A Little Bit Evil

Self-Care Sunday and Chicken Fried Rice

badfalcon — Sun, 08 Dec 2019 18:05:00 GMT

I am declaring Self-Care Sunday a success!

I treated myself to some choc chip cookies in Tesco. Couldn't really afford it but hey, £1 isn't going to make that much of a difference to broke-ass, y'know?

I LOVE IT. I also soaked in a very hot bubble bath while my hair was stewing which cranky muscles in my hips and back were very appreciative of. I had Riley singing to me whilst said soaking was occurring.

I cooked chicken fried rice for the first time and it is NOMMY! For the next time, a little less rice and a little more veg & soy sauce but still delicious all the same.

Those few things, combined with just a little bit less pain have me feeling about 50% more llama-like

I thought I'd share the recipe for the Chicken Fried Rice

Prep: 5 minutes
Cook: 15 minutes
Serves: 6

Ingredients
2 tablespoons canola or vegetable oil
3/4 to 1 pound boneless skinless chicken breasts, diced into 1/2-inch pieces
1 1/2 cups frozen peas and diced carrots blend (I don’t thaw and use straight from the freezer)
3 green onions, trimmed and sliced into thin rounds
2 to 3 garlic cloves, finely minced
3 large eggs, lightly beaten
4 cups cooked rice
3 to 4 tablespoons low-sodium soy sauce
salt and pepper, optional and to taste

Method
To a large non-stick frying pan or wok, add the oils, chicken, and cook over medium-high heat for about 3 to 5 minutes, flipping intermittently so all sides cook evenly. Remove chicken with a slotted spoon (allow oils and cooking juices from the chicken to remain in the pan) and place chicken on a plate; set aside.
Add the peas, carrots, green onions, and cook for about 2 minutes, or until vegetables begin to soften, stir intermittently.
Add the garlic and cook for 1 minute, stir intermittently.
Push vegetables to one side of the skillet, add the eggs to the other side, and cook to scramble, stirring as necessary.
Add the chicken, rice, evenly drizzle with soy sauce, optional salt and pepper, and stir to combine. Cook for about 2 minutes, or until chicken is reheated through.

Thoughts
I would use a little less rice, and some more vegetables and soy sauce but OMG it was in-fucking-credible and I will most definitely be cooking it again. I've got like 3 Tupperware pots of it in the fridge as well!

Music! Music! Music!

badfalcon — Tue, 03 Dec 2019 10:39:24 GMT

We've reached the time of year where the annual wrap-ups from the sites I log media consumption through. SpotifyWrapped is coming at the end of the week and that's honestly one of my favourites because I've pretty much always got music playing.

I was curious though, so I went to last.fm to look at my YTD scrobbles. Everything I listen to on Spotify is scrobbled through last.fm so it'll be similar reports.

As of today, my top 10 most listened to artists in 2019 are:
Blue County
The Life Of Riley
Riley Smith
Bryan Adams
Raintown
Good Charlotte
Aerosmith
Bon Jovi
Christian Kane
Steve Carlson
And, I'm not going to lie, I'm surprised that Chris and Steve are in there. I didn't think I'd listened to them much this year, so it just goes to show!

Top 10 most listened to albums so far are:
Blue County - Blue County
Blue County - Population 2
The Life Of Riley - Live in Hollywood at the Hotel Cafe
Various Artists - Now 100 Hits Forgotten 90s
Raintown - Writing On The Wall
Riley Smith - Riley Smith
The Life Of Riley - The Life Of Riley
Christian Kane - Welcome To My House!
Raintown - Hope In Troubled Times
The Life Of Riley - By The Way

And the most listened to tracks so far are:
Blue County - Hollywood, California
Blue County - That Summer Song
Blue County - What's Not To Love
Riley Smith - Radio
Blue County - Sounds Like Home
Riley Smith - Break Somethin'
Riley Smith - Bad At Goodbyes
Blue County - Time Well Spent
Riley Smith - Earthquake
Riley Smith - Hard to Kiss

I'm curious to see if/how any of this changes over the course of this month. Will knowing this now have any effect on what I choose to listen to?

I also realised I've been scrobbling music plays through last.fm for 13 years now (!!) so... what are my all-time most played?
Artists
Good Charlotte
Steve Carlson
Goo Goo Dolls
Bon Jovi
The Life Of Riley
Kane
Simple Plan
Jason Manns
Bryan Adams
Hilary Duff

Albums
Goo Goo Dolls - Dizzy Up The Girl
Jason Manns - Jason Manns
Good Charlotte - The Young & The Hopeless
Good Charlotte - The Chronicles Of Life & Death
Good Charlotte - Good Charlotte
Kane - Kane
The Life Of Riley - The Life Of Riley
Good Charlotte - Good Morning Revival
Simple Plan - No Pads, No Helmets... Just Balls
Hilary Duff- Hilary Duff

Tracks
The Life Of Riley - Short Story Longer
Goo Goo Dolls - Slide
The Life Of Riley - By The Way
The Life Of Riley - She Got A Move
Steve Carlson - I'll Remember You
The Life Of Riley - She Got A Move
Goo Goo Dolls - Iris
The Life Of Riley - Trouble
Kane - America High
Steve Carlson - You Belong With Me

I find it interesting that no matter what moods and phases I go through with music, I always seem to come back to the same handful of artists. These have been in my top played artists most frequently
Good Charlotte - 12 years
The Life Of Riley - 10 years
Goo Goo Dolls & Steve Carlson - 9 years
Bon Jovi - 8 years
Gary Quinn, Jason Manns & Simple Plan - 6 years
Jenn Bostic & Raintown - 5 years

So there you go!

Music Monday & Happy Thoughts

badfalcon — Mon, 02 Dec 2019 10:34:46 GMT

The Real World^(tm) is stressing me out like crazy right now. I'm finding myself retreating into fandom more and more, and the fandoms are changing again. My muse has shiny new objects of interest like Good Omens, Rocketman and Prodigal Son. He's also rediscovered a Christian Kane, a Steve Carlson and a Jensen Ackles, and is even more in love with Riley Smith than ever. I've started writing again (still SG-1, still Jack/Daniel) and finding myself falling into AO3 and Tumblr again.

And that, of course, brings me back here and I'm remembering how much I used to enjoy blogging, how therapeutic it is to open up a window and type what's going on in my head: the good, the bad and the ugly. Even if I don't always hit the post button.

