飛び去ってゆく

Please.

azurehook — Sun, 11 Sep 2011 16:11:49 GMT

I usually go to tumblr to get an escape, but this post frustrated me. I expected some of this to come up because it is 9/11, but.

I know what today is. I had the reminders emblazoned on the radio when I woke up, on the television when I was checking the weather, on the Sunday paper when it was delivered to my door.

I know the exact moment, the day, where I was, who I was with.

Please don't push your rhetoric, your assumptions, and your logic onto me. Say what you need to say, but don't be presumptuous in that you speak for more than yourself. Be respectful. And if you don't remember, if you don't understand, then for the love of god be fucking honest about it.

[FIC] Of Two Stars and the Milky Way

azurehook — Sat, 09 Jul 2011 04:42:17 GMT

Title: Of Two Stars and the Milky Way
Rating: PG
Pairing: Yoochun/Changmin
Genre: Romance, Minor angst, Fluff, Touch of science fiction
Summary: Could you walk through dreams to find...
Notes: Written for SINSI contest way back in the day. Posting for archival purposes. As Tanabata (July 7th) just passed, the story and title is perhaps apt for this time being.

A Road to Somewhere
It’s misting, grey skies and students are rushing to their next classes under black umbrellas. Changmin climbs up the stairs of the nearest building, not realizing what he’s stumbled across until the sound of a piano interrupts his thoughts. Curious, he wanders the halls to the source of the sound.

The door is slightly ajar and he sees a figure with longish wavy hair, eyes closed, fully focused on playing. His skin is white, almost porcelain-like, and Changmin can’t help staring. He edges closer to listen better. But he leans a bit too heavily on the door and it flies open, slamming against the wall

Changmin winces before glancing up at the other boy. But he keeps playing as if nothing has happened. Brows furrowing, Changmin continues to stare. It’s not common for the figures in his dreams to be passive or to ignore him. Perplexed, he starts to edge closer.

He suddenly feels a strange tingling sensation and the scene drastically brightens. It’s no longer a cloudy, rainy day but a sunny one and a light breeze flows from the window.

“And you are…?” The boy glances at Changmin, his fingers paused over the keys. “I wasn’t expecting anyone.”

“Didn’t you… hear the door slam?” Changmin cocks his head. “I was certain it would have disrupted you.” Changmin is genuinely perplexed. The boy doesn’t act like most of his usual characters in his dreams. In fact, he has a rather mysterious air.

The other boy simply shakes his head.

“You just suddenly seemed to appear,” the boy remarks, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “I was hoping a pretty girl would come, but I guess you’ll do.”

Changmin is taken aback. He really isn’t used to having a situation like this in his dream. Maybe all those video games were affecting his dream functionalities. Or something in his consciousness was telling him something.

“Hello? You know, you don’t act like most people I usually meet.” The boy stands up then, extending a hand. “Yoochun. Park Yoochun. “

It takes a few seconds for Changmin to take the extended hand and give a shake. “Shim Changmin…” he introduces, cautiously.

“Well. I’m sure you didn’t just come here to watch me play piano, right?” Yoochun grins mischievously before the scene switches and they are on a race track. At least, it looks like a track though it’s floating in the air.

The sound of whirring alerts him and Changmin turns around to see Yoochun suited up in skintight leather jumpsuit on top of a… hover motorbike?

“Yours is there. I haven’t had a chance to race so you’re my first opponent today,” Yoochun decides, pointing to the bike floating next to Changmin.

Changmin looks down then, realizing he’s similarly dressed. Not quite understanding, not quite knowing when this dream started changing so rapidly, he nods anyway and hops on, revving the engine.

It’s unlike anything he’s ever experienced before. The speed, the sharp turns, the wind whipping his hair are all new as he pushes to catch up to Yoochun. There’s no one else up here and Changmin feels incredibly free. He’s always wanted to dream something like this, but it’s always taken him a bit more effort to control his dreams fully. The dream instructors tell him it’s because he started later than most previous cases of dreamers.

He wonders if he’s had some break in his dreaming, making him able to try new things.

Changmin fails to consider there could be another like him.

Keep on Rising
They told him he was unique, a rare one among the faceless dour masses. Of course, there were others who could dream – usually ten percent of each generation had the ability.

But to take full control of the dream by oneself? Only one or two individuals had that power and could also package the dream in a compact form. With the growing influx of machinoid humans, the need for biological based escapes and entertainment were in high demand. These days, it was all about experiencing flight through a dream, exploring a new world through one’s mind, sensing everything without the addictive dangers of electronic entertainment. And of course, the realism of a dream was much greater than any manmade game. dreamSOARing was the trademarked name.

To be honest, Shim Changmin was not a likely candidate. His family background was full of scientists and technicians – very little creativity in any shape or form. Though being middle class meant some exposure to the concept of dream soaring, Changmin was expected to take aptitude tests and skills test to determine his future occupation.

But the test results implied something else and Changmin soon found at the age of 16 that he was to be placed in a special facility, away from his family where his dreams could be harvested. At first, he had hated the idea of change, of being forced into dreaming when it had been a personal escape. But as the years passed, he soon grew used to developing his talent and was able to control his dreams more fully. With so few dreamers, Changmin lived in luxury and had access to the best resources in the nation.

The entire complex had outdoor fields, expansive gardens, and even a hedge maze. There was a library full of books, music, and movies for inspiration. He could take any art subject he was interested in, from Chinese water color to welding. The computer rooms were also available so he could take classes with other students online without leaving the facility.

In the end, though, he was confined. He had few friends, though he did manage to make some through classes and stay in contact online. It was lonely and Changmin sometimes wondered if he was sacrificing too much for his talent, for living in such a grand place. But he had always been somewhat of a loner type with few friends. At most, he felt a vague sense of unease and distant curiosity.

“Changmin, my boy. That hover motorcycle dream has been flying off the shelves. Good job, good job,” Supervisor Lee tells him the next day, with a strong slap on his back. Changmin winces at the slap, giving an awkward smile. He’s never been too comfortable with the supervisor, but it’s mostly because he usually interacts with the dream instructors. Supervisor Lee is mostly in charge of logistics and business, making sure that dreams are appropriate and sold to the right parties. It’s rare that he usually comes to personally talk to Changmin.

“Still… we haven’t gotten that flying dream, have we boy?” Supervisor Lee clucks in disappointment. “These entire years and not one dreamer has given me one. Well. You’re young yet. There’s quite some time until the military takes you.” He gives a hard pat on Changmin’s shoulder before waddling off.

Changmin purses his lips. He’s not quite sure whether to be relieved or dread the fact that his escape is the required military duty. But the government has also mandated that dreamers cannot be forced past the age of 30.

Which, is still ten years away for Changmin.

Take Me Out
It’s become habit now, where Changmin always goes to the red brick music building to find Yoochun. It’s always the same tune, not quite sad, but not quite happy either. He’s asked Yoochun about it before, but Yoochun simply gives him a sad look before laughing it off.

Changmin doesn’t quite know why he’s created this character, enigmatic and slightly mysterious. He chalks it up to his recent loneliness where most of his classmates are on vacation right now. In either case, he’s discovered totally new activities and adventures.

Today, they’re taking their hoverbikes to the canyon pass with tricky underpasses and hidden tunnels. Changmin’s getting almost as good as Yoochun, managing to cut him off and be first for a few seconds before a sudden drop catches him off guard and he’s left in the dust once again.

He’s desperate to catch up when he notices Yoochun go toward the sea. Pausing, he slows a bit. Hoverbikes don’t work well above water and one could end up floating for eternity without going anywhere.

Yoochun seems to sense his hesitation and yells back at him. “Be imaginative, Changminah! It’s a dream, isn’t it?” He winks before speeding toward the water.

Changmin doesn’t stop but he’s still going slow, unsure of what to do. Suddenly, he gets an idea and speeds up before shutting his eyes tight imagining his bike transforming with water skis and motors. The sound of rushing water and the continuing wind whipping his hair gives him enough confidence to re-open his eyes and see he’s really done it.

“H-hyung! I did it. Did you see? I did it, even in mid-motion!” Changmin exclaims to the figure a few feet ahead, who’s currently in some sort of airship with feet at the moment.

“Yup. Told you. Wouldn’t make sense if the figures in my dream couldn’t, after all,” Yoochun’s eyes twinkle.

Changmin is beaming when the words sink in. ”Figures in my dream”? He finally catches up to Yoochun and suddenly they’re back in the music room, no motorcycles, no canyon. Yoochun looks surprised, but Changmin is too concerned about something else.

“What did you mean by ‘figures in my dream,’” Changmin confronts. The last thing he needs is for his own mind to be confused, to create different entities within when it’s all really the same person. He’s heard of horror stories where dreamers develop multiple personalities and get stuck in their dream world, unable to accept the outside reality that the characters in their dreams are illusions.

Yoochun bites his bottom lip, not immediately answering. He fidgets slightly, not looking up Changmin. A sigh, and then he speaks.

“This is my dream. You’re… someone I made up. Even if you do make me happy, make me smile, it’s because you’re part of me.” Yoochun’s voice is sad and weary.

Changmin can’t believe this. Either he’s officially gone crazy, or. Or…

The world dissolves into black before he can figure things out and he wakes up in a cold sweat.

The dream instructors are unable to harvest his dream this time.

Shape of Darkside
He’s afraid to dream. He doesn’t dare speak of his fears to anyone, despite their constant questioning. The last thing he wants is for them to suspect his mental stability, to put him into some sort of closer watch or into the mental asylum. Changmin tries to not sleep as much, but it’s hard and he finds himself going to the music building before he can stop himself.

But there’s no piano music, at least, not today. He flips through other places, the fields with tons of sunflowers, the canyon, the racetrack, the deep woods where they all went to before. Changmin feels frustrated and kicks at the ground angrily. If he can control dreams, even create someone like Yoochun in his dream, why can’t he call him up, create him in all the familiar places?

He sits on the ground, brows furrowing. There’s one thought that keeps coming up in his mind. But the possibility is so slim and he can’t quite believe that it’s the truth. And wouldn’t Yoochun have been in the facility too?

Changmin sighs. He knows he should be focusing on something new, dream something different.

A piano song interrupts his thoughts and he jumps up. He’s near the music building again without knowing. He skips up the stairs and slams open the door, panting, trying to catch his breath.

“You’re part of them, aren’t you.” The voice is hard, crisp.

He looks up at that familiar face, not understanding. Yoochun stops playing the piano and pulls down the cover with a hard slam.

“The hoverbikes. The canyon. The deep woods. All of a sudden I hear they’re on the shelves, the hottest new dreams out for sale. I’m here to warn you. Get out. This is my world. My personal world. I don’t need you to profit on them. Anyway. I came here to tell you this.” He starts to get up, brushes past Changmin.

“Wait,” Changmin starts to say. But the scene is starting to fade and he grabs at Yoochun. “Wait, so you are a dreamer, like me? You’re not someone I dreamed up?” The possibility that there’s another person out there like him and then to meet them in a dream together is making his head spin.

The scene steadies for a second. “No. I’m perfectly real, Shim Changmin. If that is your real name. Though Supervisor Lee is probably planning all of this. Goodbye.” Yoochun pulls out of his grip and the scene dissipates before Changmin has a chance to do anything.

He wakes up again without a dream. Supervisor Lee isn’t happy.

Within the Books
He’s lost. He hasn’t found inspiration as of late and his dreams seem to be the same, nothing interesting. He’s given them some small trite dreams for now, but it’s nothing compared to before.

But Changmin is on a quest, now. He’s trying to find anything he can on one Park Yoochun, which seems to be impossible considering how many Park Yoochuns seem to exist. None of them seem to match the description of that boy he saw, the one playing piano, with the amazing dream abilities.

It’s late one night when he finds out about Yoochun. He had wandered downstairs to get a snack when he overhears voices talking.

“I still don’t know why Supervisor Lee had to be like that. Park was the best one there was.”
“Shim isn’t that bad, you know that.”
“But Park Yoochun, now he came up with some amazing things. It’s just unfortunate how things had to unfold.”
“All too true. A car accident and then his dreams are shut out from harvesting completely. Oh, we should get going, start analyzing the past dreams.”
“Right, right.”

Changmin waits for them to say something more, but the voices get quieter and he can hear footsteps walking way.

He wants to know more, to talk to them, to understand why things happened, where this Park Yoochun is, but he knows they won’t tell him.

He decides to search for Yoochun in dreams. But he doesn’t want to be here anymore, in this facility, having all his dreams harvested and for everyone. He wants to be with Yoochun, the only other person who knows what it’s like to be a dreamer. He wants to keep finding new places, try unbelievable things with Yoochun and keep it to himself.

When they aren’t looking, he discretely changes the sensors just by a hair so that they read a different part of his brain. Determined, he goes to sleep with new vigor.

More Important than Words

He finds himself by a large tree in a grassy meadow. It doesn’t look like quite his style, but it’s not a place he’s visited before with Yoochun either. There’s nothing and nobody else that he can see. But the tree feels steady and true, and Changmin feels oddly comforted. He starts to walk around when he sees a familiar figure lying against the tree.

“Guess you’re getting better at finding me,” Yoochun glances up at him. He doesn’t look as angry and Changmin takes it as a positive sign. He carefully approaches him and sits down.

“I’m not tracked right now,” Changmin assures. “And. I’m not part of them. Hyung, I don’t know what happened in the past, but I. Can’t I just stay here, explore this world with you? I promise I won’t be used by them, maybe I can block my mind, maybe,” Changmin blurts, not quite sure anymore what to say or do but knowing he wants to be near Yoochun.

Yoochun gazes at him in thought. He suddenly quirks a smile on the corner of his lips. “You know, there’s a block you can use. And, they’ll release you back in the regular world. But you’ll be behind, start on your second option occupation. You’re still okay with that?”

“Yes,” Changmin nods vigorously. “Please. Tell me.” He gulps and waits anxiously.

“It’s actually pretty easy. Start to dream in all black, as if everything is dark. They have this theory that all black means a dreamer’s talent is broken. Apparently they had some bad cases pushing people in the past, which lead to institutionalizations.” Yoochun shrugs before glancing back at Changmin. “You know where I’ll be waiting.”

Changmin nods. He’s almost too excited and wants to start right away. But Yoochun tells him to pace it, to make it look natural.

It doesn’t take long before he returns back to his home, starts anew in the second option, which was being a scientist.

Evergreen
But for some reason, he can’t dream once he goes home. Changmin tries everything and anything he can, reading, watching movies, listening to music, but every night he comes up fruitless. He’s utterly frustrated and as each day passes, he can’t help but wonder if Yoochun is waiting or if he’s moved on.

He’s finally studied hard enough to take the examination test for the prestigious Academic Institute. It’s a cold but sunny day and he walks toward the gates to register. Changmin knows he should be fine, that it shouldn’t be an issue at all for him. But he’s still nervous. If he doesn’t make it, he only has one more year left to get in.

There’s construction going on the campus and he notices a large ditch being dug up for a new building. They’ve dug up the sunflowers, which are currently laying on the side as they wait to be replanted. He passes by a grove of trees along with one large tree right in the center. The registration signs for the test point him toward a red brick building and he walks up the stairs.

He’s about to walk in ten minutes early into the testing room when he hears a piano melody on the second floor.

Book bag falling to the floor, he races upstairs and opens the door.

It’s a girl. With long, dyed red hair. Changmin is about to apologize, walk out, when a voice stops him.

“Changmin?”

He notices then that there’s another figure standing by the window.

“Hyung.”

I’ve found you.

Sophomore Year Chapter 14

azurehook — Sat, 01 Jan 2011 12:40:49 GMT

Title: Sophomore Year 14/?
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Romance/AU
Pairing: Jaemin
A/N: The first chaptered DBSK fanfic I ever started (like 2006? O.O). Please note overall silliness, random dialogue, the occasional OOCness with some dashes of angst and smex.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6
| Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13

Jae?" Changmin glanced over from the computer desk.

"Hmm?" Jaejoong was a bit distracted, looking through a magazine on Changmin's bed.

"Shouldn't you, you know, finish moving in and stuff? I mean, we still have a lot of the summer left."

"What, I can't just bum here with you?" Changmin just looked at him (but his eyes are smiling, uneven) and Jae laughed.

"Anyway, Yunho keeps making cow eyes at this girl...I think her name's Stephanie? And he keeps asking me for help. I mean, it's cute and all, but he should just go for it. She seems nice enough, from what I can tell. At least Henry's been more quiet. But I don't really know the guy too well..." Jae was rambling.

"Who's Henry?" Changmin interrupted.

"He's this new exchange kid from... China? No wait, he's from Canada or something but he's Chinese. I think Yunho met him through class or something." Jaejoong looked pensive as he bit his lip.

"Huh. Anyway though, I still think you should at least take your things out of storage...?"

"But it's quiet at my house. You have a more lively house. Why bother settling in over there when I can just be here with you?" Jaejoong grinned wide.

"If by lively, you mean having very sexual active girls around who tease you and mother you and want to know everything about your boyfriend, then yes, it's true," and Changmin rolled his eyes. "I'm surprised you haven't met them yet; usually they're around."

"Do they know who I am already?" Jaejoong cocked his head, eyes widening.

"Well, I've told them I have a boyfriend... but besides that, not really much else. Actually, they don't even know you're here, so that's probably why we're not having an interrogation right now," Changmin thought out loud.

"Oooh lovely. It'd be like meeting the parents huh?"
"Umm, maybe more like when I met your sisters?"

Changmin shook his head at that memory. He didn't think he would get out alive after being talked at by eight different older women. Jae had just laughed and laughed while Min tried desperately to keep cool and not scowl.

"I'm sorry about that, really I am," but Jae was already covering his mouth, the chuckles escaping his fingers.

"Yeah, right," Changmin snorted. He massaged the bridge of his nose slightly, finally finishing the last problem. Standing up to stretch, he padded towards the bed where Jae was on his back, reading Neverwhere.

"And I'm done! Finally can relax," Changmin announced as he plopped on his stomach. He let his arms and legs stretch out fully across the bed, something he usually couldn't do on the dorm beds. Luckily, Emily had a rather large bed, of which he was eternally grateful for.

He glanced over at Jae, who was reading intently. There was a slight cross breeze from the open window and Min watched the wisps of Jae's hair flutter slightly. One impertinent strand glanced across his lips, making Jae instinctively scrunch up his nose slightly. Min turned to his side. He found himself reaching up to tuck the long hair behind Jae's ear.

"You looked like a rabbit you know, wriggling your nose like that."
"A very sexy rabbit, I'm sure." And just for effect, Jaejoong wriggled his nose again.
"Mmm." Changmin was feeling sleepy and found his eyes closing. He snuggled closer to Jae, immediately comforted by the warmth and spice of his scent. A sudden ringing interrupted his nap and Changmin groaned before getting up.

Glancing at the caller id, he swallowed to see it was Kibum.

"H-hello?" Changmin answered. Jae looked up from his magazine, a slightly quizzical expression on his face.

"Hi, uh, it's me, Kibum. Actually, Heechul's having pizza tonight and if you weren't busy, did you want to come?"

"Uh..."

"I know you might feel a little awkward, but Heechul's been a little crazy these days what with his project due soon and Shiwon being out of town. I'm trying to convince Donghae to come too."

"Actually, uh..." Min glanced at Jaejoong, wondering how he would think of the whole situation. "My boyfriend just came back so..."

"O-oh. Right. Of course. You'd probably want to spend couple time, hahah, yeah, sorry, um," Kibum's voice was sounding strained over the phone.

"Umm..." He didn't really want to make things more awkward, but offering to go with Jae didn't seem like a good idea to Min either. Who is it? mouthed Jae.

"It's Kibum asking if we want to come to this dinner thing Heechul's doing," Changmin whispered as he covered the hand piece. Jae raised his eyebrow.

"That Kibum, as in the one who confessed--"
"Yes, yes, that one. Uh. Yeah, I can just say we can't go, um," Changmin bit his lip.

"Changmin?" Kibum's voice filtered through his fingers.
"Uh, hold on a sec there," Min replied. He looked up at Jae again.

Jae shrugged his shoulders.
"It might be better for him, help him move on maybe? Anyway, I've been wanting to meet this Heechul character for some time."

"Do you think that's a really good idea? I don't really want to make this an ugly, awkward situation," Changmin worried.

"Well, he's important enough to you to want to keep as a friend. Let's just all meet up and see what happens, okay? He's going to have to meet me sometime or another." Jae smiled at him and gave him a thumbs up.

Changmin wasn't feeling so sure, but he nodded anyway.

"Yeah, Kibum? Can the both of us come? Is that alright? You sure? Okay." Min hung up the phone.

Rocketeer.

azurehook — Thu, 30 Dec 2010 01:14:07 GMT

“We’ll go there. Someday. You and I.”

You’d get that wistful look and close your eyes, and I’d feel like you’d suddenly been transported to a different world, one full of color while mine was black and white. And then your eyes would open slowly, long lashes fluttering and a smile would slowly spread on your lips before you’d nod with decisiveness.

How did you do it, how did you escape this hell, these metal bars and hard dirt floors, the mundane drudgery of every day, still hold onto that bright hope in this impenetrable darkness?

“You can’t deal with realities here, Changmin. You’ll go crazy if you do,” you’d say, fingers instinctively picking at your lips with the lack of smokes and needing something to do. “Take my hand. Close your eyes and…” And you’d paint your world, as best as you could. Azure skies, long green grass rustling, white dandelion seeds scattering to the wind.

But you’re a dreamer. With that bit of imagination and insight and those neural signals that have long been dead in mind and replaced with alloys and man-made polymers. Functionality might still be there but capturing that inventiveness? Is far beyond the reach of man’s knowledge at this point.

Yet I feel an odd sort of sadness. At least, that’s what I think it is. I’m forgetting my emotions the longer I stay, the more they try and change my insides for “repair.”

The time flows without any breaks and we ride it, make our own continuum with its own forces and gravity. We make the seconds, minutes, hours yield and bend like light. For in that one moment we're gods. Fearless, relentless, and utterly true to each other.

You'd always talk about free falling, flying in dreams, running towards the edge and then letting go, only to coast on the wind, hair whipping and rippling, feeling utterly weightless. I'd envy that look you'd get, immersed completely in that sensation.

And here I am, my hand in yours, up up here we go until I'm laughing, crying, the smile breaking my face into an almost painful wideness. The rules I made for myself, the foundations of all my beliefs are tumbling, the walls are crumbling in the sight of your honest force of love.

Where we stop nobody knows.

[FIC] Reset

azurehook — Tue, 28 Sep 2010 14:41:45 GMT

Title: Reset
Rating: PG
Pairing(s): (broken) Kangin/Leeteuk
Length: 1,800
Summary: The spreading of amnesia is like a disease and people are quarantined, contained like cattle. Jungsu only hopes to find a glimmer of his past to regain his lost memories and his full identity.
Warnings: ANGST, character death, some swearing, minor inclusion of graphic imagery of the violent sort.
Notes: Written for kpop_ficmix community, a remix of Aki (ficcy)'s
Remake of a Broken World Author recommends reading this fic first.

