When I consider patterns in my life, I can sometimes feel a sense of exasperation in myself. This is partly because I conflate the idea of patterns with "things I am seeing in my life that I should probably change."

Patterns like doom scrolling, or eating too many sweets or negative thinking or equivocating on decisions or relationships with a certain type of person or overloading my schedule.

I get tired of these patterns in my life, so I read books on making changes, and then I think about making changes and then I try to make changes. Truthfully though, it’s hard to change the way that I am.

I do like sweets, particularly the delightful goodies from my neighborhood bakery. Sometimes it's fun to watch TikTok videos of people cleaning rugs, and often these days I find it challenging to put a stop to negative thinking [gesturing widely at the world].

Other people's patterns are, of course, far easier. I have opinions about other people’s ways of doing things. I have suggestions. Their issues seem workable and it seems clear there’s another thing they could do if they wanted to. I feel confident that the other person has the skills to make the changes they’re looking at if they want to.

By contrast, I’m pretty sure I’m lacking the skills to change my behavior and my issues are way too complex.

Other people's patterns also seem kind of cool. Sure, maybe you think it’s a personal failing that you doom scroll but as a result you send me a lot of really funny memes and it makes me laugh. Or maybe you are worried about your Zillow obsession, but I sure appreciated it when I was looking for a house.

By contrast, my life's patterns are boring, staid and have no redeeming value.

I think you can tell I’m rather judgemental of myself. We can probably all agree that this kind of judgement of my own life's patterns is unhelpful for making lasting change. This fact does not seem to change my exasperation with myself.

What's interesting is that I can appreciate patterns in nature just as easily as I can appreciate them in another person.

While I get tired of the patterns in my life that repeat themselves, I rarely get tired of the patterns I see in nature.

I rarely tire of feeling the pulse of the waves, or the way that breathing feels. I rarely get tired of trees or of leaves or of ferns. I rarely get tired of the softness of fur or the way that the trees wave in the wind.

Patterns aren't things we tend to tire of, in fact I’d argue that we are wired to look for and seek out patterns. We want to see something that is interestingly patterned. We like the visual connection, the tactile connection, the way things are in rhythm when we see a pattern. I mean sure, maybe your dog is annoying and really wants more pets than you'd like to give. But to be tired of softness of fur? I don't experience that, do you?

What if we could see patterns in our lives as similar to the patterns in nature?

What if doom scrolling is like waves trying to clear out the gunk in our minds. Or a torrential downpour that’s trying to move something? What if my love of sweets was not unlike a bumblebee finding a field of flowers?

What if I spent my energy tracking patterns and removing the judgement from it? How might I see my own way of being in the same way that I see a beautiful tree, or a rock face or a fantastic storm cloud?

What might it feel like to focus on my life's patterns in without judgement?

This post comes from my Everyday Flourishing workshops—monthly spaces to pause, reflect, and share ideas about flourishing in daily life by thinking about permaculture principles. You’re invited to join in!

Next up: September 15 at noon PST — Using Slow and Small Solutions.
Then: October 13 at noon PST — Use and Value Diversity.