A Conspiracy of Cartographers

ashfae @ 2016-12-30T21:46:00

2016-12-30T21:46:25Z

In light of all this, I'm importing my journal to dreamwidth, just in case. If LJ suddenly died I'd be very sad to lose all my entries, even if I don't do much in here anymore.

For DW people, I'm ashfae over there too, because predictable. =) Though I doubt I'll move back to this sort of journalling until the kids are older. It requires more than two minute stretches of time, and lately that's what I have.

ashfae @ 2015-04-25T11:28:00

2015-04-25T10:28:57Z

I honestly hadn't realized that I hadn't updated this since before the birth. I'm very sorry!

Happily in this case, it was No News Is Good News. The birth went just fine, and Chris and I now have another daughter, named Zoe Amelia. She's a super easy baby but sleep deprivation and never having two hands to type with are still the order of the day (and night), so all my internet time is pretty much reading Facebook on my phone and typing what I can with one hand. Hence the lack of updates. Very sorry about that!!

I'll put up photos when I can. But she's beautiful, and Robin is an adoring older sister so far (we're astonished). Robin is also going through the terrible twos, so things are pretty noisy around here, but cute in-between all the screaming times. Which aren't that numerous. But are very very loud. So loud. I love earplugs.

And yes, Zoe was named partly after Zoe from Firefly. No one is surprised by this, I assume. ;)

ashfae @ 2015-02-24T20:54:00

2015-02-24T20:54:05Z

C-section in one week.

Much to do.

ashfae @ 2015-01-02T22:29:00

2015-01-02T22:29:24Z

So we still don't really have a clue what to name Batgirl. Chris has a name or two he really likes but which I'm more "Hmmmmm" about, I have a name or two I like but he's more "Eh" about...with Robin I was always sure I wanted her to be Robin, even though I kept that to myself, so it wasn't anything like as difficult.

So bring on your suggestions, everyone. Silly, serious, whatever, throw names at me. I hope one we both like is out there and we just haven't run across it yet. Otherwise I'll have to fall back on Terpsichore.

(I'll be having a planned c-section, and I roughly know the day theyll aim for, so we've got eight weeks and a few days to figure this one out)

Overheard Lately: The End of 2014 Roundup

2015-01-01T23:04:18Z

Fyre: [watching Captain America 2] I want Sam and Maria to hook up, because then you could call it "What in the Sam Hill?"

Ash: [reading a maternity newsletter] "It's possible your baby can see now"...see what? It's dark in there. "Will you photograph your birth?" Dear holy God, no! Next question! "Dilemna: what can you do if strangers want to touch your bump?" Punch them in the nose!

Fyre: How to tell someone is a superspy: they get a USB in its port *the very first time*.
Ash, Chris, and Ru: [pretty much unanimously] ...that's a really good definition.

Chris: [attempts to break open a chocolate orange on his knee; winces in agony]
Ash: I shouldn't laugh at your pain, but your pain is funny.

Ash: We'll never get Robin to calm down. On the other hand, she'll probably sleep like a rock. ...how do rocks sleep?
Chris: The question isn't how they sleep. The question is, what would happen if they woke up?
Ash: Welp, there's half a book in my head now.

Ash: And so sayeth the penguin.
Fyre: Context. Who needs it?

Robin: [runs into the kitchen squeaking]
Chris: Aww, are they being mean to you?
Fyre: She's trying to beat me to death with a foam ball!
Chris: Oh? In that case, get back to it!
Fyre: ...happy new year?

Chris: Ahh, butternut squash, my old nemesis...we meet again.
Ash: If your lifelong nemesis is butternut squash, you really don't have much to worry about.
Chris: Butternut squash is not a trivial thing!

Ash: The Doctor Who special is called Last Christmas? Does he enter the Wham video and fix the relationship?
Chris: Last Christmas I gave you my heart, but it's okay because I have one left!

Ash: Can I share a minor complaint that few people but you would actually sympathize with?
Chris: That's the whole point of marriage!

Ash: I bought the new Neil Gaiman book.
Chris: What's it called again?
Ash: The Ocean at the End of the Lane.
Chris: What?? ...oh, I thought you said "Oh Shit, the End of the Line!"

Chris: [reads Caps For Sale to Robin]
Chris: His son was smarter and instead of trying to sell caps, set up a business to rent them out for a penny a day. He changed his name to match the business: Capulet.
Ash: That one was beautiful.

Ash: The one in Cameron Toll isn't a Royal Bank of Scotland?
Chris: No, it's just a plebian Bank of Scotland.

Ash: Behold, the sky itself doth smile upon this donut!

Ash: I like these socks. I don't want to give up on them just because this one has a hole.
Chris: Darn it.
Ash: I hate you.
Chris: Sew what?
Ash: Arrrrrgh! Stop needling me!!
Chris: I think I've lost the thread of this conversation.

Ash: No, Chris. There will be no bat and ball games inside the house, not even with a squid.

Ash: Is it terrible that I'm teaching Robin colors using the buttons on an Xbox controller?

Chris: If you made a Philip K. Dick cake, would it be Icing the Body Electric?
[after the internet tells us we had the wrong author]
Chris: Awww. A Ray Bradbury cake just isn't as funny, somehow.
Ash: A Walt Whitman cake would be pretty cool, though.

Ash: [to Robin] Not the glasses, love, we've had this conversation.
Chris: A conversation requires that both parties understand what's being said.
Ash: Allow me the illusion that I have some control here.
Chris: No. No, that's a dangerous illusion.

Ash: There there.
Chris: Thanks.
Ash: Would you like me to be more condescending?
Chris: No, that was sufficient.

Robin: [not wanting her diaper changed]
Ash: You cannot escape your fate. It is your destiny to have a drier butt than you currently possess.

[Background: When I was two, my family was in a restaurant and I dropped a plate of spaghetti all over the floor. I've never been allowed to live this down. Today...]
Robin: [dropping spaghetti everywhere, mostly on herself and me]
Ash: Please stop putting pasta in my cleavage, kid.
Mom: This is intensely karmically satisfying.

Chris: If someone designed a scale just for young children, would be a scale of one to ten?

Ash: The tests finally came back, and astonishingly the bug that sent me back to the hospital was NOT Mothra. Mothra is dead after all; this was its evil cousin Moraxella out for revenge. Personally I think moraxella sounds like an evil pizza topping.

Ash: Kid, you've got to eat more than just cheese for dinner.
Chris: She had two pieces of pasta.
Ash: How does that mitigate the problem?
Chris: In a purely mathematical sense. She *has* had more than just cheese. Technically.

Ash: She's eating shredded cheese with a nutmeg grinder.

Ash: Saw Robin today, after three days apart, the first we've ever been separated overnight. Her reaction? "What's that? Oh, it's just Mom. Back to this really important truck thing I'm playing with."

Ash: The only thing more astonishing than the fact that I cooked dinner is the fact that Robin is eating it with almost no protest.

Ash: Is there time for tea before we need to go?
Chris: If there's not time for tea, the terrorists have won.
Ash: What if the terrorists drink tea?
Chris: Then they aren't terrorists.

[Dragon Age: Inquisition quotes (no spoilers, for those concerned)]

Chris: Hmm, there's a bear following me...
[mucks about in a cave, which contains a very silly map]
Chris: Aaaaah, bear!!!
Ash: Why is this a surprise? You just said one was following you.
Chris: I didn't think it'd follow me all the way into the cave!
Ash: Maybe it lives there.
Chris: I doubt it.
Ash: Why, because you don't think it could have drawn that map?
Chris: That's one reason, yes.
Ash: The bear is pissed that you're maligning its artistic abilities.
Chris: What can I say. I'm a harsh critic. [sets bear on fire] Ash: No kidding!

Chris: Where'd that bear come from?
Ash: It's a bear. It's in the woods. What it was doing should be obvious.

Ash: Orlais is very, very French.
Chris: Mais oui.
Ash: I refuse to admit that you speaking French is sexy.
Chris: Quelle dommage.
Ash: You're just milking it now.
Chris: It would be more appropriate to say that I'm 'lait'ing it on thick...

[DAI character]: Convince them that you are not a demon to be feared!
Chris: I'm seven feet tall with horns. That's going to be difficult.

Ash: [about Chris' Qunari character, who is Tall] Chris, everyone's face is at your breasts!
Chris: [happily] I know!

Ash: I already have a lot of headcanon for this character.
Chris: ...oh, headcanon with one N! I though you meant head *cannon* and it was the strangest helmet enhancement ever.

Chris: It's just occurred to me that Josephine is carrying a clipboard with a candle attached. It's a primative Kindle!

Chris: Damn it, stop killing my people!
Ash: I think you misunderstand the concept of "video game opponents".