Jungsu sits at the bench. His fingers are bloody, fingernails broken from etching in two characters over and over, on the walls, on the ground, anywhere he can find a flat surface. One of his jailors finally noticed and now he’s got a broken piece of lead and some paper. But the urge has passed and the items lay on the table, unused.

強仁.

He doesn’t know why those two characters repeat themselves, like a mantra, but he can’t seem to get them out of his head.

“Chinese?” Another inmate has come close to him and whispers in broken Korean. He points to the last two characters Jungsu has written on the table and repeats himself, pointing at Jungsu this time.

Chinese. Jungsu slowly processes the word and realizes that he’s been writing in Chinese characters when he’s pretty sure he’s Korean. He
shakes his head. “Korean,” he corrects, pointing to himself. “Jungsu. You?”

The man pauses before answering, as if to think. “Hangeng. I Chinese. Not Korean. But shh, secret, okay?” Jungsu nods. He knows the guards immediately segregate out the foreigners, and he’s heard rumors of a much worse camp with minimal food and water. At least here, they have some walking space and doctors and books.

He hasn’t seen anyone familiar, but then again, would he really recognize them? He keeps hoping that someone from his past will jar his senses and jolt his memories back.

But all the faces he gazes at are unfriendly, unwelcoming.

A siren goes off once and the metal grates creak open. There’s a new group entering. Jungsu, along with the rest of the inmates, goes to the chain link wall division to peer at the group. It’s a bunch of younger girls and some of the guys catcall. They look scared, huddling close together for protection. But they’re soon ushered into another building, another facility.

It’s been a year since it started, seeming to only affect those under 30 years old. At first they thought it was just a few cases of amnesiacs, temporary and benign. But the number of cases exponentially grew and fears ran rampant that it was linked to some viral or biological contagion. Quarantines were issued. Anyone with memory loss was immediately apprehended and shipped to makeshift facilities.

Summer was hitting and there were multiple cases of dehydration and heat stroke. But Jungsu couldn’t stand the dank basements, even if outside was hotter. He needed air. Something letting him know that all hope wasn’t lost.

A sudden brush at his hands made him jump and he almost skittered away. Hangeng looked up at him, apologetic and concerned. “What… happen?” he asked, hesitating.

Jungsu shook his head. He couldn’t have explained even if he wanted to. “Writing. Too much,” he simply replied. He exhaled, a soft sound escaping from his lips that sounded suspiciously like Kangin.

Hangeng gave him a sad smile.

~*~*~*~*~

He’s gotten close to Hangeng, especially after an incident with a rather overzealous man who decides Jungsu is his next target. He’s just stepped out of the shower when he’s slammed into a wall, the breath knocked out of him. The towel falls and Jungsu wonders if he’s about to enter hell. A sickening crack and Jungsu stares at Hangeng, who has his leg raised, deadly and waiting. He glares around at the crowd that’s gathered and the other inmates look away.

“Mine,” he growls and pulls Jungsu close to him. “No touch.”

Jungsu swallows, not quite sure what’s going on. But it seems to work and he feels safe with Hangeng’s arms around his shoulders. He timidly reaches down for his towel and they walk, Hangeng pulling Jungsu’s hand tightly.

“Thank you-“ Jungsu is about to say, but Hangeng interrupts him.

“You very pretty. Danger. You fight? Or make look ugly.”

Jungsu brows furrow. He doesn’t understand the very last sentence until Hangeng picks up some dirt and starts to smear it on his cheeks, over his hair. He protests at first, but realizes what Hangeng is trying to do. Nodding, he smears more, even on his teeth to make it look like he's missing some. His clothes are already tattered and torn.

But it doesn’t matter anyway. Not anymore. He’s been claimed and no one bothers him.

~*~*~*~*~

There are times at night, when he dreams, that he can almost taste his memories come back to him. He hears familiar voices, familiar words, and he hears a husky chuckle, feels the warmth of someone cocooning him. There’s a smell of spice and musk, something so utterly sinful that it makes Jungsu’s body tingle. He looks up in hope for a face, but the image is blurred and vanishes like smoke.

Jungsu always wakes up in a cold sweat after those dreams. Hangeng will tug at him sleepily and he lays back down, knowing that this isn’t, shouldn’t be his life, but he doesn’t know (remember) any better.

Where is truth when memory is but a fickle mistress?

Jungsu just knows that Hangeng is warm and comforting. And in this hellhole, there’s little much else there is.

~*~*~*~*~

They’re stealing a kiss when a stranger comes up to them and yanks them apart. Jungsu jumps when the man slaps Hangeng hard on the cheek.

“Who is this, what are you doing, did you already forget about me, are you fucking KIDDING me you, you, you piece of SHIT, didn’t you say you wouldn’t forget me, would fight this fucking disease, I don’t even know what and here you are, cuddling next to god knows what and,” the other man glares at Hangeng with his arms crossed. “Well??? I know you’re quiet, but do you have anything to say to your husband?”

Jungsu stares with his mouth open. He immediately looks at Hangeng, who looks equally shell-shocked and bewildered.

“Hee…chul?” The words come out of Hangeng’s mouth dry and raspy.

“Finally, he remembers me, Christ. Hangeng, I can’t believe I had to do this to see you. You know?? I’m not even sick and here I am just to find you. Do you know what that is? That’s called love. You know, “ai”? Yeah. Like “wo ai ni.” Something. Shit. You fucking bastard,” and the man dubbed Heechul pulls Hangeng into a tight embrace and they kiss with so much love, so much familiarity and ease that Jungsu knows. Knows that these two are truly married, truly meant for each other.

A piece of his heart breaks.

But not because of his loss of Hangeng.

But because their kiss reminds him of something he once had but now, has lost.

~*~*~*~*~

He doesn’t know why he’s elected. But for some reason, they decide that he’s going to be part of the re-population/rehabilitation plan despite their uncertainties on whether the amnesia can be genetically transferred. Jungsu doesn’t really care; it’s a chance for him to go to a different, better facility with improved medical care.

They clean his body and check for everything, probing and swabbing him down. After a battery of tests, they give him a special drink to be at his top health.

He hasn’t gotten a bad spell like a year ago, when he was using everything and anything to write the two characters. But the urge to write has come back up again and he pulls out a piece of paper to write down the word.

Hangeng had mentioned (when they were together) that it had to do with being strong yet generous. Jungsu doesn’t really care at this point. He just wants to know why and where these two characters come from, why they seem to have such a strong impact on his inind.

They’ve put him in another facility now, where he has his own room. It’s not large but it’s clean and white – something Jungsu likes. He’s just about to lay down when a sudden barrage of images tumble in his mind and his body jerks, trembles. He sees a man, with a wonderful smile, singing to him, an image of a train hurtling towards them, a Chinese restaurant, a diamond ring in a velvet box, and the words Kangin echoing in his mind. But another word arises, Youngwoon. and Jungsu is confused.

The images keep coming and he sees the man (Youngwoon! his mind yells out and Jungsu realizes that must be Youngwoon) being taken away, though not without a fight. He tastes salt on his lips and he wipes away the tears that don’t seem to stop.

Finally, finally it ends and Jungsu huddles in his bed, feeling utterly vulnerable and unprotected.

He has to find Youngwoon.

But who is Kangin?

~*~*~*~*~

He tries to ask anyone, everyone if they know of a tallish man with a broad chest named Youngwoon. The jailors get annoyed at him and threaten him with the punishment of the isolation chamber. Jungsu shuts up then, not liking the small dark room with no windows, nothing at all but one’s self and one’s thoughts.

But he picks up on some whispers and his ears perk up.

“Kim Youngwoon, wasn’t he that young guy so determined to be number one so he could earn the special ticket to leave?” “Yeah, but I heard he went back to the old facility to try and find someone. Such a stubborn bastard. And packed a mean punch too.” “I think he got killed though. My brother’s a guard in that facility. Said there was some sort of fight and his only relative came by to pick up his body.” “Eh, he deserved it, the lunk.”

Jungsu stills. His legs falter and he slides to the floor in a shapeless heap.

He doesn’t want to think it’s true, but the story is all too plausible and he knows how hot-headed Youngwoon can get.

They have to feed him with an IV for the next few days.

~*~*~*~*~

It’s funny, how it all starts to fall apart and slowly crumble. It’s no apocalypse, no doomsday destructive eruption like he had sometimes imagined.

It spreads, as easily as seeds carried by the wind, and Jungsu finds it harder to keep hope, to be positive.

One day, the jailors are gone. Or at least, they aren’t at their usual posts. Freedom? The inmates peek out nervously. The gates are open and there’s a group of people waiting outside.

Jungsu doesn’t understand. There’s nothing out here, no difference to him if he stays here or goes there. It’s gone, whatever past he had that made him feel alive.

He’s gone back to writing the two characters, but now with a stick on the ground.

“Kang…in? Hey, that’s me,” a man exclaims and Jungsu turns to look up.

Youngwoon.

But he laughs sheepishly and scratches the back of his head.

“No. Kangin. But. Twins with Youngwoon.”

Jungsu smiles.

The leaves are turning yellow and he realizes it's Fall.

[FIC] Spy vs Spy

azurehook — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 20:30:02 GMT

Title: Spy vs Spy
Pairing: HoMin
Rating: NC-17
Genre: PWP, Smut
Summary: An unexpected rendezvous at the not-so-usual job leads to surprises, gunfire, sex, and an utterly destroyed house.
A/N: Written for the dbsk_secretgame exchange and gifted to perriwynkkle. Inspired by the movie, Mr. and Mrs. Smith, special thanks to lokitic. Hope you enjoy ^_^

Yunho is perfectly civil. He's polite, he's good with kids, he's mature, and he always knows the right thing to say. Though his job sends him on somewhat sudden and interspersed business trips, Changmin doesn't mind.

After all, his job can be just as unpredictable and finding someone who can live with such a fickle schedule while being loving, handsome, and doting is a rare find indeed.

They live in a quaint house in the rather liberal, highly educated, and relatively affluent suburbs. Changmin can't cook and Yunho isn't much better, so they often get takeout. Households chores are split up even though Changmin tends to be the one cleaning more often than not. Yunho tries to justify his lack of enthusiasm towards vacuuming by trying to hint at his higher income, but Changmin doesn't take any of it. They are living together, two as one, and everything should be done in tandem.

To be fair, these small squabbles are the extent of their arguments. The day-to-day routine is rather monotonous and Changmin sometimes wonders if marriage means love fades away to a dull comfort where one is too lazy to get out of in the end.

Each day is a quick bite, a quick exchange of kisses, work, and then perhaps a handjob or frottage, something quick before collapsing into bed. They haven't really had proper sex in some time and Changmin frowns. But Yunho is so. Well, he's just so nice and Changmin isn't really sure about what he enjoys or if he really has any kinks.

Which is strange, considering how long they've been together now. Almost five years and already, the relationship is starting to feel mundane and somewhat tedious.

The only thing that has made it bearable has been his current job. He works as an assassin, especially skilled in reconnaissance. Changmin has always prided himself on careful planning and perfect execution despite his age. He already is the top assassin at his firm, managing to terminate even the most elusive gang leaders and mafia bosses.

His next target is Tom Dobson, known for human trafficking in the city. Dobson's overly lavish lifestyle caught the attention of Changmin's firm, who had been trying to track down the main boss for months.

Dressed in his sleek black suit, Changmin is planning to infiltrate the party, hopefully isolate Dobson in his smoking library for drinks and quickly execute his target. He had let Yunho know of a business office function he had to attend to that night. Yunho responded he'd be held up at the office because of a financial audit. Changmin shakes his head. Yunho works too hard and he knows how he can be easily manipulated to do more work than he should be doing.

In either case, Changmin easily passes the iron-wrought gates with his embossed, gold leaf invitation. There's quite a crowd, with plenty of scantily clad women prancing about in nothing more than lingerie and high heels. Changmin grimaces. He usually doesn't like doing these jobs -- there's a chance that civilians can get involved and he hates having to clean up any messes.

He tries to catch Dobson as best he can, corner him, but the man flits from person to person, a preening peacock eager to engage any party. After two hours of failing and losing sight of him, Changmin scowls. Maybe he should just stay until after hours and then catch the man
unawares.

He doesn't usually drink, but Changmin takes a shot of vodka to calm his irritated nerves. He busies himself studying the layout of the house more, though he's memorized it pretty well before the mission. People are finally starting to filter out and it's easier to keep track of Dobson. Finally, finally there's an opening and he starts towards him.

Except he's greeted by someone else (Changmin can't really see -- a marble pillar is blocking his way) and they slip away, towards what Changmin knows as the library.

Fuck. Changmin discretely scans his peripheral vision before tagging them, making sure to duck behind walls and furniture. He's just about to pass through the door when suddenly gunfire erupts and he ducks down. Shit, he didn't think security would be up here too. He quickly pulls his gun out about to shoot and the hidden door opens, so he waits, aimed and ready, primed to pump lead right into--

"Yunho?! What the--"
"Shit, Changmin, back, back, he's got men in there, I need more cover," Yunho's shoving him behind a couch.
"Wait, you're not. Fuck, don't tell me..." Changmin can't believe it. Were all those business trips and functions all just lies?
"No, this gun is for just for show and I enjoy pointless parties--YES. We're discussing this later." Yunho reloads as he takes a quick glance over the sofa.

Changmin usually prides himself in reacting quickly to unexpected situations, but it still takes him a bit to orient himself and prioritize.

"...you didn't kill Dobson," he concludes.
Yunho sighs. "No. His men got in the way and he escaped while leaving his goons. There's twenty of them. You think you can take some?" But Yunho's voice has changed slightly, and Changmin can't help answering without a smirk.
"Just try to keep up, old man."

The bodyguards have no chance whatsoever, and the fancy upholstered chaises, million dollar erotic marble statues, and expensive embossed wallpaper share a similar fate. An accidental shot through an especially large pillow leads to an explosion of white down feathers, perfect contrast to blossoming red flowers of blood.

Changmin always tends to get an adrenaline rush after his missions, a post-aroused high, where his body is thrumming and his senses are heightened. He's sitting on a rather now beat-up chair with his tie loosened, jacket tossed somewhere as he wipes his brow.

"Water?"

Yunho stands over him, glass in hand and shirt unbuttoned. Changmin licks his chapped lips, noting the heavier breathing, the dilated eyes, the bobbing Adam's apple. A quick glance downwards confirms his suspicions.

Seems like he's not the only one who gets affected after a mission.

"Sure." Changmin is feeling somewhat stuffy, though he decides to pour the water over his head, slicking his hair and dripping down to his shirt. "It's getting warm here anyway." He stands up, entirely too close to Yunho. "Don't you think?"

He's not sure who starts what first, but he knows his shirt is torn off, buttons flying as Yunho presses him too hard against the wall. The pain is a bit of shock but it spurs him on, making him growl and kiss Yunho hard. He rips through Yunho shirt, giving in to his desire of licking a nipple before sucking it roughly. Yunho moans, fingers clenching tight in Changmin's hair.

"Kiss me," Yunho demands, pulling Changmin up for a messy, wet kiss. Changmin has never been so hard in his life so quick and he needs this so badly.

They're undressed enough and he pulls away slightly to strip completely, before turning around and placing his hands on the wall. His back, his ass is completely exposed for Yunho.

"Fuck me, Yunho. I don't fucking care how you do it, just fuck me, right now."

There's a pause before some shuffling of clothes and Yunho's hot breath tickles his neck. Changmin groans when he feels that hot, hard cock pressing against him, so rigid and firm, insistent against his ass.

"You want that? I bet you do, your body's just begging for it." Changmin shudders as Yunho kiss his neck, to suck hard on his shoulder, his back, until suddenly, a waft of cold air hits him.

He's just about to ask what the hell when he feels it.

Wet. Probing.

Deep.

In his most intimate opening.

Changmin can't think. Yunho's never, ever done anything like this, and Changmin's usually the one to give oral. But to feel that tip sear into his body, push past the puckered rosette -- Changmin is trembling. He can barely hold himself up, let alone be strong.

"Yunho, Yunho I, you can't. You can't do that, I'm. I can't," Changmin gasps out, almost sobbing to try and control himself.

But Yunho doesn't stop; in fact, he starts thrusting in and out and Changmin loses it. He keens, voice feeling so rough and throat so dry that he can only mouth a silent ecstatic moan, fingers pressing so tightly against the wall that his skin is turning white. He feels weak, can't help it, and he starts to slide, wanting to get to the floor, finds himself on his hands and knees, trying so desperately to recover.

"Beautiful," Yunho purrs, and Changmin manages to lift his head up to see Yunho, eyes smoldering and wanting so hard. "But I need you to stay with me. You're in too good of a position to pass up."

Changmin would dryly comment on the horrible usage of puns, but at the current moment, he doesn't have much thinking capacity except to realize that Yunho's hands are gripping his hips and his cock is pressing insistently against Changmin.

Changmin wants it. He's already relaxed a bit and he focuses, wanting Yunho inside, so badly.

Yet despite Yunho's tight grip and rough words, he still goes incredibly slow. It's almost painful and Changmin feels like his air supply is rapidly depleting.

Of course, Yunho manages to make him feel even more vulnerable and he breathes a soft, "I miss you," making Changmin's eyes smart, and not just from the pain. Changmin feels himself building up again and Yunho's immediately there, his warm palm holding and stroking Changmin.

It's a gentler release, a slower, longer, lingering satiation where the aftershocks leaves him in a dazed state. Yunho collapses on top of him, the weight a welcoming anchor for Changmin to cling to.

"...we still need to catch him, you know," Changmin ends up saying, instead of, 'I love you,' or 'That was great,' or even 'It's been too damn long.' He mentally facepalms, hoping Yunho won't take it the wrong way.

There's a strange sort of sound and Changmin adjusts himself so he's on his side, facing Yunho.
"You're... laughing?" Changmin can't help feeling a little affronted.

"I guess it makes sense. I mean, we have probably the best sex I can remember in years after offing some guys and all you can worry about is our target," Yunho explains after he's done laughing. "I guess we have some fucked up wiring."

Changmin snorts and wryly grins. "Either way. And..."

"Yeah?" Yunho looks at him warmly and Changmin knows he's thinking of something sappy coming out. He's happy he can disrupt that expectation. "Can you move? The circulation to my leg has been cut off for the past ten minutes."

"Brat," Yunho grumbles, but grudgingly moves to the side.

"We need a plan of action you know. We have to re-mobilize as quickly as we can, get our weaponry, determine if more intelligence is necessary and yesiloveyou," Changmin rapidly lists. "Now, I think we--"

"I love you too," Yunho interrupts, giving him the widest, shit-eating grin ever.

Changmin can't help the bit of red on his cheeks. He looks away to notice the time.

Midnight. February 14.

It's the best Valentine's Day they've had in a while.

[FIC] Divining Belonging

azurehook — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 22:24:45 GMT

Title: Divining Belonging
Pairing(s): Changmin POV, OT5
Rating: PG
Summary: If you travel around the world in search of home, is it really the place you're looking for or those lost kindred spirits you hope to connect with?
Author's Notes: Entry at chang_min's makeawish!contest 2010 (overall winner ZOMG theafjlsdka;fdasjk thank you so much!! ;;;). Though research was conducted to ensure some modicum of accuracies, please note that this is a work of fiction and therefore, I have taken some small liberties. Thank you very much for reading and I hope you enjoy!

Shanghai, China
June of 2000
Age: 12

The van is cramped and the smell of cigarettes lingers on the cushions. Changmin's mother has a disgruntled face on while she fiddles with the vents of the AC, but Changmin has his nose pressed against the glass, staring out at the foreign landscape.

It feels like the countryside instead of one of the largest cities in China. Dirt fields spread out on both sides of the road with the occasional house dotting the horizon. But soon, there are more buildings, small apartments with bamboo scaffolding, and half-finished construction sites, until skyscrapers and byways populate the view.

It's his first time traveling overseas, a special vacation with his father having a business meeting in Shanghai. Their flight wasn't too long though Jiyeon kept fidgeting and wanting to take off her seat belt. She's sleeping now, blessedly quiet and Changmin is relieved that he can observe the landscape in silence.

He stares at the buildings that pass by them, a mix of modern and traditional, as taxis and bicycles weave in and out of traffic. The taxi driver tells them that they've finally arrived and Changmin steps out in the humid summer air. The hotel lobby is blissfully air conditioned and cool, with a grand curved staircase flanking the sides of the front desk.

He carefully unpacks, putting his clothes in the assigned drawer his mother chooses. His father tells him that they're going on a walking tour and to make sure he takes care of his younger sister. To be honest, he'd much rather eat, but he nods dutifully and tells Jiyeon to get ready.

They walk and Changmin can't help staring at everything. He sees some English and hanja everywhere, making him wish he had paid closer to attention in his classes or taken the initiative to learn more. But he tries to make out the best he can with what he remembers. The tour is somewhat fast moving so Changmin has to push Jiyeon a bit to make sure they don't lose their guide.

"Oh look!" His sister suddenly yanks her hand free to squat down and pick up a forgotten flower hairpin off the sidewalk.

"Jiyeon, don't pick that up. It could be dirty. Come on, we're going to lose them," Changmin reprimands, holding out his hand. "Throw it away."

"But I want to keep it! Can't I keep it? Look how pretty it is," Jiyeon begs as she pouts.

"You don't know whose it is and it might belong to someone else. You should leave it there so they can find it again. Haven't you lost things before and then you're sad to find it's not there anymore?" Changmin's getting impatient and he keeps bobbing his head up to make sure he can still see their tour group a few meters away.

Jiyeon worries her lip. "I guess so... Fine. But oppa, you have to buy me a flower hairpin, okay?"

Changmin's getting a bit more annoyed so he hurriedly answers, "Yes, yes, okay, but only if you're good and listen to your oppa. Now, hold my hand, we need to catch up to the --"

But Changmin stops. He doesn't see the group anywhere and he frantically scans the crowd, trying to see if they've simply gone ahead. Panicking inside, he tries to stay calm, knowing he has to be the leader for his sister.

"Catch up to?" Jiyeon cocks her head.

"Uh, to the group. So let's just go straight ahead, okay?" Changmin finds himself nervously smiling while Jiyeon simply nods.

He makes them walk a rather fast pace, ducking and weaving, trying to peer over adults to try and find the group. But he really can't find them (he wonders how he could have lost such a big group) and swallows. Did they go into a store? Or a restaurant? He checks his watch and it's almost noon according to Korea time. So it's not quite lunch time here (he remembers his dad explaining that China has a different time) but he's still hungry. He tries to restrain that thought, but his stomach grumbles anyway. Should he try and retrace their steps, go back to the hotel? He looks around, trying to see if there's some sort of police station, but they're next to some big garden which looks like a big maze.

He glances behind them, trying to recall if they passed any police stations. But all he remembers are lots of storefronts and restaurants.

"Oppa? I'm tired. Where is umma and appa?" Jiyeon tugs at his shirt, looks up at him in slight distress.