There's also the memory keeping aspect of blogging and I love re-reading old posts, reliving shenanigans and I haven't been doing that, don't have the posts of things I'd done recently. So, one last-ditch attempt at getting back into it.

What's also given a kick in the ass is that Kara @ Boho Berry has restarted the Boho Berry Challenge which is ostensibly a journalling challenge but also works really well as inspiration for blogging.

The prompt for day 1 (which, should have been yesterday) is Five things that make me happy and God knows right now, I need some happy so:
1) Having a hot bath, putting on warm & clean pjs and getting into a freshly made bed with clean bedding
2) Stargate
3) Raintown
4) Riley
5) Marking things off a to-do list

Day 2 is a little less happy-making, doesn't fit in the tone of this post, and will be continued later this afternoon. (I'm off work sick due to my joints hating me, have been since Thursday. Ugh!)

Also things that make me happy are music in general, and the awesome ways in which technology lets us listen to music. I really appreciate Eliot having bluetooth because it means I can listen to Spotify on my phone, played through the car, when I drive. It means I listen to much more music than I had before, and I can listen to a wider range of music when you consider my digital collection vs my music collection. Course, as my post last night of my top ten music artists I listened to last month shows, the more things change, the more things stay the same LOL

My Music Monday post tends to be the song I listened to most last week. I also love how last.fm scrobbling gives me all these awesome stats about what I listen to #cassieisageek And the song I listened to most last week was Bryan Adams - Fearless

November 2019 in Media

badfalcon — Sun, 01 Dec 2019 20:17:31 GMT

Because I do love a good list, y'know, so I thought I'd keep some of the TV & Movies I watch, and the books I read. I'm not gonna list all the music I listen to or we'd be here for forever - but I'll probably do like... a monthly wrap-up.

Books Read
Rick Riordan - Percy Jackson & The Sea Of Monsters
Franklin W Dixon - The Hardy Boys: The Secret Of The Old Mill
Daniel Klein - Travels with Epicurus: Meditations from a Greek Island on the Pleasures of Old Age
Rick Riordan - Percy Jackson: The Titan's Curse
Marian Keyes - Watermelon

Currently Reading
Ben Aaronovitch - Whispers Under Ground
James R Morris - Biology: How Life Works

Top Music Listened To
Aerosmith
Bon Jovi
The Life Of Riley
Bryan Adams
Radio Company
Lainey Wilson
Taron Egerton
Thompson Square
W.A.S.P.
Zedd

Top Played Song

TV Shows & Movies Watched
9-1-1 3x06 - 3x08
90210 1x11 - 1x12
All Rise 1x07 - 1x09
Avengers: Age Of Ultron
Billy Elliot
The Birch 1x01 - 1x02
Black Lightning 1x09 - 1x10
Buffy The Vampire Slayer 2x19 - 2x20
Bull 4x05 - 4x07
Carmen Sandiego 1x07 - 1x09
Carnival Row 1x03 - 1x04
Charmed 2018 1x11 - 1x12
Contact 1x07 - 1x08
DIY SOS 28x02, 29x04
Eddie The Eagle
Eggheads 20x16 - 20x17
FBI 2x05 - 2x08
For All Mankind 1x01 - 1x02
Frankie Drake Mysteries 3x06 - 3x09
God Friended Me 2x05 - 2x09
The Good Doctor 3x05 - 3x08
The Graham Norton Show 26x05 - 26x06
Grey's Anatomy 3x03 - 3x06
His Dark Materials
The King
Lawless
MacGyver 6x05 - 6x06
Magnum PI 2018 2x05 - 2x09
Marvel's Agents Of SHIELD 2x13 - 2x19
The Morning Show 1x01 - 1x02
Most Haunted 1x09 - 1x10
Nancy Drew 1x05 - 1x07
NCIS 17x06 - 17x07
NCIS: Los Angeles 11x04 - 11x07
NCIS: New Orleans 6x05 - 6x07
New Amsterdam 2x06 - 2x08
The Passage 1x03 - 1x04
Poldark 1x07 - 1x08
Prodigal Son 1x07 - 1x09
The Resident 3x04 - 3x07
Rocketman
The Rookie 2x05 - 2x08
Seven Worlds, One Planet 1x02 - 1x04
Smallfoot
Supernatural 15x03 - 15x04
Trollhunters 1x09 - 1x10
Tyrant 2x03 - 2x04
Vampire Knight 1x13 - 1x14
The War Of The Worlds 1x01
Yellowstone - 1x07 - 1x09

Music Monday

badfalcon — Mon, 11 Nov 2019 19:05:01 GMT

It's been one of those days where every time I looked at the clock, another hour had passed and the day was just racing away from me. It was a pretty good day though and I felt pretty accomplished - I got most of the payment run completed and uploaded. Tomorrow I need to focus on email and queries because my poor inbox is pushing 100 again and that's stressing me out. Then Wednesday we're closed for the whole day for a stress test on the new system. ARGH

I got distracted watching this video for this week's Music Monday. I'm supposed to be watching the David Attenborough episode on my TV (South America, the mama Puma just took down a Llama-cousin. I sadly!) but... well... Riley, y'know? LOL

I remember that gig. I remember that horrible little haunted venue *shudder*

FIC: The Secrets We Keep

badfalcon — Wed, 06 Nov 2019 20:21:33 GMT

Title: The Secrets We Keep
Author: Cassie Morgan (badfalcon)
Fandom: Stargate SG-1
Categories: gen, angst, au, drama, fantasy, hurt/comfort
Rating: PG-13
Thanks to: You, for reading this. ravensword for the beta.
Disclaimer: Daniel Jackson, Jack O’Neill, Sam Carter, Janet Fraiser, Teal’c, George Hammond and all recognisable elements of the Stargate universe are so very not mine, and remain the property of the respective copyright holders. This story is written purely for entertainment purposes and no money is being made from it.
Notes: HUGE THANK YOU to Natalie for the handholding, cheer-leading and beta on this. It's been brewing for a couple of years now but I've never had the confidence to even finish writing, let alone edit or post. But Natalie's coaxed me along, drawn the story out and here we are

I'm still mildly terrified of posting if I'm perfectly honest. This is the longest fic I've ever written and there have been plenty of blood, sweat and tears spilt in the process. But I'm super proud of it and hope you enjoy!
Summary: Daniel has been keeping a pretty huge secret, but a ceremony on an alien planet makes it impossible to keep.

