One Whose Honesty is Stronger Than Her Fear

Dear Yulegoat 2019!

amilyn — Wed, 30 Oct 2019 01:00:31 GMT

Dear Yulegoat!

I am super easy to find. I am Amilyn or AmilynH *everywhere*. I'm Amilyn at AO3, ff.net, DW, & LJ. I'm AmilynH on Tumblr & Twitter, and I'm Ami Lynh on FB. I chatter fannishly about Pretty Ladies in all of these locations.

Fandoms Requested
Early Edition
Birds of Prey (Comic)
Terminator

Overview

DNW: explicit (het or slash); I'm not even really here for romance (except Toni/Gary), and even there, I'm only home for kissing. Undercover performances of romance? SO! Fun! (I could buy into Barbara/Dinah...but it's not my main focus.)

The short summary of What I Love, it goeth thusly:

Badass Ladies Having Canon Compliant Adventures.

I LOVE work that fits tidily into canon. I LOVE my ladies. I LOVE them having badass adventures.

I LOVE hurt/comfort and fear and women saving themselves (and, sometimes, the world).

I love when grief and bitterness are explored in all their complexity; all of these ladies have losses and trauma and grief and What Ifs, but despite that...sometimes because of that...they are still fighting for themselves and others.
I love tropes (handcuffed together and running for their lives, trapped in an elevator during a power cut, pretending to be married [in the suburbs], going undercover as a couple in another situation, "there's a murderer trying to bring down our airplane," someone's been shot during a bank robbery hostage situation [let's be real...ANY hostage situation!], trapped in a cabin during a snowstorm, trapped in a cave-in...you get the idea.)

I like stories that slot tidily into canon because I am a Canon-Based Life Form. I don't HATE AUs (though I do hate the "coffee shop AU" type of AU), but I mainly enjoy "What If" types of AUs where it's "What if this one thing were different..."

Request 1 by Amilyn
Fandom: Early Edition
Toni Brigatti, Marissa Clark

I would love ANYTHING with Toni and Marissa interacting or (better yet) working together, whether or not Toni knows about the paper, set during or after the series. I'm also all right with the story including anyone else (Gary, Cat, Crumb, Miguel...), so long as AT LEAST ONE of my ladies is the focus.

Basically....these women being awesome. Marissa and Toni teaming up! Brigatti and Gary (snowed into a cabin, perhaps...)! Marissa and blind adventures! The women handling things when Gary can't. Toni knowing or not knowing about the paper. Hijinks. Toni and Gary together...or not *yet* together. Toni/Gary OTP. Marissa's skills and abilities being remembered. Marissa getting out of the bar to do things. Cat and Toni coming to a detente. Toni covering for Gary and taking heat from Winston. A Day In The Life of Team!Gary's!Paper. Toni and Marissa going undercover as a couple. Toni kvetching to Marissa about the MESS that was what happened to her around Chuck's wedding--and that WHOPPING headache from being repeatedly chloroformed!

So many options...and a magical newspaper brought by a cat.

[If Mary Kate were to write for me, I'd EAT UP a continuation of the Air Crash Investigation AU...just saying...NOT an expectation from Mary Kate and CERTAINLY not from anyone else.]

Request 2 by Amilyn
Fandom: Birds of Prey (comic)
Barbara Gordon | Oracle (Birds of Prey (Comic))

I LOVE my Oracle-BarbaraGordon. I LOVE her being brilliant, badass, a bit morally questionable (her Robin-Hood technique of stealing from the rich to give to the Superhero funds), and functioning as Dispatch for the entirety of the DC Hero-verse.

I love even MORE when she gets out of the clocktower and has to go into a situation herself (and I love the tension between her badassery and her self-doubt). Give me Barbara having ADVENTURES and I am All About That. I want to see her in the field, doing things NO ONE thinks she can do (perhaps even herself)...and taking FULL advantage of being underestimated (and completely anonymous). I love when she gets to shock some bad guy by beating him up and he was absolutely not expecting that.

I LOVE when she has an EXCELLENT, titanium, rigid-frame, lightweight, low-profile, SPORTY wheelchair that FITS her functionality and mobility and needs. Low back, no handles, no armrests, slightly canted wheels, tucked-in footplate, a bit of seat dump. Let my lady have a FANTASTIC chair given her low-level SCI!

This is only shorter because I got tired, NOT because I love Barbara any less than my other awesome ladies on this list!

SPOILERS below for "Dark Fate"

Request 3 by Amilyn
Fandom: Terminator (movies)
Sarah Connor

I love Sarah Connor. I'm changing my sign-up at the last minute because tonight I saw "Dark Fate" and...MAN. Just...WOW. She's adass, angry, bitter, empty...she's had her whole life stolen over and over--no MATTER which iteration of Sarah it is. And I love all of her. I love her monologues.

I LOVE young Sarah, Minnie-Mouse-voiced waitress with a pet reptile, who loses everything in one night and rises to the fate set her.

I love slightly-round-the-bend Sarah who's been driven mad by the weight of responsibility of a known future she has to rise to while simultaneously wanting to prevent the seemingly inescapable horrors.

I love T:SCC Sarah, with whom John DID survive, who got to see John growing into the Future Leader of Mankind while everyone around them dies because "We all die for you, John." I love how that series showed that this is SUCH a fragmented timeline that there is NO WAY to stop the coming apocalypse now...that every time someone has been sent back...it has been from a different version of the future with a different date for Judgement Day or a slightly different set of memories/experiences.

I even posited that perhaps the only way to end this would BE to kill Kyle Reese or John, to prevent the looped demands that the machines and John have to stop or destroy the other. Then "Dark Fate" said, no, even without John...it's all going to go pear-shaped anyway.

I love Sarah who was saved by "Pops"

I love Old Angry Sarah, who DID prevent Skynet, only to lose John...only to find that Judgement Day happened anyway, just, from a different starting point of a company. I love the moment where she says that she's standing up for Dani "Because I was her. And it sucks."
I love her reclaiming the determination and drive of between T1 and T2 when she realizes about Dani, "She's John."

I love Sarah Connor. I love just post-Waitress Sarah, Terrorist Sarah, Trying-to-hold-it-all-together Sarah (T:SCC), Grew-Up-With-Pops Sarah, Angry-Bitter-Old Sarah. I'm going to be happy with any thoughtful story about whichever Sarah Connor you're comfortable with writing.

I love her capacity for growth. I love her determination. I love how she learns, how she faces these awful truths, how she accepts this awful life she's been handed and works to make the best for everyone out of it. I love how she handles guns as big as she is. I love her snark. I love her Glare-That-Could-Kill-You. I love her attempts to save the world from all angles. How do you prevent or change something that is a constantly-moving target?

I'd love to see Sarah between T1 and T2: did she unravel before or after her institutionalization?

I'd love to see Sarah and Dani learning and prepping together.

I'd love to see an ever-increasing understanding of the fragmentation of the timeline and future; the space-time continuum is so fragmented, with EVERY future having a terrible likelihood of the utter destruction of humanity, that it doesn't seem like the fabric of space-time is reparable. And yet...Sarah keeps trying.

Is this angry-bitter-bereaved Sarah from Dark Fate...is she who T:SCC Sarah would have become if they could never get John back from the future she lived in where there never was a John after he time-traveled?

I'm fascinated by her hatred and loathing of Uncle Bob and Cameron and Carl...but her acceptance that sometimes you need a machine to fight the machines...and that uneasy relationship she has with each of these. Her commentary in Mexico is fascinating about how, "It would never leave him.... Of all the would-be fathers who came and went over the years, this thing, this machine, was the only one who measured up. In an insane world, it was the sanest choice."

And...dude...is there a point where multiple Sarahs start overlapping and meeting? I love the ways that the timelines intersect and interact, how the annihilation of mankind and a war against the machines seems entirely inevitable now...and I love how the series shows that there is no comfort in living knowing that is on its way.

I'd be happy with anything that explored any of these or any adjacent questions. I'd love for SARAH to be the one, finally, to get to say, "Come with me if you want to live." I'd love to see who else is out there as the Mother Mary of a given generation. Does she at some point feel that there are others ready to hand the baton to who will do all that can be done to save humanity?

This entry was cross-posted at https://amilyn.dreamwidth.org/849780.html.

Religion

amilyn — Thu, 22 Aug 2019 21:34:51 GMT

I posted this on FB just now, and I want to save it here.

