born to multiply

This journal ends here.

2022-02-11T19:38:12Z

If anyone still happens to be following me here, a quick note to let you know that the days of crossposting from Dreamwidth to LiveJournal are apparently over. If you're looking for more of my journal, please head over to Dreamwidth and follow me there!

Cheers,

- beerbad

Vid: Problem [Hobbs & Shaw, Hattie Shaw]

2020-03-13T17:13:44Z

Twitter | Tumblr | AO3 | YouTube | Google Drive (download) | All Vidposts

Title: Problem
Music: "Problem" by Natalia Kills (shorter edit by me)
Fandom: Hobbs & Shaw (2019)
Character: Hattie Shaw, played by Vanessa Kirby
Note: Premiered at TGIFemslash on February 14, 2020.

I honestly don't have much to say about this one; I loved the movie and the character and figured there wouldn't be a lot of vids for her out there so I might as well make one. This apocalypse shit made me realize how important my fanworks are to me so I'm finally crossposting this bitch. Enjoy!! This entry was originally posted at https://beerbad.dreamwidth.org/392618.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

The Rise of Skywalker - Initial Reactions

2019-12-21T00:51:20Z

I saw Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker last night and definitely had a bunch of thoughts and feelings that I can't post on other platforms because there is no Facebook or Twitter spoiler-cut so here we are! This type of journal is still good for something!

I was feeling more nervousness and dread going into this movie than excitement, tbh, which was sad because obviously this is it. I think most of it comes from being let down by other favorite properties lately (Game of Thrones, Endgame, even Survivor) and also just that general sense of depression since 2016 that there's nothing good in the world anymore :\ (I've had discussions with a couple folks recently that I haven't felt the feeling of optimism in 4 years... another post, that.)

So my TL;DR reaction after one viewing of TROS: I have incredibly mixed feelings. I acknowledge that this movie must have been tough to write (wrapping up the saga, dealing with the loss of Carrie), but I was moved one moment and then annoyed/indifferent the next. It felt like an up-and-down emotional rollercoaster to watch; I was bored at parts and then on the edge of my seat at others. Totally a mixed bag.

I'm hoping I'll feel more positive towards it after repeat viewings, like I did pretty dramatically with The Last Jedi. In the end, I loved seeing these characters again and finally getting some big reveals, but there were also choices I really disagree with and things that fell flat for me.

Positives:

It was only the third worst possible ending re: Rey & Ben! (2nd worst: They end up a happy couple together; actual worst: he's redeemed, she goes dark and he kills her.) It's all relative, people!
Ben dying - if they have to have romantic feelings for each other (barf), at least he's dead?
On that note, I was surprised by how okay I felt about his redemption. Maybe Adam sold it well enough, IDK, but I did feel the shift in him. For something that I REALLY DID NOT WANT TO HAPPEN since TFA, I'm honestly shocked that it didn't bother me more. Maybe I've just had enough years to process it as an inevitability.
Dark Rey fighting Rey - loved it, the sequence shoulda been longer!
The sequence where Rey thinks she's killed Chewie, the lightning, her general angst - great, Daisy killed it. Loved angsty, tortured Rey in general in this one.
All the creatures! The puppetry and creature design is one of my favorite things about the SW universe and I enjoyed seeing all of them, from Babu Frik to the children Rey sees at the festival. Also enjoyed D-O.
Surprise Jodie Comer - love!
Jannah and Zorii were both really compelling, interesting new characters.
Rey calling Leia "Master" - best part of the movie and the best new kink meme prompt.
Rey/Poe/Finn in general - loved seeing them finally interact all together, and the ending was as good fanservice as we were gonna get for the OT3. SO CUTE. And since they didn't end up with any other prospective love interests, I really call it a win for the endgame.
Happy to see Luke (and then Leia) as force ghosts.
Leia's lightsaber - a cool addition IMO, and another thing that ties her to Rey.
Even though they couldn't show much due to the obvious limitations, I like how strongly the Rey/Leia bond was established at the beginning. That training section also left things WIDE OPEN for headcanon and fanworks, bless.
EWOKS. THANK YOU

Negatives:

For the second movie in a row, Rey is basically on her own journey (with Kylo) and feels so separated from her friends and the Resistance for the majority of the movie. Considering all the themes of being together, fighting together, etc., they sure don't wanna show it for her, do they? Especially bummed because this was the last shot.
There were barely any quiet character moments - I know they had a lot to get through, but those are some of the best scenes. Especially disappointed because TFA was full of them - did they just have too much plot and too much going on?
The fight scenes overall were nothing special, some were even boring. Nothing came even close to how dope the throne room sequence was in TLJ.
Rose - she was barely a character in this. HUGE insult to Rose and Kelly Marie Tran, jfc. Could she really not have gone with them?!
Speaking of Rose, when she was introduced in TLJ she had a great character arc. The new characters here do not get the same loving treatment (again - an oversight or lack of time?).
The Reylo kiss - I grimaced. I guess getting through this without Rey having any real love interest was too much to ask?
Destroying the Final Order fleet was just blah. Considering that was the big climax, I expected a lot more.
SO MAD ADAM GOT HIGHER BILLING THAN DAISY. Really?!?!
Why cast Keri Russell and never show her face?? C'mon.

Undecided/Meh:

Rey being a Palpatine... I need to think on this more. I'm happy to know her backstory definitively, but definitely felt blah at the reveal.
The story of the Jedi Order: What was the end result? Bummed that we didn't get grey Jedi; Rey still has a saber at the end so.......... she's still a Jedi? I honestly have no idea if I missed something or if it was supposed to be so obtuse.
I did think Rey's own unique yellow lightsaber was pretty cool, but I also wish she'd kept Leia's?
The whole Palpatine showdown - kinda cool, kinda wanted more, IDK.
Rey/Ben's healing powers - is this a Force thing that we've seen before?? Did it come out of nowhere to serve the plot? (Yes.)
I truly appreciate that they did everything they could with the existing footage of Carrie, and I'm grateful for that. However, the chemistry in those scenes with her was definitely missing. Par for the course, but sad to think of what could've been.
No Phasma?!
I'm actually on the fence about Rey calling herself a Skywalker at the end. Just need to process this more, I think.

In the end, I believe this movie suffered from trying to please everyone and as a result maybe pleased no one? E.g. Reylo fans are upset and anti-Reylo fans are also upset?? lol. It seemed like they were trying to affirm every group of fans while not alienating any of them at the same time, which is basically impossible. TLJ had a very strong (albeit controversial) POV, but it was a stronger movie for it. This just felt noncommittal. Anyway I guess I'm fully over J.J. Abrams.

I do want to watch TROS again now that I know what we're getting, to see bits I missed and experience it again after letting things settle for me emotionally. Most of all, I miss the characters already. :'( And I honestly do wish we could have more movies with them!! Onto the fic I suppose. This entry was originally posted at https://beerbad.dreamwidth.org/391333.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

Comics for Sale

2019-05-25T23:30:20Z

Hello friends! I am downsizing my comic collection and wanted to sell to friends before I bring these to a shop or list them on eBay. Let me know if you're interested in any of these comics and we can work out a price - depending on what you want, the range is $5 for some cheap stuff (just covering shipping) to $100 for the TMNT #31 (I can't believe I had an extra copy - super rare book). You can comment here or message me privately. Thanks!

S.H.I.E.L.D. (2014-2016) #1-12; includes one-shots: Fury, Quake, Mockingbird, Agent Carter (issue #3 is signed Phil Noto variant; Quake signed by Matthew Rosenberg; Fury is Fitzsimmons action figure variant)
X-Babies (2009) Vol. 1 #1-4
X-Men ‘92 (2015) Vol. 1 #1-4 (#1 signed by Scott Koblish)
X-Men ‘92 (2016-2017) Vol. 2 #1-10
X-Men Annual #8 (1984)
Secret Wars: House of M (2015) #1-4
Secret Wars: Secret Love (2015) one-shot
Secret Wars: X-Tinction Agenda (2015) #1-4 (Additional copy of #2 - Anka variant)
Secret Wars: Marvel Zombies (2015) #1-4
Secret Wars: Age of Apocalypse (2015) #1-5
Secret Avengers (2014-2015) Vol. 3 #1-7, 9-15 (missing #8)
Ms. Marvel (2014-2015) Vol. 3 #1-15
Magik: Storm and Illyana #1-3 (missing #4) (1983-1984)
X-23 Vol. 3 #4 (2011)
Jem and the Holograms #1-16 (2015-2016) (also includes Holiday Special, Valentine Special, Outrageous Annual)
East of West #1 signed by Nick Dragotta (1st printing, March 2013)
Nonplayer #1 (1st printing, April 2011)
Suicide Girls #1-4 (2011)
Batman/TMNT #1-2 (2016)
TMNT: Dimension X #1-5 (2017)
TMNT Vol. 4 #31 (2015, Mirage)
TMNT Special: “Times” Pipeline (1992, Mirage)
Buffy the Vampire Slayer #8 (original Dark Horse series)
Television #1 (2007)

This entry was originally posted at https://beerbad.dreamwidth.org/389537.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

TGIF/F Bonus Vidshow

2019-02-16T23:18:41Z

Greetings from the 4th annual TGIFemslash convention!

In addition to curating the official TGIF/F Femslash Vidshow, this year staff was also so kind as to let me play a little bonus vidshow last night put together of some vids that couldn't fit in the main show. Here they are, with links:

Superstar (Buffy the Vampire Slayer) by heresluck
Don't Wanna Dance (Grey's Anatomy) by anoel
Landsailor (Legend of Korra) by skygiants
Like a Fever (Legend of the Seeker) by talitha bee
Here is a Heart (Power Rangers: Samurai) by bradcpu
Stray Italian Greyhound (Professor Marston and the Wonder Women) by beerbad
The Chain (Sasameki Koto) by awkwardlyari
Madness (Sharp Objects) by black-gekikara
Coins in a Fountain (Steven Universe) by [Unknown LJ tag]
Synesthesia (Star Wars) by audreyv
Legend of the Wild Horse (Xena: Warrior Princess) by hollywoodgrrl
Learn to Crawl (Battlestar Galactica) by jarrow

Please show the vidders some love if you like what you saw! And vidders, please let me know if you'd like any edits to the links I've included above <3

This entry was originally posted at https://beerbad.dreamwidth.org/388471.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

Vid: Real Love [Power Rangers (2017), Kim/Trini] - TGIFemslash 2019 Premiere

2019-02-14T06:34:56Z

Twitter | Tumblr | AO3 | YouTube | Google Drive (download) | All Vidposts

Title: Real Love
Music: "Real Love" by Florrie
Fandom: Power Rangers (2017) - includes deleted scenes
Pairing: Kim/Trini, aka Trimberly or Pink Lemonade
Note: Premiered at TGIFemslash on February 15, 2019.

This is a vid I've wanted to make for almost two years now, since this movie came out in 2017 and I feel instantly in love with it (and this ship). Its time finally came because the two other potential TGIF/F premiere vids I'd started were not working out in the limited time frame I had and I knew this would be a fairly quick and straightforward vid to make. I'm actually really glad I had a reason to finally make this vid, as I (mostly) enjoyed the vidding process and I'm pretty happy with how it came out. :) The edit is pretty straightforward, nothing fancy, but it's cute and fun to watch.

This vid took me four weeks to make, which is pretty fast by my personal standards (most of my vids lately have been made in 2-3 months). God bless movies, honestly. I was lucky enough to find a 1080p BluRay torrent that included the movie's deleted scenes, which are used several times in the vid - most notably the infamous "locker scene" and the extended Rita/Trini bedroom encounter. It does suck that some of the best Trimberly subtext got left on the cutting room floor, so I was happy to restore it for my vid!

