PROJECT PRETTY FACE

first of all to understand all of this you must realize three things. one, that bumblee  and I are the two greatest people in the universe. in fact, here, i’ll gave you a second to bask in our glory—okay—still basking—keep going guys—it’s worth it—can you feel the burn?—okay, anyway, we’re awesome. the second thing  is that dean, ahmnomnom , is awesome as well (though not AS awesome as we are, but--let’s face it--who is?) but also quite gullible and paranoid. three, the three of us in the same crack community was bound to to ugly at one point. this, i believe, was the point.

THE GAME:
drop hints to ahmnomnom that something ominous might happen to her character, dean, in the next CASH post. sit back, relax, and watch as her paranoia builds to truly inspiring heights. stir occasionally with love-tinged cruelty.

THE PLAYERS:
bumblee: CASTIEL
aplethora: ASH
ahmnomnom : DEAN
featuring a brief, but beautiful appearence by:
nbaeker: LUCIFER

THE TIMEFRAME: tuesday-sunday, but the majority was friday and saturday.

THE LOCATIONS: all of the conversation you see takes place on skype, but the events were spread out over spn_treehouse, twitter, and the origin of all events is chatzy.

THE BACKGROUND: bumblee  and i wanted to do a post for CASH. we hadn’t done anything lately but break up dramatically and make up through the power of food metaphors and we needed to demonstrate the ~power of our love~ to all the haters (yeah, you know who you are.) Also, ash needs to get laid like yesterday. So we planned:

CAS: ASH BB I HAVE NO IDEAS. :(
ASH: YEAH, ME EITHER. ;_; I WAS JUST LOOKING THROUGH THE TH MEMORIES. WHATEVA AT LEAST WE'RE MAKING OUT NOW
CAS: YOU COULD POST ABOUT ALL THE PLACES CAS AND ASH HAVE MADE OUT IN TREEHOUSE WHICH WILL THOROUGHLY EMBRASS CAS BUT WHATEVER.
ASH: AHAHAHA

and thus the seed was planted. we had a few bumps to smooth put, like whose stuff we’d make out on or where and if we really wanted to take the chance of making them angry. one thing we immediately agreed on, however, was dean needed to be our first target:

ASH: WE'RE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE OUT ON THE IMPALA.
CAS: OMG LOL. YESSSSS DEFINITELY. 

as you can see our planning was wholly innocent. there were no plans of grandeur, angel mojo'ing people's minds, or any kind of physical strain. it was just good old fashioned treehouse crack, not even close to the lovely prank on ahmnomnom  it had eventually become.

AND SO IT BEGINS:

now fast-forward a couple of days and ash is in trouble in treehouse. ed ran into a little trouble when he criticized an evil!sam's spelling. as punishment, ed was put into a deep sleep and every time he woke up sam would put him right back under. when the rest of the treehouse members finally convinced sam to stop, ed had woken up with significant memory loss. ash saw this as an hilarious opportunity for mischief and told ed that he was god, his name was sally, and the hair on his face was not a beard, but his pet squirrel. as you have undoubtedly presumed, hilarity ensued.

but as all good things must come to an end and ed regained his memories and the first thing he did was go after ash. ash, as heroic and manly as he is, ran away and whined at dean because his angel boyfriend wasn't there to protect him.

DEAN: CASTIEEEEEL~?
CAS: DEAAAANNIEE?
DEAN: ASH SAYS HE NEEDS YOUR HELP BUT HE'S TOO PUSSY TO ASK FOR IT
CAS: TELL ASH TO GROW A PAIR.
DEAN: ASH SAYS 'HE'S A LOVER NOT A FIGHTER'

of course ash got butthurt and whiny and castiel got almighty and smitey (and eventually apologetic) but they were still communicating through dean rather than speaking directly to one another. dean got fed up and invited ash into cas and dean's conversation original conversation. castiel and ash made up, started being adorable and making out all over everything, and all was good.

since our initial conversation was over, i thought it'd be a good time to bring up our CASH plans and maybe pick a time to do them together:

ASH: CAAAAAAAAS, ARE YOU GONNA BE AROUND THIS WEEKEND? LIKE FRIDAY OR SATURDAY?
CAS: YEAHHHHHHHHHHHH. FOR YOU ANYTHING.
ASH: OH YEAAAAH BABY
CAS: MMMHMMM.
ASH: ANYWAY I'LL NEED YOU TO BE AROUND FOR OUR ~POST~
CAS: YESSS! ASH, I WILL BE AROUND FOR THAT OMG YES.
ASH: YAAAAY OKAY GOOD. I HAVENT DONE IT YET BECAUSE IT'S THE WEEK BEFORE FINALS, LOL.
CAS: IT'S ALL GOOD. WOOHOO I'M EXCITED.
ASH: DEAN WILL BE TOO.
ASH: EVIL
CAS: RUBS HANDS TOGETHER EVILY

now you must understand that bumblee  and i were just messing around a yanking ahmnomnom 's chain a little bit. i mean, we couldn't very well indulge the details of our plan right there in front of him. however, ahmnomnom  decided now would be the perfect opportunity to be a whiny little girl:

DEAN: WAIT WHAT'S GOING ON HERE.
CAS: WHISTLES.
ASH: UM NOTHING DEAN. NOTHING AT AT ALL
DEAN: IT BETTER NOT FUCKING INVOLVE ME
ASH: UH, IT...DOESN'T
DEAN: GOOD. IS IT YOUR THIRD DATE?
ASH: YEAH, JUST...BE AROUND THIS WEEKEND.
DEAN: ME?
ASH: NO. WAT
CAS: WAIT?
ASH: DON'T LISTEN TO ME
CAS: WHAT?
DEAN: HUH?
DEAN: ...
CAS: ...
DEAN: WTF ARE YOU GUYS PLANNING.
CAS: DISTRACTION
DEAN: WHAT ARE YOU SRSLY PLOTTING
ASH: WE'RE NOT PLOTTING, PER SE.
DEAN: ...
ASH: DON'T WOOOORY
CAS: WE CAN'T TELL YOU THO. IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER NO ONE GETS TURNED INTO ANYTHING.
ASH: OR EFFECTED BY ANYTHING
DEAN: OH
ASH: EXCEPT MAYBE RAAAAGE~

look! see: we were being completely truthful and this wasn't turning into one big joke to laugh as ahmnomnom  freaks out about our devious plans. however, a few day or so later she still hasn't let go of our CASH plans and has warped them into something scary and possibly hurtful toward dean. i'm not quite sure what dean would think his BFF angel and powerless human boyfriend would do to him that would be that bad, but the paranoia was starting to cross over from "kind of funny" into "if this keep going on i'm going to laugh so hard i'll throw up my insides."



after seeing that dean is STILL GOING ON about our post, bumblee  links me and we take the time to make fun of her behind her back:

CAS: [LINKS TO TREEHAUS IDOL POST] We have scared poor Dean. Evil cackle.
ASH: Muahahaha. Now why would we have been so devious over a treehaus idol post?
CAS: I know. Dean is pretty. He doesn't need to be smart.
CAS:  It'd be funny if it's just like something lame, and Dean would be the only one like ... O_o
ASH: Hahaha "Cash offers Dean a free unicorn ride."
CAS: Hahah right.
ASH: ...I wish we could do that to him. It's too bad the original post is too priceless to pass up.
CAS: Damn it.

as you can see, our lives are hard.

next ahmnomnom  decides to harass me individually, possibly thinking that cornering me without bumblee  around would crack me into spilling our plans. unfortunately, i am much more evil than dean gives me credit for and i take the time to mess with his mind a little more:

DEAN: WHAT ARE YOU PLANNING
ASH: ...NOTHING
DEAN: "OOC: Ash and I both agree that you're pretty Dean." WHAT IS THAT?
ASH: LOLOL
DEAN: I GOT MY EYE ON YOU MOTHERFUCKERS. ARE YOU GONNA TURN ME INTO A GIRL OR SOMETHING JFC. OR LIKE A BEAST...I'M ALREADY A BEAST ;DD
ASH: MY LIPS ARE SEALED
DEAN: I HATE YOU AND CAS.

i run to cas because this is hilarious and we're evil, conniving, and talking to dean while laughing at dean with one another:

ASH: DEAN IS HARRASSING ME ON SKYPE RN ABOUT OUR PLANS. NATURALLY, I HAVE TERRIFIED HIM TO NEW LEVELS.
CAS: : LOL. HANG ON [GOES TO HARASS DEAN HIMSELF]. I feel bad for Dean 'cos it's not even that bad omg.
ASH: THAT'S ONE OF THE REASONS I FIND IT HILARIOUS. THAT AND HE'S BEEN HARRASSING ME.

and now cas is harrassing dean because it's hilarious:

CAS: Muwhahahahahahah
DEAN: .....YOU'RE GONNA DO IT ON SUNDAY?
CAS: Mmm don't know. Ash is a busy man.
DEAN: .....HE SAID SUNDAY
CAS: Okay okay Sunday. Or issss itttt.
DEAN: .......I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL HIT YOU.
CAS: Hey Dean, you know maybe we've just made this all up and we're not planning anything.
DEAN: ...That's what Ash just said too
CAS: omg omg really? [GOES TO SQUEE TO ASH HOW THEY ARE SOULMATES]
DEAN: ... yes.
CAS: Well....
DEAN: So let me restate: BRB BLOCKING YOU TWO
DEAN: you guys are dicks. 4evr.

i disagree, dean. i think we're fantastic and have i mentioned that this is hilarious:

ASH: I THINK YOU JUST NEED TO SETTLE DOWN. YOU'LL BE FINE. SORT OF. ISH. I MEAN I THINK.
DEAN: WHAT. JFC. )))))):<
DEAN: DEAN FLIPS SOME MOTHERFUCKING TABLES
DEAN: WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME?
ASH: I DUNNO. WE COULD JUST BE MESSING WITH YOU, YOU KNOW
DEAN: laskfl;mclaslo;asjgasg
ASH: YOU'RE FREAKING OUT FOR NOTHING - WE COULD JUST OFFER YOU A UNICORN RIDE
DEAN: BRB BLOCKING THE BOTH OF YOU DICKHATS
ASH: NOW NOW CAS DIDN'T DO ANYTHING. THIS IS ME.
DEAN: YOU GUYS ARE SAYING THE SAME THING. JFC.
ASH: WHAT ARE WE SAYING?
DEAN: 'HAY DEAN MAYBE WE'RE JUST FUCKING WITH YOU LOLOLOL!'
ASH: WE'RE SOULMATES. NOT MY FAULT.
DEAN: asfjamcalksd
DEAN: DEAN STARES
ASH: ASH IS STILL NOT TELLING ABOUT OUR MAYBE-MAYBE NOT EVIL PLANS
DEAN: ....ARE YOU ACTUALLY MAKING PLANS
ASH: I DON'T REMEMBER
DEAN: ...OMFG. O. M. G.
ASH: :D

around now bumblee  starts to play the good cop to my bad cop and tries to talk ahmnomnom  down from insanity and applies earth logic to the situation, but dean's paranoia will not be thwarted:

CAS: What if we really aren't planning anything?
DEAN: ... then we're cool....except if you do something really fucked up.
CAS: And if we are? So you're just being irrational right now. You don't even know what it is.
DEAN: ....but you guys keep saying shit that worries me ):
CAS: okay, such as?
DEAN: ...like whenever Ash opens his mouth
CAS: Oh.
DEAN: Yes.
CAS: Yeah, I can't help that.

now we're all involved in the same chat.

