I have broken my own heart

So. I did it. I broke up with Daniel. Like three hours before my overnight shift at the casino. That was a bad idea, obv. Barely held my shit together. Did end up going into the bathroom to cry once and legit as soon as I did, I got calls on the radio for fills in the poker room. Like wtf. Couldn't have waited a few minutes and given me some time. It was such a long three hours. Then we were at lunch and I read some texts Daniel sent right before work which was awful because I tried reading them before work but almost started crying so I didn't read em then. At lunch though, I read them and of course started crying. Went into the bathroom. Bawled a bit. Went back out and thought I was ok. Started crying in front of a bunch of coworkers. Have I ever said how much I despiiiiiise crying in general and then how mortifying crying in front of people is?!?! Fuck man. Sarge sent me home early. He was really uoset to see me so upset cuz I was like hiccuping and almost hyperventilating. You'd think for me to have broken up with him,  i'd be more ok but i'm fucking devastated. He is my best fucking friend. He knows me inside and out, even better than I know myself. I can literally tell him anything. I feel 100% comfortable with him. But I needed to break up with him. I need to figure myself out. I feel like we were becoming one person and I was losing myself. Amd then I have this degree and wtf am I doing wth it? Nothing! I'm going nowhere in life and I feel the weight of that so heavily lately. I'm 25. I can't keep just barely making it. I have to do something. I hope this wasn't a mistake. But I'm determined to spend some time away from him. I need a break. The last 9 months that I've worked at the casino, we have had limited time together so legit ALL my free time every week for the last 9 months has been with him. I just need space to reconfigure and reset. But I already miss him. Just thinking about shows we used to watch together and now i'm going to have to watch them by myself. That one set me off tonight. I just don't know. I feel like my heart is gone but I feel like something had to change. Apparently I couldn't do a little. Had to go big or go home. Ugh. Am I doing the right thing?