The song came from an impromptu Trimberly fanmix that I made after seeing the movie three times in the theater and reading a lot of fic. I did edit about 10 seconds out of one of the chorus sections of the song because I ran out of clips for it, and hopefully it was good enough that you couldn't tell! Just did very basic audio cutting and cross-fading in my video editor. I always knew "Real Love" would be a nice vidsong for a ship like this - upbeat, fluffy, but with some amount of tonal dynamics (especially around the bridge) and a nice crescendo at the chorus. There's also a theme in the lyrics of a developing relationship - not being sure about this person at first but falling hard for them - which is very Trimberly, haha <3 I'm always so thankful for women singers who write lyrics with "you" replacing pronouns, bless.

The clipping/editing wasn't too bad for this vid; I used my normal method of clipping and editing on the fly, where I rewatched chunks of the movie linearly, grabbed usable clips from that section directly in my editor and pulled them down onto my timeline. Then I would edit that section, usually around 10-15 seconds at a time. Then move on and watch/clip/edit the next section, and so on. Everyone knows editing is the fun part, so I don't make myself wait to start editing until clipping is totally done, like some vidders do. The instant gratification of seeing the vid start to come together as I make my way through the footage gives me the momentum to keep going. The action scenes in the suits/Zords at the end of the movie were the hardest and most annoying pieces to edit. Otherwise, editing the subtext between these ladies was lovely and fun.

Technical notes: This was my first time vidding on my brand new computer, which made A WORLD OF DIFFERENCE. After using my 8-year-old Dell XPS laptop for so many years with only 8GB of RAM, vidding 1080p source began slowing my computer down drastically so that I could not watch footage in the monitor without it freezing and skipping. For Christmas I bought myself a custom Doghouse Systems gaming laptop with 32GB RAM and I am LIVING FOR IT. To the sweet tune of $2k, I am enjoying smooth 1080p video editing and finally playing World of Warcraft on higher settings. This is the first Windows 10 machine I've had, and I upgraded to the newer version of the video editing software I had on my old machine. So this was my first time vidding with MAGIX Movie Edit Pro Plus 2018, although it's almost identical in UI to the 2013 version I'd been using. And it can edit MKVs without converting! \o/ Long story short: Torrented 1080p source, edited with the raw MKV files, exported as MP4, did a bit of audio editing in the program. No converting or additional software needed. Feels good, man.

This entry was originally posted at https://beerbad.dreamwidth.org/388275.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

Fanmix: Darkest Little Paradise (Wynonna/Waverly)

2018-11-20T21:43:44Z

Darkest Little Paradise: A Wynonna/Waverly Fanmix

Rescue Me - Unions
You Look Like Trouble (But I Guess I Do Too) - Lisa LeBlanc
Drive - Glades
Don’t Blame Me - Taylor Swift
True Love - P!nk & Lily Allen
Gold (Stupid Love) - Excision, ILLENIUM, Shallows
Super Fade - Fall Out Boy
Recovery - Broods
Now or Never - Halsey
Tequila - Dan + Shay
The Anchor - Bastille
Worth the Fight - Broods
Your Rocky Spine - Great Lake Swimmers
Horse to Water - Tall Heights

This fanmix is dedicated to and inspired by all of the Earpcest fanfic writers on AO3 - y’all are my heroes. <3 I made my first Earpcest fanmix after S1, and I’ve been collecting other songs for them since then. And finally the canon of S3 demanded that I get things together and make another one, cuz DAMN there were some strong Wynonna/Waverly feels this past season. o__o This one really spans a whole bunch of genres, and as always I seem to be drawn to a mix of songs that have themes of longing, obsession, angst, and above all, undying love no matter what the world throws at them. ;) Thank you once again to mammothluv for the fantastic album art!

Listen @ Spotify

Tumblr Post
AO3 Post

This entry was originally posted at https://beerbad.dreamwidth.org/386272.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

Vid: Champion [Wynonna Earp] - Vividcon 2018 Premiere

2018-08-12T07:15:12Z

“You’re wrong, Wynonna. You’re the best of us.”

An S2 Wynonna character study vid that premiered at VividCon on August 10, 2018. Music: “Champion” by Fall Out Boy. Spoilers through Wynonna Earp 2x12.

Twitter | Tumblr | AO3 | YouTube | Google Drive (download)

Notes

Here it is, my last ever VividCon premiere :'( I'm so happy that I got back into vidding in time to make two Wynonna vids to show at the convention over the past two years. It seems like a lot of VVC attendees have not actually seen the show, surprisingly, but I have received great feedback which I'm very thankful for.

This is definitely the spiritual successor to my S1 Wynonna vid from last year -- in fact, I suspect the trend will continue, as I already have a song picked out for S3, haha. I've enjoyed vidding Wynonna season by season, as it gives me a set arc and number of episodes to work with, and I can work on the vids during hiatus without dealing with an actively changing canon. (That said, I do have at least one multi-season WE vid I want to make at some point!) This one felt harder to make than its S1 counterpart, even though I had twice as much time to make it. This was partly due to the fact that I didn't like S2 quite as much as S1, and also that I was dealing with stress in my work life while trying to make this. That said, Melanie's acting is still spectacular, and I would never miss an opportunity to vid her face!

I did struggle some with the structure of this vid, and how much of the season to do linearly vs. non-linear. The goo storyline was the hardest thing to fit in, and I'm not quite sure how successful I was, though I am glad I moved a bunch of it to the opening and got the kiss in there. ;) The pregnancy was easier, as I always knew where most of those beats were going to happen. I also worried about how little of the overall plot of S2 I was able to squeeze in, as you will notice that the Widows are barely in it and Bobo is completely absent, as are the AU and time travel episodes. That said, I still feel pretty good about covering Wynonna's emotional journey and her relationship to Waverly, Doc and Dolls.

Technical notes: There were initially a lot more fades/crossfades, and I'm glad I took a bunch of them out. Still vidding in Magix Movie Edit Pro 2013 on Windows 7. This was my first time using 1080p source (!!), which I downloaded as webrips from hd-source on Tumblr. The vid definitely looks better but it did slow my software down some and playback was not as smooth.

Notes about this vid from Vid Review can be found at this post (massive shout-out to serrico) I really enjoyed everyone's comments! <3

This entry was originally posted at https://beerbad.dreamwidth.org/385539.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

Vid: Stray Italian Greyhound [Professor Marston and the Wonder Women, Elizabeth/Olive] - WisCon 42

2018-05-27T20:14:39Z

YouTube | AO3 | Tumblr | Twitter | Google Drive (download)

Notes

This was another reminder that movie vids really are easier than TV show vids! This was the first time I'd vidded a single movie (after vidding a Resident Evil trilogy) and it was such a different experience than vidding a show. At first I was nervous about having enough footage, but I shouldn't have been, because there were many great shots of Elizabeth and Olive that I didn't even get to use. I was surprised that it was challenging to condense this movie and this relationship down to a 4-minute vid, which just goes to show what a rich movie it is. I knew the movie would be sexy, but I had NO IDEA just how romantic it would be. In that sense, I feel like my experience watching it mirrored Elizabeth's own journey in a way -- the surprise of romance, how Olive comes along unexpectedly and brings so much to Elizabeth's life, far beyond just kinky sex (which, also good)! That's the feeling I wanted to capture with this vid.

I love this song a whole lot, partly because of how dynamic it is, and it helped give a good structure to the vid. I enjoyed vidding fairly linearly, preserving the narrative of the progression of Elizabeth and Olive's relationship throughout the film. The song definitely dictated where the big emotional moments were going to land and then it was just about telling their story and matching the tone to the different parts of the song. This is definitely the song I've most enjoyed vidding.

I loved Professor Marston so much when it came out; it was REALLY HARD to wait for the source to be available to vid it! It was released too close to the TGIFemslash vidding deadline, but rather far away from Vividcon deadlines, so I ended up vidding it in the in-between and sending it to WisCon, which I have never attended. I'm really glad I did! It's nice to have an audience for your vids, even if you can't be there. Several close friends of mine do attend the WisCon Vid Party, so it was fun knowing they'd get to see it as a premiere. :) That said, I am racing to finish my Vividcon premiere now and feeling a little burned out, so I'm not sure that making three vids in the January - June time span is the best way to go for me, lol. I am looking forward to taking a vidding break before TGI rolls around again!

Thank you for watching and I would welcome any comments, feelings, thoughts, and feedback you might have. :) This entry was originally posted at https://beerbad.dreamwidth.org/385481.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

Vid: The Last of the Real Ones [Supergirl, Kara/Lena] - TGIFemslash 2018 Premiere

2018-02-17T22:39:01Z

YouTube | AO3 | Tumblr | Twitter | Google Drive (download)

Notes

So this was NOT the vid I had planned to make for the TGIFemslash convention this year, but once this Fall Out Boy song came out I immediately became obsessed with it and the lyrics fit Supercorp so damn perfectly that I knew I'd have to make this if no one else did. So lo and behold, here it is!

This was not necessarily a fandom I was desperate to vid, mainly because there are already so many femslash vids for it, but a Supercorp vid simply HAD to exist for this song so I willed myself to make it. The vidding itself did not come super easily to me this time around -- the verses were fun, but the chorus is fairly repetitive and I wasn't sure at all which clips would go there when I started. I also became overwhelmed by the sheer amount of Supercorp footage in the show (you would not believe the stuff that ended up on the cutting room floor), but once I knew there was more than plenty of good stuff for the vid, I did a lot in the refining process of making sure I had the BEST clips for each of the moments.

Y'all may know that I love vidding subtext, but this in many ways felt more like vidding a canon couple due to the footage! So I didn't have as much fun with the construction of the vid in that sense as I've had with some others, but there are still moments in here that I really love, and I'm proud that I got to give nods to Alex, Cat, Lillian, and Rhea as potential partners for these two as well. ;)

Thank you to everyone at TGIFemslash who was at the vidshow and gave me such wonderful feedback on this vid! Especially Kendra, who knows the song really well and threw her hat at several points. XD

Technical notes: I downloaded MKV episode files, converted them to MP4 in Avidemux, and edited in Magix Movie Edit Pro 2013 on Windows 7. This entry was originally posted at https://beerbad.dreamwidth.org/385150.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

Fic: "Always" (Star Wars, Leia & Rey)

2017-12-28T22:28:30Z

Title: Always
Author: beerbad
Fandom: Star Wars: The Force Awakens
Characters: Leia Organa & Rey
Rating: G
Word count: 2,280
Summary: Rey knows she needs to find Luke, but she has a hard time leaving Leia behind.
Author's notes: In which I fill my own femslash_kink meme prompt, because I love Leia+Rey hurt/comfort fic and I want more of it to exist, and process some of my own feelings along the way. Written as a missing scene at the end of The Force Awakens, before Rey leaves on her mission. Posted in memory of Carrie Fisher. We miss you, Space Mom <3

Read @ AO3

I gotta say, between The Last Jedi coming out and the one-year anniversary of Carrie Fisher's death, I've been absolutely awash in Star Wars-related emotion as of late. Seriously, I've been a wreck. I wrote this fic in the three days leading up to the date of Carrie's death, right before and after I saw the movie for a second time. I'm definitely a believer of the importance of striking when the iron is hot when it comes to creating fanworks (I know there are a ton of you out there with much more discipline, but that's not how I roll), and as a result this fic was fairly easy to write as I just channeled all that emotion into it. I'm always eternally grateful to fandom both for producing big emotions in me and giving me a way to channel them. <3

I have a lot more to write about Star Wars (which should honestly be at least two other separate posts at some point!), but I will say that the Star Wars fandom has produced some of the very best hurt/comfort and gen fic that I've ever read, and my SW bookmarks on AO3 are some of the fics I reread the most, especially when I'm feeling down. I'm very pleased to finally contribute something to the canon of Rey hurt/comfort fic, also something that will hopefully be enjoyed by people like myself who wanted so many more Rey & Leia scenes than what the movies gave us. This entry was originally posted at https://beerbad.dreamwidth.org/384374.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

Vid: I Took a Pill in Ibiza [Wynonna Earp] - Vividcon 2017 Premiere

2017-08-08T05:15:23Z

A family curse, a magic gun, some demons, and a whole lotta feelings.