American conservative, fundamentalist, and evangelical Christianity is...so damned Pauline. I come from there. I lived and breathed it, 3-4 times a week, for almost 23 years. I tried with EVERYTHING I HAD to be "good enough." To LIVE and THINK in a way that was "Christ-like" and would be enough effort to be "worthy" to sit at the right hand of God, to avoid being told "Depart from me; I never knew thee."

And now, I'm watching so many "Christians"...people who share so many things about my upbringing, including the same holy text, including the desperate need to be "enough" to be pleasing to God and stay in the good graces of a congregation...I'm seeing such disdain and cruelty for the kinds of people I remember being welcomed: people fleeing dangerous regimes, people immigrating for a better life (including the right to worship according to their own consciences). I knew a family who were refugees in the 1970 from Cambodia, a family who were refugees from Madagascar. Both gave up everything. Both were sponsored by members of my childhood congregation.

But now, every conservative, fundamentalist, evangelical, American Christian I see on the news or on the internet is spouting hatred and exclusion.

I see and hear blind support for that man in the White House AND for his statements and policies. I see a resurgence of hostility and isolationism, of "me first" instead of inclusivity and love. I see NO condemnation of the cruelty and open sinfulness of that man in the White House...his behavior, his sexuality, his self-aggrandizement, his cruelty, his eagerness to exclude.

I REMEMBER the disdain of those around me for the "uppity" behavior of Hillary Clinton for being educated and capable, for doing her JOB. I REMEMBER people saying that if Bill Clinton couldn't be trusted to keep his marriage vows, then how could be trusted to uphold the oath of office. I SEE the SAME PEOPLE NOT leveling that concern at a man who didn't even know, upon becoming president, that we have a tri-partate government or what the role of each branch was. I SEE the SAME PEOPLE not seeming to have a problem with that man's daughter having broad access to things FOR WHICH SHE HAS NO EDUCATION nor even a proper security clearance.

I READ vulgar comments that lump together whole groups, judging the one by lies about the many. I see and hear and read racism and exclusion and hatred from those who quoted, as often as possible, that "God is not a respecter of persons," to prove that no individual is greater than another, that ALL are invited to their view of salvation.

I am so so offended by these positions, the way they HARM so many people, and do so while feeling righteous about their hurtful choices, words, and actions.

And I am SO ANGRY about this because I LITERALLY worked and tried SO HARD to live up to the demands of the Christian holy text that I worked my way right into a literal nervous breakdown that took YEARS to reconstruct myself from.

I KNOW what this text says. I KNOW what it means to try with every ounce of your being to follow it. I KNOW how unkind and presumptuous and condescending I was in some of the ways I attempted to adhere to All The Things. I know how I agonised over what I felt I needed to do to be even *heading toward* "good enough."

And I know, in every cell of my being, what it means to "Be ye therefore kind, one to another," and how DIFFICULT and CRITICAL that is. I know what it means to want to care for the widows and orphans and "the least of one of these."

I am deeply offended that these people, who profess to stand for the values I HARMED myself trying to follow closely "enough" are using out-of-context ideas, and, more importantly, WRONG ideas that are CONTRADICTED by the demands of this holy text, to cause HARM and spread HATRED in the way of those Pharisees they count as the villains of the story of one aspect of their deity.

I was WARNED to be cautious in my actions AND THOUGHTS as well as my public behavior, to avoid the outcome of "And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity."

They should consider themselves closely and reflect more directly on their oft-repeated, "What would Jesus do?"

I was going to find an article to quote/link...but there are Just. So. Many. This hurts my heart and makes me nauseated and hopeless. I am SO ANGRY. I know that these people KNOW the text that tells them to BE BETTER. I know because they used that text to tell me to BE BETTER. I am SO sad and heartsick about this.

Edit to add MORE from comments I'm making:
LITERALLY, the things I've kept and that I expect of myself morally?

Are the ones that are most about "Be ye therefore kind, one to another" and "As you have done for the least of one of these, so have you done to me," as my primary guideline.

I was raised with people who BELIEVED those things...and they wanted to Do It All Right...but they were also SO afraid of violating the edict that "As much as it stands with you, give offense to no man."

We had conversations about how we feared that, if we gave offense in the wrong moment, that we might drive someone "away from God" and have them when they were ready to hear, remember that offense and not come to us to seek out God, and have thus been responsible for "cutting him off from the Glory of God."

I was CONSTANTLY afraid I was going to ruin things for myself or others, that I would fail to "be angry and sin not" by somehow *sinning* while angry...so...I decided it was safer NOT to be angry. I feared being a "stumbling-block" to someone else's faith.

I KNOW people are out there who take these expectations as seriously as I did (and, honestly, still do, just minus the vengeful and demanding God and potential punishment). I cannot understand how so many people who I KNOW grew up hearing the same kinds of sermons I did, hearing the same verses quoted as I did--and learning to recite and analyze them along with book, chapter: verse citations!--can have disregarded all of what was contained in those lessons.

A comment in response to a question of whether those around me took Bible study as seriously as I did:
ALL OF US.

Of course, our congregation, in a town of 25,000 people and 25,000 students, was only 120 individuals (including every living being present) on good Sunday mornings.

But I went to youth rallies and church camp and week-long Being Christlike Women conferences and SO many meetings with other people who were members of churches of Christ in various places, and when we were out of town, we STILL attended. We would literally find the nearest church and stop DRIVING to go to services along the way--or leave early enough to get to services where we were going on Sunday morning/night or Wednesday night...I QUIT ORCHESTRA (after 5 years of playing violin) because all of our concerts were on Wednesday nights and I was sick of being required to miss church once or twice a year, and I was concerned about putting something ahead of church. And the type of lessons in Sunday school, the kind of study, the kinds of sermons, ALL OF THAT mirrored what we did in our congregation.

It's what churches of Christ are like. (There used to be a joke in Tennessee that, "If you can't find a Bible in a court room, just find one of those church of Christ people and put your hand on their head.")

(And the writing of it as church of Christ with the first lowercase "c" is something that is discussed as an important way to demonstrate that it is CHRIST whose body the church is, that the "church" is not the more important entity--more English lessons! And the more conservative congregations will make sure to do their signs in all caps--in order to avoid the fact that you can't make the non-capitalization a thing--and will often list it as CHURCH OF CHRIST MEETS HERE in order to emphasize that the *building* is a convenient *meeting place* but that the *church* is the people, and not the building.)

This is what my people were and are like.

And yet...there are some of THESE people--especially in smaller towns and farther south--who are outright hateful. I have two other church of Christ ex-member friends here on FB (and one here on DW, settiai and...it's IMPOSSIBLE to explain other than to say it's like having left a cult (a designation that the churches of Christ vehemently deny; they believe they are the ONLY group that is reviving and adequately adhering to 1st Century Christianity As Christ Taught and that Everyone Else Is Going To Hell; I learned from childhood ON how to prove the wrongness of other churches' doctrines and practices WITH SCRIPTURE).

This entry was cross-posted at https://amilyn.dreamwidth.org/849175.html.

Shakespeare Bucket

amilyn — Wed, 07 Aug 2019 06:08:17 GMT

I've been keeping a sort-of-running list/tally in a GoogleDoc. I'm sure it's not precise in the numbers, as there have now been so many I've lost some to the vagaries of memory.

Even so, this is probably pretty close, and on Friday I'm seeing another Much Ado, and I'm hitting another Comedy of Errors for Shakespeare in the Park with Chicago Shakespeare, so those numbers will each go up.

What I've seen and how many versions on Film (F) and on Stage (S):
As You Like It: F-1; S-1
Comedy of Errors: S-1
Love's Labour's Lost: F-1; S-1
Measure for Measure: S-1
Merchant of Venice: F-1; S-1
Merry Wives of Windsor: S-1
Midsummer Night's Dream: F-1; S-10
Much Ado about Nothing: F-2; S-4
Taming of the Shrew: F-1; S-4
Twelfth Night: F-2; S-4
Henry V: F-1; S-2
Richard II: F-2; S-1
Richard III: F-1
Hamlet: F-3; S-5
King Lear: F-4; S-4
Macbeth: F-4; S-6
Othello: F-3; S-4
Romeo and Juliet: F-2; S-4
Cymbeline: S-1
Pericles: S-1
The Tempest: S-3
Winter's Tale: F-2; S-3

Still need to see, and I've asterisked the ones that I MOST want to see:
All's Well That Ends Well
Two Gentlemen of Verona
**Henry IV, Part I
Henry IV, Part II
Henry VI, Part I
Henry VI, Part II
Henry VI, Part III
Henry VIII
King John
**Antony and Cleopatra [I saw PART of the BBC series production...but it was SO bad I didn't make it through]
Coriolanus
**Julius Caesar
Timon of Athens
Titus Andronicus
Troilus and Cressida

This entry was cross-posted at https://amilyn.dreamwidth.org/848676.html.