CAS: Dean, what if the plan was we are taking you to buy a pony?
DEAN: ...why would you buy me a pony
ASH: I THOUGHT WE DECIDED ON A UNICORN
CAS: Ash, stop telling him the plan. damn it.
ASH: ...i'm sorry. he just does things to me.
DEAN: .......oh...so you're not going to do something that'll piss me off?
CAS: ...no.
ASH: now why would we do that?
CAS: wait. define pissed off.
DEAN: ... because it's you guys. and pissed off as in mad.
ASH: we're perfectly respectable, nice people.
CAS: when have i ever done anything to you dean?
DEAN: ....well, nothing yet. but i'm still ~on guard
CAS: why? i thought we were bff.
DEAN: we are bff.
ASH: bffs have trust, dean. where is the trust?
DEAN: but if i was like, 'CAS I HAVE PLANS FOR YOU AND YOU'RE NOT GONNA LIKE IIIIIT' wouldn't you be a little worried
ASH: no.
DEAN: ...ash shut up.
CAS: Um...i don't know.
DEAN: see?
CAS: does it involve me being tied up?
DEAN: ...maybe. maybe not ~WHO KNOOOOWS~
CAS: ...hm.
DEAN: indeed.
CAS: you'll be fine dean.
DEAN: ...okay. okay fine ):
CAS: we think you are worrying too much. it probably won't even hurt.
DEAN: ...
ASH: that much, at least.
DEAN: i hate you guys. hate. as in dislike.
CAS: hehe.
DEAN: fuuuuuuck yooooooooooooou
CAS: What can me and Ash even do to you? Ash is a dead human, and I don't have any powers.
ASH: logic, dean
DEAN: would you stop it omfg
ASH: like we said, you're lucky you're pretty
DEAN: i am confused you hurt my head
CAS: hahahahaaa.
DEAN: sajfksgmab,saldag
CAS: it's okay dean. you're pretty.
ASH: so pretty
DEAN: ...oh my god. are you gonna rape me
CAS: hahaha. yes.
ASH: yes
DEAN: what.........
DEAN: has left the chat
CAS: hahahahaha.
ASH: AHAHAHHAAAAAA. PUSSY.
CAS: poor dean.
ASH: poor, pretty dean
CAS: i don't know. oh well. okay back to our chat. so dean can't see what our plan is

i took cas's comment as a chance to stir the pot:

ASH: you can't see what's being said in that other chat, can you?
DEAN: ...no i can't .... oh my god. what are you saying
ASH: um. nothing.
DEAN: .........

this is about the part where messing with dean's mind switches from a lovable past time to an olympic event. cas and i assumed dean knew we were kidding about the rape and that his flounce was a joke. honestly, guys, why would castiel and ash rape dean in treehouse canon? take a moment to think about this and try to follow dean's logic.

...

...

can't do it can, you? that would probably be because you're not a paranoid freak.

while all this is going on, lucifer (nbaeker ) must have seen dean's comments on cas's treehouse idol post and, judging by dean's tone, assumed we had a devious plans up our sleeves and wanted to know if they involved his character. i assured him that our plan really wasn't that bad and that we were just messing with dean's mind a little. in the meantime i saw this turn in events as an beautiful opportunity left him his message:

ASH: OMG YOU HAVE LUCI MESSAGING ME TOO
DEAN: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

now this is my favorite part for a number of reasons. one, dean thought he was going to get back up from lucifer and pressure me into telling him. little did he know that he was walking straight into a trap. (*pets*) two, i didn't even ask luci to help me out. he is just insanely awesome and realizes when something has a great chance to bring the lulz. three, this is where i realize that dean took our rape comments seriously. oh. my. god, you just can't make shit like that up

EDIT: LUCIFER IS THE DEVIL AND A BETRAYER. CARRY ON:

DEAN: *** DEAN created a group conversation with LUCI ***
DEAN: LETS TALK ABOUT IT ASH. DON'T YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT IT?
ASH: NO.
DEAN: YOU TOTALLY DO. COME ON.
ASH: NO.
DEAN: DOES IT INVOLVE LUCI?
ASH: IT DOESN'T INVOLVE ANYTHING.
LUCI: LOLOL. EXCEPT YOUR PRETTY FACE, DEAN. I MEAN. UM. SORRY ASH.
DEAN: WHAT. LUCI WTF.
ASH: DUDE SHUT UP.
DEAN: OMFG. YOU TOLD LUCI?!
ASH: ...
DEAN: GODDAMNIT
DEAN: DEAN FLIPS TABLES
DEAN: OMFG. YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.
ASH: IF I SAID I AM WOULD YOU BE LESS ANGRY?
DEAN: YES. MAYBE.
ASH: OKAY.
ASH: ASH LIES
ASH: LUCI KNOWS NOTHING
LUCI: THIS IS TRUTH.
LUCI: LUCI WINKS

