I'm so happy you had such a lovely experience at Mass for Aunt Pat and Uncle Leo.
I love being Catholic. I know that may sound weird to a lot of people. But, I didn't grow up Catholic. I grew up in a Protestant church. After confirmation from that Protestant church, I never went again. Anytime I went to church, it was a Catholic church. And I always really liked it. As an outsider, I envied the faith Catholics had, the prayers, the practices, the community the Catholic church provided, etc. That's not to say the Protestant church cannot provide all of that. I just did not feel any attachment to it.
After many years of thinking about it, I made the decision to convert to Catholicism. I attended my Catholic church's RCIA program and on Easter Sunday, I received the 3 Sacraments of Initiation. Receiving my First Communion at 42y.o. was a very powerful experience for me. And ever since that day, I have attended Mass regularly, strengthened my faith in God, have a wonderful church community I belong to and amazing Priests whom I absolutely adore. So I can truly say, I love being Catholic. But I chose it.
If you are looking to quench your thirst for spirituality, you are welcome to come to church with me anytime. My church will 'welcome you home' anytime. But, maybe you need to explore other churches and chose your own religious path for yourself.
In general, I think we appreciate things more, when we decide it ourselves. Just a thought.
The catholic community definitely revers ritual. I can see how that speaks to you. I love that you chose it and let yourself convert. It’s never too late to put our faith first - or to rearrange our faith. God does not care if we pivot. He only cares that we come back. At least that’s what I believe. He patiently waits.
I agree with you - we appreciate things more when it’s us that chose it.
Allison this month’s theme is so resonant for me, it is after all part of my reason for being here as a personal essayist on Substack, with the original 3 ‘Ds’ of Divorce, Dementia, and Destiny—‘this is not where the story ends.’ And indeed, 3 years on from the divorce, and a year & a half since Mom’s death from dementia, my story is writing itself in new, unexpected directions. I’ve realized I often have very little control over how my story plays out. Co-creating with the universe is where I like to collaborate these days; I do my part and stay open and then the universe, destiny, God…whatever the higher mysterious force, it steps in and the narrative gets spun in interesting directions that I could never have predicted. I love that you’re inviting traditional faith back into your life, revising the story it isn’t for you, and that winter must be sad, and hard. I love winter for its nesting and the invitation to stay warm & cozy indoors and write.😀I am also slowly making my way through Elena’s beautiful new book in this quiet contemplative season. Thanks for letting me know of Kate Bowler’s Advent calendar. Hugs from Barcelona!
Hugs right back to you, Amy! It is in the teens here in Massachusetts and I didn't let that stop me from visiting that birch tree that has been waving its bare branches at me. Re-writing my winter story feels quite nice.
"This is not where the story ends." What a powerful stance. Yes - we can continue to co-create with the Universe and the Gods of our understanding all the way until our last chapter.
Thank you for sharing all your wonderful stories with us here. I love how our stories seem to co-create with each other. Our themes seem to braid together and resonate. That's why I love reading memoirists and personal essayists - because we can see each other in each other's words. When resonance runs deep, we feel held. Like a hug ;-)
I am always amazed by how much I relate to your stories. I've been noticing the birch trees too! They are beautiful:) Another connection we have is nature. While I still enjoy going to a physical church with my sister, nature is one of my other churches for sure. There's a song I love about "church," and I can picture the video which has a group of men standing by a car. I wanted to share it with you, although I haven't been able to find it on Google searches. However, this song/video popped up, and it's great: https://youtu.be/ouWQ25O-Mcg?si=T9ATCAjU2v3xNTg4 I especially love how she helps others by giving them rides, and my favorite part is near the end when she waves to the cows:) One of my greatest pleasures these days is feeding the cows by my mom's house. When they see my car, they come running up to the fence... so sweet:) Also, thank you for sharing Kate Bowler's Advent devotion. With my headspace being wrapped up in retirement stuff, I didn't pick anything to read for Advent this year. I only read the 1st day so far, and it brought me to tears. I'm definitely going to continue reading the other days, but I decided not to rush it... even if the readings go past Christmas. The beauty of Advent (hope, peace, joy & love) should be celebrated throughout the year:) Have a great week!