I hate Easter

amilyn — Sun, 21 Apr 2019 20:15:12 GMT

Warning: Rant about religion. I know this does not apply to everyone religious. But it makes me angry, and it hurts people, whether it's how any individual uses this or not.

I grew up a fundamentalist Christian. I was dedicated and devout. I studied hard, regularly examined my conscience, and tried SO HARD to be "good enough" that I wouldn't "sufficiently" honor the torture that Jesus endured in sacrificing for each person's eternal salvation. I reflected on whether I was "crucifying Christ all over again" with each moment of anger, each negative thought, each recrimination--even against people who harmed me.

Every. Year. I am angry all over again at Easter.

Easter wasn't something we celebrated religiously; it's pagan, after all. Yeah, we got chocolate and dyed eggs (not all of the members even did that), baskets and pretty dresses...but my church insisted that we celebrated Jesus's crucifixion and resurrection EVERY Sunday with communion rather than Just Once a Year like people who used Easter for that did (factually wrong, but it was the party line).

Now, every year, Easter rolls around, and people have fun with eggs, and chocolate, and baskets, and dinners with family, and pretty hats, and shiny shoes...and I get RAGEFUL.

I'm SO angry at the cult of suffering and sacrifice and the worshipping of persecution, this system that encourages people to CRAVE the feeling of being oppressed or persecuted to "prove" that they are different enough to be seen, by outsiders, as being "in the world but not of the world," to "PROVE" that they are "blessed" because people "revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake" ...it's isolating and separates followers--separated me--from being a part of the people around them by making it literally SHAMEFUL if people like and accept you--rather than reviling you.

I'm SO ANGRY at the belief system that puts suffering on a pedestal...but only the suffering for being just, and then it is righteous and "manageable" since "God will never tempt you past that which you are able to bear"...which is utterly dismissive and also a method of gaslighting. I'm angry that ALL suffering or struggle is measured against and diminished in comparison to "what Jesus went through and suffered for you to keep you from suffering for eternity in hell." I'm angry that I fear that, when I left the church, both for my own "soul" and for the concern that my mother would *grieve* for my soul forever (and, now, for my kids' souls).

I'm so SO angry at this cult of creating fear and anxiety and a sense of insufficiency by *mentioning* that salvation is through grace, then focusing on behavior management through fear: "What would Jesus do?" "Would you say/do that if Jesus were standing right here watching...because he is...?" and repeating "Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound? God forbid." And then, if things are hard, just "give it to God" or saying that God will comfort or provide...like he did for Jesus. Then there are sermons on the SPECIFICS of what death from crucifixion was like, requests to imagine the PAIN and humiliation, reminding everyone to reflect on how Jesus did this for EACH of us...and the celebration of the details of that suffering are gone through and through and through and used to produce more guilt and shame over being imperfect.

Edited to add (in order to keep all my thoughts in one place):
re: religion is possible in a different way rather than an "all or nothing" that it can be enjoyed in a different way....

I don't know if the "all or nothing" is ingrained from the autism or my disposition, or if it's trained from fundamentalism...but...I cannot handle the spirituality of Christian-based churches there, and the fundamentalism didn't come with pageantry, so I'm not seeking that.

We didn't use crosses in the group I grew up in--it was considered idolatrous. Additionally, a friend from the church pointed out that IF she were to wear a necklace about her faith, it would show an empty tomb.

I found a lot of comfort in paganism for a while, and, as a kinda-farm-kid, I still think in terms of the turn of the year, the turn of the earth.

Then I attended a liberal and embracing church when the kids were little for a while (tried Unitarians...too much fund-raising, and then a local and very lovely UCC...too much Jesus). It was valuable at the time, but I lost interest and it began to annoy me.

I spent a lot of time with Baha'i's and investigated and reflect on that, but, no, they have the same celebration of the details of the suffering and murder of the Bab, the suffering and persecution of Baha'u'llah, and the belief in a single God.

It's all too similar...and it's just...I don't buy it. I don't believe there is interventive or even fully sentient deity.

And...if there's some all-powerful being that created all and is NOT intervening...but still expects adulation and will punish its own creations if they are not sufficiently sycophantic...then that being/collective doesn't DESERVE my worship. That which is given with conditions is not given but ransomed (and "ransomed" is LITERALLY the wording that is used in songs and verses).

The only thing that I feel I've missed--and that my kids have missed--is a consistent and steady community. But what I'd have to sacrifice to have that? Nope.

And, for me personally, fandom fills that void. My kids...that's harder, but I'm sure they'll find their people. /edit

I. Hate. Easter. And I'm SO angry at the religion that celebrates torture for manipulation.

This entry was cross-posted at https://amilyn.dreamwidth.org/848546.html.

Dear Yoda: May the Fourth Be With You

amilyn — Fri, 15 Mar 2019 18:23:43 GMT

My Dear Yoda Letter for the 2109 May the Fourth Be With You 2019 Exchange

General Thoughts, mostly repeated below
I love hurt/comfort. I love bonding under pressure. I love tropes. I love characters coping with trauma and helping others cope with trauma. I am a canon-based life form and love things immersed and embedded deeply and carefully in canon.

Leia Organa/Han Solo OR Character: Leia Organa

I love Leia. I love Han and Leia. But I want LEIA, even if you don't use Han. I am interested in them pre-ESB; there are two years of open canon there. I am really interested in the post-Death Star to Hoth period, as the most-explored time is when they're dancing in earnest around their attraction. I'm also thrilled with anything in the OT period. Or in the early days of the New Republic. Or during her pregnancy with Ben or just after Ben's birth. Or their reaction to Ben's massacre of Luke's school. Or them in the intervening years as they run into each other on occasion. Or just LEIA...dealing and pushing forward and suppressing her own needs and fears and trauma and despair.

I prefer canon-adherent stories (and I default to FILMED canon as my preference for my own consumption). And...I want to see Leia with a lightsaber SO. Damned. BADLY. So......my AU preferences involve Leia training *somehow*, using the Force. I mean, "You have that power too. Someday you will learn to use it as I have."

I love tropes.
Trapped in a cave-in (where it is, of course, damp and cold).
Chained/cuffed together and running for their lives.
Hurt/comfort.
Aftermath of torture/trauma.
Leia using the Force. Gods, PLEASE, Leia using the Force.
I don't need smut; I'm happy with Han and Leia interacting (in a romantic way or not). I am fine with smut, though I prefer it as a catalyst to story or character rather than a means to an end or as a gratuitous wish-fulfillment way.

Kanan Jarrus/Hera Syndulla
I love these two. I love them so much.

I prefer canon-adherent stories (and I default to FILMED canon as my preference for my own consumption). I get that it means there is tragedy built in...but isn't that the way of things with Star Wars?

I have a slight preference for S3 and S4 Kanan & Hera because I think Kanan's blindness adds a wrinkle of complexity that I think is interesting (although that's only the case if it's handled as *blindness* rather than ignored as "got that totally covered with the Force without effort or anything, yo").

I love tropes.
Trapped in a cave-in (where it is, of course, damp and cold).
Chained/cuffed together and running for their lives.
Hurt/comfort.
"Pretending" to be married.
Spycraft.
Aftermath of torture/trauma.
I don't need smut; I'm happy with Kanan and Hera interacting (in a romantic way or not). I am fine with smut, though I prefer it as a catalyst to story or character rather than a means to an end or as a gratuitous wish-fulfillment way.

Leia Organa & Hera Syndulla
These two amazing women met in "A Princess on Lothal," but Hera had to have been aware of Leia even before that, and certainly knew who Bail Organa was. I don't personally believe that Hera and Bail were close, but they WERE both on Yavin. They WERE known to one another. They WERE part of shared briefings. And, no matter how close they weren't, the loss of Alderaan was a huge loss for the Rebellion (not anything like the same as its loss for Leia, to be sure). Hera's losses, though, are ones that would make her more able to relate to Leia. More able to relate to Luke, for that matter. And Hera and Leia are both women who have lived their whole lives at war, whose fathers' entire adult lives were lived fighting for freedom, who have both lost their mothers to this war, and, each in her way, lost her father to the war.