Changmin sees some old people doing tai chi and some benches. It can't be that unsafe if the old people are there, right?

"They're just a little bit more ahead of us, Jiyeon. Here, we can take a rest on this bench, okay? Oppa's here." Changmin sits on the bench, wondering what to do. The best would be to either find a police station or find the hotel. Hotel... Changmin closes his eyes, thinking back on getting off the taxi. Okay, there were big silver letters in English, and the building has some weird things coming out from the top... he snaps his eyes open. He remembers the name. He grabs his notebook and pen out of his bag and hurriedly writes it down before he forgets.

"Oppa, I'm hungry. When are we going to eat?" Jiyeon tugs at him again.

Changmin sighs. He doesn't have any money, and his mom wouldn't let him pack all the snacks he wanted just in case. But he looks through his bag and manages to scrounge up some candies and gum.

"We'll eat as soon as we find them okay? Here, you can have this for now. I know you like strawberry, right?" Changmin knows that if Jiyeon starts to miss their mom too much, she'll start to cry and Changmin doesn't know if he wouldn't be able to not cry either.

"Strawberry! Thanks oppa!" She sucks on the lollipop contentedly, swinging her legs on the bench.

Well, at least that will hold her for now. Changmin picks the gum instead, wanting to save the candies for his sister. At least he can keep on chewing the gum for a long time. He hopes it will stave off his hunger pangs for the moment.

A round bouncy ball suddenly pops out from the hedges, bright red, as it rolls towards their bench. Jiyeon is distracted by something else and is looking away, but Changmin notices and he stops the ball with his foot.

"Junsuyah, you're too strong! What are you doing?" A boy, looking a bit older than Changmin, pushes through the bushes as he sees the ball and Changmin.

"Oh! Thanks! Um. Uh. What was it... xie xie! um, xie xie?" the boy stumbles to say and scratching the back of his neck awkwardly.

Korean. It's Korean. Changmin could almost cry with relief.

"I'm Korean! You're Korean too??" He can't help shouting a little bit and Jiyeon looks at her brother and this oppa in curiosity.

"Y-yeah!" the boy laughs. "Sorry, my dongsaeng Junsu, he gets carried away with soccer. Our parents just moved here and we play a lot in this park. They like that museum. I'm Junho, Kim Junho." Junho points to himself. "Who are you?"

"Shim Changmin. This is my sister, Jiyeon." Jiyeon hides a little behind Changmin's long legs and peeks at Junho, who smiles at her.

"Hyung, I'm just too good--. Who're they?" Another boy, shorter, with large eyes steps out and stares at Changmin and Jiyeon openly.

"Junsu, you're lucky you didn't hit them. They're Korean! This is Shim Changmin and his sister, Jiyeonssi."

"Really?! Wait, that means we can have more people to play soccer with! Right, hyung?" Junsu beams bright and Changmin wonders if this "Junsu" character lives on soccer.

"Yah dongsaeng, aren't you hungry? We should get some food. Oh, did you guys want to eat something? We usually get these amazing dumplings from this stand called Jia Jia Tang Bo. Funny name huh? Anyway, they're so good!"

Changmin is very hungry at this point and warm dumplings sound incredibly tempting. But he needs to be polite and he really should try and go back to their hotel.

"That sounds really good, but uh. We don't have money and--"

"Hyung will buy for all of us! Right, hyung?" Junsu grins at Junho and Changmin's reminded of Jiyeon when she wants something very badly.

"Well, I am the oldest yeah? How old are you?"

"I'm 12. Jiyeon's 6."

"Okay. Junsu's actually the same age as you, but I'm older than him. Hyung will take care of you all," Junho offers graciously.

"Yay! Changminah, do you like soccer? You love it, right? You should come play with us every day? Did you move here--" Junsu latches on to Changmin's arm, which Changmin flinches at slightly. He's never been the most touchy-feely person and he doesn't have close friends.

"Junsu, now now. Let's walk so we can get there faster. Jiyeonnie? You want to hold my hand or your oppa's?" Jiyeon looks at them both, silently asking Changmin if it's okay. Changmin nods; he's usually pretty good about guessing people's character and these two seem friendly enough.

---

The dumplings are amazing and Changmin wants more, he could eat 20 kg of them, but he restrains himself. Also, the line is still insane and he highly doubts that anyone would appreciate him taking fifty of them. He can't help staring at Junsu, who eats just as fast, if not faster than Changmin (a first in his life). Junho just laughs along and Jiyeon seems to really like him. She tends to be shy around new people, but she sits comfortably next to Junho, eating everything quietly. Changmin is glad. Junho seems like the reliable hyung he always wanted in his life, though there's something distant about him. He's friendly enough, but Changmin doesn't quite feel like he could get close to him.

Junsu is another story entirely. He's loud, raucous, energetic, and has a tendency to make horrible jokes and laugh at them himself. Changmin doesn't know how Junho deals with it -- at this point, he's desperate to get back to the hotel.

Yet Changmin can read him like an open book. Everything seems so clear and he falls into a habit of teasing him so easily that Changmin almost wonders if they've met before. He's enjoying it a little bit too much though when he fails to realize that Junsu is becoming more and more quiet and Junho furrows his brow.

"Oppa..." Jiyeon pulls at his sleeve. Changmin immediately feels guilty. He's gotten food from them and yet this is how he treats them.

"Sorry. I. I go too far. My mother always tells me." Changmin looks down.

"Hey, it's okay! No worries," Junho says. "Right Junsu?"

Junsu nods slowly, before an idea seems to pop in his head. "Where do you live? We're staying in a hotel right now, but umma and appa are working on our house. It's going to be big!"

Changmin suddenly remembers that they shouldn't be sitting here talking; their parents are probably worried sick and they need to get back to the hotel, right away.

"Uh, actually, we need to go back to our hotel. Do you... just a second," Changmin starts to rummage through his bag until he victoriously pulls out the sheet. "Do you know where this is?"

Junho and Junsu both peer carefully at the paper when their eyes widen.

"That's where we're staying."

---

Changmin expects a harsh reprimanding and scolding, but his mother is in tears and hugs them both tightly while his father looks utterly relieved and thankful. Changmin keeps his mouth shut about Jiyeon. Even though she starts to say something, he interrupts her and tells them that they simply lost view of them when they looked away for a second.

In either case, his parents decide that they should stay at the hotel and not do anything more for the rest of the day. Changmin can't help the bit of annoyance -- yes, he's glad they're back too, but they're safe now and there's still plenty of hours left in the day. He looks out longingly at the skyscape from their hotel window when there's a knock at their door.

"Um, hi, um--"

"Boys! Thank you so much again for helping our Changminnie and Jiyeonnie. I can't tell you how thankful I am. Come in, come in, I know it's a bit small."

Changmin turns his head around to see Junho and Junsu standing, fidgeting a bit awkwardly. He brightens and wonders why they've come.

"I, I mean, Junsu and I. We wanted to know if Changminsshi and Jiyeonsshi wanted to play in our room? We won't go out, we'll be in room 1563 and you can always call us?" Junho asks politely.

"Please?" Junsu has the perfect puppy dog eyes that Changmin almost gags.

"Well, I don't know, it's been a crazy day..." His mother looks a bit frazzled and doesn't seem to want to let them out of her sight.

"Yeobo, maybe they can just stay here and play? We do have two rooms and we can leave the connecting door slightly open?" His father seems a bit more understanding and apologetic about the whole situation.

"That's a good idea. Boys, is that okay with you? You can bring your toys or games in that room if you like. I'll order some room service. Now Changmin and Jiyeon, make sure to play nice," she tells them before gently pushing them towards the other room.

---

By the end of the week, Changmin finds himself being best friends with Junsu. They've found a joint love (or rather, an intense rivalry) for Mario Kart and Bleach on the DS. Changmin's just a little bit better at Mario Kart while Junsu is a tad better at Bleach. But it's often so close that they go at it for hours while Junho plays with Jiyeon, reading books and playing with her toys.

Changmin eventually got to explore more of Shanghai, though his mother insists on holding his hand, which is rather embarrassing at the age of 12. But he accepts it if he can see the Huangpu river, the parks, the walkways, the Oriental Pearl TV Tower, D-Mall and the restaurants. He writes everything in his notebook and he always talks to Junsu every night, sometimes in his room, sometimes in Junsu's.

They realize on the very last day that Junsu actually used to live in Seoul, in the neighborhood right next to Changmin's. It's strange that for the first time, Changmin finally starts to understand why people don't like farewells or goodbyes. Or at least, he finds it to be more painful than usual.

Junsu and Junho and his parents are waving them goodbye as they board the shuttle taxi. Junsu starts to yell at him but the door closes, so he rolls the window down, yelling back at him. For once, his mother doesn't scold him as he promises to e-mail Junsu, to stay in touch, and to get together again in Seoul.

Changmin keeps waving until the speed of the van is too fast and he fears his arm will get cut off by the slightly reckless driver. He can't see Junsu too clearly anyway; he can barely manage to make out a one-inch speck.

He doesn't notice that his eyes are a bit wet.

Paris, France.
July of 2004
Age: 16

Even from the start, when he realizes who is going, Changmin feels that something bad is going to happen. But he hadn't wanted to go study abroad for a whole year and going during the summer seemed like the perfect amount of time.

He sighs. He's still sitting in the airplane as they currently taxi to their gate. The flight was long, cramped, and Changmin can't wait to stretch out his legs. The only good thing was that he had been assigned a window seat so he hadn't needed to move for bathroom users.

There's only two people he'd consider talking to in their entire group. The rest tends to be the popular type or jocks, mostly interested in going to France to party and drink.

Him? He wants to explore something different, see the artistic city, and taste a bit of Europe.

He cranes his head to look out of the small window. But the plexiglass is scratched up and he can't see much except for the tarmac.

Finally, they land and head towards the baggage claim carousels. Changmin gets distracted along the way staring at the intricate Charles de Gaulle airport architecture before one of his teachers clears her throat and motions for him to come quickly.

He groans when they're shuttled onto a train to travel south. The only positive is that he's able to actually sleep in these seats. He jolts awake when a teacher comes by and taps his shoulder.

They step out in the twilight where he's soon introduced to his host mother (Juliette), his host father (Henri), and his host brother (Benoit). He's not sure how it will all go, but classes start tomorrow and he hopes everything goes well despite what he felt initially.

---

He hates being here.

Well, no, he loves his host family, he likes the classes, the food is great, and the landscape is amazing.

He hates being a foreigner with a whole group of clearly foreign-looking people here. Most of his classmates don't even try speaking French when they go out on excursions, speaking Korean, pointing at things, laughing, taking silly photos, and being rude. He doesn't like it. The locals soon learn to distrust the large group of Korean high schoolers and Changmin is frustrated. Didn't they pay and apply to go here, on this trip? To learn French? To understand the culture?

He finally gets so fed up with it that he stops going with them after school and on the weekends to go on his own adventures. His grammar is getting much better, but he still has trouble pronouncing certain words and he works hard to listen to the people speak, let the sounds wash over him again and again.

It feels great and absolutely liberating to be on his own. He loves being able to decide that today, he will go to that museum and he can take the Métro and just GO. He snaps photos everywhere, organizing them each night and carefully typing up details with date, time, and location.

On Tuesday, his teachers tell them during lunch break that they will be going to Paris for a few days. He brightens up immediately, wondering if they'll be able to see the Eiffel Tower, the Arc de Triomphe, the Louvre, Montmartre, and of course, the Seine. Later that day, they're given an itinerary with everything Changmin wanted to visit, including a few others.

When he checks his e-mail that night, his mother tells him that his father is going to Paris in a few days. She mentions that Jiyeon misses him and hopes that his studies are going well.

'Your father wants to know if your schedule lets you have dinner out. I think he has some grand design to take you to a fancy restaurant in the city.'

Changmin almost shouts out loud in glee before remembering where he is. A trip and dinner to the grand city. It's going to be perfect.

---

He can't believe how many photographs he's taken and he has to open up another account online to upload the new batch. The hustle and bustle of people, the smells from the cafes, the alleyways of cobblestone streets fill his senses and he wonders how to capture all of it with simply a camera and a notebook. He hears someone singing 'Aux Champs-Élysées, aux Champs-Élysées' and the phrase sticks in his head, repeating itself during the day.

Changmin calls his father to let him know Sunday is open and his father decides on La Tour d'Argent. Changmin's eyes widen when he investigates the restaurant online, and he suggests that maybe lunch would be better? He knows his father doesn't mind the occasional extravagance, but even for food, Changmin doesn't feel quite right.

When they arrive at the 'Silver Tower,' Changmin feels like he's stepped into some extravagant, decadent fantasy. They're seated with an incredible view of the city, where Changmin can see Notre Dame, the Île de la Cité, and even the Eiffel Tower.

There's a slight awkward moment when asked if they are Japanese or need Japanese translation. Changmin says they're Korean, which causes some sort of shuffle. He's not sure what to make of it but he doesn't think back to it until their server comes, along with a guy who doesn't look much older than Changmin. His eyes are very large and there's a coldness about him. He looks Asian but his hair is bleached completely blonde, almost white, while his pupils are blue.

'He will serve as my interpreter,' their server says in French. 'We want to provide the utmost service and we pride ourselves in making our guests as comfortable as possible.'

Changmin tries to explain that he can speak French, that he even studied the menu beforehand, but the server insists and the guy coolly translates each item. Despite his dyed hair and the tattoo Changmin can see peeking from his sleeve, he has to admit that this interpreter is pretty good.

His name is Kim Jaejoong. Changmin can see he's a little awkward and some sharp glances are thrown his way when he bumps into other servers. Changmin watches, noticing that he seems to have a nervous habit of pulling at his hair or glancing at the mirror. But when their eyes meet, Changmin looks away, not quite sure what to make of this seemingly enigmatic character.

Why is he here? Why is he working at this job? How did he get the job, considering he seems more fitting at some club or bar? It makes him so curious that for once, his food becomes second in his mind.

He excuses himself to go to the restroom, noting that even here, no expense is spared. He's splashing water on his face when he hears the door open and a voice calling to him in Korean.

Of course, it's Jaejoong. Changmin looks at him, water dripping, wondering what he wants.

"You uh, around for a few days? I don't get to talk to many Koreans. I actually work downstairs. But they just pulled me up today because they wanted to show you guys that we had interpreters, even for Koreans. Funny, isn't it?" Jaejoong pauses as he quickly pushes back an errant bang out of his eye. "Anyway, yeah. I get off at like 2am, but you free Monday? I miss speaking Korean, you know? We could meet up here tomorrow, I can take you to some cool places you don't always see on the tours and things?"

Changmin turns it over in his head. It would be nice to get something different, and something about Jaejoong makes him curious, intrigued. Despite just meeting, Changmin can't help but be easily pulled in by the familiarity in a foreign country and is more adventurous than usual.

"Sure. But what about the restaurant?" Changmin asks.

"Oh, it's only open Wednesday to Sunday. Do you want to meet here like around noon? Yeah?" Jaejoong looks very excited and he finally quirks a smile, somewhat shyly. Changmin blinks at the change in demeanor.

"Yeah, okay. Um. I'll see you then," Changmin manages to respond.

"Great. You should go back soon, they're waiting for you to sit back down so they can introduce desert. Which means, I'll be there soon too," Jaejoong sighs a little. "I really don't get it. I mean, I don't mind going up, but you know, I wanted to be here to learn about food and cooking and instead I'm washing dishes. Anyway, your French is great."

Changmin surprises himself by laughing and Jaejoong joins him, though he covers his mouth, an almost dainty mannerism that doesn't seem to fit his character.

---

After an hour of walking with Jaejoong, Changmin feels like he's just met Junsu's long lost cousin. They both have a tendency to ramble and talk when they think of something and they make odd statements or weird jokes. But Jaejoong is flashier, more spontaneous, and tends to hit when Changmin gets too sarcastic. Changmin doesn't hold back and they find themselves slapping each other on the arm while exploring the sewers, wandering the Père Lachaise to find famous gravestones, and staring at all the animals on display at Deyrolle, a taxidermist shop.

Changmin learns that Jaejoong was actually adopted along with four sisters. His Korean has a bit of a dialect, something he falls into easily when he gets excited about something. They gripe about looking Korean in France and the best foods they've eaten. Jaejoong talks about his hope to eventually become a chef, that becoming a busby was just the first step into the door.

They're wandering about a park when Changmin begins to notice that there are quite a few couples walking and sitting on benches. He feels a bit self-conscious, but tries to brush it off, thinking it's only his imagination. He sneaks a glance at Jaejoong, who's become oddly quiet.

Their eyes meet. Changmin quickly looks away.

"So... when are you leaving Paris?" Jaejoong asks as they keep walking down the gravel path.

"In three days. But I have to be with my school group at 5 today and then we go back south. I'll be back in Korea at the end of the month," Changmin replies, a bit wistfully. Though he'll be glad to go home and see his family again, he's liked having this space by himself, a bit of independence, a bit of air.

Jaejoong looks at his watch and then grabs Changmin's wrist, pulling him suddenly.

"What are you doing?" Changmin exclaims, wincing at Jaejoong's strength.

"That doesn't leave us much time for us to go my favorite secret cafe. Come on!" He leads authoritatively, walking entirely too fast for a summer's day in a French park.

Changmin would protest after being forcibly dragged for twenty blocks, ducking into alleyways and finally climbing a twisty, curving metal staircase that leads them to a small, cute cafe with large windows that open out to the city.

"The look on your face tells me that it was worth it. Right? Right?" Jaejoong looks very smug and cocky.

Changmin closes his mouth. "It's nice. As far as French cafes go. Really, this the best you can do?" Changmin's fighting hard not to laugh but Jaejoong takes sarcasm even more childishly than Junsu and the faces he makes are too great to miss.

"Well, I'll just have to make it memorable then," Jaejoong declares with a huff and before Changmin can understand what he means, a soft press of lips against his startles him to stilled shock. "Well?"

Changmin knows he's bright red.

"Y-y-yah!"

Jaejoong is laughing, so hard, and he seems to forget to use his hand, letting his mouth open wide for all the world to see as sunlight reflects off his hair.

Changmin can't quite get himself to hate Jaejoong. Completely.

Maybe Paris is the city of love, as cliché as it sounds.

Boston, USA
August of 2006
Age: 18

The humid, wet heat clings to his body, his clothes until Changmin feels like he's bathing in sweat. Freshmen are all around him, hauling furniture and suitcases. He's not doing much better, trying to figure out where his dorm is in the maze of red buildings on the quad.

"Hey, you need help?" A guy comes up to him and Changmin struggles not to oggle openly at the shirtless man. "Where are you trying to go?"

Changmin looks back at the sheet of paper.

"Winthrop?"

The man nods. "Got it! Here, I'll show you. I'm Yunho Jung. Welcome! You can call me U-know too, if it makes it easier to remember my name. You know? Hahah. Anyway."

Changmin cocks his head, not quite sure if he should laugh or groan. But he brightens.

"You are Korean, yes? I am too! Changmin. Ah, Changmin Shim," Changmin says, feeling a bit awkward not saying his last name first.

"Really?" Yunho switches over to Korean. "Great! I'll definitely show you around. Though, we should speak English. No point in coming here if you just speak your own language, at least, that's what I say."

Changmin nods. He's beginning to like this Yunho character.

And he admits, his looks too.

---

Yunho takes him around campus, pointing out the best places to eat and the places to avoid studying. They end up grabbing falafel at a local cafe and wandering about the square, where Yunho treats him to Ben & Jerry's ice cream. There's lots of funky stores like Black Ink and the international bookstore. But Changmin's immediate favorite is Burdick's. The smell of rich chocolate is redolent in the air and the lemon chocolate cake tastes phenomenal.

"Central Square, Davis Square, and Porter Square are all great places to wander too. You can just walk all along Mass Ave or take the bus. You could bike, but Boston drivers, I don't know. I wouldn't trust them, hahah."

Changmin gets introduced to some of Yunho's buddies, mostly involved in sailing. Yunho tells him he should join.

"I hate to tell it to you, but you should find some club you want to join. You can't really make friends otherwise," Yunho advises.

"What about classes?" Changmin wonders.

"Dongsaeng, classmates are competition here. It's cutthroat and everyone's trying to reach the top. Better to find friends in other areas," Yunho continues.

Well, Changmin can relate to that. His high school classes were definitely competitive.

---

Changmin's roommates aren't the most sociable of people. They tend to be reserved and one of them does sports, so he's rarely in the room. The other one is an engineer, often holed up in the lab.

But Yunho's been great and he's met a lot of interesting people through him. He wasn't sure what it would be like, if he would have to study all the time, but so far, he's enjoying it, despite the cliques that are starting to form. It's nothing new really -- so long as he enjoys himself and does well, he doesn't really care. If anything, he competes with himself, and not other people.

Yunho tells him that he'll need it if he wants to be successful here. Yunho also lets him know that the first ones to crack? Are the ones that can't play hard and work hard.

Changmin wonders if he can just work hard and play... a little. He doesn't quite trust himself to not take it too far.

---

The trees are changing color and October soon rolls around. Yunho asks him if he wants to go out on the Charles and also lets him know that the Regatta, a major competition, is coming up soon.

"The river? Sailing?"

"Yeah, I feel like going out and it's nice to have another person there. Plus, you can help me," Yunho smiles.

"Ah, I see how it is. You just want my labor hyung." Changmin raises an eyebrow.

"No, that's not true, I want your company. And I thought you'd like a tour from the river," Yunho protests, though he is turning a bit red.

"Oh, my mistake. You want to go out on a date?" Changmin is feeling especially playful today; he had done quite well on a quiz and proved three students wrong in class, so he's on a roll.

"..."

"I'll take that as a yes."

---

The Boston skyline spreads across them, where the tall glass John Hancock Building and Prudential Tower peer at top. He can see the golden-domed State House and the outside concert hall of the Hatch Shell, along with the lights from Fenway Park.

They pass by MIT, the eponymous domed building coming up into their view. He can see the runners and cyclists along the Esplanade and captures some with his camera. Yunho asks him if he always carries his camera and Changmin answers yes.

"I've brought my camera with me everywhere. China, Paris, anywhere I go. And now, here," Changmin explains, carefully covering the lens with the cover. "I like being able to look back on memories. Have them marked in another way and not just in here." Changmin points to his brain.

Yunho leans back before posing in a horribly clichéd pose complete with two v-signs and a cheesy grin.

"Take one," he commands.

"I don't take photos of my friends," Changmin quietly comments. "I want them just for me, inside."

Yunho stops and puts down his hands.

"Okay. Just us then," Yunho declares. "Our secret."

Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
Spring of 2009
Age: 21

He'd be lying if he expected himself to partake in such a... well, time-honored classic. But Junsu's stories about Brazil made him so envious that he was determined to go. He just hadn't expected the opportunity to be during spring break.

The whole trip first came about ostensibly as an internship, but upon arriving, the directors tell him that it's been re-scheduled for later. They do set him up in a very nice location with easy access to the South Zone and the famous Copacabana beach. He does some filing in the morning and organizing, but otherwise, his afternoons and nights are completely free to roam and tour with the other interns. The sand is a lot hotter than he expects and he hurriedly puts his flip flops back on. He takes a photo of the swirling black and white sidewalk, sinuous and winding along.

