Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today.

Figuring it Out

ashbear02 — Thu, 11 Nov 2010 07:51:53 GMT

Title: Figuring it Out
Pairing: Puck/Kurt
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst
Words: 2392
Warnings: Spoilers for the next episode of Glee. (highlight for Spoiler: Mentions o fblaine .)
Author's Note: I don't even know where half of this came from. I basically took Puck's return and made it after the whole mess with Karofsky ~~which pissed me off~~ and had my Kurt just decide he wants to transfer straight away, and of course money is no object because Burt owns a successful business okay? Lots of money.*blink* I hope you like it?
Disclaimer: If I owned this show it wouldn't be half as awesome, because I freely admit that RM is totally more talented than I am. So lets all just be happy I don't and move on.
Summary: Blaine watched the old truck speed off and glanced at Kurt's face, the strange mixture of confusion and pleasure made him smile. “So, is he still just an acquaintance?”

Blaine watched the old truck speed off and glanced at Kurt's face, the strange mixture of confusion and pleasure made him smile. “So, is he still just an acquaintance?”

Kurt pursed his lips a bit watching the truck himself for a few more moments before giving an awkward half smile, “I suppose he's more of a friend than I thought.”

Blaine shook his head ruefully as he straightened from where he'd been leaning against Kurt, and regarded him curiously, “Did he know about what Karofsky did last week?”

Kurt stiffened, “No. I didn't tell anyone about that really. I just said that it'd gotten to be...too much.”

Blaine hadn't known Kurt forever, but he'd known him long enough to be aware of his pride. So it made sense that he hadn't told anyone. “Seems like he tried to take care of it anyway.”

Kurt frowned again, “Yes, it does seem that way. Which is odd.”

“Come on, lunch is almost over.”

Kurt hesitated, “He thought we were dating.”

“I noticed, it was a bit hard not to notice when he was threatening my balls.” Blaine glanced at him with a smile, “Which makes me think that your school might just have more closet cases than you thought.”

Kurt sputtered as they re-entered the main building, and it just made Blaine laugh a bit as they strode towards class.

~~~~

ChocolateDiva: Kurt. You wont believe what happened today.

DevilWearsMarcJacobs: I think I could say the same to you. But you go first.

ChocolateDiva: Puck is apparently Bi.

DevilWearsMarcJacobs:.........what.

ChocolateDiva: No really, Puck skipped today and none of us know where he went but Karofsky said that he admitted it to Azimo while he was messing them up the other day.

ChocolateDiva: And then when he showed up at Glee Practice he was all bummed out (which he wouldn't explain, there's so dirt there and I want it) but when I asked he just sort of was like “well yeah, who cares?”

DevilWearsMarcJacobs:............................................

ChocolateDiva: I thought you'd be pleased?

DevilWearsMarcJacobs: You're sure?

ChocolateDiva: Why would I lie about that? And why would he? I mean he's still the baddest ass in school so he's not getting a lot of crap about it, but the cheerios refuse to talk to him now.

ChocolateDiva: Well except Santana. But I think she's secretly a sociopath. So I doubt she cares.

ChocolateDiva: Kurt?

DevilWearsMarcJacobs: I need to go. I'll ttyl.

~~~~

The next morning Blaine was pondering the choice of waffle or pancakes in the cafeteria; one of the perks of going to a high-end boarding school was having breakfast always made fresh, one of the perks of being a senior at said school was that your dorm was only down the hall from the cafeteria so you got first dibs.

Of course a very flushed Kurt half shouting, “How did you know Puck wasn't straight?” wasn't what Blaine thought he'd be hearing at 7 in the morning. He shared a glance with the breakfastlady, and she just waved him to the side with a brief “figure it out then you can jump back in and I'll save you a bit of both” to which Blaine smiled, because really that was cool of her.

“So your friend from yesterday isn't straight? And just how did you figure this out?” Blaine knew he should be taking this far more seriously, but watching the younger guy pace frantically while trying to act like he didn't care was a bit amusing.

“He outed himself to Karofsky of all people while beating him up last week. And then confirmed it at practice. But he isn't gay, he's 'bi' and I'm not even sure what that means really since he's literally screwed 3 out of 5 females in my old school. So he obviously likes girls!” Kurts voice is severe and rises and falling in a way that reminds Blaine of his twin sisters best friend who used to spend all of her time raving about how they needed to save the whales.

Blaine shouldn't find it humorous but he did. “What's not to get about bisexuality? Have you heard of the Kinsey scale?”

Kurt blinked at him slowly, “What?”

Blaine shook his head, “Let me get my waffles and I'll explain.”

~~~~~~~~

(Facebook Feed)

Kurt E. Hummel is a 9 on the Kinsey Scale bitches.

Blaine Kelly

Kurt the scale only goes to 6.

Kurt E Hummel

Oh I know. ;]

~~~~~~~

WillWorkForWaffles: Hey, wtf is the Kinsey scale?

FreeWheelin: What?

WillWorkForWaffles: Kurt? He's a 9 on it. What's the Kinsey Scale?

FreeWheelin: Has anyone introduced you to Google? If not I'm about to introduce you to the best thing you've ever met.

WillWorkForWaffles:.......is that a trick question? I bet Google is a bitch.

FreeWheelin: You'll see.

~~~~~~~

Noah L. Puckermann is too hot for the Kinsey Scale.

Artie Abrams

Puck I don't think that's how it works.

Noah L. Puckerman

I don't give a flying fuck.

~~~~~

Kurt frowned at his facebook feed, only the lean back and glare at Blaine who was watching him with a grin, “How the hell did Puck know about the Kinsey scale? I didn't know about the Kinsey Scale until yesterday!”

Blaine shrugged, “Ever heard of Google?”

“Like he'd look that up just because I mentioned it, and then post his own status!” Kurt snorted and rolled his eyes.

Blaine shrugged with a small grin, “Well I have a feeling that's exactly what he just did. Now come on new kid we'll be late for rehearsals.”

Blaine realized as he strode out of the commons that he was beginning to enjoy making Kurt sputter in indignation.

~~~~

Puck sagged against his locker feeling a bit dejected, sure he was passing Geometry now, Glee was going well, and every once in a while he'd look up to Mr. Shue giving him that “I fixed you” look. So really he had no reason to feel dejected, but the whole facination with Kurt was sort of ruining his life a bit at the moment.

Flirting with Santana was fun, but he didn't really care enough to actually take her up on it anymore. Artie was cool, and Sam was a bit dense but still fun to be around, but Finn was still sort of a closeted ass and Puck hadn't ever really got why Mike Chang was considered 'cool'.

Puck figured he was pretty stupid slouching around missing the one kid he'd claimed to hate for most of his school career, especially when that kid had moved on to a better place and was probably not coming back.

Puck resisted the urge to kick the locker across from him and decided to go to Glee a few minutes early.

~~~~

When Blaine opened an email and found a message from Kurt with the subject of “Rehearsals Friday” he opened it immediately instead of the 20 thousand messages from various other people.

“I've gotten permission to go home for the weekend, so I'm leaving straight after classes today and I'll have to miss the rehearsals tonight. Sorry for the short notice but I'm trying to make a show. I'll see you on Monday!

<3Kurt”

Blaine smiled and shook his head ruefully, he had a feeling he knew what show Kurt was trying to make.

~~~~

Puck hated Will Shuester sometimes, and the older man announcing that he'd accepted an impromptu challenge from the “Hipsters” for all of them was one of those times.

A week of Berry's hyperactive flutterings, high pitched shreiks, and practices that ran 3 hours long meant that New Directions was ready for the show. But only just.

It also coincided with a football team, which meant that really the only male left to perform that night would be Puck.

Which was just lovely. Really.

Except that Berry had decided that he had to be flawless because of it, which Puck sort of resented since he was always flawless.

~~~

Kurt hadn't missed McKinley High. But he missed his friends, so when he'd seen Rachel having panic attacks on Facebook about a performace he knew he needed to make it, and he wanted it to be a surprise so he hadn't told anyone he was coming home for it. So he wasn't expecting a party to be waiting for him at the school when he got there. And he was fine with that really.

He was able to slip into the back of the auditorium, and watching the Hipsters should have been hilarious. But it wasn't, because they were sort of good, and disturbing at the same time. Of course New Directions was brilliant, Rachel wouldn't accept anything but the best from everyone around her. And she had some how made do with only Puck to carry the male vocals. And Kurt vaguely wondered where the other guys were, but shrugged it off so that he could applaud.

He was making his way to the chorus room to surprise the rest of the club, because that's where they inevitably ended up for Mr. Shue's traditional “You Guys Were Great!” speech when Kurt heard a voice that made him freeze.

“Hey LadyBoy. Haven't seen you around for awhile. Come back to meet The Fury?” Karofsky's voice hadn't changed, and the sick smirk he wore wasn't so much new as a reminder of every reason he'd left McKinley.

The larger boy was bearing down on him and Kurt raised his chin, refusing to move. But Karofsky froze and Kurt felt himself blink before he glanced over his shoulder to find a very unimpressed Puck glaring at the football player.

“Shouldn't you be at the field Karofsky.” Puck made the question into a statement, “And anyways, I seem to remember something about breathing in his presence. Or do you need a refresher? 'cause I'd be happy to provide one.”

Karofsky straightened in defiance, “I'm not afraid of you Puckerman, you're too afraid of going back to Juvie to actually-”

And it almost happened too quickly for Kurt to process it, but Puck was suddenly slamming the lager boy against the lockers with a deadly expression. “You're going to go back to the football game, Kaofsky. And when you get there, you'll thank god that I'm on probation because if I wasn't I'd give you something to really be afraid of. Now. Go.”

Puck let go and stayed firmly between him and Kurt as the larger boy actually scurried away. When the bully was out of site Puck's shoulders sagged and he turned to face Kurt who was feeling a bit numb from shock.

“Next time, could you like warn me or something? 'Cause I'd have reminded him today at lunch or something. That kids such a weirdo.” Puck sighed, “I don't even know what his problem is.”

“He's gay.” Kurt slapped a hand over his mouth almost shocked that he'd actually said it and Puck frowned at him.

“Wait what? He's gay? How would you even know that?” Puck blinked, “and how would that make it okay?”

“It doesn't make it okay, and he might have kissed me or whatever.” Kurt crossed his arms and refused to meet the inquiring gaze Puck was sending his way, “I didn't exactly enjoy it either. It was sort of repulsive. And I hate that it counts.”

Kurt didn't notice Puck moving closer until he looked up and jumped to find the larger male so close, and Puck didn't look happy. He looked upset, and worried; which sort of made Kurt feel like he she reassure him or something but it was all just a bit surreal.

“He didn't like hurt you though right? I mean 'cause if he did I'll totally kick his ass again for you. You didn't tell anyone. Why didn't you tell anyone?” Puck was suddenly holding Kurts face and turning it gently from side to side as if to check for injuries. “No wonder you left. I should have done something sooner. Why did you tell Finn? Or Sam?”

Kurt jerked away slightly but Puck's hands remained firm, “Like Finn would have done anything, he'd just have accused me of turning Karofsky gay.” Kurt knew his voice was bitter, but he didn't care.

Puck sighed, “Yeah, well Sam would have done something. Dude is a dweeb, but he's a good guy. No way he'd have let that stand. Mike would have helped too.” Puck shook his head and dropped his hands in an almost guilty way, “What're you doing here anyway?”

“I came to see you guys perform.” Kurt hated that he suddenly felt colder and that he wanted those hands back, “You were great! I missed you guys. So I thought this was the perfect time to come visit.”

Puck snorted, “Berry is gonna give birth to a cow. It'll be great. Come on.”

