Why is life so complicated?!

Why can't it be easy? Sever all connections and feelings. Nope, done, ties cut. But feelings linger. First love is strong. I shouldn't have started yalkong to him again. Hearing him say some of this stuff just kills me and makes my heart ache. It makes me want to be with him again but nothing has changed. It's only been 5 weeks. It needs more time. I need more time. But, on the other hand, he's mentioning how he was going to propose this summer and told me what the ring looked like (perfect for me btw) and just the honest, 100% love he has and how he just wants to be my husband and support and love me forever. He said wanting and loving me is the most real thing he's ever felt. It's shitty because I feel that way about him but the biggest thing is the sexual attraction, or lack thereof, for me. I've been battling it for years but it's a huge factor. I don't know if it's him or me or what but I can't have meh sex my whole life. The awful thing is? He thinks I love it because I've been faking it for so long. Oooooops. But anyway, I still want what we had. It's so strong a bond and so easy and familiar and available. I know we needed space but sometimes I wonder if I'm fighting something that is supposed to make me complete. Make my life whole and something that makes all the other shit ok. He literally knows me inside and out. Essentially everything about me. He can read me so well. Knows exactly what I'm thinking or how I feel and he picks up on my moods before I even do. I already look at guys and I'm like, you won't get me. You won't accept all my quirks. You won't get my obsession with nerdy things. Ugh. I thought I was good but then he says shit and fucks me all up again. It kills me.