Bonjour, mon amour

僕と一人

2013-04-11T05:44:12Z

11th April 2013

積まないな〜

自己出去真无味。

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Cycling thoughts

2013-04-11T05:42:07Z

10th April 2013

Why do i rush into success when i can sit back and enjoy the process of success? The very reason i quit school is because i dont want to rush my whole life to death, literally.

Why not sit back and observe your surrounding? Inspirations are everywhere. Be inspired.

I'm afraid of big things.
Big objects.
Big people.
Big sounds.
Big dreams.
Maybe that's why I could never see the sky for long.
I'm afraid of what it holds.
I'm afraid of my future.
It's big and far away, just like the sky.
I want to embrace it.
Face my fear, face my future.
Look for my life in this big big world.
Find my purpose in life.
Real purpose.
Not design purpose.
Or designed purpose.
I know my life will be a lot bigger than it is now.
I dont know, but I just know it.
I'm sure of it.

I just want to send this to my closer friends, not knowing its purpose, but i just feel that you guys can understand where i'm coming from. I don't need extra explanations for it. I'm seeing some of you living your dream and im proud and envious to say that you guys are. I'm still having nightmares of not being able to graduate and I think it will still haunt me for awhile, but I'm glad to say that you my friend are living a wonderful life. Each of you are living your success and I will eventually get there too. I don't know how long I will take to get there, it scares me to even think about it, but when times comes, do tell me alright, friend? :) I'm happy to grow with everyone.

Travelling is good.
It cleases the mind and soul and refreshes my life. I guess I'm just being my spiritual self again.

Friends, stop me when I rush into success again the next time. It's been awhile since I spoke my mind so clearly like this and I must say that I was clearly desperately making up for quitting school by piling up work in my life, and I almost lost my mind by getting 38.6 degrees for 5 days, almost missing my japan trip. I'm lucky to have you guys, for you guys can tell when im pushing myself to my limits.

I'll do my best to live on my own pace from now on, and as friends, please watch me grow :)
Thank you :)

Loves,
Christina
Xoxo

Today I saw myself. A bespectacled, punggol sec uniform, long blouse, skirt so long it could reach the ankles, green prefect tie, tied-up hair, exposed forehead, carrying a bag bigger than herself and shoes bigger than she can fit in. I saw a girl who reminded me of my past. I wanted to reach out my hands to tap her shoulders. I resisted. I wondered if the ten years younger me would want to see the ten years later her in this state. Jobless. Out of school. Freeloader. I couldn't bare to tell her, but I wouldn't bare to leave my eyes off her too. She kept looking back at me as I stared unintentionally.

20 years down the road, how would I be if i happen to see the 22 years old me staring at 12 years old me? It all happens under the same huge blue sky...

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Inspiration

2012-12-02T16:43:30Z

It's been a while since I'm this enthusiastic about my own ideas that I want to make them alive, and people whom I have shared my ideas with are agreeable with it. I like it when I like my own ideas and I work towards it, without anyone interfering with it, because I know it can be quite awesome if I work towards my expectations.

I guess all these inspiration stuffs are getting onto me when freelance work is mundane and I have more time to think about such things.
Hope these collaborative projects will come to life :)

Maturity

2012-11-25T11:10:59Z

It's the one thing I'm always proud of myself and now I'm being described as someone who is two years lagging behind as compared to my peers. No doubt I'm not as street smart as my peers, simply because I never have the trouble to live being poor or having to trouble for my next meal. I'm very much covered for life by my parents. I'm so well pampered, I'm taking it for granted.

Telling my brother-in-law my future plans helps me a little in setting my goals straight and working towards them. Taking freelance job is the first step to stepping out of my comfort zone and I need to sustain that kind of effort. Depression should not be an excuse for me to avoid work or social contacts just because i'm afraid that I might succumb to fear again. I need to stand strong and have my own stand and face the challenges ahead.

Life is not just about things that don't get your way, but it's about living up to your existence. Everyone lives and works hard because this is their life. I have not felt 'alive' simply because I have everything in reach and at hand.