And Kurt was shocked to find that walking to the chorus room with Puck sort of felt nice. He was even more shocked when he realized he wanted to hold Puck's hand.

~~~~~~

Blaine jerked a bit when his phone beeped late Saturday morning.

He blinked at the alert telling him the text was from Kurt. He flicked it open to find “We aren't ever going to date are we.”

Blaine smiled, a bit bitterly, before responding.

“Aren't you already really into that Puck guy? Besides I'm not your type and you know it. I'm too nice. You know that already.”

He had barely turned back to his book when his phone beeped again, and he flicked it open to “Really "too nice"? Because I thought that's what I wanted.”

Blaine shook his head, and sighed wondering how to explain this. “You'd get bored Kurt. You're all fire and passion and I'm...well I'm a Buddhist okay? I like my middle path. You deserve someone to match your fire.”

Blaine didn't even bother turning back to his book and he didn't have to wait long for the, “Well then I'm dropping you for a Jew then. I think. Maybe. We'll see.”

Blaine smiled, “Courage***”

A Return

ashbear02 — Mon, 08 Nov 2010 07:26:00 GMT

Title: A Return
Pairing: Puck/Kurt
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst
Words: 2307
Warnings: Spoilers for the next episode of Glee. (highlight for Spoiler: Mentions of Klaine(Kurt/Blaine).)
Author's Note: My first bit of Glee!Fic that I'm ready to post. Let me know what you think?
Disclaimer: If I owned this show it wouldn't be half as awesome, because I freely admit that RM is totally more talented than I am. So lets all just be happy I don't and move on.
Summary: Puck stared at his hands moodily and wondered if this was what could be considered self loathing. He'd started back to school at exactly the wrong time, and he was feeling the backlash.

Puck stared at his hands moodily and wondered if this was what could be considered self loathing. He'd started back to school at exactly the wrong time, and he was feeling the backlash.

The bullying had finally gotten too much for Kurt and he'd transferred literally the day before he'd made what he'd thought would be a triumphant return, and Glee Club was just getting over the shock and moving into anger. It had been the worst time for a reformed Bully to show his face.

There had been no welcome, no one had really seemed to care that he was gone anyway, and if anything his return had dredged up old wounds from the others. Mercedes knew how to be just as cutting with her words as Santana when she chose. And she'd definitely chosen to be cutting at that point.

Of course he'd left practice as soon as she was done, he wasn't up for the fighting, not after having be on the defensive for a month straight in Juvie. Which was why he found himself contemplating his hands while leaning against his car in the parking lot. Wondering if Kurt was actually gone for good. And if it really was his fault at the core.

Because Puck hadn't ever actually hurt the smaller boy, just ruined his clothes and shoved him against a few lockers, and really Hummel had given almost as good as he got in some ways. Heck, half the time Puck hadn't even understood the varied and complicated insults that had been thrown his way, and the one time the countertenor had convinced half the cheerios that if they slept with him they'd be plagued with acne for the rest of their lives.

So yeah, they'd been sort of terrible to each other for most of their lives. But they'd had a sort of truce since Puck joined Glee, because really they'd both had bigger things to deal with. And Puck suddenly had to consider the 'team' and how they needed Kurt to be whole and sane enough to perform.

That meant no more swirlies, no more dumpster dives, and no more slamming him against anything that wasn't padded. And Puck had been abiding by that unspoken rule, and Kurt hadn't called him a “craven lout” either. Things had been okay.

So it wasn't Puck's fault really, he hadn't started it and the smaller boy had told him several times that he could handle the other bullies on his own. And really he hadn't ever been hard on Kurt because he was gay, because Puck was very well aware of his own bisexuality and honestly didn't care that Kurt was gay. The smaller boy was just well...smaller and that lended to being teased, also he'd always been a stick in the mud and just hadn't been very fun. Puck knew that the gay-factor was why others had always picked on Kurt, but it'd never really been a personal issue between them. Which really actually didn't make him feel any better at all.

Because he might not have been starting it lately, but as Kurt's team mate it was his job to finish it for him. And he'd made the mistake of taking the flamboyant teen at his word, and things had apparently gotten even worse once Puck wasn't flanking Finn's other side. And that just wasn't acceptable.

So Puck nodded and made a decision, it might be too late for Kurt to want to come back but Puck was still going to fix things at McKinley High. Because no one messed with someone Noah Puckerman considered a friend.

So the next day he started with the Track Team because they were the easiest to intimidate because they were barely considered Jocks and their deal was being fast and not so much messing with people, and really he only bothered with them to make a point that no one messed with Glee anymore and more specifically Kurt Humme. The soccer team was a bit harder, but a swirly for their captain and they were on board with the new No Slushie Policy. Puck didn't bother with the Cheerios since half of them secretly worshiped the ground Kurt walked on because of his clothes.

The real problem was the Football team, and Puck knew it because he was still technically one of them. Sure he was suspended for the rest of the season, but they still considered him apart of the team, and Azimo sometimes still tried to get Puck to hang out.

Puck knew here were two ways he could handle the situation. Start out civil and work up to the inevitable fist fight, or just go in swinging and risk being caught breaking parole and end up back in Juvie. Mercedes, Santana, and Quinn snubbing him at lunch sort of made that choice for him, because really no one who was being that much of a bitch was allowed to look so sad when the seat next to her was naturally left open.

That afternoon in the locker room he descended on Azimo and Karofsky like an angry cloud and the rest of the team just watched wide eyed. Puck had Karofsky in a headlock with Azimo backed into the corner when the heavier boy finally snapped back with one of his not so witty remarks, something along the lines of “Why do you care what we did to the fag anyway? You like cock too?” and Puck wasn't really thinking straight when he responded with “Yeah! So what? I'm bi, I can handle your ass so if you have to give someone shit about liking cock give it to me because I can handle you.”

The jock sputtered even as Karofsky choked a bit more under his arm while he sturggled weakly and Puck planted his foot against Azimo's chest, “So, no more harassing the Gleeks, and when Hummel gets back if I hear even a whisper of you touching the sleeve of his jacket or breathing in his presence I'll kill you. Got me?”

When the kid on the ground nodded wildly Puck half threw his friend at him, “Glad we understand each other.” He turned to the rest of the teams staring at him wide eyed and pointed, “That goes for you losers too.”

Puck didn't look back as he strode out of the locker room, his job was done.

The next day Mercedes grabbed his arm at lunch, and when he met her gaze she looked sheepish. “I was wrong, you're one of us and....and you should come back to Glee. We missed you.”

Puck didn't argue, he let her pull him to the girl's table and he found that even Santana was giving him a fond look. Apparently they didn't mind him beating people up as long as it wasn't someone they cared about. Which made a sick kind of sense Puck didn't want to think about.

It took him 3 practices to realize that the reason he couldn't stay still was because something was fundamentally wrong, and it took him another 2 practices to realize that without Kurt things just didn't mesh the same way. There was no melodic voice to bitch at Berry until she shut up, there wasn't anyone to give Mercedes an approving look when she made sarcastic comments, and the sound of their group had changed. Puck missed him and not in a 'he was a cool guy to have around' way, he found himself realizing more and more things he missed about the other teen and the realization of what this meant hit him in the gut in a way that tore the breath out of him worse than any fist.

Puck had somehow had feelings for Kurt Hummel for god only knew how long and had been too....Puck to understand it. Which was just annoying, because now that he was aware of these feelings they were tearing him apart and he didn't know what to do.

But Puck had never been a person of inaction, so when he ended up at the Hummel residence he wasn't surprised. Burt Hummel was though, and so was Finn, but Puck didn't really care about them. What he cared about was Ms. H giving him a soft look and laying a hand on his arm in a consoling manner while the men just gaped at him. “Oh Hon, he's at this boarding school. It's about an hour away. I can give you his number if you wa-”

Puck had swallowed, nodded and mummered, “Thanks Ms. H, I-I'll email him or something” and had shuffled back to his car.

He inevitably ended up on his Nana's porch with her scowling at him in a way that he knew too well, “Noah, bubelah, if you've knocked up another gentile girl I swear-”

“Um, no Nana, but I do need your advice about a, ah, person I guess.” Puck coughed a bit uncomfortably and wondered why he always ended up on this porch when something was wrong.

His grandmother gave him a shrewd look, “Come in then, you can't stand on the porch all night.”

It took an exorbitant amount of dancing around Kurt's gender while explaining before his grandmother actually threw her hands up in frustration, “Noah! I know it's a boy, and you know it's a boy so I swear if you don't stop twiddling about I'll get out the spoon and don't think I wont.”

Puck swallowed uncomfortably, but did as he was told because that spoon had played a major part in his childhood and he never wanted to see it again.

Of course once he was done she was silent for far longer than he was comfortable with, and when she finally sighed he jumped a bit. “It would be a boy when you finally got serious about someone.”

“I just don't know what to do-”

“Bullshit, you might carry that heathen of a goy that left your mother's name, but you are a Cohanim at heart boy! And Cohanims do not mope around, they man up. Now you go tell that boy how you feel, and if he doesn't want to hear it then you either get over it or you make him listen.” She scowled at him and prodded him, “And be sure I'll be asking after how this goes mind. Because I'm tired of you taking the easy road out of life. Your father left and that hurt you on a level I care not to think about. But it's time to stop dicking around.”

Puck left not long after resigned to finding Kurt and 'confessing', and it took very little cajoling to get Finn to tell him exactly what school Kurt had transferred to. And Kurt was fairly sure he had his grandmother's permission to skip school the next day to make the 3 hour journey, which Ms. H had totally lied about, and he was pulling into the drive way when he realized that it might not be as easy as he thought it was going to be to find Kurt.

He stood next to car for a while taken aback by the building in front of him, and garnered more than a few odd looks from students. Puck had run out of ideas of ways to find the countertenor and was about to give up and make up some sort of lie to attempt to get past his grandmother's wrath when a familiar voice cut through his reverie.

“So it is you.” Kurt was standing there in the same uniform as all the others, yet somehow just as unique as he'd been at McKinley. “What is it Puckerman? I have class you know.” Puck couldn't fight a relieved smile, but before he could respond an unfamiliar guy came from behind Kurt and slid an arm around Kurt's small waist and pressed a kiss against his cheek. The smile that spread across Kurt's face and the way he relaxed into the casual embrace told Puck more than he ever wanted to know and he had to fight the urge not to physically step back.

“Who's your friend Kurt?” The guy's voice was even and he didn't seem overly protective, just curious.

Puck didn't expect Kurts razor sharp, “He isn't my friend. He's an acquaintance. At best.” before turning back to gaze at him with cold curiosity again.

Puck forced a smile, and leaned back against his car in a faux-relaxed pose. “Just came to let you know, I took care of Azimo and Karofsky. Aretha misses you, you should come back and see her sometime.” He pushed off the car again and didn't meet Kurt's assessing gaze, “And if you ever need to come back, they wont bother you.” Puck paused with a hand on his doorhandle and looked back at the guy now frowning at him confused from where he was wrapped around Kurt, “Also, I don't know who the fuck your friend is, but I swear to god that if I hear one word of you being hurt in any way I'll rip his balls off.”

The guy met his gaze evenly and nodded even as Kurt sputtered, “His friend understands.”

Puck nodded back before looking at a visibly shocked Kurt one last time, “I'm serious about visiting Mercedes. She misses you. Quinn is cool, and Santana is just as bitchy, but they aren't you. And Berry is insufferable. So...just drop by sometime. When we aren't trying to beat your new teams ass.” He gave Kurt a sarcastic salute and was in the car, turning it on and driving off.

It was a long drive back to Lima.

Spirit Day

ashbear02 — Sun, 03 Oct 2010 04:52:25 GMT

Originally posted by neo_prodigy at Spirit Day

It’s been decided. On October 20th, 2010, we will wear purple in honor of the 6 gay boys who committed suicide in recent weeks/months due to homophobic abuse in their homes at at their schools. Purple represents Spirit on the LGBTQ flag and that’s exactly what we’d like all of you to have with you: spirit. Please know that times will get better and that you will meet people who will love you and respect you for who you are, no matter your sexuality. Please wear purple on October 20th. Tell your friends, family, co-workers, neighbors and schools.

RIP Tyler Clementi, Seth Walsh (top)
RIP Justin Aaberg, Raymond Chase (middle)
RIP Asher Brown and Billy Lucas. (bottom)

REBLOG to spread a message of love, unity and peace.

Hangovers and Realizations 1b

ashbear02 — Fri, 10 Sep 2010 07:02:23 GMT

Spencer awoke slowly, warmed completely through and content. He almost thought the previous day had been a dream, but he still ached in a slightly delicious way and Hotch was still wrapped around him. Spencer smiled as he gazed at the older man, he rarely got what he wanted so easily and he wasn’t sure how to feel about his boss practically sweeping him off his feet.

But he did know that he’d never had much more than a one night stand before, and it seemed like Hotch wanted more than that. Spencer wasn’t sure if he wanted a relationship but he knows that he’s up for whatever the older man wanted.

So the easiest thing to do was allow himself to relax against the other man and wait for him to wake up. It wasn’t too long before Hotch tightened his grip on Spencer and sighed before blinking, “Morning?”

Spencer couldn’t help but smile, “Morning!”

Hotch grinned back, “So do you have a place for breakfast you go to on Sundays too?”

Spencer rolled his eyes, “Yes actually, I do.”

“Seriously? Do you never cook?” Hotch’s voice was slightly amused and Spencer just shrugged against him, “Oh well, do you want to go then?”

Spencer shrugged, “If you want to, I need to run by the library at some point today. So…”

“Hmm, what time do they open?”

Spencer blinked slowly, “Wait it’s Sunday?” Hotch nodded silently while nuzzling his cheek, “And it’s the 12th?”

Hotch blinked, “Well…yeah, yeah it is. Why?”

“The book is due today and the only branch of the public library open today is MLK Jr. Memorial and that’s an hour away but they don’t even open until one so I doubt we’ll miss it. But still I hate it when they have irrational due dates.” Spencer tried to ignore the amused look on Hotch’s face as he scrambled over the older man to see the alarm clock, he sighed again. “Come on. It’s only 9 so we should have time for breakfast at Lillian’s if we leave soon…” Spencer was already in his closet to grab some clothes when he realized the older man might not want to go with him.

He bit his lip and shook his head continuing to pull on his clothes, Aaron wasn’t in the bedroom when he came back out and Spencer found him completely dressed in the t-shirt and jeans from the day before in the living room. Spencer clutched the 3 books he needed to return to his chest, things suddenly seemed much more complicated in the light of day.

They’d talked the night before but it just didn’t seem…adequate in the morning light, Hotch wanting to have sex with him on a regular basis didn’t automatically mean his boss wanted to suddenly spend all this time with him.

But when Hotch saw him, the other man just smiled, “Do you mind if we swing by my apartment so I can change? I ah, normally don’t wear the same clothes two days in a row. Although I didn’t spend much time in these, did I?”

Spencer blinked and shook his head, “Of course we can. You don’t even have to come if you don’t want.” He busied himself stuffing the books into his messenger bag and studiously not looking at Hotch.

“Well, if you don’t mind me coming I’d like to. It’s been awhile since I’ve been to the library, and you have good taste in breakfast places.” Hotch’s voice was slow and it was obvious he was weighing his words, and Spencer suddenly felt irrationally angry.

“Look Hotch, I’m serious. You don’t have to force yourself to hang around because we’ve had sex; I know how weird and annoying I can be. Don’t worry about it; I’d rather you were honest.” Spencer knew his voice was sharp even as he stared down at his bag uselessly wondering just what he would do if his boss left, he swallowed at the thought.

He wasn’t expecting the arms that wrapped around his waist and he stiffened momentarily before melting back against the older man, Hotch nipped his ear lightly before resting his chin on Spencer’s shoulder. “I wouldn’t go with you if I didn’t want to, and I’ve always told you before when I found you annoying so I wouldn’t start hiding it now. As for weird, I prefer the term eccentric and I like that about you.”

Spencer sighed halfheartedly feeling comforted despite himself as he rested his hands over the older mans arms, “Hotch, you’ve never told me I was being annoying.”

Hotch’s arms tightened, “Exactly.”

They hung there for a while without moving, and Spencer felt better. Hotch wasn’t anything like the people he was accustomed to sleeping with, for one he hadn’t slunk off in the night to leave Spencer to wake alone with the gnawing fear he was cheap. Finally, to Spencer’s embarrassment, his stomach rumbled in hunger and Hotch gave a huff of laughter against his neck that made him shudder. “Come on babe, lets get you some food.”

“Food sounds good.” Spencer turned as Hotch began to let him go and wrapped his arms around the other man. “Thank you Hotch. Really.”

Hotch’s arms tightened again as Hotch found his mouth for a kiss, “Call me Aaron loverboy. I’m pretty sure we’ve gotten past work etiquette here, in fact I’m pretty sure we ran out of that months ago but now it just seems redundant.” Spencer blinked and opened his mouth to respond but Hotch kissed him again, “No arguments. And I’m the one who should be thanking you. Now come on, lets get you fed soon. I don’t want you to expire on the spot, I have plans for later.”

Lillian’s was another of his weekly haunts that he’d grown incredibly fond of, he’d never actually noticed that the wait staff had apparently become as fond of him until he walked in with Hotch’s arm slung around his waist and Lily herself came out to ask who his friend was. On the whole he found it incredibly embarrassing, but heartwarming as the little old lady poked Hotch with narrowed eyes and made several heavily concealed threats as to what would happen if he “slipped up.”

To his credit Hotch met the woman’s gaze firmly and told her in a completely serious tone that he “had very good balance.” Which Spencer was sure meant a lot more than he was aware of; but it seemed to appease Lily, who smiled and brought them both extra pancakes.

Hotch’s apartment was almost exactly what Spencer had imagined, with a few minor details he hadn’t considered. But trailing a hand along the mantle taking in pictures of Jack, Sean and others Spencer hadn’t met he suddenly wanted to know who all of these people were, he could make extrapolations but he wanted Hotch to tell him, to explain in minute detail who they were and why they graced his mantle.

He was half surprised when he came to a framed print of the photo Penelope had insisted they get taken at the last department picnic, it didn’t seem right that he was anywhere among the pictures of people Hotch obviously held dear. He absently wondered why putting the left over pancakes in the fridge was taking so long when Hotch’s arms slid around his waist again; it seemed to be a habit the other man had picked up somewhere, but one that Spencer was becoming increasingly fond of.

“That was a good day.” Spencer nodded absentmindedly at the other man’s statement still gazing at the picture, “I’m not quite settled in the place yet. But I like it.” That statement caught Spencer’s attention and reminded him of the other man’s recent divorce.

He grimaced slightly, and interlaced his fingers with Hotch’s letting their palms rest against each other. “It’s lovely. Much more organized than my apartment.”

Hotch grinned against his neck, “Ah I dunno, yours is sort of an organized chaos but it’s like a home in that way; mine is just empty.”

Spencer felt horrible at the sad edge that had crept into the other man’s voice; he turned in Hotch’s arms and kissed him wanting to do anything to banish that tone again. Hotch tried to pull away but Spencer let his mouth slip to the older man’s throat, he smirked in triumph as the other man gave a small gasp. “Spencer, you needed to get to the library soon. Please don’t start something you-“ Yup, there were many things in Hotch’s tone, but sadness wasn’t one of them at that point.

Spencer shook his head and let his hands trail down from Hotch’s shoulders to his chest and rubbed at his partners nipples through the thin t-shirt, “They don’t close till 5 and it’s barely noon, we have the time.”

Hotch gave a soft growl and Spencer felt the broad palms trail down to cup his ass briefly before pressing his hips impossibly closer, “I’m serious Doctor Reid, don’t tease me on this.”

“H-hotch I’m not teasing.” Spencer knew his voice was raspy and desperate as he allowed himself to grind against the other man.

And suddenly the other man was stepping back and Spencer was left gasping, and being held at bay by a hand on his chest. “Then strip.” Spencer shuddered again, and watched Hotch sink down onto his long couch. He stood there gasping for air trying to figure out what the older man was talking about, “Trust me Spencer, you’ll thank me for this later. Now strip.”

His hands shook almost visibly as he pulled off his shirt, and it took a few moment of fighting for him to get his pants undone. Standing in front of Hotch completely naked in the daylight was an odd experience, but he allowed Hotch to gaze his fill resolutely. But he welcomed sinking into Hotch’s warm embrace, even if the leather of the couch was cold.

There was something to be said for being naked while your partner was clothed, Spencer shuddered at the rough textures of unfamiliar cloth coupled with the smooth glide of Hotch’s palms along his skin. “God Spencer, you’re amazing.”

Spencer was too busy stifling his own moans as Hotch coaxed him onto his back under the older man’s stockier body, and suddenly the cool leather was just another overwhelming feeling against his overly sensitized skin. “H-hotch-“ Spencer’s voice broke on the name and the older man frowned slightly from above him.

“Aaron. Always Aaron when we’re like this.” His voice was dark and rough and Spencer wanted him to keep talking, to keep touching. But Hotch was just gazing at him, and Spencer felt himself whimper and slid his hands behind his neck to pull the other man down for a kiss. But Hotch resisted with a teasing smile, “Not yet. Almost.”

Spencer was beyond caring how he sounded as he keened softly, and in his hazy brain he had an idea. “A-aron.”

Aaron’s grin broadened and gained a slightly wicked gleam, “That’s better.” And suddenly Spencer felt a jean clad thigh thrust gently against his groin and begin rocking back and forth as Aaron finally claimed his mouth in a kiss.

Spencer felt himself thrusting back against the other man as his mouth was devoured ruthlessly. A hand was pinning his own wrists to the arm rest while the other ran along his side in what should have been a soothing manner, but only fanned the flames burning low in Spencer’s gut. Spencer was half against the other man as he bore down on his body in the most delicious way, and Spencer knew he was making a variety of sounds that would have made him blush any other time but in that moment all he cared about was Aaron’s mouth against his neck, Aaron's hand against his side, the rough feel of Aaron's thigh, and the constriction against his wrists.

He wanted to come, but he didn’t want it to end. He wasn’t thinking as he gasped a litany of Aaron’s name; begging, demanding, praying the other man would do something, anything to take him just there because Spencer was so close.

Then Spencer was there and he was gasping and coming and jerking against the other man’s body, and Aaron was letting go of his wrists to run both hands along his sides soothingly as Spencer slumped back and finally tried to catch his breath. He was vaguely aware of the blush spreading across his cheeks as he gazed up at the smirking Aaron.

“That was evil.” His voice was hoarse, and he swallowed several times as Aaron chuckled above him.

“No that was incredibly hot.” He nuzzled at Spencer’s throat as he attempted to sit up. And finally sat back to let him, of course this just made it easier for Aaron to pull him into another kiss. Finally the other man groaned and climbed off of Spencer, who was breathless again.

“I should get changed.” The older man looked down with a wince, “And take a cold shower or something.”

“Don’t you want me to…” Spencer felt the blush deepen as he paused and Aaron chuckled.

“You shouldn’t do something you’re too embarrassed to talk about.” The other man’s voice was playful but the comment still made Spencer frown.

He felt himself pout as he deftly grabbed the waist of Aaron’s jeans and pulled him back. “You want me to tell you what I want to do?”

Hotch smirked and rested a hand against his hair, “Sure.”

“And then I can do it?” Spencer narrowed his eyes up at the older man who raised his eyebrows in return.

“Only if you can verbalize it.” Aaron’s voice had dipped back down into that throaty tone that Spencer was learning to anticipate.

“Fine. I want to undo your pants.” He paused and looked at Aaron playfully and the other man smirked but nodded, and Spencer deftly undid the button and pulled down the other man’s fly, “I want to pull your pants down just enough.” Spencer again waited for the nod before complying, he smirked. “So someone decided to go commando today, Hotch I’m surprised. How often are you like this at work, hm?” He glanced back up at Aaron who was staring a him a blush spreading across his cheeks, “That’s a lovely mental image, but not right now. Right now I’m going to touch you. “

It was a fun game, and one that Spencer got better at as he went, blowing cool air on the other man and soft kisses against the head but finally pulled the panting Aaron down onto the couch next to him and leaned in to whisper loudly next to his ear, “I’m going to suck you again.”

Aaron groaned and Spencer didn’t wait for the nod as he slipped to the floor and between the half dressed mans thighs. He’d done this twice now, and he definitely enjoyed it; the part of his brain that was still rational mused about it being a control issue. Spencer happily let Aaron lead the way during sex most of the time, he didn’t mind being bossed around in the least, it was reassuring to be told exactly what the other man wanted. It was also nice in a darker way that Spencer wasn’t really ready to dissect yet.

But giving Aaron a blowjob completely turned that power dynamic on its head, because in that moment it was Spencer controlling Aaron’s responses. Spencer was the calm one as he licked and sucked and kissed, and Aaron was the one shuddering and half shouting obscenities, which was why Spencer vaguely thought he should look into finding a book on techniques, since there had to be one out there somewhere. It didn’t take long before Aaron was coming and gasping his name in that breathless tone that made a small part of Spencer glow with pride.

Spencer allowed the older man to pull him up for a kiss, and delighted in the way he was pulled close to Aaron's chest afterward and almost objected when Aaron shifted away. “It's nearly two, we need to head to the library if your going to turn in those books.” Aaron smirked, “Unless you'd rather stay here.”

Spencer felt his eyes widen and bit his lip slightly torn between the two options, “Well I've never actually had a late book, ever, and as much as I would love to just stay here that fact has always sort of been a point of pride that I've allowed myself and...”

He halted awkwardly when Aaron laid a finger against his mouth, “I was kidding. Just let me get dressed while you do too and then we'll take you to the library, I'm fine doing whatever.”

Spencer blinked and wondered again what the hell kind of dream he was having, things like this didn't happen to him. Men he wanted didn't just swoop down out of no where and deign to have sex with him. Life just didn't work that way, and yet it was happening.

He found himself swallowing nervously as he pulled his clothes back on and waited for Aaron to return.

Hangovers and Realizations

ashbear02 — Fri, 10 Sep 2010 07:00:34 GMT

Title: Hangovers and Realizations (1a/?)
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Pairing: Hotch/Reid
Rating: NC-17
Sequel to Shimmy Down with the.....Hotch?
Summary: Aaron wakes up confused, but soon figures it out.
Authors Note: HAPPY BIRTHDAY chiazu !!!!!! Also; holy shit this is the first time I've written something too long for a single post. o_o

Aaron awoke the day after Morgan's birthday party with a massive headache, and severely confused. He was in a strange apartment, lying on an old worn couch that smelled faintly of Febreze and Chinese take-out. He was still looking around in abject confusion only to be greeted with Spencer appearing in the doorway smiling, “You up? Here I’ll get you some coffee and aspirin.”

Aaron sat up, wincing at the headache, only to be greeted with a mug of coffee and a palm with two pills. “Thanks.” His voice was rough, and he swallowed the pills and coffee quickly. “What the hell happened last night?”

Aaron looked up in time to see Spencer bite his lip before smiling again, “You got really very drunk Hotch. You out drank JJ, and you got the worm. Although the worm itself does actually do anything…”

Spencer paused at the look Aaron sent him and shrugged, “I don’t have a key to your place, so I just brought you here instead.”

Aaron frowned, “I didn’t do anything stupid…right?” He could remember his college days all too well and winced slightly.

“Oh no, I don’t think anything you did was stupid. Don’t worry.” Spencer grinned again, and Aaron felt a doubt wriggle in his gut but he shrugged it off. “I was wondering if you wanted to get breakfast? I normally go to Stefanos Dinner for breakfast on Saturdays, it’s only about two streets over so…”

Aaron rubbed the back of his neck but smiled anyway, “Does this Stefano have toast?”

“Yeah, 12 different kinds actually, different types of breads and Jam and stuff; it’s completely hangover friendly.” Spencer’s grin was a bit more genuine this time and Aaron relaxed. Spencer was always easy to be around.

He felt himself raise an eyebrow as his eyes were drawn to small scarf the younger man had wrapped around his neck, he knew Spencer got cold but it was mid July. Surely the younger man couldn’t be that cold.

But he shrugged it off as just an oddity of Spencer and followed his co-worker out of his apartment. The morning passed pleasantly enough, which didn’t surprise Aaron he’d always been overly fond of Spencer. Probably a bit too fond, if he was honest with himself.

Which he tried to be, but admitting to yourself that you wanted to grab your younger subordinate and fuck him would be a bit difficult for anyone. So Aaron generally let himself not think about it. But he found it a bit harder to not stare that morning, something was off about how he was responding; but he refused to analyze it too closely.

He left a few hours after breakfast and made his way home. It was a rainy day and his hangover wasn’t completely gone so he still felt tired, he was getting changed in his bedroom and glanced at his bed speculatively, finally with a sigh he decided he’d allow himself to get a quick shower and then take a nap. It was Saturday, it was lazy, his head hurt, and he wasn’t on duty for once; he was allowed to be lazy.

He settled down into his bed with a sigh, and felt himself drift off to sleep.

The salty tang of sweat on his tongue mingled nicely with the feel of the firm neck between his teeth. Someone was panting and moaning, and Aaron smirked around his mouthful as he squeezed his handful and was rewarded with the prettiest moan he'd heard in a long time followed by “Hotch!” in a should be familiar tone.

Aaron sat straight up with a gasp. That had definitely been one of the most detailed dreams he’d had about Spencer. He allowed himself to relax back onto the pillows with a sigh, and tried to get comfortable again. He wanted to sleep, and just relax for a while; it didn’t take long for him to get comfortable and sleep again.

The wet heat surrounding his cock was like nothing he'd ever experienced; it had been so long since he’d had a blow-job. Haley had never been willing to even consider the idea of giving him one, she’d found even the idea degrading; which Aaron hadn't ever understood. The reality of it was just as amazing as he'd always remembered it to be. It felt exquisite, and wrapping his hands in someone's hair just made it better, if that was possible. It'd been too long, and their tongue was too agile for Aaron to hold out long.

“Spencer, Spencer, oh god!”

Aaron didn’t bother sitting up this time, he just laid there gasping at the ceiling. He gave a groan and scrubbed his face with his hands. He never had this much trouble with the dreams, sure he had them. But not like these, it was almost like they were memories instead.

Then he was jolting to his feet in realization and grinning like a madman; he was shrugging on a t-shirt and jeans before he really thought about it. But he already knew where he was going as he grabbed his keys and headed for the door because he’d realized they were memories. Being drunk always made his memory fuzzy, but Spencer’s too bright smiles and that damn scarf, and even the wording of his answer “I don’t think anything you did was stupid” was shouting that something had happened.

It took him longer than he’d like to get across town to Spencer’s apartment; he froze for a moment unsure of what he’d say before shrugging it off and charging back up to Spencer’s door and knocking on it purposefully. He was met with a slightly surprised looking Spencer and Aaron could remember what he felt like and nearly groaned.

“Hotch? Did you forget something I didn’t notice anything but-“

Aaron blinked but shook his head slightly and stepped into Spencer’s personal space with a wolfish grin, “I forgot something all right, but I remembered it just in time.”

Spencer swallowed and stepped back, forcing a smile “Well then we’ll look for it together? Was it your watch? Or-“

Aaron felt his grin widen as he pulled the door closed behind him and stepped forward into Spencer’s space again, “Definitely not a watch.” Aaron vaguely wondered if this was how a serial killer felt while they were “hunting”, he could almost see the appeal. Then again what he had planned for Spencer-he forced himself to concentrate on the moment. He couldn’t screw this up.

Spencer swallowed again and nervously stepped back turning to lead the way into the living room. And it was terribly easy for Aaron to pull the gangly man back against his own body, allowing his chin to rest on the younger man’s shoulder and his arms to wrap securely around his waist. “I think you know what I forgot, and I think you were going to try and hide it from me. Weren’t you Spencer?”

The younger man’s breathing was beginning to speed up a bit, and Aaron felt truly alive for the first time in months. One of his hands slipped up to the scarf still around Spencer’s neck and played with it idly, “I don’t think you’re actually very cold, my dear doctor. I think,” He gave a sharp tug and freed the loose knot holding the scarf in place to reveal the rather prominent hickey he’d apparently made the night before, “well I think you were just hiding the evidence.”

Spencer was half gasping for breath now, and Aaron let himself finger the mark slightly. “Hotch, don’t play at this. Please.”

Aaron felt himself frown against the younger man’s neck, “I never play about getting what I want Spencer. I go for it. And when I get it, I rarely let it go.”

Spencer made a small sound in the back of his throat and it was all Aaron could do to not take him right there. But he sighed and forced himself to let go of Spencer and step back, “We need to talk about this.” He walked past Spencer and sank onto the couch he’d slept on the night before, and looked expectantly at the younger man who was watching him nervously from the doorway.

Spencer swallowed slightly and made his way to the couch before settling as far from Hotch as he could. Aaron frowned, that definitely wouldn’t do. So he sighed and shifted on the couch until he could pull the younger man close and wrap an arm around him. Spencer stiffened for a moment before visibly relaxing and allowing himself to learn into Aaron.

Aaron sighed contentedly, “That’s better. Now, we need to talk. Because I have a feeling I wasn’t in a very chatty mood last night.”

Spencer smiled ruefully and shook his head, “No not really.”

Aaron smiled and allowed himself to run a hand through the other man’s long hair, “So what exactly happened last night, hm?”

Spencer sighed and Aaron almost expected him to start purring, “You um, you made me uh…well I guess you could call it dancing. Penelope has it on video so I suppose you can judge that one for yourself.”

“She has video?” Aaron knew he should be upset by that, but sitting and well cuddling with Spencer was a bit like petting a cat. It was almost impossible to get mad, so he just gave a small huff of laughter.

“Yeah, that’s why I made you leave. I didn’t think anything would happen, I just…thought you’d been embarrassed enough, and then we got back here…and…” Spencer trailed off meaningfully and Aaron tugged on his hair gently.

“And I probably practically molested you.” Aaron knew he sounded smug, but couldn’t find it in him to care.

“Well yeah, then it only sort of seemed fair that I…y’know…” Spencer swallowed audibly and Aaron laughed.

“Well I’m not complaining. I certainly enjoyed it.” He sighed contentedly, remembering again with a smile.

“You don’t mind then?” Aaron blinked down at Spencer blankly and the younger man frowned, “You were drunk. And I took advantage of you.”

Aaron laughed, “Good lord, you make it sound like you poured the tequila down my throat and forced me to bed.” He paused and raised an eyebrow, “Not that I would have minded that either you know. In fact that sounds a bit like a plan to me…”

He tilted Spencer’s chin up until he could take his mouth in a kiss, and then another and another, until Spencer was boneless and pliable and Aaron was able to maneuver the slightly taller man to straddle his lap properly.

Aaron ran a hand up the other man’s back under his old gray CalTech t-shirt and pulling it off him easily. “Tell me you have lube Spence, and tell me you want this too.”

Aaron could feel the younger man’s breath hitch against his throat as he nuzzled his partner’s ear, “Yeah, yeah I do. I-“ Spencer cut himself off with a sharp gasp as Aaron bit the shell of his ear gently. “I do.” The words were more a moan than English, but Aaron understood him well enough.

“Then lead the way to the bedroom Doctor Reid,” Aaron gave the younger man’s neck one last lave with his tongue before pulling them both up and letting Spencer lead the way to his bedroom shyly.

And Aaron soon found himself shrugging out of his own shirt and pushing an awkward looking Spencer back onto the bed before crawling over him, “Where’s the lube babe?” Aaron almost didn’t want to ask, but he knew he wouldn’t be thinking straight later on, and it was a rather important detail.

“The bed side table.” Spencer bit his lip and Aaron could feel the other man’s gaze follow him as he stretched to get the lube. Sure enough he found an unopened bottle of….Sensual Strawberry Astroglide? Aaron blinked, before turning and raising an eyebrow at Spencer. Who turned beet red and covered his face with his hands, “Penelopeknewstrawberrywasyourfavoritesoshegotmethatasagaggift, buticouldn’tbringmyselftothrowitaway.”

It took a moment for Aaron to figure out what the younger man was saying, but eventually he smirked. “Well then, remind me to thank Penelope.” Spencer gave a small squeak of embarrassment before Aaron threw the bottle on the bed went back to nuzzling his throat. He let a hand trail down to Spencer’s fly and felt the younger man’s hands tighten on his shoulders where they’d come to rest. He bit the sharp collar bone before licking it gently; enjoying the intakes of breath and moans he was rewarded with.

Of course nothing had prepared him for the muttered “Oh god, Fuck.” He was given when he finally slipped his hand into Spencer’s pants. Spence keened and bucked into his hand when he squeezed, and Aaron found his own breath becoming short as Spencer bit his lip and let his hands trail down to Aaron’s chest and torso to his fly.

It didn’t take long and they were both completely naked, and Aaron was the one groaning while Spencer watched silently with the most intense gaze Aaron had ever seen. “God Spencer, you have to stop.”

Spencer rolled his eyes but complied and Aaron leaned down to kiss him forcefully. “I want you to ride my cock. Do you want that?”

“God that sounds hot but I’ve never-“ Spencer’s voice was bordering on hoarse but Aaron felt a lead weight settle in his gut.

“Oh Christ Spencer, tell me you aren’t a virgin.” He forced himself to stop and wait for an answer even as Spencer groaned in complaint.

“I’m not a fucking virgin Hotch, god just because I haven’t freaking ridden someone before doesn’t mean I haven’t fucked and been fucked. Now come back here.” Spencer’s voice was demanding and impatient and Aaron rolled over with a huff of laughter, pulling Spencer along with him.

Spencer sighed contentedly before sitting up and grasping half blindly for the lube and thrusting it into Aaron’s waiting hand. The sweet artificial smell of strawberry permeated the air as Aaron deftly opened the bottle and palmed a rather large amount.

Spencer leaned down to kiss him while spreading his legs and resting lower body against Aaron’s, he gave a sharp gasp as Aaron let his slick palm massage the other man’s anus. “Hotch. It’s been a long…” Spencer gave another loud groan as Aaron eased a finger into him.

Aaron pressed a kiss to the other man’s neck, “Don’t worry. I’d never hurt you.”

Spencer bit his lip again, which Aaron was noticing as a habit but an endearing one, “I know Hotch. Just…slowly?” Aaron groaned but nodded before Spencer kissed him.

They stayed like that for a while, kissing languidly while Aaron played with Spencer, opening him in a way that the younger man hadn’t been opened in a while. Finally Spencer sat up with a gasp and Aaron grunted in disapproval and made to pull him back but Spencer shook his head. “Let’s do this. I want you, now.”

Aaron smiled and handed the younger man the lube, “Who’d have thought that Spencer Reid would be a bossy bottom.”

Spencer stuck his tongue out, “As if you want this any less.”

“Oh no Doctor Reid, you’re setting the pace for this one.” Aaron made a strangled noise as Spencer finally began coating him with lube, “You’re going to ride me and show me just how you like it. So that later when I’m fucking you I’ll know just how and where you want it.”

“God Hotch, stop that.” Spencer’s voice was low again.

Aaron smirked, “Then shut me up Doctor, show me how you like it.”

Spencer gave a slightly strangled groan and sat up to position himself over the older man. Aaron's hands went to his boney hips almost instinctively as the younger man positioned him. And then Spencer was sinking down onto him and Aaron wouldn’t ever forget it.

It was tight and hot and perfect, the only thing that kept Aaron from letting his eyes close at the sheer bliss of the moment was the look on Spencer’s face. The younger man’s eyes were closed, his forehead was furrowed a bit in concentration, and his mouth was slightly open; it was the most erotic thing Aaron had seen in a long time.

Then Spencer was flush with his body, and Aaron was completely inside him. They rested like that for a moment, and when Spencer did finally move it almost took Aaron by surprise. But before long he was thrusting up into Spencer as the younger man rose and fell in a rhythm that was both familiar and completely new. Aaron felt his hands tighten on Spencer’s hips as the younger man started to pant heavily and finally opened his eyes.

“Oh god. Oh God Hotch.” He was falling behind, too caught up in the moment to remember to move and Aaron heard himself give a low growl and slam his hips up into the younger man fiercely. Spencer gave another gasp, and Aaron almost felt guilty but Spencer was nodding. “Again. Oh god again. Do it again, Aaron please.”

So he did. Over and over he drove into Spencer loving that he didn’t have to hold back, that he could just fuck him and the younger man was loving it. One of Aaron’s hands made its way to Spencer’s cock, and Spencer’s eyes fell shut.

It didn’t take long for Spencer to give a small half sob and get even tighter around Aaron. Aaron felt himself slow slightly watching the younger man above him hang there, eyes closed and face twisted until finally he gave another sob and slumped foreword. Spencer caught himself but barely and Aaron was faintly aware of his palm being covered in Spencer’s come.

“Aaron, keep going.” Spencer was nuzzling at his jaw, “Please, I want to feel it when you let go.” And Aaron was groaning again and pumping his hips and Spencer was gasping against his neck while tightening rhythmically around Aaron. And suddenly it was all too much, and he lost the rhythm but he was still snapping his hips.

He. Was. Almost. There.

And then he was there, he could faintly hear someone groaning low in their throat but all he was aware of was the white hot feeling of letting himself completely go. When he finally came back to coherency he was gasping and Spencer was watching him luminously. “God Hotch that was hot.”

Aaron grinned and pulled the younger man down to him, dislodging himself from Spencer in the process which caused Spencer to grimace slightly. Aaron kissed the corner of his mouth, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to get so…”

Spencer snorted, “Yeah, well you did. And you’re going to do it again because that was hot.” He smiled at Aaron softly then, “Besides, I think it’s fairly obvious that I enjoyed it.”

Aaron laughed a bit before groaning, and dragging a pillow over and resting his head on it. “Don’t get too comfortable you.” He prodded Spencer slightly, and the younger man frowned at him, “We both need a shower, so as soon as I feel like I won’t fall over we’re both getting one. Together.” Aaron smirked and let a hand rest proprietorially on Spencer’s ass. “And I want to see if that Astroglide really tastes like strawberries.”

Spencer’s eyes went wide and he gave a small gasp that Aaron found far too endearing. He grinned and sighed pulling the younger man closer, allowing a hand run up and down along Spencer’s back and felt him sigh in response. Then Spencer stiffened a bit and Aaron knew that he’d started to think again and nearly groaned in frustration.

In the end Aaron just released and frustrated breath before sitting up and pulling Spencer up with him, “Now tell me what you’re thinking about.”

Spencer sighed and looked painfully awkward, Aaron rolled his eyes and laid a heavy hand on the back of Spencer’s neck and pulled him in for a kiss. When he pulled away the younger man made a small sound of protest, “Tell me what’s wrong and I’ll kiss you again.”

“I just don’t know what this is.” Aaron blinked and frowned as the younger man shook his head, “I mean do you know the statistics for relationships in the work place? And aren’t you straight? I mean you’ve obviously done this before but when? And Who? And what about Haley? And Jack? And what does this mean about team dynamics? You aren’t going to suddenly listen to me all the time are you? Because sometimes I’m retarded, and as hot as the thought of you fucking me over your desk is we’d probably be caught and…” Spencer suddenly looked appalled and started to pull away, “Hotch you could be fired over this!”

Aaron just sat there listening with a puzzled look until Spencer pulled away, and he frowned before pulling him back, “Okay, I don’t know the statistics and frankly I don’t want to, and I’ve never hidden the fact that I’m bi it just never really comes up. But Spencer I went to college in the 80s, if you didn’t experiment you were weird. And what on earth do you mean ‘What about Haley and Jack?’ she left me. She can get over it, and Jack likes you, you know that. Hell Haley likes you, so I don’t see a problem.” Spencer was looking at him surprised and Aaron forced himself to continue, “As to team dynamics, no nothing is going to change, and I’m not going to get fired.” He smirked, “I can’t make any promises about fucking you on my desk. You’re right, that’s a seriously horny thought, thanks for the idea.”

Spencer swallowed as Aaron drew him back and nuzzled his ear, “As for what this is, it’s you and I getting to know each other before we go back to work on Monday. As for what we are at the moment, I don’t know. We’ll figure that out as we go, what matters is I want you and you want me. So just relax okay?”

Spencer sighed and relaxed against him again, “Kay. I can try to do that.”

“Now I think I promised you a kiss.” Aaron stood up and Spencer only watched him until Aaron gave a low sigh and pulled him up as well. “Bath time.”

Spencer frowned, “My shower isn’t that big so…”

“Hun, we won’t need that much room. I don’t plan to be that far from you.” Aaron knew his grin was borderline lecherous, but he couldn’t find it in him to care as he lead a wide-eyed Spencer to the ensuite bathroom.

Getting the shower the right temperature was easy enough, and Aaron turned back to see a wide eyed Spencer staring at him. “Come on then.” Spencer sighed awkwardly climbed in next to Aaron and stood under the shower. Aaron sighed and stepped closer, burying his face into the younger man’s neck and licking at the hickey he’d made, loving that it was there. Spencer sighed and rested his hands on Aaron’s back, gasping every once in awhile at the way Aaron nibbled at his neck.

Aaron smiled, “Has anyone ever told you that you have an amazing neck?”

“No?” His partner’s voice was a bit confused, but Aaron could tell it was pleased as well.

Aaron gave a small huff, “Well you do. Now I think it's time for that kiss.” He pulled away and Spencer looked at him expectantly, only to give a small confused sound when Aaron eased him around to face the wall. “Just go with it.” Aaron’s voice was low again, and he smiled against Spencer’s neck at the younger man’s sigh of annoyance.

It’d been too long since Aaron had been able to have this much fun with someone else’s body, and he was definitely going to savor it. He smiled at the way Spencer was gasping as he bit his way down the other mans back, “Hotch, what-“ He made a strangled sound in the back of his throat as Aaron sank to his knees and began to spread his cheeks, “Oh my god, Hotch what on earth?”

Aaron rolled his eyes, “I’m making sure that you’re ok, and then I’m giving you a kiss.”

“That is in no way sanitary!” Spencer’s strangled tone made Aaron give a small smile as he inspected the small hole in front of him. He’d been harder than he’d meant to be earlier, but it seemed like Spencer had come through it alright, which was a relief. Aaron smirked and licked his lips before allowing himself to actually find out if that lube tasted like strawberries. “Oh, you were serious!”

The sweet tang of artificial flavoring didn’t cover up the taste of Spencer and Aaron gave a small exhale of satisfaction as he laved the small hole gently, easing his tongue in and out and Aaron was vaguely aware of Spencer’s hands scrambling on the smooth wall and panting Aaron’s name. Before long Spencer was incoherent and Aaron was pulling back more than a bit smug.

He hoisted himself to his feet easily before pressing another kiss against the back of Spencer’s neck, “Come on, let’s get you clean.”

Spencer made a small sound before turning around and glare at Aaron still panting, “You…what the hell?”

Aaron smiled and pressed another kiss against Spencer’s cheek, “I gave you a kiss.”

Spencer sighed and shook his head, “Only you.” He laid his hands on Aaron’s neck and pulled him in for an actual kiss and Aaron groaned when Spencer pulled away with a smile, “That’s a kiss. But…the other was good too.”

Aaron smiled “You liked it?”

Spencer rolled his eyes, “As if you couldn’t tell.”

Aaron grinned and as they both got clean again and got out of the shower he had to fight the urge to constantly touch Spencer. They were both clean and in sweatpants when Spencer finally turned to Aaron with a small smile, “We should eat you know, it’s going on 6. So the question is really, what’s your favorite take-out?”

“Hmmm, know any good Thai places?” Aaron couldn’t resist wrapping his arms around the slighter man, “And next week I’m going to cook for you, so you’ll just have to come to my place.”

Spencer grinned, “Yeah? And I know a good place, let me get the menu and we can call in.” Aaron let the younger man go, and moved to the couch with a sigh. It didn’t take long for the younger man to come back and settle next to him with the phone and menu, “So what do you like?”

It almost felt too easy to pick something out and watch Spencer place their order, to pull the slighter man into the circle of his arms and play with his hair. Spencer lazed against him with a smile, and somehow they were able to actually have a conversation. Spencer animatedly waving his hands in front of them while they talked, and Aaron indulgently adding his own opinion now and again; by the time Spencer had worked his way to why whaling should be illegal the doorbell was being rung and the taller man was scrambling to get to it.

He came back bearing a paper bag, 2 forks, and had somehow acquired a shirt and that damn scarf. Aaron felt himself frown, but accepted the food Spencer offered him without comment. They were silent while they ate, and Aaron knew Spencer was sending him anxious looks.

Aaron sighed when he was done and held his hand out for Spencer’s now empty carton before stuffing them both in the bag and taking them to the garbage. When he’d settled back on the couch, Spencer buried his face against Aaron’s neck. “Why’re you angry with me?”

Aaron sighed and shook his head, “I’m not. Really I’m not. Just…” he tugged on the scarf, “Why did you put this on? The shirt I can get but the scarf?”

Spencer blinked at him “It’s…I don’t…like people seeing….that…”

“Spencer. You told me there’s video of us dancing, is it true?” Aaron drew a hand through the younger man’s long hair after he nodded, “Does that bother you?”

Spencer blinked, “Um, not really. The team won’t do anything, not really. They’ll have a laugh over it, but they just want me happy. Even when they have the most stupid ways of expressing it.”

Aaron nodded, “Are you planning on telling your mother?”

“That we’re having sex?” Spencer’s tone was sarcastic and Aaron tugged his hair a bit with a smile and Spencer sighed, “Yes, I probably will end up telling her we’re together....or whatever it is we are.”

“Fair enough. Now,” Aaron pulled Spencer closer and rested his forehead against Spencer’s, “if you’re okay with all that, why does it matter what some punk thinks?”

“It doesn’t.”

Spencer’s voice was soft and Aaron smiled and pulled him in for a kiss, “No more scarf?” Spencer nodded with a small smile, “You know why? Because it doesn’t matter what the hell they think. What matters is that you and I like it. But I think we can find a use for that scarf.”

Aaron pulled away far enough to tug the scarf away from Spencer’s throat, again revealing the hicky. He leaned further back and tugged lightly on Spencer’s shirt, and sat back watching the younger man pull it off. “Have you ever had your hands tied?” Aaron knew his voice had dropped a few tones and he grinned when Spencer’s eyes widened.

“Um, no?” Spencer’s voice was more than unsure as he gazed at Aaron, slightly frightened but it was also fairly obvious he was turned on as well.

Aaron pulled him close again, “Want to try it?” Spencer blinked at him slowly before nodding and holding his wrists out half expectantly, but Aaron just shook his head and turned him around. “I’m not going to tie them tight but they won’t be loose either okay?” Spencer nodded again as Aaron wrapped the soft length of cloth around his wrists and tied it securely.

Aaron leaned back to inspect his work with satisfaction, Spencer was half naked and bound looking back at Aaron over his shoulder. Aaron grinned; the only thing that could possibly make this sight any hotter was if he got rid of Spencer’s pants.

Which he could do, so he did; and was greeted by the sight of a completely naked Spencer Reid kneeling on the couch practically panting as Aaron inspected him. Aaron hadn’t ever played much with the whole bondage thing, but this was very nice and definitely something he could get used to.

Aaron wasn’t quite sure what he wanted to do with Spencer first, but he knew before he did anything he needed to fetch the lube. So he did, and came back to see Spencer struggling to right himself on the sofa since he’d apparently fallen over. Aaron knew Spencer wouldn’t appreciate being called cute, so he didn’t. He just set the lube on the coffee table and moved to help the younger man.

“So Doctor, what should we do?” Aaron had arranged them on the couch so that Spencer was half in his lap and in the perfect position to be petted like a cat. Which the younger man didn’t seem to mind at all, and Aaron was practically expecting him to purr. “Your choices are fairly straight forward; I could bend you over the couch itself, you could give me another blow job, or I could finger fuck you over the coffee table.”

Spencer’s breathing hitched as Aaron made a soft “hmmm” sound in the back of his throat, “You know my dearest Doctor, we could do all three. I think I like that idea the most.” Spencer’s breathing was definitely labored now, as Aaron helped him ease onto the floor and between his knees. Slipping off his sweatpants was easy, and having Spencer’s mouth on him was definitely even better than he remembered it.

The younger man was definitely new at it, but Aaron couldn’t find it in him to care as he slipped his hands into the long hair in front of him. “God Spencer,” His voiced sounded choked but as he fought to keep his hips still he honestly didn’t give a damn. It wasn’t long before Aaron forced himself to push Spencer back; as nice as it would be to just lounge there, he had plans.

Aaron knew Spencer had no idea how attractive he was, which only made him more attractive in a way; but seeing Spencer kneeling in front of him with slightly bruised lips and half-lidded eyes, completely and utterly his was an awesome sight. Aaron felt himself groan as he pulled Spencer in for a kiss, “Come on babe, I promised a few things and it’s time to deliver.”

Spencer was already on his knees, so arranging him over the low coffee table was a simple matter of easing him over until his chest was resting against it and gently forcing him to spread his legs. And then it was time to play, so Aaron did. Littering Spencer’s back with kisses and bites while fingering him experimentally. He knew when he’d found the other man’s prostate from the inarticulate cries and struggling that commenced; Aaron smirked and took note of the angle for later.

He let himself play with the other man’s body for a lot longer than he necessarily needed to, but he finally pulled them both to their feet and helped a slightly unsteady Spencer around to the back of his couch. Spencer didn’t even need to be told what to do, he leaned over and spread his legs with a groan that made Aaron grin.

Fucking Spencer that time was different. Aaron wasn’t as on edge and he went slower, loving the feel of the man beneath him, the sight of Spencer arching back to meet him, and the sound of Spencer’s groans. It took a lot longer for him to come, but Spencer tightening around him as the slighter man finally gave in was enough to drag him over the edge as well.

He finally sighed and pulled away with a grimace a few moments later, “Come on you, let’s get you to bed.”

Spencer only nodded and allowed Aaron to guide him back to the bedroom. Settling into the bed with an armful of newly untied Spencer was a nice change to his now accustomed solitude. The way the younger man gazed at him silently was a bit unnerving, but Aaron knew that the poor guy was probably reeling from the day so all he did was press a kiss to the edge of his mouth again. The other man gave a sleepy sigh and cuddled impossibly closer to Aaron, pressing a kiss of his own against Aaron’s mouth. “Thank you.”

And Aaron felt undone.

Continue

The Jazz Hands Killer: Chapter 2

ashbear02 — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 04:09:37 GMT

Title: The Jazz Hands Killer
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Pairing: Hotch/Reid

Rating: PG (at the moment at least)
Summary: Aaron Hotchner is the chief of the BAU, and he takes his job incredibly seriously. But things get personal when a serial killer in New Orleans forces him to cross paths with Dr. Spencer Reid, professor of criminology.

Author's Note: Sorry this took so long but I needed to finish up another series for NCIS. This should pick up soon. =3 ALSO THIS IS DEDICATED TO ALI! BECAUSE I WANT HER TO FEEL BETTER!!!!

Aaron Hotchner knew two things the moment he laid eyes on Spencer Ried; first there was no way that man had killed 7 people, second was that in the most basic way he wanted the younger man. As usual he was able to push his baser instincts down to focus oh glaring at a recalcitrant Penelope who was supporting the sobbing blonde woman. He massaged his temple before following the three others into the processing room.

Penelope was settling the other woman in a chair when she finally said, “Sir...I can explain...”

“There isn't much to explain Penelope, you knew you knew a suspect and you insisted on coming anyway.” He paused to glare at her a bit more intensely for a moment as she fidgeted, “You could have at least told me, I'd have let you come anyway. You know that.”

Penelope sighed, “I'm sorry sir. Really I just-”

“Not now. Save it for later.” He held up a hand and raised an eyebrow, the silent 'not while we have possible suspects in the room' rang between them unsaid.

The tall man cleared his throat, “I'd like to get this over with? Please? It's just I've always y'know watched this happening to others so it happening to me is odd.”

The woman in the chair gave another choked sob that sounded oddly like “God, Spencer who cares at this point?!”

Penelope smiled wanly at Aaron, “I'll take JJ. Finger Prints and mouth swab right?”

Hotch nodded silently as he turned to the younger man who's hands were casually stuffed into his pockets, he felt himself sigh. “So I take it you'd rather do the mouth swab first then?”

Almost immediately the younger man's hands were held in front of him, palms up. Hotch tried not to notice the way his eyes dilated just a bit, or the way his prominent adam's apple bobbed when he swallowed nervously. Hotch was reasonably sure he didn't necessarily need to take the extra precaution of grasping the man's hand and guiding it from the ink to the paper or to gently press the pad of his fingers to the designated squares over and over and over, but he told himself it was purely professional. He'd hate for somehow the fingerprints to......not come out right and have then man get in trouble for it. Later he'd tell himself that cleaning the blushing man's fingers himself with the baby wipe had been a form of apology; of course Hotch had gotten very good at lying to himself.

He was fairly sure however that they were both fully aware of the fact that Aaron had spent far more time than necessary swabbing the inside of the taller man's cheek, but really he was far too pretty sitting there with his mouth open to not take his time on the job. Finally though he pulled back and again he spared a brief thought on how no man swallowing should be that sexual.

From then on out however he had to pull himself back to Agent mode and try to stop looking at the man like he'd want to, as Morgan had so lovingly phrased it earlier, “eat” him. He sighed as he turned from the man to gather the blonde womans, Ms. Jareau's, prints and sample from Penelope to take them to a tech. With curt instructions to made the results first priority, he was on his way back to the holding room.

He gestured for Penelope to join him in the hall for a moment, and he caught a glimpse of the tall man staring at the clearly distraught woman with a set jaw. Penelope shut the door behind her carefully, looking at him nervously from under her eyelashes in a way that Hotch had always found endearing. She knew this and was obviously using it to her advantage, the sneaky bitch.

“Sir, I really am sorry. I just knew that if it was my JJ she'd need me and I couldn't not risk it you know? I should have trusted you.”

Of course staying mad at Penelope was fairly impossible, so Hotch sighed again and realized that very soon he'd need pain killers again. “What's done is done, will you tell me at least how you know her now?”

Garcia sighed, “Well it's.....it's sort of silly.” Hotch crossed his arms and sent her a stare, she bit her lip before shaking her head. “Okay, so you know in high school how you used to have sort of pen pals?” Hotch blinked at her and nodded, Penelope sighed again. “Well JJ was mine. Except we ended up trading phone numbers and email addresses, and in college we met up a few times. She told me she'd moved to New Orleans to manage a Jazz singer she'd met and I thought she was crazy. But Hotch, she couldn't kill anyone. I promise. I don't know about this Spencer Reid character yet, but JJ? She couldn't.”

Hotch shook his head, “We'll know soon. Thankfully this killer is reckless enough to leave behind fingerprints and DNA.”

“Do I want to know how he left the DNA?” Her voice was soft.

Hotch paused for a moment, “You'll find out soon enough, we'll need you to run down a few leads shortly, but if you want to be able to look your friend in the face when you go back into that room I shouldn't tell you.”

She swallowed loudly, “Okay.”

Hotch sighed, “Come on, you can sit with us while I question them. But don't interrupt, I understand your faith that she didn't do it. But you still have to treat her as a suspect until those results come back. Can you do that? Or at least allow me to do so until we get them?”

She nodded and followed him back into the room, the man had moved to wrap an arm around the woman. And as he met Hotch's gaze he said in a clear voice, “I know it's against procedure to question us together, but please....She's been through enough.”

“I'm aware of what she's been through. I'll still need to ask you both a few questions though.” Hotch gestured at the table in the center of the room that he'd used to take the man's fingerprints. “Could the two of you come sit here? Just so I can take some notes?”

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Penelope move to her friend's side and help the woman to her feet and lead her over to the table. Spencer Reid stood and stared at Hotch for a moment before giving him a tight smile, “Thank you. Really. I know you don't have to be this kind to us.”

Hotch nodded slightly hoping his gut was right about these two being innocent.

