It’s a cold one this morning. I’m taking 3 of the guys with learning disabilities for a 3 day break today, praying they don’t smash the cottage up!!

Ok, to continue the challenge of supporting people with severe learning disabilities, I will concentrate on a gentleman who presents a slightly different challenge to his housemates. He is known by staff as ‘Bobson’. Of course, that isn’t his actual name, but he’s known by that name because somewhere, in the far recesses of his mind, is a memory of the great, deceased football manager, Bobby Robson. He struggles to say the full name, but he has found a unique, very comical way of pronunciation. ‘Bobson ‘.

Our staff, as a collective, all agree that if Bobson could communicate in ways that are considered ‘Normal’ by society, with full mental capacity, then he would be a gentle, loving man with an infectious sense of humour.

He has a couple of unusual habits that are, I would guess, unique to him. In fact, if anyone else has the following habits, please, please desist immediately.

Bobson is severely constipated, so to try and alleviate his predicament, he is given medication that is intended to relax the bowel and loosen the stools. Unfortunately, for him and for the staff, his bowels only open, on average , about once a week and when they do, ohhhh boyyyyyy, it’s like King Kong has left a deposit!!

Now, even though Bobson is unable to communicate his discomfort verbally, he has a couple of ways to show us through his body language. He has a habit of laying on the floor or/and settee, he very rarely sits down. So, when he is laid on the floor, he rocks to and fro, at very high speed, whilst repeating the word “Bobson “. No amount of soothing words help him. He goes into his own tormented world, rocking faster and faster, the word Bobson becoming louder and louder!!

If and inevitably when he is left alone for a short space of time, his finger gets to work. He must be extremely uncomfortable because he attempts to manually excavate the obstruction. Inevitably, he has what we refer to as ‘Poo finger’, so we are constantly cleaning his nails and fingers. However, when he self excavates, it must give him some relief because he becomes calmer and lays down near staff with a toothless smile. Unfortunately, he has another habit of trying to poke your face with his poo finger, not in an aggressive way but affectionately. Obviously, we have learnt to avoid said poo finger, which appears to amuse him because he becomes more determined to touch you!!!

The other habit he has, as I have already mentioned, is laying down. You may ask why this is a challenging habit. The answer to that is, he lays down anywhere and at any time, without notice!! For instance, a while ago, 2 members of staff took him for a walk across some fields not far from Bobson’s residence. The staff who remained with the other residents were informed that they would be gone for approximately 1 hour. Three (3) hours later they arrived back at the house looking flustered! Bobson had decided to lay down in a field and relax in the sun for over an hour. No amount of encouragement would shift him from his spot!! Eventually, he got to his feet and marched across the field towards home! However, when they came to the zebra crossing, he decided to lay down again and refused to move. The funny thing was, because he refused to move, and because the staff are not allowed to physically pick him up (Abuse!!!) the long line of traffic that had built up were at a standstill. Buses, lorries and cars were forced to wait for him 😂 until he decided the time was right to move off the crossing!!!

Obviously I can laugh about it because I wasn’t directly involved in it, but the thought of that comical incident still makes me chuckle.

Occasionally, Bobson has a moment of clarity. By that I mean about once or twice a month, from nowhere, the expression on his face changes, and for about 5 seconds he realises the cruelties of his disabilities or what his learning difficulties are and how they have affected his life, then he goes back to the life of Bobson.

We try our very best to ensure he and his housemates live as fruitful a life as possible, but when we witness the moments of clarity pass across Bobson’s face, we know we can only do so much.

I have one more resident to talk about in a final post about what I do for a living. Until then.

Before I start, I want to say I’m not looking for sympathy, it’s just easy to talk on here in this virtual world!

I’ve been having some pain in the family jewels area for about 3 months, so I’ve plucked up the courage and finally went to the docs this morning.

I was embarrassed, but better safe than sorry I guess! It was a female doctor (Awkward) but she was really nice. I explained it was a sensitive issue and she of course understood. She asked me loads of questions, some of which I didn’t expect, like did I have a sexually transmitted disease. I confirmed there was no way, then she asked me if I had trouble getting an erection! I replied by saying “What’s that”? Thankfully, she laughed and then asked me to release the lads, so to speak! After examining me (Awkward) she rang through to one of her colleagues for a second opinion.