Chris: "The Desolate Bank."
Ash: Yes, that's not depressing at all.
Chris: Maybe it means desolate as in alone. Bank? A loan?
Ash: ...that one physically hurt me.
Chris: Excellent. You know my criterion for a good pun.

Chris: Why are there demons around here?
Ash: It's Dragon Age. There are demons around everywhere.

Ash: Where did all these giants come from?
Chris: Other giants.
Ash: All right, now we're even.

Ash: [examines a monster] It's called a Gurn, apparently.
Chris: And it's vulnerable to fire. Which means happiness is a warm Gurn.
Ash: ...you thought of that ages ago and have just been waiting for a setup, haven't you?
Chris: I've been sitting on it for TWO WEEKS. It was worth it. It was so worth it.

Ash: I'm about to ride this deer over the edge of a canyon. I hope you're right about them not dying in the game.
Chris: Don't worry. Harts are difficult to break.

[Hobbit quotes (mild spoilers)]

Bilbo: The eagles have come!
Ash: I don't think Don Henley is going to be very useful in this scenario.

Mom: I only count four armies. What's the fifth one?
Ash: It's supposed to be the eagles. But as far as this film is concerned, it's Legolas.

Ash: Batgirl is kicking *really* enthusiastically. I think she's saying "Lemme outta here! I wanna kick orc butt!"

ashfae @ 2014-10-31T10:27:00

2014-10-31T10:27:39Z

I was glancing through past entries, trying to find a particular one/see if I'd posted a particular thing. Dear lord all my entries from the past year/year and a half are depressing.

Um. I promise there've been a lot of good times and things, too, for what it's worth. Honest. It's that lately I'm mostly on Facebook, and I come here for ranting. The hilarious/joyous moments stay over there, or get collected and posted all at once in Overheard Lately entries.

But to give you some of the nifty things from lately, The Saga is finally for real this time drawing to a conclusion; we've found a system of asthma medication that's working, and I've been doing a lot more walking lately and am very happy about it. Yay, exercise! (at least, by recent standards). I start work again on Monday (third try; I ended up signed off again last time).

I'm feeling and looking a LOT more pregnant, which admittedly is a mixed blessing. My 20 week ultrasound was recently, and Batbaby appears healthy, and is a girl. =) Which I'd started hoping for despite always having said/thought I wanted one of each, so I'm quite pleased about that.

Mom came to visit, partly because she thought (correctly) that I/we needed looking after given recent events. This was both incredibly helpful and a huge pleasure. She got to play with Robin a lot; Robin still doesn't like anyone touching her or picking her up aside from a few uber-trusted ones, but she enjoyed playing with Mom and knows to call her 'Oma'. (German for grandmother, and the nickname Mom chose for herself). In small pleasure, Mom and Chris and I all went for afternoon tea at the Balmoral and spoiled ourselves silly with decadent treats. Which were decorated with tiny ghosts for Halloween. They were very cute.

Best, while Mom left this morning and that's rather sad, she'll be back again in six weeks for Christmas. So soon! =) I've seen a lot of my parents this year and it's definitely been the best part of the year.

As another neat thing...we failed to get to Florida for one last trip before the baby's born (won't get back to the States for years, traveling on planes for 18+ hours with one toddler was bad enough and we can't face the prospect of doing it with a toddler and a baby). We failed to get to Germany to see my brother and meet his wife. We even failed to make it to bloody Cambridge, which was the next crackpot hope. But we damn well are going to get down to York for just a couple days of holiday and I'm really looking forward to it. We both love York, it's a neat place to be and I have some nifty friends there, we have a little money to splurge on a nice place to stay in the center of town, booyeah.

The Saga, er, sagaing?

2014-10-15T13:04:34Z

Things are certainly improving. I'm back at work today! YAY! No one was really sure if I should start again yet, but so far so good.

And Mom's come to visit MOM MOM MOM MOM I'm so happy to see her. =) =) =)

I still have a lot of trouble, especially with coughing; can't tell if the coughing is because of the asthma, because I have a cold, or just because I've been coughing for months and my throat is a wreck. Or a combination thereof. Hmmm.

In short, I'm tentatively resuming normal life and seeing how I get on. At least, as normal as life gets when you're almost five months pregnant. Meeep!

The Saga STILL Continues

2014-10-06T20:05:39Z

So, after getting out of the hospital, I stayed home less than 48 hours before going back. That was exciting, in a thoroughly uncomfortable sort of way.

Turns out that in addition to (or perhaps because of) Mothra and Moraxella the Infections of Doom, I now have asthma. It might be temporary; that's pretty common in pregnancy. But it's probably been complicating things, and hit hard a few days ago. When I went back in, I couldn't really talk or walk much (one woman kept asking why I hadn't gone to A&E instead; erk?). They gave me lots of steroid antihistamines to clear out my lungs and a shiny new inhaler to use twice a day (the old inhaler--heh, all of three weeks old--is now the relief one) to help keep things under control in the future. Stayed in for another three nights and just got released today.

For those of you who'd been concerned/interested...it was prednisone they put me on. It wasn't a decision made lightly, I did some research and talked to several doctors (including Mom, who I woke up at 3am, yikes, poor Mom) first. It was a short oral dose though (finishes tomorrow), and brief enough that it shouldn't hurt the baby, especially at this stage. So hopefully no harm done. And there's no denying its effect on me was dramatically good. The difference between morning-me and evening-post-prednisone-me was astonishing. Breathing! It's a great habit! Anyway, I think spare me the horror/worry stories, please, because unfortunately it's a done deal now. Ultimately, there wasn't much choice; my other options were few, and it wasn't going to do anyone any good if I couldn't breathe decently. Or even half-decently. Edit: Actually, I was wrong! It's Prednisolone they put me on, which is similar but not quite the same thing. Huh.

Speaking of the baby, I got a super-quick ultrasound while I was in just so they could check on it. Not only is the baby's heartbeat entirely healthy, it's, and I quote, "Dancing around like Michael Flatley." If Riverdance is still around when it's old enough to join, career sorted.

So I'm back home again. I have a new normal to get adjusted to. Theoretically I was supposed to go back to work today; appointment with my GP tomorrow to talk about when that's actually likely to happen, and to get All The Letters to send to work, the gym, and United Airlines. That's a nifty detail; Mom is coming to see us! She was heading out to Germany to visit my bro anyway, and Chris' parents are going out of town for two weeks, which is tiring at the best of times, which these manifestly aren't. In addition to everything that's been going on with me, Chris was left largely alone to single-parent Robin, who of course decided it was the perfect time to get several ear infections and have two nights where she threw up. Gyaaaaah poor Chris. So we're really relieved Mom is coming to lend a hand. Plus, grandmother time for Robin. Yay! And if my GP sends United a letter explaining what's up with me, they won't charge her for the ticket change. Yay again.

I say this a lot, but it deserves repeating: DEAR GOD I am so lucky to live here. In the States I would now be very broke and very fired. Instead I've been well taken care of in the hospital, and my job is super-supportive and determined that I be completely healthy before coming back. It's fricking amazing. Thank you, taxes; I will happily pay you forever.

The Saga Continues

2014-10-02T13:32:44Z

So for those of you not on Facebook? Things got more interesting.

I spent the past five days in the hospital with breathing problems. Actually that's a bit more dramatic than what happened, it's not as though I was constantly hooked up to oxygen or something. But it was labored enough that they wanted to keep a close eye on me and use nebulisers to give my lungs regular direct medication for a while. Two days in the middle were pretty bizarre.

That said, things did eventually improve (largely thanks to more antibiotics), and I'm out! YAY! HOME! So glad to be back.

The tests revealed that it wasn't Mothra, but yet ANOTHER bacterial lung infection, this one called Moraxella Catarrhalis, a name I find vaguely hilarious (the evil pizza infection!). Conclusion: having a compromised immune system (thanks to pregnancy, in my case) royally sucks, and if there are any anti-vaccers reading, I'm going to throw essays about herd immunity at you until you reconsider your stance.

So now I'm back to where I was when I last posted, really. My breathing is much improved though not 100% (still can't walk around or do much without getting short of breath), I cough a ton and produce enough mucus to make several sequel films to the Blob. Exercise beyond walking up and down the block, slowly, is off the cards for the moment.

But I'm hoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooome. =)

Save your sympathy for Chris, though. My time in the hospital was tedious but not that bad (the food was even edible); meanwhile he was here alone with Robin, who of course picked then to get sick and throw up in the middle of the night. Meeeeeeep poor Chris!!! My in-laws have been lifesavers as always during the days, taking her on non-nursery days so Chris could get a break. They're going to France for two weeks in a bit, and Mom is going to come out and look after us then, which is a big relief to everybody. Hopefully I'll be better by then, but since this has been going on for almost two months, I'm not counting on it and neither is anyone else.

For now, back to computer games. I managed to do dishes and put clothes in the laundry, and that's exercise enough for the moment. Baby steps, Fae.

