Help?
Can someone proof for me? I wrote another for FF100 and there's something that's not quite right with it..
Title: The Real Life
Fandom: Veronica Mars
Characters: Veronica Mars, Logan Echolls, Duncan Kane, Lilly Kane, Don Lamb, Dick Casablancas
Prompt: #72 - Broken
Word Count: 1067
Rating: PG. Warning: Involves mention of rape.
Summary: Veronica's life has been altered forever by tragedy...
Notes: Title is from a 3 Doors Down song. Takes place rightafter Shelley's party..
December, 2003
"Where's Duncan?" Logan asked Dick.
"I haven't seen the guy in hours," Dick said. "Dude, we've gotta leave. Shelley's parents are gonna flip." Logan looked around the large, completely trashed, back yard. Saying that the Pomroys were going to freak was an understatement. Logan nodded.
"I'll meet you and Beaver at the car," he said, walking off towards the pool house, hoping nothing had happened to Duncan, knowing full well that if something had it would be on his head. Logan had been the one that slipped Duncan the GHB, after all. But he just wanted his friend to have a little fun, it was harmless, right? Logan let out a sigh of relief when he saw a disheveled Duncan walking towards him struggling to get a shoe on.
"Forget about the shoe," Logan told Duncan, pulling him along to the front of the house. Duncan looked behind him at the destroyed backyard, the chairs, food and clothing floating in the pool, various 09ers passed out in every place possible, empty beer bottles littering the ground.. If Shelley got off grounding before senior year it would be a miracle. Duncan gave the pool house a quick look before turning around and facing the direction he was being pulled.
"Ouch," he heard Logan mutter. "That's cold." Duncan looked to see what had caused his friend to make the reaction and winced. Veronica's LeBaron had been completely defaced. The tires were slashed and the windows tagged, one of them saying 'Abel, it should have been her.'
"You were doing body shots off of her last night and you think that's cold?" Duncan muttered.
"Hey, body shots aren't saying I want her dead. She was my friend too. Get in the car," Logan said, opening up the back door to his bright yellow X-Terra and pushing Duncan in before running around to the front of the car and jumping into the front. Logan put he key into the ignition and snuck another quick look at the LeBaron. There was no denying it anymore, things had gone out of control and Veronica's life was about to become a living hell..
----
Veronica woke up confused. She looked around, trying to figure out where she was and place why the room was so familiar to her. The last thing she could remember was being handed a Coke the night before. Veronica sat up. She was in Shelley's pool house, but she had no idea how she had gotten there or why she was in bed. She swung her legs over the side of the bed, her head pounding. Laying on the floor near the bed, Veronica spotted her underwear. Bed. Underwear. No memory? She wiped away the tears that had begun falling and stood up, shaking.
Someone had raped her.
Just months earlier, all the people at the party had been her friends, and now when her life was falling apart they had all turned on her, back stabbed her and raped her? She put her underwear back on and picked up her shoes, leaving the pool house quickly. As she walked through the backyard and around to the front of the house she didn't even take notice of the ruins around her. This was her life now. Ruins. As she reached her car she flinched seeing the damage that had been done. She would come back for the LeBaron later, she just had to get off of the Pomroy property, away from that pool house, away from that part of town.
----
Veronica looked up at the building in front of her. She had walked those steps thousands of times, been in so much in the past few years. But it was different this time. It seemed to take everything she had left in her to climb up those steps and enter the building.
"Veronica! What happened to you?" Inga exclaimed.
"I need to report a crime," Veronica told Inga. Inga nodded, her expression filled with concern.
"I'll get the Sheriff," she said.
----
"A crime?" Sheriff Lamb asked Veronica upon entering the interrogation room.
"I was drugged and.. Raped.. last night," Veronica told him quietly. "At Shelley Pomroy's party." Lamb arched an eyebrow.
"The Pomroys? They're good people. Is there anyone in particular you’d like me to arrest or should I just round up the sons of the most important families in town?" Veronica looked up at Lamb in disbelief.
"I've got not a shred of evidence to work with here but that really doesn't matter to your family, now does it," he told her. Veronica could feel herself crying again, but the whole thing just seemed to surreal for her to even bother trying to stop.
"Look at this, she cries. I’ll tell you what Veronica Mars, why don’t you go see the wizard. Ask for a little back bone," he said, smirking. Lamb stood up from his chair and walked out of the room, leaving Veronica alone.
----
She was thankful her parents were still asleep when she got home. Sneaking into the new apartment wasn't nearly as easy as sneaking into her old house had been, but she would have to learn. Veronica crept down the hall to her room and quickly changed her clothing. She needed to shower, to get the previous night off of her, but she knew it would wake up her parents. Putting on a pair of sneakers, Veronica left the apartment again and began the long walk to Shelley's to get her car back.
Veronica Mars was weak. She had never needed to not be before. Her life wasn't perfect, sure, but it had been pretty close. All her life she had been part of a strong, respected family. She had been popular, but she had been naive. Veronica was the kind of girl who cried during movies and who was always convinced that the things she saw on the news could never happen to her. She had sheltered herself somehow. Given who her father was, or who he had been rather, she had always been certain she was stronger and smarter than her classmates. The past few months had set it all into perspective for her. Lilly was dead. Her father had lost her job. She had lost her friends. Her whole world.
Veronica wasn't the girl she had been in September anymore. As the soap and water worked to scrub the word 'slut' from her windshield Veronica leaned her head against the steering wheel. Her old life was over.