I loved this video, Crystal. Thank you for sharing it with me. I especially love how it illustrates service to others can be so simple. We humans often complicate that and then, sometimes, hide our graces instead of extending them.
This past summer, before we moved my son into college, we stayed at a house that was on a small farm in Indiana. I woke with the roosters and chickens and my daughter and I visited the goats and sheep throughout each day. They got to know us in the short time we stayed. I really think I could have been a farmer! How did I end up a lawyer?
Thanks for always reflecting with me here. Enjoy the slow read of Kate’s devotionals. She always makes me tear up - in the best way. Her podcast is great, too.
I laughed out loud at your farmer statement:) Take it from someone who grew up on a farm... it's A LOT of work! I always said, "I don't want to marry a farmer." When I reflect back on my childhood, I feel very grateful for the experience of farm life and the hard work. But it takes a special person to persevere in those conditions with very little pay... my dad was that special person. He LOVED being a farmer. It wasn't for me, but now I totally love visiting the animals and giving them treats.
I imagine growing up on a farm must have been pretty darn special. And also hard to watch your dad work so hard for pay that never matched his efforts. 🫶
Your words and care mean the world for so many of us. Thank you for reminding us that we can continue recalibrating when we hold wonder and curiosity close. And your kid. And your mom below... Bye God
What a treat, seeing your daughter’s journal entry! Her sign-off delights me, and her take on your treadmill time offers such a tangible, beautiful reminder that our stories about ourselves might not be (probably aren’t) the whole story.
I have some significant changes coming up in January - joining two intensive programs as a student, and the logistics could be stressful to consider... but strangely, I’m not feeling stressed about them (which is highly unusual for me). I just know that the programs are deeply aligned with my life and practice and next phase... and while certain aspects will be uncomfortable, I’m mostly excited and eager to step into the uncertainty, leaving my stories behind - to the extent that I’m able, as an ongoing practice, some days will no doubt be smoother than others.
I love this, Dana. The stepping into uncertainty without gripping an older story /without preemptively whipping up a new story about how it will go. I’m excited for you - aligned studies in 2026 sounds wonderful (I love being a student).
One tool I’ve been able to sharpen the deeper I get in sobriety is simply asking myself, “What else might be true?” It pulls me out of rigid panic mind and places me down in a softer place.
Brillaint reflection on how we craft suffering before it arrives! That SAD lamp moment is such a perect example of how we armour up against futures that havent happened yet. I've caught myself doing this with mornings, convinced I'll be groggy so I prep three alarms and extra coffee when honestly most days I wake up fine. What if we just let the season show up as itself instead of bracing for impact?
I am coming back tomorrow to read this full essay but may I say YES & wonderful idea to this: I will be offering Creative Co-Working Gatherings in 2026.”
Collaborative Narrative - ah! That would make a great title for an essay.
I’m with your daughter - feeling a tad Scrooge-y towards the gift giving bustle of it all. It’s too much, every year. Particularly this year. What a year it’s been (*sigh*)
I feel that “too much, every year” (and also “what a year it’s been”!) — it’s an especially hard time for self-compassion so I’m sending you love /appreciation 💗
I'm so happy you had such a lovely experience at Mass for Aunt Pat and Uncle Leo.
I love being Catholic. I know that may sound weird to a lot of people. But, I didn't grow up Catholic. I grew up in a Protestant church. After confirmation from that Protestant church, I never went again. Anytime I went to church, it was a Catholic church. And I always really liked it. As an outsider, I envied the faith Catholics had, the prayers, the practices, the community the Catholic church provided, etc. That's not to say the Protestant church cannot provide all of that. I just did not feel any attachment to it.
