For Love of a Theme

Masterpost: SPN_J2_bigbang "Those Fabulous Padalecki Boys" Jared/Rob Benedict, NC-17

amproof — Fri, 11 Jul 2014 01:56:23 GMT

Title: Those Fabulous Padalecki Boys
Author: amproof
Artist: fiercelynormal
Pairing: Jared Padalecki/Rob Benedict
Side Pairings: Jared Padalecki/OMCs, Jared Padalecki/Tahmoh Penikett, Misha Collins/Rachel Miner, Loretta Devine/Alona Tal
Rating: NC-17 for sexytimes
Word Count: 57,000
Beta: sbb23
Warnings: graphic infidelity, some non-graphic violence
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction and is not intended to imply anything about the real lives of these people.
Author Notes: This is my first spn_j2_bigbang. I want to thank the artist fiercelynormal. I really enjoyed our interactions and your art is perfect! Thank you to the mods for your hard work and everything you do to encourage us! Big thanks to my beta sbb23 and hellsbrat for your encouragement.
Summary: Brothers Jared, Jensen, and Misha Padalecki are trying to move on after their father’s death, but it’s difficult. After three years in an open relationship, Jared's boyfriend Rob Benedict wants to go exclusive, but Jared isn't sure he's ready. Jensen is a suspended cop, and Misha, the supposed best-adjusted of the three, is paying strangers to hurt him. When journalist Jared's co-worker, Sterling K. Brown, goes missing, Jared and Jensen team up to find him. Cue brotherly bonding and the discovery that Dad had secrets too… secrets that involve payola and mob boss Mark Pellegrino. It all ties back to Sterling and his knowledge of Misha's guilt-ridden past.

Link to Fic (on AO3)
Link to Art Masterpost

GISHWHES week 2013

amproof — Mon, 19 Aug 2013 00:41:09 GMT

What a week this has been. GISHWHES 2013 (Greatest Scavenger Hunt the World Has Ever Seen) took place from August 11-18. I participated along with a few friends from Connecticut, some teens from CA and a lone wolf from Chicago.

This is Misha Collins' big scavenger hunt. It's affiliated with his charity randomacts.org, but is for profit (proceeds from registration go to the prize and randomacts.) It's more of a "to do" list than a hunt. The items consist of making things, doing nice things for people, and generally consist of tasks that can, if the player chooses, introduce them to new things or break them out of their shell. This is why I decided to let Angela talk me into it. I was at a low point, I have to say, the night I said yes, but once I did I had hope that for one week I would have an adventure. Angela and I had discussed doing this prior to the final hours to sign up, but the clock ticking down and the fear of missing out undoubtedly made us take the leap. (It certainly was not the promise of fish stew and a ride on a sea plane.)

With my registration safely made, I prepared to wait a week for the hunt to begin. In that week, I rescued a young stray cat, it spent a week at the vet, I planned to leave it there so they could adopt it out, then I changed my mind and decided to foster it, then I named it and decided to keep it (pending Puppy's approval when I decide it's safe for them to meet.) (Her name's Dean. She's very sweet.) So that added some stress to gishwhes prep week. Also adding to stress: we had no idea what to prep for.

A few days before the hunt, teams were revealed and we got to work getting to know everyone. We made a facebook group, google account, imgur account, and generally got ready. The CA teens impressed with their verve and organizational skills, the Chicago single was ready to get out and go, and the rest of us waited in a mix of fear and excitement.

The list was announced on Sunday. I wasn't able to do anything until Wednesday. For the interim, I fell into a funk, which I think was because I'd put my expectations too high. I'd wanted the entire week to be different. Instead, I was at home tracking my teammates' progress while I was busy with work and worrying about an unnamed cat. Then Wednesday came and I completed my first task, which was surprising someone with kindness. It was good moment that colored the rest of my day. After work, I did my second task, creating a "real" graphic novel. I grabbed my bff and tried unsuccessfully to enlist help from a few friends for operating the camera (off to a great start there). Fortunately, Brian is much better at convincing his friends to help him, so we did have a camera man. (Not being a good judge of which of my friends will be there when I need them is something that frequently depresses me. Only one of my friends even bothered to call or text me back.) Once we got going, it was a lot of fun, and I was glad to have accomplished something. The comic book turned out great.

On Thursday, I brought the cat home from the vet. The plan was to take her to CT with me for a long weekend. I would be staying with Angela and we'd be doing tasks. Instead, the cat decided to make a run for under the bed and stay there. So, I figured she'd survived on the streets who knows how long. She could handle my bedroom. I put food, water, and litter out and shut her in. Puppy seemed chill, so it was cool.

On Friday good things and bad things happened and we got stuff done. Also, I got lost in CT for about 30 minutes and flashed back to my teen days b/c the terrain is very similar to the section of my hometown I got lost in every time I went to visit Emily.

On Saturday, Ang went to the emergency room for reasons and I was home alone all day. I watched SPN and made a man's face out of dried fruit. And I was super proud of myself because I have no artistic skills. I edited video and submitted our projects to the gishwhes website.

On Sunday, I sat on a camel for a photo. The zoo was so nice. It was actually kids only, but we explained what we needed and they let us do it. The deputy director came out for us. He was really nice. We talked to him about gishwhes and random acts. The ride attendant said that they'd had a lot of people come out for this. LOL

Then that was it. I had to head home to meet Dean officially. I got home to find that she was still alive and that my bed had 3 days worth of poop on it. Once I got it all cleaned up, I caught her. I expected her to scratch, but she was so tame. I think she's just scared. We sat together and I talked to her awhile. She seems okay with me for now. She'll meet Puppy later. Much much later.

So, that's been my GISHWHES week. Did I get what I hoped for out of it? Well, I didn't *not* get it. I pushed myself creatively and socially. I did things for other people that I'm normally too embarrassed to do, I adopted a cat and I sat on a camel. The week had a slow start driven down by high expectations, and once I started, it was up and down for me personally, but overall I have to say I am so impressed with my team, especially the teenagers. I'm on the fence about if I'll do this again, but if I do, I'd love to be on the same team with them again.