This vid is a S1 character study of Wynonna (spoilers through Wynonna Earp 1x13) which premiered at Vividcon on August 4, 2017. Music: "I Took a Pill in Ibiza" (Seeb Remix) by Mike Posner.

YouTube | AO3 | Tumblr | Twitter | Google Drive (download)

Notes

Most of you probably know that I fell super hard into Wynonna Earp fandom when it premiered last April and haven't gotten off the bus since. This show now has the distinct honor of being the only fandom I've vidded, written fanfic for, and made a fanmix about, which is pretty cool. It was really only a matter of time before I started vidding Wynonna Earp, both because I have A LOT of feelings about it to process through vidding and because I'd only seen one other WE fanvid that I really liked.

I certainly have plenty of Wynonna Earp vidbunnies, both for gen vids and shippy vids, and I think this is only the beginning of my journey vidding this show. I had actually planned this as a potential Club Vivid premiere, hence the song choice, but that deadline just kicked my ass and passed before I'd even started this vid. But I was committed to the idea, as I thought it would be a fun vid to watch and a good time for me to do a character study before getting into more subtext/shippy territory. Hence, I ended up submitting it to Premieres instead and I'm really glad I did. I will say that working with footage of Melanie Scrofano's face was an absolute joy and every frame of her is perfection and begs to be vidded. I certainly gave myself The Feels during the editing process, but it also felt like a cathartic way to work with my love of the character and her journey in season one.

For technical notes, I once again used Magix Movie Edit Pro 2013 on my Windows 7 laptop. I realized that almost all of my WE downloads were MKVs, so I converted them to MP4s using Avidemux. There was a weird glitch with my editing software where the episode files would cut off the last minute or so of each episode. And of course a lot of important shots are at the end, so when I wanted those I had to actually go back to Avidemux and make files of just those clips (otherwise I do all my clipping in my editor, just importing full episodes). Also, even though it plays in the project file, the very beginning of the song is cut out in the export. I have no idea what caused that and I didn't have the time or energy to attempt to figure it out. I also realized too late that my downloads were 720x480p, not full 1080p, so I may try to redownload the season for future WE vidding projects and also try to find web DL logoless versions. This show is gorgeous and the vids should be too!

In regards to the editing process, when I started this vid I only had the verses planned out in my head. This is the most instrumental/lyrically repetitive song I've ever vidded, which was a new challenge for me as I am a very lyrically-driven vidder (not to say I always take them literally or anything). I knew I wanted Wynonna's saddest moments for the "all I know are sad songs" lyric, which repeats often throughout the song, and finding those went OK. Then, of course, for the instrumental bits I just had "action stuff!" planned in my head, which is easy to picture but much harder to edit when it's just a vague idea and not specific clips. I spent a lot of time collecting action shots and stuffing them into the timeline until I chose the best ones and edited them down. This was the biggest challenge of the vid for sure and I'm still not entirely happy with all of the sections. I made this vid in a month to meet the VVC deadline, which was fairly stressful, and I think I would've revisited those sections if I'd had more time. That said, I am happy that I got that editing to a speed I was pleased with, as I'm not used to a lot of super quick cuts. On the flipside, the scenes with the flashbacks fell into place and worked immediately when I wasn't sure they would. So that was a freebie.

Overall, this was a great vidding experience for me and I loved being able to bring a Premiere to VVC this year -- that was a great incentive to make a vid, especially for a show I'm so passionate about! I was really pleased at how well it was received there, both by people who are familiar with the show and those who told me they are now going to watch it. :) That is the best thing I could hear as a vidder, that my vid drew them in to the point of wanting to try the show. I so appreciated feedback from the folks who understood the song choice, as I know it was not the most obvious or traditional one. Also, this vid made hollywoodgrrl cry, so I think I've probably peaked. This entry was originally posted at https://beerbad.dreamwidth.org/383647.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

Vid: Not Afraid Anymore [Resident Evil films, Alice/Claire]

2017-08-03T00:06:57Z

Weeellllll... long time, no post I'm afraid. :\ I'm actually writing this from my Vividcon hotel room (yes, back at VVC after a mere 9 years away!), and I submitted this vid to the Nearly New show, so I realized I should actually make the post for it I've been meaning to make since this vid premiered at TGIFemslash on April 7th. lol. And it's also in celebration of reaching 1K views on YouTube! So if this vid is old news to you, I apologize. ;)

[YouTube link]
[AO3 link]
[Tumblr link]

[Google Drive] - download available

Notes

Thank you to TGIFemslash for giving me an excellent reason to make every femslash vid I've ever wanted to make! ;) Seriously, it is SO FUN to premiere a femslash vid to a room full of femslash lovers, the absolute perfect audience for it. I can only imagine that I will continue to attempt a premiere for this con every year! I'm also in charge of the TGIF/F vidshow, so it's a delight to create that show and have my own work (along with other amazing premieres) be shown in it. <3

You know, I never, ever thought I would make a movie vid. Now that I've popped that cherry, I totally understand why people do it and love it! To be fair, I was working with three movies (out of six in the Resident Evil franchise, the only three to feature Claire), but oh my GOD it was so much easier than vidding a TV show! The limited source made this a perfect project for my first vidding project in three years, as it was much less stressful and intimidating from a source perspective.

There was a little stress in the fact that the final movie had just been in theaters and would not be released for several more months. I knew I'd most likely be working with cam footage when I started this project, something that was a last resort but I was so far down the Alice/Claire rabbit hole at this point that I NEEDED to make this, no matter what. I got a cam rip and even learned how to crop out the subtitles on the footage, since the best rip had hardcoded Chinese subs. I'm still pretty proud of teaching myself how to do that (I'd never cropped footage in any way before), even if it ended up not being needed. I made this vid chronologically in the sense that I vidded RE: Extinction first, in the first section of the song, followed by RE: Afterlife in the middle and closing out with RE: The Final Chapter. Each section was completed (minus some minor tweaks) before I started the next one. By the time I had reached the third section and cropped my cam rip, I noticed very nice gifsets of the last movie popping up on Tumblr. I ran to check my torrent sites, and lo and behold, a leaked DVD rip had been uploaded only a day earlier. I was so pleased and couldn't believe my good luck that I'd be able to use nice-looking footage. The hilarious flipside of this is that since I assumed I'd be using a cam rip, I actually downloaded lesser quality versions of the other two movies in hopes that they would at least match up with the cam footage better. LOL. The result is that the size and quality of the finished product isn't amazing, but I still think it looks OK and smaller files are usually easier for my old (circa 2011) laptop to edit.

In other technical notes, I used Magix Movie Edit Pro 2013 once again, and even with a few little technical issues it really is great software to use. (My OS is Windows 7 64-bit with 8GB RAM.) It never crashed or froze, and I find the controls to be very intuitive and easy to use. Plus it only cost me $50. I also used Avidemux for file/codec conversions - it works with MKVs! This vid took me about two months to make, which felt like the perfect amount of time -- long enough that I had time to make the vid I wanted to make (I even finished a whole week before my deadline!), but short enough that I was very motivated to try to work on it every day. I really got into a groove making this vid that I have never felt before or since and can only hope that I discover again. This is the first vid I've made where I honestly, sincerely looked forward to working on it every evening. I've certainly enjoyed making my other vids once I'm in it, but I couldn't say I always looked forward to opening those project files. This one was a joy in every way.

I have the source and the ship to thank for a lot of that joy as well -- of course, femslash subtext ships are my niche, aren't they? ;) I have the most fun vidding when I am arguing for / constructing a ship that isn't canon. There is nothing better in vidding than taking clips out of context and making things that weren't gay extremely gay. It is so fucking satisfying. In fact, my favorite part of this vid is at 0:40 - 1:00; putting all that together and creating new femslashy context was so rewarding. XD Of course, the later sections are all in context, which is also amazing because yes, these movies really ARE that gay and yes, Alice and Claire really are the only survivors and ride off into the sunset together. <3 I fell very hard and very fast for this ship, and was surprised to find a small but active fanbase for them! (There's some great stuff on Tumblr and AO3 if you are so inclined.) Making this vid was such a fulfilling way of channeling my intense shipper feels. :)

On a closing note, I would HIGHLY recommend the Resident Evil movie franchise if you are into woman-led action/horror movies with surprisingly little male gaze and a surprisingly high amount of queer subtext. Every movie passes the Bechdel test well, and (spoiler?) literally every male love interest that Alice and Claire have in the franchise dies, leaving them with each other. And I mean, they always had the best chemistry anyway. ;) Once you're sold (hopefully my vid helped with that!), I have two amazing Alice/Claire fic recs: The Weirdest Thing I Want by [Unknown LJ tag]

</div></div> This entry was originally posted at https://beerbad.dreamwidth.org/383347.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

Fanmix: Say My Name (Wynonna Earp, Wynonna/Waverly)

2016-08-29T04:05:02Z

If you follow me on literally any other website than this one you're well aware that I am completely obsessed with Wynonna Earp and have been since it premiered in April. The show premiered on April 1st and I put the first tracks into this playlist on April 12th, back when it was entitled "Earp sisters oh no" -- which sums up a lot of this actually, haha. My feelings for Wynonna & Waverly's relationship, both canonical and subtextual, have been raging since Wynonna called Waverly "babygirl" in the pilot and haven't let up since.

Unfortunately this ship has a tiny following, but I certainly don't plan on quitting making fanworks for them anytime soon! I've written one fic for them so far, and I'm also toying with a bunch of tracks from this mix as potential vidsongs. (I really love the thought of having a Wynonna/Waverly vid to premiere at TGIFemlash this year, hehe.) Big thanks go out to mammothluv for jumping onboard this delicious sis!yay ship immediately and also for creating the album art for this mix, which I completely adore. <3

Say My Name: A Wynonna/Waverly Fanmix

1. Born To Die - Lana Del Rey
2. Momma Sed - Puscifer
3. Haunting - Halsey
4. Secular Love - The Casket Girls
5. Ride - Black Coast (feat. M Maggie)
6. Say My Name - ODESZA (feat. Zyra)
7. Post Blue - Placebo
8. Wild Horses - Bishop Briggs
9. Pretty When You Cry - Lana Del Rey
10. Bloodsport - Raleigh Ritchie
11. One Woman Army - Kate Earl
12. Bravado - Lorde
13. The Colder Months - Liza Anne
14. Take Care - City and Colour

Download @ Mediafire
Listen @ Spotify
Listen @ 8tracks
Tumblr Post
AO3 Post

Fanmix: Lifeline (X-Men, Illyana/Kitty)

2016-03-29T00:56:53Z

I love that I thought I'd be able to make an Illyana mix without also making a Kitty mix to go with it. ;)

Yes, that is Lockheed purple. :3

Lifeline: A Kitty-POV Katyana Mix

I was very, very close to finalizing my Illyana playlist, Tether, when I started hearing songs and thinking, "oh man, this is such a Kitty-POV Katyana song, it's too bad I'm not making a mix for her..." but then of course I started collecting those tracks too and here we are today. I'm actually happy I gave in and made this one as well because I feel like it's a nice balance to Tether. Coming from Kitty's POV, there is still some angst and tough times but this mix is more optimistic overall than Illyana's. This one also has more teenage romantic/sexual longing, which is always fun! Even through the dark times (Illyana is an angst magnet, after all), Kitty's devotion to Illyana is unwavering. I love these girls. <3

1. I Really Like You - Carly Rae Jepsen

It's like everything you say is a sweet revelation
All I wanna do is get into your head
Yeah, we could stay alone, you and me, in this temptation
Sipping on your lips, hanging on by thread, baby