After many years of thinking about it, I made the decision to convert to Catholicism. I attended my Catholic church's RCIA program and on Easter Sunday, I received the 3 Sacraments of Initiation. Receiving my First Communion at 42y.o. was a very powerful experience for me. And ever since that day, I have attended Mass regularly, strengthened my faith in God, have a wonderful church community I belong to and amazing Priests whom I absolutely adore. So I can truly say, I love being Catholic. But I chose it.
If you are looking to quench your thirst for spirituality, you are welcome to come to church with me anytime. My church will 'welcome you home' anytime. But, maybe you need to explore other churches and chose your own religious path for yourself.
In general, I think we appreciate things more, when we decide it ourselves. Just a thought.
Bye God.
The catholic community definitely revers ritual. I can see how that speaks to you. I love that you chose it and let yourself convert. It’s never too late to put our faith first - or to rearrange our faith. God does not care if we pivot. He only cares that we come back. At least that’s what I believe. He patiently waits.
I agree with you - we appreciate things more when it’s us that chose it.
Bye God
🙃
Allison this month’s theme is so resonant for me, it is after all part of my reason for being here as a personal essayist on Substack, with the original 3 ‘Ds’ of Divorce, Dementia, and Destiny—‘this is not where the story ends.’ And indeed, 3 years on from the divorce, and a year & a half since Mom’s death from dementia, my story is writing itself in new, unexpected directions. I’ve realized I often have very little control over how my story plays out. Co-creating with the universe is where I like to collaborate these days; I do my part and stay open and then the universe, destiny, God…whatever the higher mysterious force, it steps in and the narrative gets spun in interesting directions that I could never have predicted. I love that you’re inviting traditional faith back into your life, revising the story it isn’t for you, and that winter must be sad, and hard. I love winter for its nesting and the invitation to stay warm & cozy indoors and write.😀I am also slowly making my way through Elena’s beautiful new book in this quiet contemplative season. Thanks for letting me know of Kate Bowler’s Advent calendar. Hugs from Barcelona!
Hugs right back to you, Amy! It is in the teens here in Massachusetts and I didn't let that stop me from visiting that birch tree that has been waving its bare branches at me. Re-writing my winter story feels quite nice.
"This is not where the story ends." What a powerful stance. Yes - we can continue to co-create with the Universe and the Gods of our understanding all the way until our last chapter.
Thank you for sharing all your wonderful stories with us here. I love how our stories seem to co-create with each other. Our themes seem to braid together and resonate. That's why I love reading memoirists and personal essayists - because we can see each other in each other's words. When resonance runs deep, we feel held. Like a hug ;-)
I am always amazed by how much I relate to your stories. I've been noticing the birch trees too! They are beautiful:) Another connection we have is nature. While I still enjoy going to a physical church with my sister, nature is one of my other churches for sure. There's a song I love about "church," and I can picture the video which has a group of men standing by a car. I wanted to share it with you, although I haven't been able to find it on Google searches. However, this song/video popped up, and it's great: https://youtu.be/ouWQ25O-Mcg?si=T9ATCAjU2v3xNTg4 I especially love how she helps others by giving them rides, and my favorite part is near the end when she waves to the cows:) One of my greatest pleasures these days is feeding the cows by my mom's house. When they see my car, they come running up to the fence... so sweet:) Also, thank you for sharing Kate Bowler's Advent devotion. With my headspace being wrapped up in retirement stuff, I didn't pick anything to read for Advent this year. I only read the 1st day so far, and it brought me to tears. I'm definitely going to continue reading the other days, but I decided not to rush it... even if the readings go past Christmas. The beauty of Advent (hope, peace, joy & love) should be celebrated throughout the year:) Have a great week!
I loved this video, Crystal. Thank you for sharing it with me. I especially love how it illustrates service to others can be so simple. We humans often complicate that and then, sometimes, hide our graces instead of extending them.
This past summer, before we moved my son into college, we stayed at a house that was on a small farm in Indiana. I woke with the roosters and chickens and my daughter and I visited the goats and sheep throughout each day. They got to know us in the short time we stayed. I really think I could have been a farmer! How did I end up a lawyer?