End credits. Super special thank you to the following people who were "gishhelpers" this week and did awesome things just because I asked them to.

Bobae and Khoa who made our team shirts!
Carolyn who made her dog wear one of those shirts!
Brian who was in the comic book and
Nelson who Brian convinced to come along and help. He did the camera and coloring!
Ari who helped us with formatting!
Chris who gave math advice!
Angela's mom for driving us around!

Thank you so so so so so much!

Looking for a home to foster/adopt a 6 mo cat in NYC area

amproof — Fri, 09 Aug 2013 02:53:56 GMT

ETA: 8/18. I'm keeping her for now.

A pathetic little creature guilt-tripped me into rescuing it last Tuesday. (It was wet and hungry and it had the big eyes.) It's at my vet's now. I've asked them if they'll keep it to adopt it out, and they are willing to do that, but they said it isn't likely to be adopted because it looks like it's been in a fight. I would like to take it, but then I have to come to my senses and think of Puppy. She's a one-cat gal.

I'm trying to find the owner. I put a post on craigslist and a lost pets website, and I will put flyers up around the area, but I don't know how long that will take or if anyone will show up. I'm guessing I'll need a place for the cat for at least a month. Here is the ad, which has pictures and more information. http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/laf/3989619619.html

If anyone reading can take it, I'll get it spayed first and I'll make sure it's clear of fleas and worms. The vet gave it treatment for both and it tested negative for HIV/leukemia. The vet says she's eating now and as you can see from the pictures she looks healthy. (Healthier than when I found her, anyway!)

Please let me know. If you can take her, I'll call the vet and have him do the spay. I can also bring you food for her. I'm asking on a fostering basis, but if you want to adopt her, assuming the owner doesn't come forward, she's all yours!

Fic: "Whole Damn World's Come Apart... (John Puts It Back...). Remix Based on A Farm In Iowa SGA AU

amproof — Sat, 22 Jun 2013 02:02:30 GMT

I just finished reading sheafrotherdon's (aka Cate according to her lj and which I will use from here on b/c it is shorter and I am lazy) A Farm in Iowa SGA AU epic series. Friends, this is a hug wrapped in chocolate wrapped in a kitten. I describe it to myself as "John inherits a farm. Rodney ensues."

So, it's like this. First off, I want to mention that Cate has a blanket permission for derivative, transformative, remix, etc etc works based on her stuff on her lj profile before I go on. I have never done a derivative work for someone who I don't know. As a (mostly lurking) SGA fanfic reader, I've seen Cate's name and read her work, but we don't know each other. But I couldn't pass up this opportunity, so I really hope if she sees it she'll think it doesn't suck and that it is not too weird to have a stranger dabbling in her 'verse. :)

Okay. So it's like this. Near the end of the 'verse John asks Rodney how many men he's been with before John. This is after they've been together for years. And Rodney says "none". And it's this tragic, heartbreaking scene because Rodney is so fragile in it. He's picturing what would have happened if he hadn't come back to John and everything he has now that he wouldn't have. Things he probably never dreamed of having.

So I got to think about this line here: (When John finally presses inside Rodney's body it's August, humid, and with his lips against the curve of Rodney's spine, John swears the whole damn world's gonna come apart, can't hold together, not after this). Which is in And Then There Was Finn, and it's parenthesed like that, so it's there as an aside, but now that I think about it, knowing what I know now about Rodney, plus the fact that up to that point while it's implied they are having sex, it hasn't really been too detailed and then here's this lone sentence specifically about sex and specifically about John topping, well, I think that sentence is there because it's important for the reader to know, even if John thinks it's important for a different reason.

So I wrote a little fic from Rodney's POV about that moment. I call it "Whole Damn World's Gonna Come Apart (The John Puts it Back Together Remix)"

Here is the fic:

John doesn't say anything about switching, so Rodney figures he's a power bottom, which is great, because hey, he knows what to do with his cock, what with being a guy and all, but he's not real sure his ass is ready to put a welcome sign on the rear entrance. However, Rodney has an innate sense of fairness, plus (okay) John's getting-fucked-orgasm-face makes him kind of jealous and he wants to know what it feels like from the inside to have John stretching him, sliding into him slow and smooth, bending down to kiss his neck and mumble things that aren't quite "I love you."

He starts testing out positions on John to see which ones he might want John to try on him. Missionary is out. John might be able to bend in half, but no way is Rodney trying that his first time. Also out: Anything involving 90 degree angles or legs straight in the air. John doesn't seem to mind the experimentation if the dopey look after he's orgasmed is anything to go by.

Still, Rodney consults a website (encrypted encrypted encrypted on his laptop) before he makes his final decision. For his first time taking a man... John's cock, he'll be on his stomach, legs slightly spread, and ass raised. Supposedly this will help him relax.

"Any objections to topping tonight?" he asks after dinner. (Well, he's done with his spaghetti and is well into his third glass of wine. John chokes on the bite he's in the middle of. Rodney panics and throws a glass of water at him, and John leaps up from the table. By the time everything has calmed down, John is wet and shirtless and has marinara sauce in his chest hair.)

"No, no objections," John says.

Rodney thought he'd be nervous, but he isn't when he lays in bed in the pre-decided position. Then John says, "So, should I just get to it?" with an uptick in his tone that lets Rodney know he's amused, and Rodney realizes he is kind of scared. But he plasters on his "I can't believe I have to put up with imbeciles" face before he rolls over to stare at John.

John, who is naked and balanced on his knees on the mattress at the edge of the bed. John, who is grinning at him like Rodney is the best thing he's ever seen. John, who is stroking his cock and idly scratching his chest hair and just watching him.

And Rodney realizes that he's not scared. Because this is John. This is the guy he came back for. The only person he's ever wanted to come back for. The guy he's going to spend the rest of his life with. If he can't let John in, he's never going to have this kind of sex with anyone.

"No." He doesn't have to force his grin as he reaches up. John comes to him easily and kisses his nose. (Dork.) "We can take our time."