I asked if I would need another examination from the other doctor and she replied he was busy with another patient. However, he expressed I need to check my prostrate (Oh boy) After curling up into a ball on a table she tried to take my mind off the situation by asking irrelevant questions about my hobbies. Half way through replying she quickly inserted the unwanted finger, which caused my voice to go from soprano to tenor, which made her laugh apologetically (But not me) . Anyway, I’m off for an ultra scan when the hospital ring me.

Before I left the room I said “That’ll teach me to keep my mouth shut about the pain “. Of course she insisted I had done the right thing going to see her.

I thanked her and left quickly, only to be caught up by the same doctor as I was about the cross the road outside of the surgery. I had forgotten my umbrella.

What a morning. I never thought I’d say this, but I can’t wait to start work this afternoon. A little bit of normality in an abnormal day.

Anyway, moan over!

The third gentleman I feel compelled to talk about is deemed by every member of staff to be the most capable of all the resident where I work. However, before I start to describe his complex behaviour, it is necessary for those reading this to understand that he requires as much support as the rest of his housemates, meaning his needs are equally significant because of his limited mental capacity and his very complex behaviour.

His character is different from the others because he constantly demands attention, which is something the others don’t do because they don’t have the capacity to verbally ask for anything. He verbalises his needs and demands by making a sort of high pitched growl at the same time as grabbing staff members by the hand or arm and pulling violently to show us what he requires.

However, because we have limited staff presence, his demands for attention cannot always be met, especially when another resident needs immediate, more urgent assistance. It is during those times that he displays unusual forms of displeasure. During our busiest times, when we cannot concentrate on his sole needs, he often stomps upstairs, collects all of his underpants in one fell swoop, carries them into the bathroom and dunks them into a sink full of water! He then proceeds to show all staff members what he has been ‘Forced’ to do to demonstrate his anger and frustration with ‘His’ staff. He often takes it one step further and rips a pair up in front everybody, frothing at the mouth as he puts all of his energy into his task. It is very difficult to calm him down but we manage to do it sometimes by talking to him in a calm manner, but that doesn’t always work.

When he gets into a mood, often for no immediately apparent reason, he stamps his feet around the house throughout the night, waking his sleeping housemates. He also bangs his fists against his bedroom window to let everyone know his is not happy with something. The strange, but comical thing is, after he has made enough noise to wake his housemates up, he claps and laughs, and then gets back into bed and goes to sleep!!

Another unusual practice he indulges in is showing his displeasure with ‘Tigger’ his favourite cuddly toy. He abuses poor old Tigger in every way possible, and I mean every way!! When he’s angry, he goes off to find Tigger, then stands at the top of the stairs and, with Tiggers tail, swings him around his head, often hitting the light fixture on the ceiling. We have unfortunately, walked into his bedroom on a couple of occasions to discover poor old Tigger being used in a way he was not intended for. Poor old Tigger had a smile on his face when he was brand new, and now he carries an expression that cries out for help.

Incidentally, when he has ‘Finished ‘ using Tigger, he carries him downstairs, armed with a needle and thread, insisting that someone sows up the freshly made hole!!!!

We occasionally comply with his demands to sow Tigger up, but do so with gloves on, which causes him to clap with joy.

This gentleman also has a fixation with milk. He keeps a keen eye on the milk stock, and when we are down to the last 2 litre carton, he walks around the house with it safely tucked under his arm, showing staff that he wants more milk, just in case we haven’t got enough for his love of drinking coffee (Decaffeinated)

The whole team of staff members try our utmost to try and keep this gentleman happy, because we have learnt over the years that if he gets in a very bad mood, he hyperventilates. Of course his safety and well-being is paramount, and if he puts himself in a bad mood, then it has a knock-on effect with the other residents, so they’re upset for most of the day!!

When he decides to be in a good mood then he is a delight to support, but sadly, those days are few and far between!

