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Mary E. DeMuth

The Seven Deadly Friendships: How to Heal When Painful Relationships Eat Away at Your Joy Paperback – October 2, 2018

by Mary E. DeMuth (Author)

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Friends for a Season?

There's something wrong with your friendship, but you can't figure out why. Is everything in your head? Unfortunately, toxic friendships happen to everyone, but we seldom identify the underlying issues while we battle confusion or the friendship breaks up.

Maybe you're left bewildered in the friendship's wake, paralyzed to move forward.

After wading through several difficult friendships, Mary DeMuth reveals the seven different types of toxic relationships and empowers you to identify the messiest relationships causing you the greatest anguish.

Face the reality of your broken relationship, and unearth exactly what went wrong.
Discover why you may attract toxic people.
Heal from broken relational patterns so you can choose safer friends.
Evaluate when it's time to press into a friendship or let it go.

You'll gain a new relationship with Jesus as you trust him to be your confidant, healer, and life-giving friend.

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Print length

208 pages
Language

English
Publisher

Harvest House Publishers
Publication date

October 2, 2018
Dimensions

5.5 x 0.42 x 8.5 inches
ISBN-10

0736974865
ISBN-13

978-0736974868

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From the Publisher

Mary DeMuth, Mary de muth, seven deadly friendships, seven deadly friends, painful relationships

Editorial Reviews

Review

"Navigating friendships as women can be difficult and confusing. Mary DeMuth has written an excellent guide—showing us how to avoid 'deadly' traits in others while recognizing less-than life-giving traits in ourselves."
—Joanna Weaver, author of Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World

"In The Seven Deadly Friendships, Mary DeMuth puts words to the friendship grief we have all encountered. She gives us space to work through our unique situations as we feel seen and validated. If you want to be equipped to identify destructive friendship patterns and gain life-giving practices you can implement today, you need this book!"
—Melissa Spoelstra, speaker and author of Elijah

"In 30 years as a mental health practitioner, I've had the privilege of working with patients who have struggled with and suffered through relationships akin to those detailed in The Seven Deadly Friendships. Mary helps us identify those toxic relationships and then points us to seven life-giving practices to help us receive and extend healthy friendships."
—Dr. Michelle Bengtson, board certified clinical neuropsychologist, author of Hope Prevails

"With warmth and candor, Mary DeMuth writes about deadly friendships in a life-giving way. Her 'hard-won wisdom' will enlighten and encourage you to examine your own friendships. Everyone can benefit from this compelling book filled with scriptural truth and memorable stories that ultimately point to Jesus and the path to healing."
—Judy Gordon Morrow, author of The Listening Heart

"Like a traveler who found her way out of a dark valley, Mary DeMuth is a seasoned guide when it comes to navigating the rocky terrain of unhealthy friendships. Each chapter of The Seven Deadly Friendships is bursting with personality traits, character sketches, and personal examples that provide a detailed map of how to get out of the pit of friendship despair."
—Anna LeBaron, author of The Polygamist's Daughter

"Vulnerably sharing her own experience and that of countless others, Mary DeMuth points us toward finding and becoming healthy, whole friends. Learn how you can break free from shallow and toxic relationships, cultivating life-giving, joyful bonds instead."
—Cherie Lowe, author of Your Money, Your Marriage

"The Seven Deadly Friendships is a great addition to any counseling center's resource list. Our center will be recommending it often. Mary DeMuth not only accurately identifies numerous traits of difficult people but also gives practical solutions to those who are struggling."
—Michelle Nietert, M.A., LPC-S, clinical director of Community Counseling Associates

"Mary DeMuth is a gentle, wise and humane guide to navigating those ruptures, healing wounds old and new, and confronting the messed-up patterns that caused us to choose those friendships in the first place. The Seven Deadly Friendships is a bracingly truthful and deeply graceful journey into the past and the present."
—Lorilee Craker, author of 15 books, including Anne of Green Gables, My Daughter and Me

About the Author

Mary DeMuth is a writer and speaker who loves to help people live re-storied lives. Author of more than 40 Christian living books. Mary speaks around the country and the world and is the host of the popular daily podcast Pray Every Day, where she prays for you every day of the year. She is the wife of Patrick and the mom of three adult children, currently living in Texas. MaryDeMuth.com

Product details

Publisher ‏ : ‎ Harvest House Publishers
Publication date ‏ : ‎ October 2, 2018
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Print length ‏ : ‎ 208 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0736974865
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0736974868
Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 9 ounces
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.5 x 0.42 x 8.5 inches
Best Sellers Rank: #1,805,980 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #477 in Friendship (Books)
- #725 in Ethics & Moral Teaching in Christian Theology
- #3,076 in Christian Women's Issues
Customer Reviews:
(183)

About the author

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Mary E. DeMuth

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I am an author and speaker who loves to help readers and audiences live uncaged, freedom-infused lives.