Have a link to read on AO3, because it's too long to post in one post and I don't have the brain to figure out where to split it into parts

September 2019 in media

badfalcon — Mon, 23 Sep 2019 16:13:44 GMT

Because I do love a good list, y'know, so I thought I'd keep some of the TV & Movies I watch, and the books I read. I'm not gonna list all the music I listen to or we'd be here for forever - but I'll probably do like... a monthly wrap-up.

Books Read
Milly Johnson - An Autumn Crush
Ali McNamara - Secrets and Seashells at Rainbow Bay
Aaron Rosenberg - Stargate Atlantis: Hunt & Run

Currently Reading
Anne Rice - Interview With The Vampire

Top Music Listened To
Raintown
Riley Smith
Pink
Blue County
Enrique Iglesias
Steve Carlson
Christian Kane
Green Day
Ronan Keating
The Corrs

Top Played Song

TV Shows & Movies Watched
9-1-1 3x01
11.22.63 1x01 - 1x04
Always A Witch 1x09 - 1x10
Avengers: Endgame
Avengers: Infinity War
Bella and the Bulldogs 1x05 - 1x06
Black Panther
Bull 4x01
Captain America: Civil War
Carnival Row 1x01 - 1x02
Castle 8x03 - 8x04
Contact 1x04 - 1x06
Country Strong
Criminal Minds 4x22
DIY SOS 22x01, 24x02
Doctor Strange
Eggheads 7x01 - 7x02
Empire 2x03 - 2x04
The Eugenics Crusade
FBI 2x01
Frankie Drake Mysteries 3x01 - 3x02
The Good Doctor 3x01
Guardians Of the Galaxy
Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol 2
Illuminated: The True Story Of The Illuminati
Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom
The Lego Batman Movie
Light As A Feather 2x07 - 2x08
Luther 5x01 - 5x04
Magnum PI 2x01
Men In Black: International
Most Haunted 1x07 - 1x08
My Next Guest Needs No Introduction 1x05 - 1x06
NCIS 17x01
NCIS: New Orleans 6x01
New Amsterdam 2x01
The Resident 3x01
Sanditon 1x01 - 1x02
Serenity
The Seven Deadly Sins 1x11 - 1x12
Spider-Man: Far From Home
Spider-Man: Homecoming
Star Wars: The Force Awakens
Star Wars: The Last Jedi
The Story Of God with Morgan Freeman 1x01 - 2x03
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street
Thor: Ragnarok
Titans 1x07 - 1x08
Tolkien
Xena: Warrior Princess 1x01 - 1x03
Yellowstone 1x01 - 1x02

badfalcon — Tue, 13 Aug 2019 19:33:56 GMT

The FC called me into his office late this afternoon for my 'return to work' interview, he asked me how I was doing and, when I paused, asked me to be truthful. So I was. There may also have been tears.

I told him I was feeling like I couldn't do my job effectively, my lack of faith in Fleet when query invoices get sent to them (complete with a specific example that happened today), how I felt like L was micro-managing me/looking over my shoulder/telling me how to do my job. I told him about the day when I was doing a payment run at the end of July for overdue May invoices/June invoices and L was insistent that I stop the payment run and focus on processing the July invoices (y'know, that aren't due for payment until August), that I'd said to her that if I didn't pay the invoices the suppliers would put us on stop, and her response was 'they'll just have to put us on stop. He wasn't aware that she'd told us to prioritise processing over everything, including checking emails.

I also told him that I didn't feel comfortable having a conversation with L to tell her so, that none of us would. He's going to have a word with her on our behalf. I'm just hoping I haven't made things worse. He's already working with the Fleet director on them multitude of issues both we and our customers are having regarding POs and invoices. (They're about a month backlog on providing initial POs to suppliers and they're not telling suppliers which company in our group to invoice, which means half the time, an invoice is already overdue before we even receive it for payment... and then we have to go back and tell them 'please reinvoice to [one of our other companies]' and they're so fed up they're now refusing - or charging admin fees on it.

The amount I've got done in the last two days without L being in is ridiculous. I was on emails dated 17th July yesterday, I started 1st August today. I've cleared all my reminder letters and most of my filing and am half-way through my statements pile. I have a checked and organized pile of invoices to process once we're open from month end. And don't even get me started on how it's already the middle of August and we haven't even been able to start processing August invoices yet!

He wanted me to know if I started getting stressed again to come and have a word with him. He said it was hs job to get stressed over things, not mine, that's what he gets paid the big money for. He's going to see if L&D can get me any stress management training and if there's anything for helping me deal with interruptions.

I'm supposed to hear back from the other job I interviewed for last week. The recruiter has already told me I'm the preferred candidate. I'm starting to wonder if thinking of leaving is a knee-jerk reaction and should I give it a little longer and see if things improve. I'm very torn, and think there could be a pros and cons list in my future!

AO3 Meme

badfalcon — Mon, 12 Aug 2019 19:35:49 GMT

I'm sure y'all have seen that AO3 Kudos meme that's doing the rounds - List your top fanfic on AO3 for every year, sorted by kudos.

I don't have all of my old stuff posted to AO3, not much pre-Good Charlotte I don't think (so the mid-00s) - thank God because some of it really fucking sucked. And, as I'm going through the meme, there's not a lot of that posted there either. I may have to go back and post some of it. For a point of reference, I've been posting fanfiction online since circa 1998 so, yeah.

I'm trying to give Bob! a kick up the ass to start writing again, so maybe this will help?

2003
Discernible.
194 hits, 11 kudos
X-Men, Logan/Scott Summers, PG-13
Both watching... and being watched

2004
Behind Closed Doors
433 hits, 14 kudos
Bon Jovi RPS, Richie Sambora/Jon Bon Jovi, NC-17. BDSM, non-con
Richie interrupts Jon in a very private moment and decides to take control of the situation, whether Jon wants him to or not
~~Yikes, some of the really appalling stuff is still out there!~~

2005
245 hits, 9 kudos
Bounce On This
Bon Jovi RPS, Richie Sambora/Jon Bon Jovi, NC-17. PWP
Richie does exactly what it says on Jon's t-shirt...