We all cling onto the possibility that one day, as he grows older, he will wake up one morning full of joy, and remain like that for the rest of his life. We’re waiting patiently!!

Until the next instalment.

So, to continue the account of what I do for a living, I’ll concentrate on another one of the gentlemen I help to care for.

I will affectionately refer to this gentleman as Mr Manic, because his personality is constantly erratic, sprinkled with frequent episodes of comically deranged activities (And I say that with respect and acceptance)

For instance, Mr Manic indulges in a disgusting but equally comical activity of stuffing the toilet with any and every item he can get his hands on and celebrating his ‘Victory ‘ by defecating on said items. It’s important to say at this point, that it is virtually impossible to keep an eye on him for the full 9, sometimes 15 hour shift. So, on a few occasions throughout the day, he pounces on every opportunity to indulge! Often, when staff are busy with something else, which is often, we walk past the toilet to discover cups, plates, clothes, forks and spoons spilling out over the edge of the porcelain, often decorated with freshly laid nuggets!!

Of course, this is a very challenging behaviour to deal with, but he has recently taken his manic activity to completely different level! A few months ago, when we passed the living room door, we were surprised, but not shocked to discover the resident mentioned in the previous post laying practically naked on the settee! With a straight face we asked him were his clothes were, to which he replied with a silent and vacant, confused but happy stare. We helped him to re-dress then searched for his ‘Missing in action ‘ clothes. We discovered them stuffed down the toilet, covered in familiar decoration!!! The culprit, was sitting on a chair, relaxing and humming to himself, obviously taking a breather from his exhausting activity!!!

Because of Mr Manic’s habitual activities, the house is almost bare of ornaments and pictures, especially his bedroom, which has been a victim of the full force of his compulsion to destroy anything and everything that isn’t screwed down or indestructible.

Despite his manic personality, he seems to enjoy a cuddle. I know I’m the only member of staff to use this technique but it works for me and for him, so I use it frequently. When he’s jumping around like a rabbit around the house, I’ll move closer to him and give him a big but gentle cuddle. More often than not, he reacts by placing his head on my chest and grins a big toothless grin, sometimes accompanied with a little boy giggle. It calms him down for 5 minutes or so and then it’s back to classic Mr Manic activities.

I could go on and on about him, but I’ll leave it there.

In the next post, I’ll concentrate on another resident of the house.

Until then 😊

So, I help to care for several gentlemen with extremely severe learning disabilities. Sometimes, it’s very stressful, sometimes it’s a little boring and a little tragic, but more often than not, it’s very entertaining. Please don’t think of me as a cold or callous person because I’ve used the term ‘Entertaining ‘. (Without maintaining a sense of humour, I couldn’t do this type of work) I’m referring to some of the outrageous things they get up to as unintentionally comical. I should point out that their levels of challenging behaviours fluctuate, and are often dependant on the time of day or night, the weather, their medication and how members of staff communicate with them.

One of the gentlemen, when he doesn’t have to leave the house, does very little activity throughout the day, apart from occasionally attempting to hand his carer a freshly laid nugget, if you get my meaning?! When I first witnessed this ‘Habit ‘ I was momentarily flummoxed, but somehow I managed to deal with it swiftly and without fuss. (See one of my previous blogs titled- Caring Support Work!) to get an idea of how I dealt with it. In the past, he would often throw it anywhere and everywhere. He would also go for the alternative of trying to put ‘It’ in your hand! Believe me when I say, we all learnt move very quickly to avoid the ‘Nuggets ‘. I have to admit that this gentleman is my favourite (I shouldn’t favoritise, but I really do have a soft spot for this chap) He has developing dementia, which I think is unbelievably cruel when you consider the multitude of other learning disabilities he has endured throughout his life so far.

Another habit he has is actually hiding a ‘nugget’ in one of the toy boxes in his bedroom, which can be strangely but grotesquely amusing when a member of staff is tidying his toy box up. Note to self: Always wear gloves when touching his toy box!!