I want to see them interact. Better yet? I want to see them on a mission on the Ghost together, between Yavin and Hoth. Gimme badass women in jeopardy. Gimme badass women having each other's backs (literal back-to-back fighting is TOTALLY something I'm down for). Gimme piecemeal opening up of the strongly compartmentalized emotional depths of either or both of them with the other. It doesn't have to be a deep heart-to-heart...but to come to an accord, an understanding that they each DO really understand more than either ought to have to...yeah.

I love tropes.
Trapped in a cave-in.
Chained/cuffed together and running for their lives.
Hurt/comfort.
Pretending to be married for the mission.
Undercover spycraft.
Aftermath of torture/trauma.
Chopper interacting with Leia in a way that either embarrasses or totaly surprises Hera.

My lovely ladies, working together, admiring and respecting one another, and supporting each other. I'm THERE for this.

Leia Organa & Luke Skywalker & Han Solo
For this one, what I really want is snarky, teamy goodness sometime between Yavin and Hoth. Early days. Luke can't even telekinetic well.

I prefer canon-adherent stories (and I default to FILMED canon as my preference for my own consumption). I'm not interested in smut for this trio.

I've suggested this one entirely because THESE story ideas CALL to me:

1. I'd love to see these three, escaped from near ruinous capture by some Imperial something and chained or cuffed together and running for their lives....and ALL THREE furious at the others for messing things up. Bonus points for hurt/comfort because at least one *cough*Leia*cough* (if not all three) is/are injured and hiding it from the others.

2. I'd really love an early mission--maybe setting up base just after the evacuation of Yavin?--where they learn things that the others know how to do that they've never thought of; early days, when they just don't KNOW each other, even though they're bound together by trauma and loss and the adrenaline of fighting together. EVERYTHING is new for Luke. Everything is bittersweet for Leia. EVERYTHING is, "Why the hell am I even HERE?" for Han, who doesn't WANT to care about these people as much as he already does. How does that dynamic work as they settle into this forged-in-battle pattern?

Bonus points for inclusion of:
-Undertones and highlights that include aftermath of torture/trauma and/or acknowledgement of the MASSIVE losses that Luke & Leia experienced in that one 24 hour period where they both lost EVERYTHING...and met each other.
-Leia inadvertently using the Force but everyone either not noticing or just shrugging it off as "that's a bit odd...whatever..."
-Luke trying to use the Force and finding that it doesn't work as he *expected*...but that it still helps.

This entry was cross-posted at https://amilyn.dreamwidth.org/848314.html.

Natalie Lambert

amilyn — Thu, 31 Jan 2019 06:21:04 GMT

Once Upon A Time...

There was a series of murder mystery shows that ran on CBS Late Night as "Crime Time After Prime Time." Back then, David Letterman was on NBC, after Leno. Back then, scripted television was everywhere.

Well, everywhere on network television, some cable networks, and in syndication. Mostly on network television with a small syndi market. Cable was still finding its footing with New Stuff that wasn't Showing Movies or dipping toes into reality TV (MTV was, for example, still showing music videos).

Back then, there were no streaming things because even still images broke your bandwidth with one image attached to an email. Hell, sometimes an email where the text was too long broke your bandwidth.

In these days, the internet was young, and the AOL Gateway hadn't broadened access to those outside of the government, military, and university settings. In these days, having a 2400 baud modem was "fast" when you dialed up on your phone line to send a batch of emails and pull down your new emails to read once you'd logged off.

Crime Time After Prime Time added a series in the spring of 1992.

It was a first.

It was the first Canadian cop show on a main US Network. PLENTY of shows were shot in Canada, but this one was FILMED in Toronto AND SET in Toronto. It actually SHOWED OFF the city where it was filmed. Most of the main characters were played by Canadians--most of whom had noticeable Canadian accents (or, in the main character's case, Welsh-Canadian). In fact, two of the actors playing main characters were born in the UK...long before the MAJOR British and Australian TV invasion of the mid aughts.

It was the first TV series to feature a vampire cop, trying to earn redemption (it re-made the TV movie that was one by the same writer/producer years before).

It was quite possibly the first show to be brought back for a second season over 18 months after its (first) cancellation at the end of Season 1. Over 18 months after the sets had been struck.

It was one of the first shows to go from a major network to straight syndication.

It was one of the first shows to go from straight syndication to being a first-run-on-cable series. (That was after it was cancelled following Season 2 and resurrected again...perhaps another first.)

It was one of the very first shows to bridge from offline fandom to online fandom (nearly concurrent with Highlander: The Series).

It was one of the first shows with a "Save Our Show" campaign that garnered attention by focusing on raising money for charity (in this case Pediatric AIDS). The fund-raising and specifically using Western Union to donate resulted in random Western Union operators saying, "Oh! You're one of those people calling for this thing!" I explained the premise to the curious and interested Western Union operator I talked to.

It was one of the first to involve mailing STUFF to the producers to get their attention (this was before bottles of Tabasco sauce, peanuts, bras for Bonnie Hammer...), although ours was sending children's toys (balloons, bubbles, superballs, water pistols, super soakers...) to the set to cheer up the crew when we KNEW S3 was going to be the end (there was...some hope? But we knew). The Executive Producer (I think it was Barney Cohen) got a message through to the mailing list saying that everyone was deeply touched and thanking us...but begging us to stop because, "We can't get any work done!"

It is the only show I know of where fans went to NATPE (National Association of Television Program Executives) to promote the series to syndicators for renewal.

The show has not aged well: it looks melodramatic and over-the-top and derivative. But it was the first TV series to use weird, steep angles with tilted cameras, dark lighting and dim ambience, moody and gothy characters who were often nihilistic (or, at the very least, self-pitying). It matters that it was first in a long line of things that now make it seem so derivative because, despite it being small and little-known, it was influential.

I still miss Natalie Lambert, Coroner to the Undead. I finally have my Natalie Mood Set back; it got broken on LJ when LJ borked ALL the image address links years ago.

So...here is my return to my love for this character, nearly 27 years after I first met her back when I was student teaching in the spring of 1992, when Forever Knight got the Tuesday night spot at 10:35 pm Central time on the Crime Time After Prime Time series (Thursday's entry was the glossy soft-core porn Silk Stalkings set in Palm Springs FL...others were Dangerous Curves, Blind Justice, and Sweating Bullets).

Enjoy my mood set with my pretty pictures of my lovely Natalie from my delightful, dated, Canadian, Vampire-Cop show. I miss her.

This entry was cross-posted at https://amilyn.dreamwidth.org/847682.html.

Cold Days are for Cooking

amilyn — Thu, 31 Jan 2019 01:01:48 GMT

Chicago is closed down. Public schools, universities...so we are here, at home. Days with severe inclement weather say to me: "Cook! Cook all the things!"

I made a scramble this morning with onion, mushrooms, spinach, and cheese. It was AWESOME!

I also made brownies, which, given that we were lacking milk (**sob**) we ate over vanilla ice cream. The brownies were better just as brownies. I'm very excited to have more now that Husband, who had to go to work, is home with more milk.

These brownies are from a recipe "The Best Fudgy Brownies" by Tasty which I've found easy to customize. I always am generous with the vanilla and cocoa powder. I always add 1/4 tsp coffee extract and 1/4 tsp pure almond extract. I also like ground nuts. Last time I used moist, ground pecans. This time I used almonds. Both are good. I like the little crunch the almonds add. This recipe is awesome.

There is also an ENORMOUS pot of bean stew with spinach. (Photos to come once it has cooked.)

Dinner is also in progress: chicken marinated in spices, roasted garlic whole wheat couscous, and roasted asparagus. MMmmmm.

This entry was cross-posted at https://amilyn.dreamwidth.org/847467.html.

Wherein it is FUCKING cold

amilyn — Wed, 30 Jan 2019 18:00:33 GMT

So...the air temp at 10:30 am is -18F. The wind chill is -42F.

Our heater is keeping up without even running entirely constantly. I can feel that it is cold outside, but we are SO SO fortunate with our 50s-construction, brick-exterior, 12-15-inch-thick exterior walls are holding up to keep us warm.

The ONLY thing that could get me to leave the house (as in "go onto the porch") today is the idea of flinging a bowl of water into the air to watch it rain down as insta-frozen snow.

