Overheard Lately: Thor 2, Diablo 3, and Les Mis: the Parental Edit

Ash: [arrives home from work]
Robin: [looks up from kitchen floor and smiles hugely]
Ash: Hey there, sweet girl!
Robin: [starts crawling towards the front door and blows a raspberry]
Ash: [blows a raspberry back]
Robin: [blows another raspberry while making rapid progress across the floor]
Ash: This is the mother-daughter equivalent of two lovers running towards each other in a sunny field, isn't it.
Chris: Pretty much.

Robin: [bangs door against radiator, making an interesting booming sound]
Ash: We should probably stop her from doing that.
Chris: She'll get bored with it eventually.
Ash: Have you met children?
Chris: I was trying to make you feel better about it.

Ash: [playing video games] I'm drawn to things that kill other things quickly.
Chris: Why are you dating a vegetarian again?
Ash: Hey, you totally decimate parsnips.

Ash: She's put a duck down my cleavage!

Ash: [singing] You are my sunshine, not my only sunshine, but you make me happy when skies are grey which is fortunate because they're grey a lot, you'll never know, dear, except you will because I'll tell you, how much I love you, do not take my sunshine away except this is Scotland and we haven't got any anyhow...
Chris: [in almost physical pain from the scansion]

Ash: I'm trying to come to terms with my new identity as a mattress.

Ash: [to Robin] No, don't take my nose! Without it I'll smell terrible!
Chris: [gives Ash a look]
Ash: Everyone knows the joke anyway, I figured I'd skip the middle part.

Chris: Can I have more of the duvet?
Ash: Sure. Need more sheets as well?
Chris: No, thanks.
Ash: So I don't have to give a sheet?

Ash: You probably want to avoid the bathroom for a few minutes.
Chris: [ignores this] [farts while he's in there]
Ash: ...or you could add to the smell.
Chris: I was trying to neutralize it. Alas, two pongs don't make a right.

Ash: Did Beall's close?
Dad: No, it just moved.
Chris: That's all right then. It's not the be-all, end-all.

Chris: Find a less punny way of telling your dad he's out of thyme.

Dad: Isn't there a jar of thyme over there?
Chris: There's a jar, but no thyme in it.
Ash: Of course not. You can't put time in a bottle.
Dad: Thank you, Jim Croce.

Dad: Probably because I don't like thyme.
Ash: Stop setting up puns before my brain explodes!

Robin: [whimpers]
Chris: I think that's a baby with existential angst.
Ash: What else can you expect after all this talk about not having any time?

[After days of lovely warm sunshine, we wake in Florida to find rain and cold]
Chris: Finally, some proper weather!
Ash: ...are you nuts?

Chris: There's a two-player option in this.
Ash: I don't think I'm interested in Diablo 3, thanks all the same.
Chris: Smite monsters. Get loot. Smite more monsters with the loot.
Ash: ...damn it, you know me too well.

Diablo opening: [Girl shouts as her uncle is hit by a fireball]
Chris: If you cry "Uncle!" at the beginning of the game, I think that counts as giving up too early.

Diablo dialogue: "I am not your enemy...I have come with a warning...the darkness is coming..."
Ash: That's the most useless warning I've ever heard.
Chris: I spent the last fifteen minutes fighting undead. We know the darkness is coming.
Ash: Also you can say it anytime during the day to reference the fact that night is coming. Go back to Ominous Warning School, stranger.

Ash: Why do you have a glowing jellyfish over your head?
Chris: It's a blessing.
Ash: What kind of god gives out glowing jellyfish as blessings? The Flying Spaghetti Monster?
Chris: Would you prefer a halo?
Ash: Heck no, this is much better! I want one!

[Diablo character]: Our bargain stands. Follow me to my sanctum.
Ash: You have a sanctum? You *must* be evil.

Ash: That sword brings new meaning to the idea of ridiculous weaponry.
Chris: It's not that ridiculous. You've seen the replica of William Wallace's sword.
Ash: I wasn't referring to the length. I was talking about the fact that it seems to be a vampiric lava lamp in sword form.
Chris: Oh, right.

Ash: God created Saturn. And he liked it, so he put a ring on it.
Chris: Actually many gods must have liked it, because it's got a lot of rings.
fyrie: Many planets are popular.
Chris: Especially Jupiter. The great red spot? Intergalactic herpes. Her gravity brings all the asteroids to the yard.
Ru: Damn right they're bigger than yours.

[after staying up far too late]
Ash: Why are we stupid?
Chris: If we knew the answer to that, we wouldn't be stupid.

[Thor 2]
Ash: Why do people always say "Bury it deep, somewhere where no one will ever find it" as though such places actually exist?
Chris: Yeah, they'd do much better to stash it in a warehouse somewhere.
Ash: In a dusty corner under a tarpaulin. No one would ever spot it.

Frigga: I'll never tell you where she is!
Bad guy: I believe you. [smites]
Ash: ...uh, you can sense the stuff in her blood, and she's right around the corner. Are you blinded by plot?

Ash: Oh no! The plot holes are aligning!

[after an interesting evening involving emergency rooms]
diotina: I can't believe how calm you are.
Ash: I don't have time to freak out right now. I'll do it later.

Ash: I think I procrastinated freaking out for so long that I now don't have to do it. Win?

Ash: Dear Robin: The secret of popularity is, apparently, to smear yourself all over with yogurt and banana. I'm sure you'll find this useful in high school. Love, your mom

Ash: Three rings for the Elven kings under the sky
Five for the baby girl on her floor of linoleum
Seven for the dwarf lords in their halls of stone...
No, hang on a minute, something's not right there.

Chris: Happy somebody almost killed the king day!

Ash: Today's Robin update brought to you by "Kid, we're so happy that you've had some food and water that you can do all the button mashing you want...but you still can't print page £*74!Q8ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ because it doesn't exist, sorry."

[Chris is accompanying a medley of Les Mis songs for the next Vets concert. He practices it at home. I, of course, sing along. Except that making up words as I go is more fun than singing the originals. Sometimes he joins in. Today we ended up with these:]

Chris: I dreamed a dream in times gone by
When I could sleep until eleven
I dreamed that babies never cried
I dreamed a lot, and it was heaven!

Ash: But the Robin wakes at night
With her cries as loud as thunder
As she tears our sleep apart
'Cause she wants us both to waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake uuuuuuuuuuuuuup!!!

Chris: Can you hear your parents sing?
Singing a very dorky song
It is a song sung by two people who have not slept for too long...

Ash: Whoa. So much gilt. Why is he wearing so much gilt?
Chris: Eh, he's just generally gilty.

Chris: [playing Assassin's Creed 4] From one perspective, this game is about a *really* dedicated folksong collector...

In actual news, I have a nasty case of bronchitis and no voice. Actually no voice, I can only whisper. As my largely-deaf dad is visiting, this makes communication interesting. Mostly I pull out my laptop and type at him. That's amusing, but being sick is very boring and I'd like to be well now, please. Not least because my birthday happened in there and I slept through the whole thing in a feverish daze. We postponed cake and presents until I'm better. I'm not better yet, but I'm better enough to be impatient!!