Thanks for always reflecting with me here. Enjoy the slow read of Kate’s devotionals. She always makes me tear up - in the best way. Her podcast is great, too.
I laughed out loud at your farmer statement:) Take it from someone who grew up on a farm... it's A LOT of work! I always said, "I don't want to marry a farmer." When I reflect back on my childhood, I feel very grateful for the experience of farm life and the hard work. But it takes a special person to persevere in those conditions with very little pay... my dad was that special person. He LOVED being a farmer. It wasn't for me, but now I totally love visiting the animals and giving them treats.
I imagine growing up on a farm must have been pretty darn special. And also hard to watch your dad work so hard for pay that never matched his efforts. 🫶
Your words and care mean the world for so many of us. Thank you for reminding us that we can continue recalibrating when we hold wonder and curiosity close. And your kid. And your mom below... Bye God
Recalibrating. Yes. It’s always an option.
Thank you, Elena 🙏🏼
It always did sneak up on me
as in the pew I tried to perch.
I did not do it willingly,
but I always fell asleep in church.
The homilies were very good,
the priest did not go on and on,
the pews were flat, the hardest wood,
but nonetheless I was flat gone
and Barb would poke me with her keys
(she was not one to be fooled)
and whisper, "Would you wake up, PLEASE?"
as I in happy slumber drooled,
and at the end, while shaking hands,
the good priest winks, and understands.
This made me smile, Andrew! Thanks for leaving (and weaving) your words here. 🫶
I have nodded off from time to time while in the pew 😉 I think God winks and understands, too.
What a treat, seeing your daughter’s journal entry! Her sign-off delights me, and her take on your treadmill time offers such a tangible, beautiful reminder that our stories about ourselves might not be (probably aren’t) the whole story.
I have some significant changes coming up in January - joining two intensive programs as a student, and the logistics could be stressful to consider... but strangely, I’m not feeling stressed about them (which is highly unusual for me). I just know that the programs are deeply aligned with my life and practice and next phase... and while certain aspects will be uncomfortable, I’m mostly excited and eager to step into the uncertainty, leaving my stories behind - to the extent that I’m able, as an ongoing practice, some days will no doubt be smoother than others.
I love this, Dana. The stepping into uncertainty without gripping an older story /without preemptively whipping up a new story about how it will go. I’m excited for you - aligned studies in 2026 sounds wonderful (I love being a student).
One tool I’ve been able to sharpen the deeper I get in sobriety is simply asking myself, “What else might be true?” It pulls me out of rigid panic mind and places me down in a softer place.
Thanks for reflecting here. 🙏🏼
Love that question, Allison! 🙏🏼
Brillaint reflection on how we craft suffering before it arrives! That SAD lamp moment is such a perect example of how we armour up against futures that havent happened yet. I've caught myself doing this with mornings, convinced I'll be groggy so I prep three alarms and extra coffee when honestly most days I wake up fine. What if we just let the season show up as itself instead of bracing for impact?
Wow. You have no idea how much this comment helps me.
Thank you 🙏🏼
The bracing for impact has been my stance for so long. It feels so good to peel myself out it.
I am coming back tomorrow to read this full essay but may I say YES & wonderful idea to this: I will be offering Creative Co-Working Gatherings in 2026.”
I’ve been pondering collaborative narrative (that term just now popped out!) and this pulls things together a little more. Happy Advent! (Also, from my own daughter: https://thepostcalvin.com/this-grinch-brakes-for-christmas-lights/)
Collaborative Narrative - ah! That would make a great title for an essay.
I’m with your daughter - feeling a tad Scrooge-y towards the gift giving bustle of it all. It’s too much, every year. Particularly this year. What a year it’s been (*sigh*)
I feel that “too much, every year” (and also “what a year it’s been”!) — it’s an especially hard time for self-compassion so I’m sending you love /appreciation 💗