When John finally presses inside his body it's August, humid, and Rodney swears the whole damn world's gonna come apart, but with John's lips against the curve of Rodney's spine, Rodney knows John will put it back together again.

Ta da!! (And of course last paragraph is tribute to the original which inspired this.)

*bites nails*

Seriously, guys, go read the whole verse. You'll feel good after. And during. My heart.

Pimp Post: Kradam Big Bang!!

amproof — Tue, 12 Feb 2013 03:08:46 GMT

FAQ and Rules
Author Sign Ups | Artist Sign Ups
Come and join kradambigbang!

GO GO GOOOOOO.

Bot alert

amproof — Sun, 11 Nov 2012 19:42:19 GMT

There's a bot following me around and posting comments in my communities, and even as a response to old posts I've done on other comms. (How do they do that??) I don't know what's going on, but I've just gone to all my comms and and this journal and set the comment default to friends and members only. If you need to contact me and aren't a friend, you can still PM.

Thanks!

FandomAid: Superstorm Sandy

amproof — Wed, 07 Nov 2012 19:26:53 GMT

The closing date for the current campaign will be:
9am Australian Eastern Standard Time (ie. Sydney) on Friday the 30th of November
5pm American Eastern Standard Time (ie. New York) on Thursday the 29th of November
10pm Coordinated Universal Time (ie. Greenwich Mean Time) on Thursday the 29th of November

My request:

Life on Mars UK fanvid using Adam Lambert's Sleepwalker: $30 supporting Ali Forney Center, a shelter and resource center for homeless and displaced GLBT youth.

I'm also thinking about requesting help to set up a website using Wordpress (or something else easy), which would include site layout and graphics, and a request for a private podfic (doesn't have to stay private, but I don't have author permission and I just want it for me.) But I haven't made those requests officially yet.

Fandom giveaway for Ethan, Who Loved Carter

amproof — Mon, 17 Sep 2012 00:24:49 GMT

ETA: 9/17 5:37pm. The winner is hawk_soaring. Congratulations! Thank you to everyone who threw their hat in the ring!

Ethan, Who Loved Carter comes out at midnight tonight. Drop a comment here with your email for a chance to win an e-book. Also let me know if you have an account at DSP or if you just want the PDF. (Comments are screened.) Winner will be chosen tomorrow at 4PM. (Randomly chosen time that I think will encompass all time zones.)

e-book: hxxp://www.dreamspinnerpress.com/store/product_info.php?products_id=3221

I'm also doing a giveaway on Twitter which ends at midnight tonight, where you enter by RTing that tweet. Feel free to also enter there if you want, but you know I always like to do this for my friends here, especially my fandom friends, and you guys get more time!

For those of you who read it as fanfic and want to know what has changed, it's still the same story, expanded by 20,000 words. Some things that I didn't think were fully explored have been given more time, in particular the final 1/3 of the story. All in all, it's a stronger story than it was. Some of the secondary characters have been made more original or been given slightly bigger roles. "Ethan" and "Carter" continue to be adorable. :D

If you're looking for the fanfic, I pulled it awhile ago (after warning for that from the beginning, so hopefully anyone who wanted it got it). But of course you all know to use kradamsearch to find whatever you need. :) They've been very good about sharing my pulled fics over there, all with my permission. I can't distribute them anymore, but as I've often said, I'm completely fine with others sharing via email, as long as the fic is not re-posted anywhere and every effort is made not to connect this journal with my pro writing identity. I like pretending this is my secret fun happy place. Emphasis on pretending. :)

September is for soccer!

amproof — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 01:59:03 GMT

I sent out the application to be a freelance editor out this morning. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

Over at ryanloveless my focus is on finishing Offside 2. To that end, I've dubbed this month Soccer September and banned myself from doing anything non-soccer related. I'm using writeordie for two hours each day and in the interim watching games, listening to podcasts and reading books and magazines. I posted an excerpt of yesterday's work. I'll try to do that every day, so stop by if you're inclined. I have to have it polished up for submission in early October. It's my own fault for putting it off so long, but nothing kicks me into gear like a deadline.

I did watch Teen Wolf 2.01 though because my Offside beta goseaward used her math skills to work out a reward system wherein if I write so many words, I earn an episode. So, I earned 1! I'm so proud. :D

Have I betaed for you? Please read.

amproof — Fri, 31 Aug 2012 02:30:06 GMT

I'm applying for an editing position at an e-publisher. I have to have recommendations, and they've said I could use people I've betaed fanfic for. I've asked 2 people and received 1 positive response, but I'm afraid I won't hear from the other person b/c she's been MIA awhile.

The problem is, I haven't betaed for awhile, so I don't have a ready list of people to ask, nor do I anticipate they would remember.

So, if anyone I've betaed for in the past is willing to write a paragraph or two about the beta experience with me, and if I helped your story or if you took away something positive from the experience, please let me know. :D

Thanks!

I haz a tumblr and a new book cover!

amproof — Sat, 18 Aug 2012 21:21:12 GMT

Hi friends!

Last week I created a tumblr for my author self with fannish undertones, where I'm posting character secrets and behind the scenes type things, plus doing some reblogs--have to use tumblr for what it's for, right? I'm trying to make my content a little different and keep it interesting. Follow me if you want. :) (There's an RSS feed for those without tumblr.) It's open to submissions from other authors, too.

I debuted the Ethan, Who Loved Carter cover there. It's by the same person who did Kaden's Colors. It's exactly what I wanted. here. Plus, hey, first excerpt and commentary!

Well, that's all the news I have right now. I'm expecting the galley back in a week to review and then we'll have this thing finalized. I'm glad to have a contemporary story coming out after my last two being historical and scifi, respectively. I've missed writing in this time frame.

Have a great weekend!