This entry was cross-posted at https://amilyn.dreamwidth.org/847152.html.

Seven Bean Soup with Spinach

amilyn — Sat, 26 Jan 2019 21:47:36 GMT

Seven Bean Soup with Spinach

1 1/2 Tbsp olive oil
2 c yellow onion, diced
2 c celery, diced
1/3 c garlic, minced
1 1/2 tsp rubbed sage
1 1/2 tsp thyme
3/4 tsp celery seed
1/2 tsp cayenne pepper
1 Tbsp ground black pepper
1 c black beans, dried
1 c red kidney beans, dried
1 c lentils, dried
1/3 c green split peas, dried
1/3 c lima beans, large, dried
1/3 c pinto beans, dried
1/3 c garbanzo beans, dried
1/3 c navy beans, dried
1-2 gallon water
1/8 to 1/4 c salt
24 oz fresh baby spinach

Saute onions and celery in olive oil till soft and translucent. Add garlic. Stir.
Add spices (except salt). Stir.
Rinse beans. Add, stir. Add water (till beans are covered by at least 2" of water). Bring to a boil. Allow to boil at a hard boil for 5-10 minutes. Turn down to lowest setting and cover. Let stand, keeping on low heat, for 6-12 hours, stirring occasionally; alternately, turn up to a low simmer. Cook until beans are desired consistence.
Stir. Add salt to taste. Add spinach in batches as it cooks down. Stir well after each large addition of spinach. Cook with spinach for 5-10 minutes.

I'm hoping this "Nutrition Label" from VeryWellFit, where I said "20 servings," is about accurate.

This entry was cross-posted at https://amilyn.dreamwidth.org/846612.html.

In which it is cold

amilyn — Fri, 25 Jan 2019 21:59:49 GMT

It is cold.

When we left the house this morning it was, I think, -2F (-19C). I think the warmest it got today was 6 or 7F (-14C). I work downtown, near the Lake. It's warmer here than out west of the city.

Our area has a wind chill advisory. Because, well, yeah.

erinosse, I would like to go on the record showing you how I dressed today because it is cold.

I wore jeans and a short-sleeved shirt. Over that, I wore a long, heavy cotton-knit skirt and a long-sleeved cardigan (buttoned). Over that I wore two scarves, one around my neck and one wrapped around my head and held in place by a double-thickness, hand-knitted woolen hat. Over that I wore a long-sleeved, heavy denim jacket (buttoned). Over that I wore my woolen coat with thick gloves. I also wore thick socks and my good tennis shoes.

I am still at my desk by the wall where the windows are. I am wearing the jeans, skirt, cardigan, and one scarf (looped around my neck).

My toes are cold.

This entry was cross-posted at https://amilyn.dreamwidth.org/846549.html.

Signal boost: Student Research

amilyn — Fri, 25 Jan 2019 17:44:26 GMT

Dear Chicagoland friends,

Students at my school are doing valuable research for a full-year research project for an AP Research class. One is researching the connection between religion/religious practice and political views/activity. She is looking for adult participants from the CHICAGO adults of voting age.

It is a VERY short survey. If you would be willing to fill it out (only identifying information is an email address to prevent duplication of participation), the poll on religion's effect on political views is here.

Please pass this on anywhere you think people might participate!

Thanks!
Ami This entry was cross-posted at https://amilyn.dreamwidth.org/846158.html.

Icons

amilyn — Mon, 21 Jan 2019 06:55:11 GMT

I finally paid for a DW account and have uploaded over 120 icons.

I went through my travel photos, chose about 14, and then resized and compressed them. I got oldtoadwoman to add the words, use the .gif creator, and make this icon. I really love it. Toad is the best.

I've also got most of my old icons here (some I just don't need and won't use).

Now what I want is to get my Natalie mood set uploaded. I wonder if that's even a thing at DW. This entry was cross-posted at https://amilyn.dreamwidth.org/845996.html.

Nathan Phillips, Omaha Elder vs. white supremacy and toxic masculinity

amilyn — Sun, 20 Jan 2019 19:25:16 GMT

This story is not about me.

But, peripherally, it touches my experiences in ways that have been, for me, incredibly unsettling.

My FB is my space, and while I have endeavoured to keep the focus, as much as I can, on Nathan Phillips and his calm in the face of provocation, on his expression of STILL BEING in the face of the descendents of those who slaughtered his people and millions of other peoples, there are things I need to say for me in addition to that.

I have been just as guilty as anyone of dismissing these boys as products of Kentucky, of The South.

But I also want to show maps. Covington Catholic, which is just outside Covington, KY, is latitudinally NORTH (based on latitude) of St. Louis, Missouri. It's a mile from Cincinnati OH. These are not Southern Strongholds.  My own bias that The South holds a corner on vicious racism, anti-Semitism, and sexism is exaggerated.  Based on my experiences, I don't believe my perception is utterly wrong, but I know it is exaggerated.

I live in Chicago.  I've never had an address that was not in the state of Illinois.  But Illinois is longer than most know.  I grew up 2 hours south of St. Louis, only 45 min from the nearest parts of KY (closer as the crow flies). But parts of Kentucky, including Louisville, including Covington, are significantly north of where I grew up.  And the southern mentality ascribed to Kentucky (by me and popular assumption) was just as strong in the southern third of Illinois.

My near-south/mid-south upbringing exposed me to toxic male cruelty and indifference. These boys, their stances, their faces, their expressions...they look like the kids I went to school with 40 years ago. This teen's smirk just CREEPS me out beyond what I can express. It makes my skin crawl. And for good reason: these are the people I grew up with.  These are the kinds of people who hurt me, often.  These are the kinds of behaviors still passing for "boys will be boys" in the town where I no longer live.

It's not that nothing has changed.  Things are better in many ways and in many places.  I moved to an urban area much farther north.  However, *where* things haven't changed...they SO haven't changed. And where those changes haven't advanced as much as they have in cities, the pressure from the areas that are doing better by women, by people of color, that pressure makes this pushback from those still mired in their sense of entitlement and supremacy even more desperate. And desperate people were scary and dangerous from the pressures they felt in the 70s and 80s. 

That kid's face...it made me *shiver* in place.  I am afraid of people who smirk like that.

Nathan Phillips is a hero to me, for standing between black men these boys were targeting, for offering up healing to unwilling and uninterested kids because it was right, for proving his survival and presence calmly and with love in the face of an overt threat.  His healing did not seem to touch these boys (at least, not yet...I do have some hope).  But his healing touched me, and his bravery gives me a droplet more courage of my own.

This entry was cross-posted at https://amilyn.dreamwidth.org/845703.html.

Dear Yulegoat!

amilyn — Sun, 04 Nov 2018 18:23:33 GMT

Dear Yulegoat!

I am made of fail. I truly love all my requests equally. I just didn't get my updates made to my letter till today. I'm SO sorry for the delay. I've been SO crazy-busy-stressed.

Please forgive me for the delay...and here is the updated letter with all the details: https://amilyn.dreamwidth.org/845235.html. I hope I didn't much up your schedule.

Have fun...I hope you have SO MUCH FUN! This entry was cross-posted at https://amilyn.dreamwidth.org/845460.html.

Dear Yulegoat2018!

amilyn — Fri, 12 Oct 2018 03:01:14 GMT

Dear Yulegoat!

I'm SO sorry for how long this took.

I HONESTLY love them all! Really! I'm so sorry there is more information on the one than the others; I've just been crazy-busy and didn't get back to my sign-up in time.

The short summary of What I Love goes as follows: Badass Ladies Having Canon Compliant Adventures. I LOVE work that fits tidily into canon. I LOVE my ladies. I LOVE them having badass adventures. I LOVE hurt/comfort and fear and women saving themselves (and, sometimes, the world). I truly am a Canon-Based Life Form. I don't HATE AUs (though I do hate the "coffee shop AU" type of AU), but I mainly enjoy "What If" types of AUs where it's "What if this one thing were different..."