DEAN: LUCI - IS IT RAPE? BE HONEST.
LUCI: NO, THAT'D BE IF IT WAS ME. I MEAN. WHAT?
DEAN: WHAT.
LUCI: LUCI SURPRISE BUTTSEXES DEAN
LUCI: MUAHAHAHHAHAHA
ASH: AHAHAHA DEAN
DEAN: SIJFkalgjlaksg
LUCI: :D
ASH: AHAHAHA YOU REALLY THINK WE'RE GONNA GET ALL PRISON-SHOWER ON YOUR ASS?
DEAN: UHHHHH YES. YOU KEEP TALKING ABOUT IT.
ASH: WAT. DO NOT. WE JUST AGREE THAT YOU ARE VERY PRETTY. VERY PRETTY.
DEAN: I'M LEAVING NOW
DEAN: *** DEAN has left ***
ASH: ASH CACKLES

you have to hand it to dean: he is the master of flounce. anyway, after this convo castiel and i cease to talk to dean on skype about our plans. he doesn't bring it up and, honestly, we leave it alone because at this point it's kind of like kicking a weak puppy, just too easy. however, because dean is dean and can't let things go, he moves it to twitter:


lol no. ash, yes. castiel? well, i'm sure all of you saw what happened last time castiel got angry.


still paranoid about our post, i see.



now he's just making stuff up to feed his fire of insanity. when is this mysterious rape-talk? we mention it once, as a joke, right before he flounces.

now it's saturday at spn_treehouse  and our always awesome saturday FFA goes down. guess who pops up with more accusations?:
 

DEAN NO ONE IS MENTIONING RAPE BUT YOU. YOU ARE DIGGING YOUR OWN HOLE HERE. CAS AND I AREN'T EVEN DOING ANYTHING ANYMORE THIS IS PRICELESS.

...OKAY MAYBE WE MESSED WITH HIM A LITTLE:

and as the clock ticked down to our sunday post, bumblee  took the opportunity to lay the final nail in the coffin by using his skype status as bait:

 

DEAN: ... WHAT'S TOMORROW
CAS: ...SUNDAY?
DEAN: .....WHY CAN'T YOU WAIT FOR TOMORROW?
DEAN: EYES
CAS: OH. JUST...YOU KNOW.
DEAN: ..... NO, I DONT.
CAS: I LIKE SUNDAYS. IT'S THE LORDS DAY. I'M EXCITED FOR THE LORD.
DEAN: ....YOU HATE GOD
CAS: I DO NOT.
DEAN: YOU DO TOO
CAS: I'M JUST NOT SPEAKING TO GOD.
DEAN: ........I THINK YOU'RE LYING
CAS: PATS DEAN'S HEAD.

AAAAAAAAAAAND now it's sunday: judgement day. ahmnomnom wasn't around to terrorize all day (why u do dis bb?), but did make sure to pop up right before i was going to post and give us this little gem:

DEAN: ....... TODAY IS SUNDAY
ASH: NICE JOB - YOU KNOW YOUR DAYS OF THE WEEK!
DEAN: .......YOU GUYS SAID YOU HAD SOMETHING PLANNED FOR TODAY
ASH: HMM.
DEAN: ...
ASH: WEIRD. DID WE?
DEAN: ...YOU WERE JUST FUCKING WITH ME THE ENTIRE TIME WEREN'T YOU?
ASH: NO.
DEAN: .....YES YOU WERE.
DEAN: OH MY GOD.
DEAN: I AM. laskgflasfams. YOU GUYS SUCK

*pats head* oh sweetie, so close, but not quite. 

in conclusion HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.



in second conclusion, none of this happened on purpose. it started out innocently, but escalated into something spectacular, harvesting more of the lulz (at least for here4castiel and i) than it probably should have. ahmnomnom , I LOVE YOU OKAY? I LOVE YOU AND DON'T EVER CHANGE AND AFTER THIS WE'RE GOING TO SHOWER YOU WITH PRESENTS, LOVE, COOKIES, AND SO MUCH FREE PORN YOUR HEAD'S GONNA SPIN. REMEMBER: WE TEASE BECAUSE WE LOVE.

ETA: i forgot to mention how much bumblee  helped me make this. :( she helped format the skype conversation, made the picture, helped me keep the timeline straight, read through it for me, and did basic hand-holding stuff almost all evening. thanks bb <333 CASH FOREVER OKAY? THAT AND THE ACTUAL POST WE MADE ON TREEHOUSE IS HERE. IT'S PRETTY GOOD AND POSSIBLY DAMAGING EXCEPT NOT BECAUSE CASH IS TOO ADORABLE TOGETHER TO FULLY CRINGE AT IN ITSELF