Book link: hxxp://www.dreamspinnerpress.com/store/product_info.php?products_id=3221

Avengers-Xover Big Bang

amproof — Wed, 15 Aug 2012 02:35:09 GMT

So, I, um, kind of signed for this. Never written in Avengers or the crossover fandom I have planned (keeping it secret now, but my f-list will know), so this should be great!

avengers_xbb

Sign ups for writers and artists close Aug 15, a few hours left (I think midnight PST). There are 1/3 the number of artists vs. writers, so if there are any artists who wish to bang things, please consider it. Some of you bandom peeps may be interested to know someone has an MCR/Killjoys crossover planned. :)

Kradam Big Bang Master Post: Bella Rosa (R)

amproof — Thu, 09 Aug 2012 02:44:31 GMT

Title: Bella Rosa
Author: amproof
Artist: akavertigo
Word count: 29,792
Rating: R
Disclaimer: About real people in fictional situations. Fairy tale happenings come from the classics/someone else's imagination.
Podfic Permission: Granted if you want it. A link after it's finished would be appreciated, though. :)
Warnings some sexy times, reference to body issues, misuse of soup pots, clipboard-wielding Brad. Highlight to read spoiler warning of possible squick: (skip) ADAM HAS BEEN CURSED TO HAVE SNAKE SKIN.

Betas and acknowledgments: Huge thank you to my betas untamedfilly and sbb23 for keeping me motivated and doing a great job whipping this thing into shape. Couldn't have done it without you! Also, shout out to everyone at kradambangers for being tons of fun and chockfull of encouragement and wondrous gifs. And a special thank you to akavertigo for doing the art. I didn't think anyone would claim it and then you stepped in with the enthusiasm of Thor fighting off the legions to snap it up. Much love!
Note: Written for kradambigbang, from a 1st round Harlequin Kradam prompt by moirariordan that originally came from a book synopsis. Summary is adapted from the original. I have not read the book that inspired this, which is itself a m/f Beauty and the Beast adaptation, with food.
Note 2: I fudged Kris and Adam's age difference for fic logic purposes.
Summary: Prince Adam, unseen for a decade, has long been rumored dead, and the otherworldly wails that come from the castle seem like proof to the provincial townspeople. Kris Allen has no time for rumors, busy as he is with his family's restaurant, Bella Rosa. However, when he must sneak onto palace grounds for a precious ingredient, misfortune leads him to a man who won't show his face and broadcasts overwhelming loneliness.

Prince Adam turned his back on his duties and his heart a decade ago, but the unexpected arrival of a man who doesn't judge his appearance--aided a great deal by Lord Brad forcing Kris to be blindfolded at all times--has caused Adam to ease out of his comfort zone. Even a hermitage as large as a castle can become too small. Too long he's hidden in the dark, and now, with this offering of solace and friendship Kris gives him, Adam wonders if he can reveal his true identity at last.

Link to art master post:http://the-kitchen-ink.livejournal.com/35918.html
Read on LJ | Read on AO3

Looking for a book (or maybe a fic)

amproof — Fri, 08 Jun 2012 16:14:34 GMT

I'm looking for a story, but I can't remember if it's original fic or J2 fic. The plot is sooooo J2, but I don't remember!!!

Anyway, maybe one of you guys can help?

AU, maybe werewolves, but definitely an alpha/beta/omega society. Kid turns 18 and goes to the council to get his mate assigned to him. He's the son of someone important on the council. The law has just changed due to population problems (too many alphas) and now betas/omegas are being assigned to more than one mate. Kid is given 2 mates, who happen to be the boys who bullied him in school. Dad quits the council in protest. (I think.) Kid runs home to hide. His new mates come over to visit him and are all shwarmy and lechy. Kid is creeped out. DNW to be mated to/raped by his childhood nemeses. I think the mom was there chaperoning. And that's all I read.

Any ideas? It's the perfect Jensen-whump fic, right?

Here we go.

amproof — Wed, 06 Jun 2012 15:41:29 GMT

I have removed The Alien Inside from AO3, as I said I'd do in my last post. I hope everyone who wanted a copy was able to get it. I can no longer give it out, but as you all know, I'm perfectly fine with people passing it privately amongst themselves. :)

And now, drumroll please! Look what came out at midnight last night!

hxxp://www.dreamspinnerpress.com/store/product_info.php?products_id=2970

Let's do a giveaway on this puppy. Leave a comment for a chance to win a copy. I'll pick a winner Thursday night. :)

ETA: Winner chosen via Random.org. Congrats to laniew1!

Vile Beast update

amproof — Sat, 21 Apr 2012 19:03:26 GMT

I realized I haven't really done an update on The Vile Beast since her hyperthyroid radioiodine treatment in August. A lot of you reached out to help her/us, so I wanted to post a few new pics.

Weight: 7.5 lbs

RIP to her mouse toy, which was a victim to the radiation. I was unable to replace it. Now she has this weird furry sheep mouse thing.

Weight: 12 lbs.

This is her favorite place in the new apt. Since I rarely cook, she's rarely disturbed. LOL Sometimes she is annoying but then I remember how worried I used to be and I go, "awwww!!" as she tromps over me or stands on the computer or sticks her head in my water.

I woke her up for this, so she looks groggy.

:D

Trying to remember a book rec

amproof — Wed, 04 Apr 2012 02:42:37 GMT

A few years ago, one of you sent me a book rec about a guy who had volunteered to live as a personal slave for a year. It was from the POV of the guy who was supposed to train him. It was a self-pubbed book, and you thought I would like it b/c of Stephen. I read the sample but didn't buy it. Now I want to read it!

I can't remember who you are now or find that message.

Speak up if you remember the book. I'd greatly appreciate it!

Thanks!

(Also Kris Allen's new video premieres on VEVO at 3am EST. Yay!!) (I think that's 12am PST.)

Fic: Something Good (Adam/Adam) adult

amproof — Sun, 05 Feb 2012 22:00:07 GMT

Title: Something Good
Author: amproof
Rating: NC-17
Word count: 2846
Fandom: Adam Lambert
Pairing: Adam Lambert x 2
Disclaimer: Not real; not true. Also, impossible.
Warnings: Rough sex, confusing pronouns.
Notes: Written for fyentertainment's Dollar Drive for Adam Lambert's 30th Birthday. For deepinsideofewe, who wanted dark!subbish!Adam/good!Adam inspired by Adam new video for Better Than I Know Myself. For this to make sense I recommend watching.
Summary: Adam drops to his knees and demands to choke. Adam isn't happy about it, but he's never said "no."