I will start living for myself from now on.
Live for my existence, live for my future, live for my happiness.
I can and should no longer live under the shelter of my parents' hardworks and start moving on with my own life.
Because this is my life, and this is how I need to live with it.
Not getting comfortable with life, to the point that I don't get sociable,
but being out there and reaching out to more people so that I can understand the true meaning of life.

Motivation

2012-11-24T20:12:04Z

A lot of things went through my head today, and I have decided to jot them down.
I need to remind myself constantly that I need to improve my life, and move on with life, from whatever that I've been hanging on to.
My status. My ego. My thoughts, especially. I need to move on from them in order to feel fresh and happy again.
Quitting school wasn't a direct route to happiness, I realised. I was just avoiding the source of my stress.
Now that I'm diagnosed, I've been unknowingly using it as a form of excuse to avoid contacts, gatherings and even work.

Life is full of ups and downs.
I need to start living my life again.
Start talking to people, making friends, going out, having fun, taking pain, getting through challenges that life pours to me, because this illness is not going to take me down. I'm going to handle it upfront.

I need to grow up.
I'm not a kid anymore.
I should not report every single damn thing to my mum all the time and expect disappointing responses.
I need to grow out of this house.
I need to have my own personality.
I need love.
A nurturing one.

No matter how big our dreams are,
health is still the most important thing to us.

Life

2012-11-23T15:45:33Z

This pretty much sums up my day.
Had an argument with mum.
Bad mood.
Started shifting things like
as though I'm moving house.
She went out to relieve stress
and came back.
We talked, and realised
that it was all a misunderstanding.
Damn.

I've been blogging offline using my own notepad in my iphone
but I'm too lazy to update.

Anyways,
I should be back blogging.
Since I missed the days when I typed
really fast and everyone gets impressed by it.
LOLOLOLOL
My fingers are on FIRE~

xD

a beautiful mistake

2012-11-06T17:18:10Z

A friend of mine said this to me when
I felt real down about how shitty my work is,

"You're not doing wrong,
you've just made a beautiful mistake!"

She got me stunned and
that really motivated me to make
more of these
"beautiful mistakes".

It is only through such attempts
that I can grow even more.

xxx
Another friend of mine reminded me,
that I'm good enough for my age.
That I'm wise enough,
considering how young I am.
That I'm talented,
despite being conservative
about myself.

"Do your best,
give it your all,
just like you always do.
But give it,
one step at a time."

She reminded me not to
work 200% hard,
but try to work 100% smart too.

xxx
My lecturer whom I've always respected,
gave me a small yet heartwarming advice.

Let go.
Only by telling yourself to let go
that you will move on from here
and stop giving yourself so much
unnecessary stress.

You must keep telling yourself,
"I need to let it go"
Stop feeling so competitive.

xxx

I'm learning something new everyday.

A new beginning

2012-10-30T04:50:03Z

Two weeks ago, I've been diagnosed with Clinical depressive disorder.
It is nothing new to me, but my chest pain is hindering
my studies and affecting my mood so much
that I have chose to withdraw from school.

Indeed it was a tough decision to make.
But it was the first time I've ever let go of things that
was close to my heart.
I chose to let go of friends in school,
I chose to let go of the degree life I wished for,
I chose to forsake graduating with a degree with my peers,
all for the sake of my mental health.
It was the very first step I needed to take
in order to recover from my depression.

Somatic disorder is not easy.
It's not understanding your body that makes it painful,
it's not knowing that you're stressed and that your
body turns on the red light that says you are.

It was a first big step to a new beginning.
I look forward to build a new lifestyle for myself.
A healthy one.

One, for sure, that I can make a comeback easily
because I'm sure a very hardworking and smart person
to begin with.

Two weeks of turmoil,
it's done for me.
I'm out of that burden,
and now a friend of mine is
seeking for my advice.

I understand what you're going through, girl.
Stay strong and firm, you'll be out of your mental prison in no time.

