Lately I been obsessed with walnuts.

My Ma always said black walnuts ain’t worth the trouble. Takes an hour to get a handful of meat, and your fingers stay stained for weeks. Look like you been diggin’ in old motor oil. Or dirt. Or somethin’ else.

But I got time now. Since the plant closed. Since Denny left.

That’s what I tell folks. Denny left. They nod. They knew we was livin’ together, knew what we was to each other even if we never said it plain. Small town like this, people know. Some of ‘em thought it was bound to end bad.

They ain’t wrong.

Started with one bucket from the tree out back. The big one near the fence, where the soil got turned up in the summer. And lucky for me, the walnuts come in heavy this year. Real heavy.

I crack ‘em on the porch with Daddy’s old hammer. Same one he used for everythin’. My hands don’t come clean no more. Black under the nails, in the creases. Vinny at the gas station said Lord, Ed, what you been into and I said walnuts and he laughed.

The smell’s particular. Bitter and dark. Gets in your clothes, your hair, your skin. Covers up most anythin’.

Doc says I lost nineteen pounds. Asked if I been eatin’. I said I eat the walnuts. He wrote somethin’ down, told me to eat more vegetables.

Denny’s sister called again last night. Asked why he ain’t returned none of her messages. Asked if I’m sure he didn’t say where he was goin’. I said I told you already, he just left, and she got quiet.

Tree’s droppin’ more every day now. I rake ‘em up before dawn. Can’t stand to see ‘em layin’ there on that patch of ground. Need to keep it covered. Need to keep busy.

There’s a right way to hit the shell. Tap too soft, nothin’. Too hard, you crush what’s inside.

Denny never learned that. Thought he could just say them things, do what he done. Thought there weren’t no consequences to his actions. Well…

All I knows is I got three more buckets to hull before the rain comes. Ground’s already soft back there. Don’t need it softer.

But come spring, that tree’s gonna put out like you ain’t never seen.

Thanks for reading!

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