...that's a silly saying, really. Robin takes baby steps, and technically they're small, but she does so many of them so fast that she covers a lot of distance! Rather contradicts the spirit of the saying. ;)

ashfae @ 2014-09-26T21:14:00

2014-09-26T20:14:25Z

Right...let's catch up.

I mentioned a weird chest cold thing about a month ago. It wasn't. It turned out to be haemophilus influenzae, which despite the name is not a type of flu. Don't google it, it just looks scary. Long story short, I had a seriously problematic bug (I nicknamed it Mothra). It's been kicked by antibiotics now, but has left me with a charming, temporary (please god let this be temporary) case of acute asthma (or something very like it). The sort that means you pause to breathe when going up stairs, and walking two blocks becomes a major event, and wheezing is a way of life. I've been off work for weeks; I'm signed off until at least October 8th and possibly longer. (if I were in the States, I'd be so fired, oh god; my boss is being wonderful, thank heavens)

On the other hand, I'm sleeping at night now. And a lot during the day. Still coughing, but not as much and not with anything like the repetitive frightening violence of what was happening before. Dad was visiting, and insisted we both sleep with our bedroom doors open so he could hopefully hear if I started dying of asphyixiation in the night. Um. Not a joke. It's been a very strange month.

Things are improving, but so slowly. It's not just impatience, I'm kind of scared. Oddly, I wasn't before, probably because I didn't really believe things were serious as opposed to just incredibly annoying. (and in fairness I was probably right about that, though we did a ton of tests to make sure of the fact) (and it was epically annoying/frustrating, especially during the periods of No Sleep Ever)

My worry is that I'm not exercising at all, haven't for over a month. And I'm four months pregnant. That ain't good. I need to rest, but...merggg.

I was wondering if anyone has any advice. Some of you have asthma, I know, of a more chronic form than whatever this muck is. Mine doesn't seem to have triggers the way proper asthma does, it's just constant. (yes, I have an inhaler, and it's getting used religiously; I'd be in trouble without it) I was thinking about trying just some light yoga at home. Something. Stretching without hard breathing being involved, since breathing requires negotiation lately unless I'm sitting still. I'm trying to walk a bit every day but it's so hard to know when I'm overdoing it. Mom's told me to behave like when I was recovering from the Caesarian, and walking around the block was an exciting achievement. Merf.

We've had help. My in-laws watch Robin every other day, and Dad was here visiting for two weeks; not much of a vacation for him but he was invaluable company. For a lot of it, Chris and Robin went to stay in Dalkeith (first time I've been separated from her overnight since she was born) and Dad and I stayed home. Everyone slept better that way. They're back home now, and Dad's back in the States, and we're managing, though Chris is exhausted.

We hired someone to come clean the house. This was a really, really good idea.

I just wish I knew how long this was going to last, and could make it easier for Chris. There's so little I can do right now. I read a lot.

The good news is that Batbaby seems to be thriving despite all this chaos. Moves around a lot and has a healthy heartbeat. Robin can point at my stomach and say "Baby!" But she also points at her teddy bear's stomach and says that, so I rather doubt she's got it.

Overheard Lately: Puns, Robin mischief, and sausages

2014-08-27T15:19:28Z

Ash: Currently making a poster for a book called "Latest trends in ELF research". I'm sure you can imagine where my mind went.

Ash: I've just said "Well pour milk on my head and have me for breakfast!" I think this needs to permanently enter the vernacular. It becomes even worse when you know that we were talking about being flaky.

Ash: Have just tried to explain to a student that stamps need to be licked in order to stick. She still doesn't believe me and is using a glue stick. /feeling old now

Ash: Today was brought to you by the letter K, the number 0, and the lesson "Being a grownup is bloody difficult sometimes."

Ash: There's a certain irony in a librarian who's lost her voice telling people to shush.

Chris, while cleaning: "Huh, unexpected squid."

Ash: Go back to sleep, kid. You should only wake up at six on a Saturday for cartoons.

Robin: [ponderously munching on pasta]
Chris: [walking in with a strainer full of peas]
Robin: [face lights up as thought the circus has just shown up on Christmas Day to escort her to Disneyland] BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAA!!!!!!!!!!
Ash and Chris: [collapse in helpless laughter at the sight of such enthusiasm]
Robin: [doesn't understand why parents haven't yet given her the Food of the Gods]

Ash: Looks like she has another cold. If she gives me this one too, I'm going to cry.
Chris: It's okay, you already have one. It'll protect you. If the new one tries to invade, they'll fight it out.
Ash: I'm not sure viruses work the same way as demon possession in Buffy does.

Ash: I want to have a party where people make sock puppets!
Chris: You should let people join in online, too. Except then how will you know they're who they say they are--
Ash: Stop while you're ahead, sweetheart.

Ash: So Robin was messing around on her keyboard earlier, and started playing the first several notes of the Death March. We're kind of scared now.

Chris: I was trying to feed her houmous and it all went horribly wrong!!

Ash: I can't wait until she's old enough to play games.
Chris: She already plays games. They just don't involve set rules.
Ash: I can't wait until she's old enough to play games we have a chance of winning.

Chris: I keep misreading sew-ers as sewers.
Ash: That's because your mind is in the gutter.
Chris: ...all right, I asked for that one.

Chris: [to Robin] No, you can't go see the dog. The dog is gone. It's a doggone shame.
Ash: Argh!
Chris: Well, it is! It's the definition of a doggone shame!
Ash: Aaaaaargh.

Ash: Dear patron: No, I'm afraid that charging you overdue fees does not count as immoral capitalism. Nice try. Yours, the library assistant

Robin: [plays keyboard]
Chris: She's invented serialism!
Ash: She was probably inspired by her breakfast.
Chris: Ow.
Ash: You just wish you'd thought of it first.
Chris: ...yes.

Ash: [to internet] Sorry, book reviewer, but I can't take your opinion seriously if you can't spell Shakespeare's name correctly.
Chris: Well, neither could Shakespeare.
Ash: ...damn. That's me told.

Video Game Narrator: The smell of death is strong here...
Ash: Of course it is! You're in the Dead Bog!

Robin: *plays with Chris' phone*
Ash: You did turn that off before giving it to her, right?
Chris: ...no?
Ash: She's going to make an international phone call. And when she does, I will laugh.
Chris: *laughs this off*
[later]
Chris: Er. It looks like she called someone in France...
[turns out it was Chris' sister, who found this hilarious]

Ash: Where's her other shoe?
Chris: Here. Don't worry, the other shoe hasn't dropped.

Chris: Slugs are the Tesco Value version of snails.

Ash: Just realized that I have Aerosmith's "Love in an Elevator" in my head, but with the lyric "Love in an Alligator" instead. Not sure what this says about me.

Ash: [babbling at Robin] You're going to have to let me leave the room eventually, kiddo, because I need to get dressed. It might look like I'm dressed, but I'm not really, because these are pajamas. I'm not really wearing clothes. ...*evil impulse* *whispers* They're wearing me!
Chris: .....AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!

Masterchef: That venison needs to come alive!
Chris: No! No, it doesn't! It's not going to come alive! It is an ex-deer! No zombie venison!!

Dad: Flights delayed by weather, no one knows what's going on.
Ash: So everything is up in the air in that nothing is up in the air?

Ash: Aaaaaaaaaahh, I'm being stalked by a giant milkshake!!!

Ash to co-worker, talking about the weather: "I meant to run to the store after work, but I wonder if instead I should just go to the corner shop for milk--"
[thunder rumbles ominously from dark, dark skies]
Ash: "...and then hide."

Ash: Robin seems to have this incredible love of trying to push her dad over. Maybe we should skip Hansel and Gretel when the time comes for fairy tales.

Chris: [long rant about how the caption associated with an unimportant picture of a cute cat is factually inaccurate]
Ash: Yes, I understand that this post is wrong.
Chris: Good. It's important to know that things are wrong.
Ash: You must have such trouble with the internet
Chris: ........[pathetically] I do!
Ash: Insert XKCD quote here.

Robin: [piles stuffed animals and such all over Ash]
Chris: She's got you all dolled up!

Went to a session to learn how to make class resource lists. My fake list was An Introduction to Gibberish, with sections on Balderdash, Gobbledegook, and Fiddlefaddle. I'm not sure I should be allowed to do these things.
An introduction to the language of the Gibbers, with extensive dabbling in associated jibberjabber.
If you right click on a link and select 'Open in new tab', you will be able to alternate between tabs to ensure you are in the right place. Note that this only works for this resource list; if you are physically in the wrong location, i.e. dangling over an alligator pit, right-clicking will not help you.
Balderdash is a dialect used exclusively by the bald and the dashing. So, Patrick Stewart.
Contrary to popular belief, Gobbledegook is not spoken by turkeys.