Really really happy

2012-10-12T17:07:43Z

I'm really happy today.
I'm productive and happy.
I woke up well, did work.
Went to see doctor, doc said im probably down with depression. (figured)
Went to eat the yummy soon lee lor mee at aljunied with parents.
Went to school.
Shared ideas and nonsense with classmates.
Ate and chit chat with friends.
Bought brownies.
Got awesome notebooks.
Let friends try awesomely sour super lemon sweet.
Left school promptly to head to ikea.
Enjoyed IKEA's ambience.
Bought new pet plant, nice aromatic vase, laptop stand, table light and even an awesome chair.
Helped mum to register for membership card.
Talked to customer services guy, desmond... Well :)

Got home feeling awesome.
Fixed my first and only chair.

Okay, time to sleep.

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Bitch please

2012-10-10T09:18:07Z

I'm gonna get my hair awesomely straight and short like this
once I'm done with assessments.
Another reason to strive to work hard!
GO CHRISTINA GO!

asazuki_satoka @ 2012-10-09T06:58:00

2012-10-08T22:55:16Z

Maybe I should sleep for an hour more or talk to myself for the next hour about how to feel better. I don't feel good now and it's not a good photosohops.

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Sleep

2012-10-08T22:47:52Z

I couldn't gauge what kind of sleep I had this morning. I struggled in bed jusr to sleep last night but I was fighting with the air conditionwr to ask it to work better. I can't seem to make it cold and even started perspiring a lot even after setting the temperature to 16 sdgrees full blast.

I'm not drunk, I'm just really tired from not sleeping well and having problems with my muscles as they seemed to be swelling internally, my chest pain has been erupting and hurting my concentration too.

Presentation yesterday went well, but I thought it was only expected, since we're in a rather good class, under the rather good and sharp lecturer. I was in school the whole day and my chest pain strikes back again in the evening when I was having a HTHT with neng, my big beothee.

I'm feeling sleepy still.... I think I didn'r wake up on the right sids of the bed. I supposed to wake up at 4.30am, but because of my struggle in bed.

I'm just going to keep typing until I fewl better. I don't feel righr, somehow or rather doesnt feel that I did sleep at all. Now cuddling ro my polly (who takes over Nike's role in giving me the cuddle).

Call me childish, I wish time can either stop or go back in time. I do not appreciate how time flew and I still woke up feeling shifty.

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help

2012-10-07T12:55:30Z

Procrastination + Productivity =
Productstination

I don't even know if i'm procrastinating right now.
I'm feeling very tired and achy all over the body.
I came back from Cassandra's birthday party,
it was fun to catch up with them,
but now I need to catch up with my work,
and I'm very very tired.

I feel like I'm dying.
I know I shouldn't say all these negative stuffs.
I just needed to rant.
I'm very very very tired.

I need to finish logo,
rehearse my presentation again,
and do scamps tonight.
I can't procrastinate anymore.
I'm very tired, but
I will be even more tired if
I don't achieve any of these tonight.

Jia you Christina.

keep rolling rolling rolling rolling

2012-10-03T17:11:08Z

Having indigestion is not as cute as it seems.
I'm having a tough time handling all that gas
in my stomach, I had to drink two bottles of
spicy chinese medicine in order to
make myself burp and fart more.

Gonna rest for the night (regretfully)
and work on brainstorm on all my scamps tomorrow,
plus redesigning of my presentation slides,
and I'll be ready for friday's submission!
I'm actually excited about brainstorming!
Other than my tummy rolling,
I think I'm on the roll.
Things are going smoothly
for me this week.
(i was really tired the first two days though)

Must recover!
FART AWAY!!!!
Good luck to jaskominko and joyce mew too,
this week is a tough week, but we'll pull through together.
Good night!
(Minami-kun no koibito is cute~
Tanabe Seiichi look and sounds so
young in that show!)

asazuki_satoka @ 2012-09-29T15:53:00

2012-09-29T07:53:07Z

I know I can build a wonderful future,
I just need the motivation to do so.

So many things to do, so little time.

What to do today (in order):
Review DRP and finalise
Presentation Slides
Break
Yellow ribbon ideas
super lemon ideas
aware draft mockup
sleep
(self-reminder: it's alright if you can't finish these tasks by today. It's not the end of the world yet, you can leave it til tomorrow if you have really done your best :D)

More research on two brands
SOI
NAKED big idea and insight
Yellow ribbon execute
Super lemon execute
NAKED execute
(it's alright if you can't finish the four brands, what's important is the two new brand research and SOI)

Tomorrow is to complete whatever
I can't finish today + SOI.