Late night, watching television
But how'd we get in this position
It's way too soon, I know this isn't love
But I need to tell you something

I really really really really really really like you
And I want you, do you want me, do you want me too

2. Starry Eyed - Ellie Goulding

So we burst into colors, colors and carousels
Fall head first like paper planes and playground games
Next thing, we're touching
You look at me, it's like you hit me with lightning

Oh, everybody's starry-eyed
And everybody glows
Oh, everybody's starry-eyed
And my body goes
Whoa oh oh

3. Style - Taylor Swift

You got that James Dean daydream look in your eye
And I got that red lip classic thing that you like
And when we go crashing down, we come back every time
'Cause we never go out of style
We never go out of style

You got that long hair, slicked back, white t-shirt
And I got that good girl faith and a tight little skirt
And when we go crashing down, we come back every time
'Cause we never go out of style
We never go out of style

4. We Looked Like Giants - Death Cab for Cutie

We looked like giants
In the back of my grey subcompact
Fumbling to make contact
As the others slept inside

And together there
In a shroud of frost, the mountain air
Began to pass from every pane of weathered glass
And I held you closer than anyone would ever get

5. Hiding - Florence + The Machine

I know you've tried
But something stops you every time
You cry a little, so do I, so do I
And it's your pride
That's keeping us still so far apart
But if you give a little, so will I, so will I

I know that you're hiding
I know there's a part of you that I just cannot reach
You don't have to let me in
Just know that I'm still here
I'm ready for you whenever, whenever you need
Whenever you want to begin

6. Guns and Horses - Ellie Goulding

It's time to come clean and make sense of everything
It's time that we found out who we are
Cause when I'm standing here in the dark
I see your face in every star

But I wish I could feel it all for you
I wish I could be it all for you
If I could erase the pain, maybe you'd feel the same
I'd do it all for you, I would

7. Roman Holiday - Halsey

Could you imagine the taste of your lips
If we never tried to kiss on the drive to Queens
‘Cause I imagine the weight of your ribs
If you lied between my hips in the backseat

I imagine the tears in your eyes
The very first night I'll sleep without you
And when it happens I'll be miles away
And a few months late
Didn't know where I was running to
But I won't look back

8. Talking Body - Tove Lo

Day drunk into the night
Wanna keep you here
‘Cause you dry my tears
Summer lovin' and fights
How it is for us
And it's all because

Now if we're talking body
You got a perfect one so put it on me
Swear it won't take you long
If you love me right
We fuck for life
On and on and on

9. Night Sky - CHVRCHES

I can hear you in the overtones
Just an echo of the promise we made
Change the future, we can travel time
Or make us blind so we can never look back

I'm the night sky
I'm the fire in your eyes
And I want you
Now and for all time

10. Devotion - Ellie Goulding

Open up and let me in
Show the bruises on your skin
Let the fires all burn out
I can hear the silent shout in you
Let it go, don't be so scared
Find the love you lost again
Let the chaos disappear
Don't you know I'm always here for you

‘Cause this is devotion, I am lost
You're the only one I see
Our bodies in motion, I am caught
Floating in your gravity
Whenever you break, I'll fix it for you
I'm the one who drives to you at night
And maybe we'll fall a little deeper
I think our little hearts will be alright

11. Third Eye - Florence + The Machine

Hey, look up
You don't have to be a ghost
Here amongst the living
You are flesh and blood
And you deserve to be loved and you deserve what you are given
And oh, how much

'Cause there's a hole where your heart lies
And I can see it with my third eye
And oh my touch, it magnifies
You pull away, you don't know why

12. Flaws - Bastille

There’s a hole in my soul
I can’t fill it, I can’t fill it
There’s a hole in my soul
Can you fill it, can you fill it

You have always worn your flaws upon your sleeve
And I have always buried them deep beneath the ground
Dig them up, let’s finish what we started
Dig them up, so nothing’s left unturned

13. Silhouettes - Of Monsters And Men

There's nothing that I'd take back
But it's hard to say there's nothing I regret
Cause when I sing, you shout
I breathe out loud
You bleed, we crawl like animals
But when it's over, I'm still awake

A thousand silhouettes dancing on my chest
No matter where I sleep, you are haunting me
But I'm already there, I'm already there
Wherever there is you, I will be there too

14. Photograph - Ed Sheeran

Oh you can fit me
Inside the necklace you got when you were sixteen
Next to your heartbeat where I should be
Keep it deep within your soul

And if you hurt me
Well that's okay, baby, only words bleed
Inside these pages you just hold me
And I won't ever let you go

When I'm away
I will remember how you kissed me
Under the lamppost back on 6th Street
Hearing you whisper through the phone
Wait for me to come home

15. The Hat - Ingrid Michaelson

I remember the first time we danced
I remember tunneling through the snow like ants
What I don't recall is why I said
I simply can't sleep in this tiny bed with you anymore

I should tell you that you were my first love
We were seventeen again together

16. Still Into You - Paramore

Some things just, some things just make sense
And one of those is you and I
Some things just, some things just make sense
And even after all this time
I'm into you, baby, not a day goes by
That I'm not into you

I should be over all the butterflies
But I'm into you
And baby even on our worst nights
I'm into you
Let 'em wonder how we got this far
'Cause I don't really need to wonder at all
Yeah, after all this time
I'm still into you

Listen on Spotify
Listen at 8tracks
Download at Mediafire
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Companion Mix: Tether [Illyana POV]

Fanmix: Tether (X-Men, Illyana/Kitty)

2016-03-06T04:31:43Z

I would like to follow up on my last gay X-Men fanmix with two more gay X-Men fanmixes. :T Don't be surprised if I'm posting a Kitty/Rachel mix a year from now! [hashtag kitty and her harem of girlfriends]

^MS Paint coming through again!

Tether: An Illyana-POV Katyana Mix

This fanmix has been in the works since August, when I'd had crazy sustained Katyana feelings for too long and kept hearing songs that would remind me of them as characters and them together. "Beggin for Thread" had been my first Illyana song, so I started there and the playlist grew from that. Track order is always one of the hardest parts of making fanmixes for me -- wanting the songs to flow while also providing a sense of narrative. For this mix, I wanted songs that were sexy but also dark and twisty, just like Illyana. There is also a hearty helping of angst, which was inevitable I suppose when it comes to these two characters. :T For Illyana, in my headcanon, what starts as fun and sexy feelings for Kitty quickly morphs into something much deeper, which is trouble when the universe seems committed to keeping these two apart, one way or another (death, de-aging, trapped in a giant bullet in space, Kitty dating other people, etc.). In my headcanon, Illyana has always only had eyes for Kitty, while Kitty dearly loves Illyana but also has feelings for and dates a number of other people, to Illyana's chagrin. The ending of this mix isn't completely optimistic, but check out my companion Kitty-POV mix for a fluffier interpretation of this relationship. :3 Enjoy!!

1. Curbstomp - Meg Myers

I'm a shadow, I'm a creeper
Want forgiveness, getting weaker
I'm addicted to the fever
Let go, I'm ready for it
Let go, I'm ready

Blood, I want it
Giving up the fight
Blood, I want it
Lay me down tonight
Blood, I want it
Take me to the sky
Blood, I want it
Everything's alright now

2. Lean On - Major Lazer feat. MO & DJ Snake

What will we do when we get old
Will we walk down the same road
Will you be there by my side
Standing strong as the waves roll over

When the nights are long
Longing for you to come home
All around the wind blows
We would only hold on to let go

3. Satellite Mind - Metric

I can feel you most when I'm alone
I can feel your ghost when I'm alone

Coming home 'cause I want to
Hang out with a starlet
Stare up at the ceiling
Hiding and revealing
Flashback of a feeling
Sick sense of a calling
Heard you fuck through the wall
I heard you fuck, when I'm bored
I send vibrations in your direction
From the satellite mind

4. Irresistible - Fall Out Boy

Coming in unannounced, drag my nails on the tile
I just followed your scent, you can just follow my smile
All of your flaws are aligned with this mood of mine
Cutting me to the bone, nothing left to leave behind

You ought to keep me concealed just like I was a weapon
I didn't come for a fight but I will fight ‘til the end
And this one might be a battle, might not turn out okay
You know you look so Seattle, but you feel so LA

5. Closer - Tegan and Sara

All you think of lately is getting underneath me
All I dream of lately is how to get you underneath me
Here comes the heat before we meet a little bit closer
Here comes the spark before the dark, come a little closer

It's not just all physical
I'm the type who won't get oh so critical
So let's make things physical
I won't treat you like you're oh so typical

6. Feel Me - Krewella

No more waiting, baby, take it 'til you lose your fucking mind
I can feel you on my skin and I am slowly going blind
And your touch is like the only thing that I will ever need
Sink your teeth into my veins until my heart is on your sleeve

You feel me, I feel you
I need to know the taste that's on your lips
And I see only you
'Cause no one's ever touched me there like this

7. Aviation High - Semi Precious Weapons

I find myself counting the days
I find myself counting your lashes
I think I memorized your face
But then again who hasn't

Moments when you say what you should
Moments when you say something better
It feels so good I wish you would
Keep on saying never forever

8. The Shade - Metric

The embers of a fire still burning as they die
Stay bright to keep us side by side
Baby, there's no better time
No better time, baby, we can't find

With eternal love, the stars above
All there is and ever was
I want it all, I want it all
I want it all, I want it all

A blade of grass, a grain of sand
The moonlit sea, to hold your hand
I want it all, I want it all
I want it all, I want it all

9. Beggin For Thread - Banks

So I got edges that scratch
And sometimes I don't got a filter
But I'm so tired of eating all of my misspoken words
I know my disposition gets confusing
My disproportionate reactions fuse with my eager state
That's why you wanna come out and play with me

Stooped down and out
You got me beggin’ for thread
To sew this hole up that you ripped in my head
Stupidly think you had it under control

Strapped down to something that you don't understand
Don't know what you were getting yourself into
You should have known
Secretly, I think you knew

10. Torn Apart - Bastille vs. GRADES

I could only be myself with you around
And now there’s nothing left for me to think about
And it hurts like hell to be torn apart
And it hurts like hell to be thrown around

We were born to be together
Torn apart, torn apart
We were born to be together
Torn apart, torn apart

You stepped with a heavy tread and left your mark
Your mark on me
The space you used to fill, it’s now this great black hole
You’re out of sight but not out of my mind

11. Nicotine - Panic! At The Disco

It's better to burn than to fade away
It's better to leave than to be replaced
I'm losing to you, baby, I'm no match
I'm going numb, I've been hijacked
It's a fucking drag

I taste you on my lips and I can't get rid of you
So I say damn your kiss and the awful things you do

12. Figure 8 - Ellie Goulding

Breathe your smoke into my lungs
In the back of a car with you I stare into the sun
Still not too old to die young
But lovers hold on to everything
And lovers hold on to anything

I chase your love around a figure eight
I need you more than I can take
You promise forever and a day
And then you take it all away

13. Tether - CHVRCHES

Where'd you go, you were there by my side
Keep believing it's my turn to hide
In a place where we don't have a prayer
There's a tether that's keeping me there

Trade our places
Take no chances
Bind me 'til my lips are silent
Stay where you are
Ever after
Chasing things that we should run from

14. The Kids Aren’t Alright - Fall Out Boy

And in the end I'd do it all again
I think you're my best friend
Don't you know that the kids aren't alright
And I'm yours, when it rains it pours
Stay thirsty like before
Don't you know that the kids aren't alright

I'm not passive but aggressive
Take note it's not impressive
Empty your sadness like you're dumping your purse
On my bedroom floor, we put your curse in reverse

15. Long & Lost - Florence + The Machine

Lost in the fog, these hollow hills
Blood running hot, night chills
Without your love I'll be
So long and lost, are you missing me

It's been so long between the words we spoke
Will you be there up on the shore, I hope
You wonder why it is that I came home
I figured out where I belong

Listen on Spotify
Listen at 8tracks
Download at Mediafire
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Companion Mix: Lifeline [Kitty POV]

Fanmix: The Jean Grey School for Higher Feelings (All-New X-Men, Kitty/Jean)

2014-04-27T20:20:00Z

Wow, I have not posted a proper fanmix in almost four years. /o\ I'm here to rectify that with a mix for a very uncommon ship that is mostly based on my own headcanon. OH WELL! I hope someone else might enjoy the music at the very least. :) (Or, even better, feel inspired to give All-New X-Men a read and come frolic in the teacher/student femslash with me.)