~~~~

Spencer sighed as he settled himself in the chair next to JJ and her friend and across from the man who'd taken his fingerprints and DNA, somehow turning that into an almost obscene sexual act, not that Spencer minded overly much.

The beginning questions were terribly routine, “Where were you on Saturday at 6?” and “Were you and any of the other victims connected?” And Spencer sighed knowing that the questions probably wouldn't be getting anymore interesting.

Sure enough it wasn't long before was nodding and standing, “I'm afraid we'll need to keep you in custody until you're cleared.”

“Are we going to be moved to a holding cell then?” Spencer knew he probably sounded sarcastic but he was tired, and sad, and the thought of spending time in a holding cell with who-knows-who-else for at least a day wasn't pleasant.

The man, who had studiously not met Spencer's gaze finally did; he looked vaguely appalled. JJ gave a vague wimper from somewhere beside him and the woman (who Spencer had gathered was named Penelope) stood slightly, “Sir, um, could I um....keep an eye on JJ? I just...really don't think she'd do well in a holding cell right now and....”

The man pinched the bridge of his nose, “No one is going into the holding cells, although you're right they should be assigned to an agent.” He blinked for a moment, “You take Ms. Jareau and I suppose Mr. Reid is with me for the time being.”

“He's a doctor you know. So if you're going to be ridiculously formal you should call him Doctor Reid, or Professor Reid.” Spencer turned to blink at his blonde friend, but she just waved him off, “And my mother was Ms. Jareau. Call me JJ. Please.”

“Alright JJ, I'll let Garcia get set up while Doctor Reid and I go and work on the profile.” The man made an exagerated motion for Spencer to follow him, and Spencer sighed as he pushed back from the table to follow the man.

~~~~

Hotch really needed more Tylenol. If Haley had been there she'd have tutted about his liver and told him that his high stress 'lifestyle' was to blame, but there was a reason they'd gotten a divorce not long after their son was born.

But really that was besides the point; the point was gazing at a map thoughtfully and biting an all too tempting lip. The point was Dr. Spencer Reid. Who was technically a suspect, but rapidly becoming a consultant.

He was also rapidly making Hotch wish for things he had no business wanting.

“Oh my gosh.”

The hushed exclaimation took Aaron by surprise but the yougner man was suddenly standing and pointing at the map; “That's it!”

Aaron blinked, “What's it?”

“The connection!” Spencer turned to him with a grin, “It's The Raven!”

Hotch blinked, “The Raven?”

“The Raven is an extremely posh Jazz Club in the French Quarter, and all of the victims have performed there in the past two months.” Spencer's grin turned smug, “That's what the connection is. It's a highly exclusive place to play, that's how he's choosing his victims.”

Aaron blinked, before allowing himself to smile. “Dr. Reid, you are definitely on the team.”

Brick by Brick 8/8

ashbear02 — Fri, 25 Jun 2010 05:22:36 GMT

Title: Brick by Brick

Fandom: NCIS

Pairing: Gibbs/Tony

Rating: PG-15

Author's Note: Well kittens it's done. =3 I hope you like the ending, well I like to think of it as a beginning, but hey that's just me. This does mean that work will begin on My Belle again sometime soon, thanks for your patience and I hope you've enjoyed it!

It was hours later and Tony was watching Gibbs, and Gibbs was watching Tony, and they were both laying in bed and were close enough to touch but not. There hadn't been any sex Tony had already felt raw, open, and slightly betrayed, but seeing her car in the driveway had been an axe to the heart. Sex wasn't what he'd needed, and Gibbs hadn't even mentioned it. They'd shared kisses and Gibbs had helf him like he was something precious but Tony still had that niggling feeling.

Tony sighed as he thought about Jenny, and how she'd told him that he needed to talk to Gibbs, make him understand and acknowledge the pain that he'd put Tony through. But...neither of them talked about feelings, it just wasn't something they did. Tony put up with it for Jenny's sake, but he wasn't good at it and it didn't come easy to him. But after tonight, he needed to know that Gibbs understood and the only way that would happen is if they talked about it.

Tony sighed again and shifted slightly, “Gibbs, I...I think we need to have that talk.”

He winced as Gibbs stiffened, “Tony I told you....”

Tony shook his head and cut him off, “and I believe you. But......we need to talk about...well I need to talk about how it felt before.”

Gibbs' jaw clenched and Tony suppressed the urge to kiss him until he relaxed, “I know I hurt you. I understand.”

“I thought you understood before all this happened. I don't want to make that mistake again.” Tony tried to sound firm, but he wasn't sure if it worked at all.

Gibbs sighed, “Can I at least....” He paused for a moment and Tony met his gaze frankly before moving closer and allowing the strong arms wrap around him.

“You might regret this in a while you know. It's not pleasant.”

The arms only tightened and Gibbs' voice was gruff when he said, “Yeah well I'd rather it like this than any other way so you might as well tell me what you need to so we can sleep.”

Tony sighed and resisted the urge to nuzzle against the older man's throat, “Well...I-I guess I don't know how to start.”

“The beginning is as good a place as any.” Gibbs voice was forcefully positive and it made Tony roll his eyes.

“I'm not even going to comment on the fact that the one time you semi-quote a movie, it's The Sound of Music. Sheesh Boss.” His smile faded and he nodded slightly, “Fine well them I suppose I always thought of this as a relationship. I thought we didn't need to say the words for it to be real, you know? I just thought.....I thought we were doing the whole 'I'm a big bad marine who doesn't talk about my feelings so I show them through action' thing. And...and I let it go on like that because I didn't want to push you too far, because you were the best damn thing to happen to me in years if not ever and I wasn't willing to risk that.” Tony swallowed and he was briefly thankful for the arms that had tightened around him,

“I knew Hart was attracted to you, the slut didn't exactly hide it. And I knew she was your type, and I just....I knew that I needed to keep an eye on it but at the same time I didn't think that much of it you know? I trusted that you understood. But you didn't. And-and then I went to your place and....and well....I....I saw that kiss. Then it was obvious you knew I knew, because you weren't really talking to me anymore and I had no idea and.....and then Ducky of all people talked at me about it.” Tony shook his head. “And I felt pathetic. I felt used and alone and I drank a lot and it wasn't healthy. And I can't do that again. I can't. I felt.....I don't even know how to tell you what I felt.” Tony ignored how his voice broke on the word know, he just tightened his hold on the other mans chest and allowed himself to be crushed into it.

“I need to know you understand that this isn't casual, and that it never was for me. I have to know you get it because if you don't or you can't, I need to get out now.” Tony couldn't look at Gibbs face after that, he just buried his face in the older mans neck and tried to regain some of his composure.

It was silent for a long time before Gibbs pulled away to meet Tony's gaze, “I'm sorry I didn't understand.” He pressed a kiss against Tony's forhead, “I do now. I wont get it wrong again, and I'll spend however long you need me to making it up to you.”

Tony smiled and something cold and sharp in his chest dulled a bit, “Thank you.”

Gibbs let out a large pained sounding breath, “Thank you.”

They slept then.

~~~~

Time passed as time often does. And things changed in subtle ways, almost without Tony noticing. Coffee would appear on his desk in the morning before they were called to a case; it was always exactly how he liked it, hazelnut creamer and all. Gibbs started forcing him to eat and sleep on difficult cases, and there was less competition with the rest of the team for acknowledgment. Then he noticed Gibb's house change, slowly but surely. He got a new bed, although that happened early on since Tony patently refused to sleep in anything that had “harbored the slim” that was Allison Hart, a ziplock bag of sugar took up permanent residence next to the coffee maker and a carton of creamer was now in the fridge.

And eventually he came over one evening to find a Television had been set up in the lounge area that had once been a dining room. When Tony had asked Gibbs about it he'd gotten a gruff, “It looked stupid in the living room.” The kiss that followed had apparently been satisfactory, because the next time he came over to the house Tony found two shelving units next to the TV so that he could “help” Gibbs pick out some movies for his new collection.

They also talked more, much more than they ever had before. Which really was a ton of talking, since Tony'd been amazed about how much they'd talked about before. But now? Now they were talking all the time, and on certain occasions they'd talk about the past. Not often, because neither of them liked to but the first time Gibbs had mentioned Kelly it had somehow evolved into a discussion. So that the next time Tony mentioned his father the same thing happened, and suddenly Tony realized what it was like to be able to trust someone again.

So when he came home one evening after they'd wrapped up a case that had landed him in the ER with a graze wound for the god-only-knows-how-manyth time and found Gibbs waiting for him he wasn't surprised. The pained, “Tony come home with me.” did surprise him, because he knew Gibbs meant for more than the night. But he'd sighed, nodded and allowed the older man to pack him an overnight bag and bundle him into the car. Later that night when they were laying in bed and Gibbs sighed against his neck Tony knew he'd move in soon.

He thought of Jenny, who was so happy for him, and how she was still looking for someone, of Jimmy and Hannah and how Jimmy had asked him what kind of ring he should get for her, and of Abby and Ducky and the team. And he realized he was happy. And that maybe he'd be okay, even if Hart did ever show up.

Because this time they'd laid their foundation brick by brick together. Tony smiled and allowed himself to fall asleep, confident that he was home.

Brick by Brick 7/?

ashbear02 — Wed, 23 Jun 2010 06:28:29 GMT

Title: Brick by Brick chapter 7

Fandom: NCIS

Pairing: Gibbs/DiNozzo

Rating: PG-13

Author's Note:

Sorry it's taken so long. Real life does that. More soon though. *hopefully*

Tony stared at the key laying on his dining table. He smiled slightly despite himself, Gibbs might not be perfect but sometimes he definitely knew something about making a grand gesture sincere. Tony was completely screwed, and he knew it. He just needed to be sure Gibbs didn't know it for a while, after all Tony wasn't that easy.

He'd been debating adding it to his key-chain for over a week, he'd honestly been avoiding it. That almost made it all seem too easy. But Tony knew he only had a limited amount of time before Jenny showed up so they could go to the wedding.

His hands shook a little and he cursed as he struggled with the ring and key, trust a key to Gibbs' house to be difficult. He swore softly at the sharp knocks that alerted him to Jenny's presence at his door. Finally the key slid onto the ring and he was able to trot to the door and open it.

“There you are! I was worried you'd forgotten or-” Tony wasn't surprised to see that Jenny was quite obviously in a tizzy of nervous emotion. She looked lovely, but she was biting her lip and twirling a piece of hair almost frantically.

Tony shook his head, his issues with Gibbs paled in comparison. “You know I wouldn't forget, the wedding starts in about an hour. It'll take us about half an hour to get there, and we're not going to the reception. Right?”

She nodded and leaned into the arm he wrapped around her shoulders. “Thanks Tony. Really.”

“It's okay, really. I'm driving though.”

She laughed a bit breathlessly, “Yeah that's probably for the best.”

Tony sighed as they walked into the brightly lit hall 45 minutes later with Jenny clutching his arm. The next few hours wouldn't be pleasant.

~~``~~

Gibbs frowned down at his phone, Tony wasn't answering. Which wasn't a big deal, but the part of Gibbs that had been half giddy with hope that they could go to dinner or something wasn't so giddy anymore.

He sighed and decided he'd try back in a few hours, but in the meantime he'd figure out something to work on in the basement.

About three hours later he had the base for a bookshelf almost done when his phone rang. He didn't really think when he answered it with his customary grunt.

“Hey, you called?” Tony's voice was tinny, but obviously tired but a part of Gibbs was getting giddy again because if nothing else Tony had called him back.

“I was just wondering if you wanted to have dinner tonight.” Gibbs tried to sound casual, he wasn't sure if he succeeded.

Tony was silent for a moment before he sighed, “Yeah, I'll be there as soon as I can. Hannah has Jenny duty tonight, it's apparently something that she needs another girl around to deal with. Whatever, I need a shower so it might be...”

“Tony, it's okay. Just come when you can.”

Tony sighed again, “Thanks Gibbs. Really, I...I'll see you soon.”

An hour later Gibbs had lost himself in the wood again when he heard the door swing open, he smiled slightly and set his tools aside and dusting his hands off. He was about to start coming upstairs when Tony opened the door. Gibbs smile grew a bit more, and he was pleased to see Tony smile back.

“I knew you'd be down there. Starting another boat?”

Tony's tone was teasing and Gibbs just shook his head and snaked an arm around Tony's waist as he passed by. “Nah, just a bookshelf at the moment.”

“Abby still doesn't know how you got that thing out of there.” Gibbs was gratified by the fact that Tony didn't pull away, he just moved with Gibbs to the kitchen and accepted the proffered soda.

Gibbs snorted, “I'll take that to the grave.”

“She might put you there trying to find out.” Tony smiled widely at him and Gibbs felt himself give a soft huff of laughter.

“Nah, she wont. She'd miss me too much and she knows it.” Gibbs dropped into one of the kitchen chairs with a sigh, “So. What do you want to do tonight? Dinner?”

Tony winced slightly, “I don't think I'm up for any fine Dining tonight, just....after today not really in the mood.”

Gibbs nodded, “Chinese, Thai or Pizza? And what was so bad about today.”

“Pizza would be awesome.”

Gibbs nodded slowly, “Alright.”

Tony sighed, “I'll tell you just....after Pizza, okay?”

Gibbs snagged Tony's hand and squeezed it, “You don't have to tell me anything. But I'd like you to. Now go figure out what we're doing after Pizza, there has to be a movie you want to see in the theaters now.”

“Gibbs, you don't have to...”

Gibbs glared at the younger man who was lingering, “When have you known me to do something I don't want to do.”

“Well.....”

Gibbs smiled, “Exactly. Now go on my laptop is in the living room.”

Tony grinned, “First time it'll be used for something other than work, huh?”

“Probably.” There wasn't a point denying it and Gibbs knew it. He watched the younger man wander towards the living room and shook his head slightly, slightly in wonder of the fact that Tony was there at all.

He called their normal pizza joint and ordered, was assured it'd be delivered as soon as possible and made his way to the living room to find Tony taping away on his laptop.

“Anything good?” Gibbs dropped onto the couch beside Tony and fought a smile as the agent smiled at him.

Tony hummed distractedly, “Not...really. Unless you want to want to see Toy Story 3. I think most of the war movies would hit a bit close to home. And Toy Story might as well.” He met Gibbs' gaze with a smile, “But that's okay. You were willing to see a movie with me. That's actually kind of remarkable.”

“Well we have half an hour to kill before the Pizza gets here.” Gibbs tried not to stare at the younger man, but it was a little hard when having him in the room at all had sparked that small ball of happy hope in his gut again.

Tony sighed and shifted slightly before returning Gibbs' gaze, but his expression wasn't happy. Gibbs swallowed, “Everything okay Tony?”

“You wouldn't marry Hart, would you boss?”

Gibbs stared at the younger man for a moment, genuinely puzzled. “What are you on about Tony, marry her?”

Tony sighed, “Well you're the marrying kind Gibbs, and I've met your ex-wives and none of them were sweet gentle bred ladies. So y'know Hart sort of fit and....” The silent I don't rang between them uncomfortably.

Gibbs sighed, “If I'd never met you, yeah. I might have. But those women are all ex's for a reason Tony. I tried for a long time to replace something that can't be replaced.” Gibbs shifted uncomfortably, “Shannon......she wasn't timid. But she wasn't Allison Hart. I think I've finally gotten it through my own fat skull that you can't just replace someone you love. You have to move on.”

“Have you moved on?”

Gibbs knew the question was a landmine, even more than the previous one he sighed again and wished he'd grabbed a beer. “I'm trying. You're the closest I've come, and if I haven't screwed that up beyond hope I plan to keep trying until I do.”

Tony gave a half nod, and failed at a smile. “I'm trying too boss.”

“Tony, where were you today?” Gibbs didn't think about it when he moved to cup the younger man's cheek gently, but he was thankful not to be shaken off. “You seem.....I dunno upset. I don't like it.”

Tony sighed, “You remember Jenny? My Jenny, not.....Madame Director Jenny?” Gibbs nodded silently, and the explaination that followed made him frown.

“She went?” Tony nodded and Gibbs shook his head, “That man doesn't deserve to be called a man.”

Tony's smirk was bitter, “Some would say the same about you. And me.”

Gibbs shook his head sadly, “I'd never do that to you. Just like I never invited old girlfriends to my wedding, just seems.....kinda crude doesn't it? Especially if we parted on bad terms.”

“Boss....” his voice was bitter and Gibbs hastened to cut him off.

“Oh don't get me wrong Tony, I'm a jack ass. But.....if you'd made it plain from the start you didn't want anymore to do with me I wouldn't rub salt in your wounds by inviting you to a wedding. I'm pretty pathetic, but that's a low I hope I never reach.”

Tony's smile was a bit more genuine and he leaned into Gibbs hand, “Well. I suppose we don't have to worry about that anyway. But Jenny does want me to talk to you about stuff...”

Gibbs blinked, “Stuff?”

“She's convinced if we talk about how I felt about the whole thing....well she wants you to understand what it did to me......so that...well you wont do it again.” Tony sighed, “And really she's kind of right. I mean....I can't do this if the next time some redhead shows up for a good time you'll just....up and run with it. Because........I dunno if I could deal with it again.”

Gibbs fought down the pained sounded that threatened to escape, “That wont ever happen Tony. I don't know how to convince you of that.”

Tony shrugged, “Time. Really. But I'm going to give you that, so convince away.”

