Okay, I HATE living here. I'm scared shitless. Even now with the window closed all the way I can still hear the planes and shit flying around outside and it's scaring the crap out of me. I don't understand how anyone else in this building can just go to bed like nothing is wrong and sleep fine. Even this weekend when I was home I had lots of trouble falling asleep. Sure I was tired as hell, but my mind was going nuts thinking about all the crazy shit that's going on and it wouldn't let me fall asleep. It's strange how I try to think logically about this and convince myself that everything is going to be okay, but my unconscious still forces my heart to race everytime I hear something outside. Argh! I'm so pissed off! I hate not feeling safe anymore!!!! I don't know what to do anymore. For the past few weeks I've been forcing myself to stay awake as long as possible and keep myself occupied until I'm so tired I pass out as soon as my head hits the pillow. It's the only way I can fall asleep without driving myself insane. I hate this. I don't even have a TV in my room so I can fall asleep watching cheezy comedy shows or anything else to keep my mind off of everything. And it's not like I can just go home. I don't know how long this is all going to last. I just can't tell Stevens that it's impossible for me to continue living on this campus and I can't go to school here anymore. People would just laugh at me. No one really understands how much this is actually affecting me. It goes way back into my childhood, and it's really hard to explain because it's mostly emotional stuff. But because of it, this whole war thing is really hard for me to deal with. I don't know what to do...