Please enjoy this album art I made with MS Paint (actually I'm pretty happy with it, lol):

The Jean Grey School for Higher Feelings: An All-New X-Men Kitty/Jean Fanmix

1. Counting Stars - OneRepublic - This is a Headmistress Kitty song, running the Jean Grey School like a BAMF. :3

Lately I been, I been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be
But baby, I been, I been prayin' hard
Said no more counting dollars
We'll be, we'll be counting stars
Take that money
Watch it burn
Sink in the river
The lessons I learned

2. Landsailor - Vienna Teng - Avengers vs. X-Men, two schools/teams both striving for mutant ideals.

Lightbringer
Tamer of night
Blossom of hours unleashed
Make me a lawbender
All equalized
Saved from the chill and heat
Your power flows through me transformed
Here’s where I was born

3. Falling - Haim - The start of Kitty & Jean's attraction.

Now we're going down
And I can feel the eyes are watching us so closely oh
I'm trying not to make a sound
'Cause I'll be found out somehow

So keep calling,
Don't stop, no, I'll never give up
And I'll never look back, just hold your head up
And if it gets rough, it's time to get rough
But now I'm falling

4. Help I'm Alive - Metric - Teen!Jean in a nutshell.

If we're still alive my regrets are few
If my life is mine what shouldn't I do
I get wherever I'm going, I get whatever I need
While my blood's still flowing
And my heart's still beating like a hammer

Help I'm alive
My heart keeps beating like a hammer
Hard to be soft, tough to be tender
Come take my pulse the pace is on a runaway train
Help I'm alive
My heart keeps beating like a hammer

5. Hey Brother - Avicii - Kitty and her new O5 team, leading into Battle of the Atom.

Hey brother, do you still believe in one another
Hey sister, do you still believe in love, I wonder
Oh, if the sky comes falling down for you
There’s nothing in this world I wouldn’t do

6. Bad Blood - Bastille - Battle of the Atom, Kitty's team joining with the New Xavier School.

If we're only ever looking back
We will drive ourselves insane
As the friendship goes resentment grows
We will walk our different ways

But those are the days that bind us together, forever
And those little things define us forever, forever

All this bad blood here, won't you let it dry
It's been cold for years, won't you let it lie
And I don't wanna hear about the bad blood anymore

7. Hysteria - Muse - Kitty teaching Jean to control her powers, attraction ~intensifies~.

'Cause I want it now
I want it now
Give me your heart and your soul
And I'm not breaking down
I'm breaking out
Last chance to lose control

And I want you now
I want you now
I'll feel my heart implode

8. Of the Night - Bastille - Kitty helping Jean through the knowledge of her future. And then they bang.

Won't you teach me how to love and learn
There'll be nothing left for me to yearn
Think of me and burn and let me hold your hand
I don't want to face the world in tears
Please think again, I'm on my knees
Sing that song to me
No reason to repent

This is the rhythm of the night
The rhythm of the night
This is the rhythm of my life
The rhythm of my life

9. Monster Hospital (MSTRKRFT Remix) - Metric - The Trial of Jean Grey, Jean's guilt and fear.

I fought the war but the war won't stop for the love of god
I fought the war but the war won

Monster hospital, can you please release me
You hold my hands down, I've been bad
You hold my arms down, I've been bad

10. Wires - Athlete - Kitty worrying about Jean.

Running down corridors through automatic doors
Got to get to you, got to see this through
First night of your life, curled up on your own
Looking at you now, you would never know

I see it in your eyes, I see it in your eyes
You'll be alright

11. Last Hope - Paramore - Resolution of the trial, Jean embracing her power and Kitty's support.

It's just a spark
But it's enough to keep me going
And when it's dark out, no one's around
It keeps glowing

And the salt in my wounds isn't burning anymore than it used to
It's not that I don't feel the pain, it's just I'm not afraid of hurting anymore
And the blood in these veins isn't pumping any less than it ever has
And that's the hope I have, the only thing I know that's keeping me alive

12. Never Look Away - Vienna Teng - The ultimate Kitty/Jean love song.

Let me uncover the silver in your dark hair
The weight of your bones
I want to witness the beauty of your repair
The shape you’ve grown
For you are made of nebulas and novas and night sky
You’re made of memories you bury or live by

So if you’re out there in the cold
I’ll cover you in moonlight
If you’re a stranger to your soul
I’ll bring you to your birthright
I want the storm inside you awoken now
I want your warm bright eyes
To never look away
Don’t you ever look away

13. Skulls - Bastille - A possible dark future; future!Kitty/Jean from Battle of the Atom.

I can't help but think of you
In these four walls my thoughts seem to wander
To some distant century
When everyone we know is six feet under

When all of our friends are dead and just a memory
And we're side by side, it's always been just you and me
For all to see

When our lives are over and all that remains
Are our skulls and bones let's take it to the grave
And hold me in your arms, hold me in your arms
I'll be buried here with you

14. Your Protector - Fleet Foxes - The threat of Jean's possible futures, Kitty protecting her no matter what.

She left a week to roam
Your protector's coming home
Keep your secrets with you, girl
Safe from the outside world

You walk along the stream
Your head caught in a waking dream
Your protector's coming home

As you lay to die beside me, baby
On the morning that you came
Would you wait for me

15. Laughter Lines - Bastille - Ah, time travel angst. The possibility of Jean being sent back to the past. :'(

You took me to your favorite place on Earth
To see the tree they cut down ten years from your birth
Our fingers traced in circles round its history
We brushed our hands right back in time through centuries

As you held me down, you said

I'll see you in the future when we're older
And we are full of stories to be told
Cross my heart and hope to die
I'll see you with your laughter lines

16. First Day of My Life - Bright Eyes - ...BYE

Yours is the first face that I saw
I think I was blind before I met you
Now I don't know where I am
I don't know where I've been
But I know where I want to go

Remember the time you drove all night
Just to meet me in the morning
And I thought it was strange, you said everything changed
You felt as if you'd just woke up
And you said, this is the first day of my life
I'm glad I didn't die before I met you
But now I don't care, I could go anywhere with you
And I'd probably be happy

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Vidpost: "Gimme Sympathy" (Bunheads, Michelle/Sasha)

2014-02-09T05:02:14Z

Title: Gimme Sympathy
Vidder: beerbad
Music: "Gimme Sympathy" by Metric
Fandom: Bunheads
Pairing: Michelle/Sasha (femslash or platonic, viewers' choice ;)
Summary: Michelle and Sasha have a lot of feelings about each other, and I have a lot of feelings about their feelings.

Notes: This vid was a long time coming -- I started it almost exactly a year ago in February 2013. Michelle and Sasha's relationship had really, ahem, escalated in the second half of the season. I could barely contain myself and KNEW that if anything would break my five-year vidding hiatus, this show would do it. Anyway, so I started the vid before the season was even over and then a few things happened. Namely, the season ended, the show went on a very long hiatus, and then after months of waiting it was axed by ABC Family. :'(

I literally cannot remember the last time a show's cancellation hit me so hard. I had about one third of the vid finished at that point, and couldn't bring myself to rewatch the last few episodes in order to take notes now that I knew they were the final episodes of the series. So this poor vid sat unfinished for months, until I finally got my act together and finished it. Then more tragedy struck! The external hard drive where I had my episode files stored failed literally the DAY after I had finished my final draft, and I'm still working with SeaGate tech support to see if the data is recoverable. In the meantime, what I've posted is an earlier completed version, which thankfully exists. If I can ever recover the final edit, I'll replace this one, but there were only a few pretty minor changes so I hope everyone can at least enjoy this version. :\

Technical notes: Made with Magix Movie Edit Pro 2013, which I bought for $50 and never crashed or slowed down my computer. Really great and cheap for non-linear editing software! My OS is Windows 7. I used downloaded 720p mkv files, which I converted to AVIs using Avidemux. I did all my clipping directly in the program.

This vid is dedicated to everyone who has ever listened to me ramble on about Bunheads at length and explode my feelings all over them. Namely, mammothluv (thanks as well for the vid graphic!), looklikemine, chaila, cyborganize, and metatxt! <3

Streaming: YOUTUBE
Download: comment for link :)

Fic: "Sick" (Once Upon a Time; Red & Emma, Charming/Red/Snow)

2013-09-12T17:10:05Z

Title: Sick
Author: beerbad
Fandom: Once Upon a Time
Relationships: Red & Emma; Charming/Red/Snow
Rating: G
Word count: 1,169
Summary: Established Charming/Red/Snow. Red takes care of a very grumpy and sick Emma while Snow & Charming have their date night.
Author's notes: This fic takes place within MickeySam's Red Snowing 'verse, which I adore so much. I got this plotbunny and it wouldn't leave me alone, so I wrote it. Thanks, Sam, for letting me play in your headcanon! <3

It was their first date night in ages, Red had even agreed to stay home with Emma, and Snow was determined. But Emma was not making it easy.

Snow knew something was wrong that morning when Emma had passed on her normal bowl of cereal and had collapsed on the couch as soon as she stepped in the door after work. Whatever bug she’d picked up had only gotten worse as the day went on; by the evening she had dissolved into the grumpy, weepy Emma that always appeared whenever she got sick.

Still, the dramatics seemed especially heightened on this particular night. Date night.

“Don’t go,” Emma pleaded, tugging on the sleeve of Snow’s coat, “Please.” And out came the large, watery puppy dog eyes, right on schedule.

“Emma,” Snow said calmly, “You’ll be fine. Mama’s gonna take good care of you, I promise, and we’ll be back before you know it.” Snow glanced behind her daughter to Red, silently pleading for a little assistance.

“Dad…” Emma tried, as Red stepped forward and laid a hand on Emma’s back.

“What is it, sweetheart?”

“I don’t feel good…” she whined, her bottom lip starting to wibble. Snow knew it was now or never. Charming really was a pushover when it came to their daughter.

He turned to Snow. “Maybe we should just call it off.”