2006
297 hits, 10 kudos
Night Games
Bon Jovi RPS, Tico Torres/Jon Bon Jovi, NC-17. PWP, BDSM, Spanking, Nipple Play, Object Insertion, Wax Play
Late one night, Tico and Jon take advantage of an unoccupied hotel room, a room that Tico had already prepared

2007
113 hits, 3 kudos
All I Need
Good Charlotte RPS, Benji Madden/Joel Madden, NC-17. BDSM, Twincest, Riding Crops, PWP
Joel tries to prove to Benji that he doesn't need to be ashamed of his need to submit by showing him how much they both need the release it brings.

2009
295 hits, 18 kudos
Kitchen Delight
Leverage, Nate Ford/Eliot Spencer, PG-13. Established Relationship, Domestic Fluff, Food Porn
There's something very erotic about Eliot; it's there in everything he does, fluid beneath his skin in every little movement. And Nate loves it...

2010
893 hits, 72 kudos
A Meeting Of More Than Minds
Leverage/White Collar, Neal Caffrey/Eliot Spencer, NC-17. Fetish, PWP
What was supposed to have been a simple retrieval job takes a left turn when Eliot runs into an old friend who is after the same manuscript as his client. Luckily, Eliot has dealt with Neal Caffrey many times before and knows just how to take care of him.

2011
1462 hits, 31 kudos
Handling The Hitter
Leverage, Nate Ford/Eliot Spencer, NC-17. BDSM, Angst, H/C
hen Eliot needs to let go and decompress, Nate is the one he turns to

2012
318 hits, 18 kudos
At The Car Wash
Kane RPS. Steve Carlson/Christian Kane, NC-17. PWP, AU, Exhibitionism
Christian, the cute guy who works at the car wash, is something that Steve wants. And Steve, the spoiled rich boy, is used to always getting what he wants.

2013
1091 hits, 38 kudos
A Sacrificial Offering
Stargate SG-1, Jack O'Neill/Daniel Jackson, NC-17. PWP, BDSM, dubious consent
Neither Jack or Daniel react the way Jack would have expected them to when Daniel is captured as a sacrifice to an off-world god.

2014
1165 hits, 107 kudos
Shall We Dance?
Stargate SG-1, Jack O'Neill/Daniel Jackson, PG. Coming Out, Fluff, Angst
Jack is old, and tired, and just wants to dance with the man he loves

2015
1536 hits, 52 kudos
What The Colonel Wants
Stargate SG-1/Stargate: Atlantis, Jack O'Neill/Cameron Mitchell/John Sheppard, NC-17. PWP, Bondage, D/s
John Sheppard and Cameron Mitchell know exactly how they want to celebrate John's promotion to Lt Colonel. Now all they have to do is convince General O'Neill

2016
1527 hits, 148 kudos
Through Another's Eyes
Stargate SG-1, Jack O'Neill/Daniel Jackson, PG-13. First time
A misunderstanding on Mitchell’s part makes Jack reassess his relationship with Daniel

2017
1929 hits, 92 kudos
This Time
Stargate: Atlantis, Ronon Dex/John Sheppard, NC-17. PWP, First Time
Ronon and John are sparring when Ronon realises the effect being pinned is having on John. John tries to deny but fate knows better

2018
365 hits, 27 kudos
Happy New Year
Stargate SG-1, Jack O'Neill/Daniel Jackson, PG. Vignette, Slice of Life, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship
It's New Years Eve and Jack has every intention of staying up to see in the New Year.

Back To Work

badfalcon — Mon, 12 Aug 2019 18:20:31 GMT

I went back to work today. The girls were all super concerned and JF even said she wasn't expecting to see me back this week. I admitted that I hadn't been sure, that even at 8 o'clock when I was getting in the car, I wasn't sure if I was coming in or going back to the doctors.

However, L - the micro-managing manager is off this week, she was also off last week and it's amazing how much more I get done without having someone trying to tell me how to do my job. I mean, I've been doing Purchase Ledger for over a decade, I know how to do it and I'm damn good at it, y'know?

But today, I managed to
spend an hour filing (my filing pile is like Padalecki high!),
sort out all the paperwork that was floating around my desk (separated into invoices, statements, reminders - then the statements into vague date - nothing specific just 'August', 'July', 'June', and 'earlier')
allocate the payments I made before I went off and send copy remittances to people requesting them

I got through something like 60 emails, sorted out all of the random invoices that were on my desk - either processed, sent to Fleet in query or shredded because they were duplicates - and sorted out like 4 accounts that were on stop, getting them off stop.

I was playing the major sympathy card though. I am super behind in my emails, like I'm on the 25th July, so I've been all "sorry for the delay in getting back to you, it's my first day back after being off sick and in hospital" which... well its technically not a lie, since I WAS off sick and I did spend time in hospital - ok, one afternoon in A&E but still. However, it's doing the job and it's getting really snotty credit controllers off my back.

If it was always like that, I wouldn't want to leave. I came out feeling really good, that I've had a really productive day. Plan for tomorrow is get to at least the end of July's emails and the 'earlier than June' statements/letters

Music Monday & a Drs Appointment

badfalcon — Tue, 06 Aug 2019 09:04:58 GMT

I'd felt rough all weekend, dealing with what the internet tells me was a migraine hangover - I still had a headache, I was barely staying awake more than 3-4 hours at a time. So when yesterday morning rolled around, I was on the phone to the Drs office as soon as they opened, then called into work sick.

I get to the Drs and get asked if I mind being seen by a trainee, supervised by a qualified GP. Of course I don't mind.

I started telling her what was wrong and promptly burst into tears. Told her everything about the crappy situation in work, how I'm not doing so good, I'm losing concentration and memory, not sleeping, having nightmares. I told her how I spent 10 minutes looking for my keys this morning and they were already in my bag, how I'm not eating because I have no decision-making abilities and choosing what to eat is too big.

She's signed me off for a week with stress and anxiety, go back next Monday if no feeling any better. She's also told me to call my mental health team.

My boss was... not impressed. Part of the situation at work is that we're very short staffed right now and me being off isn't helping. But, as Dr said, staffing levels aren't my worry. And, by signing me off, it's like I've been given permission somehow to not worry about it.

In related news: I have a job interview for a different job tomorrow

My Music Monday posts tend to be my most-played track of last week as per my last.fm scrobbles. Last week was one of my new favourites of the last year, Blue County

I don't know what it is about their music but it's very ear-worm-y to me. This is not a complaint because I've completely fallen in love with them.