Request 1 by Amilyn
Fandom: Early Edition
Toni Brigatti Marissa Clark
PLEASE ignore the Air Crash Investigation thing; that was aimed at ONE person (who wrote it for me last year).
I don't need to have BOTH Marissa and Toni; I just want at least one of them foregrounded. I also love Cat. I'm happy to have Gary strongly in the story too, but I really want it all about my ladies.
Basically....these women being awesome. Marissa and Toni teaming up! Brigatti and Gary (snowed into a cabin, perhaps...)! Marissa and blind adventures! The women handling things when Gary can't. Toni knowing or not knowing about the paper. Hijinks. Toni and Gary together...or not *yet* together. Toni/Gary OTP. Marissa's skills and abilities being remembered. Marissa getting out of the bar to do things. Cat and Toni coming to a detente. Toni covering for Gary and taking heat from Winston. Toni and Miguel meeting and realizing they both find Gary a likeable oddball who has...something going on...and comparing notes. A Day In The Life of Team!Gary's!Paper. Toni and Marissa going undercover as a couple. So many options...and a magical newspaper brought by a cat.

Request 2 by Amilyn
Fandom: Sarah Jane Adventures
Sarah Jane Smith
It was always about Sarah Jane. In Doctor Who, in the audios, in SJA. I love my Sarah...in every iteration and every time. I admit, I'm not too invested or interested in Sky; I never got attached. I enjoy the other kids (though I love Sarah's interactions with Clyde most of all). That said...my FAVORITE SJA Sarah is in "Invasion of the Bane." She's still prickly, brittle, CLEVER--oh SO clever, and goes, fully calculating, toe-to-toe with an opponent. I LOVE Sarah, finally, oh-so-late in the game, meeting Jo Grant and other former companions. I'm fascinated that they never found one another until so LONG after they'd been dropped off. I DO feel we were cheated of the chance (in fanfic--I never expected it from the series) for Rose to call up Sarah once she was no longer travelling with the Doctor. I'd love to see a Tea with Former Travellers with the Doctor Group for those living in the 21st century in the UK. But I love FAR more Action!Sarah. She still running, after all these years. Still poking her nose in where it doesn't belong. Still standing up to dangerous aliens and helping the lost ones get home. I LOVE that she's the rescuer of wayward aliens, sort of like an old cat lady, but for aliens. I love that she's seen as the Crazy Old Lady of Bannerman Road...and how she, like the Doctor, keeps her distance because it's Not Safe for the others, the ones who don't have that kind of courage and fearlessness and foolishness and willingness to ask the right questions...she keeps them away unless they're particularly persistent. I love Sarah. As long as Sarah is the focus, I'll love it, no matter who else you bring on board (from the audios, DW, TW, ...no matter what). I also LIVE for tropes, though with Sarah, a straightforward adventure is aces. Literally...give me Sarah, flawed and prickly and nosy and clever and stubborn and brave and terrified and fighting for what she believes in and rashly running in with barely a plan...I love her.

Request 3 by Amilyn
Fandom: Cagney and Lacey
Mary Beth Lacey
I love Mary Beth. As a teenager, Christine was my favorite. As an adult, now that I have kids, I relate more to Mary Beth. I love how she juggles--and tries to juggle--all these things that matter to her...marriage, motherhood, profession. I am a sucker for hurt-comfort, tropes, hostage situations. A couple of my favorite scenes/episodes, are Mary Beth in "Heat" in the train yard being held hostage and how everyone tries to manage all the things, what a GREAT cop she is, keeping the pressure on this dangerous man the whole time. Mary Beth and Christine in a bank hostage situation would be lovely. I love Mary Beth and Christine going out and drinking together...that one scene of them leaving their responsibilities behind and bonding...so good. Hell...it would be fun to see them, in a later Menopause-Years kind of setting, having to play a couple undercover. I love the shootout in the series finale. I love these two and their interactions...the ways their values and backgrounds clash...and the way they mesh. I love Mary Beth as a mother. I love her as a cop. I love her as a friend. I love everything about her. (And I love the others, too...feel free to include ANYONE, so long as Mary Beth is the focus.

This entry was cross-posted at https://amilyn.dreamwidth.org/845235.html.

Farewells: Obituary, Helmut Liedloff

amilyn — Wed, 20 Jun 2018 01:36:31 GMT

This man made the life I live possible. I received his obituary, clipped from the newspaper, in the mail from my mom. It's melancholy, and I've been quietly a bit sad today.

In my junior year of high school, Ila Adhikari asked me if I wanted to carpool to the PSAT. It was only because of her that I TOOK that test, that I knew there were entrance requirements for college.

In my senior year of high school, David Mendriski, my German and Latin teacher, nominated me for the Helmut and Mary Liedloff Scholarship for German. I was awarded a 4-year full-tuition scholarship to SIU-C, where I studied German and English, AND received additional monies from my PSAT scores.

Dr. Liedloff was one of my professors, one of my mentors, and he was my benefactor. His generosity, his textbooks, his teaching, his energy...they all made my achievements in college foundationally possible. I hope he was still able to read the postcard I sent him from Germany last November.

One of my few regrets in my life is that I was unprepared for his class on November 10, 1989, and I skipped class. He suspended the regular plan to talk about the fall of the Berlin Wall, about which I'd not even yet heard. I could have heard his perspective on that event...a division that happened in his living memory, and that none of us expected to come to an end in our lifetimes.

He lived a good, long, full life. I'm honored to have known him, and I'm forever grateful for the education he made financially possible for me, for all I learned from him studying from textbooks he wrote and then teaching from them, and for all he taught me in his classes.

I tell his stories regularly. May he live on through them. Fair skies, sir.

This entry was cross-posted at https://amilyn.dreamwidth.org/843661.html.

AP Reading, Part the Last

amilyn — Mon, 18 Jun 2018 17:16:01 GMT

I got home last night at 12:30. It was a smooooth, nice drive. I'm so glad I slept (for as much as I got to sleep) at home.

At the end of the Reading, I had scored 1050 booklets (NOT all of those had essays; many were blank). I had a GREAT table, a GREAT table leader, and a really REALLY nice time.

And I SLEPT. In tonight's forecast: more sleep to come. Incidentally, it is FRELLING hot here.

This morning, I drove the kids to school then come to the uni to do work. I have done SO MANY little things this morning! The beauty of caffeine....

Graded the last stragglers that arrived after I started the Reading. Put in those grades.

Contacted admin about a student who's going to probably complain about their grade.

Posted grades for dual credit senior classes.

Replied to emails.

Set up an appointment for my kid.

Applied for a bunch of little scholarships a search engine found for me.

Set up the calendar with all the stuff for my summer classes for the week.

Now to go meet Elf for traffic court. ....And write postcards!

And then to my first summer class, then to do my homework for TOMORROW's summer class!!

Wheeeee!!!

I'm so happy. So content. :-)

This entry was cross-posted at https://amilyn.dreamwidth.org/843236.html.

Spring, Family, General

amilyn — Thu, 24 May 2018 02:08:30 GMT

Today was the first day it has FELT like spring to me.

I've watched spring slowly open up in lawns and flowers and tree leaves and everyone's allergies and sniffles.

But today was breezy and sunny and not HOT, but not CHILLY.

Husband taught me how to service my bike (now I've got to make a checklist because I'll NEVER remember the steps a YEAR from now) and I took it for a spin...and I felt so FREE.  I forget how much I LOVE biking when I'm not biking.  So...biking!  After tomorrow, I'll be able to bike the lakefront every day!

We sat out on the front stoop and looked at my weed jungle, brought Tailsworth out in a harness so she could investigate the jungle and sniff the bird and squirrel scent, and Elf threw the helicopters that went from Spring!Green! last week to brown in the past two days on the maple tree out front.  Tailsworth tried swatting at a few of them.

We brushed out the dog (who got bathed last week!!!) and produced at LEAST a 6-month-old puppy's worth of fur, AND she got her nails trimmed and a little walk down the sidewalk.

And, as of about 1:49 am this morning, I have TWO sixteen-year-old offspring.

My. Children. Are. Sixteeen.

BOTH OF THEM.

SIXTEEN.

I just can't.

This entry was cross-posted at https://amilyn.dreamwidth.org/841983.html.

December and fandom

amilyn — Thu, 28 Dec 2017 00:11:58 GMT

I have been lax about posting here.

This December has been awesome.

Star Wars came out. I love it. And, although it's our last scenes with Carrie Fisher playing Leia...they were OH, so good. I am content.

The last episode of Doctor Who with Peter Capaldi aired. It was a LOVELY farewell to so many things I've loved from this era...Moffat's writing, Capaldis' Doctor, Bill, a kind of storytelling and sense of history I adore, kisses with history. Yeah. Again, I am content.