This particular gentleman likes chocolate and beer (His favourite things) so most of the staff ensure he is able to enjoy 1 can of beer almost every day after eating his tea. Unfortunately, because of his dementia, he has difficulty remembering the bodily functions that most people take for granted, such as chewing his food. At most mealtimes, he regularly sits relatively still with his mouth full of food, and only starts to chew when prompted verbally or at times, when a staff member gently moves his lower jaw to begin the action of chewing. At times, when his mouth is full of food, he forgets that his mouth is actually full of food and tries to say something. It is at that point that it is a good idea to step away very quickly from the area of imminent food spray. Of course, the most important part of meal times is to ensure there is no risk of choking, which is why his food is blended, which makes the ‘Food spray’ very messy.

He also enjoys a cup of tea (Don’t we all) and asks for one every 10 minutes or so. However, he has a high sodium content, identified by his G.P, so we are instructed to try and limit his tea intake throughout the day. Of course, we do our job to the best of our ability, but it pulls on the heartstrings a little when be watches his housemates drinking when he isn’t. When he does occasionally come into the kitchen and shout “Drink” we tend to make him half a cup, which by the way, is a Tippi Cup. We discovered a long time ago, through trial and error, that everyday cups don’t work for him. He would grab at the cup of luke warm tea and pour it over his face and head, drenching himself, because he doesn’t understand the need to tip it slowly whilst it was nearly full. Hence switching to a cup usually used for infants. Many times he has grabbed an empty cup, put it to his lips and gulped as if it was full. Trying to prise the empty cup away from his steel-like grip is quite a task. In fact, we’ve found that it’s easier to let him keep his empty cup and fill a different cup with tea then swap it for him.

He’s quite a character, but he’s just one of the gentlemen we care for.

I’ll talk about them one by one in future posts. Until then 😊

So, I’m off to work later this afternoon, off to do the same things again, but with a twist of lemon!

Although I know what to expect, I can never really predict what I’ll face. If you’re familiar with this blog, you’ll know my job title is, and this is in line with my managers job description, I’m a caring support worker with elements of personal shopper, financial guardian and entertainments manager! Actually, alongside a dozen colleagues with the same job title, I’m a general ‘Dogsbody ‘.

I ‘Help’ to look after the welfare of 5 middle aged gentlemen who all suffer from extremely severe learning disabilities. Non of them can communicate in ways that would be considered by the general public as ‘Normal ‘, unless you count having human excrement being thrown in your direction as normal.

So, if I survive this afternoon, I will embellish on what I do to earn a living in a more detailed post in the near future.

Have a lovely day 😊

So, here we are at the end of a long series of blogs about our recent holiday to Side, in Turkey.

Remember when I mentioned the sub standard food in the restaurant in the first couple of posts ? Well, I forgot to mention that Shuffle was the only one out of all four of us to actually like the food!!! Thinking back, the reason behind that revelation was Probably that he ate chips or/and mashed potatoes at virtually every meal! Maybe we should have taken his lead because most of of the food was bloody awful, evidenced by the fact that lots of people left the complex to eat, and that despite the fact that it was a mostly all inclusive resort!!

My abiding memory of eating in the restaurant involved one particular evening meal! We were very near the end of the meal when Shuffle asked Grave digger (Seriously) to put his teeth in her handbag!! The very same teeth that had just noshed on chips and mashed potatoes, followed by a Sweet pudding!! I think, but I’m not sure, that Mother hen said to Digger with a look of horror on her face but with in a hushed tone “You’re never gonna put them in your bag?!” Personally, I thought it was a brilliant, innovative and hilarious request by Shuffle, but before I could witness the gruesome deed, Hen left the restaurant so I followed her, leaving Shuffle and Digger to finish the remains of their food. We (Me and Hen) got our drinks at the bar and found a table by the pool for all four of us to sit around for the evening. Shuffle and Digger joined us a few minutes later and I noticed he didn’t have teeth in his mouth when he spoke. I asked him, with my tongue touching my teeth where they were, but obviously knew what the answer was!! They were nestled safely, somewhere at the bottom of Diggers bag!!! Hilarious, pure comedy gold at its best!!