The Pizza arrived then, and they eat in silence.

~~~

It was a month later that Tony came back to Gibbs' house after tracking down a hard to find suspect and found him glaring at Hart over a mug of bourbon as she smiled at him smugly. Gibbs could tell Tony hadn't had a good day, well he'd known that before sending him home for some rest (which Tony obviously had ignored) but it seemed that his agent/lover's evening had only gotten worse. Tony glared at her, “You need to leave.”

Hart pursed her lips and regarded him appraisingly, “This isn't your house.”

Tony opened his mouth to say something, but Gibbs beat him to it. “No he's right. I think you need to go home now.”

She frowned at Gibbs and narrowed her eyes, “You don't really mean that.”

Gibbs smiled sardonically back at her, “Yes. I really do.”

“Here let me show you out.” Tony's hand shot out and gripped her elbow as he half dragged her up the basement stairs and across the foyer to the front door and finally out it. Gibbs followed slightly worried about what this would mean and he merely waved ironically to her as Tony slammed the door in her face.

Silence reigned as they listened to her stomp to her car and crank it.

“Tony I swear nothing happened...”

Tony was breathing heavily as he stood at the door staring through the window after Hart's car and Gibbs forced himself to move forward and lay a hand on his shoulder. Tony jerked slightly under his palm but didn't move away, “Tony she picked the lock, nothing happened, nothing was going to happen. She said she had a lead that's the only reason I even pretended to have a conversation with her. You have to know I'm telling you the truth.”

Tony finally looked at him and Gibbs was slightly shocked to see that Tony wasn't visibly upset, he just looked stony and focused. It only made Gibbs feel worse, and he found himself gently massaging the back of Tony's neck and easing the door shut. He pulled the younger man's stiff body against his own gently pressing his face against the taller man's neck, “You have to believe me.”

Tony gave a shuddering breath and seemed to melt against Gibbs, and Gibbs felt a bubble of happiness raise in his gut as the younger man didn't pull away. Gibbs allowed himself to gently press kisses against Tony's cheek, and they stood like that for a few moments and Gibbs was starting to wish Tony would do something when the younger man's grip suddenly tightened on his shirt and Tony shook his head.

For a moment Gibbs felt the all too familiar lead weight settle in his gut, but suddenly Tony was pressing forward and taking his mouth in an almost brutal kiss. Gibbs matched it with intensity of his own, and allowed a hand to burrow in Tony's hair. The younger man pulled away slightly, panting loudly in the silence of the foyer. “She can't have you.”

Gibbs blinked but before he could respond Tony was kissing him again, just as hard. Gibbs allowed himself to sigh into the kiss and brought his hands up to rest against the younger and obviously desperate man's neck, he allowed his thumbs to caress the soft skin there. The attempt at soothing Tony seemed to work because he allowed Gibbs to gentle the kiss.

When they pulled apart again Tony had lost the last of the ice that had tinged his expression, Gibbs sighed happily and allowed his forehead to rest against Tony's. the younger man sighed and Gibbs probably shouldn't have enjoyed the soft feeling of the warm puff of air against his cheek, but he did. “Stay here tonight.” Gibbs knew his voice was rough with emotion but he couldn't bring himself to care.

Tony smiled and bumped Gibbs' nose with his own, “Alright. But you need tighter security.”

Gibbs smiled softly, “The amount of locks on the door is sort of pointless now, you're the only one I'd let stay.”

The kiss he got in response spoke of forgiveness, acceptance, and hope. Gibbs felt himself relax. It felt like home.

On CBS' Latest Idiotic Moment

ashbear02 — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 22:51:36 GMT

So I woke up this morning, and it was a fairly normal enough morning. Get a shower, get dressed for work, get glared at by the lady at Dunkin Donuts when I specify that I want “liquid sugar please so that it mixes better”; then I finally settle into the break room to eat my breakfast (I have a terrible tendency to get there half an hour early to eat breakfast) and I finally glance over my twitter stream on my phone. And I saw the lovely Ali's (That's mombailey1973 for all y'all not lucky enough to be on chat terms with her) tweet: “I'm in shock this morning for those of you CM lovers just rising from your comfy beds: http://bit.ly/9t20SL” so I cruise on over to the blog going “......hm. Maybe they posted a spoiler for next season...” What do I find? Well, it was a spoiler for next season but not one I wanted to see.

I saw red (and not in the “Duh you work at Target” way); working through that wasn't happy or fun. But I managed it. It was almost an hour before I calmed down enough to actually sit back and go “Okay, what exactly makes this so offensive.” Although really the reasons don't end.

If AJ Cook wasn't a good actress, I wouldn't mind really. Because that's the way the business works, if you aren't good you get dropped (unless you're Tom Cruise; but he sold his soul to satan). But AJ? AJ is awesome, she's able to be completely funny (“Xana-don't” anyone???!) and at the same time carry off an emotional scene that can move you (JJ confiding in Hotch about her sister was.....yeah. Having lost someone, not a sister, it was an awesome scene). AJ obviously has talent. To drop her now would be stupid.

Now if AJ wanted to leave, I could see it. I was sad to see Lola Glaudini go, but the impression we were giving was that she wanted to go. And honestly? That's something I respect, if you don't want to do something no one can force you. She made that choice (as far as we know) and in the end I respected it. AJ? Not 3 weeks ago Alli, Emz, and I sat around in a chat-interview and she mentioned several times how excited she was for next season, how she wanted to see more of JJ's “dark side”, and discussed how JJ's changed by becoming a mother. This isn't someone who wants to leave a show. She was bubbly and excited and awesome, and I think it's dead wrong of CBS to cut her when clearly she doesn't want to go anywhere.

Now having said all of this: They need to “save” money. I could understand this as well, if JJ wasn't essential to the show's dynamic. But she is vital, and core to the group. Really, they all are. But seriously, lets think about what they'll do if she's gone. Who's going to shift through the cases? Hotch? No he already does too much. Reid? Seriously not going to go there. Rossi? Oh please, love them man but no way he'd do it. Morgan? Eh. Garcia? Prentiss? They all already have jobs. And who would deal with the press? Reid? SERIOUSLY people. THIS WOULD CRIPPLE THE SHOW. JJ distills the cases, is the face of the unit, and provides the soft chewy center (along with Garcia and Reid) of the Bad Ass BAU. Without her the others would be lost. If they got rid of her now they'd be wasting FIVE seasons of back story. There's no reason to do that at all.

As for “toning down Prentiss' role”, on top of cutting AJ? That just smacks of Sexism. Really. It does. So I'm just going to let that statement speak for itself.

All I can say is sign the petition, comment on the forums, and if you really want to stir them up send them a letter. If there's one thing a TV channel can't ignore it's a flood of letters protesting something.

Once Upon a Target

ashbear02 — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 01:24:53 GMT

Summary (cause it got cut off): A young Aaron Hotchner gets a summer job and has an odd encounter.
Authors note: OKAY This takes a bit of an explanation, I work in a Target Cafe. SO I wrote this......on the back of receipts. Yes. I did. xD SO HERE IT IS!

It was summer, and Aaron Hotchner was wondering why on earth he'd agreed to take a summer job at his Aunts in Las Vegas. It had seemed like a good idea when his mother and Aunt proposed the plan; he'd go to Aunt Caroline's house for the summer and get a job. She had a small apartment over her garage he could stay in, so it'd be closer to living on his own...in the “real world”. It had sounded awesome, he'd never gotten a chance to spend much time on the west coast; living in Virginia could do that. So the idea had been to see more of the country and take a step even closer to being “independent”.

This is how a 20 year old Aaron Hotchner found himself standing behind the counter of the cafe at their local Target. He was alone, bored, his feet hurt, and he still had 4 hours of his shift left. He'd lost count of the times he's thought, “Minimum Wage, so isn't worth this.” But he needed the money to pay the “rent” to his aunt; also Haley was coming for a week and Aaron wanted to be able to afford to have fun on his week off. So he was in no position to complain really.

The thing about the Target Cafe was that no one actually bought anything, with the exception of a fountain drink every now and then. Which meant Aaron's job was mainly cleaning, re-cleaning, randomly taking the temperature of things, and cleaning again. It was tedious, redundant, and the thought of 4 more hours spent doing this was torture.

As he took the temperature of yet another hotdog and recorded it he glanced up to check on the tables, and realized they weren't all empty any longer. The was a small boy sitting at one of the tables that had been barren before; he had chestnut hair and very large brown eyes. But what really stood out to Aaron was the expression on his face. The boy couldn't be more than 7, yet his expression was so seriousl and resigned it more resembled something Aaron's late step-father would wear instead of his 10 year old brother Sean. Aaron shook his head; it wasn't unusual for parents to park their children in the cafe while they shopped, so really Aaron just hoped the boy didn't make trouble like some of the hooligans did.

So Aaron cleaned, sold a few drinks and cleaned some more and before he knew it, it had been 2 hours. Aaron looked up again and was perplexed to find the boy still sitting there alone, it looked like he hadn't moved at all. The boy hadn't made any trouble at all, but at the same time there was no sign of an adult to claim him. Aaron blinked for a few minutes before making a conscious choice to walk over, the boy glanced up at him blankly as Aaron crouched beside his chair. Aaron tried to smile. “Hey, is your Mom or Dad on their way? Did they say what time they'd come by to get you?”

The boy just gazed at him for a moment, before sighing in a way that made a small part of Aaron's heart sink. “She's probably forgotten me again.”

“So you don't think she's coming?” Aaron knew he probably looked stupid, blinking at the boy but he didn't care.

The boy sighed and shook his head in an almost apologetic way, “Probably not.”

This of course lead to Aaron having to call his LOD (Leader on Duty; they got very upset if you called them managers for some odd reason that Aaron couldn't understand), which lead to the Executive Leader (That'd be Store Manager to non-Target lingo speakers) being called. Suddenly Aaron found himself standing in the middle of a bustling, frustrated adults. And Aaron found himself growing a bit protective of his small companion, and he laid a hand on the boys shoulder.

The boy looked up at him, and Aaron bent down “Hey, guy do you know your address or phone number?”

The boy nodded solemnly and proceeded to tell them all his address and number, the Executive manager beamed at Aaron, “Good job! We'll have his parents on the phone right away. You keep an eye on him here.” And once again they were left alone in the barren cafe.

He turned back to the boy with a smile, “So I never actually got your name.”

The boy blinked up at him in that serious way that Aaron still found increasingly odd, “I'm Spencer Reid.”

“Well Spencer Reid, I'm Aaron Hotchner.” Aaron smiled down at him, “You want a hotdog and an icee?”

He proceeded to ignore the meek protests the young boy gave, as he set about making the boy a hotdog and an icee then paid with the $5 in his pocket. Finally Aaron sat down next to Spencer and watched him eat in that same quiet, serious way. He started to wonder if the boy could smile and decided to challenge himself to make it happen.

Aaron proceeded to tell the boy every single funny story he could think of, well the ones that were appropriate at least. It took longer than he'd expected, but finally the boy gave him a small almost shy smile and then an all out grin and then before Aaron was really aware of it they were both laughing. And that's how the next 2 hours were passed, every once in a while Aaron would have to pop up to serve someone who wanted pop-corn or a soda or a hotdog. But he was focused on Spencer and making sure that expression didn't return.

Aaron was almost surprised when his LOD showed up to inform him that his shift was over, and that she'd take over watching the boy. He swallowed thickly at the thought of leaving the boy behind, and the almost sorrowful look that crossed the boys face didn't help. It wasn't long before the familiar tinge of resignation began to spread across the young face and Aaron made up his mind. He clocked out and emptied his locker before returning to the cafe, and taking his seat again. He smiled up at his LOD who had a soft smile on her face as well, “I'll hang out with him until his parents show, it's no trouble.”

“If you're sure you don't mind, Aaron?”

He nodded and she nodded before turning to leave. Spencer was still gazing at him in abject shock, Aaron smiled and bumped his shoulder against the boy. “You aren't going to get rid of me that easily.”

Suddenly Spencer was beaming up at him again and Aaron knew it'd be worth it. An immeasurable amount of time pasted with them just sitting, Aaron listening to Spencer talk about his books and the things he'd apparently learned recently. Aaron was shocked by how intelligent he was for someone so young, but he found the enthusiasm refreshing and was genuinely enjoying himself. Which was why when a slender, harried looking man rushed over to them he was fairly shocked to realize just how long had passed.

They watched as the LOD lead him away to “discuss” the “incident” in private. Aaron held back a wince as the now familiar resignation crossed the boys face again, he felt himself sigh. “So Spencer, does this happen often?”

The boy sighed in return, “Not too often, but this isn't the first time.”

Aaron winced, “Maybe it wont happen again.”

“It will.” Spencer sounded resigned, “But next time I probably wont be as lucky. Normally I just sit there with nothing to do.”

Aaron thought for a moment, “Well why don't you just bring a long a backpack from now on, with a few books in it. Just in case?”

Spencer thought for a moment before smiling again, “I will; Thank you.”

Aaron smiled and ruffled his hair softly, “It's the least I can do.”

He watched the tall man and Spencer walk away and he was again left alone in the cafe. He sighed and gathered his things to leave wishing he could do more for the small boy. Aaron didn't see Spencer or his father again that summer, but he often wondered about the solemn boy over the following years.

Years later n Spencer's first day at the BAU, the younger man showed up and it took Aaron less than 10 minutes to figure out who he was. He didn't say anything, he just smiled and shook his head at the way life worked at times.

3 years later Aaron was laying in bed looking down at the man who'd put his heart back together after Haley had torn it apart. He let a hand stroke the soft cheek and smiled softly thinking of the small boy he'd once met, wondering if Spencer remembered that day. And if he did, did he realize it had been Aaron? But Aaron never asked.

It was months later, and they were having a fight and Spencer had stormed ou of the apartment for and Hotch was sure he wasn't coming back. But it didn't take moments for Spencer to come bursting back into the living room. Aaron looked up in shock, “I thought.....”

Spencer sneered, “You aren't getting rid of me that easily.”

Aaron fought the smile that threatened and he folded Spencer into his arms, it didn't matter if Spencer remembered (although after that comment he was fairly sure his partner did) because in it's own odd way life had a way of throwing them together. And Aaron wasn't going to question that.

The Jazz Hands Killer: Chapter 1

ashbear02 — Wed, 26 May 2010 05:36:03 GMT

Title: The Jazz Hand Killer

Fandom: Criminal Minds

Pairing: Hotch/Reid

Rating: PG (at the moment at least)

Summary: Aaron Hotchner is the chief of the BAU, and he takes his job incredibly seriously. But things get personal when a serial killer in New Orleans forces him to cross paths with Dr. Spencer Reid, professor of criminology.

Note: So I love AU's, I adoooore them. And this plot bunny hit me? And I couldn't not run with it. =3 Hope you like it, there should be more soon.

Aaron Hotchner stifled a yawn as he got his coffee from the break room, he was about to jog up the stairs when Morgan reached out a hand to stop him. He turned to his subordinate with a quirked brow, and the look on the darker man's face didn't bode well. “They're at it again, just thought I'd warn you.” Aaron almost groaned aloud, he nodded at the younger man in thanks before starting up the stairs and resolutely ignoring the two men in the office next to his own. He was not going to get in the middle of one of Gideon and Rossi's arguments this early on a Monday.

Of course Rossi stormed through door and threw himself onto Aaron's couch before he could get half done with his coffee and properly caffeinated. The older man had that stormy, frustrated, stubborn look that he always had when he tried to bully Aaron into settling a dispute between him and Gideon. Aaron sighed, “No. Just no.”

“But Aaron-”

Before he could finish there was a hesitant rap at Aaron's door-frame and they looked up to see an almost frightened looking Jordan Todd, and Aaron felt a headache coming on. He just waved at Todd's almost redundant “We've got a case, round table in 10?”

Rossi glared at her until she left, “As I was saying before we were rudely interrupted...”

Aaron's headache was already gathering at the base of his skull, “She's just doing her job Dave and not now, go get ready for the meeting. The argument over who's going to write a paper on the Hankel case isn't anyone's business but yours and for once I refuse to get involved.” He chugged the rest of his coffee, “Now if you'll excuse me I have to go get more coffee, and hopefully a fist full of Tylenol.”

Rossi grunted a bit as Aaron pushed back from his desk and strode out of the room, he attempted a smile at Penelope as he approached the coffee pot. The smile failed and she heaved a sigh, “What're they arguing about now?” She deftly stole his coffee mug and filled it up before fixing it the way he liked it.

Aaron sighed as he poked around the communal first aide kit for some sort of pain pills, “They both want to write a paper on the Hankel case.”

“Do you think they even realize how twistedly gross that is?” She sounded wistful as she held out his coffee, “Headache?”

He nodded miserably as he gave up on the kit and took his coffee from her, “Yeah.”

She smirked and took down the extra container of decaf coffee grounds and opened it to reveal Styrofoam encasing a large pill bottle of Tylenol. Hotch stared at it blankly before looking up at her smirk, “You.....how?”

She looked smug, “You think your the only one who gets headaches around here? Have you heard the way Elle and Emily shout at each other? It's insane. Why they can't just get over it and be friends I have no idea.”

Hotch poured 4 pills into his hand before swallowing all four at once and replacing the bottle, “I think it has something to do with Elle being convinced that Emily bought her position.”

Penelope pursed her lips as she replaced the carton and turned back to him, “I know that much, but it's stupid. They risk their lives almost constantly in the field but still end up hating each other's guts.”

“You don't have to like someone to trust that they wont let you get shot.” Hotch sighed wishing the liquid gels would work instantly instead of taking some time, “Come on then, we should get to the meeting room.”

“Fine but I'm not sitting between them.”

Aaron snorted, “Well, you can sit between Dave and Jason then. God knows I don't want to.”

“I can deal with that.”

“Deal with what?” Morgan's voice was bored as he caught up with them.

Penelope smirked, “That's confidential.” The younger man pouted, and she laughed. “No really that wont work mister, now come on before they eat Jordan.”

Morgan wiggled his eyebrows, “I'd eat Jordan-”

Penelope's gaze turned flinty, “Sometimes Derek Morgan.” She increased her pace and passed the men easily.

Aaron shook his head, “Seriously?”

“It was a joke!” Morgan sounded a bit confused and Aaron was glad he'd already taken his pills.

“Well save the jokes for Elle, she might actually find them funny. Penelope's......well she's.....” Aaron sighed searching for a way to explain why Penelope wouldn't find them amusing without giving away that she was hopelessly in love with Morgan. “She's more classy than that.”

Thankfully they'd reached the conference room by that time and Morgan didn't have time to respond. Penelope avoided both their gazes as the team got settled, and Aaron felt a stab of empathy for her. He understood what it was like to want something you couldn't have, he knew it all too well. He sighed as Jordan bustled into the room and allowed himself to slip into Agent Hotchner mode as the serious work began.

She handed them each a folder containing the pictures and forms “Okay, so there's been a string of murders in New Orleans. They're up to 7, they are a bit late realizing this is a serial killer at all because the victims were all so diverse. They range between blondes, brunnettes, white, black, male, female; even the way they were killed varies from victim to victim. The only things the victims had in common was that they were all Jazz performers, and that there hands were in some way mutilated, the latest's hands were severed completely.”

She paused to look at them all for a moment before sighing, “The latest victim's manager, one Jennifer Jareau, was the one to actually point out to the police that they were connected. Ethan Mann was apparently on the verge of 'making it big', and when he died his manager stormed into the police head-quaters demanding to know why the Jazz community hadn't been warned. She's not pleased.”

Morgan shifted in his seat, “Could she be involved?”

Hotch frowned, “There's that possibility, but it's highly unlikely. These murders were all increasingly violent. And female serial killers...”

“She could be a part of a team?” Emily tapped her lip thoughtfully with a pen.

Elle scoffed, “You always think it's a team.”

Emily scowled, “It was just an idea.”

“It's something to look into. That's good.” Rossi's voice was sharp as he interrupted the two women who were openly scowling at each other.

Jordan cleared her throat, “Well it might help to know that she dragged a friend of the victim in with her to support her claim. He was Dr. Spencer Reid, a professor of Criminal Justice at Loyola.” She raised her eyebrows and there was silence for a moment, before Gideon nodded slowly.

“That....makes it seem much more likely.” The older man sounded thoughtful and he was gazing at the picture of Ethan Mann in a way that Hotch couldn't pin down.

Hotch also noticed Penelope's silence it was off somehow, and she looked stiff. He tried to shake it off as a lingering reaction to Morgan's comment as he stood, “Alright, meet at the plane in an hour then.”

He was slightly shocked when Penelope grabbed his wrist as he left to go, “Sir...” she bit her lip, “Sir I'd like to go with you.”

Aaron blinked, “Why? Wouldn't it be safer for you to stay here?”

She nodded and her frown deepened, “Yes, but I'd still like to go.”

“Can you tell me why?” He studied her face as she shook her head vigorously, “Will you be able to do just as much for us while we're in New Orleans as you could from here?”

She tried to smile, “Of course!”

“Then yes, you can come. But you'll need to tell me if it involves the case at any point.” He didn't know why but the way Penelope's eyes were pleading with him was working more than it would normally. He sighed as she gave a brilliant smile and hugged him. “You'll need to be at the airstrip on time though.” He tried to sound stern, but from the way she nodded and almost skipped away he knew he failed.

~~~~~~~~

Spencer Reid, the youngest man to ever be a fully accredited professor at Loyola University, stared at the thesis in front of him as he numbly graded papers. There was a lingering presser behind his eyes that mirrored the almost crushing pressure in his chest. All he could really think of was Ethan, and how he'd never get to talk to his long time friend again. They'd started out as rivals, but in the end it'd developed into a deep friendship. It had helped that Ethan had dropped Criminology to play Jazz full time, but really they'd been friends long before that. Just increasingly competitive friends, which really only made Spencer appreciate that friendship more. There were very few people that even tried to compete with him intellectually. He'd miss that about Ethan, but he'd miss his friend's husky laugh even more.

He glanced at JJ, who was asleep on his couch, face still puffy from tears and devastation clearly written across her face. Spencer sighed wishing they were different people, that he hadn't been gay or that she'd been a man or that this hadn't happened at all; he knew she needed someone to lean on, he also knew that she needed far more support than he could give. He was barely supporting himself at the moment.

He briefly considered waking her to drive her home, but decided against it. She needed rest, Ethan had been her best friend and she'd loved him far more than Ethan had known. Spencer had always been aware that JJ was in love with his friend, it'd been too easy to spot since he'd felt the same way; he'd long wondered if JJ'd figured him out as well but she'd never mentioned it.

He sighed and abandoned the paper, it was too early to go to sleep but he knew he at least needed caffeine before he could finish. He tried to be as silent as possible as he eased open the hall closet to pull out a light blanket to cover his friend with, it was a testament to how exhausted she was that she barely stirred as he tucked her in.

He gazed down at her briefly wishing they were different people, before turning to his kitchen to make coffee. It'd be a very long day, especially since he was very aware that the first suspects the FBI would have in mind were JJ and himself. It'd take some convincing to force them to realize that it hadn't been either of them, but Spencer was determined to help find the person who'd killed his friend.

The FBI took longer to show up than he'd thought, and as he answered the door he realized he was frowning. “It took you people long enough.”

He was greeted by a tall brown man and a short pale woman with severe bangs and a prominent nose, both looked nonplussed by his greeting. The man spoke first, “Um, I'm Agent Derek Morgan and this is Agent Emily Prentiss and we'd like to ask you a few questions ab-”

“I know what you want to ask, and that's fine. But please, give me a moment to wake JJ she's still asleep and you'll want to question her as well.” Spencer knew his tone was sharp and that he was being incredibly hostile but he couldn't find it in him to care.

The woman narrowed her eyes at him, “JJ? You mean Jennifer Jareau? She's here?”

Spencer fought the urge to twitch, “Yes.” he turned sharply, leaving them to follow or not. They'd wasted precious time already, and he couldn't find it in him to care that he was being rude.

JJ hadn't stirred since that morning, and he felt incredibly guilty waking her. But as he gently shook her shoulder he caught sight of the agents hovering awkwardly in the doorway and knew he had no choice. As she blinked at him he wondered in a detached sort of way what they'd think about him from his decorating, or non-decorating as the case would be.

JJ shook her head slightly as she struggled to sit up, “Spence? I had...the weirdest dream. It was terribly...E-ethan was killed and we....” She blinked at him for a moment and he could tell from her face that she could tell from his that it hadn't been a dream. Tears welled up in her eyes again and he swallowed thickly, “Oh Spence.” The devastation in her voice naturally lead to him pulling her into an awkward hug, and she sniffled against his shirt.

“Jayj. The FBI are here, they have to ask us some questions. I warned you about this remember?” She nodded against his chest before pulling away.

She cleared her throat and wiped her eyes, “I remember. Do they want to do it here or...?”

They both jerked to look at the two strangers when the man said, “The station would be better, also it'd be easier to rule you out as suspects if we could get finger prints and DNA.”

JJ nodded wanly and again Spencer wished things were different, but they weren't. So in the end he allowed the agents to pack him and JJ into the back of a black SUV to take them into the station. He wondered about just what this would be like, he'd never been on this side of the law before.

But as soon as they'd walked into the tall brick building that was the police station there was a very loud, “OH MY GOD IT IS YOU!” and suddenly JJ was being swept into a hug by a very blonde woman that Spencer had never seen.

What happened afterward was chaos, and Spencer could feel a migraine coming on. Suddenly JJ was sobbing, and the brown man was shouting at the blonde woman, and the blonde woman was shouting back, and then the woman with the bangs said something soothing and another woman made a comment and before long Spencer had lost track of who was doing/saying what. Finally though there was silence when someone behind Spencer slammed a door and they all turned to see a tall man with dark hair glaring at them.

“Penelope you'll bring Ms. Jareau and Mr. Reid with us as we get their prints and DNA. The rest of you have a job to do, and I expect you to get back to doing it. Now.” his voice was measured, calm, and in an odd way commanding. Spencer felt a small part of himself swoon, even as the rest of him glared at it. But there was something about that man, Spencer wanted to know more.

Rooming With Reid

ashbear02 — Fri, 14 May 2010 07:02:35 GMT

Title: Rooming with Reid

Fandom: Criminal Minds

Pairing: Hotch/Reid

Rating: NC-17

Summary: Morgan always has to share a room with Reid, but not this time.

Author's Note: Well, according to LJ it is the lovely colordrone 's birthday so I decided to whip her up a short story. WARNING if you haven't seen the latest episode (5x21) it has a few spoilers, but nothing too big.

MEGA HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

“I am not rooming with Reid.”

Spencer was a little taken aback by that declaration, after all he'd often considered Derek to be one of his better friends. And even Penelope's soft smile as she laid claim to sharing a room with Morgan didn't distract Spencer from the sudden weight in his gut.

He didn't notice the reproving glare Hotch sent the other man, or Derek's smirk as he followed them all upstairs.

The situation was bringing back fairly terrible far too detailed memories from a high school experience that he'd rather forget. He could remember every face, name, and degrading comment; and yeah he'd gotten better at shoving it to the back of his mind. But Derek's tone had been a bit too close, a bit too familiar for Spencer to be able to ignore it.

Reluctantly he found it taking him back to the Phys. Ed. Class in his freshman year of high school. Spencer could almost feel the sun against his shoulders as the boys stood in a line waiting to be picked for a team, he could feel the hope curdle in the pit of his stomach as he heard the captain of his would be team sigh and say, “We got stuck with Reid.”

That week he'd made an appointment with a doctor, figured a way to get there, and had practically begged the kindly older man into giving him a note that excused him. He hadn't dressed out again, and it'd been worth the extra essays he had to do on anatomy to compensate.

Spencer shook his head and ignored the others as he deftly chose the door farthest from the stairwell. He'd probably get left in the room alone; which he supposed was okay, that way he wouldn't bother someone else with his stupid fear of the dark or his still semi-frequent nightmares.

Still it stung a little, he thought he'd actually made a place for himself here. But...

There was a soft knock on his door and Spencer forced himself to answer, to find Rossi standing there nonchalantly with a small smile. The older man didn't wait for an invite as he strolled into the room, Spencer didn't say anything.

“You know kid, I don't think Morgan meant that the way it sounded. You know that right.” Rossi's voice was a bit gruff but kind. Spencer nodded silently, and Rossi sighed, “But that's no excuse for saying it that way. It was rude.”

There was a slightly awkward lull in the conversation and finally Rossi sighed again and clapped him firmly on the shoulder, “Alright Spencer, just....know that no matter what Morgan said you're a valuable part of the team.”

Spencer blinked at him and smiled a bit as the older man left the room and shut the door. He shook his head and started searching threw his bag for the nightlight he kept there, trying furiously to ignore the pressure in his chest.

~~``~`~``~~

Aaron Hotchner genuinely liked Derek Morgan, but sometimes he went too far. He watched Reid walk into what would apparently be his room alone, shut the door, and was shortly followed by Rossi, who obviously felt the need to talk to Spencer before Aaron got a chance to muck it up. Finally he turned to Derek. “You know better than that, I know you do.”

Derek shrugged, “Has anyone thought that maybe I don't want to be stuck with Reid every time we have to share rooms?

Hotch felt his jaw clench, “Which only happens once in a blue moon.”

“Trust me Hotch, it still gets annoying. Besides maybe I wanted to room with Penelope for a reason, did you think of that?” Derek smirked somewhat convincingly but Hotch just looked at him.

“I wont have to trust you, since I'll be rooming with Reid tonight. And somehow I doubt Garcia would cheat on Kevin, no matter how much she loves you. She isn't that low, and you know it.” Hotch watched Derek fidget under his gaze for a few moments and finally he sighed, “I don't know what you're planning Derek Morgan, but I know you well enough to know you did this for a reason. I just hope whatever it was is worth what this will do to your friendship with Reid.”

“Guys?” JJ's voice was uncertain and the two men turned to look at her, “We really need to get some sleep. It'll be bad enough that Penelope's going to be super tired tomorrow, the rest of us really need to be on my game.”

Emily held out a sleeping bag to Hotch, and the other at Morgan with a slight frown. “We're going to be working for days to get him out of his shell now, thanks for that.”

Derek caught the sleeping bag deftly, “At least I don't have to room with him.”

JJ sent him a look that Hotch wasn't sure how to read before shaking her head and following Emily into the room they would share. Hotch heard Reid's door open and close and turned to see Rossi walking towards them, shaking his head. “I'm going to sleep. I'll see you both in the morning.”

Derek grunted, and Hotch waved slightly.

“Go to sleep, if you get to sleep now you should have time for at least 5-6 good hours. And JJ was right, we need them.” Hotch didn't wait for Derek's response before walking to the room he'd be sharing with Spencer and opening the door.

`~``~~```~~``~`

Spencer looked up sharply to see Hotch walk in with a sleeping bag, he blinked. “You're not bunking with Rossi?”

“Nah, Dave snores like a bear. I'd rather room with you.” Hotch was being a little too casual, and Spencer knew this was probably just an attempt to make him feel better.

He tried to ignore the fact that it was working.

“You want the bed?”

Hotch shook his head, “No, that's cool. I don't mind the floor. There's an extra pillow in the closet. Throw me the lamp, there's a plug over here.”

Spencer blinked, “You...um...don't have to...I can deal without it for a night.”

“Spencer. It's fine, I don't mind. I have one in my bedroom. I'm used to it.” When Spencer still didn't move the older man sighed and came over to the bed and scooped up the lamp. “Captain America?”

Spencer hadn't looked at him, afraid of the look of derision he'd been sure would appear but the soft question didn't sound mocking at all. “Yeah. He's.......always been my favorite.”

“So you were a Marvel kid?”

Spencer glanced up and saw a rare smile, and couldn't help but smile back. “You could say that I suppose, I never really read many Comic books. But I always found Captain America compelling. He...” Spencer brought himself up short, remembering that Hotch didn't need to hear anymore than that.

“He's Jack's favorite too you know.”

Spencer smiled, “Of course it is. His dad is the closest thing to the reality that there's likely to be.”

“Well. I um. Suppose you could say that.” Spencer blinked as he noticed the red slowly spread across the older man's cheeks. “I'll just....plug this in and unroll my sleeping bag.”

Spencer watched as Hotch proceeded to move quietly around the room, before hastily turning away when he realized that his once boss was about to change. He tried not to think about just how many times he'd analyzed the possibility of this kind of thing ever actually happening, or how much he'd wished the odds were more in his favor.

The quiet between them stretched beyond Hotch getting changed and spreading out the sleeping bag, and Spencer slipping under the covers of the double bed himself.

However, the loud, painful sounding pop that Spencer clearly heard as the other man attempted to settle into said sleeping bag spurred Spencer to say something. “Hotch. I'll take the floor, it's okay.”

“Like hell. It's alright....it was just my spine.”

Spencer knew that Hotch couldn't see the glare he sent but he didn't care, “I do not need to point out just how important your spine is. Switch with me.”

“You are not sleeping on the floor Spencer.” The tone had the ring of finality in it that Spencer was far too familiar with.

He sighed, “The share with me, but don't sleep on the floor.” There was a moment of silence before Spencer hit on an idea, “You'll be in pain tomorrow and then you'll be distracted. You need to be able to focus on the case Hotch, come on.”

The older man sighed, “Fine. You're probably right anyhow.”

Spencer grinned into his pillow as the rustling sounds indicated that Hotch was moving to join him in the bed. The shifting of the mattress didn't take him by surprise, but the heat that nearly radiated off the other man did. Spencer forced himself to turn off the lone lamp then, which was surprisingly easier than normal.

There was silence for awhile, and Spencer was almost half asleep when he heard Hotch say his name quietly, “Yeah?”

“You know Morgan was just being an ass earlier right?”

The older man's voice was soft and concerned, and Spencer felt a small part of something jagged and raw in his chest soften just a bit. He apparently took too long to respond however because Hotch was rolling over to face him and reaching out in the darkness. “Really Spencer, I have no idea why he was in one of his moods but that's all it was. It wasn't indicative of what the rest of the team thinks, and I doubt it was honestly what he really thought.”

Spencer felt the firm, warm hand on his cheek and nodded half in wonder. The small light across the room was just enough for him to make out the soft expression on Hotch's face, “Thank you.”

Hotch's thumb slowly stroked his cheek as he smiled, “No, Thank you Spencer Reid.”

Spencer wasn't sure what was going on, but the feeling of Hotch pulling him closer and almost cradling him in the circle of his arms was felt far too good to question overly much. Spencer was warm, and as his hands tightened in the gray faded FBI t shirt that Hotch had worn to bed he felt almost delirious.

He found his face burrowing against Hotch's neck, and he sighed happily. The soft exclamation that Spencer felt rather than heard confused him and he shifted away to look at Hotch's face again but the older man didn't look hurt. Spencer felt Hotch's hand tighten on his hip slightly, “Sorry. I just...”

Spencer blinked slowly, feeling almost drunk as what 'just' dawned on him. Aaron Hotchner apparently had a very sensitive neck, it was a dangerous piece of information that Spencer shouldn't have been blessed with. Spencer wasn't aware of the soft noise he made in the back of his throat, he was far too busy gazing longingly at Hotch's neck.

The soft groan and the sudden press of Hotch's lips against Spencer's mouth was a slight shock but a welcome one. Spencer found himself being pressed down into the mattress as Hotch rolled on top of him while skillfully coaxing his all too willing partner to kiss him back. Eventually pulling back was a necessity, and Spencer found himself whimpering softly in protest.

“Spencer, we need to be quiet. Dave is right next door and...” Hotch broke off and began to breath heavily as Spencer smirked against his neck before nuzzling it slightly and mouthing against it. “God, Spencer...” Hotch was leaning his head back, even as he worked a hand under Spencer's shirt to stroke the skin of his side with a callused hand that made him gasp against the other man's throat.

Spencer hadn't ever done this before. He'd had sex, several times with various partners with various degrees of shared attraction. Some people found him...pretty; so there hadn't been a lack of people, male and female, purely interested in his physical form. But this experience was completely unique.

He'd never rocked against someone else fully clothed, and had it feel so intense. He could feel what was obviously Hotch's erection rutting against his own thigh as Hotch slid his hand down to press against Spencer's erection. He'd never delighted in someone's weight bearing down on him, or had someone gasping his name in a hushed tone just because he was licking their neck.

He might never have done this before, but Spencer didn't want it to stop. He felt lazy and good as he slowly rocked against Hotch's palm. He moved up to whisper something into Hotch's ear and promptly forgot what he'd been about to say as the older man gave a soft groan and squeezed when Spencer reached his ear.

Hotch sighed his name as Spencer lightly traced the shell of his ear with his tongue, and Spencerha bucked against his palm. Spencer felt the hand that had strayed to the back of his neck pull him back slightly, he allowed it but pouted. Not that Hotch cared since he kissed the pout away easily, “Spencer...I need....you to touch me. Please.”

Spencer smiled at the breathy voice, “I am touching you.”

“Spencer...” Hotch chocked on his next words as Spencer allowed a hand that had been clutching Hotch's shirt to press him harder against Spencer's thigh. Hotch shook his head, “No I want...you to....”

Spencer sighed, “There's only so much I can do from this angle you know.”