"Do it harder. Fucking choke me." Adam shoved Adam's hips away and snarled next to his dick. He dove back onto it, trying to gag himself, but Adam clamped down on his shoulders and forced him to slow. Adam fought the restraining grip and tried for the cock again, mouth wide. He wanted it in his throat, down deep. Adam didn't want to taste the come when Adam shot. He wanted to choke on it. "Come on," he said, anger bubbling in him, "make me fucking feel it." He heard a sigh from above and Adam's hands fell away. Adam took advantage and impaled himself on Adam's cock. Yes! God, he was so big. Adam pulled at the laces on his leather pants and yanked his own cock out. He jerked off, rough and ready, almost regretting that he'd leaked enough pre-come to make the slide easy. He squeezed tight, searching for the pain. He gagged as he opened his throat to take Adam's cock in deep enough to get a nose full of ginger pubes. Adam was definitely going to mock him for that later. Adam's curtains matched his drapes. There was no reason for dying his hair if he wasn't going to go all out, was there?

"Adam, hey, uh." Adam's hand smacked Adam's shoulder without effort, so he ignored it. He pulled off, but only to choke himself again. He wished Adam would hold his nose. Make him feel the neediness, the fear he was going for. He wanted to, god, he wanted to faint on Adam's cock, wanted Adam to keep fucking his throat after he was out cold, but Mr. Penis of Goodness and Light would never do that, so Adam had to take matters into his own hands. It was never good enough, never truly met his need. Maybe he could get Adam drunk one night--dose his tea or something--and see if some of that goody-two-shoes nature would wash away with the whisky. Fuck, the idea was hopeless. The one time he'd convinced Adam to take a sip had not gone well.

"Drink it or you're a douche." Adam looked at the bottle, at the wet neck and Adam's moist lips and stepped backwards to stand in the middle of the hall instead of in Adam's doorway.

"I only came to see if you wanted to join the neighborhood watch?" Adam glanced down the hall, as if plotting his escape route.

"Are you sure that's why you came? Because it doesn't sound like you're sure." Adam grinned at him--it wasn't a leer; losers leered--and, grabbing him by the front of his "Charity is Love" shirt, yanked him inside. After a fucking ridiculous amount of hemming and hawing, Adam finally took a drink. Adam ignored Adam's chatter. Why Adam thought he gave a quarter-fuck about neighborhood patrols and pooper-scooping--did Adam see a dog in the apartment?--was beyond Adam. Finally Adam just got his dick out, but when he turned around to surprise Adam with it, Adam was snoring away on the couch. After one drink.

Adam came and his cock seemed to get bigger, but maybe that was Adam squeezing his throat around it, trying to milk it dry. Adam sucked him soft, not being nice about it either, but even that didn't get a rise out of Adam (double entrendre intended). He wobbled and waited, doing his usual "oh god oh god" routine when really Adam wanted him to slap him across the face. Adam came, splattering his come on Adam's wooden floors. He shifted his knees open to avoid touching it. He spat Adam's cock out, disgusted, and wiped his mouth on Adam's shirt. (As if he'd use his, which had cost a shitload.) Adam patted his hair like a dog. Adam wouldn't have minded being treated like a dog, but by a person who hated dogs. He could use a good kicking.

He wanted to get flipped onto his stomach and fucked hard, but when he'd tried to push Adam into that scenario, Adam had looked horrified and tried to hug him. He stood up. "See ya."

"Hey. Wait." Adam grabbed his arm. "You know, if you ever want to talk about this...."

Adam stared until Adam let go of his sleeve. "Talk about what?"

"Why you--" Adam waved his newly freed hand. "Why you want people to hurt you."

Adam stepped away, aiming for the door. On his knees, he was far enough from Adam's bright blue eyes that he could escape their intensity--their fluffy clouds and afternoon sky-implied goodness--but face to face he had to retreat from the unspoken but glaring plea that he try to better himself. Adam didn't know what that meant, but he was pretty sure Adam disapproved of him as a whole. Adam hadn't used him like he'd wanted. It pissed him off. "Who said anything about people?" he asked. He slammed the door behind himself. Let Adam figure that out.

He unlocked his door and slammed himself into his apartment. He hadn't even bothered to close his pants. Mrs. Randall was a peeper. She lived across the hall. He stripped his clothes off and dropped them on the floor. Then he lay down on the couch and turned on his computer. He played the porn loud and moaned along with it as he jerked off again, thinking of Adam on the other side getting hard from hearing it. He paused it a few times to see if he could hear Adam moaning too. Instead he heard classical music coming through the wall. Adam felt a deep sense of satisfaction. Yeah, that was fooling no one. Adam wanted Adam to think he was drowning out Adam's jerk-off session, but Adam knew Adam was hiding his own moans. He shot onto his stomach. It pooled in the dip at the center of his chest caused by the curve in his posture. He drew a finger through it and licked it. He dipped in again, and by the time he was clean he was hard again. He took a swig from the open bottle on his coffee table and restarted the porn. He wondered if Adam had any idea that Adam had taped himself jerking off dressed in tight jeans and an oversized sweater and that he watched it pretending it was Adam. Fuck, he wanted him like this, debauched and calling out Adam's name (that had been a little weird to do, but Adam committed to a part). He turned the volume up and listened to "Adam" call for him.

#

Adam turned up the volume on his classical music. He needed to say no next time, but Adam hadn't really given him a choice the other... two dozen?... times. He'd knocked, shoved, and knelt. Well, except for that time when he'd tried to get Adam to fuck him without lube and sorry, no, not gonna happen. Adam could just about handle the weird "fuck my face on your cock" blowjobs, but he needed to give himself a few secret tugs to get revved up for that. He didn't know what Adam's deal was, and Adam never wanted to talk about it. He was over there in his apartment now trying to set a world record for stripping his dick. Adam put his noise-canceling headphones on and collapsed onto his couch. He was wiped out. He let himself sleep, hoping that when he woke up Adam would have gone out for the night. His absence was the only way to guarantee peace. The problem was, Adam spent that supposed peace worrying about him.