Fyrie: I was wallpapering the hall and one of the strips fell on my head.
Chris: Did you say 'This is pasted on my head yay!'?

Robin: *pushes toys down a ramp*
Chris: *puts a sheep at the top* Quick! Ramming speed!

Robin: *stares at a small sliver of wardrobe mirror*
Ash: *slides the wardrobe door closed, turning small sliver into lots of mirror*
Robin: *is manifestly delighted*
Chris: It's a mirrorcle!
Ash: *contemplates divorce*

Ash: [happily playing Final Fantasy X]
Chris: Reach out, touch fayth!

Ash: [to a friend] Oh good, you are that Mark. I thought you were but there are something like ten Marks on my Facebook friends list and I'd gotten confused.
Chris: So you got good Marks out of ten?

Ash: Personally I'd be terrified to attend a George R. R. Martin book signing. Isn't he contractually obligated to kill one out of every one hundred fans or something?

Ash: Sausages are hard to take seriously.

Ash: So what should we nickname this one? Prelude? Prologue?
Chris: Preposition?
Ash: Participle?
[this goes on for a while]
Ash: You know this conversation is moot, right?
Chris: Why?
Ash: We have a Robin. That means that inevitably, whether we like it or not, this one is going to be Batman. Or Batbaby. Once it's in your head it's stuck there.
Chris: ...damn. You're right.
Ash: Unless it's twins, of course. Then I vote for Prefix and Suffix.

So yes, for those of you who stuck around until the end of the post: the twelve week ultrasound was this afternoon; Batbaby looks healthy so far, is energetic as hell, and is due in March. And now you know. =)

ashfae @ 2014-05-30T15:41:00

2014-05-30T14:41:33Z

Oh thank god the new version of livejournal included a "Switch back to the old version" link.

ashfae @ 2014-03-12T14:41:00

2014-03-12T14:41:22Z

I'm not checking this lately, as was no doubt obvious; I'm not even managing to read entries, much less write my own. It's all about Facebook, because that's the thing I can do in lots of two-minute intervals, which are usually all I have to spend (or at least, when I have longer intervals I have other things I need to use them on). Blame parenting and general tiresome being a grown-up-ness. Sorry, guys. =(

Overheard Lately: Thor 2, Diablo 3, and Les Mis: the Parental Edit

2014-01-10T01:49:57Z

Ash: [arrives home from work]
Robin: [looks up from kitchen floor and smiles hugely]
Ash: Hey there, sweet girl!
Robin: [starts crawling towards the front door and blows a raspberry]
Ash: [blows a raspberry back]
Robin: [blows another raspberry while making rapid progress across the floor]
Ash: This is the mother-daughter equivalent of two lovers running towards each other in a sunny field, isn't it.
Chris: Pretty much.

Robin: [bangs door against radiator, making an interesting booming sound]
Ash: We should probably stop her from doing that.
Chris: She'll get bored with it eventually.
Ash: Have you met children?
Chris: I was trying to make you feel better about it.

Ash: [playing video games] I'm drawn to things that kill other things quickly.
Chris: Why are you dating a vegetarian again?
Ash: Hey, you totally decimate parsnips.

Ash: She's put a duck down my cleavage!

Ash: [singing] You are my sunshine, not my only sunshine, but you make me happy when skies are grey which is fortunate because they're grey a lot, you'll never know, dear, except you will because I'll tell you, how much I love you, do not take my sunshine away except this is Scotland and we haven't got any anyhow...
Chris: [in almost physical pain from the scansion]

Ash: I'm trying to come to terms with my new identity as a mattress.

Ash: [to Robin] No, don't take my nose! Without it I'll smell terrible!
Chris: [gives Ash a look]
Ash: Everyone knows the joke anyway, I figured I'd skip the middle part.

Chris: Can I have more of the duvet?
Ash: Sure. Need more sheets as well?
Chris: No, thanks.
Ash: So I don't have to give a sheet?

Ash: You probably want to avoid the bathroom for a few minutes.
Chris: [ignores this] [farts while he's in there]
Ash: ...or you could add to the smell.
Chris: I was trying to neutralize it. Alas, two pongs don't make a right.

Ash: Did Beall's close?
Dad: No, it just moved.
Chris: That's all right then. It's not the be-all, end-all.

Chris: Find a less punny way of telling your dad he's out of thyme.

Dad: Isn't there a jar of thyme over there?
Chris: There's a jar, but no thyme in it.
Ash: Of course not. You can't put time in a bottle.
Dad: Thank you, Jim Croce.

Dad: Probably because I don't like thyme.
Ash: Stop setting up puns before my brain explodes!

Robin: [whimpers]
Chris: I think that's a baby with existential angst.
Ash: What else can you expect after all this talk about not having any time?

[After days of lovely warm sunshine, we wake in Florida to find rain and cold]
Chris: Finally, some proper weather!
Ash: ...are you nuts?

Chris: There's a two-player option in this.
Ash: I don't think I'm interested in Diablo 3, thanks all the same.
Chris: Smite monsters. Get loot. Smite more monsters with the loot.
Ash: ...damn it, you know me too well.

Diablo opening: [Girl shouts as her uncle is hit by a fireball]
Chris: If you cry "Uncle!" at the beginning of the game, I think that counts as giving up too early.

Diablo dialogue: "I am not your enemy...I have come with a warning...the darkness is coming..."
Ash: That's the most useless warning I've ever heard.
Chris: I spent the last fifteen minutes fighting undead. We know the darkness is coming.
Ash: Also you can say it anytime during the day to reference the fact that night is coming. Go back to Ominous Warning School, stranger.

Ash: Why do you have a glowing jellyfish over your head?
Chris: It's a blessing.
Ash: What kind of god gives out glowing jellyfish as blessings? The Flying Spaghetti Monster?
Chris: Would you prefer a halo?
Ash: Heck no, this is much better! I want one!

[Diablo character]: Our bargain stands. Follow me to my sanctum.
Ash: You have a sanctum? You *must* be evil.

Ash: That sword brings new meaning to the idea of ridiculous weaponry.
Chris: It's not that ridiculous. You've seen the replica of William Wallace's sword.
Ash: I wasn't referring to the length. I was talking about the fact that it seems to be a vampiric lava lamp in sword form.
Chris: Oh, right.

Ash: God created Saturn. And he liked it, so he put a ring on it.
Chris: Actually many gods must have liked it, because it's got a lot of rings.
fyrie: Many planets are popular.
Chris: Especially Jupiter. The great red spot? Intergalactic herpes. Her gravity brings all the asteroids to the yard.
Ru: Damn right they're bigger than yours.

[after staying up far too late]
Ash: Why are we stupid?
Chris: If we knew the answer to that, we wouldn't be stupid.

[Thor 2]
Ash: Why do people always say "Bury it deep, somewhere where no one will ever find it" as though such places actually exist?
Chris: Yeah, they'd do much better to stash it in a warehouse somewhere.
Ash: In a dusty corner under a tarpaulin. No one would ever spot it.

Frigga: I'll never tell you where she is!
Bad guy: I believe you. [smites]
Ash: ...uh, you can sense the stuff in her blood, and she's right around the corner. Are you blinded by plot?

Ash: Oh no! The plot holes are aligning!

[after an interesting evening involving emergency rooms]
diotina: I can't believe how calm you are.
Ash: I don't have time to freak out right now. I'll do it later.

Ash: I think I procrastinated freaking out for so long that I now don't have to do it. Win?

Ash: Dear Robin: The secret of popularity is, apparently, to smear yourself all over with yogurt and banana. I'm sure you'll find this useful in high school. Love, your mom

Ash: Three rings for the Elven kings under the sky
Five for the baby girl on her floor of linoleum
Seven for the dwarf lords in their halls of stone...
No, hang on a minute, something's not right there.

Chris: Happy somebody almost killed the king day!

Ash: Today's Robin update brought to you by "Kid, we're so happy that you've had some food and water that you can do all the button mashing you want...but you still can't print page £*74!Q8ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ because it doesn't exist, sorry."

[Chris is accompanying a medley of Les Mis songs for the next Vets concert. He practices it at home. I, of course, sing along. Except that making up words as I go is more fun than singing the originals. Sometimes he joins in. Today we ended up with these:]

Chris: I dreamed a dream in times gone by
When I could sleep until eleven
I dreamed that babies never cried
I dreamed a lot, and it was heaven!

Ash: But the Robin wakes at night
With her cries as loud as thunder
As she tears our sleep apart
'Cause she wants us both to waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake uuuuuuuuuuuuuup!!!

Chris: Can you hear your parents sing?
Singing a very dorky song
It is a song sung by two people who have not slept for too long...

Ash: Whoa. So much gilt. Why is he wearing so much gilt?
Chris: Eh, he's just generally gilty.

Chris: [playing Assassin's Creed 4] From one perspective, this game is about a *really* dedicated folksong collector...