With one last hug for Emma and kiss for Red, she grabbed Charming’s hand and turned toward the door. “That’s it, we’re going, see you later! Everything will be fine!”

~~~~~

The tears started almost immediately after the door closed behind them. This wasn’t the first time Red had experienced Emma in this state; she was well aware how drastically Emma’s behavior and demeanor changed whenever she was sick. Still, things seemed to be hitting her harder tonight.

“Oh, Pup, it’s okay,” Red said sympathetically, squeezing Emma’s shoulder. Without reply, Emma made a beeline for the couch again, falling face-down into the cushions.

Red couldn’t help but feel a little slighted. Sure, she wasn’t Emma’s biological parent, but they were still a family. She went to get the thermometer out of the medicine cabinet, and then climbed the stairs to Emma’s bedroom.

“I think this will make you feel better,” Red suggested as she handed Emma her baby blanket. Emma took it and held the soft material close against her chest. Granny had knitted the blanket for Emma before she was even born, so in a way, Red realized, it was like a part of her had been with Emma from the very beginning after all. She smiled at the thought.

Red knelt down next to the couch. “Can you tell me what hurts?”

“Everything,” Emma moaned, silent tears still running down her face. “I want Mom and Dad to come home.”

Red looked at her with pity. “I know, sweet girl. We just need to be patient.” She reached over to wipe away some of Emma’s tears with her thumb. “Now let’s take your temperature. Armpit or mouth?”

Emma turned away, burying her face in the back of the couch and curling her body into a ball. “Emma, work with me here. Please,” Red said firmly. She wanted to help Emma feel better as much as she could, but it was difficult when she didn’t fully understand why Emma was so upset.

Emma lifted one arm in response, the other still grasping her blanket. “Armpit it is,” Red said to herself.

After a minute the thermometer beeped, showing a normal temperature. “No fever, that’s good. Besides everything hurting, how else do you feel?” Red questioned, stroking Emma’s arm lightly.

“Tired. Achey. Sore throat,” Emma mumbled into the cushions. She was sniffling too, though Red couldn’t tell if it was from congestion or the crying.

“Okay, I have a plan of action. There’s two parts,” Red said, standing up. “The first involves cold medicine. And then we move on to phase two, which includes lots of cuddling and TV. What do you think?”

Emma nodded.

After a little coaxing, Emma sat up and drank the purple Nyquil. “I don’t see how that’s grape,” she commented, sticking out her tongue.

“Hush,” Red replied, “and scootch over.”

Red sat down on the couch and Emma lay back down, head in Red’s lap. “Just relax,” Red encouraged as she began to stroke Emma’s hair.

Halfway through their first episode of Downton Abbey, Red noticed that Emma was softly crying again. “You’re okay, baby,” Red whispered in a soothing voice. “Do you want to try and get some sleep? I bet they’ll be home before the end of the next episode…”

“No…” Emma choked out, “I want to stay up.”

“Okay,” Red said as she rubbed Emma’s back. She sometimes wondered if Emma was like this when she was sick because unlike during her childhood, she actually had people now to take care of her. It made sense that she was extra sensitive about them leaving her.

“Emma, sit up for a second.” Emma slowly did as Red asked, rubbing the tears from her eyes. “Now look at me.”

Red could see how miserable and exhausted she was, in more ways that one. “Your parents are not going anywhere. Every time you’re sick, just like tonight, your mother will pretend to put you to bed, even though you’ll always end up in ours, and the next morning your father will always be there to spoil you and give you popsicles and whatever else he thinks could possibly help you feel better. As for me, you know who’s the best temperature-taker around.” She winked, hoping Emma believed her words.

“And I miss them too,” Red admitted. “Now I think I need some of those patented Charming family cuddles.”

Emma crawled into Red’s lap, still sniffling. “Love you, Mama,” she whispered, nuzzling into Red’s neck.

“I love you too, Pup.” Red draped Emma’s blanket over the two of them as best she could.

~~~~~

Snow and Charming came back to a quiet and dark house, the only noise and light coming from the TV. “See, I told you they’d be asleep,” Snow said. “She always tires herself out eventually. Looks like she tired Red out too.”

Emma stirred at the sound of her voice. “...Mom?”

“Shh, I’m right here,” Snow said as the pair walked over to the couch. “How are you feeling, honey?”

“Sleepy,” Emma pouted. “Mama gave me that grape stuff.”

“Okay, let’s go to bed.”

“‘Kay.” With a yawn, Emma let Snow lead her over to the bedroom.

Red awoke when she felt the absence of Emma’s weight on her legs. She stood and stretched. “Well, how was the date?” she asked Charming.

He came over and gave her a kiss. “It was nice, but I’d be lying if I said we weren’t a little worried. About both of you.”

“I gave her drugs. And we watched Downton,” Red smiled, hooking an arm around Charming’s waist. “Mostly we missed you.”

“We missed you too,” Charming replied. “So, bed?”

“Bed.”

Fic: "Bad Dog" (Once Upon a Time, Granny/Ruby)

2013-01-06T01:23:25Z

Title: Bad Dog
Author: beerbad
Fandom: Once Upon a Time
Characters: Granny & Ruby (Or Granny/Ruby? IDEK. It's complicated.)
Rating: R
Word count: 1,297
Summary: Written for the prompt "Granny/Ruby, spanking" at ouatfemkink. Ruby's been a bad wolf and Granny corrects her behavior with a firm hand. (There's a touch of Red Beauty if you squint!)
Author's notes: Just couldn't resist this prompt. ;) Hopefully this will be the first of many fills I write for ouatfemkink, because there are already sooooo many good prompts. Guh.

“Ruby, get down here!!”

Ruby sat up in bed with a start at the sound of Granny’s voice echoing up the stairs. She was sitting on top of her still-made bed wearing her clothes from the day before.... Memories of the previous night during wolfstime slowly returned to her as she racked her brain to try to come up with some reason for why Granny would be so mad.

Ruby yawned and stretched as images gradually filled her mind -- running around town, sniffing things, chasing after squirrels in the woods. Smiling, she remembered visiting Belle in the library; Belle had scratched her behind her ears and rubbed her belly before sending her back to the inn. And then she had come back here and--

“Now!!” Granny called, interrupting Ruby’s train of thought. She jumped off the bed, smoothing her rumpled clothing. Better go see what’s gotten Granny so riled up, she thought, not wanting to make her inevitable scolding any worse.

“Yeah, I’m coming, Granny!” Ruby called down. “What is it?” she asked as she descended the staircase. Granny had one hand on the bannister and the other on her hip; she was glaring at Ruby over her glasses in that disapproving way that always made Ruby feel ashamed of something. Even when she didn’t know what she had done wrong. Like right now. Unless the wolf...

“You don’t remember?” Granny asked her, incredulous. “Apparently, you felt the need to make sure everyone knows that the inn is your territory.”

The revelation hit Ruby smack in the face. She winced. “How much furniture did I pee on?” she asked, even though she was pretty sure she knew the answer.

“Furniture, carpets, plants, you name it,” Granny replied, “Which you should recall, since you are in control of the wolf now.”

The last words stung. Ruby did remember all of it now, but the wolf’s instincts sometimes still got the better of her. “I’m sorry, Granny. Um, it won’t happen again?” Ruby tried, giving Granny her best puppy-dog eyes.

“No. I expect more from you, Ruby. You can control yourself better than this. You know it, and I know it. Now come with me.”

Granny walked into the living room, Ruby nervously trailing behind her. She was confused when Granny sat down in the old rocking chair, until she remembered some of her more severe punishments from back in the Enchanted Forest.

Ruby’s eyes opened wide. “No, Granny, please, I’ll try-- I mean, I won’t do it again, I promise, you don’t have to--”

“Clearly, I do, because I don’t know how else to get you to take some responsibility for yourself. Now pull down your pants and let’s get on with it. Underwear too,” Granny added, and Ruby felt her cheeks flush bright red.

“Granny...” Ruby pleaded one last time as tears welled in her eyes.

“I don’t wanna hear it, Ruby.”

It was all Ruby could do to keep the tears from spilling as she unbuckled her belt and slid her hands under the waistband of her jeans and panties, pushing them down just enough to expose her bottom. Ruby looked down at her feet as she walked over to the rocking chair, not knowing if her anxiety was more due to embarrassment or fear of pain.

“That’s a good girl,” Granny said as Ruby reluctantly laid herself over Granny’s lap, eyes glued to the floor.

The first slap to her buttocks came without warning, causing Ruby to yelp in surprise. She suddenly realized that anyone could walk into the inn at any time and see her slung over Granny’s lap, bare ass in the air. Ruby tried to reason with Granny as such, but she stuttered on the words as the embarrassment started to slip into panic.

Granny responded by landing a series of slaps in quick succession on both of her cheeks. Ruby couldn’t hold back her tears any longer, nor could she keep from crying out at the sting of each blow. She tried her best to stay quiet and still, for fear of causing such a ruckus that someone would come in off the street to investigate. Unfortunately, Granny had other ideas.

“You know, at first I couldn’t figure out why you would misbehave when you’ve learned to have such control over yourself during wolfstime.” Granny’s hands rubbed Ruby’s ass, and Ruby let out a small moan at the soft touch on her sensitive skin. “But then I realized -- you must like being punished. It’s the only explanation.”

Ruby felt heat rush between her legs. “No, Granny,” she managed in a small voice. Granny’s hands continued stroking her bottom until Ruby couldn’t help but wiggle against the fabric of Granny’s apron as the heat in her core continued to build.

“What was that?” Granny questioned. “I couldn’t hear you!” Her hand came down with another resounding smack and Ruby’s breath caught in her throat. “N-n-no--” Smack. “--Granny--” Smack. Ruby’s ass felt like it was on fire as Granny hit the same areas over and over. “--I swear!!” Even as she said the words, she could feel the growing dampness in her pussy. She was torn between praying that Granny wouldn’t notice and begging Granny to touch her in the right spot.

“I don’t know that I believe you, Ruby.” Granny’s slaps continued, but they were slower and had lost some of their sharpness. Ruby found herself moaning with each blow, desperate for the contact. “You’ve always been starved for attention -- good or bad, to my dismay. Is that it?” Tears slipped from Ruby’s eyes, frustrated at herself for the arousal she couldn’t seem to control, just like how she couldn’t stop the wolf from... peeing on everything, apparently. (But it felt so good at the time, a voice in the back of her mind noted.)

“Or do you just like being a little girl who needs someone to clean up after her? Hmm? Answer me, Ruby,” Granny demanded.

“I... I’m sorry, Granny...” Ruby said, fisting her hands in the length of her grandmother’s skirt. “I don’t know!! I wish I did! I’m sorry!!” She was shaking now, whether in frustration or embarrassment or the pain from her stinging bottom, Ruby wasn’t sure. And as much as she tried to ignore it, the ache between her legs was still making itself known.

“Well, when you figure it out, you come to me,” Granny said, her voice softening. The slaps were once again replaced by Granny’s hands massaging Ruby’s bright red ass; this time one hand came up to rub her back as well. “You know I only punish you because I care about you.”

“Yes, Granny,” Ruby answered, though all she could focus on was how nice the gentle touches felt. She squirmed in Granny’s lap, trying to create the friction her pussy begged for. She was bad, Ruby realized, first with the wolf and now... now her arousal was leaving wet spots on her own grandmother’s apron.

“Okay. You’re done,” Granny sighed. “But next time, you’re cleaning up your own mess.” Ruby nodded and gingerly eased herself up. She wondered if the wolf - she - had done this all on purpose, subconsciously. Maybe Granny was right, that deep down somehow Ruby knew she deserved to be punished.

“Now you best head back upstairs,” Granny said as Ruby buckled her belt. “I think you have another problem that needs to be taken care of.”

Ruby felt the blood rush to her face until the color of her cheeks must have matched that of her bottom. Oh god, she did notice, Ruby thought, and replied with the only words that would form in her mind at that moment. “Yes, Ma’am.” Granny smirked, shaking her head.

Ruby turned on her heels and ran up the stairs.

The Once Upon a Time Femslash Kink Meme is OPEN FOR BUSINESS--

2013-01-01T05:07:33Z

Lady business. XD

Once Upon a Time femslash kink meme

Hey you! Yeah, you! Do you...

- Enjoy Once Upon a Time?
- Enjoy the ~ladies~ of Once Upon a Time?
- Enjoy reading and/or writing about the ladies of Once Upon a Time ~doing stuff~ together?
- Think there should be more femslash in this fandom and need some inspiration to write some?
- Want someone to fill your dirtiest/strangest/funniest/fluffiest prompts?
- Want to participate in a kink meme without running into porn written about Rumplestiltskin and Jiminy Cricket?!?!