Okay now that's clear for me.

It's easy to move on now.
ONWARD TO DRP! GOGOGO!!!

I'm feeling sick and dizzy now,
I'm feeling scared to go to school
But it's okay. I can do this.
I will rest and will buck up later.
Good stress, no pressure!
Go school to learn, not to stress!

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asazuki_satoka @ 2012-09-29T03:14:00

2012-09-28T19:14:21Z

Just to show how happy I am today.
Slept long hours.
Did a bit of work.
Had good peaceful sweet time
with my family over dinner
and mid-autumn festival car ride.
It's lovely.
:)

YOOCHUN TOTALLY CRACKS ME UP HAHAHAHA!!
Alright good night soon :)
Will work hard tomorrow!

The first step

2012-09-27T12:43:57Z

God knows me so well.
I'm taking a long break now.
I've been working since 12.30pm until 8pm.

Catch me

2012-09-25T03:14:06Z

Enough of exploding,
I realised my mistake.
I shouldn't be this irrational
and emotional with my grades.
It's not even graded, it's just
a formative feedback,
but it is a good wake-up call.
I need to work more smartly,
and work harder.
Thanks mum dad and my friends
for all encouraging me.
Really love it that yall are with me.

GOGOGO!

Btw,
Catch Me If You Wanna~
TVXQ's new mv is out.
Took me the third time to
feel its awesomeness.
(the hand joint dance reminds
me of human centipede though)

Gonna be awesome today.
Researching more on my hypo,
and thinking of ideas,
and down to studio ti refurnish,
and evening steamboat with the rest.
Finally, be back home to think of ideas again.
Awesome possum :)

Destruct

2012-09-23T15:16:17Z

I feel like I have just exploded.
In my mind.
The formative feedback was a shock to me.
I was expecting better grades,
but I just got a pass.
I thought it was highly illogical for
me to just get a pass,
but apparently that is a fact.
Maybe my perception of just pass
is really bad,
that's why I'm overreacting,
but I guess what my lecturer
wrote is true.
That my works are 'superficial',
and they do not meet the criteria.

Sad to say,
I'm still highly affected by it.
It's like getting into the Hiroshima explosion,
and now I'm suffering from post-result depression.

However,
this is clear to me
that I need to do more research.
To beef up my content,
and make my contents more beautiful,
in order to do well.

Just do the best you can,
just do what you can.
Do it Christina.

restless

2012-09-22T05:51:37Z

I've been resting since Thursday,
and honestly speaking,
I felt that I haven't rest enough.
Sad to say,
I have been experiencing chest pains,
and abnormal sudden pains
somewhere else in my body.
I'm pretty happy though,
having to go out with my parents
every Friday,
I try to keep some of my time free
for them because I believe
that they would want someone
to accompany them too.
Even if that means that I
have to act like a pampered baby,
I guess it's alright because
they love to shower me with love.

Anyways, I'm finally
going to start work today.
Gonna deal with more research
and editing of my proposals.
I'm gonna be pretty focused.

I've been watching Hotelier, Hana Kimi Remake
and 37-sai whateverwhatever monogatari
just so as to catch seiichi <3
(Hana Kimi doesn't have him, but
I just happen to stumble across it)

OKAY TIME TO DO WORK!

you heard that. :)

Maybe if I'm bored enough,
I may catch "Answer".

So cute but it's a boring investigation show >.<

DO WORK!!!!

Helmet

2012-09-17T19:38:51Z

Dad: "Eh you buy new helmet again uh?"
Me: "PA! THIS IS NOT A HELMET! IT'S A HAT!"
Dad: "Aiya same lah"

Goodnight.
Mew had a long long day today.
3 hours of sleep and another long day ahead,
GO!!!!!