And suddenly he was being rolled over and was the one on top, Hotch smirked. “Better?”

Spencer almost laughed, “Yeah, I think I can manage to touch you a bit more like this.” Spencer watched Hotch's face closely as he slid the hand into the man's underwear. “Hotch I wish you could fuck me.”

Hotch jerked against him at the statement, “God, Spencer don't.......”

Spencer frowned and squeezed slightly, “But I want it, it'd feel so good. I know it. We'd lay like before and you'd push into me...” Spencer felt his breath hitch at the way the other man was looking at him,
“and it'd burn because it's been far too long since I let anyone do that. And Hotch, you have no idea how much I love being fucked. It's my favorite, always has been. And you'd feel so good I can tell.”

Spencer sighed and was silent for a moment before smirking, “Of course I wouldn't mind being on top from time to time, sitting down on you. The angle is different you know, some like it better but I like it the same.”

“God Spencer, if I'd known...” Hotch's hips were jerking as Spencer began speeding up his strokes, “If I'd known...”

Spencer made a soft 'hmmm'ing noise, “Well. Now you know. And I expect you to take advantage of the knowledge in the future.”

Hotch groaned as he came, not horrifically loud but loud enough to make Spencer wince and glance at the wall, his hands tightening on Spencer's hip and neck. Spencer bit his lip and allowed the lethargic Hotch to turn him around and press against his back, the hand on his hip slipping back down to his erection. Except this time, the callused palm met his skin instead of the flannel bottoms he'd packed.

Spencer allowed himself to let the sensations wash over him. His hips bucked almost uncontrollably and his back arching in a way that caused him to press against Hotch's chest. He knew he was shaking but as he clutched Hotch's forearm and wrist he couldn't bring himself to care and soon he was chanting the older man's name softly.

Finally he came and was left slumped against Hotch, with the man's hand still stroking him softly. He felt the other man exhale massively, “Well, that....was unexpected. But will definitely be happening again?”

Spencer nodded at the not question. He felt fuzzy and content and sleepy, but as Hotch nuzzled the back of his neck he tried to focus on the other man's words. “...incredibly special Spence, amazing.........should clean up.....too tired.” Spencer just nodded again, too far gone to examine the warmth that had replaced the earlier pressure and distractedly hoping they'd have time to make use of the shower in the morning.

They didn't as it turned out. Thanks to Penelope's run in with the unsub they were both fairly rudely jerked from their dreams, of each other no doubt, by Rossi pounding furiously on their door at around 2:30. They didn't even get to really wipe down for a good hour or so, and by then they'd given up on the idea of a shower.

They both were also very careful to avoid the knowing looks from Rossi, JJ, and Emily. But on the plane back to D.C. with Aaron's fingers (he demanded Spencer stop calling him Hotch, go figure) interlaced with his own Spencer liked to think that the smug looks Morgan kept sending them were proof that his friend had planned the entire thing.

Memory

ashbear02 — Tue, 04 May 2010 06:15:37 GMT

Title: Memory
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Pairing: Hotch/Reid
Rating: PG
Word Count: 3184
Summary: In that moment Aaron Hotchner made a conscious decision to never hug Spencer Reid again.
Author's Note: OKAY~! So a few days ago chiazu introduced herself over at cm_hotch_reid, and asked for a rec for a fic that centered around what I call in my head The Hug of Revelations (*insert laughter at stupid pun here*) or she requested that someone write one. Well, I didn't know of any fics that fit that description so I volunteered to write one. Which was going to be short, well I'm me and nothing I write stays short. Unless I want it to be long. So, either way this is what I came up with. It hasn't been betad, since colordrone is out of town for the week so if you spot any HUGE mistakes point them out and I'll fix them. Otherwise let me know what you think! =D

In that moment Aaron Hotchner made a conscious decision to never hug Spencer Reid again, because he wasn't sure he'd be able to let the younger man go. Because letting go that first time was hard enough as it was.

Soon Morgan was half carrying Spencer to an SUV, and Hotch could only watch numbly as his subordinate did his best to convince the others he didn't need to go to a hospital. Hotch shook his head and climbed into the front seat next to JJ, who was already on the phone getting the address for the closest hospital and programing it into their GPS.

No one was listening to Spencer's loud and slightly slurred declarations that he didn't need to go, that he just needed rest. They all knew it was a lie.

Hotch glared down at his hands, they were shaking. He refused to admit to anyone just how frightened he'd been when they'd realized Spencer was gone; and he had a nasty suspicion that his shaking hands would give him away.

He also refused to remember the crush of that slender body against his. Because the realizations that would come after the adrenaline stopped roaring through his veins would be uncomfortable, and he'd deny them. But in that moment all he could do was gaze over his shoulder at Spencer who was very studiously not looking at any of them.

Those realizations did come, at the worst possible time. He'd barely walked through the door and hadn't even been able to slip out of Agent Hotchner mode and relax back into just being Aaron; when he was again faced with a scowling Haley, which really wasn't conducive to relaxation. Hotch sighed and wondered how this would end, he had a terrible feeling that it wasn't going to be in any way good.

Time slipped away from him after that, it was a dizzying whirl of stress and worry, and the memory of that day that he wished hadn't happened. Every time Haley's voice dropped into that subzero hush or the false calm that only made Aaron's head hurt worse, he had to combat the phantom arms wrapping around him. But eventually Haley moved to the guest room, and Aaron was left at night with nothing but silence and memories that he didn't want.

Hotch tried his damnedest to save his marriage, but all he'd remember later in life is he wasn't the one to save Spencer from the lingering demons of the day he didn't want to remember. Later he'd find out about Gideon's “talk” with Spencer, and about just how little help it had been. How everyone had suspected, but no one had done anything. How Spencer had been forced to go and find help on his own.

Later he'd remember very little of the last months of his relationship, he'd only remember the look on Spencer's face as they sat in the conference room as he looked at Gideon after comparing an arsonist to an addict. Later all he'd remember is that they should have known sooner.

Being served papers was almost a relief, having it done in front of the team was a low blow. But in the end he knew it was better for Haley, because as long as the memory of that half desperate embrace was all he could think of he'd never truly be faithful to her.

He should have found it harder to let Haley walk away. But watching Spencer half tear himself apart over Owen Savage was ten times harder than watching Haley throw her bags in the trunk of her car.

It was getting harder to avoid the memory. But Hotch just kept going because it wasn't as if he could do anything about it. Still at night, he was forced to examine the fact that those phantom arms were the product of what was probably the worst day of Spencer's life. He tries not to examine just how pathetic that is, but always in the end he's left again with the memory.

Aaron existed for a long time like that.

He repressed the urge to touch Spencer when things went wrong, because as much as Aaron cherished the memory he knew that Spencer hated being touched. He forced himself to keep his own counsel so many times.

Aaron held himself back through it all; Reid being held hostage by militant religious extremists, having to deal with his the reality of his father, the debacle that was Adam Jackson.

But when faced with Spencer being locked in a room and exposed to Anthrax Aaron had to force himself to almost shut-down completely. They'd solved the case and Aaron had stared down at the body of the man he refused to love and he'd forced himself to turn and walk out of the hospital, because he knew if he'd waited he'd have done something stupid, like cry or wrap his arms around Spencer and not let go.

He didn't go back to the hospital, he spent most of that time trying to bury the feelings that he'd been avoiding for so long. In many ways it was like a cavity, a dull ache that was tolerable for a while but once the infection burrowed it's way beneath the surface the pain became intolerable.

It would take a week for Spencer to get out of the hospital, and another two before he'd be allowed to do anything other than desk duty. Aaron thought he had time, but the reality is that a week is only so long.

They all mentioned it to him, in their own ways; Garcia made vague references to leaders needing to support their troops, JJ talked to Spencer loudly on the phone, and Morgan growled at him. Emily and Dave took longer to comment, Emily was first and she just stared at him pointedly before saying “You aren't the only one suffering here. Get over yourself.” She'd walked away before he could reply.

Dave went so far as to take him to lunch, for the first half it was fairly pleasant just a friendly talk and it was so relaxing that he had almost forgotten to be wary of his friend. Which was of course apart of the plan, Dave had always been far too good at planing things.

“Reid only has two more days left in the hospital, so you really need to visit him.”

The comment was casual, and Aaron didn't think as he shook his head and shrugged. “I can't.”

“Ah, so that's how it is then.” Dave nodded and Aaron scowled.

But after a few moments Aaron sighed, “You were always good at interrogation.”

Dave smiled over his cup of coffee, “Well it is my job.”

They laughed it off and went back to the easy conversation.

A few days later Aaron didn't know who he was expecting when his doorbell rang, but a very disgruntled Spencer was not it.

He felt himself swallow thickly, “Shouldn't you be in bed?”

Spencer snorted, which Aaron mentally noted was not very flattering but still endearing, “Yes I should be in bed. Am I in bed? No.”

“Okay then, you should come in.” Aaron winced as he noted the chill in the air. “Come on, I'll make you a cup of tea.”

Spencer blinked and opened his mouth to say something, but Aaron shook his head and took hold of one of his arms to draw him into the apartment. He refused to analyze the warmth in his gut as he guided a wide eyed Spencer to an armchair and pushed him down. Aaron pointed at him in an almost stern way, and said in his best Special Agent Hotchner voice “Stay.”

Spencer nodded slightly as Aaron turned away, and soon he found himself standing in his kitchen over a tea kettle (his mother's long bias again microwaving water was as deeply ingrained as Haley's irrational hatred of the color purple) waiting for it to boil, when it finally whistled he prepared the cup systematically and was at a loss for what to do afterwords. Eventually the tea was done steeping and he found himself unable to come up with any other reason not to go back to the living room.

He he presented a slightly confused looking Reid with the steaming mug silently before sinking onto the couch. Spencer cleared his throat in a way that made Aaron wince slightly and took a sip of the tea, “So, why tea of all things?”

Aaron felt odd as he shrugged, “Because that's what you make when someone's been sick, besides t's better for you than coffee.”

“Well actually it's been theorized that it's better for you than water but that's not the point. There is no way tea is going to fix me having had anthrax poisoning.” Spencer shook his head bemusedly as he took another sip.

Aaron shrugged, “I'd say it's as much about comfort as anything else.” When Spencer blinked at him Aaron sighed, “When you're cold or upset hot tea can be a comfort, it's....warm. Like hot chocolate, except with antioxidants.”

Spencer smiled a bit, “So you're trying to comfort me?”

Aaron frowned a bit in thought, “I suppose so. Either way, you've been ill. You should be in bed, not here.” The unspoken 'why are you here?' was obvious and Spencer sighed.

“You never came to see me.” The younger man's voice was soft and Aaron felt himself wince as he continued, “I mean everyone else came. Even the guy who delivers our mail came one afternoon to talk for a bit, and Garcia practically had to drag Morgan away. But you never came.”

Aaron shifted a bit uncomfortably in the silence that followed that statement before sighing, “I thought you'd have more important people visiting. I...” he trailed off, unwilling to examine his reasoning or to tell Spencer anything further.

“Who could be more important than you?” Spencer was frowning down at his tea.

The warmth that spread through Aaron's chest at that statement was highly illogical, but nice. “Spencer I'm sure there are more people than you'd think that are more important than me. You just see me everyday, so I seem more important than I am.”

Spencer twitched, “That...is retarded. Sorry. I probably should say that differently, but I'm tired.”

Aaron blinked, “Which is why you should be in bed.”

Spencer's frown became more prominent and it was beginning to look more like a pout, which really just wasn't fair. “I'm not leaving until you tell me the real reason you didn't come. It's not fair you know. Really it wasn't, because I had to deal with all those people traipsing in and out of the room when the only person I wanted to see never showed up.”

Aaron didn't blink, but it was a close thing. “What?”

Spencer shook his head, “I wanted to see you. I wanted you to be there. Not Dale, who apparently thought that I was 'supremely' heroic, or Garcia who just kept looking at me like I was about to die even though I knew I wasn't going to because we found the damn antidote. Why didn't you come? You never do anymore, and I don't know what I did. Well, I mean I have a few theories but I keep hoping that they aren't why but I logically can't think of any other reasons that you'd be so standoffish.” The younger man paused to look imploringly at Aaron, “You know I've been sober a year now right? I got my coin the week before this whole mess started and I...”

“Spencer. That hasn't nothing to do with anything, you know I'd never judge you for that. And...” Aaron wanted to say he had no idea what the younger man was talking about. But he did.

He'd been distancing himself from Spencer, not consciously but in a definite way to protect himself from feelings that he shouldn't feel. Which had only been brought into a sharper contrast since that damn hug that shouldn't be such a treasured memory.

“Is it because I let Tobias get the drop on me in Georgia?” Spencer's voice had grown even more unsure, “because that's when it all changed. At first I thought it was all that...stuff...going on the Haley but you didn't pull back from any of the others, and I...just...”

Silence reined then, and Aaron really had no idea what to say.

“It is because of that, isn't it?” Spencer's voice was softer and sad, “I guess I sort of proved that I wasn't good enough that time. I mean...”

“No!” Aaron shook his head and held up a hand.

Spencer frowned, and again it looked suspiciously pouty, “But there was just an awkward silence and that always means the answer isn't good, and....”

“That is not what it meant.” Aaron knew he was treading a very slippery slope here and he was afraid. Which really was slightly ridiculous, since Spencer was the one that looked like he was on the edge of tears and obviously so very tired.

“Then why? I don't understand! We were friends, we're friends now! Aren't we?” Spencer's voice almost echoed in the silence that followed. “Well I guess I really need to learn not to assume so much huh?”

Spencer was making motions to stand up but Aaron nearly growled, “Would you stop inferring ridiculous things from silence?”

“Then talk to me!” Aaron stared at the younger man who was obviously flustered, “If you don't want me to infer things then you have to speak, you know? That thing where you move your lips and form word that hold certain meanings depending on language, age, and location? Or have you been glaring at people silently so long that it's hard for you to do that now?”

Aaron winced, “I don't know what you want me to say.”

“I want to know why I suddenly wasn't good enough anymore! You always understood, that's why I chose you and not any of the others! But now I can't understand you and it's been so long since you've actually looked at me and I just...” Spencer trailed off before sighing, “I should go. This was stupid. Thanks for the tea.”

Aaron was waging a silent war with his own mind, a clearly insane apart of him had an almost irresistible urge to explain it to Spencer. To explain that the incident in Georgia had brought things into focus and that those things scared him half senseless. However, a far more sane and logical part of his brain was reassuring him that it'd been over a year and that eventually it'd get better, he'd stop dreaming about miserable times and be able to focus on moving on with some semblance of normalcy.

Spencer was halfway to the door when he started to cough, which really if it hadn't sounded half as painful Aaron would have suspected the younger man of doing it on purpose. Either way, the argument was settled because there was no way that Aaron could stop himself from taking the three long strides to where Spencer was hunched over slightly.

Wrapping his arms around the younger man shouldn't have been so easy, not after a years worth of pent up emotions; but it was easy. And Spencer didn't really seemed to mind as he stared at Aaron, with a foreboding amount of comprehension dawning across his young face, and allowed Aaron to guide him back to the couch, “I told you, you should be in bed. Here, try to drink some tea. Why did they let you go if you're still coughing this badly?”

Spencer dutifully took short slow sips of the still warm tea as he leaned against Aaron's side, which Aaron shouldn't have felt so pleased by. “They let me go because there isn't any more they can do really. I'll just have a bit of a cough for a while, I'd have developed one sooner if I'd known it'd get this reaction.” Aaron's arm tightened around the slender shoulders unconsciously and Spencer gave a soft hum of contentment as he leaned against Aaron even more. “You're warm.”

Aaron sighed, “Spencer. We shouldn't...”

“I think I figured at least part of it out, you know. I am a profiler, figuring out behaviors is sort of my job.” The younger man paused to clear his throat and take a swallow of the tea, “But it didn't all fit until tonight. So shut up, I'm basking at the moment and you're being annoyingly practical. As per usual.”

“Spencer I don't do casual, my feelings aren't....well they aren't proper and this shouldn't happen it's why...” Aaron swallowed as Spencer looked up at him with a smile.

“Well you can stop now, I don't mind. In fact your feelings are completely returned.” Spencer yawned massively then, in a way that Aaron found particularly adorable, and took another sleepy swallow of his tea. “In fact I'll be terribly miffed if you don't stop, and I'll sic Morgan on you. And you know he would, especially now because he's terrifically angry with you for not visiting. Speaking of which can you not not visit me again?”

Aaron blinked down at the top of Spencer's head as the younger man attempted to bury his face against Aaron shoulder. “You Dr. Reid should be asleep.”

“I'm serious. It hurt. Don't do that again.” Spencer's voice was growing increasingly serious and sleepy at the same time.

Aaron sighed, before allowing a hand to run through Spencer's hair. “Alright. But you wont be in the hospital anymore, so that wont be a problem.”

Spencer snorted softly but didn't argue, which Aaron took as an agreement. Aaron wasn't sure how long they stayed like that, but eventually he shook his head and gently pried the now cool tea mug from Spencer's hands and set it aside. “You're in no shape to get home. Come on, you can take my bed.”

Spencer didn't object as he was lead to the bedroom or when Aaron gently tugged his low-tops off his feet, he did catch Aaron's wrist as he made to walk away. “Stay.”

Aaron blinked down at him, before sighing and toeing off his own shoes. Spencer smiled and moved over on the bed until Aaron could slip under the quilt next to him. Spencer immedietly rolled closer and wrapped his arms around Aaron and burying his face against the older man's neck; Aaron sighed again before allowing a hand to toy with Spencer's hair.

Spencer was asleep almost instantly, which wasn't surprising considering. However, Aaron stayed up for a long time, for once not being haunted by the memory of a hug that had been far too brief.

Passionate love is a quenchless thirst

Kahlil Gibran.

Brick by Brick 6/?

ashbear02 — Sun, 25 Apr 2010 06:05:24 GMT

Title: Brick by Brick 6/?
Fandom: NCIS
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2795
Warnings: Major Angst
Authors Note: Alright, have you ever had one of those chapters in a fic that you write. Then delete, then rewrite again? This was one of those chapters for me.Gibbs, Tony and I went a few rounds on how this would go; and in the end I think it came out okay. SO, I hope that you all enjoy it and I promise there will be more soon. (Sooner than last time, really.)
Back Chapters Can Be Found Here

It was Friday night, and Tony was far too happy he'd agreed to have a movie night. Of course Jimmy and Hannah having something “come up” was suspicious, but in the end Jenny showing up with beer and a copy of Escape To Witch Mountain made him not mind so much. Although he was still almost certain Hannah thought they'd end up married sooner or later, which bothered him a bit but he'd never let what other people thought affect him before, so why should he let Hannah's assumptions freak him out? Jenny was a buddy, like Abby; but he'd never had to worry about her taking Gibbs' side over his and while he adored Jimmy there were just some things the other man had no clue about.

It didn't take Tony long to notice something was wrong, his friend was too quiet and she seemed distracted and sad. He kept himself from saying something for most of the night, but when they reached the last movie he couldn't help but nudge her gently and ask what was wrong.

Her sigh sounded sad and Tony paused the movie, she rolled her eyes. “You'll tell me I'm being retarded.”

“I'd never lie to you that outrageously, now what's goin' on. I'll tell you about my dinner date with Gibbs, if you tell me.” Tony knew he was dangleing the proverbial carrot and had to suppress a smirk when she perked up.

“You have a dinner date with Gibbs? Tell!”

Tony shook his head, “You first. Tell.”

She pouted ridiculously and he just sat waiting, finally she sighed. “He was at my party.” She didn't need to elaborate on which He she meant, and Tony felt himself stiffen, “I have no idea who invited him or how he figured out which restaurant we would be at but he was there. So, yeah; we talked a little. And...” she trailed off looking over his shoulder somewhat pensively, “I agreed to go to his wedding.”

It took exactly 10 seconds for that to register in Tony's brain, and then it was all he could do to keep from shouting at her.“You agreed to what? Why?”

“I dunno. I just did. He said we'd been friends for a long time before we were lovers and he still wanted to be friends, and that I should come to prove that we were still friends and all. And now I have to go, and I'm scared; but I got myself into this mess so I'll figure it out. Now tell me about Gibbs and the dinner date! I need the pick me up.” She gazed at him expectantly and Tony felt himself sigh before explaining. When he was done she nodded, “Good. Cafe Milano is a nice place, good choice. Think he'll wear a tie?”

“Gibbs? I doubt it.” Tony sighed and leaned back into the couch to watch the rest of the movie, and if Jenny somehow ended up clutching his arm and leaning against him he had too much respect for her pride to mention it.

Jenny was leaving when she turned to Tony awkwardly, “Would you go with me? To the Wedding? I don't think I should go alone, and most of the people who know I'm going think I'm retarded for agreeing and...”

“Of course I'll go with you. Don't worry about it, you'd do the same for me.” Tony smiled and Jenny sent him a surprised smile in return before actually leaving. Tony wondered what she'd do at the wedding, and how he'd keep himself from murdering the asshole that had so comprehensively broken her heart and somehow succeeded in making her feel guilty. Not that he could throw stones since he was going out with his own bastard in less than 24 hours.