If you answered yes, then ouatfemkink is the place for you! :D

Fic: "Merry Christmas, Baby" (Once Upon a Time, Emma+Snow)

2012-12-26T04:23:35Z

Title: Merry Christmas, Baby
Author: beerbad
Fandom: Once Upon a Time
Characters: Emma & Snow
Rating: G
Word count: 1,208
Summary: Merry Christmas, fellow Oncers! Have some fluffy holiday comfort fic — because even 29-year-olds need their moms sometimes. <3 This story takes place after 2x09 “Queen of Hearts”.
Author's notes: This came to me in the shower this morning and I wrote it (freehand!) in the car on the way to my grandparents' house. I wish it were always this easy.

It was Christmas Eve and Emma couldn't sleep. Everyone had gone to bed hours ago -- Henry was tucked in on the couch; David and Mary Margaret - Charming and Snow White, she corrected herself - had kissed her on the cheek and headed off to Mary Margaret's bed; and Emma was left to her own defenses.

After she and Snow had returned from the Enchanted Forest, things had been so busy - everyone still adjusting to their new lives without the curse - that the holiday season had sneaked up on them. They hadn't even gotten a tree for the apartment, but Emma figured this was still bound to be the best Christmas she'd had.

So then why was she lying awake in bed, tears silently running down her cheeks? Emma looked out the window, the serenity of the snow falling and carpeting the town in white providing little comfort. She thought of all the Christmases she'd had as a kid, each year getting her hopes up that Santa would come and everything would be the way she imagined it, the way it was in all the movies she saw on TV. But it never was, and no matter how many times she experienced the disappointment, each year she foolishly let herself hope. Which of course just made the inevitable let-down all the worse.

Emma felt the tears running down her cheeks start to soak into her pillow, making a damp spot. As an adult she had all but ignored the holiday, hoping to avoid the painful memories that had piled up in association. And yet here she was, her impossible dream of finding her family come true at last, and she was still all alone in the dark... Emma told herself to get it together, that there was no reason to be so upset, not anymore, but the more she chastised herself the tighter her chest felt until she was gasping for breath.

Sobs overtook her body, increasing in volume as her anger at herself grew, anger that she couldn't get over all of these stupid memories and just be goddamned thankful for everything she had now. She was supposed to be happy, for fuck's sake.

Suddenly Emma heard footsteps outside her door. Cursing herself, she fisted her hands in her sheets and willed herself to be quiet. She couldn't bear the thought of Henry seeing her like this, on Christmas Eve no less...

"Emma?" Snow called, the door creaking as she slowly cracked it open. Emma breathed a small sigh of relief that she hadn't woken her son.

"What? I'm fine," Emma called out, the unevenness in her voice betraying her to the other woman.

But Snow wasn't having any of it. Emma winced, remembering how stubborn her mother was; this wasn't Mary Margaret anymore whom she could easily brush off. "What is it? What's wrong?" Snow questioned. Emma could tell Snow was trying to keep her voice even, but she could hear the worry behind it.

Emma turned away and buried her face in her pillow as Snow entered and approached the bed, knowing she had lost the battle to get herself under control in time. She felt Snow sit down on the edge of the bed, one hand coming to rest on Emma's shaking back. "Just talk to me, honey," Snow coaxed as she slowly began to rub Emma's back. "I'm not leaving you here like this. So when you're ready, let's talk."

Emma felt the emotions war within her, wanting Snow to leave but also desperately not wanting to be left alone again. She raised her head from the pillow slightly, just enough to get her words out. "It's just so stupid!" she managed between sobs, still unable to catch her breath. "I just... I just..." Emma tried, not knowing how she could possibly explain to Snow everything she was feeling.

"Is it the holiday?" Snow guessed, tentative. "The holidays can be hard for a lot of people, and I can only imagine for you..." She trailed off, but Snow's voice was soft and gentle.

"It's not just that," Emma offered. "I should feel good, but I feel..." she sniffled, searching for the words. Snow waited patiently, continuing to stroke Emma's back.

"Scared," Emma admitted at last, face buried once again in her pillow. "What if something happens, what if Hook and Cora -- If I lost everything, everyone, I... I can't let myself..." Emma gripped her sheets as tight as she could, letting the truth slip out.

Snow's hand stopped moving. "Oh, Emma. You said it yourself; love isn't weakness, it's strength." She smoothed Emma's hair out of her face, tucking it behind her ear. "Look at me," Snow urged.

Emma turned onto her side. Her sobbing had subsided, but tears still ran freely down her cheeks. "You're safe. We're all safe," Snow said, looking into her glassy eyes. "And if they come, we'll fight them together. Remember, good always wins," she finished with a wink.

Emma smiled at that, Snow reaching down to wipe away her tears. "Now, scoot over. I'm thinking you need a good story to help get your mind off all this, and I've got just the one."

As Snow climbed under the covers with her, Emma couldn't help but breathe a shaky sigh of relief that she wouldn't have to be alone anymore tonight, even if it made her feel childish. She snuggled into Snow's arms, surprised at now natural it felt. Or maybe she was just too exhausted to fight it. Snow held her tightly, and Emma finally felt herself begin to relax.

"Since it's Christmas, I want to tell you the story of a baby, a baby who was destined to do great things but had to live a hard life," Snow began, bringing a hand up to run her fingers through Emma's blond hair.

"Jesus?" Emma guessed, looking up at her.

"No," Snow laughed, "but this baby was also a savior.

"I only held you in my arms for a moment after you were born, before your father took you to the wardrobe. The curse was almost upon us, but it was hard to even care when all I wanted was to keep you."

Emma stared at Snow, entranced by the story of her own birth. "Close your eyes, baby," Snow said in a quiet voice.

Emma did as she was told, letting the soothing sound of her mother's voice lull her close to sleep. Her head was resting on Snow's chest, and she felt it gently rise and fall as Snow continued to tell the tale.

"... and even though sending you away was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, I had absolute trust and faith in you, that you would find us again. And you did, and you saved us all."

Emma was barely still conscious, but just awake enough to feel Snow lean down and kiss her forehead. "I loved that little baby more than anything, but oh, Emma, I love everything about you, I love you exactly the way you are, I love who you are, and you will never be alone again."

Emma could hear the emotion evident in Snow's voice. "Merry Christmas, Mom," she whispered, and fell into a deep sleep.

Fic: "Night of Hunters" (Once Upon a Time, Belle/Ruby)

2012-12-01T22:45:20Z

Title: Night of Hunters
Author: beerbad
Fandom: Once Upon a Time
Pairing: Belle/Ruby
Rating: NC-17
Word count: 2,526
Summary: Belle is determined to help Ruby during wolfstime and gets much more than she bargained for. Alternate take on 2x07 "Child of the Moon" where the wolf manifests a little differently in Storybrooke.
Author's notes: Originally written by hand on Nov. 27-29 - yes, during the full moon. ;) Special thanks to cenedrawood for letting me type this up on her computer while mine is broken! This fic belongs in a kink meme that doesn't exist yet, but this image became so insidious in my head that I had to get it out by writing this up immediately, and hopefully getting it stuck in your head instead.

It had been one month since the first full moon after the curse had been lifted. Belle had been there when Granny locked Ruby in the diner’s freezer that first night; she had attempted to give Ruby reassuring looks but she knew she couldn’t truly hide the worry on her face. None of them could, least of all Ruby herself.

She remembered the look of fear in Ruby’s wide eyes that night and the relief she had felt to find Ruby safe and sound the next morning. Ruby had reported strange dreams, but there were no claw marks or any other evidence that the wolf had taken hold that night.

But something did seem off to Belle, and after a month of her friend acting cagey and changing the subject whenever Belle attempted to ask her about it, she was determined to find out what Ruby had really experienced during those three nights.

~~~

“I know you’re hiding something.”

“Huh? What?” Ruby stammers, looking up from the books she’s shelving.

Belle sighs. “About wolfstime. You can tell me, you know. It’s going to happen again tomorrow night and I want to be there for you. That’s what friends do,” she adds with a small smile.

All Ruby had said this time was that she didn’t need to be locked up. Belle got the sense that she was still going to isolate herself for the three nights of the full moon, and she doesn’t like the thought of her friend being alone, whether she remains human or not.

Ruby squints at Belle through the stacks, a glint of uncertainty and something else Belle can’t define in her eyes. Belle feels her heart start to beat slightly faster.

Ruby looks down at the books in her hands, the twitch of a smile on her lips. “Trust me, Belle, some details of my... condition are best left undiscovered.”

Belle hears Ruby’s words, but there’s a new edge of playfulness to her tone that dares Belle to keep pushing.

“No, you trust me. I can handle it, whatever ‘it’ is. You shouldn’t have to face this alone. Plus... I’m a bit curious,” Belle adds sheepishly.

Ruby shelves her last book and saunters around the aisle until she is standing in front of Belle. “You’re sure?” Ruby asks, her eyes dark.

“Yes,” Belle assures her with more certainty than she feels. That mischievous grin is back on Ruby’s face as her hands come to rest on Belle’s shoulders.

“Okay.”

~~~

Belle crosses the street to Granny’s Diner, her stomach flip-flopping with nerves, as well as some sense of anticipation and excitement, she has to admit to herself. She chides herself silently -- for all she knows, she’s in for a thrilling night of listening to Ruby snore. Even so, the thought of Ruby sharing this part of herself with Belle - and just Belle - causes the butterflies in her stomach to flutter.

Ruby had insisted to Granny that she was fine to work, and Granny had countered her assurance by assigning her the evening shift that night. Belle pushes open the door, surprised to find only a few remaining patrons at this hour, smack in the middle of dinner hours.

She walks over to the counter immediately, where Ruby is standing with her hands on her hips. “Is this the best place to... shouldn’t we... where is everyone?” Belle inquires.

“Leaving,” Ruby answers. “Alright, that’s it, everyone out! Don’t forget to tip your waitress!” she yells to the handful of remaining customers. Doc tips his hat to them, the last one out. Ruby locks the door behind him, turns off the lights, and turns back to Belle.

Belle’s heart is thumping in her chest, so loudly she’s sure Ruby must be able to hear it with her enhanced senses. Speaking of the wolf... Belle glances over Ruby’s shoulder to look up at the sky through the windows, the full moon rising from behind the trees. She gasps as she brings her eyes back to Ruby’s, which have turned a golden yellow.

“What big... eyes you have!” Belle jokes feebly, suddenly reminded of the book of this world’s fairytales she had found in the library. She leans back against the counter, stepping back instinctively as Ruby approaches her with one of those patented Ruby-grins plastered across her face. Belle is usually quite fond of them, but tonight --

“And... and are your teeth...?”

“Sharper?” Ruby finishes as she closes the distance between them, her hands gripping the edge of the counter on either side of Belle’s body, pinning her there. “I think so...” Ruby answers, running her tongue over them carefully.

Okay, so maybe this wasn’t the best idea after all, Belle thinks, frozen in place.

As if reading her mind, Ruby lifts her hands up off the counter. “Oh, don’t worry, darling. I’m still me, just with a few... enhancements.”

Ruby moves even closer until she is flush against Belle’s side, and Belle suddenly understands exactly what Ruby means.

Ruby’s still in her waitress uniform (if one could still call it that after her alterations), her apron previously obscuring what is now a very noticeable bulge between her legs. Noticeable especially because it is currently pressed against Belle’s hip.

She immediately feels her cheeks flush red. “But... how--?” Belle stammers, too flustered to come up with any other response.

“Some kind of wolfy hormone imbalance, maybe?” Ruby offers. “Though honestly, right now I’m not so worried about the reason why.” Her voice is low and dark, and Belle’s instincts war within her: Fight, flee, freeze, or --

And suddenly it doesn’t matter because Ruby’s lips are smashing against hers, hard and rough, Ruby’s hands tangling in her hair.

Belle doesn’t know what to do so she’s kissing back, kissing Ruby -- or kissing someone who both is and isn’t Ruby. She freezes again when Ruby starts to grind against her, and it’s all so strange, but then Ruby, her Ruby, looks at her with those bright glowing eyes and says --

“Trust me.”