Dragging my thoughts away from the restaurant comedy, I have to mention our day trip to the sea. We used a mini bus that the holiday complex laid on, free of charge for the people who stayed at the complex. The ‘Trip’ to the beach front took approximately 5 minutes! Yes, 5 (Five) minutes!! Actually, a couple of days after our day on the beach, myself and Mother Hen walked from the exact same spot on the beach front and it didn’t take us fifteen minutes (And we strolled at that) Anyway, I digress. We set up our sun-loungers on the very hot sand, erected our parasols and applied sun cream on Mother Hen’s Hitleresk orders and then took the short walk down to the sea. We waded in together and after the initial shock of what we thought was cool sea water, once the onrushing sea was up to the waist, it was very comfortable and warming. Shuffle stayed in the sea with his carer (Me) haha for a little longer than the women, who went back to the sun loungers after about 5 minutes swimming around. Throughout the morning and some of the afternoon, all of us went intermittently in and out of the sea to escape the heat of the sun.

I felt it first, but didn’t mention it to the other 3!! Little black fish attacked my toes and heels whenever I stood still for to long on the bed of the sea. I think they were after the little pieces of dead skin that accumulate on the feet. (A person could swim out quiet a long way and still stand up shoulder height in the sea) At first it was a shock, I looked down the first time the fish nibbled my feet, but once I could see what was biting me, I felt secure that they couldn’t harm me and so I relaxed and actually enjoyed the attention from the little fish. However, when they attacked Shuffle’s feet, it was very funny!! (Sorry Stu) From swimming around in a very relaxed state, surrounded by beautiful, serene surroundings,  Shuffle took me  by surprise, shouting “Ahhh, Ahhhhhh, somethings biting me! Ahhhhh”. Then he started jumping around in the water and told me he was getting out! At that, he scarpered full pelt out of the sea and didn’t get back in again, preferring to bake in the sun rather than face the fish. Don’t get me wrong, I had sympathy for him because he had a toe amputated during an operation years ago, so it must have been painful to have little black fish chomping on the stump of his toe, but I couldn’t stop myself from laughing at his reaction (Sorry Stu) We stayed on the beach until about 3 or 4 in the afternoon, then waited for the mini bus to take us back to the complex. Lovely morning/afternoon.

Now, a few more things to document about our holiday concerning the Grave Digger. When we moved apartments on the first day of the holiday, mine and Mother Hen’s phone chargers went missing! We thought that we’d left them behind in the first apartment, so we went to reception to ask them if they would look for them for us. Anyway, we didn’t hear anything from the staff all afternoon so resigned ourselves to the possibility that somewhere in Side, a cleaner was enjoying their good fortune. However, later in the day, Digger miraculously handed said phone chargers over to Mother Hen. I pulled Diggers leg by suggesting she had tried to add our phone chargers to the two hundred she had already (Acquired) stashed away in her wardrobe back home (Jokeeee)

On another occasion, I went to the onsite shop to buy an English Sunday newspaper. I managed to check on Saturday’s football results then (Piff, paff, poof) miraculously, the newspaper disappeared!! (It cost me £5!! Somehow, it had managed to grow legs and climb into Diggers handbag!! Throughout the holiday, Digger managed to lose something of hers or Shuffles nearly every day. (I suspect everything ended up in her handbag) It’s just as well Shuffle gave her his teeth because I suspect they would have gone AWOL whilst he was eating his chips!!!

One more thing to say about our nights around the pool before I end this final post. Remember when I told you how the Grave Digger got her name, by always digging up the past? Well, when she decided to dig Shuffles past up, he would look up to the sky or anywhere else were Digger wasn’t in his view and pretend to ignore her 😂 This amused me. So, when Hen started to peck my ears, I would join Shuffle by looking into the distance and pretending to ignore her. We took it one step further and both looked up to the sky midway through normal conversations 😂 The term for looking into the distance and thinking about nothing is actually called Boketto. I informed Shuffle of the name so on a regular basis we would say “Boketto ” in unison and stare into the distance 😂😂 We had some great laughs around the pool every night. I don’t miss various items going ‘Missing ‘! but I miss those nights.