After this moment, everything was different.
Title: The Real Life
Fandom: Veronica Mars
Characters: Veronica Mars, Logan Echolls, Duncan Kane, Lilly Kane, Don Lamb, Dick Casablancas
Prompt: #72 - Broken
Word Count: 1067
Rating: PG. Warning: Involves mention of rape.
Summary: Veronica's life has been altered forever by tragedy...
Notes: Title is from a 3 Doors Down song. Takes place rightafter Shelley's party..
December, 2003
"Where's Duncan?" Logan asked Dick.
"I haven't seen the guy in hours," Dick said. "Dude, we've gotta leave. Shelley's parents are gonna flip." Logan looked around the large, completely trashed, back yard. Saying that the Pomroys were going to freak was an understatement. Logan nodded.
"I'll meet you and Beaver at the car," he said, walking off towards the pool house, hoping nothing had happened to Duncan, knowing full well that if something had it would be on his head. Logan had been the one that slipped Duncan the GHB, after all. But he just wanted his friend to have a little fun, it was harmless, right? Logan let out a sigh of relief when he saw a disheveled Duncan walking towards him struggling to get a shoe on.
"Forget about the shoe," Logan told Duncan, pulling him along to the front of the house. Duncan looked behind him at the destroyed backyard, the chairs, food and clothing floating in the pool, various 09ers passed out in every place possible, empty beer bottles littering the ground.. If Shelley got off grounding before senior year it would be a miracle. Duncan gave the pool house a quick look before turning around and facing the direction he was being pulled.
"Ouch," he heard Logan mutter. "That's cold." Duncan looked to see what had caused his friend to make the reaction and winced. Veronica's LeBaron had been completely defaced. The tires were slashed and the windows tagged, one of them saying 'Abel, it should have been her.'
"You were doing body shots off of her last night and you think that's cold?" Duncan muttered.
"Hey, body shots aren't saying I want her dead. She was my friend too. Get in the car," Logan said, opening up the back door to his bright yellow X-Terra and pushing Duncan in before running around to the front of the car and jumping into the front. Logan put he key into the ignition and snuck another quick look at the LeBaron. There was no denying it anymore, things had gone out of control and Veronica's life was about to become a living hell..
----
Veronica woke up confused. She looked around, trying to figure out where she was and place why the room was so familiar to her. The last thing she could remember was being handed a Coke the night before. Veronica sat up. She was in Shelley's pool house, but she had no idea how she had gotten there or why she was in bed. She swung her legs over the side of the bed, her head pounding. Laying on the floor near the bed, Veronica spotted her underwear. Bed. Underwear. No memory? She wiped away the tears that had begun falling and stood up, shaking.
Someone had raped her.
Just months earlier, all the people at the party had been her friends, and now when her life was falling apart they had all turned on her, back stabbed her and raped her? She put her underwear back on and picked up her shoes, leaving the pool house quickly. As she walked through the backyard and around to the front of the house she didn't even take notice of the ruins around her. This was her life now. Ruins. As she reached her car she flinched seeing the damage that had been done. She would come back for the LeBaron later, she just had to get off of the Pomroy property, away from that pool house, away from that part of town.
----
Veronica looked up at the building in front of her. She had walked those steps thousands of times, been in so much in the past few years. But it was different this time. It seemed to take everything she had left in her to climb up those steps and enter the building.
"Veronica! What happened to you?" Inga exclaimed.
"I need to report a crime," Veronica told Inga. Inga nodded, her expression filled with concern.
"I'll get the Sheriff," she said.
----
"A crime?" Sheriff Lamb asked Veronica upon entering the interrogation room.
"I was drugged and.. Raped.. last night," Veronica told him quietly. "At Shelley Pomroy's party." Lamb arched an eyebrow.
"The Pomroys? They're good people. Is there anyone in particular you’d like me to arrest or should I just round up the sons of the most important families in town?" Veronica looked up at Lamb in disbelief.
"I've got not a shred of evidence to work with here but that really doesn't matter to your family, now does it," he told her. Veronica could feel herself crying again, but the whole thing just seemed to surreal for her to even bother trying to stop.
"Look at this, she cries. I’ll tell you what Veronica Mars, why don’t you go see the wizard. Ask for a little back bone," he said, smirking. Lamb stood up from his chair and walked out of the room, leaving Veronica alone.
----
She was thankful her parents were still asleep when she got home. Sneaking into the new apartment wasn't nearly as easy as sneaking into her old house had been, but she would have to learn. Veronica crept down the hall to her room and quickly changed her clothing. She needed to shower, to get the previous night off of her, but she knew it would wake up her parents. Putting on a pair of sneakers, Veronica left the apartment again and began the long walk to Shelley's to get her car back.
Veronica Mars was weak. She had never needed to not be before. Her life wasn't perfect, sure, but it had been pretty close. All her life she had been part of a strong, respected family. She had been popular, but she had been naive. Veronica was the kind of girl who cried during movies and who was always convinced that the things she saw on the news could never happen to her. She had sheltered herself somehow. Given who her father was, or who he had been rather, she had always been certain she was stronger and smarter than her classmates. The past few months had set it all into perspective for her. Lilly was dead. Her father had lost her job. She had lost her friends. Her whole world.
Veronica wasn't the girl she had been in September anymore. As the soap and water worked to scrub the word 'slut' from her windshield Veronica leaned her head against the steering wheel. Her old life was over.
After this moment, everything was different.