The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert: Gottman PhD, John, Silver, Nan: 9780553447712: Amazon.com: Books

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From the Publisher

Explore these ...seven principles that guide couples on a path toward a long-lasting relationship.

	Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage	The Man’s Guide to Women	The Relationship Cure	And Baby Makes Three

Customer Reviews	600	2,281	1,703	607
Price	EUR 14.69	EUR 17.11	EUR 8.71	EUR 8.49
	Vital tools—scientifically based and empirically verified—that you can use to regain affection and romance lost through years of ineffective communication.	Unlocks the mystery of how to attract, satisfy, and succeed with a woman for a lifetime. For the first time ever, there is a science-based answer to the age-old question: What do women really want in a man?	A powerful, simple five-step program, based on twenty years of innovative research, for greatly improving all of the relationships in your life—with spouses and lovers, children, siblings, and even your colleagues at work.	Helps new parents positively manage the strain that comes along with their bundle of joy.

Editorial Reviews

Review

“An eminently practical guide to an emotionally intelligent—and long-lasting—marriage.”—Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence

“Gottman stays refreshingly down to earth, rather than on Mars and Venus.”—Bill Marvel and Geoffrey Norman, American Way

“Gottman comes to this endeavor with the best of qualifications: he's got the spirit of a scientist and the soul of a romantic.”—Newsweek

“Twenty-five years of landmark marital research.”—USA Today

“Offers something every relationship can benefit from.”—Seattle Post-Intelligencer

“Astonishing new research!”—Woman’s World

About the Author

JOHN GOTTMAN, a leading research scientist on marriage and family, is emeritus professor of psychology at the University of Washington; executive director of his laboratory, the Relationship Research Institute; and cofounder of the Gottman Institute. He held an NIMH research scientist career award for twenty years. Dr. Gottman is the author of more than two hundred professional journal articles and forty-two books, as well as the recipient of numerous prestigious awards for his extensive contributions to marriage and family research.

NAN SILVER is a former editor in chief of Health magazine and coauthor, with Dr. Gottman, of What Makes Love Last: and Why Marriages Succeed or Fail.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

Chapter 1

Inside the Seattle Love Lab: The Truth about Happy Marriages

It's a surprisingly cloudless Seattle morning as newlyweds Mark and Janice Gordon sit down to breakfast. Outside the apartment's picture window, the waters of Montlake cut a deep-blue swath, while runners jog and geese waddle along the lakeside park. Mark and Janice are enjoying the view as they munch on their French toast and share the Sunday paper. Later Mark will probably switch on the football game while Janice chats over the phone with her mom in St. Louis.

All seems ordinary enough inside this studio apartment—until you notice the three video cameras bolted to the wall, the microphones clipped talk-show style to Mark's and Janice's collars, and the Holter monitors strapped around their chests. Mark and Janice's lovely studio with a view is really not their apartment at all. It's a laboratory at the University of Washington in Seattle, where for sixteen years I have spearheaded the most extensive and innovative research ever into marriage and divorce.

As part of one of these studies, Mark and Janice (as well as forty-nine other randomly selected couples) volunteered to stay overnight in our fabricated apartment, affectionately known as the Love Lab. Their instructions were to act as naturally as possible, despite my team of scientists observing them from behind the one-way kitchen mirror, the cameras recording their every word and facial expression, and the sensors tracking bodily signs of stress or relaxation, such as how quickly their hearts pound. (To preserve basic privacy, the couples were monitored only from nine a.m. to nine p.m. and never while in the bathroom.) The apartment comes equipped with a fold-out sofa, a working kitchen, a phone, TV, VCR, and CD player. Couples were told to bring their groceries, their newspapers, their laptops, needlepoint, hand weights, even their pets—whatever they would need to experience a typical weekend.

My goal has been nothing more ambitious than to uncover the truth about marriage—to finally answer the questions that have puzzled people for so long: Why is marriage so tough at times? Why do some lifelong relationships click, while others just tick away like a time bomb? And how can you prevent a marriage from going bad—or rescue one that already has?