The story I wrote for Yuletide has been well-received, and I am CHUFFED to bits; I thought no one would read it other than a few friends and the recipient; it's...an odd piece.

The story I GOT for Yuletide from my wonderful writer is...a THING OF BEAUTY. It is a wonderful love letter...to fandom, to Early Edition, to fanfic, to our combined efforts to keep alive stories we hold dear. ....And then it's a great story on TOP of that! I mean...Toni and Gary...an AU that lets us see them doing new stuff...it's JOYFUL. Pilot Project. DO read it!

THEN there is a story that oldtoadwoman wrote for me for Christmas! It's also Early Edition...but is a crossover with The Dead Zone, AND it's a love letter to Chicago, to the oddness and wonderful eccentricities of our city...and it has the BEST narrative style. I LOVE it. The Storm Comes on Little Cat Feet. You don't need to know the shows to enjoy it. Truly.

In RL, my Husband won Christmas and got SWORDS for our children. I got to go to Germany last month for Christmas, so that was FANTASTIC. This entry was cross-posted at https://amilyn.dreamwidth.org/841483.html.

Dear Yulegoat2017!

amilyn — Sun, 08 Oct 2017 04:32:43 GMT

Dear Yulegoat!

I'm so excited that we love the same things.

I love stories about women, from women's points of view, highlighting and centering on women. My requests are largely based around wanting to see more of these awesome women doing awesome things.

Ultimately, I am boring. I request the same thing year after year after year. This is NOT because I Haven't Gotten That Right Story. I have. Over and Over. And they are JOYFUL and WONDROUS and I LOVE them. And it's that same thing I crave more of.

I am a canon-based life form; I love canon compliant fic. This year I've requested some AUs, but I still typically like for the AUs to stay within the characters from the source, to stick with the original text's elements and details, and then build/modify from there.

Some theme/story elements I particularly enjoy: emotionally complex relationships between difficult/different people, found family, identity issues, grief and coping with loss, positioning oneself with regard to conflict with family, and snarky dialogue.

I love short fic, vignettes, casefic, just-like-an-episode fic, episode tie-ins.

Do Not Wants: AUs of the "What if they were all high school students/baristas/circus performers/etc?" variety, A/B/O or other "soulmate" tropes, supernatural stuff in canons where supernatural stuff is not canon, and PWPs.

My all-time favorite tropes, were you to feel so inclined: Pretending to be Married in the Suburbs, Cuffed/Chained Together and Running for their Lives, Hostage Situation, Couple's Retreat, Snowed In With A Crisis (think "Darkness Falls" in XF rather than PWP), Presumed Dead, Groundhog Day (where applicable)

I threw prompt ideas into my optional details, and you may play with those if they strike your fancy.

Also feel free to ask me anonymous questions here; I'm rubbish at ISP tracking and will never figure out who you are.

Thank you again for writing for me. I'm so excited to see the love letter you write to one of our shared favorites!

I neglected to put my prompts here.

Fandom: Early Edition
Gary Hobson Toni Brigatti Marissa Clark

These women being awesome. The women handling things when Gary can't. Toni knowing or not knowing about the paper. Hijinks. Toni and Gary together...or not yet together. Toni/Gary OTP. Marissa's skills and abilities being remembered. Marissa getting out of the bar to do things. AU Toni and Gary as NTSB Air Crash Investigators. Noir-AU Toni as a hard-boiled detective and Gary as her main suspect AND her odd client. Cat and Toni coming to a detente. Toni covering for Gary and taking heat from Winston. Toni and Miguel meeting and realizing they both find Gary a likeable oddball who has...something going on...and comparing notes. A Day In The Life of Team!Gary's!Paper. So many options...and a magical newspaper brought by a cat.

Fandom: Anna to the Infinite Power - Mildred Ames
Anna Hart (Anna to the Infinite Power - Mildred Ames)

What happens when Anna finds out about what happened to the other Annas?
Who was Michaela, and how does Anna find out (or how do Anna and Rowan find out together)?
What parts of Anna Zimmerman does grown-up Eve become after all?

Fandom: Frankenstein - Mary Shelley
Frankenstein's Creature (Frankenstein - Mary Shelley) Elizabeth Lavenza (Frankenstein - Mary Shelley)

AU where Elizabeth and the Creature discuss life, the universe, and everything.
AU where Elizabeth and the Creature realize together that Victor really is just a childish, sophomoric, moron college kid and compare notes on how useless and selfish Victor is.
Elizabeth and the Creature connect over trying to help Victor grow up.

This entry was cross-posted at https://amilyn.dreamwidth.org/841033.html.

YULETIDE!!!

amilyn — Sun, 25 Dec 2016 18:41:58 GMT

I am WELL pleased with the fic I wrote this year, and my betas and friends who read over it for me have told me it is excellent work, and I agree. YAY! I LOVE having people who will really EDIT with and for me.

Then. THEN! I got Cagney and Lacey fic! It's got beautiful imagery and structure, nails BOTH ladies' mannerisms and voices PERFECTLY. It's Chris's POV, so it's got all the reflection and then pushing aside of any emotional reflection to avoid addressing it...it's SO good.

If you ever watched, or ever loved, or ever enjoyed this show, GO READ this.

"Examination of Conscience," by Anonymous Yulegoat for ME!
Cagney and Lacey
Christine Cagney, Mary Beth Lacey
light on plot, heavy on character study, beautiful use of language, thoughtful and knowledgeable approach to religious reflection, lovely side character notes, fantastic detail work throughout.
Does a wonderful job reflective, abrupt, grumpy, avoidant, in-your-face, sensitive, repressed Christine.

Definitely read.

Feeling better and just happy

amilyn — Sat, 08 Oct 2016 17:44:11 GMT

Do you know what I'm LOVING?

I. Feel. Good.

I felt like crap yesterday...everything ached, I had a headache, my neck just HURT...and I was so so tired.

Today, after, like, 16? hours of sleep on a heating pad? My neck is relaxed, my headache is gone, my body is relaxed, and, as has been the case for a couple of days, breathing is easy. I can speak in my normal voice, at typical volumes, even loudly if I want/need to...and I don't pay for doing so. I'm so SO grateful for prednisone and Advair and zomig (migraine pills) and ACCESS TO HEALTHCARE. So grateful.

My tea this morning was perfect. There is raspberry cream cheese coffee cake in the house that I got to have with tea. I have pita and bananas to use to make Masoob. My kids are happy and awesome. The weather and air are cool. It's autumn. It's a lovely, LOVELY day, in my favorite month, in my favorite time of year.

Dear Yulegoat!

amilyn — Sun, 02 Oct 2016 01:25:17 GMT

Dear Yulegoat,

I am boring. I request the same thing year after year after year. This is NOT because I Haven't Gotten That Right Story. I have. Over and Over. And they are JOYFUL and WONDROUS and I LOVE them. And it's that same thing I crave more of.

Thank you for writing for me! I love all three of these sources, and although I've babbled at greater length about one, that doesn't mean I wouldn't equally love a story for one of the others. I am a canon-based life form; I love canon compliant fic. I prefer stories that focus on female characters and/or are told from a female character's POV. I've got more of my love for and images of these lovelies at my Tumblr.

Some theme/story elements I particularly enjoy: emotionally complex relationships between difficult/different people, found family, identity issues, grief and coping with loss, positioning oneself with regard to conflict with family, and snarky dialogue.

I love short fic, vignettes, casefic, just-like-an-episode fic, episode tie-ins.

Do Not Wants: AUs of the "What if they were all high school students/baristas/circus performers/etc?" variety, A/B/O or other "soulmate" tropes, supernatural stuff in canons where supernatural stuff is not canon, and PWPs.

My all-time favorite tropes, were you to feel so inclined: Pretending to be Married in the Suburbs, Cuffed/Chained Together and Running for their Lives, Hostage Situation, Couple's Retreat, Snowed In With A Crisis (think "Darkness Falls" in XF rather than PWP), Presumed Dead, Groundhog Day (where applicable...like...not Cagney & Lacey)....

Birds of Prey (Comic)
Barbara Gordon!Barbara Gordon!

**Most of all what I love about Barbara Gordon is her resourcefulness, and her determination, and her all-out CUSSEDNESS. I like that she WILL DO anything she puts her (considerably awesome) mind to, no matter how "hard" or even "impossible" it is. THAT is what I would love to see, first and foremost. (So if you do "presumed dead"...please have her presuming...not The Presumed.)**

I really am most interested in the BoP era rather than after this most recent reboot.