Tony sighed wondering when he'd become just another idiot that couldn't let go.

~~~~~~~

Gibbs decided that Cafe Milano was one of those places you should probably wear a tie to. Of course, this was after he found himself standing in the lobby being looked at like he was a complete neanderthal by half the people around him. Not that he really cared about that, since Tony was the person he was here for, not the uppity Maitre-D or the business men sitting at the bar.

The jolt he got seeing Tony sitting at the table and nonchalantly flipping through the menu was amazing. If Gibbs was a younger man, and no one else had been around, he might have clapped with joy. As it was, he could help the small smile that tugged at the corners of his mouth as he followed the waitress to the table.

The elation spike of elation was quickly cooled however by the closed look on Tony's face when the younger man looked up to meet his gaze. Gibbs found himself forgetting the waitress and laying a hand on the younger man's shoulder and squeezing slightly; he had even more ground than he'd feared to make up with Tony.

As they settled, it became even more obvious to Gibbs that it wasn't going to be easy and he felt slightly panicked at the seemingly insurmountable wall Tony was presenting him with. Their conversation wasn't really conversation, it was more awkward silence and too polite compliments than anything that could actually be considered talking. It was setting Gibbs on edge, but he didn't know how to fix it. He was afraid to push and force Tony to talk about it, but at the same time he knew that it had to be talked about before they could talk about anything else.

Time passed, and they ate. And Gibbs kept reminding himself that he was glad Tony was at least there. Finally Gibbs realized that the younger man wasn't going to say anything which meant he'd have to, unfortunately all that came out was “So.”

Tony blinked at him before sighing, “You did all that shit, waited all this time, somehow subliminally convinced Jenny to get me to come to dinner with you and all you have to say is 'So'? That's real smooth boss. Real smooth.”

Tony's voice was bitter and Gibbs winced, “I just...don't know what to say.”

“There isn't much you can say. Unless you have some magical reason that'll fix everything, which I doubt.” Tony's glare was nearly toxic, and Gibbs winced again. “I didn't think so.”

“It was stupid. I was stupid, so stupid that it took me a while to figure out how to stop being stupid.” Gibbs found that his gaze was fixed on the glass of water that Tony was swirling slowly, he couldn't seem to meet Tony's gaze.

Tony made a soft disgusted noise in the back of his throat, “That is one of the worst excuses I've ever heard. And I was a cop, so I've heard a fuckload of bad excuses.”

Gibbs winced again, “That wasn't an excuse...”

“It sure as hell sounded like one!” Tony's voice was tightly controlled but it still held a sharp edge of anger.

Gibbs shook his head, “There isn't an excuse for what I did Tony. I know that, and I'm not going to try and make one.”

“What if I want one?” That statement shocked Gibbs slightly and he swallowed, “Well Gibbs? What if I want you to actually look me in the eye and tell me why I wasn't good enough for you. Why you had to-to fuck that whore Hart. Could you even come up with one? Or was I just that much of a nothing for you?”

“No. Tony you know that isn't true.” Gibbs' voice was firmer than he thought it'd be.

“I don't know anything anymore. I used to know, but now? Now all I have are a bunch of questions that I'm not sure you can even answer.” Tony's voice wasn't as controlled now, it was more brittle and Gibbs was almost afraid that if he pushed the younger man's voice was break.

“Tony, you have to know that-”

“I don't have to know anything. You fucked up, so you convince me. For once, you do the work, because I'm tired.” Tony stopped swirling his water and set the glass down with a semi-loud thunk that made Gibbs wince and glance up at him.

He'd never seen Tony so defeated, and his chest ached knowing that he'd made the younger man look like that. “Please, Gibbs. Tell me there was some stupid fantastical reason for all of this. Tell me you're undercover and she's the head of a drug cartel, or something. Make this something you couldn't change. Make it something that isn't my fault, please.” Tony's voice broke several times, and he cleared his throat at the end obviously trying to suppress emotions that weren't suitable for a public restaurant.

The waiter chose that point to bring the check, because as usual with wait-staff he had the best and worst timing. Gibbs hastily grabbed the guy's arm, tucked his debit card in the folder and let the startled man go. “Look, let's take a walk or something and talk about this.” Tony blinked at him silently and Gibbs sighed, “I might not have a magical answer, and trust me I wish I did, but that doesn't mean I'm willing to give up.”

Tony sighed, “I shouldn't go. I really should just storm out of here dramatically and suffer quietly until I'm old and bitter. Like you.” Gibbs winced again but didn't say anything, “But I'm not you Boss, so I wont. There's a park not too far from here, we can walk there.”

Gibbs sighed in relief and gratefully accepted folder from the waiter who didn't linger long enough to be grabbed again. Tony casually threw a ten and a few ones on the table, he shrugged at Gibbs' dark glance. “He was a good waiter. He deserved a good tip, even before you man-handled him. Besides, you paid so it's customary for me to leave the tip.”

Gibbs let it go and signed the bill before standing and practically sprinting to catch up with Tony who was already halfway across the restaurant. He matched the younger man's brisk pace easily after that and resisted the urge touch him.

Tony was right about a park not being too far away, and walking there was easy enough. Getting Tony to actually stop walking so they could talk, was a bit harder and definitely awkward, but finally Gibbs sighed. “Let's sit Tony.”

Tony paused before turning to Gibbs and following him silently to the nearest bench and stood infront of Gibbs as he sat. “You don't have any real, valid excuses.”

Gibbs felt himself sigh, it wasn't a question. He answered anyway, “No. I don't.”

Tony clenched his jaw and nodded, “I knew that.”

Gibbs wished he knew what to say, but he really didn't. All those reasons he'd mused over with Ducky, which had seemed stupid at the time, seemed even more stupid when faced with Tony's pain. Who cared if he'd been on pain medications? Or that he'd been afraid of emotions that he hadn't wanted to admit he felt? Tony didn't need to hear how petty and stupid all those reasons were.

“I wish...I wish I could hate you.”

Gibbs felt his head jerk up in surprise, Tony's face was shadowed and his shoulders were tensed.

“But I can't, and it sucks that I can't. Because it hurts damn it. And I have no idea how the hell we fix this. And I know I shouldn't let us fix it, because I'm smarter than this. Really, I am.”

“Tony...” The sheer pain in the other man's voice caused Gibbs to forget he wasn't supposed to reach out and touch him.

Gibbs wasn't sure how it happened, but they somehow ended up pressed together in a more than slightly awkward embrace. Tony's face was pressed against his shoulder, and his hands were gripping Gibbs' upper-arms almost painfully tight; for his own part Gibbs was trying his best to not revel in the fact that Tony was in his arms again. It was a step forward at last.

And Gibbs wasn't so stupid as to let the chance fall through his fingers, “You're special Tony, and I know that I can't just say that. I have to prove it. But you were always special, I want you to know that again.”

Tony's hands tightened even more, and a small distracted part of Gibbs brain mused on if he'd have bruises afterwards, but he didn't pull away. Gibbs tightened his own hold around Tony's waist in response, “Can you let me prove it? Please?”

Gibbs chose to ignore the way his voice hitched on the word please.

Tony nodded against his shoulder, and Gibbs felt a bit of warmth and excitement return to his gut. He had another chance, and he wasn't going to squander it.

They stood like that for a very long time, garnering a few odd glances from the people who walked past. When Tony finally made to move away Gibbs had to consciously force himself to let go, the younger man looked shattered and Gibbs couldn't help but reach out to cup his cheek gently.

For the first time in a long while Tony didn't pull away, and Gibbs felt another thrill run through his gut but pushed it down. “I'm glad. You wont regret this. I promise.”

Tony cleared his throat, “Yeah well, at the moment your promises don't mean much boss.”

“I know. But I'll change that. Really.” Gibbs' voice was firm, he couldn't afford to have his conviction waiver now.

Tony shook his head slightly, “I wish I had your faith boss.”

The unspoken, “Like I used to” almost made Gibbs wince again.

“Come on Tony, I'll walk you back to your car.”

The walk back took longer, and the atmosphere between them was different. Tony sighed as they passed the now closed Cafe Milano, “Johann was guilty wasn't she.”

Gibbs paused, again it wasn't a question.

“You could have called some other lawyer for her Gibbs.” Tony's voice was slightly bitter and Gibbs sighed.

“That was an oily, disgusting mess of a situation Tony. So I called the most oily, disgusting defense lawyer I knew.” His voice was dry, and he knew it wasn't the explanation Tony was looking for. “I can tell you that I haven't seen Allison Hart since that night and I don't plan to.”

“Give me your phone.” Tony stopped walking to lean against his car, Gibbs blinked but handed it over anyway. Tony deftly pressed buttons in the way that Gibbs always almost envied before finally handing it back. “She isn't in your contacts anymore.” Gibbs blinked but nodded, “I'm having McGee delete her from your email contacts too. If you even added her, which I doubt.” The younger man's voice was grim, “I don't blame her entirely, but she's still a slimy bitch and if I ever see her near you again without a very clear connection to a case everything we talked about tonight is toast.”

Gibbs nodded, and met Tony's gaze squarely. “I can do that.”

“Good. I'll see you on Monday.” Tony made a motion to get into his car, and Gibbs laid a hand on his arm. Tony paused, unsure as he turned his confused gaze on Gibbs.

Gibbs cleared his throat, “Here.” He reached into his pocket and held out a key. Tony took it, confusion becoming even more prominent. “It's the key to the door. There's only two others. I have one and so does Ducky, for emergencies, but you should have one too. That lock wasn't ever to keep you out, just....other people.” Tony blinked at him slowly and nodded looking at the key.

Gibbs cleared his throat again, “And...if you ever...need to check and make sure I'm alone, or that I'm being honest when I say I'm working in the basement, with that you can. And I don't care when, really. You've always had an open invitation, but now....” Tony'd turned his eyes back to Gibbs face and he was smiling.

“I will.”

Gibbs let him get in the car then, and watched him drive away. Things weren't perfect, they weren't even healthy but he thought that they'd gotten to the point that someday soon they would be healthy again.

An Easter of Eggshells

ashbear02 — Mon, 05 Apr 2010 06:39:56 GMT

Title: An Easter of Eggshells
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Pairing: Hotch/Reid
Rating: PG for mild swearing
Word Count: 4861
Summary: Easter hasn't ever been Spencer's favorite holiday.
Warnings: minor Angst and Fluff galore
Authors note: I set out to right a fluffy little Easter fic because Jack is adorable and I mean that just begs to be done. Well this sort of developed a mind of it's own. But I fairly like it. I was shooting to post it on Easter Sunday, but life happened and Family drama happened (it wouldn't be a holiday without it) so I'm posting it a day late. Either way, I hope everyone had a happy Easter!! =D
Special Thanks to: colordrone who had to listen to me rant about it and was kind enough to beta it for me at 2:30 am.

Jack had turned 6 less than a month before so it really shouldn't have come as any surprise to Spencer that the young boy apparently expecting to do something special for Easter. As it was Spencer was shocked, as his family had rarely done special things for holidays (with the possible exception of a yearly rant from his mother about Easter being a coverup for a pagan fertility holiday which had really drained the fun out of the whole thing). Which was why Spencer found himself trying very hard to not do the same every time Jack bounced around excitedly talking rapidly about a bunny (hence the bouncing).

So when Spencer had been relieved to hear that Aaron was planning on taking him to an Easter Egg Hunt with Jessica Easter Sunday. Which a part of Spencer rebelled at since he had a vague gut feeling that anything and everything a church did had overtones of religion. And Spencer firmly believed you shouldn't raise a child to just automatically believe any ideology, even his own, he preferred to force Jack to find his own answers.

This philosophy tended to lead to him asking Jack many questions that Aaron would raise his eyebrows at, but he never openly questioned him about it, so Spencer was running on the belief that Aaron trusted him enough to not royally screw up his son mentally. Which had its own issues, and tended to freak Spencer out since he'd never expected to be in the position to mentally screw someone up.

Aaron had also informed them that the Easter Egg Hunt was also Easter Breakfast with the Easter Bunny on Easter Sunday which Jack was terribly excited about; Spencer was getting sick and tired of hearing the word Easter, and the damned holiday was still a week away.

The problems began early in the week before The Sunday (Spencer refused to call it Easter any longer), because on Tuesday Jessica became violently ill.

Which was not good for many reasons.

There was the obvious reason that Spencer was genuinely fond of Jessica as a person, she'd taken him under her wing and into her family without batting an eye. And Spencer had found himself dropping by meaning just to pick up Jack and ending up having discussions about philosophy with the stay at home mom-to-be. She'd turned out to be astonishingly intelligent, which Spencer should have foreseen since she was Haley's sister and Haley had never been accused of being an idiot.

The less obvious reason was purely selfish, and a part of Spencer hated that it was even a concern. Spencer did not want to go to the Easter Egg Hunt, or the Breakfast, or any of it; he'd told Aaron so, very bluntly. To Aaron's credit, the older man had just smiled knowingly, given his partner a soft kiss, and said easily, “I wasn't going to ask you to.”

Then on Wednesday they'd caught a case, which had been tricky to begin with since Jessica was sick and Jack needed someone to stay with during the day, because apparently public schools let children out for a two week “spring break” beginning the week of Easter. Luckily the case was fairly local so it'd been a bit easy to orchestrate Aaron staying home that evening and Spencer staying home the next morning with Jack. The plan had been to switch at around noon.

The plan failed miserably, in that way that only the best laid plans could.

Spencer had been doing the dishes from the mid-morning waffles while Jack laughed away at something on the Discovery Kids channel when he'd gotten the call. None of those heart wrenching times in the past when he'd had to deal with Hotch being hurt came close to JJ's soft voice telling him Hotch had been shot and was in the ER again. Spencer had felt himself go numb, and it wasn't JJ's slightly panicked inquires about the crashing noise that brought him back. Instead he felt himself jerk back to a half awareness when he heard Jack's soft voice, “Spencer? Did you drop a plate?”

He swallowed thickly and forced himself to think, absentmindedly assuring JJ everything was okay and hanging up. He had indeed dropped a plate and he watched half numbly as Jack got the broom and began chiding him, in a tone that sounded far too much like Aaron, about being careful. He vaguely wondered just how often he broke things if Jack already knew what to do. It felt like he was swimming through mental molasses as he attempted to think through what he should do; leaving Jack alone was out of the question, but on the other hand the boy had listened to his mother get shot and die, seeing his father in a similar situation would be difficult.

And Spencer might be baffled in general by Jack, and slightly annoyed with him at times, but he genuinely cared for the boy. Spencer didn't want Jack to have to deal with anything that would harm him emotionally or physically, but he knew that lying was also out of the question so he really only had one option. And Spencer didn't like it.

So he'd had to tell the boy that his father was in the hospital, and that he needed to get dressed so they could go. Spencer hadn't been able to look into Jack's face before the boy bolted, and he'd numbly changed into clothes that were not ratty pajamas and stuffed his feet into shoes before going in search of Jack.

He found the boy half in tears trying to tie his shoes, Spencer had swallowed before calmly tying the shoelaces for him and leading the way to the car. He called JJ to find out which hospital Aaron was in hoping it would be close - thankfully it was and they'd make it there within an hour. He hadn't dared to ask if she had any news, and he lack of sharing didn't help the burning in his chest. They drove in silence, with the exception of Jacks half sobs, and Spencer found himself absentmindedly thinking that he should call Jessica. But there wasn't anything she could do, and he didn't know anything so he decided to wait until he had actual information before ruining her day too.

Parking at Hospitals is always complicated, even more so when you don't live in the area and haven't ever been to said hospital, and this could only be made worse if you were also dealing with extreme emotions. Sadly Spencer was, so he made the rather easy choice of taking advantage of the Valet Parking option. He didn't care if it ended up costing him $500, he just wanted to get to where Aaron was.

Spencer didn't comment when Jack's small hand slid into his as they tried to make sense of where they needed to go. Finally it was Emily who spotted them and called out before they could walk past the correct waiting room.

Spencer had been hoping for news.

There was no news.

Aaron was still in surgery, and all his friends could say was the unsub didn't get away. Which was a cold comfort as Spencer found himself sitting numbly in a hard plastic chair staring at a cartoon cutout of the fucking Easter Bunny pinned to the wall. He barely felt Jack crawl into his lap, or the boy bury his face in his hair, but he did feel his own arms wrap around Jack's smaller body tightly. Because he needed to hold on to something, and they were family. They weren't normal, or stereotypical, but they were a family, which wasn't something Spencer had thought about really. He'd never considered himself Jack's parent; he'd considered himself Aaron's partner which meant he had some responsibility for Jack as well.

But this was different, and Spencer was too numb to actually analyze it at the moment.

Eventually the doctor did come out, and Spencer hadn't felt fear to that degree in a long time. But he felt the pressure in his chest ease as the doctor smiled - Aaron wasn't going to die.

Relief was palpable in the room as they were informed that he'd be waking up within the hour and that when he did they could see him. Spencer didn't cry until he saw Aaron, and when he did it wasn't easy or cathartic; it was painful and intense and louder than he'd liked. But Spencer didn't cry easily, he never had.

Aaron's half muttered reassurances only compounded the manner, and Spencer found himself just shaking his head and saying “You just can't leave us” in the most embarrassingly broken tone over and over and over. It went on like that for awhile before Spencer could get himself together enough to realize that Jack should probably come in before Aaron gave into exhaustion and pain and fell asleep.

He attempted to make himself presentable before returning to the waiting room to get Jack; he fooled no one, but he pretended he did and they pretended he did so it was okay. The small hand that slipped into his again was reassuring and welcome, and Jack's set face prompted Spencer to wrap an arm awkwardly around the boy instead.

Jack crying made Spencer cry again, and Aaron tried to make a joke about him not being that ugly that really wasn't funny but Spencer laughed anyway. He knew it was a psychological protection mechanism, but it was better than breaking down again so he let himself laugh.

Aaron was asleep before too long, and Spencer vaguely noted it was actually Friday morning when the nurse gently suggested they lay down in the empty bed next to Hotch's. At first Spencer was resistant, but Jack stubbornly declared that he wouldn't sleep unless Spencer did and it was obvious that the poor kid was exhausted. So he agreed, thinking he'd just pretend to sleep.

But he did fall asleep, lulled by Jack's deep breathing from where he was half curled against Spencer's chest and by the reassurance that Aaron was in the same room and alive. A different nurse gently shook them awake before she presented all three of them with breakfast and left them to eat as a family.

The doctor and nurses came by when they were done to assess Aaron's condition, in the end it was decided they'd keep him until Saturday morning and then he'd be on bed rest for a while. Spencer was just happy he was alive, and was slightly taken aback when Aaron took Jack's hand and squeezed it. “I'm sorry Buddy, I don't think Easter will be all that much this year.”

And in that moment Spencer swore that once Aaron was home Jack would have the best damn Easter of his life, even if Spencer would be half miserable the entire time. Which was why when he called Jessica one of his last questions was, “What the hell goes in an Easter Basket anyway?”

That evening when they made Aaron for a while, Spencer convinced Jack to lay down too. After all it had been a long day and the kid was tired. It was easy for Spencer to get JJ to stay with Jack and Aaron while he went to Walmart with the list of things Jessica had given him. Spencer decided he hated Walmart before he ever stepped foot into the building, and it only got worse when he actually got inside. Jessica had ranted about baskets and chocolate bunnies and how it was a point of pride for their family that none of their children, Jack included, had never gotten a prepackaged basket, so Spencer shouldn't get one of those. Spencer immediately regretted that as he looked mournfully at the wall of garishly decorated baskets, but sighed and moved on. His mother had always said, in her coherent moments, that if something was worth doing it was worth doing right.

So he'd found a basket, a very normal looking wicker basket with a handle, and headed towards the Candy. And that's when his problems really started, because he was suddenly faced with an entire wall full of candy. Half of which were bunnies, and the other half of which were eggs. Spencer swallowed, and grabbed the closest things to him and a medium sized chocolate bunny before trying to figure out what else he was supposed to get.

The last item on his list was of all things a bow, so he somehow ended up in the craft section looking at yards of ribbon. Which really didn't help. At all.

Which was when a very large woman, wearing a name tag that proudly proclaimed her name was “Shirley”, a bright blue vest and very large hair came waltzing down the aisle and straight for him, her voice came as loud but pleasant boom as she honed in on him, “Why hello! How can I help you today? I get a few men back here but most of them are either with their wife or know what they're doin'! Oh! You're makin' an Easter Basket! How sweet! I always hated the idea of those ugly ones at the front you know, it's so good of you to make one! But you don't have Peeps? How can you make an Easter Basket without Peeps?”

Spencer blinked at her for a long moment, “Peeps?”

She blinked back, “Peeps! Y'know? Marshmallow? Covered in yellow sugar? Or y'know they have other colors, but I always preferred the originals myself.” She frowned at his blank look, “You haven't done this before have you?”

Spencer shook his head slowly, “I need a bow? I think?”

“Ah, well then. We'll get you one of those. And some peeps, now come on over here. You should get a premade bow, it'll look just as nice and you can learn to make one for next year.” She began waltzing off and Spencer numbly followed not willing to look a gift horse in the mouth, all the while wondering what on earth she meant by next year.

Within half an hour Shirley had replaced half the candy he'd haphazardly grabbed with what she claimed were her old and new favorites that Jack was just “sure to love.” The entire time she talked, and talked, and talked, and by the time she lead Spencer to the stuffed animal section he was sure he knew more about her than half his friends. “Now hun, you need to get him a bunny.”

Spencer blinked, “A bunny?”

She nodded sternly, “Yes, a bunny. Every child should get a Bunny on Easter.”

“But it isn't on the list? And I want this to be as normal as possible and...” He trailed off at the stare she sent him. “It doesn't have to be pink?”

She laughed, “Oh no, your Jack is a boy. Though I wouldn't get him a blue one either. How about this one?”

She held up a large white floppy thing that Spencer supposed could be considered a rabbit and he absentmindedly shook his head as he surveyed the wall of animals. He finally picked up a medium sized brown one that didn't have a bow, Shirley raised her eyebrows but nodded as he set it in his cart. “Alright hun, I think you're all set. Go check out now, and come see me about learnin' to make that bow!” She waltzed away again before he could say a word, so Spencer shook his head and went to check out.

Spencer was able to get home and stash his loot in their closet, grab all three of them a change of clothes and get back to the hospital in a fairly good amount of time considering the distance.

JJ raised her eyebrows when he told her why it'd taken him so long, “You're making the basket? I thought you'd just buy one.”

“Yeah well...don't ask. It's a lot harder than it sounds. Is Aaron awake do you know?” Spencer hated that he'd had to leave while Aaron was in the hospital.

JJ grinned, “He's still passed out, but they said you could go back in about half an hour, and Penelope came to take Jack to lunch not that long ago. They should be back in time to have him go back with you. The thought of you in a walmart is terrifying. How did it go?”

“A very nice lady named Shirley is going to teach me to make a boy for his basket next year. Let me stash this stuff and you can help me find in Aaron's day planner where and when that damn hunt and breakfast are going to be.” He shrugged and tried to ignore JJ's giggles while she followed him to the cafe to get some coffee.

“Did Jessica tell you where the Easter Egg Hunt and Breakfast is on Sunday?” JJ's question was practical and a tad too casual but Spencer told her where without much thought as he piled sugar into the sub-par coffee.

Aaron was obviously a bit out of it, but he managed to keep up the appearance of being fine when Jack and Spencer went back. Spencer saw through it of course, but he didn't say anything; Aaron was allowed to pretend to be stronger than he was. Spencer fell asleep again that night with Jack cuddled to his chest across from Aaron and wishing Sunday was over.

Wishes didn't always come true. The next morning was a rush to get Aaron checked out and home. Jack was subdued and the three ended up spending most of the day watching the Discovery Kids channel together in the living room. Spencer sent Jack to bed early, and it was a testament to just how tired the kid was that he didn't complain.

And then Spencer dragged his supplies to the living room and stared at it wondering why he found what should be such a menial task so daunting.

“Spencer, what are you doing?” Aaron's voice was groggy, but that was understandable, “I could swear I see you making an Easter Basket. But they must have given me better stuff than I thought.”

Spencer snorted, “Why is it that me wanting to make Jack an Easter Basket is such a surprise to everyone. Shirley believed in me.”

“Spencer I always believe in you. It just doesn't seem like you is all.” Aarons voice was beginning to slur slightly and Spencer decided it was time for all the Hotchners to go to bed, not just Jack.

Actually assembling the Basket was easier than he'd thought it would be, and once he was done he was a bit proud of it. So after he'd carefully set it on the kitchen table to wait for Jack he took a few pictures of it, which really was just silly.

Spencer was jolted awake by the blaring of his alarm. Aaron jerked awake as well with a groan, “Spencer. It is Sunday, why is your Alarm on?” Spencer's lover's voice was groggy from sleep and pain, and Spencer grimaced.

“Because your son is going to that god forsaken Easter Egg hunt. Go back to sleep.” Spencer tried to be casual as he blearily searched for clothes.

“Spencer, I am not up to taking him to an Egg Hunt.” Aaron's voice was tired on a whole new level, and Spencer didn't look at him as he pulled on a pair of slacks.

“I know. You aren't going to take him. I am. You'll be fine on your own for 2 or so hours, now go back to sleep unless you want me to get to you set up on the couch?” Spencer finally turned to face Aaron and found the older man gaping at him.

“But you hate churches!”

Spencer frowned, “No, I hate the hypocrisy that often accompanies religion. That has nothing to do with a bunch of kids searching for a bunch of eggs with candy inside, and Jack is too young to understand any of that anyway. Now do you want the couch or not.”

Aaron blinked, “Couch I suppose, since I'm awake.”

“If that's what you want. I can put on Star Trek for you, if you want?” Spencer ignored Aaron's exaggerated grimace at the mention of Star Trek and helped the older man pull himself out of bed.

Both of the adults were immediately aware when Jack discovered his Easter Basket, Jack would never be accused of being a quiet child. Spencer couldn't help but ask “He isn't too....plain?” when Jack showed his father the bunny.

Two similar faces stared at him for a moment before Jack shook his head vigorously, “I love him! He's perfect!” The boy peered at him for a moment, “Did you make my basket this year?”

Spencer blinked, suddenly unsure if he knew weather Jack believed in the Easter Bunny anymore. “That depends...who normally makes it?”

Jack frowned at him, “Aunt Jess but she's sick. The Easter Bunny isn't real.” Jack leaned closer to Spencer and whispered, “But we don't tell the other kids that because they aren't ready to know.”

Spencer grinned slightly, “Then, yes I made it.”

Jack smiled, “You did perfect!”

Which caused a really odd warm feeling in Spencer's chest that he wasn't used to feeling so he distracted himself by calmly informing Jack that he needed to get dressed or they'd be late for the hunt. Jack was immediately off in a flurry of activity to get shoes and to find his shoes and socks, which left Aaron staring at Spencer as he calmly ate the last few bites of his pancakes.

“You're really going to take him?” Aaron's voice lacked the deadpan humor he'd had earlier that morning.

Spencer nodded, “Yes I am. Now stop looking at me like I've grown another head, do you need anything before we leave? I have no real idea what this will entail so...”

Aaron was grinning, “You're in for a bit of a surprise then I suppose, and I'll be fine. I've managed alone before.”

“I don't want you to have to 'manage' anything though.” Spencer frowned, “If you need me you'll call right?”

Aaron smiled, “Thanks, I'll call if I need you. Promise.”

Spencer nodded as Jack came whirling into the room, “I'M READY!” Aaron laughed and Spencer didn't grimace, it was a start.

Spencer wasn't sure what he'd expected to do while Jack was “hunting eggs” but it wasn't getting free coffee with a group of people he'd never seen before. He vaguely wished he'd brought a book, but before he'd been there long a familiar voice called his name and he turned to find JJ striding towards him with Will trailing behind her grinning.

“JJ? What...”

She smirked, “Henry is just old enough to come to the hunt so I thought we'd come and give you some company.”

Spencer blinked, “I didn't think you were religious?”

JJ shrugged but Will nodded, “I'm a bit. JJ doesn't mind it too much, and I did this when I was a kid so I thought it was a lovely tradition to start for Henry too. We even got him a basket -it was last minute but JJ claims it's the thought that counts.”

“Not everyone is crafty enough to make their own.” JJ's voice was a bit smug and Spencer had to laugh, thankful that there was at least one familiar face in the crowd of strangers.

When Spencer next saw Jack, he knew it'd been the right choice. The boy was running towards him with the biggest grin Spencer had seen in days and was carrying a bag half full of plastic eggs. Spencer didn't had time to really brace himself for the force of a 46 pound boy slamming into him; but he managed to stay upright - barely. “Spencer! Henry and I found all these eggs, and there's chocolate bunnies, and the eggs are different colors and Henry and I sorted through ours and I gave him all my red ones and he gave me all his blue ones because that's my favorite color. Can real eyes be blue if they aren't dyeded? I told Henry no but he thinks there are blue chickens, but he's really little so I guess that's why.”

Spencer took a few moments to process what Jack was saying but he grinned anyway, “No there aren't blue chickens. And the only blue eggs that I can think of that you'd find naturally are bluebird eggs, and they're very small.”

Jack nodded, “Blue birds are blue so it makes sense that their eggs would be too.”

Spencer felt his grin widen at the logic. “You ready for the breakfast?”

Jack nodded vigorously and again the small hand slipped into Spencer's as they followed the crowd into what looked like a mini-cafeteria and were served pastel colored pancakes. Spencer blinked down at them for a moment before shrugging and eating them; he didn't notice JJ taking her camera out and he didn't realize she was taking a picture until he was blinking the flash from his eyes.

She smirked a bit, “Hotch will want some evidence you actually ate it. He'd never believe me otherwise.”

“Take one with BOTH OF US!” Jacks loud request first made Spencer question the amount of sugar the young boy had been allowed so far in the day. But he allowed JJ to take a photo of them with little resistance.

When they finally got home it was early afternoon and Jack was thoroughly hyped up on sugar. Spencer wasn't sure what to do, but coming home to Aaron dozing on the couch sobered them both up a bit. So Spencer spent most of that afternoon peering out the window at Jack who was running around the backyard and keeping an eye on both the TV and Aaron.

Dinner was casual, and they watched a few Easter Specials on the TV afterwords. It wasn't long before Jack was changing into his pajamas and Spencer noticed that instead of the old scruffy bear he was clutching the little brown bunny.

“Spencer...can you read me this book?” Jack's request wasn't an odd one, but Spencer hadn't ever seen the book he held out.

It was a hardcover copy of a story called The Country Bunny and The Little Gold Shoes and it was obviously old and very worn, but he didn't think much of it as he settled beside the boy on his bed and began to read.

“We hear of the Easter Bunny who comes each Easter Day before sunrise to bring eggs for boys and girls, so we think there is only one. But this is not so. There are really five Easter Bunnies, and they must be the five kindest, and swiftest, and wisest bunnies in the whole wide world...”

The story surprised Spencer, he hadn't expected it to actually have a message. Let alone a message he could see and appreciate, but it did. Jack seemed to enjoy it, but he didn't look at the pictures he watched Spencer, which made him twitch a bit while he read.

“And the little house of Mother Cotton Tail can always be told from the homes of other bunnies. Because in a very special place on the wall, on a very special hook, hangs a very tiny pair of gold shoes.”

When he was done reading Jack sat back with a smile, and Spencer felt himself returning it unconsciously. “Thanks Spencer.” The young boy settled down under the covers and burrowed into his pillows still clutching the bunny tightly.

“Anytime Jack.” Spencer was on his way to the door and he paused to put the book away on Jack's shelf. He glanced at the title page one last time and found an inscription,

“To Haley,

I hope you can tell this tale one day to your children like I'm telling it to you. Remember you can do or be anything. Always believe that.

Mom

1986”

Spencer blinked and gently closed the book with a tad more reverence than he'd shown it before and placed it on one of the shelves. He briefly wondered if Aaron realized his son had the book, but decided it didn't matter. If he didn't, it wasn't Spencer's place to tell him yet. Maybe one day when those wounds were still so fresh and raw he'd bring it up, but at the moment he was half reeling from Jack asking him to read it at all.

He settled down with Aaron not too long later and gave a small contented sigh, maybe Easter wasn't so bad after all.

Note: The Country Bunny and The Gold Shoes is indeed a real children's story that my mother read to me as a kid. It's by DuBose Heyward and it's amazing. I still love it. And I genuinely plan to read it to any children I ever decide to have.

Writer's Block: Countdown

ashbear02 — Mon, 22 Mar 2010 23:45:00 GMT

My laptop, my Ipod, and my Teddy Bear. Why?

Because my laptop has my journal entries, all my friends addresses and contact information, all my pictures and all my finished and unfinished stories; my ipod has all my music and most of my favorite books loaded onto it; and my teddy bear is my teddy bear. Everything else is replaceable, but the memories that those three things contain are the things I'd never want to lose. =3

Brick by Brick 5/?

ashbear02 — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 00:49:50 GMT

Title: Brick by Brick 5/?
Fandom: NCIS
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2649
Warnings: Major Angst
Authors Note: So yes, here's part 5. ^_^' I hope you guys like Jenny, I'm rather fond of her at this point.
Back Chapters Can Be Found Here

Almost three weeks went by before Tony even felt like looking at Gibbs again, and Gibbs didn’t push it. There were times when Gibbs came really close to making Tony walk, and there were times when it was obvious that Gibbs was trying so hard and Tony wanted nothing more than to throw his arms around him and just let him hold him again. But he didn’t walk, and he didn’t let Gibbs hold him; and things were fairly even keeled from day to day.

Tony kept going to clubs with Jimmy, Hannah and Jenny. He enjoyed himself, and even let go enough to dance with Jenny a few times. He’d missed letting go, he’d missed flirting, and he’d missed having someone hug him like he was normal again; Jenny gave him all of that without the expectations he’d face with other women and he didn’t have to pretend to chase her romantically. They both were far too well aware of how unready they were for more than a comfortable friendship. Which is exactly what they had; it was completely platonic and fun, she’d dragged him to an adult store with her to buy them both vibrators as a surprise and just grinned at him impishly before exclaiming, “It’s in celebration of our celibacy!” Tony hadn’t ever laughed like that, but Jenny could do that.

It’d been a hard week, 3 cases one after another meant they were all behind on paperwork. And Tony was battling a headache, barely aware that he probably shouldn’t have gone almost an entire day with nothing but coffee to drink when he heard a very familiar voice drifting from the elevator and felt his head snap up.

Jenny was barreling straight towards him, eyes narrowed with a to-go bag that looked like it was from The Green Briar and she was dressed to the nines, he suddenly realized the date and practically swore aloud. Before he could make his way to his feet she was standing in front of him with a glare, “You are going to eat this damn steak and I’m going to watch you.”

Tony swallowed, “Um, Happy Birthday?”

She rolled her eyes and set the bag down gingerly on the desk, “Whatever, like that matters.”

He winced, “I’m so sorry Jenny. Really. I’ve just been so swamped at work the past couple of days…”

“So swamped you haven’t even been eating properly. Yes I know, Jimmy told me. I don’t care that you weren’t there, it was retarded and the only good thing that came out of that dinner was my Irish Breakfast.” She shrugged and pushed the bag forward again, “Hannah’s pissed, but she just wants us to get married already.”

Tony shook his head, “Thanks Jen. Really I have so much shit to do before I can go home, and I haven’t eaten since…” He trailed off with a wince.

“Don’t tell me, just eat. If you can’t remember without an effort it’s been far too long and it’d only make me angry.” She propped herself against the corner of his desk with an exasperated sigh and watched him begin poking around the bag. ”So this is where you work?”

Tony swallowed the mouthful of mashed potatoes almost painfully, “Oh shit um, yeah.” Sure enough as he glanced around the bullpen Ziva and McGee were both openly staring at him. Tony felt himself wince, “I should probably introduce you to the team now that you’re here. Just thank god Gibbs isn’t…”

“OH!” Jenny looked scandalized again, “Should I go?” She bit her lip worriedly, “I don’t want to get you in any trouble Tony.”

“Oh he won’t be in any trouble, had you shown up 5 hours ago probably. But all we have now is paperwork, besides I would like to meet the woman who can demand Tony do something so easily.” Ziva’s voice held a hint of amusement, and a great deal of curiosity.

“She’s right. It’ll be fine.” Tony sighed and paused in his chewing long enough to point at the other two, “That’s McGoo and David. Guys this is Jenny.”

McGee and Ziva both frowned slightly, but Jenny just smiled. “So you’re the infamous Tim and Ziva, Jimmy and Tony talk about you a lot. Nice to have faces to go with the names.”

Ziva blinked, “He speaks of us?”

“Don’t believe half of it.” Tim winced, “Really don’t.”

“So you aren’t a cool guy?” Jenny’s blue eyes narrowed, in a way that Tony was all too familiar with, as she stared down McGee. “And she isn’t strong? You’re mighty quick to assume you know what he’s said.”

McGee swallowed almost audibly as she glared at him, but before she could say anything more Tony heard a familiar voice snap “DiNozzo!”

And suddenly his worst fears were coming true as Jenny turned towards the voice and Gibbs rounded the corner.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Gibbs hated it when they were as busy as they had been that week; things got lost in the mad dash to catch the bad guy. Things like Tony eating. Which just wasn’t acceptable, and Gibbs had decided it was long past time the two of them had a talk.

Ducky’s gentle prodding had finally helped him figure out just what the fuck had been going on in his head, and he felt like Tony deserved to at least have the option of hearing it, since it had involved him intimately.

It had gotten fairly late, but Gibbs was sure something would be open; so he’d decided to just surprise Tony and drag him out somewhere before hopefully getting to actually talk. He’d barely gotten out of the elevator and snapped “DiNozzo!” when he came face-to-face with someone that looked far too familiar.

“I’m assuming that’s Gibbs.”

Her gaze was openly assessing, and her voice wasn’t cold but it wasn’t warm either. And Gibbs felt himself frown while he let himself assess her in turn; she was tall with long vivid red hair, sharp green eyes, and her clothes showed off a neat figure that she obviously didn’t mind showing off. Gibbs had a nasty feeling in his gut at the way Tony’s eyes were cutting back and forth between them, finally she smiled, “Yeah, you’re Gibbs.” She turned back to Tony with a smirk, “I can see what you were talking about, but shouldn’t you introduce us?”

Tony sighed, “Boss this is,” He paused with a visible wince, “This is Jenny.” And suddenly it clicked in Gibbs head who she reminded him of, he felt numb as he shook the hand she offered and shook it.

“I bought Tony dinner since he missed my party.” She shot Tony a wry grin, “So it’s you he stood me up for then. Not surprising though, men and their work.” She looked back at Gibbs with raised eyebrows.

And then Gibbs knew that she knew and felt himself grow even more numb, he cleared his throat. “Yeah, I was about to pull him out to get food myself.”

She blinked at him, before frowning and meeting his gaze. “You should still do that another time.” Her voice was firm, and Gibbs knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he’d have yet another person to answer to if Tony ever gave him a second chance.

Gibbs nodded solemnly, feeling like he was signing a contract or making a deal, “I will.”

“Good.” Her voice sounded pleased and she gave Gibbs arm a soft pat before turning back to a vigorously chewing Tony, “I expect you to call me in the morning so you can make up missing tonight.” He swallowed with a nod and stood to give her a hug, Gibbs felt something in his chest twist when she pressed a kiss against both his cheeks affectionately. ”It was nice to meet you all!” And with a final wave she half sauntered away.

Ziva’s surprised, “I like her. Why would she put up with Tony?” made Gibbs frown.

“Because she has good taste Agent David, now finish what you’re working on and clear out. It’s too late to be messing with reports right now.” Gibbs was hardly aware of the ice in his tone as he stared at Ziva who nodded and turned back to her monitor.

Gibbs didn’t bother looking at McGee, but his eyes did linger on Tony who was staring at him openly. “She’s right DiNozzo, we should get that dinner sometime. If you want.”

Tony narrowed his eyes, “Dinner wont automatically fix things Gibbs.”

Gibbs nodded, “But you have to start somewhere, and I’d like to try to.”

“Maybe I don’t want to.” Tony’s voice was cold, and Gibbs could feel curious eyes on his back but couldn’t find it within himself to care.

“Then you don’t have to, but I’d like you to.” Gibbs shrugged again, feeling slightly helpless and hoped he hadn’t acquired that look Ducky had warned him about.

Tony swallowed, “If I do go to this dinner, I can leave anytime and you won’t have the right to stop me. It won’t guarantee shit, it just means I like free food. Got me? ”

Gibbs almost smiled, recognizing his last chance, “Just give me a time and a place Tony, and that’s where I’ll be.”

Tony nodded stiffly before taking the last bite of his steak and throwing the bag in his garbage, but even though Tony didn’t look Gibbs’ way again that night when he came in the next morning there was a post-it note on his monitor that said:

“Café Milano
3251 Prospect Street
Washington, DC 20007
Reservations are for 7 on Saturday.
Don’t be late;
if I see that bitch anytime between now and Saturday,
I’ll cancel these reservations
and give your old friend Fornell a call.”

Gibbs smiled, Tony might not give him any slack but he was giving him a last chance and that’s all he was looking for.

ashbear02 — Sat, 13 Mar 2010 01:45:59 GMT

Title: Brick by Brick 4/?
Fandom: NCIS
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2649
Warnings: Major Angst
Authors Note: Okay so I know you all really want me to just be able to magically fix this. But this isn't something that can be magically fixed, but we'll eventually get there. I named this after the song Brick by Brick by Train, soooo.....*sigh* That's a good indication of how this will eventually. end.

Tony felt like an idiot, he’d been ready to forgive Gibbs and the entire time he was doing god only knows what with Hart. And yet Tony was still sitting there, head buried in his old pillow and allowing himself to smell Gibbs. His grip tightened on the pillow, he couldn’t like like this and he knew it. Tony had made his choice and he’d stand by it.

Or course that didn’t mean that he didn’t clutch his pillow all night long wishing it was Gibbs.

Jim didn’t blink twice the next day when Tony told him, he just nodded and shrugged. “It was always your choice Tony.”

Abby was a bit more emotional about it, “But don’t you love him?” Her eyes had been large and luminous in that way that only Abby’s eyes were, which as usual made it impossible to lie to her.

“Yeah Abbs, but I can’t live in Limbo waiting for him to get his head out of his ass.”

She’d made a low unhappy noise and hugged him tightly for a few moments, and Tony allowed himself to relax. He might have to face Gibbs daily but he didn’t have to do it alone, it turned out Gibbs had been right by having rule 12.

The first few times Gibbs had attempted to talk to him, Tony had ignored it; and Gibbs seemed to take the hint. Just staring at Tony across the bullpen; which pulled on far too many of Tony’s heart strings but he held firm.

On Thursday Jim approached him at his desk around noon with a happy smile that Tony recognized with a smirk, “Someone has a date.”

Jimmy’s grin grew, if that was even possible, “Yup! Tomorrow. But we were thinking we’d go clubbing this time, and she has a friend that she’s bringing and I thought that since you’ve been talking about moving on you should come with me.”

Tony could practically feel Gibbs gaze and blinked, “Um, sure yeah I can come. Where are you guys going?”

Jimmy was all smiles as he gave Tony the details and half skipped to the elevator, Tony shook his head with a rueful smile. Tony honestly tried not to look at Gibbs, but eventually he almost had to and was faced with a Gibbs that Tony hadn’t seen before. Tony sighed, and tried to remind himself that Gibbs was an ass who didn’t deserve his time of day.

At lunch Ziva was making a lot of noise about Ducky and Gibbs and how she was worried about them both; McGee was nodding vigorously and Tony was distractedly wondering if Ducky was talking to Gibbs yet.

Which is how Tony found himself in the morgue and half dragging Ducky into his office, with a half wave to Jimmy; Ducky tugged at his sleeve absentmindedly with a small scowl at Tony, “My dear boy, telling me you wanted to talk would have sufficed.”

Tony shrugged and waved the comment off, “Are you talking to Gibbs?”

Ducky blinked, “Jethro? I never stopped talking to Jethro.” Tony sent him a pointed look and Ducky sighed, “Well fine alright. No I haven’t been as…eh…warm as I possibly could be.”

Tony shook his head, “You should talk to him, he seems upset.” Ducky raised his eyebrows silently and sent Tony a significant look. “I’m not talking to him Ducky, because he’s a bastard and he hurt me but he does need to talk and…and he hurt me not you and just…god damn it Ducky just talk to him. Please?”

Ducky laid a hand on his shoulder with a small smile, “Alright my boy, I will.”

Tony sighed, “Thank you.” He studied the older man silently for a moment, “How’re you Duck? Ziva’s got her panties in a bunch about your bow-ties and Abby isn’t far behind…is it eh…?” He waved his hand vaguely and Ducky laughed.

“You’re a good man Anthony DiNozzo, but yes I’m alright. I’d ask how you know about my mother’s passing but I’m not sure I want to know.” Ducky was sending him an indulgent smile.

“Are you kidding? Palmer talks when he’s drunk.” Tony frowned, “I was a bit sad you didn’t tell me though, I mean I was her Italian Gigolo Furniture Mover, I thought our connection was sacred.”

Ducky laughed, “Yes you were, you should come with me to see her some time. I’m sure she’d have appreciated it.”

Tony leaned forward and squeezed Ducky’s shoulder, “Just give me a time and place Duck and we’ll go together. She was one awesome lady. But I should get back to work, and you should talk to Gibbs.”

Tony didn’t hear the older man sigh as he left, and he was already halfway to the elevator by the time Ducky had walked back over to Jim. “What on earth are we to do with those two, Mr. Palmer?”

Jim’s distracted, “Hope to god they don’t end up killing each other or themselves.”

“It is rather like a really twisted Romeo and Juliet.”

The younger man stood up straight with a frown, “I don’t even want to know which one’s Juliet.” Ducky started to laugh and found he couldn’t stop.