A Llama, a migraine and the ER

badfalcon — Sat, 03 Aug 2019 17:16:18 GMT

So, yesterday was fun. Fun in the sense of I collapsed in work and got taken to the hospital and spent the whole afternoon there...

About 11am, I was on the phone to a supplier when out of the blue, my vision went completely blurry. I couldn't see a thing out of my right eye. I experienced a hot flush, the entire world tilted sideways and I managed to say "someone get a first aider, I'm going to pass out". I woke up on the floor with what felt like half the company around me. They'd got a bunch of fans turned around and a cold compress on the back of my neck. I drank some water, some pop then promptly threw it back up. My right eye felt like it was pulsating, my vision was still blurry, every time I moved the world tilted sharply to the right, I was shaking and about the colour of a sheet of paper.

One of the first aiders got me into a company van and drove me to A&E but he wasn't allowed to stay with me :( I got triaged, blood pressure was a bit low. Blood was taken - and that was... an adventure. Normally, I have no trouble giving blood (other than the passing out - which, yup, did it again), but the first nurse who tried failed. The second nurse had no problems. Waited a while on results, made friends in the waiting room by an older lady with a couple of broken fingers who was concerned over how pale I was and how I was throwing up. I'd also started feeling really drowsy.

I got seen by a doctor who said that I was a little dehydrated, they hooked me up and gave me some IV fluids. She did a neuro exam on me, took medication history (I swear that gets longer and longer each time I give it) and did a physical exam. Although, she asked me to raise my right leg, bend my right leg and I had to say that I couldn't but that was not unusual. By that point my head was pounding, I was sensitive to light and noise and everything out of my right eye had a fuzzy outline.

She diagnosed me with having an acute migraine with aura. She popped me on high flow oxygen (that helped the drowsiness ), prescribed me some 250mg naproxen and 2x 30/500 co-codamol. About 30 minutes later she gave me a shot of sumatriptan (I think). And about 45 minutes after that, I was feeling much better so they diagnosed me, giving me a letter for work.

I rang the boss, the first-aider from this morning came and got me, took me back to work. After reassuring everyone I was doing ok, giving them the diagnosis etc, the FC then got one of the valeting lads to drive me home in my car while another one followed behind in a company van

I had something to drink, something to eat (this was now gone 5pm, I'd not eaten since just after 8:30 and had spent most of the day throwing up) then crawled into bed. I slept until about 9:30 and woke up RAVENOUS. I ordered pizza, stayed awake long enough to eat maybe half of it then slept til gone 8:30 this morning.

Today finds me with no energy levels, no attention span and having multiple naps. I walked into town, sent a parcel, bought some chocolate, hit up every inn and filled my spellcast power. Napped. Woke up, watched some Silent Witness. Napped. I still have a headache centred behind my right eye and the world still tilts alarmingly if I move too fast, walking this morning made me feel seasick.

Plan for the rest of the weekend is to continue to rest. Monday morning, I'll wait and see how I feel

Kindness

badfalcon — Sat, 03 Aug 2019 11:16:07 GMT

I am going to make an effort to be kind to myself in August. I've put my intentions out into the universe and am putting them down here on paper too.

Medication. I will take my anti-depressants every day. I feel better when I take them, this is not a shocking statement. I have an alarm set on my phone. I have friends who don't mind holding me accountable.

Skin care. I found some products that are working for my skin in July, I started a routine that was working. Face wash 5 mornings a week, facial scrub 2 mornings a week. Moisturiser with SPF. Micellar water in the evening. Night cream. Clay mask once a week.

Meal planning and prep. I feel better when I eat better, this has positive impacts on both my skin and my mental health. I also feel less stressed when I know what I'm going to eat every day.

Walking. Sticking to 6500 step goal a day, although I need to build up again as I'm just getting used to my Orthotics.

House work My flat is a mess. This is directly related to mental health/not taking my meds. It's one of those 'having depression means my flat is a mess, but my flat being a mess exacerbates the depression' circular issues. Even if I just do one thing a day to help improve the situation.

Music Monday

badfalcon — Mon, 29 Jul 2019 09:46:19 GMT

Ah a day off work on a Monday, is there much more wonderful? LOL

I've had a long weekend and I really don't want to go back to work tomorrow. I'm now counting down to my weekend in Scotland (3 weeks) and my trip to the US (6 weeks) but just knowing how shit the workload is, how stressful and tense the office is - and how much worse its going to get as we move into testing the new system over the next couple of weeks. UGH, I tell you.

But, right now... it's mid-morning, the sun is shining and I'm curled up on my couch finishing off S1 of Strange Empire. I slept almost 12 hours last night which was utterly heavenly because I haven't been sleeping right the last couple of days.

My plans for today are pretty much only go for a walk and play some WU later this afternoon. Maybe take my book and a drink and sit in the park for a while? I'd like to tackle the last of the dishes, do some laundry and clear off/clean the kitchen table but I've been doing that all weekend and haven't done it yet, so... uhh.. lazy is the way to go it seems.

For Music Monday, it's an old favourite track of mine - one that never fails to make me smile, crank up the volume and belt out the lyrics along with

RAF Cosford Model Aircraft Show

badfalcon — Sun, 07 Jul 2019 13:21:43 GMT

Yesterday, I'm proud to say, I pushed myself out of my comfort zone. Not just a little bit but like completely out of it. And I survived. I pushed myself physically a little bit too much and today is being brought to you by rest, ice, elevate, co-codamol and naproxen.

But. I DID SOMETHING NEW AND I ENJOYED IT

One of the women I work with, Kellie, invited me out to the model aircraft show at RAF Cosford yesterday with her and her son Erik. I know nothing about aircraft, or model aircraft or 4-year-olds but I've been meaning to get to RAF Cosford Museum for the last like 27 years and I think I'm getting an actual proper real-life friend in Kellie and I'm keen to work on that. So, I took the anxiety meds, jumped on the train and off I toddled.

We only stayed at the airfield for an hour or so. We oohed and ahhed at the flying displays, and some of the models on display. We shopped at craft fairs and ate donuts. But despite the sunshine of the last week, it was overcast, chilly and raining. So we abandoned the show in favour of the museum which has things like a roof and walls and is dry.