It was difficult to "like" Adam. The guy was all surface and no substance. He was like a two-year-old in a lot of ways. Want and need were synonyms for him, and as far as Adam could tell, his wants and needs were limited to sex and drink with a package of ramen noodles thrown in for good measure. But maybe because he seemed incapable of taking care of himself--of even realizing that it was something he might want to consider--Adam had a soft spot for him. It wasn't an "adopt baby birds after the cat chews on them" soft spot; it was more a "teach the cat not to eat baby birds and try not to get upset when you fail because it's futile" feeling. Adam worried about Adam, and he worried about himself for worrying about Adam because Adam didn't seem to care if Adam worried, so it was pointless to do it, right?

Adam woke up to silence. He lay still, waiting. Sometimes he thought Adam could see into his apartment or hear him because often he woke to silence, but the second he moved music-- or worse, moaning--started. Adam didn't want to say bad things about people who called out their own name during self-love time, but Adam did it a lot. Adam might have done it once or twice, just to try it, but he'd ended up thinking about Adam.

Wait.

He'd ended up thinking about Adam.

Holy shit. Cow. Um. Holy cow.

"Who said anything about people?" Adam's words from earlier came back to him. Fuck. Um. Frick. Adam grabbed his sweater--it was always cold in Adam's apartment--and ran out the door. He knocked and when that didn't do anything, he pounded. Finally, he yelled. Maybe he really was out. Adam turned around and knocked on Mrs. Randall's door. She opened immediately, probably had been there watching since Adam had first knocked.

"He's in there," she said before Adam could ask. "And don't think I don't know what you boys get up to."

Panicking now, Adam turned back to the door. What if Adam had done something stupid? Not intentionally, but who knew what he got up to on his own? Adam took a deep breath, and ran shoulder first into the door. He grunted as he fell away, but he picked himself up and did it again. In movies, it took three times to knock a door down. On Adam's third time, he fell to the floor and succumbed to the pain. Adam's door opened and Adam appeared. He blinked down at Adam. He wasn't wearing a shirt and his leather pants were unlaced. Adam had just enough time to notice how innocent and unscary he looked with his hair mussed and a few strands falling over his golden eyes before he passed out. He came to immediately, before Adam had a chance to touch him and sat up. "Don't." He waved off Adam's attempt to help him stand.

"What the fuck?" Adam asked. "I was napping."

"You didn't answer the door," Adam said.

"So you thought you would break it down?" Adam looked a little pleased at this, as if some of his traits had bled over. "Well." He examined Adam with his dangerous stare. "How about you." It seemed to be more a statement on Adam's condition than a question. He gestured Adam inside. Adam sat down on the couch, noticed a white stain, and edged away from it. Adam made some noise in the kitchen and came back with an ice pack. He sat down next to Adam, forcing Adam onto the stain. Adam held the ice pack to Adam's shoulder.

"You only do it with me, don't you?" Adam asked.

"Hmm?" Adam was concentrating on the shoulder and not much else.

"Try to use me to hurt yourself. It's only me, isn't it?"

Adam glanced at him, but quickly flitted his gaze away without answering. Sighing, Adam turned his attention to the rest of the apartment. Fine, so they weren't going to talk about it. Adam would just wait until the next time Adam turned up wanting his cock and not much else. Adam noticed the computer. He leaned closer. Was that him? That was his sweater--his sweater he had on. Holy sh--cow. Oh.

Oh.

Ohhhh.

The ice pack had fallen away from his shoulder. Adam turned to see Adam staring at him, mouth working but nothing coming out. "You made that?" Adam asked.

Adam didn't move. His golden eyes had lost some of their unnerving intensity. A bit of uncertainty had crept in. Snapping out of it, he leapt forward and slammed the laptop closed.

Adam stood up. His sweater fell over his hips as he did. "You bought a sweater exactly like mine. You made that video so you could pretend I was jerking off for you." Adam's silent trembling was all the answer Adam needed. He unbuttoned his jeans and reached down to pull himself out.

"What are you... what are you doing?" God, Adam sounded scared. Adam gave him a smile, the same smile he gave the kids at the music camp he ran when they struggled with singing. It always worked to reassure them. "Get your camera, Adam. You don't need to pretend now." After a few seconds of gaping, Adam ran. Adam didn't know what he was doing, but the idea of Adam jerking off to a facsimile of him turned him on so much that he wanted it to be real. He palmed himself to an erection, still trapped in his pants. He'd pull it out on camera. Adam came back, camera ready. He set it on a tripod and aimed it at Adam. If Adam decided to be a dick and put it on the internet, Adam could always say it was Adam.

"Ready?" Adam asked. He grabbed his cock.

Adam pushed a button so the red light appeared on the camera. Adam pulled his cock out. He shoved his pants down, remembering how in the video Adam hadn't taken them all the way off. He had to lift his sweater out of the way, revealing his stomach. He scratched it and rocked into his own touch. God his fricking cock felt so big like this, being watched. Adam's attention had an effect Adam never got when it was Adam's mouth. It was the knowing, maybe, that everything had been about him. Not random people, not Adam the easy lay, but Adam himself being wanted by the hot fucked up guy next door, and that was why Adam had never sent him away. That was why Adam hadn't objected when Adam dropped to his knees and yanked his pants open. Adam had wanted it, wanted him too. Adam dropped onto the couch.

"Get your cock out," Adam said. He colored at his language as a small grin brushed Adam's lips. He scrambled to open his leather pants, though, and pulled himself out, red and ready. "Jerk off with me. I want to see you come on those expensive pants." He shuddered with want, thinking of Adam watching the video later and his video-self commanding him.