~~~~~~~

Gibbs was beginning to hate sitting in his basement; it was Friday and Tony was off at god knows what club with Palmer. He was probably surrounded by women and back to flirting, and that thought sent another sharp stab of pain through his gut and Gibbs took another swig of Jack.

He heard someone moving upstairs, and briefly wondered how they’d gotten past the lock. But he hoped it was Tony, maybe it was.

Maybe Tony was willing to give him one last shot; maybe Tony would let Gibbs hold him again. Because that’s what Gibbs missed most, sure he missed the sex and the easy banter but most of all he missed the way Tony had leaned against him and pushed into his hands. Maybe they could go back, because that’s what Gibbs wanted more than anything. He didn’t have the right to feel this bad; he’d hurt Tony not the other way around.

Gibbs knew it wasn’t Tony before whoever it was got halfway down the stairs, and he felt what little hope he’d mustered drain. Leaving him sad, half-drunk, and feeling pathetic again; he looked up to see Ducky gazing at him sadly. “What is it Duck? I already know I’m a bastard, I know I deserve to rot, and I know I’m a utter screw up.”

The older man gazed at him sadly, “Oh Jethro, you do have the capacity to screw things up don’t you?”

Gibbs growled a bit and took another swig of Jack, “Yeah.”

“I think you’ve had quite enough of that my friend.” Ducky sounded vaguely disapproving as he took the bottle of Jack from Gibbs’ lax grip and put the top on it firmly. “Also it’s time to get you up those stairs. Before we can’t get you up them yes? I’m not as young as I once was.”

Gibbs blinked down at his friend, as he was half dragged up the stairs to his living room. Gibbs felt a pang as he settled onto his couch and realized again Tony’s pillow was gone. He shook his head slightly, trying to get a better grip on what was happening. “Why’re you here Duck? Thought you were angry at me.”

“Yes well, a very good friend of yours reminded me he wasn’t the only one who needed to talk. And it looks like he was more than correct since you seem to be attempting to pickle your liver. Again.” Ducky sighed and lowered himself into an arm chair while sending Gibbs a disapproving look. “Alright, what’s got you turning to Jack tonight then?”

“Tony’s moving on.” Gibbs hated those words, he hated knowing he’d lost but most of all he hated that he’d never get to make it up to Tony.

Ducky made an understanding noise, “I see. Well…” the other man sighed softly before continueing, “Well there isn’t much you can do you know. Just…let him be I suppose.”

Gibbs felt pathetic as he shook his head, “I-I miss him Ducky. I really miss him.”

“Oh Jethro…” Ducky sighed and didn’t continue. Sometimes there wasn’t really anything you could say.

~~~~~~~

Tony had forgotten just how fucking loud clubs were. Hannah and her friend were late so he was sitting with Jimmy, who was literally bouncing with excitement, at a small table waiting for the women to arrive. Tony hated that he wasn’t enjoying this as much as he once would have, a year ago he would already have been on the dance floor, flirting, and happy. But here he was sitting with Jimmy, pointedly ignoring the women sending him their best “come hither” gazes, and wishing he’d opted to stay home. He didn’t want some stupid casual bimbo for the evening, but that’s all that was really on offer.

“Hannah!” Jim sounded excited as he bound over to her, and Tony smiled despite himself. Jimmy was too endearing, and Tony could tell from Hannah’s excited grin that she felt the same.

“Tony! It’s so nice to see you again!” Hannah sent him a warm smile and Tony responded in kind, he liked Hannah. And at one point he probably would have been panting after her faster than a dog to a bone, but these days he didn’t feel like going after much. “This is Jennifer.”

“Jenny.”

The semi-sharp voice that corrected her caused Tony to notice the second woman for the first time. And he froze; she was tall and her arms were crossed and her stance practically screamed that she was uncomfortable. But what really struck him was the steel in her eyes and her vivd red hair, he nearly groaned aloud; Jimmy laughed.

Jenny’s eyes narrowed at the shorter man, “Is my name funny?”

Jimmy shook his head with a rueful grin, “Naw, we just knew someone named Jenny with red hair.”

Tony sighed, “We didn’t get along.”

The woman blinked, taken aback a bit before shrugging, “Oh well. That’s alright then I guess.”

The other two had finally taken themselves off to the dancefloor about half an hour later when Jenny turned to him, “I’m not sleeping with you.”

Tony blinked, “Um, yeah I don’t want you to?”

“Good.” She nodded firmly, “Just wanted to get that one out the way.” Tony blinked and shrugged, and Jenny narrowed her eyes at him. “So this Jenny you don’t get along with…”

Tony shook his head with a smile, “Didn’t. She died. That’s why Jimmy laughed, you could be her daughter easy.”

Jenny blinked, “Thank you?”

Tony shrugged slightly, “We might not have gotten along, but Jenny was one hell of a woman. It’s definitely a compliment.”

She smiled, “Than thank you. So why aren’t you dancing? Plenty of women here would sleep with you if you asked.”

“Because I don’t want them to sleep with me.” Tony raised an eyebrow at her.

She laughed, “So you’re gay or someone just broke your heart.”

Tony wrinkled his nose at her but nodded, “I’m bi, and yeah.”

“Oh shit, I’m sorry!” Her face was almost comically shock, “God I’m such a bitch. What happened?” Her hands flew to cover her mouth, “No don’t tell me, you don’t have to. We can talk about something else um like the weather. Yeah the weather’s good.”

“It’s raining.” Her face froze and Tony felt himself laugh, “Naw, it’s really alright. Jimmy says it’s like bleeding off poison every time you talk about it. But yeah he cheated on me.”

Jenny sighed, “God, not you too. What the hell is with cheating these days?”

“You too?” Tony gave an ironic smile and raised his glass in a semi-toast.

She rolled her eyes, “Yeah. It sucks. How’re you dealing with it? I keep thinking there’s got to be like this key to just getting over it you know? But I haven’t found one.”

Tony leaned back a bit and thought, “I’m…not getting over it. Which is worse really I suppose, because he’s just waiting for me and I’m stuck in limbo.”

“He’s waiting for you? The guy that cheated on you or…” she trailed off meaningfully with her eyebrows raised and Tony shook his head.

“Yeah, the same guy. It’s this retardedly complicated story that involves a lawyer, but he still sits there every day looking at me like some sad old dog that wants to be let in and I really want to let him in but I’m too afraid he’s going to bite me and I’m angry because he has bitten me and that wound is getting infected and…” Tony sighed, “Like I said, complicated.”

She gave a small huff of laughter, “It’s a good analogy though. My dog is just as bad, he just ran away. I wasn’t even worth sticking around to fight for.” Her voice was bitter.

Tony blinked, “What do you mean?”

“Last time I saw that bastard the other woman had a ring on her finger and he was so happy I wanted to vomit.” She looked slightly lost and took another swig of her drink, “At least yours gives a damn.”

Tony laughed, “Yeah, yeah he does. I’m still not ready to forgive him yet.”

“You don’t have to forgive him you know.” She looked slightly pensive as she studied him and sipped his drink.

Tony blinked, “But he’s…he’s Gibbs!”

“And this Gibbs is human, and so are you. So you’re allowed to be angry, you’re allowed to not trust him. And you’re allowed to walk away.” She gave him a pointed looked, “And I don’t think you’re ready to forgive him yet. But I think eventually you might be able to.”

Tony sighed, “Why? Why can’t I hate him? He completely screwed me over.”

Jenny looked down at her drink with a sad smile, “Love works like that.” She looked up at him with a frown, “I’ll tell you a secret ok?” Tony raised an eyebrow and waited until she sighed, “If Harold came back…I probably wouldn’t blink twice.” She took a long swallow of her drink and grimaced, “Because as much as I hate that bastard I love him more. And as twisted as this is, I’d give anything to have him apologize and start looking at me again; seriously how twisted is that?”

Tony sighed, “No that sounds familiar.”

“ALthough at the moment the idea of sex makes me want to vomit,” She took another long swig of her beer, “Maybe I should get a vibrator.”

Tony choked and she sent him a shocked look before slapping his back hard a few times, and when he was able Tony began to laugh. “Oh my god. I can’t believe you said that!”

Jenny shrugged, “It’s the truth. No point in beating around the bush, so to speak.” She smirked again as Tony gave another bark of laughter. “Don’t you want a vibrator though? I’d buy one but it’s so awkward, I mean seriously being celibate isn’t very fun.”

Tony sighed and nodded, “Yeah, you think it’s awkward for you. I’m a cop, and a man, and I’d be buying lube and a vibrator.” He raised an eyebrow, “Not my idea of a fun time.”

She laughed, “Yeah that would be awkward.”

Tony didn’t know how it happened but he managed to relax and have fun the rest of the evening, and he even ended up offering Jenny a ride home so that Jimmy and Hannah could stay out longer. The two swapped email addresses and Tony thought that maybe he was getting back into the swing of things after all. Even if she’d never be more than a friend Jenny had shocked him out of his slump, he shook his head with a smile before driving off.

Brick by Brick 3/?

ashbear02 — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 05:17:33 GMT

Title: Brick by Brick 3/?
Fandom: NCIS
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2276
Warnings: major angst, and the word Fuck.
Authors Note: OKAY~! Here you guys go! Let me know what you think please.

Gibbs hated being in the wrong and he hated knowing it even more.

He was sitting in his basement the Sunday night after Palmer had sent him packing drinking Jack Daniels and allowing himself to mull over his recent choices. But he wasn't very happy with himself, or in general.

He hated sitting alone and thinking about someone he'd hurt, even more than sitting alone and thinking about someone who'd hurt him. Because he was so uncompromising with others, he was just as horrible to himself. And as he took a swig of Jack, he knew he deserved to be sitting alone; because this time he'd been the one to screw it up, and he wanted nothing more than to fix it.

But at this point it wasn't about what he wanted. It was about Tony and what he could do to make up for what had happened.

But just what the hell did you do to make up for fucking up that badly?

~~~~~

Gibbs hadn't come back that weekend, and Tony found himself sitting on his balcony wondering why on earth he was so pathetic. It had been far too long since It had happened, and he needed to get over whatever slump he was in and get back out there. If not for emotional reasons than just because he was starting to get bored and he wanted to go out and have fun again. Even if the thought of having sex with anyone was a bit sickening at the moment.

He hadn't expected Gibbs to approach him at the office that Monday, but he was faced with a terribly awkward looking Gibbs asking to talk to him in the actual conference room. And Tony found he couldn’t say no; so he went.

Gibbs was quiet for a long time and Tony had started to twitch slightly by the time Gibbs finally sighed and met his gaze straight on for the first time in weeks, “I fucked up Tony.”

Tony looked away instinctively and blinked, “Its okay boss, I’ll get over it. I mean, I figured you’d eventually move on anyway. Some warning might have been nice, but we weren’t that serious…”

Gibbs shook his head, “No. It was serious, and you deserved better than what I did. Don’t call it anything but what it was. I fucked it up, and I didn’t even get what I was doing until it was done. I’m sorry.”

Tony felt like someone had hit him in the gut, “You…what?”

“I’m sorry Tony.” Hearing the words wasn’t what Tony thought it’d be; he/ didn’t feel better. He didn’t hurt any less, and it didn’t erase what had happened. So he honestly wasn’t sure what to do, but even as he felt himself get angry a part of him saw the pain in Gibbs’ eyes and wanted nothing more than to hold the other man.

Tony felt like a fool, but he kept a careful reign on his temper as he finally responded. “That doesn’t fix shit boss.”

Gibbs looked visibly pained then and Tony wanted to be angry, but he had to fight that urge to touch the other man’s face, “I know Tony. I didn’t expect it to; I just thought…maybe you should still hear it. I…is there any way to fix it? I-I miss you.” Gibbs broke off abruptly

Tony felt that pain in his chest again and wrapped his arms around himself protectively, “I don’t know. I mean…how…how do you fix this? I have no idea if I’d ever be able to…and how do I know you aren’t still sleeping with her? Would you have told me at all? Why…why wasn’t what we were enough?”

He felt Gibbs lay a hand on his shoulder and Tony jerked away without thinking, he didn’t look at Gibbs as he mumbled “Can you please not touch me right now?”

When he finally looked at Gibbs again the older man looked tired, and he was looking at Tony like he was afraid he’d break. Tony shook his head, “I-I need to think about this. I need to talk to Jimmy or-or someone.”

Gibbs cleared his throat, and his voice sounded slightly choked when he spoke, “Is there hope though?”

“There shouldn’t be. But yeah, yeah there is. I-I guess. But…but I’m not going to just roll over again boss.” Tony knew he sounded cold and distant, but he only really felt pathetic.

“Tony…” Gibbs made as if to touch him again but froze visibly remembering and dropped his hand. “Just…let me know what it takes. If I have a chance at all I really…”

“Boss. I know. If…If I make a choice I’ll let you know, honestly.” Tony expected Gibbs to leave, but the older man just stood looking at him for what felt like a very long time. Finally Tony left and numbly found his way to the morgue.

“Anthony my dear boy!” Ducky sounded inordinately pleased to see him and Tony had to fight a wince, “What can I do for you?”

Tony just shook his head at Ducky and looked at Jimmy who glanced up from the body he’d been poking at when Tony walked in. “Can I talk to you? It’s…” Tony cleared his throat, “It’s um…a bit…important.”

Jimmy blinked, “Well yeah I suppose, is it alright if I take an early lunch Doctor Mallard?”

“Oh yes! Go change out of your scrubs my boy then you and Anthony can go get a bite to eat. Maybe bring me back something small as well?” Ducky smiled jovially as Jimmy nodded and made his way to the office, before turning to Tony. “You know you can talk to me at anytime as well, don’t you my boy?”

Tony sighed, “Yeah Duck-man, I know. It’s just a bit awkward when you…well you know.”

“Yes my boy I do,” Ducky sounded sad, “All I can say is that if you do ever need to talk, I’m here.”

Tony smiled, “Yeah, thanks Ducky. I might take you up on that.” Tony grimaced, “Something tells me I’ll need as much advice as I can get in the next few days.”

Ducky’s eyes narrowed slightly, but didn’t comment as Jimmy half jogged back into the room. “Ready! Lets go, I’ve been craving Indian for days and since it’s my turn to pick food I can finally have my lamb curry.”

Tony smirked, “You and eating small fuzzy animals.”

“Sheep stink. Literally. They aren’t cute.”

Tony gave a surprised bark of laughter at his friend’s dry comment and followed Jim out the door with a wave to Ducky, only to come face to face with Abby in the elevator. “Tony! There you are! I’ve been looking all over for you!”

The normal Abby tackle-hug didn’t take Tony by surprise but the quick “Canyoutalk?” made him raise an eyebrow. Tony felt slightly divided, Abby obviously wanted to talk to him but he really needed to talk to Jim about The Gibbs Problem. He’d been avoiding Abby since The Incident because he couldn’t deal with having to explain the entire situation to her, not when she’d probably be upset they hadn’t told her about their ‘relationship’ in the first place.

Jimmy blinked at Abby for a moment before raising an eyebrow at Tony, “You want her to come?”

Tony rubbed a hand over his face, “I dunno. It’s…it’s…”

“It’s about Gibbs.” Abby’s voice was low and slightly sad.

Jimmy nodded firmly as Tony looked at her surprised, “Yeah she’s coming, hope she likes Indian.”

“Naan is yummy!”

Which is how Tony found himself across from Abby and Jimmy, waiting for his Tika Masala, and crunching on poppadoms without really thinking about it. Another one of the things Tony was fond of about Jim was his bluntness, so he only smiled when the other man snagged poppadom and finally looked up halfway through. “So what’s the old bastard done now?”

“JIMMY!” Abby’s shocked gasp just made Jim raise an eyebrow before shrugging.

“If you knew what I knew you’d call him a bastard too.”

“I do know that’s what I wanted to talk to Tony about. Gibbs told me last Friday.” She broke poppadom into small pieces before looking up at Tony, “You could have told me you know. I mean you know I don’t judge.”

Tony was suddenly exhausted, “What’d he tell you exactly?”

She sighed, “That you guys were in a secret relationship and he cheated on you with that whore.”

Tony blinked, “He told you he cheated on me?”

She nodded sullenly, “Yeah, at least I got to clean off my desk. He’s not a very fun target; he doesn’t move.”

Tony blinked at her again, “You threw things at Gibbs?” She nodded silently and he sighed, “This was Friday? Why did he tell you?”

“He wanted to know what he should do. So, he told me. Since apparently Ducky isn’t willing to talk to him about it yet.” She crushed poppadom with a loud crack. “And even if he was super retarded and mean and a bastard, he looked really sad so I couldn’t tell him there was no way in hell you’d forgive him. Sorry.”

“Ah, so that’s why he came by that night.” Jimmy sounded resigned, and Abby looked contrite. “It’s cool, I sent him packing.”

“Oh good. Tony is horrible at making choices when he’s drunk.” Abby sounded slightly relieved, even as Tony gave a small groan and rested his head in his hands.

“He wasn’t quite drunk yet. But almost.”

“I am not a child.” Tony’s voice was quiet but the other two still looked a bit abashed when he looked up, “I can take care of myself. But…but thanks.”

Jimmy snorted, “You’re our friend. Now seriously what’d the bastard do now?”

“He isn’t…” Tony trailed off before sighing and shaking his head, “He uh….he apologized.”

Abby gasped, “Seriously?”

“Yeah, he also asked if there was any way to fix it. And he-he actually called what we were a relationship and he looked sad and…” Tony trailed off, “I don’t know what to do.”

Abby was the only one to smile at the waitress when she brought their food. They were silent for a while as they all eat their food, Jimmy finally sighed. “Honestly, Tony, the only person that can make that choice is you.”

Abby nodded, “And whatever you decide is totally okay. Completely okay. Even if the boss-man gets all weepy about it, it’s your choice.”

Tony sighed and buried his head in his hands again, “I want to forgive him. But…I don’t think I can just forget what happened.”

Abby leaned forward and placed a soft hand on his, “Sleep on it, think about it for a few days. You don’t have to make that choice right this second because you should be sure. Either way.”

Tony nodded, and swallowed thickly before “I will Abby, I’ll be really sure.”

And so he thought for the next 3 days, and Gibbs watched. And when Tony first noticed that he wasn’t sure what to think, but after the first day it was almost nice. It was almost as if Gibbs was desperate, but Gibbs wasn’t ever desperate so Tony was probably just imagining things.

On the third day they were called out to a shooting, and then Johann Fielding waltzed into their lives.

And Tony was suddenly faced with the fact that Gibbs had a past. He’d known that but he hadn’t applied it to their current situation; talking to Johann about a young Gibbs was an eye opening experience. And Tony left knowing he couldn’t keep from forgiving Gibbs; but as he looked at the older man across the bullpen he didn’t know how to tell him, which made being sent to Arizona rather convenient; Ziva was easy to ignore and he allowed himself to think.

Tony didn’t think twice about seeing Johann with Allison Hart, the woman had started cropping up in so many parts of his life that is was just par for the course that she would see out Johann. Gibbs wasn’t too freaked out either, which Tony felt a stab of anxiety about but he pushed it aside. Gibbs wasn’t an idiot, he wouldn’t apologize to Tony while he was still sleeping with Hart.

Still Tony had a bad feeling in his gut the next day, and that evening when he all but forced himself to go to Gibbs house to talk. He sat there for a few moments unsure of what to do, and that’s when he saw Her drive away. Tony saw red.

Before he really understood what was going on he was banging on Gibbs’ door and facing down the man himself. Gibbs looked shocked, and Tony shouldered his way into the living room; he saw his pillow on the couch and grabbed it. He stood there slightly deflated, clutching the pillow he’d never had the guts to come back for; he felt lost now that he was actually in the house again. There were too many memories in this room of too many evenings just being with Gibbs.

“Tony? Why-“

It was as if Gibbs voice lit the furnace of his anger and before Tony knew what he was doing he swung around and poked the other man’s chest, hard. “You have some nerve Gibbs. I came here tonight to-to try and forgive you, only to find you with that-that woman. Yeah. Well, you know what? Fuck you Gibbs.”

And Tony rushed out of the house, still clutching his pillow. He didn’t look back because he wasn’t sure if he would be able to keep going.

Shimmy Down With the...................Hotch?

ashbear02 — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 19:49:49 GMT

Title: Shimmy Down with the.....................Hotch??
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 1978
Warnings: Crack!fic and drunkenness
Summary: Contains Tequila, Dancing, and a very very confused Derek Morgan.
Authors Note: Soooo, yeah. This is what happens when I talk to Colordrone late at night and she finds a clip of Thomas Gibson dancing...things just sort of went from there. I'm fond of it. It has angst potential, though I'm not sure I'll go there. I like it on it's own.

It was Derek Morgans 33^rd birthday, and he glared at himself in the dirty bathroom mirror, wondering just what the fuck he was doing. He'd dragged the entire team out with him in hopes that he'd escape the black cloud that turning 33 had invoked. But he'd failed, and now he'd spent the past ten minutes standing in a filthy bathroom staring at himself, wondering just how this year would go.

Morgan wasn't sure what he was expecting to find when he got back to the table, but Hotch and Reid both missing wasn't it. He felt himself pout before turning to Penelope. “Where're Hotch and Reid?”

She raised her eyebrows. “Well, before I tell you, guess who got the worm?”

Derek groaned. “Please tell me not Reid.”

“Not Reid.” She smirked.

“…not Reid?”

“Nope...” She shook her head. “Hotch.”

Derek relaxed. “Oh thank Go-” The smug look on Penelope's face made him pause as she deftly pointed towards the dance floor. “…what the fuck?”

~~~*~~*~~*~~*~~~

Reid had rules for himself whenever the team dragged him out to bars. The first was to only take two shots, never more than that, because he was well aware of just how badly he held his alcohol. The second was to leave as early as possible, because quite frankly he didn't enjoy the bar scene that much. So when he'd been dragged to what was possibly the loudest bar ever, and forced to sit and watch Hotch get into a drinking competition with JJ of all people, he'd followed those rules implicitly and stayed only as long as it took for Morgan to disappear into the bathroom.

Or at least that had been the plan. Garcia had been in the middle of telling Prentiss something incredibly hilarious, Morgan was in the bathroom, and Will had dragged JJ off somewhere to commiserate her loss. So he had thought it was the perfect time to slip away.

It wasn't.

He'd began making his way awkwardly through the crowd toward the door when a very familiar voice said, “Where ya gooooin'?”

Even through the slight drunken drawl, Spencer would know that smooth voice anywhere, and as arms wrapped around his waist Spencer swallowed almost painfully. “Hey Hotch, I'm just going home now.”

“But it's a party, Spencer, you need to learn to relax. Why aren't you dancing?”

It appeared that as touchy as Hotch was sober he was obviously 10 times worse when drunk, considering how he'd managed to wrap himself around Spencer's frame. He could feel the other mans breath against his neck and Spencer was suddenly painfully aware of the unspoken attraction he'd been fighting since the first time he'd seen his boss. “Uhm, wait what?”

Hotch's laugh was low and made Spencer squirm. “No really Spence, you should dance.”

“Um, Hotch I don't know how to dance.” Spencer finally turned to face his obviously inebriated boss who was now frowning at him.

“Everyone can dance! Everyone. Now dance.” Hotch used his best demanding tone as he stepped back, and frowned at Spencer expectantly. Spencer just blinked at him silently for a few moments, wondering just what the hell Hotch expected him to do. He finally gave a small huff of indignation, before grabbing him and pulling him closer to the dance floor and finally flush with his body. “Like this.”

Spencer felt his eyes widen as he felt Hotch's hands drop to his hips, and he gave a small inarticulate sound as Hotch’s hips gave a very practiced roll against his. “Relax Spencer. That's the point.”

Spencer gave a soft gasp. “But-but people can see us.”

Hotch laughed, and pulled Spencer even closer. “Screw them. I'm not married anymore, and God knows you aren't. So we're allowed to dance all we want.” Spencer gave a supreme effort to not give into that voice, but it really wasn't fair because Hotch slipped a thigh between Spencer's legs while whispering “Relax” and Spencer didn't have much choice.

Hotch made a pleased noise, “Yeah, like that. Just like that.”

Spencer vaguely heard himself whimper as he felt Hotch begin to roll his hips again. But then he was lost to sensation and the music, which was just as potent a sensation as any drug. He came back to himself with a jolt when he felt Hotch's hands squeeze his nonexistent butt while sighing something Spencer didn't comprehend into his ear. “Holy shit Hotch! We...what the...what are we doing?”

He briefly tried to pull away, but Hotch growled and pulled him back. “We're dancing. Now relax please.”

Spencer shook his head vigorously. “No! We shouldn't be doing this.”

Hotch pulled back, and Spencer was shocked to see the hurt look on the older man's face. “You don't want to dance with me?”

“No! I mean yes...I mean...” Spencer shook his head and grabbed Hotch's shoulders to pull him back, hesitantly laying a kiss on the drunk man's cheek. “We can dance Hotch.” His boss made a low contented sound and wrapped his arms back around Spencer's waist. He sighed and let himself go in the music again.

This couldn't end well, but even knowing that didn't prevent Spencer from allowing the older man to press kisses along his neck. He sighed softly from the pleasant feeling, and later he'd blame the few kisses he littered along the other man's face on the small amount of alcohol he'd allowed himself.

But Spencer forced himself to jerk back when the older man caught his lips, only to be faced with the wordlessly hurt look again. He sighed but managed to resist temptation and pressed an almost shy kiss against Hotch's temple instead, at which point he caught sight of a visibly shocked Morgan and a smirking Garcia.

A smirking Garcia with her camera phone trained on both of them.

While Hotch was dancing with him.

While they were dancing.

Even as most of him went almost frantic with panic, a small portion of his mind was wondering how much chocolate he'd have to bring her to save him a copy of whatever photos and/or video she'd taken.

Spencer forced himself to pull away completely and only shook his head at Hotch's vehement protests. “Come on Hotch, let's get you home.”

It seemed even an extremely drunk Hotch was stronger than an almost completely sober Spencer, which was proven when the other man pulled back against him again with no problem and cupped Spencer's now fairly obvious erection with a softly growled, “Don't tell me you don't want it because I know you do.” Which caused Spencer to nearly die right then and there.

Not that Spencer didn't want his hand there, quite the contrary- he'd had wet dreams that were frighteningly similar to his current reality. But Spencer was far too aware of the fact that they were in public with a camera trained on them and probably catching every moment of this.

So Spencer did the only thing he knew for certain would get a drunk Hotch to allow him to take him home; he let his body go lax against his boss' solid form. He noted with a detached sense of shock that he wasn't the only one interested in what was happening, but forced himself not to think about it and allowed his head to loll against Hotch's shoulder and thrust into the hand cupping him.

“I do want it. But we can't do it here.”

Spencer had never seen a drunk man leave a bar so fast in his life, and was vaguely impressed with how steady Hotch was on his feet even when he was drunk.

~~~*~~*~~*~~*~~~

Penelope gave a small mew of protest as she watched Hotch and Reid leave the bar, but quit recording and put her phone back in her purse. Morgan swallowed the lump in his throat before shaking his head vigorously. “Should we go after them? Hotch, um...seemed really out of it. Reid might need help...”

Penelope snorted. “Hunny-buns, I think our Spencer is going to be taking very good care of our fearless leader tonight. And it's about time.”

“About time?” Morgan stared at her incredulously, as she nodded distractedly.

“Yeah, don't worry we all know you were oblivious. That's why you're not in on the pot.”