In actual news, I have a nasty case of bronchitis and no voice. Actually no voice, I can only whisper. As my largely-deaf dad is visiting, this makes communication interesting. Mostly I pull out my laptop and type at him. That's amusing, but being sick is very boring and I'd like to be well now, please. Not least because my birthday happened in there and I slept through the whole thing in a feverish daze. We postponed cake and presents until I'm better. I'm not better yet, but I'm better enough to be impatient!!

crosspost from FB, details later

2013-11-03T10:35:41Z

Adventures in Parenting news:

Through a mixture of perfect bad timing, Robin managed to pull a mug of new-made (and thus just boiled) hot tea over herself last night. The short version: she's going to be fine, I spent the night with her at the hospital but she's already been discharged, the scalding is all pretty superficial and there will hopefully be no scarring at all (only one blistered area, on her chest, about the size of a two-pound coin). No nursery until she's healed, so two weeks or so, which is going to make the next two weeks interesting workwise. But as disasters go, that went about as smoothly as possible. In part, apparently, because Chris and I reacted to the incident *exactly* right and prevented it from being a lot worse.

In conclusion: first aid training for the win, NHS even more for the win (I don't even want to think about what the last 14 hours would have been like in the States), Robin for the win (she's already back to her happy, curious self, though seeing her high on nasal morphine was rather hilarious), and I am going the fuck to bed now.

P.S. In odd ironic news: the time when the accident happened was almost exactly, to the hour, when I went into labor a year ago. Hell of a way to celebrate your upcoming birthday, kid.

ashfae @ 2013-10-22T21:31:00

2013-10-22T20:31:47Z

So, let's catch up a bit. There've actually been a number of big life decision type things going on lately, on top of the usual chaos.

We went to Florida to see my dad; baby's first major bit of travelling. She did brilliantly, frankly, very little crying either way. Got cranky about being trapped in the same place for seven hours, but heck, so was I. She slept on the planes, too, which is more than Chris or I managed, alas. Jetlagged hit us all a lot harder (both going and coming back) than we expected, though, and Robin happily waking up at 3am and thinking it was morning did not exactly help. We've been back a week and are still all struggling to get back to something like normality.

It was a good trip, though. The main goal was for Dad to get some granddaughter time, but there were two other underlying serious motivations. First, at least one of the people I very much wanted her to meet (my great-aunt Eloise, who's sort of another grandmother to me and who I love very much) is, I think, beginning to go downhill. I just wanted to be sure she got to meet Robin before she dies, I can't count on there being another chance. She's hanging in there, but she also fell and broke her ribs several months ago and it was a bit mucky for a while (she certainly was depressed and sure she was out of time then, though she's cheerier now). Second, Dad (and the family) are finally, for real, doing up the beach house to sell. Which is long overdue in many ways, and it may take ages to actually sell. The market for houses on the beach is not great, even on Amelia Island, which is sort of half locals and half Extremely Rich People's Beach Homes (Stephen King's currently building one, apparently; so surreal).

I kinda hope it does take a long time, I admit. I love that house. My grandparents bought it before I was born. There are pictures of me there when I was younger than Robin is now; I got to sit in a rocking chair holding her, and know that my mom and grandmother had sat in the same chair rocking me. That was special to me. Also, let's face it, it's a house on the beach with a pool holy shit and we get to go stay there for free and hang out? What's not to love here? On some of those 3am jetlag mornings I took Robin out to watch the sun rise over the ocean. Nice. =)

At the same time, whoa, keeping an eye on her was exhausting. She learned a number of new tricks, including climbing stairs. But at night Dad would keep an eye on her as she slept, and Chris and I got to go out on mini-dates for ice cream, or to sneak into the Ritz Carlton and hang out in the sports bar playing pool. Whoo!

Another project while I was there was, again, for the last time, going through boxes. They're down to 8-9, many books but mostly miscellany of irreplaceable things. A lot of photos, and I spent time going through some of Dad and Mema's photo albums and scanning pics of my own childhood and their life before me so I'd have digital copies. Surreal, and thought-provoking, particularly in light of me now being part of the chain rather than the end of the chain. It's strange, to have moved up a generation.

It was a good trip, but the actual fact of travel was pretty exhausting, even given how well-behaved Robin was. I'm not really looking forward to going to Colorado, for that reason. To being there, sure, though some of the logistics make me want to bang my head against things. (oh man, 3am jetlag mornings are going to be a lot harder there!) But not getting there, and definitely not getting back. Two more timezones than Florida is, alas, about half again as difficult.

But we'll be in Colorado for Christmas. =)

Another thing going on is that after years of waiting, my co-worker/sort of superior Ben is finally leaving the library. Which is sad as he's been great to work with, but good as he's finally getting to move down south where his girlfriend and her kids are, and he's wanted that for years. It also means his job is opening up. Now, this is the job I've been intending to get for years, and if it'd been advertised anytime before Robin I would've applied like a shot and probably had a damn good chance of getting it, too. It's not that different from my current job; it has a few more responsibilities (including some managing) and is full-time. I could absolutely do it.

But there is Robin. And after a lot (a lot a lot a lot) of deliberation, I don't think I will apply. Part of me wants a full-time job, and part of me knows that I both want and need the flexibility part-time offers. I get more time with Robin, and that is important for all that it's also exhausting. We don't *need* one of us to work full-time, though it'd be helpful; we're making enough money to pay all the bills, including the loans, and while we don't have much to fritter we do fine. And actually at the moment better than fine, because the grandparents are all making absolutely sure we have all we need to take care of Robin (eek, but also yay, and oh my god we are lucky in our families and I make sure they know this). I'd make more money because of being full-time but only because of that, and the extra would pretty much all go to putting Robin in nursery full-time as well (at the moment she's there three afternoons a week, with her grandmother two days a week, and I have her most mornings except sometimes when Chris does; good mix of everything, I feel). Finally, frankly, if I worked full-time, the basic daily house chores would never get done, and that would stress me out a lot. In a few years a hell of a lot of people are going to retire from the uni library system (including my boss David, sigh) and everything will shift around; I'll reconsider then and see if Ben's job (or an equivalent one; that's an option I didn't have while we were commuting, but do now, I could switch which site I'm at) comes open then. And as it turns out, his job might not be advertised after all, even internally, which would save me a lot of angst. ;) This was a *hard* decision to come to, I spent about a month debating it with myself. If it turns out the option was never really there, I'm going to laugh.

Don't ask about the possibility of other future children. Just don't. I don't know. I was always determined to have more than one, siblings are awesome (hi, bro!). But oh my god being a parent is exhausting. It was a month or two ago that someone said to me "Hey, you could get started on baby number two now!" and my first thought was oh dear god no. I don't know. Part of me wants to get having another one over with now so that the worst is all packed together, part of me says "Nooo, wait until Robin's in school or something so you're only dealing with one baby at a time!" A small part says "No, I don't want to go through those first months again, it was so frikking hard." Some say that two babies isn't that much harder than one because you're already doing everything you need to do; some say it's twenty times harder. I have no idea. All I know is: not now, please.

Parenting is rewarding too, honest. I adore my daughter. She's fun, she's curious (but also overly cautious at times--heh, definitely like me), she learns fast, she's beautiful.

On that note: she's almost one year old now.

How's that for a trip?

I wrote up what the birth was like, months ago. Maybe I'll post it in here, if only for my own memory; it's not easy reading but it's something I want to remember.

I miss writing, and I miss going to the gym, though every time someone suggests I do the latter I start to panic with trying to find a way to schedule it in; I get very little Ashfae-time as it is, mostly an hour claimed here or there on a weekday morning, when I don't spend it on cleaning or getting some extra sleep (both frequent necessities, alas). Theoretically I was to have an afternoon on Saturdays, but that's not how it's working out, something always seems to be happening. And Sundays are always busy. Starting this week until Christmas I have every Thursday off due to an excess of annual leave, which is going to be flipping miraculous. Temporary, but I intend to make the most of them while I can.

In short, there's been a lot to think about. And not enough sleep. Way, way more sleep than during those first few hell months, but still not enough sleep. And the to do list never seems to grow shorter, especially regarding the house, which is still not entirely unpacked or organized. I hate that. Sloooooooowly it gets worked on, but so slowly. (someday all the books will be unpacked and I'll actually hang things on the wall and put up curtains. Someday) (the lawn, however, is doomed)

It's a good life, though. There's much to watch and do and think about.

ashfae @ 2013-09-15T21:04:00

2013-09-15T20:01:46Z

You don't want to read this entry. I shall write it anyway because you've gotta whine somewhere, sometimes. But unless you're inclined to sympathize with a parent, and willing to read about gross stuff babies do, avoid. Believe me, no offense will be taken.