Predicting Divorce with 91 Percent Accuracy

After years of research I can finally answer these questions. In fact, I am now able to predict whether a couple will stay happily together or lose their way. I can make this prediction after listening to the couple interact in our Love Lab for as little as five minutes! My accuracy rate in these predictions averages 91 percent over three separate studies. In other words, in 91 percent of the cases where I have predicted that a couple's marriage would eventually fail or succeed, time has proven me right. These predictions are not based on my intuition or preconceived notions of what marriage "should" be, but on the data I've accumulated over years of study.

At first you might be tempted to shrug off my research results as just another in a long line of newfangled theories. It's certainly easy to be cynical when someone tells you they've figured out what really makes marriages last and can show you how to rescue or divorce-proof your own. Plenty of people consider themselves to be experts on marriage—and are more than happy to give you their opinion of how to form a more perfect union.

But that's the key word—opinion. Before the breakthroughs my research provided, point of view was pretty much all that anyone trying to help couples had to go on. And that includes just about every qualified, talented, and well-trained marriage counselor out there. Usually a responsible therapist's approach to helping couples is based on his or her professional training and experience, intuition, family history, perhaps even religious conviction. But the one thing it's not based on is hard scientific evidence. Because until now there really hasn't been any rigorous scientific data about why some marriages succeed and others flop.

For all of the attention my ability to predict divorce has earned me, the most rewarding findings to come out of my studies are the Seven Principles that will prevent a marriage from breaking up.

Emotionally Intelligent Marriages

What can make a marriage work is surprisingly simple. Happily married couples aren't smarter, richer, or more psychologically astute than others. But in their day-to-day lives, they have hit upon a dynamic that keeps their negative thoughts and feelings about each other (which all couples have) from overwhelming their positive ones. They have what I call an emotionally intelligent marriage.

I can predict whether a couple will divorce after watching and listening to them for just five minutes.

Recently, emotional intelligence has become widely recognized as an important predictor of a child's success later in life. The more in touch with emotions and the better able a child is to understand and get along with others, the sunnier that child's future, whatever his or her academic IQ. The same is true for relationships between spouses. The more emotionally intelligent a couple—the better able they are to understand, honor, and respect each other and their marriage—the more likely that they will indeed live happily ever after. Just as parents can teach their children emotional intelligence, this is also a skill that a couple can be taught. As simple as it sounds, it can keep husband and wife on the positive side of the divorce odds.

Product details

ASIN ‏ : ‎ 0553447718
Publisher ‏ : ‎ Harmony
Publication date ‏ : ‎ May 5, 2015
Edition ‏ : ‎ Updated
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Print length ‏ : ‎ 320 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 9780553447712
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0553447712
Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 2.31 pounds
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.2 x 0.69 x 7.95 inches
Best Sellers Rank: #178 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #1 in Family Conflict Resolution
- #1 in Conflict Management
- #1 in Marriage
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(15,478)

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Nan Silver
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Nan Silver is an author, journalist and editor who specializes in parenting, relationships, psychology and health. With Dr. John Gottman, she is co-author of the newly released What Makes Love Last? as well as the New York Times bestseller, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work and Why Marriages Succeed or Fail. She is also the author of Rules for Parents, a collection of entertaining edicts about modern parenting. Amazon’s review concluded: “Silver maintains a witty, conversational tone that makes for a quick and memorable read. This Mommy could do a mean stand-up routine.” Her magazine credits include stints as editor-in-chief of Health magazine, contributing editor at Parents magazine and a wide assortment of feature articles and columns. She has been a married Mom and a single Mom and has two amazing kids who make her look like a better parent than she is (except when they don’t).
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John Gottman
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World-renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce prediction, Dr. John Gottman has conducted 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples. He is the author of over 200 published academic articles and author or co-author of more than 40 books, including The New York Times bestseller The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Dr. Gottman’s media appearances include Good Morning America, Today, CBS Morning News, and Oprah, as well articles in The New York Times, Redbook, Glamour, Woman’s Day, People, Self, and Psychology Today. Together with his wife Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, he is founder of The Gottman Institute and creator of Gottman Method Couples Therapy, a research-based approach to strengthening relationships.
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Customers find this relationship book insightful and practical, with many noting it's a must-read for anyone in a relationship. The book is based on research and presents information in a scientific manner, offering practical exercises and examples throughout. Customers appreciate its approach to communication, providing resources for building healthy communication patterns, and find it easy to follow as a course. They consider it worth the investment, with one customer noting how it changed their marriage.