"Yeah, uh," Adam said, gasping for words. He jerked himself fast. Adam matched his movements, pace for pace. He thumbed over his slit and gasped at the sensation. Hold the sweater up, he reminded himself, and the sweater rubbed his nipples, the soft cashmere feeling rough somehow, angry against his sensitive nubs; it went straight to his cock, straight through him. He shot on Adam's glass coffee table. Adam was on it immediately, licking it. Adam stepped back, almost falling on his ass at the sight of Adam so hungry for him. He tripped over to the camera and turned it off. Returning to the couch, he grabbed Adam and shoved him backwards so he could get his mouth on Adam's cock.

"Don't, I--"

"You want this," Adam said. Seeing the truth in Adam's eyes, the acceptance that Adam refused to voice, Adam pushed him down and licked his tip. He couldn't deep throat, but it didn't matter because Adam came the second Adam got his mouth around him. Adam pushed him down by his hips, hard; there would be red marks later, maybe bruises, and Adam imagined Adam inspecting those marks later and getting hard again. He swallowed. Then, echoing Adam's usual move, suckled him soft. He pulled off and rested his cheek on Adam's inner thigh. He could feel Adam's pulse through one of the veins running just beneath.

"So, does this mean you'll fuck me?" Adam asked. He sounded part hopeful, part obnoxious. Adam closed his eyes and wrapped his arm around Adam's waist.

"Let's just say chances are looking good."

Adam tried to squirm away from the hug after a few seconds, but he didn't put much effort into it. "Stay," Adam said, in his best Command Voice. Adam made a token protest, but stopped. Adam smiled to himself and started planning his next move. High up on the list? Getting Adam to eat healthier, although, given his current diet, "healthier" could be a cheeseburger. They'd start slow, work up to salads. He rubbed Adam's back. Adam gave a disgruntled groan. Adam didn't come with order; he didn't follow rules. Adam didn't know what he'd gotten himself into, but it was going to be interesting.

The End

Dansk venner! Hjælp mig med min dansk!

amproof — Sun, 05 Feb 2012 16:30:24 GMT

Hej til min dansk-taler venner! Her har jeg læste fra kapitel et af "Mere om Paddington". Jeg er meget glad hvis lytte I til det og taler til mig som min "pronunciation" og hvis I forstår mig. Jeg var nervøs i begyneldse, so jeg vil gerne have I lytte til mere.

(Also feel free to correct the above b/c I did it on my own.)

If you go to listen on soundcloud, you can make comments directly to the questionable parts, but idk, maybe it is better to do a general "You sound Swedish!" (TM evilgeniuslady) in the comments here. LOL (And then back that up with why.)

Danish practice 1 by user9338474

http://soundcloud.com/user9338474/danish-practice-1

For non-Danish speakers, I'm doing some practice on my pronunciation, but idk, maybe it will be interesting for podficcer types to listen to something in a different language. You can comment on my cadences! I tried to edit out all my stuttering (a combination of actual stuttering and getting caught on how to say the word), but there's still some in there.

Here's a link to what I'm reading, should you wish to follow along: hxxp://www.mediafire.com/?nkhztazc455k6uz (145.65 MB). I'm planning on recording the rest if this goes well!

Fic: Falling Home (BA/Jerusalem Sequel)

amproof — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 05:19:55 GMT

Title: Falling Home
Author:amproof
Artist: firefly1344
Fandom: Original
Word count: 41,395
Pairing: m/m/f
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: semi-graphic sex, character coping with PTSD, references to past traumas including gay bashing and non-graphic non-con.
Summary: Kelly, Connor and Sam begin their life together after the three turbulent years that kept them apart. Connor struggles to cope with his PTSD and restart his singing career.
Acknowledgments: goseaward for emerging from beta retirement because I needled her about needing my story's original beta; to capnzebbie for bidding on it in a charity auction one year and one month ago and my own sense of guilt for driving me to fulfill that pledge. Finally to firefly1344 for being a great artist and a delightful collaborator.
Notes: Written for polybigbang. This is a sequel to the American Idol fanfic Building Jerusalem (written for polybigbang 2009. I converted Building Jerusalem to original fic last year. You can still read the fanfiction version at bjdnihome. (Join to read.) I hope you do not need to read either to follow this sequel, but I’m not positive on that. In its most specific analysis, this does not work as a sequel to the fanfiction due to changes in character backgrounds, but in general terms it does. Info about the original fic, including a special BB discount is at that same site.

Art Post: http://firefly1344.livejournal.com/32477.html
Fic at AO3: http://archiveofourown.org/works/331619

It's back!!!

amproof — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 02:42:36 GMT

FAQ and Rules
Author Sign Ups | Artist Sign Ups
Come and join kradambigbang!

Podfic permission for Stephen

amproof — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 18:47:53 GMT

My blanket podfic permission policy for this journal is anything under 10K words that is not f-locked. I am now adding Stephen and its related snippets to that permission. I have no intention of ever converting it to original, so no worries there. It's very much a product of its fandom, so go forth, podfic and be merry with it. (Regarding the note at the end of the story that Kris writes to Smith, I'll be happy to work with a reader to incorporate it into the story.)

*this post is made b/c of podficbigbang sign-ups, happening now.*

Fic: Stephen pre-story (American Idol)

amproof — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 00:41:15 GMT

I wasn't doing too well today working on what I'm supposed to be doing, and this little pre-story came to mind.

It's set directly before Stephen starts. 1200 words.

Brad set the grocery bags down on Adam's counter. Adam hadn't responded to the doorbell or Brad's pounding at the door, and Brad wasn't optimistic enough to believe it was because Adam was working in his studio. He'd go upstairs in a few minutes and shake him out of bed. He put the groceries away first and turned the stove on to whip up three eggs. While that cooked, he made toast and coffee. He set a tray out, plated up the eggs and toast, poured the coffee into a mug and added a small glass of orange juice.

"Adam! I'm coming up!" Brad bellowed from the bottom of the stairs. That was the unspoken rule they had--yell first so Adam had time to make himself look awake and not like he'd been up all night with his mind whirling between despair and crazy ideas.