My books include:

Ordinary Mom, Extraordinary God (Harvest House, 2005),

Building the Christian Family You Never Had (WaterBrook, 2006),

Watching the Tree Limbs, Wishing on Dandelions (NavPress, both novels releasing in 2006),

Authentic Parenting in a Postmodern Culture (Harvest House, 2006),

Daisy Chain, A Slow Burn (Zondervan 2009), Life in Defiance (Zondervan 2010),

Thin Places: A Memoir (Zondervan 2010),

150 Quick Questions to Get Your Kids Talking (Harvest House 2011),

You Can Raise Confident and Courageous Kids (Harvest House, 2001)

The Muir House (Zondervan 2011),

Beautiful Battle (Harvest House 2012),

Around the Word in 60 Seconds (Tyndale, 2012),

Everything: What You Give and What You Gain to Become Like Jesus (Thomas Nelson 2012).

The Wall Around Your Heart: How Jesus Heals You When Others Hurt You (Thomas Nelson, 2013) http://www.wallaroundyourheart.com

Not Marked: Finding Hope and Healing after Sexual Abuse (Uncaged Publishing 2014) http://www.notmarked.com

The Day I Met Jesus: by Frank Viola and Mary DeMuth (Baker 2015)

Worth Living: How God's Wild Love for You Makes You Worthy (Baker 2016)

You can find me primarily at http://www.marydemuth.com. My facebook page is http://www.facebook.com/authormarydemuth and you can follow me on twitter at http://www.twitter.com/marydemuth.

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Customer reviews

183 global ratings

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Customers say

Customers find the book extremely insightful, with one mentioning how it helped them face reality. Moreover, the book provides excellent guidance on difficult relationships, with one customer describing it as a map for navigating them. Additionally, the writing style receives positive feedback, with one customer noting how the author connects with readers' emotions.

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21 customers mention content, 20 positive, 1 negative

Customers find the book extremely insightful and incredible, with one customer noting how it helped them face reality.

This book was incredible. I bought it knowing it would add value because of the previous reviews and I am blessed that it did....Read more

A favorite book I did with my kiddos to teach them the difference between what real friends look like and those that are not good relationships....Read more

An excellent book in this winter season of toxic friendship when the writer feels how you feel & introduces you to the Best Friend anyone can ever...Read more

I read this book in one afternoon. Mary writes with wisdom and compassion. Like all of us, I've experienced broken relationships....Read more

8 customers mention friendship insight, 8 positive, 0 negative

Customers appreciate the book's insights into friendships, with one customer noting how it helps understand the seven deadly friendships, while another mentions how it provides excellent guidance on navigating difficult relationships and identifying toxic ones.

...What’s going on and why is it this way? I loved the shared experiences and advice on a way forward. The book left me feeling aware and equipped....Read more

...This author shows us how to identify toxic relationships and offers an invitation into grace to seek forgiveness and walk a healing path....Read more

...Mary gives hope for true, authentic, live-giving friendships and healing from those that weren't. I highly recommend this book....Read more

This is a great book that identifies the traits of friends that many of us has experienced in our lives....Read more

7 customers mention writing style, 7 positive, 0 negative

Customers appreciate the writing style of the book, with reviews noting its wisdom, transparency, and how the author connects with readers' emotions.

I read this book in one afternoon. Mary writes with wisdom and compassion. Like all of us, I've experienced broken relationships....Read more

...Mary helps readers do both with her transparent writing style and focus on ultimately allowing Jesus to become the guide you use to choose earthly...Read more

...Well written and yet easy to remember, when they hear of certain behaviors, they instantly go to the types presented in the book: narcissist,...Read more

...book in this winter season of toxic friendship when the writer feels how you feel & introduces you to the Best Friend anyone can ever have....Read more

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Avi
Powerful Book that Should be Required Reading
Reviewed in the United States on February 17, 2026
Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase

A favorite book I did with my kiddos to teach them the difference between what real friends look like and those that are not good relationships. Well written and yet easy to remember, when they hear of certain behaviors, they instantly go to the types presented in the book: narcissist, predator, conman, tempter, etc. That is the real achievement of a book--its ability to change people's lives and educate. This was most helpful when my daughter experienced two fake friends who turned into gossiping bullies. She could easily see why their absence in her life was a blessing. As you will see from the table of contents, this is unapologetically from the Christian perspective.

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Ralph Chen-Green
You can heal from painful relationships.
Reviewed in the United States on October 7, 2018
Verified Purchase
1- This book has helped me understand seven deadly friendships based on Proverbs 6:16-19. These are Narcissist Nolan; Unreliable Uma; Predator Paige; Conman Connor; Tempter Trevor; Faker Fiona and Dramatic Drake.

2-I have been given ways to recognise when a friendship is deadly, why I could become entrapped, how to work out the type and how to protect myself.

3- I have been challenged to ask whether I have any of these characteristics and how to deal with them.

4- I was shown Joseph’s life of moving into wholeness and then to Jesus who is the complete answer to wholeness. I can learn to escape toxic friendships as I find fulfilment in Jesus, my true friend.