They climb hundreds of steps up to see the famous Cristo Redentor statue with his arms outstretched. Changmin takes more photos, the view an amazing sight where he can capture the mountain Pão de Açúcar and just make out a cable car that carries passengers up and down. One of the interns jokes, telling him that if he takes too many pictures, he won't be living it. Changmin laughs, brushing it off. He'll enjoy plenty once he's settled down a bit.

---

Though most don't know, Changmin does drink, albeit not too often and mostly because Yunho liked having a drinking buddy.

In either case, he's currently on his fifth caiprinha and feeling a bit tipsy. The other interns are dancing, but he prefers to sit at the booth, watch the crowd, see the bodies flash in and out as the strobe lights rotate. Yunho had told him that one of his high school friends worked here, but Changmin hasn't seen anyone besides his group that could remotely pass for Korean.

The waitress hasn't come by in a while and his throat feels dry. Standing up a bit too quickly, he braces himself against the wall before slowly pushing himself through towards the bar. It helps to be taller and he tries to find a bartender that isn't too busy.

He catches the eye of a guy who looks entirely too well dressed in a black button-down shirt rolled up to the elbows and a skinny white tie. It takes a minute for Changmin to also realizes that the guy looks rather Asian. Korean, in fact.

He often isn't so bold or direct, but he blames the alcohol and immediately blurts out, "Park Yoochun?"

The bartender can't quite hear him over the blare of the music, so he shout it again rather loudly, startling some of the other bar patrons nearby.

Yoochun's eyes widen and he nods slowly, all the while staring at Changmin, as if to try and recognize him.

"Yunho's friend! College," Changmin yells, hoping the message goes through. Yoochun snaps his fingers and nods more enthusiastically. He leans over to whisper to one of the other bartenders and motions Changmin to go to the side of the bar.

Pressing against more bodies and sweat, Changmin makes it to the end where Yoochun waves him over towards the back. They walk through a skinny, dark alleyway (Changmin wondering for a moment if something terrible is going to happen, like in all those CSI episodes he's been marathoning, but he tries to assure himself that this is Yunho's friend) until a door creaks open and the night air greets them. Yoochun leaves the door propped open with a brick and he motions for them to sit on the plastic lawn chairs that have been set up.

"Hey, sorry about that. I know it gets crazy in there. But shit, you know Yunho? Really? Does he still use that stupid nickname 'U-know?' I told him he should quit it, but man, sometimes... well, you know. He gets an idea in his head and goes off. Anyway, you know me, Park Yoochun. What's your name?" Yoochun offers him a piece of gum, but Changmin declines. "Trying to not get back into smoking. Nervous habit and all."

"I'm Shim Changmin. He told me you worked here, but I wasn't sure. And yeah, he does still use it sometimes, says it helps anyone who doesn't speak Korean remember his name better. I don't really know," Changmin laughs (giggles? He fears it came out as giggles). "I was suppose, supposed to do work here. But seems like I'm more the classic spring break college student right now."

"Well, enjoy as much of it as you can. I came down here for my girlfriend, well, ex-girlfriend. She models and things and I do music. But I bartend to keep up with the bills and she used to waitress." Yoochun starts to play with the piece of paper from his gum piece. "Didn't work out though. She met someone else and I've been here longer that I should be. But I like it down here. People are nice, things are relaxed, and it has nice weather."

Changmin nods in what he hopes is a sympathetic manner. He doesn't quite know what to say.

"Sorry," he mumbles, not wanting to seem completely inconsiderate.

Yoochun gives him a bitter smile. "Hey, not your fault. And Yunho's hooking me up with some business leads. I've already gotten some good reactions to some demos so hopefully, you know? Anyway. What have you done in Rio already? How's 'U-know' these days? Still chasing the girls?" Yoochun jokes.

Changmin doesn't quite not choke. "Uh. Well. He um."

Yoochun claps his hands and starts to laugh. "Wait, wait, don't tell me. He finally figured it out, right? See, I always thought to myself about it, and I was waiting for him to figure it out. He's a great guy, just not always the quickest in certain parts, if you know what I mean. I always sort of hoped... well. In either case. You his boyfriend?" Yoochun leers a bit and Changmin wants to shrink into his chair.

"Not really, no. Uh. He's confused," Changmin says, sighing a bit. One of the last days of graduation and too much partying had led to an awkward moment of discovering Yunho and another student (male) kissing rather enthusiastically. Yunho, of course, hadn't remembered when Changmin confronted him afterwards.

"Great." Yoochun shakes his head and frowns. "Well, he will get there, he knows what's right in the end."

"No," Changmin answers. "It's okay. I don't want to wait, anyway." Changmin makes his mind right then and there.

"Ah, you don't want to, is that so..." Yoochun gets up and holds out his hand. "Well, I've been eying you ever since you sat down at the booth inside. You wanna dance? I'll teach you if you don't. I'm very good."

On any other person, Changmin would proclaim that such sleazy lines of innuendo are too tacky. But Yoochun seems to drawl them out, his husky voice wrapping itself around Changmin, making him shiver.

"I'd be happy too."

---

Along with beach parties and excessive drinking, Changmin can now check off that he has indulged in sexual activities with a (semi) stranger during spring break. Or at least, that's what he concludes in panic after waking up. He's startled by a big fluffy dog licking insistently at his face in a strange bed in an unfamiliar house. He's completely undressed save for his underwear and all he can remember of last night is talking to... Yoo... Yoochun. Park Yoochun. Yunho's friend. The one with the voice. His cheeks feel hot and Changmin shakes his head to clear his thoughts.

He looks around and notices pills and a glass of water with a note. 'Take these, it'll make you feel better. And don't worry, you undressed yourself. Nothing happened. I'm sleeping on the couch.'

Changmin exhales. He grabs his t-shirt and pulls it on, before padding over to the living room.

Yoochun is tightly hugging a pillow, hair mussed and blankets askew. The scene is entirely too cute and Changmin immediately wants to hit himself for even thinking a grown man as cute. But he can't help it.

"Yoochunah, you have to drive me to the airport, you promised and--" the door suddenly opens on the other side and Changmin jaw drops.

"Jaejoong hyung?! What are you, wait, aren't you supposed to be in Paris? I don't. Ow. My brain hurts." Changmin massages his temples.

Jaejoong nervously laughs. "C-Changmin. Nice to see you. Um. Let me explain."

---

After hitting Yoochun awake and actually making him wake up with the smell of freshly brewed coffee, Jaejoong tells Changmin that he's been trying to learn new flavors and ingredients and he was on a trip through the Amazon. He had needed a place to stay so through some online ads and bulletin boards, he had found Yoochun, willing to host him for a month. Yoochun wanders off to take a shower as they catchup.

"He's a terrible cook, can only make coffee, and has the worst schedule. But he plays piano and sings like no one's business and he's even been able to sound out some of my favorite chansons," Jaejoong continues, his voice becoming very warm and gentle.

Changmin suspects. And well, with Jaejoong? He's never been afraid to be direct.

"You like him," he flatly says. Never mind the slight twinge in his heart.

"No no, he's more like my best friend though I do tell him everything and he is pretty hot, especially right after the shower, but no, it's not like that really. Maybe. I don't know," Jaejoong responds, waving his hands in denial but quite unsure himself.

"I am hot, especially after a shower," Yoochun interrupts with a cheeky expression. "But Changminah, you wound me. You really think I'd kiss you, dance with you like that if I had someone?" Yoochun takes every excuse to stand very close and have his toweled cock right in Changmin's line of sight. "Or you wanted a threesome? I'm always open for more love."

"Yoochunnie~! Stop that. He's not like that. This is Shim Changmin, proper and poised and educated. A bit of a nerd. And speaks French, like moi," Jaejoong interrupts as he motions grandly to himself.

Changmin isn't quite sure what to feel. He's confused, annoyed, aroused, and in pain.

"I think. I think I am going back to sleep. Good night," he chooses to say and he gets up, walks out, and flops back into bed.

---

If he had thought those years touring bits of Paris with Jaejoong was a constant barrage of senses, Brazil with Jaejoong AND Yoochun feels infinitely more chaotic. They have somewhat of their own little world, bits of random quirky and yet Changmin can't help but get sucked in, following them through the rabbit's hole into their veritable Wonderland. They pass by a band dressed all in white, trumpets blaring loudly while they explore the vendor shops, see the various pieces of folk art and intricate sand bottles with complicated landscapes. Changmin buys a few for his family and Yunho and Junsu.

But the best moments are at night, when they sit outside, talking, looking at the stars and hearing the lapping ocean waves. He tells them about Korea, about Seoul, talks to them about their homeland, recounts his college stories and what the US is like. Changmin finds himself talking about Yunho, meeting him that first day and about Junsu, his childhood friend who he still keeps in touch with, even though they've only met a few times in Seoul. He weaves each story with a weft detail here and a warp detail there, creating an intricate tapestry.

"Where will you go next?" Yoochun asks, caught up in Changmin's dreamscape and storytelling.

"I don't know. Maybe Prague. I've always wanted to go there," Changmin muses.

"You know, it's funny. You've met a Korean in a different country each time, you know? It must be fate, or something. Don't you think?" Jaejoong leans closer, expression a bit serious. "I mean, what are the chances that you meet a Korean and you become friends with them?"

Changmin nods. He's wondered it himself. Was some other force at work, making him connect this path in life? He's not sure.

"It's destiny, Changminah. We're fated to meet and fall in loooooove," Yoochun proclaims, in an overly dramatic voice, even singing the last word, "love."

"Hey! Don't forget me," Jaejoong pouts.
"An orgyyyyy?" Yoochun continues to sing and Changmin has to laugh at that.

Love. Maybe.

Can love be split?

Or shared?

Prague, Czech Republic
February of 2012
Age: almost 25

They all tell him, of course, that Prague is entirely too cold to go in the winter. He doesn't really care -- he's always tried to do what he wants and be independent. In either case, he needed a break from his job and why not treat this as an early birthday present?

He carefully plans not to travel on Valentine's Day, knowing the sight of couples reuniting would make him feel depressed and a bit bitter. Instead, he travels on the 15th and arrives at night to check-in at his hotel late.

He checks his e-mail out of habit, where Jaejoong has already sent him ten messages asking him if he's arrived, if he's safe, if he's bundled up. There's a very structured, formal letter from Yunho, while Junsu's is quick and to the point.

Yoochun hasn't sent him anything but a sudden knock on the door startles him and a slip of paper is slid under the door. It's a fax, complete with a big picture of cake and candles, and Changmin has to chuckle. Yoochun hasn't always been a fan of the electronic age.

They had all tried to set up tickets to meet him there, but one by one, each had told him that something unexpected had come up.

Changmin was disappointed, but that hadn’t stopped him. He was going to Prague. No matter what.

He's tired and he can't wait to explore tomorrow, the small streets and artisan workshops and bookstores. Changmin closes his eyes.

---

Changmin's already gone to the castle and explored parts of Old Town. He decides to go to Zizkov today, being told that there are a large number of interesting places to drink and eat. It's been two days since he arrived and he feels that out of all the places he's been to, Prague seems to fit him best. The age and the somewhat cloaked, mysterious ambiance appeals to him.

He finds a bar that's quiet, tucked away from the larger streets. It has large windows like the cafe Jaejoong took him, and there's a well-stocked bar that reminds him of Yoochun's club in Brazil. The outside has an interesting facade, red brick, making him think of Boston, while some ornate decorations on the walls are like the carvings he saw in Shanghai.

It's getting close to midnight and he brings out the small cake he had bought for himself earlier. He's not lonely, not really, when he knows they're out there, thinking of him.

A bell tolls in the background and he softly starts to sing happy birthday to himself. The bartender looks at him curiously but just shakes his head, continuing to wipe glasses dry.

Everything goes dark in front of him and he groans. But the lights suddenly flare up and Yoochun's there, behind the bar, calmly drying glasses right in front of Changmin's eyes.

"Changminah! Do you know how fast you walk? I can't believe you made me come here, it's so cold," Junsu whines and Changmin whips around to see Jaejoong and Yunho there too.

"Dongsaeng, we're sorry. But we wanted to surprise you. Jaejoong even made a cake! Look," Yunho says, as he points to a rather architecturally unstable looking confection of dark chocolate and strawberries.

"Happy Birthday, Changminnie. Here, someone, grab the lighter in my back pocket," Jaejoong commands and Junsu hesitatingly reaches out. "Come on, it's not like you're having sex with me."

Junsu turns bright red and scowls, grabbing the lighter a bit too aggressively.

"Don't--"

But the momentum makes Jaejoong lose his balance and the cake goes crashing right into Yunho's face.

"do that," Yunho finishes with a sigh. Jaejoong looks absolutely horrified while Junsu is trying to hide behind Changmin.

But Yoochun starts to chuckle, then laugh, the sound echoing loud in the room.

Changmin can't help but join and soon, all of them are laughing, almost until they're crying.

He's found it. Here. With the ones he loves.

[FIC] The Tall Ones

azurehook — Sat, 27 Feb 2010 21:29:13 GMT

Title: The Tall Ones
Pairing: YurixSooyoung
Genre: pwp, smut, AU
Rating: NC-17
Warning(s): Girl on girl. Don't like? Don't read. Simple as that.
A/N: This is all because of glorious_apple lol. Happy Birthday!! Please be easy on me, first time attempting SNSD fic with girlxgirl. Gah I hope I don't fail miserably lmao.

Sooyoung hasn't felt this gawky and awkward since middle school and it takes a lot for her to feel uncomfortable. She's a dancer, she's supposed to be flexible and pliant but she feels more like a human pretzel than attaining zen.

She can't help glaring a bit at the girl next to her, who breathes quietly and holds each position with poise and grace.

"Yurisshi, you're doing so well! Wouldn't expect anything less from my star pupil," the yoga teacher exclaims and Sooyoung purses her lips. "Everyone! Please pay attention to Yuri's form. Notice how her thighs are angled in the perfect position, how she supports her lower body and keeps her arms loose and relaxed."

Sooyoung grudgingly takes a look, though she finds herself lingering a bit more than she should on the curves, cotton stretched taut over firm muscle. Nice body, she admits, and she looks up to catch Yuri's glance. Yuri smiles bright, practically beaming, while Sooyoung gives a wan smile.

"Sooyoungsshi, you're not doing this right. Yurisshi, can you please help her?"

"Of course, seonsaengnim*."

Sooyoung straightens up into the position and Yuri examines her form critically.

"You're too tense here, and you're not spreading out far enough," Yuri points out. Delicate fingers press against Sooyoung's upper thighs and Sooyoung can't help but jump slightly, startled by the rather intimate contact.

She clears her throat.

Yuri doesn't seem to notice.

"No, that's not it. Here, I'll do it and then you can see." Yuri goes easily into the pose and then grabs Sooyoung's hands to press against her thighs and her stomach. "See how hard it is? I'm keeping everything tight and that helps a lot. Now you try!"

Sooyoung is feeling a little unsettled but she manages to keep her cool and tries to remember Yuri's pose.

"Great! That's much better, Sooyoungsshi," Yuri praises, full of smiles again. "I can help you anytime if you like." Yuri winks.

"Thanks." Sooyoung nods, but wonders if she's not imagining things. She shakes her head to clear her thoughts and focuses on their instructor for the rest of the class.

~*~*~*~

Sooyoung seriously thinks that Yuri is toying with her (she doesn't dare hope that it's actual flirting at this point). Each week, Yuri makes up some reason or excuse to be close to her, to touch her. Sooyoung doesn't fail to notice that Yuri keeps wearing tighter and more revealing clothing to each class either, though it always stays very classy.

After a rather intense session and Yuri joking about the benefits of naked yoga, which really gives Sooyoung the entirely wrong distraction during class, she decides she needs to confront Yuri directly.

Wrapping herself up in a towel and shaking off her wet hair, she pads over to the locker rooms where she sees Yuri blowdrying her hair. Quickly glancing around, Sooyoung notes that there isn't anyone else around.

The loud noise from the blowdryer suddenly stops as Yuri places it on the counter. This is her chance, Sooyoung thinks.

"Yurisshi, what exactly are you doing? I know you're trying to be helpful and everything, but seriously. Do you have a crush on me or something?" Sooyoung jokes, hoping it will resolve the rather conflicted state of mind her brain has been as of late. "I know I'm beautiful and all, but is this some sort of game for you? Pick the new girl and play around with her?"

Yuri glares at her slightly, but suddenly smirks, leans over into Sooyoung's personal space.

"Why? Did you want me to pay attention to you more?" Voice husky, Yuri tilts her head and chuckles darkly. "You know what I think? I think you have it backwards. I think you like me."

Yuri comes closer, letting her hands touch her own body, teasing. "I know you watch me, your eyes trail along my body, my curves. Ah, ah," Yuri stops Sooyoung from interrupting, "don't deny it. There are mirrors all around the studio, you know."

Sooyoung is red, livid, and absolutely furious. She clenches her teeth, passion and fury coursing through her body. Never mind the fact that Yuri is absolutely right.

"You're just a slut, aren't you?" Sooyoung angrily retorts. "This how you get it, put yourself out like this? Like some whore? Well, I have standards." Sooyoung is not one to mince words and she's going to be blunt if that's the way she can save her pride.

"Sure. You can keep denying it all you want, SooyoungSSHI. But I know the truth," Yuri scoffs. "By the way, shouldn't you be warm from your shower? Why are you so hard, here?" A sudden brush over her towel against hardened nipples makes Sooyoung suddenly gasp and clutch protectively at her chest. Yuri smirks.

"Well, you can keep believing what you like. But sure. I like you. When I first saw you, I thought you were very pretty. Beautiful tanned skin and legs that go on forever. But I grew to love your smile and your energy." Yuri pauses, looking earnest and sincere. "If being nice to you doesn't work and flirtations make you run away, then you're clearly not enough of a woman to experience something with me. Your loss." Yuri turns around.

Sooyoung is rarely one to be at a loss for words. She's not quite sure what to think (she's always appreciated both sexes, but hell, she's picky and only been in a few relationships and definitely not with a girl). If she's completely honest, then yeah, she thinks Yuri is pretty. No, hot, sexy, beautiful. And dangerous.

Okay, she's curious. But it's mostly that dig about being cowardly that's irking her. She's plenty woman enough. She knows she has her own share of admirers.

"Yurisshi." Sooyoung feels oddly timid despite her conviction.

"Yes?" Yuri sounds incredibly patient.

Sooyoung clears her throat and stands tall, using all of her height to her advantage as she looks straight into Yuri's eyes and crosses her arms. "If we're doing this, it's mostly because--"

"Just follow me, baby." Yuri's already approaching her, tilting her head, those lips coming so close and--

"My name is not baby--" but Sooyoung's protests are swallowed as Yuri kisses her, so, so soft and much more gently than Sooyoung had expected.

It's different. The smell of floral shampoo hits her as Sooyoung slowly starts to taste deeper, plush lips with a hint of cherry. Sooyoung's arms and hands are still clutched in front of her chest and Yuri takes them gently. Her fingers find Yuri's generous hips as Yuri pulls her in closer, arms wrapping around Sooyoung's neck.

Whether through chance or design, the towel slips between them and Sooyoung shivers as her naked body presses against cotton, cool fabric rubbing against her. Her grip tightens on Yuri. Sooyoung lets her tongue tease out, and Yuri easily opens her lips, her tongue reaching out to meet hers. It's hot, wet, and insistent, and Sooyoung moans into the deep kiss.

Yuri pull back slightly to take off her t-shirt, making Sooyoung whine a little at the loss. Yuri simply grins as she quickly shimmies out of her shorts and lacy underwear. She pulls them back together again, breasts pressing against each other and outlining Sooyoung's slim frame with her hands.

Cool fingers suddenly press against her, down there, and Sooyoung gasps at the touch. They teasingly circle before pressing a bit deeper to toy with her sensitive spot, making the nub hard and aroused.

"You're so wet, Sooyoung," Yuri observes as she lets her other hand go further. "And you feel this, right here? You're so open, baby, just waiting to swallow me." She starts to push in and out, with one, then two, until three fingers thrust in and Sooyoung is openly moaning and panting.

"You like that?" Yuri licks her lips. "Let me show you something better."

Sooyoung suddenly feels cold and snaps open her eyes. She doesn't see Yuri in front of her, but goes down to see her kneeling. And then, those full pouty lips part as a pink tongue peeks out to lick against her.

"Ah!" Sooyoung trembles. No one has tasted her down there, and Yuri's tongue is hot and persistent. Sooyoung wishes she were against a wall, had a handle, a table, anything to support her as her legs feel like they could give at any moment.

But then, Yuri starts to lick and suck hard at her clit while thrusting her fingers into Sooyoung and it's too much, she exclaims loud, moaning and gasping as she feels the orgasm crash over her, wave after wave.

She can't stand up and so she somewhat tumbles on top of the discarded towel, body still in shock with the echoing orgasm ebbing from her body. Sooyoung can only look dumbly at Yuri, wide-eyed as Yuri is tasting the salty liquid, her come, lapping at each one of her fingers like a cat.

Sooyoung manages to realize that Yuri hasn't come, that she should return the favor, and she tries to move, to make her fingers reach out, but she feels utterly spent. Her hand only manages to limply graze Yuri's thigh. But Yuri seems to understand and grins.

"Next time. But for now, you can watch and see what I like," Yuri answers to Sooyoung's silent question.

The sight of Yuri cupping a breast, tugging and pinching hard at her own nipple while stroking herself makes Sooyoung quickly aroused all over again. She wants, wants more, wants something, and surprises Yuri (and herself) by leaning over her and kissing her and rubbing against her.

"I have a better idea," Yuri tells Sooyoung, as she pulls them both up. "Let's do it this way." She angles herself so her legs are scissored around Sooyoung's, her wet pussy pressing right up against Sooyoung.

They push and pull, hearing the sounds of wet slaps and skin, erotic and lewd until the twin gasps and moans echo and they shudder in their release.

Sooyoung breathes hard as she recovers. She wasn't quite expecting using energy in this way, but well. Maybe it will help with her flexibility in yoga class.

She glances over, taking in fully the curve and rise of Yuri's hips as sweat beads along her skin, creating a sheen.

... or maybe she'll just go with it. For no reason at all, except that she likes Yuri.

*means "teacher" in Korean

[Personal] Happy Birthday

azurehook — Sat, 27 Feb 2010 05:10:59 GMT

Happy Birthday glorious_apple!!!!!! I'll have to come back and edit this post with more details when I'm not exhausted, but I wanted to finish this story for you.

LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!

[FIC] Drabbles

azurehook — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 23:30:41 GMT

I recently participated in some flashfic challenges at kpopficwangst, version 9.0 I decided to post these three here for archiving purposes and also for anyone who might be interested in reading them.

Hope you enjoy!