Projectile vomit. Right down my cleavage. Well, right down my front for the first wave (all down my shirt, and yes I mean inside the shirt as well as outside, plus she got my legs), and then she turned her head and got everything else on the couch. Which was still made up for a guest, as we had a guest last night, so the total vomitted damage was me, my clothing (including underwear), duvet cover, sheet, couch pillow, couch itself, part of the back wall, the pillowcases, plus the dampness went through to other things as well...WHERE IN THE HELL WAS SHE KEEPING THAT MUCH VOMIT WHAT THE FUCK!!?!?!?!?!?!?!

She'd just had a bath, too. Sob.

She's fine, before you wonder, she's not sick (despite evidence to the countrary). She's chipper as anything now that that's done with. She'd just been taking her last bottle of the night and was about to settle on my shoulder, and she let out a burp, and I said "Please don't vomit in my cleavage, kid," which I say sometimes because it's a ahzard of babies but usually just possetting and even that not for weeks and weeks, and THEN...! Darn it, we had a gentlemen's agreement! Except, er, we're not gentlemen. BUT STILL. And of course now she has lots of energy instead of wanting to go to sleep, because of all the excitement, and Chris and I are looking at her in despair.

In conclusion, all babies contain wormholes to dimensions of infinite poop and infinite vomit, and we deal with them at our own risk.

To our houseguests coming on Wednesday I swear to god it'll all be VERY clean before you get here.

ashfae @ 2013-09-08T23:16:00

2013-09-08T22:16:37Z

I'm a bit down this evening. Solution: post another edition of Overheard Lately. Someday I really need to fix the tags on these things.

Ash: Hush little baby, don't cry at all
Mama's gonna buy you a rubber ball
If that rubber ball won't bounce
Mama's gonna buy you a cat named Pounce
If that cat named Pounce runs off
Mama's gonna buy you a hat to doff
If that hat to doff goes flat
Mama's gonna buy you your own black bat
If that black bat flies away
Mama's gonna buy you some Oil of Olay
If that Oil of Olay goes squish
Mama's gonna buy you a giant fish
If that giant fish should drown
We'll fry it up and we'll feed the whole town.

Susan: Let's scare her by singing songs about being eaten by tropical animals!

Ash: I only give out two pieces of advice to other new parents. First, there's more than one way to do everything and everything is negotiable, no matter what anyone tells you. Second, except laundry. That's not negotiable. You gotta do laundry all the time. Or else you'll be naked and covered in puree. You'll be naked and covered in puree anyway, actually, but not quite as often.

Mom to Robin: Look, it's your mom! Say hi to your mom!
Robin: *blows a raspberry*
Ash: That's my girl.

Ash: [to self] No, Ash, do not buy trees.
Chris: Yeah, trees are easy to get. They grow on trees.

Ash: I'd really love to go back to sleep. If I bribe you with internet, can I do that?

Chris: Give her a chance to flour on her own.
Ash: What if she's a late bloomer?
Chris: It's a chance we'll crust have to take.

Ash: I like this bread bin. Except that I'm not sure how big it is.
Chris: *nearly dies while trying not to give the obvious answer*

Ash: I just have to love a man who sings the Super Mario Brothers' theme song while changing diapers.

Chris: [to Robin] Uh oh, we'd better move you before something silly happens.
Ash: Yeah, we wouldn't have the faintest idea how to cope with something silly.

Chris: [reading to Robin] Boy. Girl. Heteronormative gender roles. Ball. Sun. Note that the actual sun doesn't have spikes. Flower. Butterfly. You may remember this butterfly from such roles as "The Very Hungry Caterpillar."

Ash: Is it just me, or is our life here 50% better?
Chris: Just you. It's 100% better.

Chris: Did you get the door?
Ash, Yes, it's in the backpack. It was hard to squish it in, though.
Chris: But now no one can break into our house while we're gone! Because there's no door!
Ash: I kinda wish it worked like that.

Chris: [to Robin] You turned it off and then on again! And thus begins your career in tech support.

Ash: It was the toilet paper of Damocles.

Ash: [reads A Three Hat Day to Robin]
Chris: This is a weird book.
Ash: It's a book about finding true love through a hat that has a seal and bells on it!
Chris: Yes, that's sure to be applicable at least once in her life.

Ash: We need to think of a puntastic name for our Wii.
Chris: Ping Angel?
Ash: Huh?
Chris: Wii Ping Angel.
Ash: That's both beautiful and terrifying.
Chris: Like a Weeping Angel!
(other options considered were Lee Bin and L of Fortune, but Ping Angel won out)

Ash: Maybe we could save some money to hire a cleaner later. Though I'm sure your mum would wonder why we'd bothered when we could've asked her to do it. But if she did it I'd just feel guilty!
Chris: So you'd rather pay in sterling than guilt [gilt]?
Ash: I admit it. I married you for puns like that.

Ash: [playing Shining Force 2] Darn it, more desert. It exists just to piss off my centaurs.
Chris: Well, they can't always be the centaur of attention.
Ash: I will write that down, and then I will kill you.

[while watching Robin make an astonishing mess of sausage puree, and being gloomy about our future evening of cleaning it/her up]
Chris: How do you cope without being able to have a drink?
Ash: Chocolate and a sense of humor.

Ash: Are we buying food for a party or a siege?
Chris: I don't know anymore!

Ash: Nooooooooooooo, I don't want to be the mother of the next Jackson Pollock!!!

[while playing Ni No Kumi]
Ash: That thing looks like a cross between a Clanger and a banana.

[in choir, while considering a new piece]
Tanya: I don't think we have the brain power to bash through this one today.
Ash: All right, let's flail in its general direction instead.

Robin: [bites Ash's foot]
Ash: I am not food! ...darn it, you of all people aren't going to buy that argument!

Chris: [mournful] I must've really been in the composing zone yesterday. I abandoned an entire cup of tea.
Ash: ...uh, you do that a lot?
Chris: Not with *that* much tea!

Chris: [to Robin] That's duct-tape! I shall teach you the magic of duct-tape, and how it sticks to everything.
Ash: Because nothing can possibly go wrong with this plan.

Ash: I do like not being hit by cars. I've made a hobby out of it.
Chris: I don't think it's a hobby. That implies you're not very good at it.
Ash: No no, you can be very talented at something and have it still be a hobby. I'm not professional, no one's paying me to not be hit by cars. I'm just an enthusiast.

Chris: We have acquired an awake baby.
Ash: What happens if we equip it?
Chris: You lose the use of one arm in combat.
Ash: Oh no! Does that mean it's cursed?
Chris: No, because you can unequip it at any time. And the sound of its crying frightens away enemies in combat.

Ash: [while carrying new mop home from the store] I feel like a wizard. [brandishes] YOU SHALL NOT PASS! ....UNTIL THIS FLOOR IS DRY!

ashfae @ 2013-06-28T08:47:00

2013-06-28T07:47:26Z

So I could be stressed. We move out in ONE WEEK and most of that week wil be spent up in Orkney, and there's so much to do. (anyone want to come weed the garden/mow the lawn? It's an unholy nightmare. I'll pay you in brownies)

On the other hand we went into Edinburgh today to do afternoon tea at the Balmoral. It was amazing. Also much better value for money than you'd expect, seeing as they kind of lob cake at you. So much cake. We had the full tea and then they bring this cake trolley around and ask if we want any, and we all eyed it dubiously going "...you're not serious, are you?" so they gave it to us to take away. In this staggeringly pretty box. Dear god. My sweet tooth met its match and then some.

And it's impossible to be stressed when you're full of cake, even if you do move in a week and the backyard is a mess.

Overheard lately in the Ash-Chris Household...

2013-06-20T13:16:18Z

Ash: I know I'm supposed to babble at the baby a lot, but does it count if you're babbling about how you're not sure you can babble enough?

Chris: Nope, she's not interested.
Ash: Of course not. She has a bear.
Chris: That's all she needs.
Ash: I think she needs more than a bear.
Chris: Nope. The bear necessities.

Fyre to Robin: See this? This is Rivendell. It's important that you pay attention because this is where we all want to live someday.
Ash: Yeah, I can't argue with that.

Fyre: I want to know about the lifting capacity of dwarves. How much can they lift compared to their body weight?
Chris: I'd say twice as much as their own body weight. All those rocks.
Ash: I love that people think about this.

[after many comments about how Gollum resembles Robin]
Ash: Ahhh! Don't kill my daughter, Bilbo!
Fyre: Your daughter is less bald. And less prone to eat people.
Ash: She's clearly never gnawed on your fingers the way she does on mine.

Ash: Always with the moths and butterflies, Gandalf.
Fyre: It's his way of sending a text. "Gwaihir in trees on fire plz snd hlp luv Gandalf."

Gandalf: "Totes falling brb"
Gwaihir: "Incoming! Sending bros to collect."