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Week 7: Monday

2012-09-17T01:06:39Z

It's monday again!!!!!
A start of another awesome week :)

forgetful

2012-09-16T15:52:58Z

Before I forget,
thursday I had HUGE appetite.
After visiting my internship office again to return
my art director some stuff,
(oh how i missed that place T^T)
I went to have korean lunch by myself.
Did some planning for shoot in school
and left with mum to send her customer
off to the airport.
We (or rather I) had some
weird vegetable pasta.
Yucks, I never like any green pepper
in my food, its strong taste always
overwhelms other tastes in the food.

On Friday,
went on FULL SPLURGE with mum,
spent over 300 dollars on FOREVER 21.
Awesome clothes~ <3
So happy to have my parents around~
In the evening, picked up my uncle
and my cousin, to bring them
to the maid agency.
While they were doing the paperwork,
I went to visit my first internship office area.
When I reached there, I was looking for
Chubby and Blacky,
the two girlfriend cats who always stick
by each other outside my office.

I found Blacky, Spotty and another cutie cat there,
but not Chubby.
Looking at Blacky's expression,
I thought they lost Chubby.
I actually teared for awhile before
getting back on my feet and bid them
good bye. As I was about to walk back,
I saw this white cat looking at me from the
other side of the street.
I went closer to greet the unfamiliar cat,
IT WAS CHUBBY!!
I started stroking her head and
her HUGE chubby stomach vigorously,
just to tell her how much I've missed her
and worried for her.

I guess Chubby and Blacky kinda
fell out? They'll probably get
back together during the daytime.
I was so relieved to see Chubby again,
though she wasn't as chubby as before.
Spotty was being quite hospitable,
accompanying me as I walked around.
So much for a kitty which I didn't pay
as much attention as I did for Chubby and Blacky.
Aww~ She even rolled on her stomach
when I was about to leave :)

Saturday!!
Woke up really early and headed off to Changi Airport.
Had a good breakfast and some laughs with the team
before making our way to start the long journey of filming.

To be honest,
it was really enjoyable.
We had a lot of laughter,
a lot of chit chats,
a lot of NGs,
a lot of exposure.
It felt enjoyable doing work
for once.
(not really for once,
but I'm just saying it to
express my sincerity).

Love it :)

Woke up feeling tired.
Napped a little after lunchfest.
Still feeling tired.
Gave up trying to do work.
Went cycling :)
A lot of thoughts cycling in my mind.
Even though I'm tired now,
I'm happy because I actually
took the time to consider
my mental health :)
That I do what I want to do,
and I do what I CAN do :)

HAHA
BITCH PLEASE.

I DO WHAT I WANT.

hyper-active

2012-09-16T14:16:53Z

Ever since the last post,
I have been taking a good break from
my studio work and doing my side project
work with my teammates.
I have taken much more time in
resting and recuperating my health
(both mentally and physically).

It has been a good rest,
even though I'm still feeling restless,
but I'm doing my best to do whatever I can.

My team and I have travelled parts of Singapore
for the filming yesterday,
it was tiring but the result was fruitful.
I can never thank everyone enough
for putting so much effort in it.
Today, I felt restless and so I took a ride
down punggol waterfront and to sengkang.
It was a good trip,
considering how much thoughts have
went through my mind during
the cycle.

Now my eyes are closing,
but I need to do work.

You can do it Christina!
For the team, for yourself!
Enjoy the best out of this! :)
Rest your eyes for awhile before starting!
You'll do good! Because everyone
put in much effort into this :)

good

2012-09-12T08:18:44Z

In-class critique went well in general.
Got a mixture good and not so good comments,
but it felt really productive and condusive yesterday.
Everyone went around reading and commenting on
one another's work,
like professionals.
I like it very much.
Even though we were very tired
at the end of the day,
it was all worth it :)

Slept for 12 hours,
finished watching kimi wa petto,
(SEIICHI IS SO MUCH LOVE BUT :<)
went to cycle for awhile.
And here now I am,
shopping online.
HEEHEE~
Gonna sleep for awhile more,
before continuing my work tonight.
Some refinements and rethinking
to do ya~
but it's all good.

I'm happy that I kept positive all these while,
though there were bouts of chest pains and complaints,
but it's all cool :)