The museum is awesome. It's definitely somewhere I'm going to go back to on a nicer day when my legs aren't hurting and I'm not with a child, so I can properly take my time to look at the planes, read the information, get pictures ~~and hit all the inns and greenhouses and fortresses in Wizards Unite~~. The sheer size of some of these old planes blew my mind away - and I still love the Spitfire, a sentiment echoed by Erik.

There is a food festival at the end of the month so, depending on financial and physical situation that morning, I rather think I might take myself there.

Spammy McSpammerLlama

badfalcon — Mon, 01 Jul 2019 20:13:17 GMT

Today is Day 1 of sunshine_challenge and prompt 1 is Fannish Housekeeping. Looking at the suggestions they have posted, it's reminding me that my fanfiction stickypost is SO out of date that it doesn't even include my current fandom. So that means it's at least 5 years out of date.

I'm not going to be able to do anything about it right now however it's been pencilled in my planner to do at the weekend. I just need to check with Kellie tomorrow if we're going to the Model Aircraft Show on Saturday or Sunday.

Either way... wish me luck? *gulps*

[edited to add] and I can probably do with updating my icons. I have space for another 67, there are many under-represented fandoms and... well, how many Hilary Duff icons do I really need? (other than all of them?! LOL)

July 2019 In Media

badfalcon — Mon, 01 Jul 2019 19:31:07 GMT

Because I do love a good list, y'know, so I thought I'd keep some of the TV & Movies I watch, and the books I read. I'm not gonna list all the music I listen to or we'd be here for forever - but I'll probably do like... a monthly wrap-up.

Books Read
David Niall Wilson & Patricia Macomber - Stargate: Atlantis 15 - Brimstone
Dan Brown - The Da Vinci Code

Currently Reading
Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman - Good Omens

Top Music Listened To
The Life Of Riley
Raintown
Bryan Adams
Emma Stevens
Blue County
Linkin Park
Backstreet Boys
S Club 7
Crippled Black Phoenix
P!nk

Top Played Song

Raintown - Play It Loud

TV Shows & Movies Watched
Always A Witch 1x01 - 1x04
Armada: 12 Days To Save England 1x02 - 1x03
Arrow 5x19 - 5x20
Batman Vs Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Bill Nye Saves The World 1x07 - 1x08
The Blacklist 1x09 - 1x10
Cardinal 1x05 - 1x06
Chernobyl 1x04 - 1x05
Coyote Ugly
Crazy Ex-Girlfriend 1x15 - 1x16
The Curse Of Oak Island 1x01 - 1x05
DC's Legends of Tomorrow 2x16 - 2x17
Designated Survivor 1x15 - 1x16
DuckTales 2017 1x18
Eggheads 7x11 - 7x12
The Godfather
Good Witch 1x03 - 1x04
Gravity
Grimm 3x03 - 3x04
Hannah Montana: The Movie
The Hit List 1x05 - 1x06
The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey
The Hollow 1x09 - 1x10
The InBetween 1x04 - 1x07
Legend 1x11 - 1x13
Leverage 2x09 - 2x10
Light As A Feather 2x01 - 2x02
Marvel's Agents Of SHIELD 2x01 - 2x02
Marvel's Jessica Jones 1x07 - 1x13
Moulin Rouge
Outlaw King
Pirates Of The Caribbean: The Curse Of The Black Pearl
A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 6x09, 6x17
Princess Mononoke
Sherlock 2x01 - 3x01
Six Bullets
Stargate SG-1 1x09 - 1x10
Strange Empire 1x11 - 1x13
Swamp Thing 1x06 - 1x09
Top Gear 15x06, Special 33
Tyler Perry's The Haves and the Have Nots 1x01 - 1x04
Vampire Knight 1x11 - 1x12
White Rabbit Project 1x05 - 1x10
X-Men 2

Music Monday

badfalcon — Mon, 01 Jul 2019 19:21:32 GMT

One of the weirdest things when you start a new job is deciding who you're going to be there, how much of you you're going to let fly. I'm so used to not being 'got', being surrounded by people who haven't even heard of the shows I watch/music I listen to etc let alone watch them. People who think Love Island is a real TV show. Then you end up damping down so much of who you are, spend a lot of time faking 'normal' and not being you. And it's exhausting and depressing.

This place though? People know MCU and DC and Supernatural and sci-fi and horror. When I go into work saying 'did anyone see Good Omens?' the answer is yes and we can have proper conversations about it. There are three women, all similar ages to me, with similar interests. Even the boss, it turns out, is into heavy metal and there's gentle teasing about my love for emo. Boss decided things like "do you like My Chemical Romance?" need to be in the interview going forward LMAO. I had a chat about Bowling For Soup the other day! K has even invited me out socially... and I'm even thinking about going.

My therapist remarked that she can't believe the difference in me in just two months since I've been there. It feels pretty fucking amazing, I'm not going to lie. Even after a fuck-up with the meds at the beginning of the month that left without them for a week - a rollercoaster of going cold turkey, not being on them and back on them. But I bounced back and I'm getting my feet back on the level again.

Things with physical health are going well also. I'm seeing the physio in the gym once a week, working on strengthening my bad leg. I'm now up to being able to do 3 minutes on the exercise bike, the goal is to get to 5 and I'm doing 15-20 reps with about 10kg of weight on leg presses and stuff.
Orthotics measured an inch and a bit difference between my legs and they have two pairs of my shoes that they're building up the soles on to correct that. Once I get those back at the end of the month, the physio can then start to work on my centre of gravity, balance, continuing to strengthen my leg, continuing to work on the movement of my hip to then teach me to walk.

So, ye. That's the current state of me. Right now, sprawled out on my couch having overdone the walking and watching Jessica Jones.

And, randomly, for Music Monday, have some Ronan Keating

Music Monday

badfalcon — Mon, 03 Jun 2019 19:10:44 GMT

Today has been filed under 'nope'. I didn't sleep well last night, managed to get maybe 3 hours. I think part of it was having switched out my winter duvet to a summer one and it was just too light and I was cold. I hurt from cleaning the oven. Bob! was singing songs from Phantom Of The Opera down my ear and my brain was chasing it's tail, including things like "remember that D you got in English when you were 14? This is why you suck when you try and write fanfic'

I almost fell asleep in my data protection training this afternoon. I mean, it's a dull enough subject as it was and it was over an hour and a half. Zzzzzz

Work has continued to be manic, another one of those days where you were getting pulled in about six directions at once and nothing gets done. Throw in losing half the afternoon... yeah, not a good day.