Brad was all for crazy, his whole life was a testament to it, but Adam took it to a different level. Brad had belts made out of ostrich feathers; Adam had lists and charts of places Kris wasn't and PI's phone numbers memorized and jet lag layered on jet lag from all the times he'd flown on zero notice to a place where Kris might have been seen, according to an unsubstantiated source, at some point in time. Brad had put his foot down on that when Adam had fainted from hunger and tiredness. Thank God he hadn't been anywhere public. Brad hadn't known if his foot would have any impact on what Adam did, but Adam had seemed grateful to have someone take an interest in how he was falling apart, maybe because Adam himself couldn't seem to care. They had this deal now, Brad took care of Adam and pretended he didn't notice that Adam wasn't getting any better, and Adam hired other people to go looking for Kris.

When Brad stepped into Adam's room, Adam was sitting up with his feet on the floor. He wore a pair of sweatpants that used to fit, but now left a gap at the back of his waist. He kept his shirt on these days not because of the self-consciousness over his extra pounds he used to have but because those pounds were gone now, replaced with gauntness, and Brad could never regulate his expression when faced with blatant evidence of Adam's condition.

"I found him," Adam said. He watched, his gaze seeming alert and a little crazy--same as usual when he mentioned Kris--as Brad set the tray down on the bedside table. He handed Adam the juice and Adam obediently drank. "He's in New York." He put the glass back on the tray. "It's him this time. I know it."

"Who's going to see?" Brad asked.

Adam looked away. He'd had a fight with the Allens recently, another one, and there wasn't much money left for his obsession with finding Kris. Brad tried another question. "What did you find out?"

"He's with a doctor named Smith." Adam threw the covers back and revealed a stack of papers he'd slept on. This also was nothing new. "He keeps boys. Slaves. But for the last three years he's only kept one." He waved one of the papers, as if Brad could read it in motion. "It has to be Kris."

Brad stopped Adam's hands. "How do you know?"

"The dates line up."

"Adam, how did you hear about this guy?"

Adam handed over another paper. It had a phone number on it. "I followed a connection to a connection and," he waved his hand to indicate that Brad should continue the line in his head. "I met his last boy."

Brad glanced at the paper. Adam needed to see that Brad took his research seriously. "You're going to believe a traumatized kid?"

Adam shifted so his knees pointed away from Brad. It was a slight move but somehow made him look smaller. "Every lead, Brad. That's the rule."

Brad grimaced, angry at himself. "Sorry. You're right." He sat down next to Adam and handed him a piece of toast. Adam nibbled on it, watching Brad through a side glance. Brad rubbed his knees. "So, tell me what you want to do."

"I have a plan for getting him back."

"You mean you have a plan for finding out if he's there," Brad said. Adam still had a tendency to skip steps, which led him to greater disappointments.

"Yeah, that." He tossed the crusts onto the plate. They landed in the center of the eggs, which had taken on a jellied look once they'd cooled. "Smith has a monthly gambling game. It's a hefty buy-in, but I can cover it."

Brad grabbed a bit of egg for himself. Sometimes if he ate in front of Adam, Adam ate too. It slid down his throat, cold. "Who are you sending in to play?"

"I'll go myself. I found a guy who'll teach me."

"No." Brad stood up, needing the facade of towering over Adam--something he could do as long as Adam stayed seated--to assert his authority. Not that he had any authority, but between the two of them over the past few years they'd worked out a see-saw balancing act of giving and taking commands. "Adam Lambert is not going to a gambling party with the intent of winning a sex slave." Adam started to protest. Brad stopped him. "No! Stop thinking about it. Now."

"What am I supposed to do then? No one else will go." His voice cracked and his eyes watered. Brad steeled himself against it. He couldn't let Adam put himself into danger that could be avoided. That was Brad's purpose: Keep Adam alive; Keep Adam sane. He figured he was playing a sixty percent success rate. Adam wobbled and Brad dropped his calculation down a notch. This could be it, the disappointment that broke Adam.

Brad was as bad as Adam in that sense. For every clue that Adam chased with his hope focused on it, Brad tracked with the fear it would be too much for him. Adam would go insane, or die, before he stopped looking for Kris, and Brad had no right to stop him. But he'd be damned if he let Adam fall victim to his obsession without a fight. He looked up and loosened his fingers, which Brad had squeezed into fists at his sides as he thought things through. "I'll go," he said. "I'll play. I'll find him."

He didn't smile when Adam hugged him. He clung to Adam's too-thin body, feeling detached from Adam's gratitude as his mind spun forward to himself at that secret gambling table, lying his ass off and betting Adam's money, all for the sight of a man who probably wouldn't be Kris. As Adam said, "Thank you," Brad forced a toothy smile and said, "You're welcome," as he thought further into the future, of himself caring for Adam again, coming back to find him worse for the new disappointment, and no one around but Brad to make him eat and get out of bed.

"When's the next game?" Brad asked.

"Two weeks," Adam said.

Brad nodded. They had time then. Until he knew otherwise, Brad would treat this as a real mission with Kris on the end of it. He'd go into it with the intention of getting Kris back. He slipped out of Adam's arms and took advantage of Adam's standing up to make the bed. "Go shower. We've got work to do."

Adam went to his bathroom with a light step. He was always like this when he had a new unvarnished lead. It made Brad feel like stone. He touched his mouth, pushing his smile into place and silently ordered it to stay.

End

The winner is...

amproof — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 02:08:59 GMT

The winner of the drawing for my new book is...

roga! (as determined by Random.org)

In other news, writers' group was great today, and I'm super motivated for next month. I'm working on Superhero this week. Huzzah!

Progress!

amproof — Sun, 08 Jan 2012 18:38:32 GMT

I forbade myself from starting the 3rd Hunger Games book until I finished SING. It worked! It's with the beta now, who may or may not have been anticipating it. LOL Now I'm futzing a bit to decide what comes next. I have a list that says it should be BA2 and Superhero fic because those have deadlines, but I'm all fuuuuuuuttzzzzzz.

In an hour, I'm having the first meeting with my writers' group since 2009. So, maybe I'll work something out in there. Excited, anyway!

Meanwhile, the giveaway to win a copy of my new book continues until this evening.