Belle releases the breath she wasn’t aware she was holding and feels the dull thud of arousal come to the forefront of her consciousness. She remembers that this is the person who has been there for her more than anyone else in Storybrooke, or maybe even before then. And some part of her wants this, has been waiting for this.

“I do,” Belle answers, meeting Ruby’s eyes.

“Okay then,” Ruby practically growls, and Belle can hear the need in her voice, can see it in the dramatic rise and fall of her chest, her breathing as heavy as Belle’s own. She leans in until her blood red lips are right against Belle’s ear. “I’m going to fuck you now.”

Belle’s eyes flutter shut then and she moans, realizing there’s nowhere to hide from Ruby and her wolf senses, which have undoubtedly detected the violent thump of her pulse and the scent of arousal between her legs by now. Belle tentatively reaches out to embrace Ruby, brushing her cheek against the other woman’s, but Ruby pulls away as she moves to untie the apron around her waist.

Belle can now clearly see the shape of Ruby’s cock, straining against her tiny shorts. “Over there,” Ruby gestures with a tilt of her head, eyes still trained on Belle. “Bend over the table,” she commands, and Belle swears she sees Ruby lick her lips.

Belle walks over to one of the booths, as calmly as she can manage, and leans over, her torso propped up by her forearms. She looks over her shoulder at her friend, all glowing eyes and gleaming teeth and wild hair. Ruby’s hands move to finally free her stiff member from the confines of her shorts. Belle can’t help but stare at it, hard and thick, Ruby’s hands stroking herself languidly.

It’s hard to reconcile the person stalking towards her with the woman she’s known, and Belle suddenly feels the need for reassurance. “Ruby,” she whispers, “it’s still you in there, isn’t it?”

“Don’t worry,” Ruby says again, walking the last few feet to the booth. “I would never hurt you. But you do smell delicious...”

She has a twinkle in her eye and that goofy grin on her face, and Belle sees her Ruby again. Silly, friendly, caring Ruby, who would do anything to help a friend in need. But right now Ruby’s clearly the one in need, the focus of which is protruding from her otherwise still-feminine body. Yes, Belle thinks, this is something she can help Ruby with...

“Wait,” Belle says as Ruby closes the last of the distance between them. “Would you... take off your shirt?” she suggests, thinking of all the times she’s admired Ruby’s cleavage in all those revealing tops her friend wears.

“Now you’re talking,” Ruby replies as she pulls off her crop top, exposing those full and perfect breasts. “For you, my dear, anything.”

For a moment they smile at each other, a shared feeling passing between them. Satisfied, Belle turns her head back around, looking down at the speckled table.

Belle remains still as Ruby lifts the hem of her dress, exposing her bottom. “Very nice,” Ruby says to herself at the sight of Belle’s white panties. She braces herself, but Ruby gently removes them. Belle mentally praises her for having some amount of restraint left in this form.

And after that there aren’t any more words between them, only feelings and instinct. Belle moans as Ruby makes contact, hands on her back and mouth on her neck and cock against her ass, the sensations flooding her all at once. Belle swears she can feel sparks, bright flashes of electricity, where their skin touches.

Ruby starts to move against her, her erection rubbing up and down the cleft between Belle’s cheeks. Ruby kisses her then, slow and tender against the soft flesh of Belle’s neck. Belle wonders if Ruby can feel the blood rushing against her pulse point under her lips.

Ruby moves again, a deep rumbling sound in her throat. She grabs at the material at Belle’s collar, tearing and ripping until there’s a gash in the fabric running halfway down Belle’s now-exposed back. She feels Ruby’s fingers on her bare skin, her sharp nails raking up and down, almost scratching but not hard enough to break skin. Ruby’s cock moves lower, the head traveling from the top of Belle’s ass all the way down between her legs, leaving a wet trail of precum.

Ruby continues to grind against her, the shaft of her penis rubbing up and down Belle’s labia until the head bumps against her clit and Belle thinks she can’t handle much more of this. She cries out in need, but knows better than to demand her friend hurry up in this state.

Finally, finally, the wolf inside gets the hint and Ruby’s hands move to her hips, the pressure pushing her down against the table almost painfully. Ruby’s cock, already slippery with their shared juices, slides back again until Belle can feel it rest against her opening. Clearly there will be no fingers warming her up, Belle thinks, and with one, two, three quick thrusts Ruby’s filled her to the hilt.

Belle moans, pleasure and pain mixing in her abdomen, her cheek resting against the cold linoleum of the table. She tells herself to breathe, breathe and try to relax, but it’s easier said than done when she hears another low growl escape her friend’s throat.

Ruby starts to move then, setting a steady but quick pace, her breathing heavy. The ridge of her penis rubs against a soft spot inside Belle, filling her belly with warmth, and Belle starts to understand why a woman would enjoy this particular position. She moves her hips, raising her ass to meet Ruby’s thrusts as best she can. Their speed starts to become more urgent, and Belle’s whimpering, the warmth continuing to spread throughout her body until she feels like it’s about to overflow.

She remembers she’s doing this for Ruby, and suddenly she is overflowing, crashing over the edge, her muscles convulsing. Belle cries out Ruby’s name, over and over and over as she comes. Ruby’s thrusts have become erratic, her breathing labored, and she screams like nothing Belle has heard before when she finally explodes inside of her, head whipping back.

Gasping and panting, Ruby thrusts slowly a few more times before she leans over and licks a trail up Belle’s back, nips at her ear with her sharp teeth, and whispers, “Thank you.”

Belle doesn’t have any words, is not sure if she will ever have any words again. Ruby slides out of her and Belle turns around, not exactly sure what to expect. Other than the softness of her member, Ruby is still feral... and Belle realizes they still have the moon to wait out. Apparently orgasm is not the magical cure for this condition, Belle chuckles to herself.

She slides up to Ruby, daring to bring a hand to cup Ruby’s left breast, and kisses her. Belle feels strangely relaxed, and Ruby certainly seems to be in a calmer state than she was earlier. “So what now?” Belle asks, her arms wrapping around Ruby’s waist. “Should we go back to your place? Or my place? I still need to keep an eye on you, you know,” Belle says with a grin.

“Oh, I’m not done with you just yet, my beauty,” Ruby drawls, pushing her back to arm’s length with a wink and the wolf’s grin. Belle’s heart skips a beat. “Down on your knees. Please,” Ruby adds, her golden eyes flashing.

Belle does as she asks, her knees hitting the cold floor, her body obeying before her mind can react. “What do you want me to--” she begins, but Ruby cuts her off.

“Oh, nothing. Just don’t move.” Her hands move down to her cock, still flaccid. “One last thing. I always have to mark my territory.”

Belle’s brain makes the connection just as Ruby nods her head back and relaxes her bladder, the stream of urine splashing against Belle’s chest.

Heat rushes to Belle’s cheeks immediately, though it takes her another moment to register the heat that’s building again between her legs as well. The hot liquid runs down her front, absorbed by the torn remains of her dress, and Belle hears a small moan escape her own lips.

It’s over almost as fast as it began, and Belle is still too surprised to move. Ruby, on the other hand, acts as if peeing on her friend were the most normal thing in the world (but Belle supposes for the wolf it might be), and tucks herself back into her shorts before moving to retrieve their other discarded pieces of clothing. Finally she comes back over to Belle, hands reaching out, and pulls her up off the floor.

“What, did you think I was gonna make you blow me?!” Ruby laughs. “We’ll save that for another night,” she adds with a wink.

Belle regains the use of speech at last. “So, tomorrow night... meet me in the library?”

And finally it’s Ruby’s turn to blush.

“You’re on.”

Lexie Fest is open for business!

2012-05-19T22:09:33Z

Come join us in celebration of Lexie Grey! All Lexie-centric prompts and fan works are welcome. Warning: Spoilers for finale will be allowed in prompts and fills.

Why I Loved Survivor One World: An Essay

2012-05-17T23:19:46Z

(This may be completely for my and jarrow's sole amusement, but if so, oh well. ;P)

Survivor is a really hit-or-miss show. Some seasons are epic and thrilling, others are boring and full of hateful people. When it's good it's SO GOOD, and when it's bad I feel like a chump for still watching. My favorite seasons have one thing in common: They feature awesome ladies to root for and, needless to say, crush on (i.e. Stephenie, Parvati, Amanda, Amber, Erinn). The presence or absence of one favorite contestant can make or break a season.

I was a little worried about Survivor: One World (season 24) when it started. The set-up was two tribes divided by gender, the twist being that they lived on one beach together. Because I know this show, I knew that neither of these elements would last long. Which was true. But I digress. The best thing about this initial gender split was that even though they lost the first bunch of challenges, the women had time to form strong bonds with each other (to varying degrees), while the men's tribe never really wavered from being a battle between alphas. Therefore, when the tribe swap and merge happened, the dudes were all over the place while the ladies' bonds remained strong.

There is NOTHING I love more than watching women dominate this game. I can't even describe to you how glorious it can be for me. For the first time ever, S24 featured a final five of all women, which is a huge accomplishment. No other group of ladies in Survivor history has managed to stick together through to that point in the game, and I say BRAVO to that whole tribe. They didn't let the guys break them up and they didn't flip to the other side.

But most importantly, One World featured a contestant whom is now a serious contender for my favorite player ever. This was made all the more awesome by the fact that SHE ACTUALLY FUCKING WON, and she deserved it by playing a better game than possibly anyone I have ever seen.

So let's talk about Kim Spradlin.

And let's thank the Survivor gods for the body oil challenge.

As it's been said before, Kim was a legitimate ALL-AROUND THREAT. She dominated challenges (and not just physical ones) and won four individual immunities. She found a hidden immunity idol that she never even had to use because she was already winning so hardcore. Kim also blew me away strategically. Just when I thought she couldn't own any more in the realm of strategy, the very next week she would pull something off that made me even more impressed. On top of that, her social game was near perfect. Even as a leader, she never had a target on her back because everyone just liked her too damn much. It is SO RARE for a contestant to excel in all three of these realms that Boston Rob's win is the only other example I can think of. Kim clearly had the win in her pocket around halfway through the season.

My golden jungle goddess!

I can't express how gratifying it is to watch someone play so hard and come up with that well-earned victory. I loved watching Kim in challenges, I loved watching her control the game, but perhaps best of all was watching her make genuine connections with people even when she knew she'd have to vote them out. Another key element to her game was that she OWNED every decision she made. She never apologized. She knew it was a game, but playing it as a game didn't keep her from making real friends.

LOL THIS GAME IS SO EASY YOU GUYS

Another thing I loved about this season... are you ready, this might shock you... was THE FEMSLASH. Kim and her BFF/secret girlfriend Chelsea were so adorable that I could barely stand it. (I would still do ANYTHING to read fic about them, guuuuh). They demonstrated the power of playing the game in a solid pair (a VERY SOLID pair, ahem), a la Boston Rob & Amber. Instead of trying to describe it, I'd like to send you over to my Survivor tag on Tumblr so you can see the love for yourself!

Accidentally in looooove...

Finally, here is what I believe to be the key to Kim's social game, which is apparently true for her in real life as well: She has the ability to always see a person's value, and find something interesting about them. She sees goodness and worth in every individual. (I think her sister Beth talked about this somewhere but I can't find it right now...) Other castaways talk about how magnetic she is, and the way she gives her full attention to every person and looks right into their souls, basically, when she's talking with them.

What amazing qualities to possess. Kim, you are my hero and a true role model. <333 NOW PLEASE GET YOUR OWN SHOW AND STAY ON MY TV FOREVER, KTHNX. :'(

A few Kim links for reference & posterity:
- Video of Kim getting her huge check!
- Survivng Kim, a blog run by her sister Beth (great pictures, great read)
- Kim interview with EW
- Red carpet interview post-finale