So I stopped in Tesco on my way home, picked up a microwave chicken & bacon pasta and curled up on my couch. I watched the pilot of Swamp Thing, which was awesome and I'm now on the last two episodes of Dirty John. My goal for this summer is to try and finish some of the shows I've got half-watched and not get too caught up in mid-season shows. She says, having just... started... a mid-season show. I know I know. My brain is mush!

TV goals this week, I think, are going to be
finish Bodyguard
finish S1 of Broadchurch
finish S3 of Haven
finish S2 of iZombie

Today's Music Monday comes from a local-ish to me band called Gasoline & Matches

I have no brain for squidgiepdx's posting meme today. I think the brief answer is Willow Rosenberg but I'll think on that more hopefully tomorrow

June Posting - Days 1 and 2

badfalcon — Sun, 02 Jun 2019 20:14:26 GMT

As seen... all over my DW circle this evening, squidgiepdx is doing a June Something posting thing and... I do love to ramble about fandom so lets see if I can join in, shall we?

Day 1 - We all have that ONE fandom, or OTP. But what would you consider your backup fandom? Bonus: Who is your backup OTP? Same fandom or different?
My brain only has space for one fandom. I watch All The Things (I mean, hell, you've seen my TV watching monthly round-ups... I watch everything but my brain only seems to be able to want to play with one set of characters at a time. It's been like that since I discovered online fandom in my late teens, just one sandpit to play in. And, luckily, my brain considers SG1 and SGA as being the same sandpit - which is useful when one of your main pairings is a crossover.

So. Um. I don't really have a backup fandom. Maybe Leverage at a push?

And, y'know, once upon a time I was an OTP girl. And, in Stargate, there are a couple of pairings I prefer over all others, but there's just so much pretty to play with. OK. So. If you were to hold a gun to my head and make me make a decision, I would say my main pairing is Jack/Daniel and my backup would be Sheppard/Mitchell.

Day 2 - If you were able to insert yourself into one fandom as your reality, what would it be? Bonus: How different would you be in that reality?
That's... honestly not something I've ever really thought about. The closest I've really come to that is that I'd be in the year below Harry, Ron, Hermione & Co at Hogwarts (Ginny's year) and that I'd be in Hufflepuff.

Although, no, I would take my broken ass body to one of the wonderful on-screen doctors who are able to diagnose and fix absolutely fucking everything. Take me to Hope Zion to be seen my an orthopod like Charlie Harris. I'll either have working legs, or I'll die trying!

If we take a non-disabled, mentally sound version of me, I'd love to do my accounts payable role in an agency like SHIELD or the SGC or STARR LABS or something like that. I know it's dorky but I think it would be hilarious... but maybe that's just me

Apricots

badfalcon — Sun, 02 Jun 2019 19:06:32 GMT

So, this happened on Twitter earlier this afternoon:
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How's your Sunday coming along? LOL

Basically, in the fruit special offers section, there were punnets of 6 apricots for 49p and, since money isn't quite as tight and I'm trying to eat a little better, I figured I'd buy them. Now, I've had tinned apricots and I've had dried apricots, but I've never had an actual apricot before. So I did what all good millennials would do and asked the internet. OK and I looked on BBC Good Food and google before tongue-in-cheek posting to social media but OMG! You do not want to know the utter fit of fangirl that occurred there. I've also now had random people on Twitter (Stargate fans) suggesting things I can do with apricots.

Other than apricot-related shenanigans, it's been a good day. I slept in til like 9, I ate breakfast and watched Marcella. I wrote a meal plan, a grocery list and went grocery shopping. I did dishes. I swept the kitchen floor. And, most importantly - if you can handle the excitement- I cleaned the inside of my oven.

I was not quite prepared for how much doing so would hurt. I was operating on the assumption that I could sit my ass down on the floor to do it but with the door open, I couldn't reach so I was having to bend over the whole time. My back and hips are still screaming at me. I had a nice little rest though, watching the 2004 movie version of The Phantom Of The Opera. It's not a bad adaptation but nothing quite beats seeing it on stage... and John Owen Jones will always be my phantom.

I was hoping I'd be able to get the dishes finished and clear off the kitchen table but my little legs are still aching so I don't think it's going to get done. I have, however, hit my increased step goal of 5000 so I'm feeling pretty pleased with myself for that.

Yesterday I wrote 434 words of Jack/Daniel, and I've already written almost 100 today. The main bulk of the story is almost done - it's just over 800 words so far. Then I just need to go back in and add a few more details in the opening scene and it goes to my beta for her green pen.

So yes, today has been another good day and I'm feeling pretty awesome.

I survived

badfalcon — Sat, 01 Jun 2019 19:11:09 GMT

I survived the week at work. It was absolutely fucking crazy but K & I got through it.

My inbox is down to under 40, we got the purchase ledger inbox down to under 380 and the month-end payment run got done. I was exhausted and my emotions were all over the place, I didn't get anything done housework wise but I kind of figured I wouldn't. It's going to be at least another week before J is back so next week is going to be another fun one - everyone realising on Monday of what they did/didn't get paid at month end and either ringing or emailing in. We'll get through it though, the same way we got through last week

Today, however, has been a good day. I have had all the windows open, I've stripped my bed, I've done laundry, I've done dishes. I went for a walk in the sunshine. I cooked steak with cheesy mash and green beans. I'm now knackered and my legs hurt so I'm sitting with my legs up watching iZombie.

I also weighed myself, charged my Fitbit and have been actively trying to be more mindful of what I'm eating. I set my step goal really low, just 2500 steps a day and have been smashing it every day - averaging about 4700 so next week I'll set my goal to 4800. I don't want to set it too high and either stress myself out because I'm not reaching it, or push myself too hard and hurt my legs. But I am making the effort to actually do exercise so it's working. Eating wise, I'm keeping to my calorie goal about 75% of the time, and my drinking 2l I managed 3 out of 5 days this week. I'm quite pleased with that. I definitely need to drink more water at weekends though, just need to figure out how to accomplish that.