Well, that’s about it, apart from the journey home, we had a very relaxing holiday. I may have come across as taking the piss out of Shuffle, Digger and Hen, but I wouldn’t enjoy myself as much if they were not there with me.

So cheers, and here’s to the next holiday.

This is the penultimate post about our holiday to Turkey and I have lots of memories to write down in these final two posts.

Those nights sitting on the balcony of the apartment were an ideal way to end every day. As I mentioned before, looking down on the pool area with all its multi coloured lights flickering away was very relaxing. Mix that scene with the sounds of laughter from the die-hards around the pool bar and I can’t think of many better ways of rounding off the day. When the bar finally emptied it was almost completely silent, that is almost silent apart from the seismic activity that regularly caused the balcony to shake. I am of course referring to the explosions of methane gas coming from all four arses!!!

I remember the most impressive explosion came from Stu aka Shuffle and Click. One night in particular was memorable. We were all sat on the balcony and he announced that he was going to retire for the night. (It was about 1am) Now, through no fault of his own, Shuffle often struggled getting up out of his chair, regularly making 2 or 3 attempts before he could stand, accompanied with a sound effect of huaaaa huaaaa huaaa as he built up the momentum to stand. As he was beginning to stand, whilst in a semi crouched position, with his arse just clear of the seat and with his head down, he released what can only be described as a hum dinger. The bubbling noise resembled the sound you might produce if you held a wet canoe paddle against an overhead rotating fan going at top speed! (Bapapapapap) 10 people standing around a bare arse slapping it super fast would be a good description of the sound. You know how a fart normally starts sharp and loud and then quickly fades into the distance? Well this one refused to fade, the pitch and tone remained at the same level from start to finish. And it was incredibly long, I think I could have gone to the shop to buy another packet of crisps for him and return to hear the last remnants of his overture! It was the Tom Jones of all farts.

What made it funnier was that there was no expression of regret, acknowledgment or embarrassment from Shuffle, just a low chuckle as he shuffled off towards his bedroom! Unfortunately, the horrible aroma didn’t follow him to his bedroom, it hung around the balcony like a green, thick, putrid mist that attacked the lungs. HORRIFYING!!

The aroma the grave digger produced was a slight improvement (If you can call it that) but hers were quick and lively, like a Usain Bolt coming from her rear end. I actually think they snuck out without her permission because her farts took her by surprise. Immediately after she had surprised herself, she grinned without showing her one tooth (Jokeeee) nodded and then insisted she wasn’t the culprit! The aroma she produced was probably in cahoots with her grave digging mantel because it smelt like what I imagine a deceased cast member from the Living Dead series would smell like after rotting for weeks in a vat full of scrambled eggs!! Actually, the grave digger did apologise, albeit with a give away look on her face that spoke of a certain pride in her effort!

Mother hen chipped in now and again with what can only be described as a muffled air bubble escaping deep water. In fact, she would often expel gas whilst in the pool, the jacuzzi effect that surrounded her was all the evidence I needed.

As for my part in the expelling of gas party, I can only say that it’s a natural and frequent part of my everyday life. However, whilst on this particular holiday, the aroma that I created can only be described as the blooming of a rose in the throes of early spring 😊😎.

Talking of sitting on the balcony, there was one afternoon that we stood on the balcony to watch a storm come over the mountains. We had been relaxing by the pool, lazing on sun-beds when the wind picked up (Not the man made type) Gradually, the other sun worshipers left their sun-beds, picked up their towels and stood underneath the shaded area by the bar. The entertainments guy walked by and said “There’s a stormaaaa on the wayaaa”. Dark clouds rolled over the sky so we got up and went up to our balcony to get a Birdseye view of the incoming storm.

From the balcony we watched the mountains disappear under a sheet of rain and waited for it to arrive over the town. As we looked down, all of the parasols started to dance around the pool area so the staff moved quickly to collapse all of them and move them indoors. Claps of thunder accompanied the storm clouds as the rain came in. It lasted for about 15 or 20 minutes and to be honest, shuffles stupendous gas explosion was much more impressive than the storm. If Zeus had transported Shuffle to the top of the mountains and instructed him to let one go, we would have been witness to a force 10 hurricane of biblical proportions!