Fyre: Don't be a hero, Thorin!
Ash: Uh, he *is* the hero.
Fyre: Not yet. He's not King Hero the Douchebag yet.
Ash: He was always the King Hero, that's the point.
Fyre: Not on the slo-mo hair blowing in the wind level.
Ash: Why is douche an insult?
Fyre: I...don't know.

Fyre: 'There is a dwarf I would follow.' Yes, the one that ran straight into a warg's mouth, fell over, and swooned. Nothing says great leader like a swooner.

Ash: *stands in front of Chris*
Chris: *wraps arms around Ash's shoulders*
Ash: You take cues well.
Chris: That wasn't a cue, that was a blatant order.
Ash: You take blatant orders well.
Chris: *snorts*
Ash: Would you rather I stood around going 'Oh woe, I wish someone would hug me!'?

Chris: Don't worry, I have a cunning plan.
Ash: Oh? How cunning is it?
Chris: It's rather straightforward, actually.
Ash: I can't believe you ignored that setup.
Chris: It was funnier this way.

Ash: [watching Mock the Week] Does George Osborne really not know how to jump rope?
Chris: Of course not. He went to Eton.

Ash: [while reading to Robin] That's a strawberry, that's a pear, that's a bananananananananananananaBATMAN...I mean, banana...

Ash: You survived the diaper explosion! Have an elephant.

Robin: I can't sleep. This position isn't contorted enough. Why won't my head bend back more than ninety degrees?

Robin: [while trying to stuff a ball half the size of her head into her mouth] Aaaah! Aaaah! Ehhhh! Aaahh!
Ash: Consonants, dear heart. Consonants.
Chris: In her defense, it's difficult to pronounce consonants with balls in your mouth.
Ash: ...
Ash: ...
Ash: ...
Chris: I can't be held responsible for your filthy mind.
Ash: No, in this case, I really think you can.

Ash: Will I ever be able to go in a cave again without thinking I'm in Oblivion?
Chris: I go into cathedrals without thinking I'm in Assassin's Creed, so yes.
Ash: No you don't. That's a complete lie, I've seen you eyeing rafters and plotting a course to the other side.
Chris: ...not lately?

Dad and Ash: *Watch the Hobbit*
Robin: Pay attention to me! I'm a hobbit! I'm small and cute and eat a lot!!

Dad: Okay, let's go back to the smell of the dwarven scum.

Dad: Have you ever heard the term 'muckity-muck'?
Ash: Sure.
Dad: Oh good, I was afraid it'd completely faded into obscurity.
Ash: You realize you've just asked this question of someone who regularly uses the terms 'spiffy' 'nifty' and 'keen', yes?

Ash: Does relevant have an a?
Chris: Yes, it's the same as revenant.
Ash: The sad thing is that actually will help me remember.

Ash: Robin appears to be depressed that she doesn't have telekinetic powers. Get used to it, sweetheart; I've been sad about that for at least thirty years. On the plus side, by attaching the chain link teething rings to one of her balls, I have created 1) a ball that doesn't roll across the room and thus render Robin in a state of mourning for her not yet manifested Jedi powers, 2) a multicolored morningstar, and 3) the best toy ever.

Ash to Robin: Aww, don't worry sweetheart, I promise I don't love the internet more than I love you. I love it just as much as I love you.

Ash: Oh god, I just sang the British version of that song instead of the American one.
Chris: All in all, you're just another Brit in the wall.

Chris: Now where did I leave the *mumble*...
Ash: The what?
Chris: The halloumi.
Ash: Oh. I thought you said the Padmini.
Chris: No. Alas, we do not have a Padmini.
Ash: We really should change that.
[For those unaware, we have a friend named Padmini. She's spiffy and we should see her more often than we do.]

Chris: I'd like to write the most difficult children's alphabet book ever. A for is for antidisestablishmentarianism!

Ash: She's reaching for your tea.
Chris: No Robin, you can't have my tea.
Ash: Pity. She needs more consonants.
Chris: And we don't have any bees. But someday we'll take her to the sea.
Ash: Where she'll say "Gee!" Or we could go to a forest. She might see a jay.
Chris: She already has a Granny Kay.
Ash: If she measures something she'll have an ell. She's met Em-J, so she has an em.
Chris: She *definitely* has a lot of pee! And she's waited in many queues. And she has an arse!
Ash: No no, arr should definitely be something piratical.
Chris: She gets a kick out of you. If we'd had twins we'd have a double-you.
Ash: She's much too young for an ex, but soon she'll be old enough to ask why incessently. And she doesn't get nearly enough zees. ...I kind of love us.

Chris: Someday you might learn to like fennel. Or is that just a Fennel Fantasy?

Ash: Hehee, we're going to Kirkwall [in Orkney]. And yes, I'm going to continue to be amused about this.
Chris: They really should try to capitalize on the DA2 connection. Maximize the geek tourist trade!
Ash: Great idea, except I suspect it'd only work on me. And come to think of it, Kirkwall is one of the last places I'd pick to go as a tourist. Too many blood mages.

Ash: And now, we return to your regularly scheduled baby on her stomach.

Ash: I'm sorry, I had the urge to pull a Jeeves.
Chris: Well who wouldn't, given the chance?

Ash: Is it possible to be genetically predisposed to compulsive research? *considers* And gratuitous vocabulary usage?

Mom: The song's a little different when the person singing it is green.

Isobel: Hush little baby, don't say a word, Papa's gonna buy you a mockingbird.
Chris: No I won't!
Isobel: If that mockingbird don't sing--
Chris: We'll sue the pet shop that sold the thing.
Isobel: If that diamond ring turns brass--
Chris: We're gonna sue some jeweler's ass.
Ash: I'm sensing a theme here.

Ash: *makes a sound*
Chris: *questioning noise*
Ash: Just being relieved because I've remembered that I already remembered the thing I need to remember.
Chris: *disbelief*
Ash: ...it made sense in my head.

Chris: George Takei is to Facebook as Stephen Fry is to Twitter. Discuss.

Overheard lately in the Ash-Chris Household...

2013-04-10T11:56:29Z

Contains a major spoiler for the book of the Hobbit, btw. You've been warned.

Ash: Look at the way the light is shining behind her ear.
Chris: Oh yeah, it's translucent, you can see all the veins.
Ash: It's a glowing ear!
Chris: With an eerie glow!

Fyre: This isn't right. He needs a jaunty top hat.
Ash: You think Cthuhlu needs a top hat?
Fyre: Of course! This is why he feels he needs to destroy everything. No top hat.

Ash: Hang on a sec, I need to write down everything you say.

Chris: I'm impressed you're spelling that with an s instead of a zed.
Ash: Sometimes the zed looks wrong to me now. ...I just said zed instead of zee, oh god...
Chris: One of us! One of us!

Fyre: I see Richard Armitage as the next generation of Sean Bean.
Ash: Well, he's not going to survive the Hobbit, so that's a good start!

Ash: I made things that went zoom! I don't understand why my zoom argument isn't winning you over!

Fyre: I think of tumblr as being like Hogwarts. You learn all kinds of weird stuff there and the pictures move.

Podcast: How do you steal three million litres of maple syrup out of barrels without anyone noticing?
Ash: Surreptitiously!

Ash: I want to be cremated JUST FOR THE PUN. Ash Burns. They'll say "Ashes to ashes..." in the ceremony and everyone will start snortgiggling helplessly and think "DAMN IT ASH" and I will look down from wherever I am and laugh.

Chris: [while trying and failing to clean lots of grease off of his hands post-bicycle maintenance] All the perfumes of Arabia shall not sweeten this little hand!!

Ash: How long ago did I take that stuff?
Chris: Around four hours. Why, is it wearing off?
Ash: No, I think I'm high. The pain is coming back but I'm too amused to care.
Chris: You're definitely high.

Chris: You're sure you don't have reversed internal organs?
Ash: I think I'd have noticed by now.
Chris: True. Your heart's in the right place.

Ash: One reason I don't believe in the devil: he'd get most of the souls in the world by promising parents sleep at strategic moments.

Chris: She's so long and thin! I thought babies were supposed to be spherical!

Ash: [singing to Robin] Mustang Sally, you better slow your Mustang down...Mustang Sally my baby, guess you'd better slow that Mustang down...[suddenly blanks on the rest of the words and slips into a different song altogether]...so good, so good, I got you! Dun dun dun dun! [continues on with James Brown] (I mention this because those songs mixed very well, actually)

Ash: [receives very very obvious phishing phonecall after computer info]
Ash: Ma'am, this is *bullshit*. [hangs up the phone]
Chris: I like the way you called her "Ma'am" before hanging up on her.
Ash: I'm not very good at being rude to people.

Ash: [talking to herself while cleaning all the things] Right, it's time to tempt fate.
Chris: How?
Ash: By stacking boxes in the hallway. Empty ones. ...all right, so I'm not much of a risk-taker, either.