Title: Live to Make You Free
Pairing: Changmin/Yoochun
Rating: PG
Genre: Angst, Romance
Warning(s): Past death
Prompt: Gregory and the Hawk's "Boats and Birds"

A pile of notebooks and papers and post-its surround him. He’s ripping the pages out, tearing each one, shredding them, frustrated when there are too many sheets together to rip by hand.

The words of poetry, the declarations of love, the notes of secret songs disintegrate under his hands, a mess of confetti in his wake.

He stuffs the destruction in his bag as he heads to the cliffs by the ocean. Strong winds gust his hair around, the brilliant sun making him squint on the last day of fall.

He tosses the shreds up and he makes it shower, the first snowfall of the year.

The first snow of the winter, hyung. Do you remember?

Changmin closes his eyes and falls backwards.

Long grass rustles and holds him as he feels the snow fall again, feels the lips of Yoochun against his.

Title: Escape
Pairing: None, slight OT5
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst, Sci-Fi
Warning(s): Dystopia
Prompt:

When Changmin looks up, he can see the sun’s rays darting in and out through the branches as they drive by at 120 miles an hour. He lets his hand coast along the wind, lets his fingers make waving motions as if he’s surfing the breeze.

Yunho changes gears as he decreases speed on a particularly steep curve and pumps it back up when the road straightens out. Changmin glances at the strong, powerful hand gripping the clutch, veins popping slightly against tanned skin. A long scratch down his knuckles is the only reminder of the true nature of their drive.

Jaejoong’s faring much worse, his leg in a tourniquet as he tries to maneuver himself in the backseat. He semi-sits on Junsu while Yoochun holds his leg up on his knees. Changmin looks at the rearview mirror to see Junsu staring at him, somewhat sullenly through one eye while Yoochun is adjusting his head wrap. Changmin instinctively checks on his arm sling.

The road police won’t be far off. They know they’re at a disadvantage with an older model and lack of any weaponry on their vehicle. At the very least, they do have fuel and while the sun shines, they can use solar power.

There’s nothing there for them back there. It’s been destroyed and if they want to find some kind of freedom, they need to break free, head for the infamous sacred radio towers that are supposed to provide neutral territory.

They’re not supposed to find a destroyed city and crying children, clinging to the burning remains of their parents.

Title: Strokes and Color, Past and Future
Pairing: Yunho/Yoochun
Rating: PG
Genre: Angst, Romance
Prompt: Utada Hikaru's "This One (Crying Like a Child)"

Yunho presses his fingers in the colors, letting black strokes paint the white page. He keeps drawing five lines together. Over and over, five lines and circles and lines and rests and dots and slurs nobody recognizes what they mean until a man stands behind him.

“Do you know the melody?” he asks, and Yunho looks up to see a man with sideswept hair and black frame glasses, bundled up in a down jacket and plaid scarf. “It’s a song,” he answers when it’s apparent Yunho isn’t going to answer.

Yunho blinks at him blankly. He shakes his head. All he knows is that his fingertips carve the same pattern over and over until he has a whole collection in the colors of the rainbow.

The man starts to sing, softly. Yunho furrows his brow when his heart feels strange. It aches and clenches, a feeling of longing and regret and loss and he doesn’t understand. Tears start to pool in his eyes and the man stops to wipe them gently away with his thumb.

The man comes every day with a new story. Yunho doesn’t comprehend, just knows that every day he meets the man again, says hello, and gets to hear a story.

“My name is Park Yoochun,” the man introduces each day.

And we used to be lovers before the crash.

Please.

azurehook — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 15:20:32 GMT

I know that many of you are aware of the situation in Haiti and today, another earthquake has hit this already devastated country.

I have compiled together donation pages for your ease and have tried to pick organizations that are well-known and trustworthy. If you have any other recommendations, please let me know.

As with any disaster relief, I would also like to emphasize that constant, continual support is essential. Weeks, months down the road, Haiti will still need medical assistance and resources.

Partners in Health. One of the largest medical providers in Haiti started by Dr. Paul Farmer.

Doctors Without Borders. Mobilizing doctors and medical resources to countries needing aid.

Red Cross. You can donate specifically to Haiti.
EDIT: You can also text "HAITI" to "90999" and donate $10 through your cell phone. I believe this is US only.

EDIT: Clinton Bush Haiti Fund. Text QUAKE to 20222 to charge a $10 donation to the Clinton Bush Haiti Fund (the donation will be added to your cell phone bill).

unicef. World's leading advocate for children.

care.

Since dealing with transport of food, material goods, and medical supplies is already difficult, cash donations are the easiest and fastest way to send support to Haiti.

[meme] Fic Roundup of 2009.

azurehook — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 19:36:35 GMT

A meme. Something I have not done in some time.

Fics I wrote in 2009
White Rain and Green Whispers, YooMin, PG
Pull it back, MinSu, PG
Duly Noted, JaeMinSu, G
Missing a (Heart)beat, MinSu, PG
Of Sexually Transmitted..., OT5, R, genderswitch
Soothe, Jaechun, G
The Art of Smooching, HoMin, PG

unbeta'd
Night Fall, MinSu, G
Drive, MinSu, NC-17

drabbles
an assortment, Various, Various

(o1) Total Word Count: 19,261

(o2) Fandoms Written In: DBSK, Super Junior, HOT, CSJH, SNSD, SS501, Hwangbo, Ivy

(o3) Favorite Fic: Though short, I really liked Duly Noted. JaeMinSu has become my ot3 and even though it was just a moment, I felt that this piece came together relatively well.

(o4) Best Fic: hmm... I guess I would say the The Art of Smooching for its execution. I like my two other challenge fics, but this one felt the most complete and thought out. HoMin is also a fun pairing to explore with, considering how non-cannon it is.

(o5) Most Underappreciated Fic: As I was going through my list, I realized I hadn't actually archived my drabbles so it makes sense that it would be under appreciated, but I really enjoyed the last drabble, my YehTeuk.

(o6) Most Fun Fic: Definitely Of Sexually Transmitted.... It seems like I have a tradition for writing gender switch every year, without fail lol.

(o7) Sexiest Fic: I would say Drive, with oblivious!Su and determined!Min. Sex in a semi-public place doesn't hurt either.

(o8) Fic that shifted my own perception of the characters: Junsu has always been an enigmatic person to me and one who is hard to characterize, capture in writing. Though Missing a (Heart)beat is primarily through Changmin's point of view, I found myself really delving into Junsu. I always knew there was something more, but the unraveling process was interesting and I think I got a slightly better handle on who he might be.

(o9) Fic I'm Most Proud Of: Missing a (Heart)beat, definitely. MinSu is a new pairing for me to write and I'm glad that it seemed to all come together. I thought it would just keep on rambling without any conclusion in sight haha.

(10) Biggest Disappointment: Upon re-reading, most likely my SNSD Fany x DBSK Min drabble. It feels too high school poetry, too forced and stilted with no cohesive flow and no creativity. I would like to explore them more though; I think they'd make an interesting couple.

(11) Biggest Surprise: Soothe. I don't write a lot of JaeChun and tbh, they're probably the one couple I've never really written in a romantic sense. I guess, even here, it's not so straightforward; I tend to see them more as close friends or even sexual partners but it's hard for me to write them in the romantic, love love.

(12) Hardest Fic to Write: White Rain and Green Whispers. I hadn't written YooMin in a while and MinSu kept creeping in, but somehow it came together. There are some rough edges and some phrases that I feel are too verbose, but otherwise, it definitely went better than I had expected.

(13) A Fic I Want Remembered: Missing a (Heart)beat. This fic is really really special to me. It's my baby. lol.

(14) WIPs started in '09 but still not completed:
Untitled, doppleganger!Min, R
Dust and Mist, mystery MinSu
MinSu for Milena!
Survivor: Welcome to Nightmare World, JaeHo RE verse for Jojo
Taboo, Teukhae
RP MinSU with Milena, Newspaper reporter photographer world
MinSu Stripper Verse
HoMin Photographer/Jock story
YooSu, 15 loves, drabble-esque
Yoochun-centric, DJ Mickey, past broken dreams of being a musician
JaeMin, karaoke bar based fic
JaeChun, PWP club sex
JaeHo, club fic based on lyrics
YunChun, club owner and past dancer
Min7en, plane meeting into love
YunChun, Cross dressing, wild wild west, cowboy gambling saloon craziness
JaeMin, first love
OT5, Sex scene of "Of Sexually Transmitted..."
JaeMin, gender switch with Min
JaeMin, post-apocalyptic, jail cell environment
MinSu, post-apocalyptic, possible Su character death
MinSu, time and space, parallel worlds
Min7en, JaeHo, bff!Jaemin, club verse
YooMin, first dates and smokes on balconies and love
YooMin, police/modern military verse
broken!HoMin, JaeHo, first university love and thereafter

FINISH SOPHOMORE YEAR, Jaemin fic not updated since March 2008.

(15) Goals for Next Year:
hahaha. I think we all know that that is.
Finish what I need to finish.
FINISH my first epic JaeMin.
um. Yeah, I think I have enough on my plate. lolol.

well, and maybe try and be on time for the seouldout challenge.

Thank you all for your continued love and support! <3333

[FIC] White Rain and Green Whispers

azurehook — Sat, 02 Jan 2010 16:15:36 GMT

Title: White Rain and Green Whispers
Pairing: Changmin/Yoochun
Rating: PG
Summary: A sudden shower of a different sort brings in chance encounters and paper chases. Includes bff!MinSu.
Author's Notes: Written for the 2009 fic exchange at nuna_fanworks and gifted to konzatsu. Beta'd by milena_1980.

Lips press against the white porcelain mug. From the dark, intense flavor of coffee rises a muted sweetness, subtle and hidden. Changmin drinks deep to capture that mixture of smoky and rich in his cafe mocha. It's a rare indulgence for him as he hardly drinks coffee at all, not wanting to develop an unhealthy addiction to caffeine.

A fluttering movement catches his eye as a piece of paper drifts to land on his table. Soon, a whole sheaf seems to rain down on him and he finds himself reaching for the papers, catching them one by one. He looks up towards the second level patio of the coffee shop, but he doesn't see anyone.

He puts all the sheets together in a neat pile before realizing exactly what he is organizing. Five line divisions are peppered with notes in green ink, resembling young buds and tendrils eager to sprout and grow. It's a slow song, minor key, with somber chords. At least, that's as much as Changmin can discern with his limited musical exposure.

He glances up again to see if anyone is up there, but metal and concrete block his view. Changmin downs the remaining bits of his coffee, grabs his messenger bag, and skips up the stairs two steps at a time.

A grey woolen mass slumped over a table greets him. There's a mishmash of chairs, from leather couches to hardwood benches. He raises an eyebrow as he cautiously approaches the figure, noticing that there's no one else up here. As he edges closer, he notices more sheet music and notebooks piled on the table next to a well-used, coffee-stained mug. It's chilly up here and Changmin notices that the window is open.

Changmin debates whether he should say anything or simply leave the papers. He glances at the person (male), who seems to be smiling in his sleep, quiet breaths puffing out longish wavy hair.

Knowing all too well how precious sleep can be, Changmin carefully places the papers on the table, making sure to weigh down the corner with the porcelain mug. He watches the figure carefully for any changes, noting the full pouty lips and stylish earrings. He's about to slowly walk away when his cell phone suddenly trills and he jumps, cursing slightly. Fumbling to open his bag, he fishes out the wretched electronic and turns it off.

Changmin nervously glances at the man.

He's rubbing his eyes a bit, staring at Changmin with a rather confused expression. The man yawns and stretches before shrugging and laying his head back down on the table to rest.

Changmin blinks. That wasn't quite what he had expected. Feeling self-conscious, he mutters a quiet sorry before going down the stairs.

The man grins to himself.

//////////

“Changmin! You hung up on me didn't you? Is that how you treat your hyung, the one who's been to the same school as you since you were seven?”

Changmin laughs.

“Junsuyah, you're not that much older than me. Anyway, when have you ever really acted like my hyung? Bought lunch for me? Paid for my drinks? Let me win a game?”

“Yah, Changmin. Being a hyung isn't about money or food or winning. It's about taking care of your dongsaeng. Like giving you good advice.” Changmin knows Junsu is nodding sagely, even over the phone.

“Like how using puns is a surefire way to get the ladies?”

“It is! You just weren't saying the right ones. Or saying it the right way.”

“Sure, sure. Whatever you say, hyung.”

Changmin snorts at Junsu's sputtering.

“Anyway, why did you call me hyung? You were disrupting my studies.” Not exactly untrue, since he had been studying earlier in the coffee shop. Just not at that exact moment.

“Oh! Yeah. I'm going to be there for a gig. There's some new artist project going on and they have a music session there. You know how Yunho hyung's been organizing them. He really wants to set up his own independent label and company and everything.”

“So you called because you need a place to stay," Changmin concludes.

“No! Well. That too, maybe, but mostly because I wanted to see you. I haven't seen my dongsaeng in so long!” Junsu exclaims.

“Well, you have been busy with. Well, you know.”

“Yeah…seems like yesterday, huh? But I finally found a person who I think will do a good job taking over. He's just as good as the master chef and his sister is really organized. They work really well with Junho hyung and then I won't have to worry about him overworking.”

Changmin nods. He remembers how hard it had been for Junsu to give up his dream, to leave the music department to work. Singing is something Changmin knows Junsu is born to do. It's in his blood.

“Sounds great Junsuyah. I really hope it works out.”

"Me too! I'll be in town the third weekend of April." There's a clattering noise and Changmin wonders if Junsu is trying (and failing) to do two things at once.

"Hyung, that's when I start to have exams and things..."

"It's not like you're going anywhere anyway, is it? Your mom told me."

"She did?"

"Yeah, she dropped by the restaurant on her way to work. You know, for those snacks for your sisters."

"Oh, right. Well, I'll see you in April then, since I so happen to be in town much to your benefit and fortune."

"Don't be so excited to see me, Changminnie. Oooh! I rhymed. I'm a genius."

"I'm hanging up now, hyung."

Changmin knows that Junsu will be annoyed for a full minute before getting distracted by something else. He smiles to himself, whistling a bit as he starts to take out his books from his bag.

A slip of paper falls out before sliding under his desk.

Changmin doesn't notice.

//////////

Professors haven't held back and Changmin's schedule is hectic with finals, research papers, and group presentations. Luckily, his visual arts project is due next week instead of this week. Though to be perfectly honest, Changmin really wouldn't mind the change of pace with something more creative to work on.

He's back in the coffee shop again. The libraries and study halls are packed with students and it's hard to find even an outlet and a decent chair nowadays. Tucked away in a narrow alley, the shop is a quiet respite. He slips off his glasses to massage the bridge of his nose. His shoulders ache, his lower back aches, his whole body aches. But he's finally finished and he gets up to stretch before gathering his things.

Changmin steps outside, realizing belatedly how dark it is and looks at his watch.

Six forty-five. Hmm. Dining hall closes in fifteen minutes. I should be able to make it if I walk fast.

He starts to take quick steps.

"Wait! You, in the trench coat! I need to talk to you!"

A voice yells out to him and he whips around to bump into a figure. Paper sheets rain down on him again, just like that day, and Changmin curses his luck, desperately wanting to eat but not wanting to be rude.

"Whoops, sorry about that. I," and the figure is bent over, picking the sheets of paper quickly, "wasn't sure if I'd see you again and I needed to make sure if it was you or not but," and the person straightens up, "it is you, and that's great."

Changmin is met with a warm, soft smile and he immediately recognizes the man from last time. He can't quite stop staring at the lips so he averts his gaze to focus instead on the pronounced adam's apple against white skin.

His initial anger and hunger pangs seem to dull as he fights the urge to blush. Clearing his throat, he hands over the rest of the papers he's managed to pick up.

"And, why is it so great?" Changmin wonders for a second if the man is hitting on him, but he quickly squashes that thought. Seriously, who would be interested in him, the only student planning to study during summer break?

"I wanted to say thanks. You were the one who picked up my sheet music that other time too, right? Sunny told me when I went down for a refill. So, thank you." The man smiles gratefully.

"Oh. Um. No problem at all." Changmin is trying to figure out a way to quickly (but politely) make his exit. "I actually am about to catch dinner--"

"Let me treat you! Do you like Italian?"

"I... do," and Changmin's mouth is already salivating at the thought of spaghetti with meatballs, "but really, it's not necessary, Mr. --"

"Park, but call me Yoochun. I just finished up lessons with a student and want to relax a bit. There's a great place down the street. It won't take more than five minutes to get there," and Yoochun points up the street. "It's just a few blocks that way."

Changmin is still deciding if he should just take the offer (the minutes ticking by as his chances of catching dinner at the dining hall grow less and less) when his stomach decides to voice its own opinion, and quite loudly.

Yoochun laughs and Changmin knows he's blushing now.

"You can't tell me you're not hungry now. C'mon, it'll be much better than the slop they serve at school."

"You're a student too?" Changmin's eyes widen. The man seemed too well-dressed to be a student.

"No, but I know you are," Yoochun points to the thick art history textbook that Changmin is currently holding in his arms. "I'm sure you want a break during finals."

Yoochun gives him that gentle smile again.

Changmin... gives in.

"What's your name?"

"Changmin. Shim Changmin."

//////////

The pasta is exactly al dente and the tomato sauce is thick with plenty of onions and oregano. He bites into the meat, reveling at how rich and moist it tastes. Though he usually doesn't drink, Yoochun had insisted on red wine and Changmin is enjoying the Zinfandel. The food is the best he's had in months.

The lights suddenly dim and their waiter comes by to light the candles on the table. A violinist starts to play, while a women with flowers starts to offer roses to tables.

Changmin distinctly feels like he's on a date. Or in some form of trap. He hadn't noticed it before with his incredible hunger, but he now sees that the restaurant is mostly semi-private booths with couples. Changmin sets down his fork and knife and raises an eyebrow at Yoochun.

"I didn't realize they still do this," Yoochun remarks casually as he takes a sip of wine. But Changmin feels like he's hiding a grin. Yoochun sets down his glass and leans towards Changmin. "We can leave if you're not comfortable," and here, Yoochun looks perfectly sincere.

"I-it's fine," Changmin hurriedly replies. He can be adult about this, it's nothing more, simply a dinner. It's not a date or anything romantic. He grabs for his water, desperate for something else to focus on besides the man in front of him, but his anxious fingers brush too hard and the glass clatters against his plate as it falls and spills liquid all over the table.

"Sorry!" He quickly rights the upset glass and grabs his napkin to stop the water from spreading further. Cursing himself, he blots quickly, thankful that he had drank most of his water already.

A hand presses lightly on his shoulder and he looks up into the worried eyes of Yoochun.

"You okay?"

He feels mortified and wonders if the floor could swallow him up, right then and there. Dropping his gaze, Changmin nods.

"I should probably get back soon. I have an exam tomorrow," Changmin mumbles, feeling oddly defeated. He's not quite sure what he's disappointed about but he doesn't like this feeling of waiting in vain.

Waiting for -- his mind starts to think, but he quickly blocks that thought path.

Yoochun doesn't press him further and Changmin is grateful.

//////////

"Changminnie!"

Arms are flung around his neck and he's suddenly got a Junsu hugging him. He laughs wryly before hugging back just as hard, making sure to add in a few friendly slaps on the back.

"Ow, ow! Yah! Stop that. Did you get stronger again? You've been working out, haven't you?" Junsu wastes no time in pinching and lightly punching Changmin's biceps to check for muscles.

"So hyungs like you wouldn't beat me up, of course."

"I visit you and this is the respect you show to your hyung? Bah." Junsu throws up his hands in mock despair and Changmin just grins.

"What's your schedule like?"

"I'm meeting up with some composers and singers tomorrow, see if there are some good fits. But I'm free tonight. And no, you're not studying, we're going to play StarCraft II, I know you just got the game." Junsu crosses his arms, looking very determined.

"Junsuyah... " Changmin massages his temple.

"I've already put together some ideas for tomorrow and I've been dying to try it. You're not going to deny me tonight."

Changmin laughs, but starts to set up the computers.

"You're definitely going down, hyung."

"No way! I have inherent talent, after all." Junsu strokes his chin.

"Mm, big words old man."

"Yah!"

After six straight hours, they both grudgingly give in to a deadlock. Changmin flops on the futon. It's already 1 am and he yawns, stretching out until his legs and arms go over the edges.

Junsu's face suddenly pops over him and Changmin jumps.

"You know Park Yoochun?" the voice is slightly indignant. A sheet of paper is thrust over his face and Changmin immediately recognizes the green ink scattered across the black lines, the name Park Yoochun signed with a flourish at the top right corner.

Changmin tries not to fall off the couch.

"You know I'm trying to break into the music scene. Why didn't you tell me before you knew someone like Park? I can't believe you didn't tell me," Junsu gripes. He's pacing up and down, which Changmin knows he does when agitated.

"Junsu, wait. It's not like that. I just happened to bump into him --" Changmin sits up.

"You have his music! That's his life, his soul, his blood. He wouldn't just give that to anyone." Junsu keeps pacing.

"No, look, he dropped some of his sheet music and I had helped him pick them up. I guess one of them got stuck between my books by accident. Really. I don't even know who he is."

"Really?" Junsu stops and stares at Changmin.

"Yes, really."

"Honestly? You're not just making up some excuse because you forgot to tell me?"

"No, I really don't know him at all. What, is he really that famous?"

"Changmin. He's the one that won the regional music achievement award last year. The youngest they've had in the past ten years? I can't believe you don't remember me going on and on to you about this."

Changmin recalls some constant babbling about someone last year, but then again, when Junsu's excited, he tends to talk a mile a minute.

"You know, we should return this to him. You met him right? Did you get his number or anything?" Junsu asks.

"Junsu, I just helped the guy pick up some papers," and went to dinner with him, a DATE, his mind supplies him with helpfully, "so why would I get his contact information?"

"Well, then where did you meet him? Maybe he'll be there tomorrow!"

"Junsu... "

"You could introduce me to him. It'd be perfect. I mean, you helped him, he'll have a good impression of you."

"Hyung, let's just go to sleep. I'm tired and you have your meetings tomorrow."

Changmin flops back on the futon, but Junsu walks over to loom above his face.

"And he'd be even more grateful after we give him back this sheet. Don't you think? You should come tomorrow at noon. We can go together to see if he's there."

"At the coffee shop? I really doubt it. He said something about teaching and he's not a student," Changmin replies, flinging his arm over his eyes.

"There'll be free food. Yunho hyung set up catering."

"... you can't always convince me to do everything with food," Changmin mutters.

"Maybe not, but I won't stop calling and texting you tomorrow either." Junsu then proceeds to play his most annoying ringtones, including a chipmunk version of a chicken commercial jingle.

"Fine, I'll go hyung. Happy? Now turn that off and let me sleep."

"Good night!"

//////////

Junsu is giddy and loud and Changmin pretends to immerse himself in work on his laptop, but is just as hyper aware of every person coming in to the coffee shop. He had asked Junsu to check if anyone was up on the second floor, but Junsu comes back, slightly dejected in discovering no one.