So, my June goals are:

read 4 books

lose between 6lb and 9lb

find something good in every day

finish writing Jack/Daniel 'I Remember' fic

write out notes/plot out/start writing SG1 team orgy AMTDI fic

finish iZombie S2

June 2019 In Media

badfalcon — Sat, 01 Jun 2019 08:26:29 GMT

Because I do love a good list, y'know, so I thought I'd keep some of the TV & Movies I watch, and the books I read. I'm not gonna list all the music I listen to or we'd be here for forever - but I'll probably do like... a monthly wrap-up.

Books Read
Stephen King - 'Salem's Lot

Currently Reading
David Niall Wilson & Patricia Macomber - Stargate: Atlantis 15 - Brimstone

Top Music Listened To
Good Charlotte
The Life Of Riley
Bryan Adams
Alisha's Attic
Black Stone Cherry
Blue County
Emma Stevens
Avi Kaplan
Natalie Gelman
Raintown

Top Played Song

TV Shows & Movies Watched
The 12th Man
90210 1x07 - 1x08
A Place In The Sun: Summer Sun 1x04
Bodyguard 1x05 - 1x06
Broadchurch 1x07 - 1x08
Buffy The Vampire Slayer 1x13 - 1x14
Burn Notice 3x01 - 3x02
Captain Marvel
Charmed 2018 1x07 - 1x08
Chernobyl 1x01 - 1x03
Chicago
Coroner 1x03 - 1x08
Dirty John 1x05 - 1x08
DIY SOS 27x02
Empire 2x01 - 2x01
The Favourite
The Flash 3x20 - 3x23
Fraggle Rock 1x05 - 1x06
Frontier 2x01 - 2x02
Full Ride
Garage Sale Mystery
General Hospital 57x13 - 57x22
Gentleman Jack 1x01 - 1x02
Good Omens 1x01 - 1x02
The Graham Norton Show 25x08 - 2x09
Guardians Of The Galaxy
Guardians Of The Galaxy, Vol 2
The Haunting Of Sharon Tate
Haven 3x12 - 3x13
The Hit List 1x01 - 1x04
The InBetween 1x01 - 1x03
iZombie 2x13 - 2x19
Kid Cannabis
Leverage 2x07 - 2x08
Location Location Location 5x03 - 5x04, 7x02
Marcella 1x05 - 1x08
Marvel's Daredevil 1x07 - 1x13
Marvel's Jessica Jones 1x01 - 1x06
Memory Games
Monsters Inc.
Most Haunted 1x01 - 1x02
My Next Guest Needs No Introduction
The Perfect Man
The Phantom Of The Opera
Project Blue Book 1x07 - 1x10
Rango
Resident Evil: Afterlife
Shallow Grave
Shooter 2x01 - 2x06
Stargate: Atlantis 4x04
Stargate SG-1 1x07 - 1x08
Supernatual 1x01 - 1x04
Swamp Thing 1x01 - 1x05
Titans 1x05 - 1x06
The Void
When Calls The Heart 1x11 - 1x12
Whiskey Cavalier 1x03 - 1x04
White Rabbit Project 1x03 - 1x04
Yu-Gi-Oh Duel Monsters 1x09 - 1x10
The Zookeeper's Wife

YOU CAN!

badfalcon — Tue, 28 May 2019 18:21:41 GMT

I think "You can do it" is going to be my mantra for the next couple of weeks. Things at work are more than a little bit insane; sometimes it's good but sometimes it's very overwhelming.

J, the most experienced member of the team, is signed off work until the beginning of July. L, the new finance team leader, is in hospital having an operation. That leaves me and K; she's been there just under a year and of course, I'm still finding a lot of scenarios where I'm having to ask for help/advise because I don't know what I'm doing. Her and A, the FC, are both awesome when I need help though, so I never feel like I'm bothering them.

Today has been an overwhelming day. Normally, we get two days for running aged creditors reports and pulling together the weekly BACS run. Throw in a Bank Holiday and combine it with month end, and it's taken me all day to go through the 5 pages of my report. They still do it all so manually - no-one trusts the figures that are on the system so its a case of print the report, print ledger for all accounts with an over/due balance, check ledger against the statement, attach the statement to paperwork. Update spreadsheet for sending remittances. Manually upload payment to the bank. Repeat for over 100 suppliers. *bangs head into nearest brick wall*

My in-tray is overflowing. My inbox is exploding. The team inbox is full and can't receive any more emails. I haven't had time to look at any of them today. On the bright side, the phones were fairly quiet. Hopefully tomorrow, the phones will stay quiet and I can make a dent in some of the chasers and statements that I need to sort.

Tonight, I'm feeling very brainmush. I'd hoped to get to the Hermes drop-off point and return a package to Amazon, and I'd hoped to do some housework or get some words written but honestly, I'm just vegging on the couch watching The Bodyguard on Netflix. I still need to figure out how to stop the overwhelmed/stressed out reaction leading to my brain just shutting down. Will speak to my therapist next week... and that reminds me to check the date of the appointment and add it to my planner.

Music Monday

badfalcon — Mon, 20 May 2019 17:54:54 GMT

I have been in such an Aerosmith mood lately. I don't know why and I'm certainly not complaining. I do love me some Aerosmith :) So, for Music Monday, we're going to have

One of the things I'm liking most about my new job is the slightly longer commute means I get to listen to more music each day. Instead of at 7-10 minute drive each way, it's 23-25 minutes so I get to listen to pretty much a CD every day. I hadn't realised how much I missed listening to so much music until I was doing it again.

The same with the longer lunch break - an hour instead of half an hour and because I'm still not very mobile, I'm not able to get out and walk which sucks (I can almost manage 1/4 mile before tears of pain) so I'm going into the kitchen and reading - and I'm getting through a good 70 or 80 pages. Again, I hadn't realised how much I missed reading until I started doing it again. Hopefully, I might start making a dent in my to-read pile. I'm wondering about taking headphones in and listening to music while I'm reading.

Other than that, I think I'm starting to find my groove at work. I'm finding my routine and I'm less exhausted/drained when I get in. I always start my day with allocating yesterday's payment runs and doing the filing. Then I do my daily tasks -
Monday/Tuesday I work on my aged creditor's report and put together my weekly payment run
Wednesday I upload my payments to the bank
Thursday I sent out remittances
Friday is a 'catch-all' day
Mornings I work through my to-do list (I always finish my day with writing a to-do list for tomorrow) and any urgent payments/on-stop accounts.
Afternoons I do emails/mail

So yeah, starting to feel really good about it - and now I just need to work on finding my rhythm on work-day evenings