Ash: We're going to Orkney!
Chris: [to Robin] You're going on holiday!
Ash: Yes, because she's the one who really needs a holiday.

Ash: Robin rolled over for the first time today! Making a cake to celebrate. In retrospect, it should have been an upside-down cake.

Chris: And Robin quests forth in search of food!
Ash: Oh god, I'm a steed!
Ash: +3 in combat. -1 to Run Away. The Ashfae Steed likes shiny stuff. You get +1 for any treasure you give it (discard). Unfortunately, it's also easily distracted; -1 for any treasure an opposing Munchkin gives it. The Ashfae Steed will automatically flee from Giant Cockroach.

Chris: These need using up.
Ash: Vimes is right. It's odd to think of it in terms of us doing the food a favor.
Chris: We are doing it a favor! It might get moldy. It wouldn't like that. Probably. You wouldn't like to be moldy, would you?
Ash: I don't know. Mold is pretty cool.
Chris: ...nevermind.

Paul Revere in AC3: "It might be easier if we approach the houses on foot."
Ash: On foot? Paul Revere doesn't do things on foot.
Chris: Yeah, it wasn't the midnight stroll of Paul Revere!

Chris: [while playing AC3] I'm on a horse!
Ash: But have the tickets turned to diamonds?

Chris: [playing AC3] Poor enemy soldier. Why did you get up? If you'd just stayed down you would have been fine.
Ash: No he wouldn't have. You're going to blow up the boat.
Chris: Well, he'd have gotten another few seconds of sweet life, anyway.

Ash: Are you nomming my baby's head?
Clare: Yes!
Ash: Very good. Carry on!

Fyre: [interesting explanation about how C.S. Lewis' "A Horse and His Boy" is based on Moses meeting God]
Chris: But Moses didn't have a talking horse.
Fyre: Just a pillar of fire.
Chris: Not a sarcastic one.
Fyre: It might have been.
Chris: "Don't mind me, I'll just be over here burning things, you can follow me if you really want to."
Ash: I love my life which has you guys in it.

Chris: A coconut's coefficient of restitution isn't that high.
Ash: No, but its coefficient of comedy is.

Chris: [while holding Robin, who kicks in interesting areas now that she's taller] Ow. I need to get myself a codpiece.

Chris: [gets his fourth bingo in a row in Scrabble]
Ash: Admit it. You're an avatar of the Scrabble gods, sent to earth to spread their commandments.

Ash: Amongst Robin's nicknames by her grandmother: tiddlypooch, tootsieboots, cuddlytoots, chomples, and butch. Amongst her nicknames from me: wetbutt. I'm not sure which of us should be more ashamed of themselves.

Ash: I shouldn't contact a cleaning company based entirely on their name being a bad pun, should I?
Chris: Why, what's their name?
Ash: Partners in Grime.
Chris: Yes. Yes you should. Call them right now.

Ash: Sometimes the fact that babies have the attention span of the proverbial goldfish comes in remarkably handy. "AHHHH MOM YOU LET THEM STICK NEEDLES IN MY LEG HOW COULD YOU I'M TRAUMATIZED FOREV is that wall green? Oooh, green!"

Chris: [to Robin] Aaaaaaaaaand drop the ball. Aaaaaaaaaaand drop the ball. You know what else we can drop that's fun?
Ash: NO.
Chris: I didn't mean drop the baby!

Chris: Has a new pope been elected yet?
Ash: Probably. The internet's broken.

AC3 character: "I've got a monkey's fist in me gut!"
Ash: A what?
Chris: Like butterflies in your stomach, but more manly.

Robin: Moooooooooooooooom I'm afraid I might not be the center of the universe!!!!!!
Ash: Don't worry dear, you are.
Robin: No I'm not, no one's holding me right now!
Ash: Okay, fine, I'll walk around with you. Better?
Robin: ............a bit. But no putting me down. Ever. Or I'll DIE OF INSUFFICIENT LOVE.
Ash: No, you won't.
Robin: Will so.
Ash: No, you won't.
Robin: Will so---ooh, a light source! It's shiny!
Ash: That's my girl.

Robin: I HUNGER! Feed me or face my wrath, puny human!
Ash: *gets milk*
Robin: Your offering is acceptable. You may live. For now.

Robin: I want love and milk and playtime!
Ash: In what order!
Robin: I'm going to change my mind about that every ten seconds!
Ash: Terrific.
Robin: I also want your turqoise shirt!
Ash: Sorry kid, only one person's allowed to pull my clothes off, and he's a lot more coordinated than you.
Robin: If I can't have it, I'll throw up on it!
Ash: Hah! Foiled by the power of the bib.
Robin: I'll get you next time, Gadget. Next time.

Chris: [singing] Soft baby, warm baby, looking very cute; grumpy baby, cranky baby, poop, pee, puke.
Ash: ...you don't even *like* that show...

Ash: How can you not recognize a portrait of George Washington?
Chris: He looks different in Assassin's Creed!

Ash: Yay, you have another minion!
Chris: I have many minions.
Ash: But this minion has a cool hat. That makes him better.

Chris: Why is everyone suddenly attacking me?
Ash: Did you step on a chicken?
Chris: This isn't Skyrim.
Ash: The chicken mafia have eyes everywhere.

Ash: Later needed to be now before. ...I just said that, didn't I.

Ash: But what if a yak and a yeti want to go on a date?

Chris: Ooh, adverts! Let us mock.

Chris: Quantum baby knows when she's being observed.

Chris: Vulcan nosemeld!
Ash: There are more things wrong with this idea than I can conviently list.

Chris: Do you want chocolate sauce on your ice cream?
Ash: Fond as I am of both in their way, I'm pretty sure it's a sin to put Hershey's chocolate sauce on Green and Black's chocolate ice cream.

Robin: Yowling cat baby says pay attention to meeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!
Ash: What's a mom gotta do to get a nap around here?
Robin: What's a nap?
Ash: That's the boring thing you never like until you're doing it.
Robin: Oh, that. It's fun for ten minutes.
Ash: Just wait until you're in college, kid. Naps will suddenly become amazing things that you daydream about.
Robin: Lies! Lies and balderdash! Also, yowling cat baby wants food now.
Ash: College is a long, long way off, isn't it.
Robin: It's okay, Mommy. I'll major in rocket science. Or maybe playdoh.
Ash: So long as you learn to speak a language that isn't yowling cat by then, sweetheart.

[Character in movie, talking about magic beans]: Don't let them get wet!
Chris: Or feed them after midnight!!

Ash: My shoulder angel is not very angelic.

Chris: *makes an astonishing array of random noises*
Ash: ...
Chris: It's the dance remix!
Ash: Of what?
Chris: A fart.
Ash: ...
Chris: It was funny in my head.

Chris: *blows his nose a la moose mating call, as usual*
Robin: *kicks her legs like fury in response, as usual*
Ash: This is getting Pavlovian.

Chris-as-Robin: I can't eat in this position! It's not contorted enough!

Ash: *waits for video game to load*
Chris: Stop staring at it. It's quantum.

Chris: I wanted to show off my dumpling making skills.
Ash: You do make excellent dumplings.
Chris: I dumple well.

Chris: This book will be used to teach her not to get into relationships with people who have outdated notions of gender roles. As her father I will not allow such things! ...oh, wait...

ashfae @ 2013-03-22T01:41:00

2013-03-22T01:42:03Z

Dear me:

Go back to bed, stupid. It stops being insomnia once you're courting it.

Love, you.

ashfae @ 2013-03-08T10:37:00

2013-03-08T10:37:35Z

PLEASE PLEASE GOD LET TOMORROW ALL WORK SMOOTHLY pleaseplease please please please that would be so amazingly brilliant to have this mess of problems solved in one fell swoop (Who says swooping is bad?)

Okay, back to trying to organize it.

ashfae @ 2013-02-03T23:01:00

2013-02-03T23:01:29Z

Sigh. House porn is depressing, not just because we are so not at a stage where we can consider buying any of them, but because looking at them makes it so clear exactly how much we have to do to get our place on the market. So. Much. To. Do. Oh man. I sort of tend to Robin and then frenziedly run around between-times trying to clean, lately.

Happily, fyrie came over this weekend to be company and help organize. ♥ She is amazing and now there are a few boxes of things to send home with my in-laws when they come over on Tuesday. Yay! ...except that that was one corner of one room and there are many other rooms and OH SHIT.

ashfae @ 2013-01-29T20:49:00

2013-01-29T20:49:28Z

Addicted to Dragon Age again. Halfway through replaying Origins, can't wait to finally do Witch Hunt, can't wait to replay II (I'm coming, Varric!), a lovely friend has loaned me the comics, and yes, I want the upcoming encyclopedia. And I have fanfiction eating my brain but very little opportunity for writing it. And I miss roleplaying.

Uh. Oh dear. I may need rehab for this world.