He's not sure if he really wants to meet Yoochun again or just forget the incident entirely. He does feel bad about accidentally taking one of the sheets. Maybe he can just introduce the two and then quickly excuse himself for a doctor's appointment or some other excuse.

Changmin starts to think about that day. He remembers bobbing a quick thank you to Yoochun and dashing quickly out of the restaurant, saying he needed to catch the train. It still makes him flustered and he wishes he could just laugh things off, be more carefree, be more nonchalant.

But he's not like that. It takes him time to trust people and he likes to be cautious, to know exactly who he's dealing with and how they think. He and Junsu used to fight all the time when they first met before the discovery of Starcraft brought them together and made them inseparable.

"What the heck? Something's falling down," Junsu suddenly says. He reaches up to catch the item. "Wait, this is... but I checked already! Is he up there? Maybe there's another entrance we don't know about. Changmin, c'mon, I think Yoochun's up there."

"Hyung wait, I need to put away my laptop first--"

"Hurry, he might leave. And I need to get back soon, my lunch break is almost over."

"Okay, okay, hang on a second."

They make their way up the stairs, Junsu pulling at Changmin's wrist. The sight is the same as before except this time it's a white woolen mass contrasting sharply against a black leather loveseat. Large sunglasses cover his eyes and a grey beanie is pulled down low.

"He's sleeping hyung," Changmin whispers. "Let's just leave the sheet music and leave."

"But, I wanted to meet him." Junsu pouts slightly and Changmin shakes his head. "Can I at least leave him a note or something?"

"Fine. Here, a piece of paper and a pen."

"I'm still sad I can't talk to him in person. I know he's independent right now and he hasn't signed up with any companies despite all the offers. It'd be great if he could join us, you know, with Yunho hyung," Junsu babbles. He signs the note with a flourish.

"Yes, yes I know. But let's not wake him up, okay?" Changmin raises an index finger to his lips.

Junsu puts the sheet music back with his note, making sure to make it the first page on the pile.

"Okay. Let's go back." Junsu starts to edge away when a phone starts to ring.

"Shit. Junsu, turn off your phone," Changmin hisses.

"It's not mine, I don't have that ringtone!"

"Then it must be ---"

"Hello? Who... oh! Yunho-yah. Hahah. Ah yeah, you wanted me to come in right? Sorry, you know me too well. I'll be there in a few."

The phone snaps closed and Changmin and Junsu stare wide-eyed at the now awake Yoochun.

"Well. Changminsshi," Yoochun drawls. "A pleasure to see you again. I wasn't expecting to see you, considering what happened last time. I was almost afraid I wouldn't see you at all."

"Y-yoochunsshi. Uh," Changmin stammers. "This is Kim Junsu, he's a friend of mine. He's a really talented singer and wanted to meet you, um, talk to you about some things but I guess you already know Jung Yunho since I believe that may be who you were talking to on the phone earlier? Anyway, Junsu's just about to go to Yunho's so maybe you two can go together and talk and learn more about each other; I have to get going and uh, thanks for dinner, bye."

Changmin bows awkwardly before scurrying away to leave a flabbergasted Junsu and a bemused Yoochun.

"He really doesn't seem to like me, does he?" Yoochun asks, turning towards Junsu.

Junsu thinks he has some questions to ask Changmin later.

But first, he needs to talk to Yoochun and figure out exactly what happened last time.

//////////

Changmin nervously paces in his apartment. He knows Junsu will barrage him with questions and he wonders how to answer. Maybe he can brush it off as simply courtesy? That it really was nothing?

The doorbell rings and Changmin rushes at first to answer before slowing his steps down, wanting to appear calm and unaffected.

"Junsu?"

"Yeah, it's me."

Changmin opens the door.

"Have a good day?"

"It was amazing! I talked a lot with Yoochunsshi and met some great people, like Lee Sungmin and Lee Hyukjae. There was a really talented singer too named Kim Jongwoon, but I didn't get a chance to talk to him that much. I'm really excited. I think we'll be able to make some great music," Junsu answers as he starts to toe off his shoes.

"That's good. Are you meeting tomorrow too?"

"Yup, and then I'll be leaving at 9." Junsu straightens up to step inside, putting on his slippers.

"Got it. Well, glad to hear that everything went well." Changmin starts to yawn, hoping to stop the conversation there. "You know, I'm really tired today, I think I'll --"

"So Changminnie, when were you going to tell me about Yoochunsshi and this date?" Junsu teases, raising an eyebrow.

"It. Wasn't. A. Date."

"Right, because paying for your dinner at Bella Musica isn't romantic at all." Junsu rolls his eyes.

"It was to return a favor, that's all," Changmin retorts.

"Uh huh, and I don't have a twin brother. You know, Yoochunsshi seems to think pretty highly of you even though you say you've only met once."

Changmin mumbles something incomprehensible.

"What was that? Wait, is that... ? You're blushing!" Junsu crows. "You like him, don't you? You do! That's why you're so uncomfortable and awkward, I know you too well Changminah, you can't hide it."

"Be quiet hyung. I don't want to talk about it."

"I don't see why you're so against this. You haven't had anyone since those few dates with Jessica and then Kyuhyun." Junsu then proceeds to try and number other partners and relationships, but he can't seem to remember anyone else besides these two.

"Hyung, I said I don't want to talk about it."

"You should just --"

"JUNSU," Changmin growls. "Drop it. We're not talking about this. End of discussion."

Junsu frowns and sighs.

//////////

Unfortunately, Changmin's attempts to avoid the coffee shop and that area at all costs fail to prevent him from also avoiding thoughts of Yoochun. Even worse are Junsu's texts that hint at finding happiness and going out more (or not hint in some cases, as he gets a JUST SEE HOW IT GOES YOU DOLT and YOU WON'T FIND HAPPINESS BEING ALONE AND SCARED).

And then a few weeks later, there are the things he's been getting in the mail. There's no return address, no signature, but he'd recognize that vermilion ink anywhere. They aren't letters, simply bits of music, some words, a quick sketch here and there. He silently curses at Junsu for giving Yoochun his mailing address, though he supposes it could've been worse. At least he doesn't know Changmin's phone number.

He does read them, though only scanning them quickly before putting them away in a box. He can't quite make himself take the final step of trashing them.

Each juxtaposition shows care and thought, the beauty of words complimented by the fanciful drawings. Sometimes dandelion seeds scatter to the winds as words of hope and dreams sprawl the page. Or an umbrella tip is fashioned into a brush to write passing whispers of aromatic coffee and bitter chocolate that evaporate in the breaking sun.

Changmin doesn't like this. It feels backhanded and sly and he doesn't like how vague everything feels. What is he supposed to make out of this? Nothing's clear and all he has are muddled feelings that arise every time he gets a new post.

The last one is what finally makes him snap.

There aren't any words but simply a sketch of him holding a nicely wrapped box. Except the expression on the face is pained, brows furrowed, lips pursed, eyes watery.

"2 18 2009... " he reads out loud, the numerals underlined twice under the sketch.

His birthday. The day he was going to celebrate with Kyuhyun, except things had gone terribly wrong four days before and they were on non-speaking terms. He wouldn't have even bought a cake but his mom had sent him a package since she was away on business.

Changmin didn't want to throw it out but he really didn't feel like going back to the dorms and dealing with people asking him about his box or wishing him a happy birthday or wondering why he wasn't with Kyuhyun that night.

He had started to wander around, mostly wanting a quiet spot when he had stumbled across the coffee shop. The lights shone brightly in the dark alleyway, inviting and warm.

It was the first time he had cinnamon mocha. Tucked away in a corner and hugged tightly by the plush chair, he had watched the snow start to fall and felt comforted.

Had Yoochun seen him that day? Was this some sort of declaration, a love at first sight message that was supposed to be romantic and prove Yoochun's interest and his dedication? Or was he simply playing some game, some trick?

If Yoochun knew him from before, why didn't he approach Changmin? Was the paper raining from the balcony all a gimmick? A ruse? Just some trap to ensnare the wide-eyed innocent, romance seeking type?

He starts to walk, then trot, then finally run towards the coffee shop. It's almost closing time and he's not sure if anyone will be there.

Changmin recognizes Yoochun stepping out and he starts to slow down, to walk more calmly.

"Yoochunsshi!"

Yoochun looks up in surprise before an excited smile spreads across his face.

"Yes? Did you get my post?"

"Yoochunsshi, what is this? Is this some sort of game? I don't like dealing with puzzles and riddles." He shakes the mail in his hand angrily.

"Did you read the back?" Yoochun points to the other side.

"... the back?" Changmin notices at that moment the words written on the other side.

"I wrote you a letter on each one, on the back. I wasn't sure if you wanted to see me in person so I thought that maybe if I wrote to you, I could tell you better how I feel and that you would get to know me better. I feel like we got off on the wrong foot and I just wanted to at least let you know in writing, something physical that you can actually see and read. When I write something, I want to make it real. I want to make it breathe, and live. There's a permanence with pen and paper and even if you cross it out, that original indentation and marking is still on the page, no matter what."

"I. I didn't read the back," Changmin admits. He suddenly feels guilty.

"No? But you still came. You're here, right in front of me," Yoochun beams. "And I wanted to give my birthday to you. Because you didn't have your birthday when you should have and that was the day I happened to see you. I didn't expect to see you again, but then you appeared that day, right in front of me, and I thought it was a dream."

"You... didn't plan that?" Changmin is still suspicious.

"Plan what?"

"The falling. The sheet music dropping from the balcony."

Yoochun chuckles. "My work and my music are part of me. It's only ever happened because I leave the window open up there and I tend to work until I start dozing. I don't have the best sleep patterns."

"Oh. Right. That, that makes sense." Changmin worries his lip. "I... should go back and read those letters. I didn't, I mean, the words and pictures on the front were so vague and I didn't understand and I thought it was all some joke--"

"It's not a joke," Yoochun quietly says. "I'm quite serious, you know. But if my posts and words aren't enough, then perhaps... "

Changmin looks up to see Yoochun gazing at him intently. Yoochun leans in, slowly, just enough so that Changmin could pull away, but Changmin finds himself leaning too, feels the heat between their lips before skin grazes against each other, soft and ticklish.

"A present, if you'll accept it. For your birthday," Yoochun whispers.

"I. It's just. So sudden and." Changmin presses his fingers to his tingling lips.

"I'll wait. Read the letters. I'll be here Thursday nights."

//////////

Changmin has never blushed so much in his life. He feels embarrassed yet can't stop the wide grin across his face. Yoochun writes every thought, every doubt, every hope in his letters, drawing out the inside completely for Changmin to see.

Did I offend you? What did I do wrong?

I don't usually like asking about people behind their backs, but I had to at least know if I had a chance and to find out that there might still be hope, well--

Are you sleeping well? I remember when I was going to say hello to you but you were asleep in your chair and kept smiling so happily, I couldn't--

--and then, there you were again, except then I never saw you anymore and I thought--

That Thursday night, Changmin accepts his present.

//////////

Junsu, of course, can't stop gloating about the whole situation until Changmin threatens to delete all his high scores and never let him play StarCraft II again. The worst part is when Yoochun decides that Changmin must come to the music studio to provide inspiration and Yunho and Junsu look at him knowingly.

But they simply work next to each other, the soft chords and exploratory notes on the piano the only sounds in the room.

"You know, they remind me of vines," Changmin comments softly as he points to the notes. "Since you use green ink."

"Do they? I like that. Maybe they grow and thrive with your love." Yoochun waggles his eyebrows.

"Oh gods, please. Save that for your music." But Changmin's cheeks are slightly pink.

"Changmin?"

"Hm?" Changmin is decidedly not looking in Yoochun's direction and pretending to be busy.

"I want to kiss you," and Changmin's ear feels rather warm.

"I-idiot. You can't say that kind of stuff out loud."

"Why not? You don't want my kiss?" Yoochun pretends to pout.

"It's not that, it's just--"

"Simple yes or no Changmin."

"... yes."

He looks up, nervous, anticipating. Yoochun leans in and the kiss is gentle, a light brushing against skin.

Lip suddenly part and a hot, wet tongue teases, coaxing Changmin's mouth open. He moans, heat shooting to his groin and Changmin grips Yoochun's shirt, hard. He can feel Yoochun's hands tightening on his hip before moving up, fingertips slipping under his shirt to tease his waist, to his navel, up the ribs before circling around the nipple.

Changmin gasps and feels like it's too much, too quick. He pushes slightly away.

Yoochun seems to sense his trepidation and slides his fingers away. He kisses Changmin, gentler this time, full and warm, before smiling and resting his forehead against Changmin.

"I'll wait."

Changmin nods, blushing slightly, the taste of cinnamon redolent on his tongue. He's carefully unraveling and peeling away bit by bit to find more of Yoochun, through his words, his music...

and of course, through his taste. The essence is complex, requiring time to savor and discover. He looks for the foundations, the beams that create the framework, and imagines green ivy leaves and vines wrapping themselves around the wooden boards.

Perhaps he's letting his imagination run too freely but Yoochun doesn't seem to mind at all. They always leave a shared sheet on the desk, filled with secrets and memories and sometimes, it's easier to etch, to ink the truth between them.

[personal] DBSK NEW SONG

azurehook — Sat, 19 Dec 2009 02:33:12 GMT

LISTEN YOU NOW. and yes, I know, I've been away and feel free to brick me, but must make this announcement.

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK I LOVE IT OMG OMG OMG OMGOMG

*DIES*

[FIC] pull it back.

azurehook — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 05:17:33 GMT

Title: Pull It Back
Pairing: MinSu
Rating: PG
Genre: Angst, romance, fluff
A/N: Okay, it was going to be pwp and happy sex. Instead, it took a turn for the angst and I churned out much longer than I intended ^^;; and no smut. >>;; maybe in part II?
Beta'ed by: the lovely milena_1980, the Su to my Min. <3

They arrive later, open the door to the two of them laughing when a sudden hush settles over the dressing room.

It feels like when they all first met each other for the first time, except Junsu had edged closer to Yunho and Jaejoong while Yoochun looked nonchalant and Changmin was timid at that time.

Now, Changmin edges towards Yunho while Junsu is standing between his hyungs. There's somewhat of a tense impasses until Yunho clears his throat, motions for the other three to sit down on the couches.

Junsu doesn't really remember much of what's said. He probably nods half-heartedly because he's too focused on Changmin, the blunt, crisp hair styling with the structured camel jacket.

He's become...more of a man, Junsu thinks to himself. Not just in attire, because I mean, well, Changminnie's always had all those stylings, but today...attitude? Something? How he holds himself. Maybe that's it...

It's not their best performance. It doesn't feel strong, it doesn't feel together, it doesn't feel, period. There's a listlessness to it, a quiet, disparaging apathy that Junsu dislikes and he almost wishes that Changmin would just tease him, make fun of him, anything besides this terse silence that pervades between them.

Changmin bites his lip. He's a bit frustrated, not happy with their performance and unsure of how to break this uncomfortable aura around them, his hyungs. He wishes Junsu would say something silly, something ridiculous, or random, or something utterly Junsu-like that they could all laugh about and joke.

They've always had a somewhat tumultuous relationship. With their stubborn streak and a tendency to bottle things up or snap impatiently at the wrong moment, Junsu knows it's taken time for them to get where they are now, where they're both comfortable with each other and honest with each other.

Now, it feels like they're back to the beginning.

Junsu sighs. He lets Yoochun know that he's going to use the restroom before they leave, though he supposes he could take a taxi if absolutely necessary.

An observant Changmin discretely follows his hyung.

Junsu's splashing his face with water when the door opens to reveal Changmin. He looks up, water beading and dripping from his chin, and Changmin quirks a wry grin, reminded of his scene in the Way U Are.

When Changmin meets Junsu's gaze though, the small smile quickly fades as he's met with a look of confusion, of uncertainty, of...fear? Changmin doesn't like it.

Junsu thinks that fate is surely playing with him and that clearly, they are out for their own masochistic delight. He looks down, shaking his face before grabbing paper towels to wipe off the rest of the water. Junsu is trying very hard not to think of Changmin and himself in this small enclosed, semi-private space but his body is betraying him and he wonders if it's because he hasn't been close to Changmin in what feels like a long time.

Changmin realizes why the director had made him do this scene now; the water dripping accentuated Junsu's jawline and each beading droplet calls to be lapped at, to be licked.

Which could be the reason why his fingers reach out, of their own accord, to catch a stray drop that Junsu's missed.

Junsu is concentrating so hard on not looking at Changmin that the sudden touch at his temple shocks him. He flinches, too hard, banging his hip right against the sharp edge of the plastic counter.

"Shit!" Junsu rubs at the spot. "What was that for?" Jungsu glares. He's wound up from this whole day, sick of it, his annoyance bursting out at once.

Changmin feels slightly guilty, but schools his expression.

"You missed some water on the side."

"You couldn't just tell me that?"

"Where would the fun be in that?"

"Fun? You think me banging my hip and bruising myself is fun???"

"Hyung, it's not my fault you think I'm so poisonous or something. You didn't have to flinch like that."

"You surprised me! You don't just up and touch someone without some warn-" Junsu's words dies on his tongue. Even he realizes at that moment how hypocritical it all seems. Wasn't he shoving Changmin's face just last summer? Hadn't they gotten over being in each other personal's space? Fuck, had five years vanished, just like that?

"This is stupid." Changmin thinks they're making this bigger than it should be. Fuck, didn't they say that they could be better than this, that they weren't just some commercial pop group tossed together solely for money-making potential and what they had together was stronger? "Look, hyung, I just. I want to not be in this weird funk that seems to have everyone caught up lately and I hate to say it, but even seeing Jaejoong and Yunho hyung being awkward around each other just isn't right. Deal?" Changmin strikes out his hand. He would much rather have a hug, but leaving his arms wide open feels too exposed at that moment.

Junsu bites his lip. He doesn't like how off they've been lately either. He nods and grips Changmin's hand in a firm shake before deciding to pull Changmin tight into an embrace, like Yunho would usually do. Changmin freezes at first but soon returns the embrace and finally, finally it feels right.

It feel perfect.

"Hyung, you're dripping water from your hair. It's seeping into my shoulders."

"It's because you didn't tell me so I could wipe it off. Your fault anyway that my side hurts so much now. You deserve some water punishment."

"Hyung, I'm not a witch. This isn't some trial."

"What are you talking about? Are you trying to pull some history knowledge again?"

Changmin shakes his head but snorts.

"Hey! You're making fun of me, aren't you? I thought you just said we had a deal! Why do you keep--"

"...."

"Hm. Tastes like coconut."

"CHANGMIN! What was that--"

"Changminah! Ah, here you are, the van's ready and--oh, Junsuyah. You okay? I think Jaejoong and Yoochunnie are still waiting so you should be able to catch them, okay?"

Changmin dutifully follows his leader but is trying desperately not to crack the biggest, widest grin across his face.

His cell phone suddenly trills and he flips it out to notice he has a text message.

This isn't over! I'm getting revenge! :< ~JS HYUNG

"I can't wait." Changmin slides the phone shut and thinks that all negotiations and reconciliations should include a peace offering of a kiss.

[fic] Duly Noted.

azurehook — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 01:21:25 GMT

Title: Duly Noted
Pairing: JaeMinSu
Rating: G
Genre: Fluff.
A/N: For emda. I love you dongsaeng, you always cheer me on and encourage me and this is the least I could do when you're going through shit. *HUGS*!!! <333333

It's a rare sight, fingers softly pressing down on the ivory keys as the melody barely manages to resonate in the air. Changmin is used to seeing force and passion from Junsu, but this is of a subdued stillness, a gentle exploration late at night.

He's so focused on the hands that a loud laughter interrupts his musings and another one joins, clear and bell-like. Changmin realizes then that there are two sets of hands, two sets of legs, two bodies sitting on the piano bench. He recognizes Jaejoong's fingers. They idly stroke Junsu's wrist. Changmin looks up to find that he's caught staring and feels out of place. He's disrupted them. He turns to go.

"Changminah!" Junsu's voice calls out, inviting, yearning.

"They only have duets for piano hyung," Changmin responds. He wonders if they'll understand the reference.

"Then we'll make a trio," Jaejoong authoritatively decides.

Changmin doesn't protest too hard despite being squeezed between his two hyungs on the narrow bench. After all, he can sing to their tune.

Obama Wins Nobel Peace Prize?

azurehook — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 14:50:35 GMT

I have to admit, I'm a bit confused and surprised. While I think Obama has done some positive things, did he do that much to warrant a Nobel Peace Prize? I'm not quite sure. I woke up to see this article in my e-mail and I had to blink twice to make sure I was reading it right.

Nominations for the Nobel Peace Prize were submitted February 1st. Obama's Inauguration to become the next President of the United States was on January 21, 2009. That's basically ten days. What?

This blog commentary was interesting and outlines some of my questions and concerns.

The Nobel Peace Prize is given "to the person who shall have done the most or the best work for fraternity between nations, for the abolition or reduction of standing armies and for the holding and promotion of peace congresses."

A lot of people have mentioned how Obama inspires hope. Does that mean peace?

[FIC] Missing a (Heart)beat

azurehook — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 22:27:51 GMT

Title: Missing a (heart)beat
Pairing: MinSu, past!(broken)Jaemin
Length: 5700
Rating: PG
Genre: AU, Angst, Romance
Summary: A life of wanting guaranteed certainties means less chance for taking risks. Shim Changmin always thought time, the continued presence in her wake, would mean forever. But nothing is assured with the spontaneous, carefree Kim Jaejoong and the appearance of one fiercely stubborn, lively Kim Junsu.
A/N: This was definitely challenging for me, in various ways, and I had to scrap quite a lot of ideas before I got to where I am now. I hope you can enjoy it and thank you for reading <3
Written for dbsk_secretgame.
Prompt:

When I was six years-old, I was trying to teach myself how to ride a bike. I was having a rather difficult time getting the right momentum and had a fair amount of scrapes on my knees and legs to show for my efforts. I was taking a break on the grass, bike strewn somewhat carelessly on the ground when I noticed something was coming near me.

A dark black bike with silver lightening decals and shiny reflectors whizzed by me and the boy was standing up, confident, wind blowing in his hair.

Admiration was my immediate thought.

Later on, I’d realize that I’d probably loved him a little, even then, too.

~*~*~

I’m not sure why our mothers were friends – they seemed like complete opposites, my mother being more quiet and soft-spoken while Jaejoong hyung’s was more boisterous and loud, but also very kind.

In either case, one afternoon found me fidgeting slightly as I walked with my mom, who wanted me to make more friends around the neighborhood. I didn’t see what the big deal was considering I had friends in school, but she felt I should have friends outside of school too. Playmates that I could hang out with more easily. Well, she did have a point there – most of my friends lived across town.

I still remember the front entrance, shoes lined up and then hyung’s mother pushing Jaejoong forward and sending us off to play outside. My eyes had widened considerably, realizing it was him and I remember we sat on a bench outside, somewhat awkwardly silent.

I fidgeted again, wondering what I could say, what I should say. My eyes wandered and noticed that black bike propped up against a tree. I couldn’t help my gaze and wishing I could be like that, like him, wind blowing free in my hair.