5- Finally Mary shares seven principles of personal REVIVAL: Review your past;
Embrace new healing; Verify your expectations; Invert their behavior; Vocalize your journey; Assess current relationships; and Live life forward.

Ways to enhance this book:
1- I think the second half of the book should be expanded. The negative first part is 70% of the book and the positive second part only 30%. The most important chapters are the last, that tell how Jesus can heal us.

2-There are very long lists of characteristics. I think it would work better is for each deadly friend to have between five and ten key characteristics. This would also shorten the main text and enhance the flow.

Some quotes I enjoyed:
“If I have settled my worth in the embrace of Jesus, I will want to treat myself kindly, which translates into the relationships I pursue.” (p 174)

“Your relational pain is the means for Jesus to do his best work in and through you. It’s not a detriment or a demerit; it’s the means by which Jesus empowers you.” (p 170)

“Spiritual growth is less about being perfect and more about your dependence on God in your stops and starts.” (p 194)

Overall, I think this book is a valuable resource. It is not academic but is drawn from Mary’s raw experience. She invites you and me to take that journey with her into wholeness and to find that friend who is closer than a brother.

Disclaimer:
I received a copy for review from the publisher. These are my own opinions.

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N Johnson
Identify "User Friends" Early On and Grow Wise
Reviewed in the United States on December 4, 2018
Mary opens her book by telling us she’s had some amazing friends over the years and that these outweigh the more difficult relationships she’s had. But the devolving friendships have, at times, preoccupied too much of her thoughts, her emotions, or her life. This book, I imagine, is her way of setting the record straight for herself and others. That is, it’s a roadmap to help us identify “user friendships” earlier on, with their various predicable patterns, so that we won’t end up going all the way down the road with such people, without realizing what we’re being disadvantageously drawn into.

That said, this book isn’t all about the bad news of rotten friends. It’s book-ended with Mary’s signature wit, encouragement and wisdom – things she often excels at. Her last section titled, “The Seven Life-Giving Practices” is gold – a ready guide to refer to whenever trouble spots arise in our friendships. As Mary says, sometimes we mess up too. It’s not just about others and their bad friendship habits.

In The Seven Deadly Friendships Mary gives a map for discerning trouble, early on – instead of waiting til it flattens us. But she also gives us her friendship and shares much constructive wisdom. Reading Mary is like getting to sit down with a wise friend, learn from her mistakes (in friends gravitated towards or chosen) BUT ALSO gain much from her wisdom, grace, and insights.

I found Mary’s book well written, well researched, easy to read—as far as flow, logic, and expression—and well organized. Hanging out with Mary, in any book she’s written, is a lovely treat and time well spent.

Disclosure: I was provided a free copy of this book in exchange for a fair review.

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2 people found this helpful

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Wendy Hamilton
This book earned its 5 star review.
Reviewed in the United States on October 17, 2018
Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
Mary DeMuth has one of the most refined and developed writing gifts I’ve experienced. I have been a fan and reader for more than a decade. When asked if I wanted to be part of the launch team for The Seven Deadly Friendships, I readily agreed. I had no clue what I was getting in to. What for other readers seemed to be a great read, an easy read, and another wonderful book by Mary, was a battlefield for me. The depictions of every deadly friendship triggered me either by the memories of my own story and experiences or reliving the pain felt by friends, family, and others. This book was not an easy read for me. For the first seven chapters I felt almost overwhelmed by the traits and depictions of the deadly friendships and longed every chapter for the “What Does the Bible Say” sections. Part Two of this book is an excellent recovery and redemption from the ugliness that we don’t often want to view of people but must to be effective, strong, and capable in being who God called us to be. Inside Chapters 8 – 10, Mary walks the reader through essential information and strategy to guard our hearts while living in love. Chapter 10 – The Seven Life-Giving Practices was the best chapter for me. This is an ideal read for a Ladies small group but as leader understand that many women will want to give up and stop reading the book with the first trigger or pushback against their pain. Encourage them to keep reading. For anyone triggered by this book a great partner read is Mary Demuth’s book, Not Marked.

Overall, this book worked hard to earn my 5-star review and I am glad I can give that.

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18 people found this helpful

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Amazon Customer
Interesting insights but also very religion based
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on March 16, 2021
Verified Purchase

Some sound insights in this book but very religion based, and some very negative and off putting quotes regarding homosexuality.
I took on board the insights that made sense to me and discarded the rest.

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Hope and help for all friendships -- hurting or whole

Top reviews from the United States

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5.0 out of 5 stars Powerful Book that Should be Required Reading

5.0 out of 5 stars You can heal from painful relationships.

4.0 out of 5 stars Identify "User Friends" Early On and Grow Wise

5.0 out of 5 stars This book earned its 5 star review.

Top reviews from other countries

3.0 out of 5 stars Interesting insights but also very religion based

Powerful Book that Should be Required Reading

You can heal from painful relationships.

Identify "User Friends" Early On and Grow Wise

This book earned its 5 star review.

Interesting insights but also very religion based