Optional Details: There are so many things I'd enjoy...here are some ideas from which you can choose if you'd like, or that might spark another idea for you:

I'd love to see Barbara being the one on the ground for an op, having to rely on someone else to have all the intel. But anything with Barbara as the focus and saving the day--preferably getting out of the Clock Tower to do it--would be great.

I'm ALL ABOUT the Wheelchair Adventures: NOTHING stops Barbara; I LOVE seeing her out in the field....I mean, this is a woman who PARACHUTED into a JUNGLE in her wheelchair. I love that she is smart and capable and has a way to make things work where she needs to.

I love her stubbornness...I love that she cares SO deeply...and is SO independent...that even though everyone's safety is primary to her, she's reluctant to let anyone else help or to ask anyone...it's a huge flaw, and one that is interesting to explore.

And the trauma of the attack...that is interesting as well, since she copes...but much of her coping is HIDING, so she doesn't have a lot of opportunities to face things and desensitize more.

Any other characters are welcome as desired or needed; interaction is delightful, always.

Cagney and Lacey

Christine Cagney, Mary Beth Lacey

I've binge-watched this entire show last summer and fall and...I'm just in love. I love these two. I love their dynamic. I love their loyalty. I love how they work together. I love how they fight, how they make up...I even love the reunion movies. I love that they surprise me. I love that Christine's reactions just...I can't predict if she'll laugh or yell or get quiet or turn on a dime or which way she'll turn. I love the moments when Mary Beth just dissolves into giggles *just* as things were getting really heavy and, instead of getting more angry, she sees the absurdity of it and the tension just dissolves with the laughter...and I love when she manages to carry Chris along with her that way. I love the characters at the precinct. I love Petrie, I love Samuels, I love Coleman. I love their home lives: I love Christine's relationship with Charlie; I love Harvey, I love Michael (Harve, Jr. actually gets on my nerves, and Alice is mostly a non-entity).

I love Mary Beth and her doggedness and the way that she is entirely ethical and her commitment to fairness and how her family is her religion. I love her relationship with Harvey. I love how she loves her kids. I love that she is flawed and, as Tyne Daly commented in an interview, is a better mom to Michael to Harvey, Jr. because she's human and imperfect (TD also commented that Harvey is the love of Mary Beth's life because he "made her not an orphan anymore"). I love her pragmatism, her compassion, her willingness to question her own motives.

I love how flawed Christine is. I love that she barks and stomps and acts and speaks long before she thinks and says exactly what she means...but is still, under all the crusty, in-charge, independent Cop Attitude, she's still a little girl, wanting approval. I think it's fascinating to see her mask slip, to see her go all soft-spoken Please Love Me with men. I find her admission to Dory in "Insubordination" that she can't quite relax or connect with someone without the chemical effects of sex to be an interesting self-reflection about how distant she keeps her feelings even from herself.

I love the way that Mary Beth has daddy issues and Christine has mommy issues...and neither can see why the other feels how she does about the gender parent who was their own favorite differently...Christine never stops trying to get Mary Beth to be excited to have her father back. Mary Beth never understands Christine's absolute devotion to Charlie.

I love how both of them cannot tolerate feeling helpless or being seen when too vulnerable:

-in "Heat" when Christine first gets to Mary Beth after the hostage-taker is neutralized and Mary Beth's first comment is, "Don't look at me."

-Christine's anger at Stokes in "Stress" and how he has no right to invade her life and make her afraid, how that same theme returns when she tells Mary Beth in "Don't I Know You" that she has to learn to feel safe in her own home again

-I was actually surprised they didn't revisit that theme further in "The Gimp" when Chris talks about how people looked right through her when she was using the wheelchair, but didn't talk about the vulnerability of having strangers lift her in and out of the chair...that was something I was curious about.

I'd love casefic. I'd love a character study. I'd love hurt/comfort, gritty stories, grappling with ethics, them struggling with their differing ideologies, good dialogue, a good stake-out...almost anything! I'm interested in Chris and Mary Beth as friends and partners...at any age, at any stage of their interaction, older, during the show...just about anything (except slash for them...not my ship here, though I could imagine it when they're both much, much older, perhaps).

Any other characters are welcome as desired or needed; interaction is delightful, always.

Early Edition

Toni Brigatti, Marissa Clark

Optional Details: I'd most love to see the ladies solve the problems of the day...if Gary weren't available and Marissa and Brigatti had to deal with the paper, that would be fun.

If Gary's in the story too...or if it's a Gary&Toni story, that's also entirely fine.

I also love to read typical 80s story dice/trope plots (pretending to be married in the suburbs OR The Hostage Situation OR handcuffed-together-and-running-for-their-lives).

Gary's parents are always fun. Up to you if it's set when Brigatti does or doesn't know about the paper. Brigatti finding out is always fun. I just love seeing competent women solve weird problems that are confusing, but, well, they're competent and they can do it.

Even though I don't have as much babbling to do about this one, I really do love this show, and I adore both Toni and Marissa...and I love Gary's interactions with both of them. And Cat. I love Cat.

Any characters are welcome as desired or needed; interaction is delightful, always.

Good Eats Good News

amilyn — Sun, 25 Sep 2016 15:11:54 GMT

In July, I went down to Carbondale to be with Jenn for a few days. She and her daughter and I went to the new middle eastern restaurant in town and my FAVORITE was the dessert: Masoub. It's also called Masoob or Malikia. I looked up a few recipes and then kit-bashed them to better fit what we had had. This is how I am doing it:

Masoub/Malikia

3-4 somewhat overripe bananas, sliced into 1-inch thick disks
8 whole wheat pita (or other flatbread or dried out wheat bread or equivalent amount of hard wheat bread), diced into cubes of 1-2 cm
3-6 tsp butter
1/4-1/2 c dried dates (optional)
1/4-1/2 c honey
1 pint heavy cream
qishta/clotted cream/white pastry cream (also sold as "Puck Cream" which is a brand)
slivered almonds for garnish (optional...I've not used these, but it looks lovely and yummy)

Melt butter in large skillet. Place banana slices in butter on high heat, carmelize, turn over, carmelize the other side.

Add cubed bread and dried dates, stir. Drizzle honey over the whole thing in a checkerboard pattern (to taste...if you like it sweet, add more, if you like it medium sweet, be more cautious). Stir.

Add heavy cream, stir. Allow to cook down until cream is absorbed and cooked away. Turn to brown bread evenly. Not all will be browned, but having some browned gives it a nice combination of textures.

Spoon masoub into individual bowls. These may be stored, covered, in the fridge for several days. Add qishta when you are going to eat it. I prefer the masoub warm with room temperature or cold qishta for contrast.

If you can't find qishta, you can make it like you would make white pastry cream (something I had never heard of), or you can just pour heavy cream over the masoub (which isn't as good, but which is quite nice if it's what you've got).

This is great as a breakfast, with tea, as a dessert... MMmmm.

Why we teach!

amilyn — Fri, 01 Apr 2016 01:11:35 GMT

I had a student from TEN YEARS ago write me the following last night:

"I was in the process of writing you a very detailed message about how your awesome teaching influenced--and continues to influence me today. It was lost because of my crappy phone.

"I wrote a Genre Analysis piece on Beyonce's "Formation". It was the most radical thing that I've ever written in an academic setting. I remembered when you told my dad that I had a lot of work that I wouldn't let people read. It made me think about how I tend to not let people read my work.

"My professor suggested that I enter the piece into a contest for Writing, Rhetoric, and Discourse at DePaul.

"The courage to do that (because every one who writes feels scared at some point) came from my memory of you talking to my dad.

"It's weird. I've always been told that I write well. However, all of that writing has been within very constricted parameters. I took a serious chance with the paper that I spoke of. It was supposed to be a genre analysis. I turned it into an analysis of genre that ventured into power dynamics, race, and mainstream media. My professor was definitely concerned about my choice (it took the assignment to the brink of what my professor actually wanted) but I followed through with it. I frantically waited for the grade. Then, I got an email from the professor stating that it was an excellent paper and analysis and urging me to enter it into the English and Writing, Rhetoric, and Discourse competition.

"Talk about validation!

"Writing pieces like that is all that I've wanted to do for so long. I needed the courage (remembering that convo between you and my dad) and the validation that those pieces are effective.
"The truth is that my writing was improved by your teaching.

"I'm on top of the world. You should be as well!"

*BEAM*