“You wanna try?” Jaejoong’s voice interrupted my thoughts when I realized I had been leaning out on the bench towards the bike and staring for a good few minutes.

“Um.”

He got up and wheeled it over.

“It’s a little tall, but should be ok.” He looked at me expectantly.

I gulped, nervous. I didn’t want him to know that I couldn’t ride a bike, but I also didn’t want to fall and look stupid.

Of course, I fell.

I felt utterly mortified and sat there, the pain vibrating through my knees and the shock of the impact making me immobile. I heard a noise, and then louder, and then laughter and I looked up to see him, eyes crinkled, hand over his mouth, summer sun tinting his hair slightly brown.

I should have hated him. But I could only watch in awe, notice how beautiful he looked when he laughed.

“Sorry! Sorry,” he managed to breathe out. “Don’t hit me. You should’ve told me. Here. I’ll teach you ‘kay?”

And so wherever he went, I would follow along on my blue bike, unsteady and wobbling slightly until I was racing him, always so desperate to beat him. The summer flew by as he would grab my hand, take me exploring, show me his usual haunts, share delicious goodies from his favorite store.

Summers were when I could be with Jaejoong hyung. That was our season, since we went to different schools and I always had some after-school activity.

That all changed in high school.

~*~*~

I was feeling every inch the gawky, too-tall, nerdy freshman despite my attempts to dress otherwise. I really, really didn’t want to be there, but Jaejoong hyung had dragged me out, demanding that I needed to go to my first high school party on my birthday. It was frigid, horribly cold in winter and there were still remnants and remainders of Valentine’s Day strewn about.

He gave me a cup of beer, told me to drink up (I still remember the bitterness and scowling but chugging it down anyway), and lead me to the dance floor as he wandered off to say hello to Yunho, who was hosting the party.

I sort of stood there, awkward, as people danced around me, bumped into me, heat and sweat in the middle of February.

“Changminah!” Jaejoong hyung grinned at me when he came back five minutes later, slinging his arm around my shoulder. “Got anyone you like? I know Jung ah over there, she your type? Or how about Ga in? I remember you telling me that you thought she was really pretty.”

I didn't realize it at the time what it was. I just knew at that moment, I was pissed. Angry and frustrated. I didn’t want to be at this stupid party where I didn’t know anyone save Jaejoong hyung. I felt embarrassed and silly. I just wanted to be in a quiet place, eat some cake, and joke around with hyung, go on some long drive to the ocean like we had done last summer when he got his driver’s license.

“No. Good night, hyung.”

That was the first time I had ever walked away from Jaejoong hyung.

(It wouldn’t be the last.)

But he caught up to me, pulled me aside.

“Changminah, you alright? Did I, did I do something wrong?”

He looked honestly confused and I didn’t quite know how to put it in words. More like, I hadn’t quite realized it myself at that point.

“Hyung, I don’t want to be here, at this party, with these girls. That’s not how…” I sighed a little.

He looked baffled before a look of understanding dawned on his face.

“They should’ve been boys! Right? That’s what you mean, yeah? Um, well I know some friends I can try calling—“

I sort of wanted to smack him, so I did because he was making me try to do self-realizations when it’s my birthday, when it’s late at night and that beer was making my head swim slightly. I decided to try and change the conversation.

“Anyway. More importantly, where’s my present, hyung? Or did you forget it’s my birthday?” I tried to say it with some levity, though I had to admit, I was frankly getting disgruntled and my voice came out more accusatory than joking.

Jaejoong looked at me, confused again.

“But, those were your presents. The girls. You know, a hookup. I thought maybe you’d want to meet someone and. Well, you know.”

I gaped. Okay, maybe I should have seen that coming at the time, but I hadn’t really put it all together.

"Look hyung, I don't. I mean, thank you, but no. That's not really what I'm interested in at the moment." I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose.

He looked very sad at that moment, like he had somehow failed miserably and I hated seeing that face on him.

I tried to grin as I hit him again, playfully on the arm.

"You, uh, you can make it up to me! Buy me that special 24-scoop ice cream desert and some dokk bokki and I'll be happy."

He whipped his head up and beamed, grabbed my hand.

"Then let's go!"

To be honest, I just wanted ~~to be with~~ him.

~*~*~

I'd like to think I was strong. Well. At least a functional human being who was producing meaningful output. It's amazing to think that somehow, despite what had happened junior summer, I managed to keep focused and plug along (and no, it’s not the party).

Or maybe, I was just determined never to think or feel that way ever again, so plunging myself headlong into school and college examinations seemed like a good idea. I had always been top academically, but senior year saw a transformation where ever accolade, every award of achievement was not enough and I needed to have more, to keep pushing myself to be number 1 in everything and not just be at the top 10% of the class.

The ironic thing about the whole situation was that I actually got sick on examination day. My dreams of attending Seoul National University crumbled and I just barely managed to get into (what I felt) was a lower-ranking institution.

It might seem strange, but I actually don't remember much of college. It's a blur, where I ended up studying business and accounting, when I later realized I should have gone more into International Relations, despite my slight aversion towards politics. I kept studying, doing more secretarial and treasury types of positions to develop the networks, and focused so much on these activities that by the time senior year rolled around, I found myself exhausted, burnt out, and sick.

My mother was the one who finally confronted me when they were visiting near campus and looked absolutely horrified. She demanded that I take care of myself, right then and there, to lessen activities, and to send weekly e-mails (complete with a photo of myself) or else she would force me to take a hiatus from school and live at home.

That would've been a humiliation and pain worse than death, so I dutifully lowered my activities, took care to be more healthy (I had always managed to eat pretty well, but my sleeping habits were atrocious), and started to exercise.

It wasn't easy. I was used to devoting most of my time at a desk, so taking the time to balance it out with other things seemed like a waste. But I actually found myself having more energy, feeling more uplifted than usual and discovered a love for running outdoors with music.

While my classmates were lining themselves up for internships and future jobs at the major hedgefunds, investment banks, and other financial institutions, I found myself taking a step back. Whether it was my mom's words coming back to haunt me or just finally understanding that I didn't actually want to go into some ridiculous corporate scene, I was actually contacted by a mid-sized music industry company who needed help on their finances and business organization.

It wasn't what I had expected, but it sounded interesting and the salary plus benefits were surprisingly decent for the industry.

I took the job.

~*~*~

As it is, they’ve hired someone else to join at the same time as me. I get to work early and my supervisor, Park Yoochun, shows me to my desk.

“So! Welcome, welcome. Here’s your workspace. Oh, there’s another new guy coming in to, but he’ll be under the creative director’s tutelage. Actually, he went to your school…anyway. Lemme show you what I want you to read up on and then I’m taking you guys out for lunch! Just one of the perks for showing the newbies around,” he grins.

I raise an eyebrow. My university is not really known for turning out graduates interested in the arts, so the odds of someone being from there is very low. I give Yoochun a quick nod and set my things down. I flip open the first page of the manual and start reading.

It’s 12:05PM when Yoochun finally comes by my desk and I can’t help but feel relieved. I’m much hungrier than I expected and reading the thick manual twice hasn’t been my most exciting morning.

“I know, I know, it’s not the most interesting stuff, but we need to ensure all the employees have an understanding of the basic protocols and all that jazz. We’re gonna swing by the other office to pick up Kim Junsu. He’s the other guy from your school.”

The creative director’s space is a lot more interesting, with modern art everywhere and what looks like an assortment of toys and stress balls. I see a guy staring out into space, looking less than scintillated by the open manual in front of him. My brows furrow. Surely not…?

My thoughts are dashed when Yoochun strides over to him and greets him. He suddenly jerks up (banging his knee in the process and looking embarrassed) and laughs, loud, too loud, a sort of odd, yet slightly husky noise. I cringe a bit at the volume.

“Shim! Come over here, I’ll introduce you two. Kim Junsu, this is Shim Changmin. He actually went to your school.”

Kim Junsu smiles brightly at me and shakes my outstretched hand (I resignedly had put it out for politeness’ sake) vigorously.

“Hi! I’m Kim Junsu. You went to Kyunghee too? That’s great! What did you study? When did you graduate—“

Yoochun just laughs at Junsu’s clearly evident excitement and I feel more and more annoyed. Mr. Sunshine here keeps peppering me with questions and there’s nothing more I want than food. He’s not helping my irritable mood but I’m trying very hard not to snap.

Especially in front of my supervisor.

Somehow, we manage to make it to the trendy café without me throttling Junsu.

I don’t really talk much, just nod and give short answers as I quickly finish my food. It’s not that I’m trying to be rude; I just don’t like to talk a lot in front of people I’ve only known for a short time.

It doesn’t seem to matter anyway, since Yoochun and this Kim character seem to get along just fine, joking and laughing and being silly. I feel oddly out of place and my lunch settles uncomfortably in my stomach.

I watch them as I sip my juice, the way each emotion is so clearly etched on Kim’s face while Yoochun is a bit more subtle, a bit more sly. And yet, they laugh comfortably, easily, to their eyes.

They both have very pretty lips. Kim’s is fuller though.

I’m not sure where that thought comes from, but I admit it to myself, not denying it. I’ve learned to just let those moments come and go, not berate myself or think too deeply. It’s a normal, perhaps sexual thought, the result of body hormones and chemicals.

Nothing to do with actual emotion.

~*~*~

I spend the next few weeks trying desperately not to tear out my hair. I had expected that there would be some difficulties, some things I would have to get used to, but every lunch hour has become completely unbearable.

Kim Junsu has taken it upon himself to bound to my workstation, always promptly at noon, saying it’s time for lunch and that we’re eating together.

I try to bring lunch, but that doesn’t work because he drags me out anyway and says he can buy something from the vendors.

I then try to go earlier, but that’s almost impossible with the amount of work and meetings I have to deal with in the mornings.

One time, I tried to say I already ate, but that just backfired on me as he sat in the cafeteria with Yoochun, where anyone could see if I had left the building. My day was horrible, low blood sugar, and I barely made it to my afternoon break.

In the end, I find myself going with him, listening to him talk, learn about his fraternal twin brother, his dog, how he loves soccer with a passion, his obsession with coconuts and palm trees and things tropical, and every other bit of minusciae.

I nod, give short answers, but he keeps asking about me and I find myself responding, sarcastic, slightly caustic.

“You should play soccer! We can start a team, you know? I think Yoochunsshi plays and then we could set up like an office tournament and—“

“We don’t have the time. Where would we play? The closest soccer field is an hour away.”

I seriously hate team sports; I’ve always been atrocious at them, but I would never tell Junsu that.

“Have you ever had fresh coconut milk? It’s so good! I went with my brother and we opened them, right there. They should grow coconuts here! It’d be so nice and perfect and then we could go during lunch—“

“Coconuts could not survive in this weather. How would you get one here?”

I still don’t understand his obsession with that fruit. They’re so damn hard to open anyway and the liquid isn’t that great. I remember being so sorely disappointed when I discovered I really didn’t like them all that much.

“Changminah! Have you heard this one??? It’s great. ‘To write with a broken pencil is pointless.’ Isn’t that brilliant??”

“Yeah, like I wish I were a derivative so I could be tangent to your curves. I’ve heard it before.”

I rolled my eyes but he reddened slightly (hmm, interesting), before telling me every joke in his pun book.

Before I know it, I’m actually looking forward to our lunch sessions. His smile and laugh brighten my day, pure, sunny, clear. I can’t help but smile and laugh with him, especially when he pouts.

He’s beautiful in his own way. Not that I would ever tell him that.

For once, my dreams aren’t of Kim Jaejoong, but one Kim Junsu.

~*~*~

“I’m older than you! You should treat me with some respect.”
“Respect is earned, not demanded, Junsu.”
”Hyung,” he says, exasperation and frustration all too evident. “How hard is it for you to-“

There’s a shuffle that catches our attention and I look up.

My throat goes dry.

“Changminah…” He’s changed, except not at all, those dark piercing eyes looking at me intently, pink tongue darting out to lick his lips.

“H-hyung.” I curse myself for the waver in my voice and almost miss the look of indignation on Junsu’s face. I don’t quite know what to think, to say, to act, but somehow he manages to take control of the situation, like he always does, in his own way, with his own rhythm.

He smiles, that soft, genuine one before he glances at Junsu and it quirks to a sly grin.

“Now who is this? Where are your manners dongsaeng?”

I’m about to stammer out some semblance of a sentence when Junsu stands up abruptly.

“Kim Junsu. I work with Changmin.” He thrusts out his hand, aggression all too clear in his stance. “And you are…?”

“Kim Jaejoong.” They shake hands and I can see Junsu’s tight grasp, but Jaejoong isn’t fazed at all. “Nice to meet you. Strong grip you have there, do you work out?” His eyes rove unabashedly at Junsu’s muscles and I’m a bit surprised to see Junsu redden.

But I’m angry too. What the hell is Jaejoong hyung doing here anyway, of all places?

“Junsu, I’ll see you later in the conference room.” He doesn’t seem too happy but I ignore him, pull Jaejoong hyung outside, towards the courtyard.

I turn to him, ready to face him, arms crossed, but hyung just looks at me bemused and starts appraising me. My confidence seems to ebb away under his scrutinizing gaze and he suddenly smiles, open mouthed, like a child.

“What are you doing—“
“Changminah, you know, I missed you~” he says, like he’s been away for a few weeks and not months. He comes closer to me, hugs me.

I try not to shiver, to not make him notice just how much he still affects me. I have to deflect him and gently push him away.

“How is Yunhosshi doing?” I ask pointedly. A quizzical expression appears on his face.

“Yunho’s fine. But Changminah, I wanted to talk to you, see how you are, it feels like it’s been so long, don’t you think? We should catch up!” He cocks his head, smiles, and I can’t take it anymore.

“No. Look hyung, you can’t do this. Come back into my life like this. I—“

“I’m sorry.” Jaejoong interrupts and looks at me, genuinely contrite. I have to bite my lip. “I probably should have said that first, but I am. For everything. I. I didn’t know about it until well, actually Yunho had to tell me. Dongsaeng, I didn’t realize you had been waiting that night. And then I scolded you for not taking care of yourself and—“

“Just forget it hyung.” The memories are coming too quickly, painful, of one cold night when I waited late, needing to talk to Jaejoong hyung, deciding that this was the day, before he went off to college.

Who knew that drunken declarations of love at a senior class happy hour would mean the next day would greet me with Jaejoong hyung and Yunhosshi a happy, bashful couple as I was fighting the beginnings of a cold?

“Changminah—“
“Goodbye, Jaejoongsshi. I’d appreciate it if you never appeared in front me ever again.” I turn, not wanting him to see me break, again.

Junsu, surprisingly, doesn't ask me what happened and he hands me some files, saying we have a conference call with a new client in twenty minutes.

I almost wished he had.

~*~*~

I never had a chance to yell at him, to scream, to cry out all my frustrations, my anger, to rain harsh punches against his pale white skin to see in satisfaction the bruises form and angry welts appear.

I loved you. I fucking gave up almost twenty years of my life utterly devoted and obsessed with you, in the form of love, even if I didn't understand at all times that it was love. Did you know? I told my parents, even though I knew they wouldn't understand, try as they might, those tight lipped smiles, trying to understand what the fuck was wrong with me, but I didn't care, I had you, you were the one thing to make it all right.

~*~*~

Later that week, Junsu asks if I’d be interested in going out to a bar with some of his friends.

I say yes.

It’s a bad idea.

~*~*~

I’m spiraling. I’m well aware of this fact, know fully that I’m acting idiotic, but discarding my usual image seems insanely necessary at the moment. A shot of vodka helps quell those last reserves of self-restraint.

I laugh at almost how easy it is for me to slide back into this rhythm, finding myself in the throng of hot, sweaty bodies. It reminds me of that party, oh so long ago, but I push that thought firmly out of my head. Junsu notices me and beams, bright like the sun. He waves me over, unassuming. Completely unaware. I grin, wicked and feral.

My hands grasp his hips as my lips are at his ear.

“Let me dance with you.” It’s a command and I press my body against his, smirk when I hear the intake of breath escape his lips.

He’s good, too good with hips, and I find myself pressing closer, letting my nose and lips tease and explore his neck, my tongue lick his sweat. My fingers splay out, tease with the hem of his shirt to expose skin. Gods, is it really so easy? I need, I want, my body all too eager for satiation when it’s suddenly cold and I’m left grasping nothing.

“W-what’s gotten into you?” Junsu’s voice has an odd laughing but almost hysterical pitch, which I almost snort at when I notice just how livid he is. “You know what? Forget it. Seems like you’re enjoying yourself in the club scene. I’m sure you’ll find someone else who’ll appreciate you. You’re good looking enough.” He starts to walk away.

I’m so angry in that moment I can barely think. I just manage to grab his hand before he gets swallowed by the crowd and yank him towards me, none too gently.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean? I thought you were attracted to me, Kim Junsu. No one, no one in their right mind would spend as much time as you do trying to talk to me, to always have lunch meetings and sneak glances at me like that unless they were at least remotely interested in me.”

That isn’t quite what I had meant to say, but it’s what has been eating at me for days, weeks now. I didn’t, don’t want to ever think of anyone in that way, ever again. I don’t want that to happen again. It’s not something I could handle. My thoughts are interrupted all too quickly though.

“Being nice doesn’t mean I just want some careless fuck,” he spits out. “If I wanted that, I could’ve just come here from the very beginning, find the first drunk person I saw. But you know, I doubt you know anything, at all. Like how I know you leave early on every first Friday to go home to your sick grandmother. Or that you always make sure your parents are okay, even when they call you at the office. How meticulous you are with everything and how in secret, you hate any kind of flying insect. And how you carefully keep and wrap up those leftovers, which makes me think you have a pet.” Junsu is calm as he runs through his list. But he looks at me again in intense anger. “I invited you because I wanted to know more about you. Inside and out. Not for some casual hookup.”

My mind spins, incredulous that anyone actually noticed, especially such personal things. I’m in a daze and my grip is loose, letting Junsu easily pull away. My arm drops abruptly as I stare, watch Junsu walk away.

Fuck. I suddenly feel like I can’t breathe, that I’ve been plunged in ice-cold water.

It’s happened again, even before anything definite happened.

I decide I need to take a vacation and lie in my apartment, ordering delivery and mindlessly watching movies and playing video games.

~*~*~

What actually ends up happening, after some deep thinking and tossing and turning in bed is that I go to the office on Monday, confront Junsu during lunchtime and demand that I take him out to apologize. He looks up, startled, annoyed, but grudgingly acquiesces, which I'm hoping is a positive sign.

He eats, very fast, not looking up at me once. I stare like I always do (I can't help it; he's probably the only other person I've seen who eats faster than me) but decide I need to talk about this now, get it out of the way.

“Look, I’m --“

"Changminah," as he wipes his hands on the napkin and pushes his plate away. “Just forget it. And, I won’t bother you anymore. But,” he pauses and looks at me.

“You know, you’ve never said no to me directly. And I don't see you being the indirect type to be kind, especially to me. So I think," and here he leans in with a shit-eating grin, "if you wanted to scare me off, you could’ve done it much more easily. Which means…you do want to be friends with me, to be friendly with me!"

I stare, because I've never had to deal with anyone quite like this, someone who just kept pushing and pushing.

I hate how his insightfulness can sneak in at times like these. And that he had a whole weekend to think about this.

Or maybe, I’m more frustrated at the fact that he’s gotten much closer to the truth than my own self-realizations.

How does he know me better than myself?

But he’s right. Why am I continuing to indulge him when I’m sure I could just bluntly say, I don’t want him to talk to me? I’ve done it enough times with some of the intern girls that kept flitting about and annoying me.

I don’t want to answer the question that looms in my head of why he’s different.

“Well?” He keeps grinning, as if he’s found the solution to all my problems.

“You’re a strange, strange person, hyung.” But for some reason, I’m relieved, I find myself almost wanting to smile.

He gasps and then gives me the biggest smile I’ve ever seen.

“You said it!”

I shake my head vehemently, but he gloats the whole way back to the office and I can’t quite deny his claims that strongly.

~*~*~

We don’t ever talk about that one night in the club and Junsu never invites me out like that again. It’s strange, but I feel like I’m re-meeting him again, getting to know him all over.

I like to think he’s entertaining, that he makes me laugh. And his energy can be infectious, making late nights at the office bearable when deadlines are fast approaching.

I still wonder if I’ve missed chances like this in college, to make friends, to make these connections. Regret isn’t a pleasant feeling so I try not to dwell on that thought for too long.

“Changminah!” It’s our usual time for our lunch meetings, except there’s something different.

Namely, he has someone with him I’ve never seen before.

“Hyung?” I look questioningly at his new companion.

“Oh, this is Lee Hyukjae! He’s my best friend from childhood and we used to compete against each other.”
“And I’d always beat you,” Lee Hyukjae quips to which Junsu hits him on the arm.
“Liar! Pants on fire.”
“Oh my god Junsu, how old are you??”
“You didn’t deny my claim! See, he’s lying.” Junsu sticks out his tongue and laughs.

Childhood friend. And with Junsu. It’s almost a double blow, not quite sitting well with my stomach.

“Right. I’m sure you two want to have lunch together, catch up and all,” I start to say, figuring Junsu was probably here to say he couldn’t do our usual…meeting (date, I almost think).

“Wait! I wanted the three of us to go to lunch together,” Junsu exclaims, looking excited as if this is the best idea ever.

The image of Yunho flickers through my head and I grimace. Occasionally, I find myself wondering where they are, what they’re doing, but it doesn’t really matter anymore.

I can feel his gaze, hopeful and anxious and expectant.

“You should go. I have a meeting later on that I need to prepare a presentations for.” It’s a weak excuse but I’m finding I don’t want to be reminded of them, of those two, I don’t care how childish it may seem.

“But—“
“Changminah! I have some things to talk about, you free for lunch today?” Yoochun saves me and I immediately get up, eager to leave.

I’m not going to get hurt again.

~*~*~

For the rest of the week, Lee Hyukjae is with Junsu and every day, Junsu tries to convince me to go to lunch with them.

Luckily, (or unluckily) I end up having a conference call, or a presentation I need to do, or some other engagement.

There are times when I occasionally catch sight of Junsu but for some reason, I look away, I find myself ignoring him. I know it’s not logical, rational, but I can’t help myself. There’s even a time when I see him in my peripheral vision, approaching my desk during my short afternoon break, but I get up and hide in the private handicapped bathroom on the first floor.

Friday comes and goes and I’m about to leave for the day when someone nears my desk.

“Can I help you?” I ask curtly, organizing my papers on my desk.

“Why are you back to this?” he demands. I don’t look up and keep making neat piles.

“What do you mean?” My tone is perfectly civil, monotone. Uncaring.

The papers go flying, order destroyed. I snap.

“Fuck off. You go enjoy your good times with your best friend. I don’t care. Some people have actual work to do. Leave me out of your nostalgic times down memory lane.” I bark, waving him off as I start picking up the papers, still not looking at him.