Ok, that’s it for this post, one more to write before the end. So, until then.

I left the previous episode (Part six) of our holiday with all four of us sat around the pool laughing about the Turkish shave incident. So, we’ll stay around the pool/bar area as I tell you about ‘Bingo Gate’ an international controversy equal only to Brexit!

The entertainments guy, the one who used “Ahh” at the end of every word, announced during one evenings entertainment that “Bingoahhh” would begin soonahhh”! After he had announced it, he moved stealthily amongst the increasingly drunken people sat around their tables, asking everyone if they would like to play. I can’t actually remember exactly how much the tickets were but they were surprisingly expensive considering it was just a holiday laugh! The price meant nothing to me personally but looking around the tables I noticed a few eyebrows lifting in jaw dropping astonishment 😂

When all tickets had been sold (Unbelievable) our host set a small cinema screen up that flapped about when a breeze caught it. He turned on his laptop and a few minutes later a numbers grid appeared on the flapping white screen. He was ready, we were ready, everybody else was ready. The numbers started to appear simultaneously on the screen as he called them out. As the numbers were called out by our host, the tension grew and every 6 numbers or so our host would irritatingly stop to ask “Is anybody closeahhh”? About 20 numbers had been called out when a female voice shouted “Earrrr” from somewhere in the darkened, makeshift bingo hall. A few seconds later a woman walked up to the host to collect her prize. The host appeared to be excited as he boomed out over the microphone “Let’s seeahhh whatahhh you’veahhh wonahhh”. The first ‘Part’ of her prize was a fishbowl. When he said “Fishbowlahhh” she became irritated and looked visibly disappointed. He looked at her and asked her what was wrong? She replied by asking , and she was serious when she said this, “How the hell am I going to get a fishbowl through customs “? Incredibly, she had no idea that a fishbowl was a very large glass of whatever cocktail she wanted! Her confusion seemed to confuse the host, (Members of the audience looked on in amazement)  who tried to explain what it was and then told her that it was just the first of three prizes that were coming her way! She also won another prize I can’t remember what and some money (I think about 40 Lire) However, she didn’t look happy as she walked back to her table, verbalising her obvious disgust at her prizes!! and that theme carried on throughout the strangest, funniest game of bingo I’ve ever been involved in. At one point, I thought a riot was going to break out as every one of the winners expressed dissatisfaction with their prizes!! To his credit, the host remained cool under enormous pressure and I could see the relief on his face when the game came to an end! Our table (Mother hen, Grave Digger, Shuffle and myself the Carer) sat back and enjoyed the pointless commotion caused by some of the holiday makers. (Sorry Mr Host) At a point just after ‘Bingo Gate’ had finished, the host came over to our table (It must have looked like a friendly place to hide) for a chat. We told him he had done very well to keep his cool and we had enjoyed it. After thanking us he told us that in all the years he had put bingo on as entertainment for the guests, he had never faced a more difficult group of people!! Of course, Mother hen tried to heal international relations by offering an apology on behalf of the English people in the ‘I want your blood ‘ crowd.

An hour or so later, after the majority of the baying crowd had disappeared, we ended our evening by retiring up to our apartment and enjoyed a cup of tea on the balcony that overlooked the pool/bar area. In fact, that’s how we ended all of our nights around the bar, sat on the balcony, witnessing the few diehards who continued drinking, forcing the bar staff to stay behind to serve them when I’m sure they would have loved to have finished their working day!! (The staff worked very hard)

Now that iv’e mentioned the balcony and the apartment, it’s worth saying that Shuffle likes his crisps. Every night on the balcony, to accompany the cup of tea, was a large packet of crisps, most of which he consumed. (This is true Stuart) In fact, at one point during the holiday, at about 3 am, Shuffle actually woke me up with the sound of him crunching crisps, which was confirmed by Mother hen, who got out of bed to use the toilet only to be met by the sight of Shuffle’s mouth crammed full of crisps, crumbs all over the floor.

I have one more episode to post, which will conclude our holiday in Turkey.

Until then.