“There's a pot?” Morgan felt incredibly idiotic as she sent him a soft smile and a pat on the cheek.

“Oh of course, JJ just came into a lot of money. Although I think she cheated but all's fair in love and war I suppose.”

Derek Morgan really needed another drink.

~~~*~~*~~*~~*~~~

Somehow Spencer managed to get Hotch back to his apartment and onto the couch with little drama. Of course there had been a slight fuss about Hotch wanting to go to bed and do things that were definitely not sleeping. Which somehow lead to Spencer being pulled down onto the couch as well as into the older man's lap and having his shirt half ripped off.

Having Hotch's hands on his bare chest had been both a blessing and a curse, for like many things he'd dreamed about for so long it was better in reality, and it meant Spencer had been too lost in the sensation to protest much until one of the skilled hands had moved to his belt.

Which had jerked Spencer back to reality with a undignified squeak of protest. Of course that didn't deter the older man from slipping a callused hand into his pants and latching onto the side of his neck with teeth. It hadn't taken long under this treatment before Spencer was panting and gasping his release.

Hotch let go of his neck before licking what had to be a visible bite mark and wiping his hand off on the remnants of Spencer's shirt. He'd leaned back with a smug smile and Spencer felt almost too boneless to move, but eventually he looked up from where he'd burrowed his face against Hotch's neck and realized through the fog that had taken over his brain that it was only fair he do something in return for Hotch.

Which is how Spencer had ended up on his knees situated firmly between Hotch's thighs and deftly giving his boss a blow job. Something he'd never had the chance to do before, but something he'd always wondered about and something he'd definitely always wanted to do for the older man. The taste hadn't been the most pleasant thing in the world, and Hotch had a horrible habit of bucking his hips, taking Spencer off guard, and causing him to choke slightly. But the hands grasping his hair tightly and the breathless way Hotch was sighing his name over and over and over more than made up for the discomfort.

When Hotch came Spencer leaned back with a smug smile, and watched his boss slowly melt back into his couch half asleep. Then it'd hit him exactly what he'd done and he choked, before looking back up at the now snoring Hotch.

Spencer Reid had just taken advantage of his drunk boss. It went without saying that he was in deep shit, but in that moment he shook his head and forced himself to grab one of his spare blankets and a pillow for the older man. After covering him with the quilt and coaxing the pillow under his head, Spencer allowed himself to watch the other man sleep for a while, softly fingering the obvious hickey he now sported.

He dragged himself to bed not long later and forced himself to sleep, he'd face the shit when it came. For now he was content to dream.

Brick by Brick 2/?

ashbear02 — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 07:17:58 GMT

Title: Brick by Brick 2/?
Fandom: NCIS
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1689
Warnings: major angst
Authors Note: Part two of this little venture. Hope you guys like it. =D Let me know!

Part 1

Jimmy Palmer hadn't ever considered Ducky a sneaky person, he just seemed too genuine and caring to be considered devious. So when the ME pulled Jim aside one day and told him that he should “make an effort to talk to Tony more” because Tony “might need him these days” it had been confusing at first. But as soon as Jim had seen Tony himself, he'd understood what Ducky had been saying.

Tony was a mess, and Tony was also far too proud to tell anyone that he felt responsible for. Which left Jim watching his friend worriedly and knowing he had to do something. Which lead to him pulling Tony aside and asking for advice about a girl.

Which was how Jimmy Palmer ended up spending a few of his evenings a week with Tony from then on, and the mornings after reassuring Ducky. He was fairly surprised to find that he enjoyed spending his time with Tony, it turned out even a slightly drunk Tony was good company. Even if the “advice” on girls was a bit retarded and Jimmy wasn't actually expecting anything to happen with Hannah.

No one had ever accused Jim of being particularly violent; he'd been described as loyal, or intelligent, and even on a few occasions adorable. But the evening that Tony finally was comfortable enough with him, and probably drunk enough, to actually answer truthfully when Jimmy asked his customary “What's wrong Tony?” he had to resist the urge to punch a wall. Not much made Jimmy angry, but watching the normally confident Tony explain in a small voice that Gibbs hadn't ever loved him had been just wrong in so many different ways and a horrible shock.

He'd known there was something between Tony and Gibbs, but he hadn't thought it'd been that serious or that Gibbs would turn out to be such a complete bastard after all. So he'd kept hanging out with Tony in the evenings, and he stopped talking to Ducky about their evenings. It didn't seem fair to Tony, not now that Jim understood the entirety of the situation.

So the Friday Gibbs came knocking on Tony's door, Jim was there. They were halfway through the latest big budget action flick, expecting Thai to be delivered, and Tony was already through his 5^th beer which Jim slightly envied since he was fairly sure he'd need alcohol to get through the rest of the movie.

Hearing the door Jim fairly jumped at the chance to get away for a moment, “Don't worry I'll get it! My treat tonight anyway...” He ignored Tony's “Want me to pause it?” knowing his friend probably wouldn't even if he said yes. Opening the door to see Gibbs standing there, obviously shocked to see him, was at first a shock, and then Jimmy got angry. How dare Gibbs just randomly show up at Tony's door over a month after leaving the poor guy heartbroken? Jimmy frowned and stepped into the hall closing the door behind him softly. “No.”

~~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~~~

Seeing Jimmy Palmer open Tony's door was slightly shocking, in fact it felt rather surreal which was only intensified when the young man stepped into the hall, shut the door, crossed his arms and said “No.”

And it was even more shocking when before Gibbs could even respond Palmer was shaking his head, “Seriously no. Go away.”

Which was about the time Gibbs realized what was going on and frowned, “What? No. I came to talk to Tony not you.”

Palmer sneered at him, which would have made Gibbs blink but that wouldn't help his case at the moment, “Yeah, I figured that. Too bad. Tony isn't going to talk to you. And you should just come back another time.”

“And who said you could decide who Tony can and can't talk to?” Gibbs knew his voice sounded dangerous.

“You did, when you left him like that. Tony's been angsting over this, alone for a while and now you think you can just show up and he'll forgive you and everything will be ok? I bet you even figured he'd be drunk too. Well too bad Gibbs, you can just fuck off. If you're serious about this you'll have to come back another time because I'm not going to let him talk to you tonight. And we're expecting Thai, so please don't hang around and confuse the delivery boy.”

And before the shocked Gibbs could respond Palmer was closing the door in his face and he could hear the lock slide into place. For a moment he considered banging to hell on the door, but he knew that Palmer had a good point. And for all Gibbs couldn't be more serious about trying to make this up to Tony, showing up at his door on a Friday night when Tony was probably drunk wasn't the way to prove that.

Gibbs sighed and trudged away, fully realizing for the first time just how badly he'd fucked things up.

~~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~~~

Tony loved Palmer, in a very platonic “I wanna give you a noogie for going after a girl” kind of way, but they'd never really “hung out” outside of work until after The Kiss. And then suddenly Palmer was showing up at his house 3 times a week and Ducky seemed to calm down about sending him worried looks. Tony wasn't stupid, he picked up on it.

But Palmer, who was rapidly becoming Jimmy in his mind, was good company and Tony was lonely. Jimmy also never actually lectured him about drinking too much, he'd just hand him a diet coke with a pointed look. Tony could take that a lot better than lecturing, and he knew Jimmy was right either way, so he put up with it for Ducky's sake.

It wasn't until after a particularly hard case, and a particularly well aimed snap from Gibbs, that Tony actually told him. After that Ducky started sending him worried glances again, but Jimmy still showed up at his door; which Tony wasn't sure what to do with but he accepted it.

He'd never had a lot of guy friends like Jimmy, at least not ones that knew he was bisexual but the young man didn't seem to care in the least bit. He seemed to understand that Tony wasn't attracted to him at all, which Tony was thankful for.

Weeks spent watching movies and talking about random shit, then watching the animal channel and talking about random shit, meant that Jimmy was fast becoming the closest thing Tony'd had to a best guy friend in a long time.

And one very good thing about Jimmy was he was a horrible liar. So when he came back from the door and gave a falsely casual, “Wrong door. Poor guy barely spoke English, but it was Chinese not Thai.” even though Tony was half drunk he could tell it was a lie.

He gave a half snort, “Psh, yeah right. Seriously man, who was it?”

Jimmy was quiet for a moment before giving a slight jump as the lady's head got shot off screen and sighing, “It was Gibbs.”

“Gibbs?” Tony stared at him uncomprehendingly before practically bolting to his feet, “Gibbs is here?”

“No, but he was.” Jimmy pulled him back down almost gently, “But I sent him away. So he shouldn't be back tonight...”

There was another knock at the door and Tony was on his feet and halfway to the door in half a moment, Jimmy walked up behind him. “Hey boss, I...”

He trailed off seeing the bored looking teen holding their food, before sighing and letting Jim pay for the food. He watched his friend close the door and lock it again before saying, “You sent Gibbs away. You have 30 seconds to explain before I kill you and have Abby make it look like an accident.”

Jimmy gave a soft huff of laughter before practically skipping to the kitchen and digging his curry out of the bag, “You'll understand in the morning, when Sam isn't doing half the talking for you.”

“Hey, I'm not drunk!” Tony felt himself pout, which he logically knew wouldn't help his case but he did anyway.

Jimmy smiled at him almost indulgently, “Naw, but you are buzzed. Eat something Tony. You'll understand tomorrow.”

Tony sighed and nodded, before grabbing his own food and moving back to the couch to finish his movie. It was a while later and they'd just watched the bad guy get blown up by his own bomb when it finally hit Tony. He turned to Jimmy. “You didn't want me to let him sucker me into something.”

Jimmy raised an eyebrow but nodded, “Yeah Tony, when he comes crawling back it's only fair you have a fighting chance. And you definitely don't when you're buzzed.”

Tony sighed, “I might not anyway.”

“Yeah you do, you're smart. You've been hurt. Can you honestly tell me that if I'd let him in tonight and you'd let him talk you around you'd be any better off? Can you tell me that you trust him and be 100% sure about it? Can you really just forgive him that easily?” The disbelief in Jimmy's voice was obvious, and Tony sighed.

“No. No you're right. I just...” Tony swallowed and shook his head, “I really miss...”

Jimmy gave him a pat on the shoulder, “I know. Really. Now what movie are you going to inflict on me next?”

Tony grimaced, “That one was fairly terrible huh? Bah, classics it is then. Ever seen any Hitchcock my friend?” Jimmy laughed and shook his head, Tony stood and slid a new movie into the DVD player before making his way back to the couch. He didn't look at his friend. “Hey Jimbo? Thanks.”

“Any time Tony.” The response was soft, but Tony appreciated it. It was nice to know someone had his back.

Brick by Brick part 1

ashbear02 — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 00:49:58 GMT

Title: Brick by Brick 1/?
Fandom: NCIS
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1751
Warnings: major angst
Authors Note: ok, so about a month ago I wrote Reactions, which was an angsty little number about Tony seeing Gibbs kiss The ELB. I had more than one person ask for a follow up to "fix it". So...I wrote and I erased...and I wrote it again....and ended up erasing what I'd written again, and finally I wrote what I have now. I'm fairly proud of it, there's going to be more and I'll post it soon.

Gibbs should have done things differently, he knew that and regretted it. But the kiss and the following activities had been about pure need; Allison Hart had managed to crawl under his skin in a way that no woman ever had. He wanted to kill her and kiss her at the same time, so when faced with the choice he'd chosen the latter and not looked back. He hadn't realized until he'd woken the next morning to find her gone, leaving him with marks from her nails all down his back, just what he'd done. Gibbs hated cheaters, but somehow he'd become something akin to one and that thought sent a lead weight straight to his gut. And finding that disgusting Chinese food on is porch had sent the lead weight in his gut crashing to his feet, dragging his heart with it.

Tony hadn't mentioned it, and Gibbs had found himself too ashamed to even look at Tony. So he'd gone home that night and installed a lock, only to find Allison at his door 2 hours later with a defiant glare.

Sex with Allison Hart was nothing like sex with Tony. That was just a fact, and not just in the obvious way that Allison was a woman and Tony was a man; they were almost opposites in every way, they were completely different straight down to the way Gibbs felt after. Allison wasn't a strong woman physically, but when they had sex she practically fought with Gibbs; with bites and scratches and taking far more than she gave, and Gibbs found he came away from their encounters feeling accomplished but tired.

Tony may have been physically solid but he'd always been gentle, reverent almost; he'd let Gibbs take him gently and he'd always had this glint of something in his eyes while they'd had sex, something that Gibbs had always ignored. But Gibbs had always come away from those encounters feeling content, and almost comforted, which was something he knew Allison Hart could never give him.

But somehow he found himself allowing her in, and meeting her demanding kisses with his own; he'd woken the next morning alone again and feeling if anything worse. But he'd forced himself to go to work, and when confronted with a still half dead Tony he somehow managed to put up a reasonable recreation of his normal mood, hoping that it would somehow help.

It was obvious from the way that Tony flinched that it didn't help at all, which only made Gibbs feel worse. And he couldn't face Tony, not with that look in his eyes, so he made do with going to Ducky.

He tried not to think about the fact that he'd grown more accustomed to talking his problems out with Tony.

Ducky's response had been almost predictable; Gibbs knew he'd be upset but the sheer amount of anger Ducky had turned on him was surprising. Of course this was Ducky, so that anger hadn't manifested in the way most people would expect, but Gibbs knew his old friend well enough to recognize his hard gaze and the clipped dismissing tones. He'd managed to get the aging doctor so upset that he didn't even want to lecture Gibbs, which was a bad sign. But really that hadn't been why Gibbs had come to talk to him anyway.

“I need you to talk to him Duck, I can't.”

Ducky's almost snappish, “Of course I'm going to talk to him Jethro. The poor boy needs a friendly ear and since you're too much of a.....” The elder man had stopped and composed himself, “You should go Jethro. We'll discuss this once I am able to measure the damage you've wreaked on the poor lad.” So Gibbs had gone.

And when Allison knocked that night he tried not to answer the door, but he did.

So time passed, and it was Monday and Tony was back with that outrageous grin. But Gibbs could see the dark circles under his eyes and there was just something off about the younger man, so he went to see Ducky.

Which had been a mistake, because the elder doctor was in no mood to deal with him. Apparently he'd seen Tony too, and was just as worried. “Yes, of course I talked to him Jethro! And no he didn't want to talk about it, unsurprisingly enough. And no matter how many times he tells me it wasn't serious, it's obvious from the way he's acting that it was very serious and I'll be damned if I'll let him pickle his liver over this...” He sighed before shaking his head, “You should go Jethro. Don't worry. In fact it might be best for you to just not even think about this as long as Ms. Hart is in your bed.”

That night when Allison knocked on his door he didn't want to answer it but he did anyway. And a few weeks passed that way, and slowly Tony stopped coming in stinking of alcohol but he still couldn't meet Gibbs' gaze and Gibbs couldn't stop answering his door.

Then Fornell was there, and they were drinking after their case and talking. And inevitably the discussion got around to sex, and suddenly Gibbs found himself laying the whole thing out there for Tobias. Gibbs rarely talked about how he was feeling, but he'd been bothered by Tony's non-looks and Allison's smirks for almost a month now and he was at a loss as to what to do; and the half bottle of Jack he'd managed to get through didn't hurt.

The other man had just stared at him at first, and then laughed. And didn't stop laughing for a good long while, which Gibbs found more than slightly insulting but he let it go. Tobias had finally calmed down and had just begun saying “Sorry, but you're such a noble son of a bitch that hearing you tell me all that was completely out of left field! But...”

Then there was a knock at the door and Gibbs swore. Loudly. Before finally managing to lever himself up and make his way to the front door.

Tobias grinned, “So to meet this lady?”

He stopped grinning when Allison Hart strode past Gibbs and into the living room with a sneer. “I see it's boys night in.”

Gibbs felt himself heave a sigh, “You could say that. I suppose.”

She wrinkled her nose, “You reek of alcohol. And I don't do threesomes. Not with men that look like that. So I'll see you another night Gibbs.”

Gibbs didn't even react, he just watched her leave and locked the door behind her before tiredly making his way back to the sofa. Where a slightly shell shocked Tobias sat, “Hell Jethro, that isn't even a lady! That's a rattlesnake that you're letting hiss at you, I'd sooner sleep with Diane again then let her in my bed.” He suddenly turned and shot Gibbs an incredulous look “You left DiNozzo, for that?”

Gibbs stared at him for a few seconds before shaking his head, “Tony and I weren't in a relationship we were having sex.”

Tobias leveled a look at Gibbs and Gibbs couldn't meet his eyes, “You aren't built like that. You know it, I know it, hell I bet DiNozzo knows it. You don't half ass things so you can't honestly sit there and tell me that you weren't in a relationship with DiNiozzo, because even if you didn't call it that in so many words you were.”

Gibbs blinked, “Well Shit.”

“Yeah, 'Shit' is about right! You cheated on DiNozzo with that hag.”

And suddenly the lead weight, who'd become a close personal companion in the past few weeks, was suddenly back and Gibbs felt floored. “Oh Shit.”

Tobias hummed agreeably and took another gulp of his Jack, “The question now is are you going to keep answering your door.”

Gibbs didn't answer, but the next night when he was sitting in the basement and heard the almost too predictable knock at the door he didn't move. He was too busy attempting to figure out how he'd approach Tony, or if he even should, and that's when Gibbs decided he needed to talk to Abby.

She wasn't happy. Then again, Gibbs was fairly sure that he deserved her yelling at him and throwing various toys from her desk at him, in fact he was fairly sure he deserved a lot more than that so he just stood there and took it. And when she finally stood there glaring at him, she was breathing heavily but she managed to gasp out “So Gibbs what are you gonna do to fix this.”

It wasn't a question, and Gibbs felt himself sigh, “Can I fix it Abby? I want to. But I dunno if I can.”

Abby tilted her head slightly, “You really want to fix this?” Gibbs nodded, and she shook her head. “It'll be hard bossman, really hard. And you wont like what you have to do.”

“Abby, I'd do anything to fix this.” And Gibbs meant it.

“Then you have to talk to Tony. And be prepared for him to say no, and to keep trying even if he does. Because fixing this kind of break doesn't just happen, you have to work at it.” Her tone was final and as Gibbs' drifted back to his desk in the bullpen he realized it was true.

Watching Tony he realized he had broken something, he hadn't meant to but he had. He wanted to fix it, more than he'd ever wanted to fix those broken marriages and that meant he'd have to work at it.

Tony was different now, Gibbs knew that. He knew it'd be the most difficult thing he'd ever done to ask Tony to forgive him, but he also knew that Tony was only the second person that Gibbs had ever felt this way about. He'd lost Shannon but he would be damned if he let himself lose Tony as well. So as he raised his fist to knock on Tony's door later that evening he mentally rallied himself, he had to be prepared to make it up to him in any way Tony wanted. Even if that meant in the end, letting him go.

But Gibbs really didn't want to think about that.

Bliss

ashbear02 — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 05:47:54 GMT

Title: Bliss
Author: ashbear02
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Pairing: Hotch/Reid
Rating: pg
Series: Definitively
Summary: The meaning of Bliss.
Note: And this, my lovelies, is where it ends. =3 I'll be writing more in this fandom soon, hope to see you all then! And please let me know what you've thought of the series as a whole, constructive criticism is forever welcomes and appreciated.

Bliss

-noun

supreme happiness; utter joy or contentment: wedded bliss.
Theology. the joy of heaven.
heaven; paradise: the road to eternal bliss.
Archaic. a cause of great joy or happiness.

It had been six months, and what had been early Fall was now early Spring; and somehow Penelope had managed to convince the group to go for a picnic at noon instead of to a bar. And Aaron hadn't minded that at all, it meant taking Jack and watching the others try and figure out what about the young boy had somehow overcome The Reid Effect. It meant sitting in the grass in jeans instead of a suit, and watching Morgan somehow convince Rossi to play Frisbee with him JJ and Emily. It meant fending off Jack's requests to be pushed on the swings, but most of all it gave him time to sit in the quiet with Spencer and think.

He honestly didn't know what he'd thought his relationship with Spencer would become but he hadn't expected it to become what it had. Their work life hadn't changed, but their personal lives couldn't be more different. And Aaron was truly happy for the first time in a very long time, and he'd found something he wouldn't trade for the world: he'd found bliss.

~~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~~

Spencer couldn't remember being this happy before; because he was half delirious most of the time just knowing that Aaron wanted him around, knowing that Aaron wanted him to help with Jack, that Aaron wanted him. Sometimes the fact that Aaron hadn't ever actually said “I love you” niggled at Spencer's gut but he didn't think that mattered. After years of nothing Spencer wasn't going to expect anything Aaron wasn't ready to give, and he wasn't going to complain when he was being given so much already.

Jack had proved to be a significant challenge, but hardly an impossible one. The young boy had been almost surprisingly starved for attention, and Spencer was surprised to find the boy was beginning to eagerly listen to anything he said. It was incredibly endearing, and Spencer had somehow managed to learn to communicate with Jack, not just spout random factoids at him. Which he was fairly proud of, but he still was facinated by the way Aaron interacted with Jack. Watching the man who'd become his everything finally give in and run after Jack he briefly wondered if he'd ever be that good with children and how he might have been different if his own father had been that way.

“So how's it going with you two?”

Spencer had all but forgotten Penelope was there, so he was a bit startled at the abrupt question. But he turned to his friend with a smile, “It's amazing. Really, really amazing.” Spencer paused with a frown, “Where's Kevin?”

Penelope smiled almost sadly and shrugged, “We agreed no non-team members today, remember?”

Spencer sent her a slightly incredulous look before glancing at Will and Henry pointedly, and Penelope gave a soft snort “They don't count, they're family. Jack's here too. But non-family non-team doesn't get an invite.”

Spencer blinked at her slightly confused but nodded anyway, “So how are things going with that? You've been incredibly silent on that whole issue.”

Penelope shook her head, “There isn't anything to tell really, Kevin is amazing. I adore him, and he practically worships me; I can't ask for more than that. Derek will eventually find Ms. Right and she isn't me so...” she trailed off with a small sigh, but smiled at Spencer “The important thing is you got your happy ending. I'm happy enough.”

Spencer felt himself sigh, and couldn't help but reach out and pull her into a one armed hug. She was right, life didn't always work out. And Spencer was extremely lucky, and watching Aaron play with Jack on the swings it suddenly struck him just how easily their positions could be reversed. It didn't matter if Aaron never actually said the words “I love you.” Because Aaron made it clear when he made Mexican food, or he sent Spencer a soft glance, and every single time Spencer spent the night in his bed just how he felt. Spencer didn't need to hear the words to know they were true.

So he smiled and allowed himself to lean against Penelope, silently offering her his strength, while watching the man he loved more than anything else in the world smile. Spencer was sure life couldn't get any better, and while he knew there would be storms he was sure now that they'd weather them; because when you're in truly in love not much else matters.

“For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.”

Judy Garland

Affrimation

ashbear02 — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 05:04:51 GMT

Title: Affirmation
Author: ashbear02
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Pairing: Hotch/Reid
Rating: NC-17
Series: Definitively
Summary: An Affirmation of Love.
Note: Yay~! So After this there will be one more part that I'm going to call "Bliss", then Definitively will officially be over. =3 Hope you guys enjoy this!

Affirmation

-noun

the act or an instance of affirming; state of being affirmed.
the assertion that something exists or is true.
something that is affirmed; a statement or proposition that is declared to be true.
confirmation or ratification of the truth or validity of a prior judgment, decision, etc.
Law. a solemn declaration accepted instead of a statement under oath.

Spencer had been drawn from sleep the next morning with a few less then brief kisses, and finally opened his eyes to Hotch leaning over him with a smile that stole his breath. He didn't have a chance to respond to the soft “Morning.” before Hotch stealing his mouth again in another kiss. It had the best way he'd ever been woken up, and even having to rush to get back to his room to get dressed and being hustled from the room and back onto the jet didn't diminish the warmth that had spread through his chest.

Penelope was waiting at his desk, and dragged him off with an excited squeal before he could object. They were safely ensconced in the corner booth of their cafe with coffee and cake, before she finally turned her sly smile on him. “So, tell your mama-bear what happened?”

“H-how do you know anything happened?” Spencer tried to sound innocent but wasn't sure if it worked.

Penelope just looked vaguely insulted, “Are you kidding? Do I really need to go into reasons why I know something had to have happened?” Spencer blinked at her but before he could respond she held up a hand, “No Spencer, I'm to impatient. Just tell me!”

Spencer looked down at where he was playing with his fork and tried to fight the blush that was rising in his cheeks, “I...um....don't think there's anything to tell.....” He swallowed at her low moue of disappointment, “Yet.”

She gave a low, “Yes~!” She turned back to him with a huge grin, “Tell me everything!”

Spencer sighed, “There isn't much to tell really...”

She growled a bit, “Well I'm assuming there hasn't been any hanky panky since you said yet, also it's barely been 24 hours and the boss-man is far too noble to jump straight into the sack. So lets start at the basics, have you kissed?” As Spencer's blush intensified she gave a small squeal, “You have! Okay, How was it then?”

Spencer blinked at her, “I....” He sighed, giving in. He couldn't hold out on her any way, and he did want to talk. “It was amazing. I mean I'm not that experienced anyway, but it was definitely amazing.” After he spent a surprisingly long time talking Spencer noticed the odd look on Penelope's face and paused, “Um...what?”

Penelope's smile grew softer, and he fought the urge to blink, and after a few moments she gave a small sigh, “I”m just so pleased this worked for you Spencer. Really. This is awesome for you. And no one could deserve having someone to love them more. Now come on, we both have paperwork to do. And I'd hate to ruin the honeymoon period by Hotch thinking you're shirking.”

The flash of pain he saw briefly in her eyes didn't sit well, and it almost made him not hear her mention love. But when it hit him he felt a stab of unease, Hotch hadn't ever said anything about love; he'd made the fact that he wanted Spencer more than indisputable but Spencer was well aware of the fact that being attracted to someone didn't automatically mean you were in love.

He attempted to shake off the thought as he slowly worked through the tall stack of paperwork waiting for him on his desk. It took him longer than he thought to get through it all, and he gave a small start when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up and returned Hotch's smile, “Hey! I'm almost done with this...”

He trailed off as Hotch shook his head ruefully, “Come on Spencer, you need to eat.” Spencer fought the smile that threatened to break out as he half ran to catch up with the other man who'd turned to leave.

Spencer wasn't sure what he was expecting, but being hustled into Hotch's car and somehow ending up in the front seat as Hotch picked up Jack. When the boy was settled in the back and Hotch was behind the wheel Spencer gave him a wide eyed slightly paniced look and Hotch only smiled, “Hey Kiddo, you remember Spencer right?”

“Yeah.” Spencer eyed the young boy in the rear view mirror wearily but he seemed completely distracted by the two toy cars he was holding, and Spencer barely caught sight of the wry grin Hotch sent him and had to suppress the urge to stick his tongue out at the older man.

Watching Tv with Jack was an interesting phenomenon, pointing out the flaws of logic in Kim Possible was a force of habit and Spencer had forgotten he was talking to a 5 year old when he turned to meet Jack's assessing gaze and was half floored when the little boy finally shrugged and said “That's not why you watch it. Kim is fun! And Ron is silly. That other stuff doesn't matter.”

The quiet snort caused Spencer to turn and glare at Hotch who was approaching them with their food, but found he could stay mad when Jack finally said, “Why does Kim keep going after Drac'n when he never actually wins anyway?” The Spencer gave the shocked Hotch a smirk before turning back and explaining that even the most bumbling villains had to be apprehended, and besides Shego more than made up for Dracen's ineptitude.

Spencer relaxed after that, and found he enjoyed spending time with the two Hotchners, however odd they might be. And was almost a surprise when Hotch stood and gave Jack a stern look before pronouncing it to be “bedtime.”

He was patently unsure what to do with himself as he watched Hotch come back around 10 minutes later, and felt his hands twitch a bit. But Hotch only shook his head and drew him to his feet and gave him a serious look. “You have two choices here.” Spencer felt himself blink and gave a slow nod as Hotch said, “You can either stay, or you can go.”

Spencer shook his head frantically for a moment, “I'll stay.”

Hotch's smile faded a bit, “You have to be serious though.”

“Hotch, really I want to stay-” Spencer broke off as he felt himself pulled flush with Hotch's body.

“I told you to call me Aaron when we were like this.” Aaron's voice was just above a growl and Spencer nodded slowly with wide eyes. Aaron's voice was softer when he said “What?”

Spencer swallowed, “Y-yes.”

He could almost hear the impatience in Aaron's voice as he said, “Yes what?”

Spencer swallowed again, “Yes Aaron.”

Spencer heard Aaron give a low groan and nodded enthusiastically when the other man gave a low “We should take this to the bedroom.”

Spencer didn't bother to suppress the “God yes.” and eagerly began to follow the other man to his bedroom and promptly tripped over his own feet as soon as they crossed the threshold of Aaron's room.

Aaron's slightly strangled “Spencer!” barely registered in Spencer's mind as the other man caught him neatly, his partner's grin and “If you wanted me to hold you, you could have just said something.” And Spencer would have attempted to say something witty back but he liked the feel of Aaron's arms too much because they were strong and warm and Spencer adored the feeling of being held. He vaguely heard Aaron give a soft huff of laughter before pulling the door closed.

Later Spencer couldn't be sure who lost their shirt first, or who's hands tugged down who's pants, or how they actually got to the bed. The memory was a jumbled mass of sensations, the taste of Aaron's lips, the feel of Aaron's hands on his skin, his own hands running through Aaron's hair. What he would remember most was the awkward pause with Aaron hovering over him and admitting softly that he'd “never actually done this with a man.” The way he'd nudged against Aaron with a smile and reassured him it'd be okay, for the first time really realizing Aaron didn't know everything and that was it was ok because Aaron was human.

The look in Aaron's eyes was incredibly intense as Spencer explained exactly what he wanted Aaron to do, the feeling of Aaron actually probing him with his fingers and his warm breath on Spencer's neck as he clutched the older mans shoulders was intoxicating. The half pain half pleasure of Aaron actually sliding into him was soothed by the way Aaron looked at him and said a rough tone “You're mine now.”

Spencer had always wondered why others were so addicted to sex; his encounters had been few and far between and while they'd been pleasant enough Spencer hadn't ever gotten it. But as he watched Aaron lean over him while unhurriedly thrusting into him with all the other man's considerably intense focus on him, Spencer got it.

And even after Aaron gave a low groan and rolled off Spencer it was only moments before the other man was back and Spencer realized what he had planned with a whimper and welcomed the hand wrapping around him and the soft voice crooning into his ear. It didn't take long under those ministrations for Spencer to feel himself arch and give a soft inarticulate cry.

He wouldn't remember later how he whimpered when Aaron moved away, or how he gave a soft gasp as the lukewarm washcloth ran over his body, and the next morning when he came back to awareness he'd wonder about the soft flannel pajama bottoms he was wearing. But in that moment he was content to burrow as close to Aaron as possible, because in that moment he didn't need anything else.

One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life:
That word is love.

~ Sophocles ~

Unintended Podfic

ashbear02 — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 01:49:00 GMT

Title: Unintended
Author: ashbear02
Reader: ashbear02
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Pairing: Hotch/Reid
Rating: PG
Series: Definitively
Summary: Aaron misunderstands, and reacts.
Text: unintended
Length: 0:13:15
Format: mp3
Audio: Unintended
Note: YAY~! =D Audacity decided it hated me so this took longer than expected.