He grabs my wrist and I glare at him, finally looking him in the eye and I’m surprised to see hurt, so much hurt. He schools his expression though and replaces it with a look of anger.

“If you didn’t fucking care, why do you keep avoiding me? Why do you keep pushing me away?”

I yank my hand away from his grip, rubbing at my wrist. I don’t want to answer him. I don’t want to tell him anything, I don’t want him to think I’m weak.

Something touches my cheek suddenly and I jerk away, startled.

“You’re crying,” he states, his fingertips glistening slightly with my tears.

“Shut up.” I hate him. I hate him for making me want something, for making me feel that connection again, for making me re-live such similar moments.

“Why are you crying?” Junsu’s voice is hushed, almost with a child-like curiosity and that undoes me.

“I like you. You happy? That what you want to hear? That you were right all along, that you got snobby, stuckup, anti-social, Shim Changmin to fucking like you when he hates everyone, ignores everyone else, but hell, he does a good fucking job so let’s keep him?” Fuck if I’m crying. The stupid tears keep coming, traitorous bastards.

I find myself suffocating in starched cotton, plastic buttons pressing painfully against my cheek. We don’t say anything as I stay there, cocooned in warmth and soothed by the rhythmic breathing and thump thump thump of Junsu’s heart.

“Fuck you. I didn’t want to like you either, you bastard,” he whispers, but it’s without any actual anger.

The whole thing seems so utterly ridiculous that I find myself laughing, self-deprecatingly, dry hoarse heaves that sound like I might cry again any second.

In that one moment, I forget completely about Kim Jaejoong and wrap myself in the essence of Junsu.

~*~*~

“I’m older than you! You could at least maintain some proper manners in the workplace!”
“Junsu, I technically arrived at this company before you. So actually, I’m your sunbae, even if you are older than me.”
“Arg! Why do I even try?”
“Anyway, you’re not my hyung. Not anymore. That’s a title long gone to someone else, that isn’t really a part of my life anymore. You’re Junsu. My Junsu.”
“….”
“?”
He interrupts my musings with a kiss. His lips are soft, full, and I lick them, taste them between mine, sucking on them slightly as I pull him closely, fingers gripping his shirt tight.

My heart beats fast, alive and thrumming.

[FIC] Beyond Touches

azurehook — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 03:29:34 GMT

Title: Beyond Touches
Pairing: Jaejoong, Yoochun and Junsu
Prompt: Rough sex, Jae and Yoochun topping Junsu
Rating: NC-17
A/N: I wrote this anonymously a while back for the SM kink meme, but wanted to archive this in my journal. Hope you enjoy if you haven't read it ^_^

He feels the slick cold gel against his ass, questing fingers seeking his entrance while another hand fondles his balls. He's on his hands and knees and feels utterly exposed against the large king-size hotel bed. He moans and pants, wanting so much more, to tell them somehow to quicken, that he won't fucking break, that he needs it right now and hard and filled to the brim, choking.

But Jaejoong just laughs, a musical whisper against the air as he sets the pace and ohsoslowly lets his slippery tips plunge into Junsu's hole. He's busy kissing Yoochun, the both of them tongue fucking each other's mouths, slurps and drips and sucks.

"I think Su wants more," Yoochun says when they break for air. "Seems a waste to not have that mouth occupied somehow." Junsu struggles not to whine, to beg.

Yoochun sidles over until he's kneeling in front of Junsu. His erection is right in front of Junsu's nose and Junsu licks his lips in anticipation. It's so hard, dripping slightly and he wants it.

"You want to suck me off don't you?" Yoochun smirks knowingly. He nudges his cock towards Junsu's lips and Junsu eagerly opens his mouth to feel the hot heat fill him, until it hits the back of his throat.

"Fuck, so deep," growls Yoochun, and Junsu holds him to slide up and down, sucking as he goes.

He almost jumps when Jaejoong's finally found that nub that makes him quiver, that makes him ache even harder if possible.

"It's right here, isn't it baby? I know you want so much more," coos Jae. He adds another finger, stretching Junsu's ass further and Junsu can only moan around Yoochun's cock, humming slightly.

He manages a rhythm and his eyes are glazed over as he looks at Yoochun, who has his head tilted back in ecstasy. Junsu wants Yoochun to be louder, to be just as desperate and wanting, so he sucks harder, faster, deeper until Yoochun is gripping his hair almost painfully, thrusting quicker and quicker.

"Harder, gods, just like that, shit," Yoochun's mixing English and is loud, and Junsu can barely keep up with the pace with everything so damn wet, so slippery.

He's so close to making Chun come, but he suddenly feels Jaejoong pushing against him and it breaks up his rhythm. Yoochun groans, almost in annoyance, but Jaejoong just laughs again.

"Patience, Yoochunnie. It'll make it better, I swear."

But Jaejoong, despite his words, is pushing, thrusting, rather roughly, more than usual and Junsu can only push back against him in reply. Yes, he thinks, he needs it like this, rough, two cocks slamming into him from both ends, push and pull, Jae's thickness hitting his prostate dead on while Yoochun's stuffs his mouth completely. Junsu loves it, the overwhelming fullness, and almost wishes he could see them on video, in a mirror, anything to mark the moment.

He can feel Jae's hand gripping his hips, harder, the nails biting into his skin, his ass feeling like it's being torn open in pleasure and pain. Yoochun keeps going deeper each time and Junsu fights to relax his throat, to not gag. It's getting harder though and Junsu's not sure if he can take it anymore unless he releases soon. It's too much, yet not enough and gods, he needs it, something, fuck, just, so close. His eyes are smarting from the intenseness and he can already feel the beginning of tears.

Yoochun releases suddenly, the slightly bitter, salty liquid hitting Junsu's throat and he can't help but choke a little, gag, and his eyes water even more. But he swallows anyway, lapping, slurping, the white liquid going down his throat.

Junsu clenches, wanting more and Jaejoong's hands tighten around his cock until he's releasing and Jaejoong comes, hot liquid splashing against his already over sensitized prostate.

Junsu can only collapse against the bed, feeling the cum slowly dribble out of his ass, cooling against his skin. There's cum everywhere, and he feels sticky, wet.

"You're not done yet. I need to fuck that tight ass of yours." Yoochun's already recovering and Junsu whimpers. But he's already anticipating, and wonders what Jae wants. There's a small germ of an idea that's tugging at him... but he's a little afraid, unsure.

"Maybe double penetration," Jaejoong suggests and of course, Junsu isn't surprised that Jae can read him so well sometimes. He looks up at the both of them, who are looking very feral and excited.

"Then fuck me," and Junsu sprawls on the bed, waiting for them to ravish him.

Jae kisses him, rolls them over until Junsu straddles his hips. He lets their cocks brush against each other and Junsu finds himself getting hard, rapidly.

“I want to see you ride me, hard while Chunnie’s pounding your ass,” Jaejoong breathes out. Junsu shudders. He can just imagine Yoochun with his eyes dilated and dark, full of wanting.

It’s easier this time, as Junsu slowly lets Jae’s cock fill him, angling slightly until he finally finds the spot. Yoochun’s already behind him, letting his tongue tease his ear and biting a lobe slightly.

“You’re so hot baby, how you ease into him, just swallowing him whole.” Yoochun’s voice is husky and low. “Let me see you open up for me.”

And he feels Yoochun pressing into him, so, so slowly at first that Junsu wants to cry. It’s tight and even with the copious amounts of lube, it burns slightly. Junsu’s swallowing breaths in big gulps, feeling almost light headed at how incredibly whole he feels. It’s hard to think, and all Junsu can do is pant, desperate for air.

“Gods Chunnie, I can feel you,” Jaejoong moans and his grip tightens on Junsu’s hips.

And suddenly he’s in, all the way and they all gasp, two cocks clenched so tight in heat.

It feels too long and Junsu’s already pushing against them, wanting them to move. Sweat drips from his forehead as he looks at Jaejoong, mouth open and groaning. Yoochun picks up the sign and finally starts pushing, pounding and Junsu almost screams.

They’re new to this, unused to maneuvering and it’s awkward but the thought of the both of them inside makes Junsu already heady and so damn close. He can already feel Jae about to lose it and Chunnie’s not too far behind.

A keen, a wail and hot liquid shoots inside him, once, twice, a harsh bite on his shoulder before Junsu splatters all across Jaejoong. They tumble, hard, and Jaejoong and Yoochun pop out, while Junsu can only tremble in the aftershock. Everything is tingling, tremors still reverberating and he feels like he could lay there forever.

Yoochun’s idly fingering the cum on Jaejoong’s chest and licking his fingers. He dips into Junsu’s chest, where some remnants have flown. Jaejoong nuzzles Junsu slightly.

“It wasn’t too much, was it?” Jae’s voice sounds a little concerned and worried.

“It’s always just right,” Junsu grins and he kisses Jaejoong and Yoochun and lies between them, recovering.

[Personal] FYI.

azurehook — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 13:39:52 GMT

Thank you, for those messages and for those notes. They mean so much to mean and I really, really am grateful for them.

I just wanted to let you all know that I'll still be working, living where I am, doing what I usually do just less of it. I just need to do this once, twice a week at the moment.

If anything changes or if I need to go on a complete hiatus, I will let you know.

I will be around on lj, plurk, twitter, just not as often and will be more passive.

But I am here.

<3

[Personal] Birthdays and such

azurehook — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 13:30:18 GMT

Happy Birthday haru_no_keeki!!! Hope you can enjoy your day with some cake and well deserved rest :D

On a side note, I will be going on vacation for a week starting this Friday. Woot!

Things are busy. But I've talked to some people and I think I have a better idea of what I want to do in the future.

Love you! miss you flist~~ <3

Straight up.

azurehook — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 19:02:07 GMT

This accusation of my friend roselit plagiarizing has made me incredibly infuriated. I also find it highly ironic that sammirish did not respond to my comment at all. What? Oh you couldn't respond to my comment because I'm RIGHT and you're WRONG? oh that's fine dearie. you run along now and play with your assassin jae who sings spongebob squarepants.

Anyway. I've responded to her in the thread. My main point is that don't ever do shit like that to people I care about.

And readers/writers? Not that there are any out there, but might as well say this very clearly: if you ever, EVER think that I've plagiarized, come deal with it directly. TO ME. Don't do this childish anon shit of having your friend post and then come hunkering in like a pansy. you got something to say to me, tell it to my face.

PS -- if you're a friend of roselit's, please DO NOT reply to the thread, cause any wank or spam sammirish. the bitch doesn't need more ammo or twisted logic to hurt Diane.

[Personal] FLAILS

azurehook — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 15:21:30 GMT

Hello! and yes, I haven't used LJ in ages, I'm still on hiatus but but but I just needed to pimp these out because they are lovely and awesome and thank you.

So I did this here:

☢ THE SELF-INSERT MEME

and got amazing responses from:

lokitic right here
roselit's crack here
and douknow's one here

Thank you so, so much. I've been feeling apathetic as of late and these just made me insanely insanely happy.

I miss you flist. ;o; I feel like I haven't talked to you in so long; can only do quick updates and hugs on plurk these days :((((

[Personal] Birthday!

azurehook — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 19:15:14 GMT

Happy Birthday jaemint!!! I feel like we friended at a bad point, when I'm in and out and on hiatuses (I'm horrible, I know, feel free to smack me) and that I don't really know everything that's going on so I'm not always sure what to say. And I know you're going through a lot. I am on plurk a lot more often if you want to catch me there or if you ever want to message me, let me know ^_^ *HUGS*

I hope you can enjoy your special day with plenty of cake and good times!! <333

[FIC] Of Sexually Transmitted...

azurehook — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 05:29:12 GMT

Title: Of Sexually Transmitted...
Pairing: YunChun, JaeSu, JaeMin, HoMin, OT5
Rating: R
Genre: Smut, Crack
A/N: Yay for genderswitch! I've finally written one where they start off as boys. LOL. Anyway, a silly fun romp that I hope you'll enjoy too.

Jaejoong knows it's an emergency, because he can hear Yunho in the bathroom, noisy and cursing and clattering things into the sink and while leader is usually the first one awake, it's 3AM in the morning, way too early, even for him.

He finishes drinking his glass of water and pads over to the bathroom, knocks on the door. The noises cease at once and Jaejoong thinks he hears an intake of breath.

"Yunhoyah? You alright?"

There's no response at first, just a long exhalation of breath before the door suddenly opens and Jaejoong is startled. Is that, are those-- he finds his hands naturally reaching for them before he can even start to ask anything. Yunho swats his fingers away.

"I'm a fucking girl."

It's a riot by 6AM, Yoochun who's more awake than he should ever be at this time, Changmin looking back and forth from Yunho to his computer trying to find out if there's some reasonable scientific explanation, and Junsu babbling, joking around while Yunho looks more and more disgruntled.

Jaejoong doesn't know quite what to think, but calls their manager, tells them that no, they can't do the photoshoot today and could they go on their break a little bit earlier? He wonders if he should tell the truth to the manager (but he'd want proof and Jaejoong doesn't think Yunho would like flashing REAL boobs for a cell phone picture though Yoochun was rather convincing last time and managed to make Yunho do the fake cleavage so maybe Yoochun should convince him this time but then he realizes, fuck it's 6AM, and four guys seeing boobs this early in the morning is not a good idea considering their current state so all he says is).

"We're terribly sick and contagious," cough COUGH hack,"Yunho and Changmin both have an incredible fever and can we do the shoot for after? Junsu got a horrible rash, some allergic reaction and he's puffed up like a fish." Maybe not the most convincing, but it does the trick and he's thankful the shoot is for a photo book, not a magazine with strict deadlines.

He closes the phone shut and looks at Yunho, who seriously looks like he's about to cry. He keeps staring hard at the ceiling, his lips clenched tight and Jaejoong doesn't know quite what to do. He tugs nervously at his hair and is about to approach him when Yoochun beats him to it, just sits next to Yunho and pats her thigh, soft and gentle.

"We'll figure it out, we have time," he says, voice low and calming. Yunho's nose scrunches (oh crap, here it comes, Jaejoong thinks) and the tears burst out and Yunho grabs Yoochun, clings to him, sobs, as Yoochun easily holds him (her?), smooths his hair, and Junsu and Changmin stare.

Jaejoong feels irrationally jealous.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's been a few days and Jaejoong's brushing his teeth when the door suddenly opens and slams close. He jumps, almost swallows his toothpaste, before he realizes it's just Yunho, but wait, there's no boobs and is he back? Jaejoong spits and quickly rinses, about to hug Yunho but there's something off.

"You're back!" Jaejoong exclaims, excitement evident. "How'd it happen?" Yunho suddenly flushes, looks down. But then he suddenly snaps up and looks at Jaejoong.

"Yoochunnie, he uh, he touched me. Shit, I wasn't expecting it and then he started licking me, down there and gods, it felt so damn good and then I passed out and I woke up and, and--" Yunho's babbling, which means something is terribly, terribly wrong.
"And?" Jaejoong prompts.
"Yoochun was lying next to me, except he's. A she."

Yoochun's enjoying it way too much, teasing everyone and anyone in sight and Junsu, well, Junsu gets the worst of it, Yoochun rubs against him, whispers lewd comments in his ear, and Jaejoong really isn't all that surprised when it's only been two days and he wakes up to a horrible screeching. He opens the bathroom door to find Junsu. Or rather, a Junko.

"He, she made me touch him, I mean her, dammit, what was I supposed to do, looked at me like that, I can't believe this, I'm going to KILL hyung and now I have these breasts and I don't know what to do," but Jaejoong's been through this already, he can't take it anymore, he decides to kiss Junsu instead, works on easing the tension, slow and with plenty of tongue and when they break for air, Junsu is staring at him, pupils dark, bosom heaving gloriously.

"I'll change you back," Jaejoong says gallantly, but he knows it's nothing of the sort, fuck, he just loves how Junsu sounds, so breathy and high pitched, panting so desperately until he tastes the salt on his tongue, and Junsu collapses.

He kisses Junsu, tucks him into bed, but finds himself suddenly incredibly drowsy and stumbles, falls into a bed and sleeps.

Jaejoong wakes up to Changmin, staring at him intently. He starts and looks down at himself and notices, yes, he has boobs. Changmin's still assessing him and Jaejoong feels uncomfortable, starts to pull up the blankets. Changmin stops him.

"I guess it's my turn now," he smirks and Jaejoong has never really envied being a woman until that point when he discovers for himself multiple, quick, intense orgasms one after another, that they're real.

He wakes up worried, knowing that to complete the circle, it's Yunho's turn. Changmin seems to have already figured it out and he hears voices.

"Hyung, you have to. Otherwise, I won't turn back into a guy."
"What if I turn back into a girl again and it starts this whole ridiculous cycle?"
"Hyung, do you WANT me to stay as a girl or something? Logically, this is what we need to do."
"Why can't someone else-"

But Yunho's interrupted and there's a rustling noise and some thuds and it gets real, real quiet.

Changmin suddenly moans, hard, high, so full of want and Jaejoong can't take it; he grabs his headphones and listens to Yunho's collection of angry rock music, horrible stuff, lots of screaming, but it helps, and he's distracted.

Finally, finally it's over, except not really, because every time Jaejoong looks at Junsu, all he can think about is how hot Junsu looked in orgasm, damn, how they all looked and he wonders, wonders what it'd be like, would they like the same things, would it be better as guys because then they'd know personally what feels good and it's killing him until it all explodes, after a long stressful PV shooting and they find themselves in the public baths, late at night.

They rarely go to the baths together these days, all five of them at the same time (usually Jaejoong's gone with Yoochun or Changmin), so he doesn't quite realize the strangeness of the moment until he's seated and looks at the other members.

Yoochun almost looks passed out in the water while Changmin and Junsu seem to be bickering about something. He glances over at Yunho, who seems to be thinking of something, so he sidles over. Feeling spontaneous, he pokes Yunho's cheek, quirking a silly grin.

He expects Yunho to smile or laugh, but instead Yunho jumps, splashes water on him instead, leaving Jae to sputter and wipe at his face.

He narrows his eyebrows slightly. Yunho looks aghast and apologetic.

"Sorry Jaejoongie, you caught me by surprise."

Jaejoong sighs and leans back against the tiled tub.

"What's got you so jumpy anyway?" He's expecting something normal, like their schedule or their family but Yunho doesn't say anything, just shakes his head. "C'mon Yunho, you know it´s better just to let it out."

"...keephavingdreams."

Jaejoong furrows his brow.

"You're mumbling, I can't hear a thing. What did you say?" He leans closer to Yunho.

"I keep having dreams. And they won't go away."

"Nightmares? Maybe you need to think of other things, or solve whatever's bothering you." Jaejoong knows how stressed out leadersshi tends to get, knows that sometimes it just explodes over something small.

"Not...nightmares exactly. Just things keep happening in my dreams that aren't really helping."

"Like...?"

Yunho glances quickly at the other members and Jaejoong realizes that it must be something he wants to keep a secret from the others. He's incredibly intrigued and curious now and scoots closer to Yunho.

"Sex. Well. It starts with girls and then it changes. Gah why am I telling you this Jaejoong? Just forget it." Yunho waves his hands and shuts his mouth.

"Wait, wait, how does it change? What happens?" Jaejoong really wants to know now and feels like Yunho's being incredibly unfair to leave it at that.

Yunho sighs, long and hard and seems to be battling some internal battle before he whispers. "Guys. They become guys."

"GUY-"
"Shut up!" Yunho clamps his hand around Jaejoong's mouth and Jaejoong flails awkwardly before regaining his balance. They both look around, but Junsu and Changmin are still arguing and Yoochun is passed out.

"Anyway, yes. You heard me." Yunho looks incredibly tired and massages his forehead with his fingers.

Jaejoong isn't sure why he decides that moment, but the words come tumbling out anyway.

"I have too, with the member-um. But you know, maybe it makes sense because that's who's always around all the time? Just uh, gets ideas into our brains? It's probably not a big--" but Yunho suddenly interrupts him here with a big
"You too?! With the members too?!!"

His shout echoes in the room and they both wince and look over at the other three members. Junsu's mouth is wide open, staring and Changmin has his eyebrow raised. Even Yoochun blinks at them a bit blearily.

"What are you guys talking about anyway?" Changmin asks. He moves closer. "That it would, in fact, warrant a private conversation?" He looks straight at Jaejoong, and Jaejoong swallows, not liking the expression on Min's face at all.

"Nothing, just talking about dreams," Jaejoong responds warily.

Changmin suddenly grins.

"Ah, what was it about? Girls? Sex? Or something innocent like a pool?"
"A p-pool, that was it! I was swimming." Sweatdrops form on Jaejoong's forehead.
"Really, hyung? You know, dreaming of water means you want sex. Did you know that Yunho hyung?"

Yunho looks away and coughs. Junsu has splashed over at this point, bored of poking Yoochun and is looking between his hyungs.

"What's going on now?"
"Oh, hyungdeul want sex apparently. Of course, I hear Yunho sometimes when he's dreaming. He's rather enthusiastic."
"Changminah..." Yunho's looking pissed off and Jaejoong thinks this is really really not a good idea.

"It's only natural, right hyung? Though you did say someone's name..."
"Changmin! We're not talking about this, end of discussion." Yunho's voice is broking no arguments.
"A name?" Yoochun appears out of nowhere and leans in.

"I'm leaving. We have early schedule tomorrow so you guys should leave soon too." Yunho starts to head towards the stairs but Changmin whispers in Jaejoong's ear "It's yours," and Jaejoong finds himself grabbing Yunho's wrist, restraining him. Yunho glares at him.

"What?" he barks.
Jaejoong isn't intimidated though; he's known Yunho for too damn long to fall for that trick.
"I dream about you too," and he stands up, kisses him hard, pushing their bodies close together. Yunho struggles, tries to pull away, but Jaejoong grips him tighter and he's determined.

The fact that his dongsaengs are right there, watching, has conveniently been forgotten until now when he hears a cough and a clearing of throats.

Yoochun looks more awake than he should ever be.

"Sex times now?" His eyes glint. Junsu exclaims in typical dolphin fashion, which makes Jaejoong think of girl orgasming Junsu and his cock twitches.

Yunho seems to be struggling between escaping and wanting to stay, and Jaejoong wonders what to say.

"I have lube!" Changmin exclaims a little too enthusiastically and Jaejoong wonders if the magnae had been planning this, all along.

Jaejoong strokes Yunho's cheek gently, looks up at him, soft and tender.

"Let's fuck."
~~~
As much as Jaejoong enjoys oral, there's nothing quite like being stuffed from both ends and watching two of your dongsaengs fuck each other silly either. He sighs in utter contentment against the futon, feeling utterly debauched.

Yunho is oddly hesitant for some reason and Jaejoong thinks he's being ridiculous. He snuggles and holds his hand and doesn't let go even though Yunho startles and starts to pull away.

"Just admit it. Your subconscious wanted it anyway."

He hears a sigh and Yunho slowly moves closer, letting his hands brush up when they suddenly both realize something.

"Fuck."

Jaejoong has boobs.

~~~~~

A/N: I think I may write up the oneshot of the actual sex scene. X333