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596 customers mention content, 574 positive, 22 negative

Customers find the book fantastic and insightful, praising its excellent information and noting it's a must-read for anyone in a relationship.

Great book but could use a little more exercises like the 7 week long, thought/topic prompts found in the early parts of the book.Read more

Good book. Easy to read. Principles are east to apply if you have two willing participants.Read more

Amazing book. So many great insights for any type of relationship, not just marital.Read more

A must read. The instructions, insightful and practical, will assist any marriage to become healthier, regardless of the starting point....Read more

249 customers mention relationship, 243 positive, 6 negative

Customers find the book highly beneficial for relationships, noting it helps make marriages stronger and provides insight for successful partnerships, with many mentioning it helped spice up their own marriages and complemented their couples counseling.

...Great book, saved my marriage when it was really in the muffin monster zone. MagicRead more

Very insightful & inspiringRead more

This is the best relationship book I have read....Read more

Marriage saver!!!!Read more

213 customers mention usefulness, 211 positive, 2 negative

Customers find the book very helpful, providing lots of practical advice and excellent tools through its exercises and principles, making it useful at any stage of marriage.

Very helpful and practical. Helped me see several things that had previously gone unnoticed and gave practical tips/exercises to work towardRead more

Very helpful, eye opening book. This motivates us to be better everyday. I recommend taking turns reading it out loud together.Read more

The book makes for tedious reading. There are useful and common sense points made but the entire useful content of this book could easily have...Read more

couples using this material in general have found it helpful and presented in a way that all seem to learn....Read more

202 customers mention readability, 190 positive, 12 negative

Customers find the book easy to read and entertaining, with several noting it's better than other relationship books they've read.

Great read!Read more

Good read.Read more

Loved it! I really enjoy this author's works! It's easy to understand and apply to life, but he makes a lot of points I'd never have considered on...Read more

...The writing style flows naturally and it is an easy read, despite being based in so much science and research....Read more

62 customers mention research, 59 positive, 3 negative

Customers appreciate that the book is based on research and presents information in a scientific manner.

Extremely helpful manual. Great data and research, lots of practical wisdom.Read more

Based on research, experience and care for people and couples. Useful for me myself and as a coach for couples here i Norway....Read more

...Very science backed and research based, but simple enough for us to read and understand. Lots of stories and examples to really keep your attention....Read more

...This book has great suggestions, based in science and research and also encourages you to explore marriage with a renewed focus on friendship and...Read more

48 customers mention communication, 47 positive, 1 negative

Customers appreciate the book's approach to communication, praising its resources for building healthy patterns and providing a great overview of marriage dynamics. One customer notes how it improved their interactions with everyone around them.

Definitely opens your eyes to a lot of things, and makes communication a little more bearable and easy.Read more

...use right away to get to know each other better and definitely communicate better.Read more

...you’re not married you can learn so much about yourself & how you interact with others....Read more

...His emphasis on communication, emotional intelligence, and understanding the dynamics of conflict resolution provides a roadmap for couples seeking...Read more

36 customers mention ease of use, 30 positive, 6 negative

Customers find the book easy to follow and understand, describing it as a great course with intuitive information that can be used right away.

...to a lot of things, and makes communication a little more bearable and easy.Read more

I thought this was a really good educational read. Easy to follow, but still enlightening and scientific. It’s inspiring as well.Read more

Simple and true to life examples of the dynamics in marriage. Great worksheets to help a couple reconnect.Read more

...The advice is very simple and easy to put into practice....Read more

33 customers mention value for money, 30 positive, 3 negative

Customers find the book to be worth the investment, noting that it is well worth the read and that putting thought and effort into reading it is worthwhile.

...I recommend it. It is worth it and helpuful.Read more

Must buy, easy read!Read more

Well worth the read! Some good information no matter how long you have been married.Read more

...Well worth your time weather you are dating or married.Read more

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