Alley Kitten's Alley

Writer's Block: Revenge of the midnight movie

alleykitten — Thu, 26 May 2011 15:50:15 GMT

REEFER MADNESS!!!
Do I really need to give a reason?

Writer's Block: Teenage dream

alleykitten — Thu, 07 Apr 2011 16:36:06 GMT

Hey, Kev. What you doing outside?

Grooming day!

alleykitten — Wed, 16 Mar 2011 02:25:55 GMT

For the most part, I take care of my pets' grooming. But, before summer time, I like to take Emma in to get a professional cut. This makes it a little easier for me to keep up on her fur for the rest of the year.

We used to take Maggie Mae to the groomer, too. But, it turns out she's really easy to clip with cheap clippers. She just gets a "paw-dicure" now. I really should invest in a nail grinder. Then, she wouldn't have to go to the groomer AT ALL.

Zoe... well, this was her first time at the groomer. She was a good girl :)

"I get a home cut... but, I like that better! I get treats during it!" Also, while my sisters are at the groomer, I get taken to the candy store!!!

Dude... she doesn't look real XD

She still has that bow in her hair. She hasn't bothered it at all :)

Emma still isn't too impressed with Zoe.

She's much happier taking photos on her own.

I hope these are okay. I don't really ever do posed shots of my pups (or my cats). But, they all looked so clean and pampered! So, I had to get pictures of them :)

Re: A Mom Responds Before Crowding You Our of Your Local Coffeeshop/Bar

alleykitten — Sun, 06 Mar 2011 04:22:45 GMT

A Mom Responds Before Crowding You Our of Your Local Coffeeshop/Bar
by Jessica Roake

Every once in a while someone's mom gets on the offensive and posts something about how horrible ~~child-haters~~ child-free adults are towards innocent parents. Rarely are these posts anything more than postpartum meltdowns. The article linked above is no exception. However, I do find it deliciously hilarious how Ms. (Mrs?) Jessica Roake seems to prove each point she's arguing against. Thus, I shall be posting the internal ramblings which went through my head while I read this mom-entous essay.

A lot of people with/without kids have very strong opinions about parents and babies, and they really, really want to share them! You know, like, "I can go party awesomely with other adults without hiring a babysitter anytime. (this is not an opinion, but a true observation) Let’s talk about ~~anything but~~ YOU and your offspring, because I have a lot of things to say! I’ll also post my judgement on the internet, just to make my thoughts on babies known, once and for all (Someone must have gotten posted on STFU, Parents and got butthurt about it). For posterity. That will be helpful! (Oh, if only parents like you heeded these helpful hints)" As a non-hypothetical parent who can also read, I’ve noticed that some of these opinions tend to be self-righteous :P/ ignorant - unlike this article / soul-crushingly cruel (you mad?), and they have at various points driven me to tears (Dude, it's the internet! Don't take it so personally), mom support groups (The fact that moms have support groups should tell you something), and a biiiiit of a drinking problem (I'm sure this last one didn't factor in to the writing of this essay at ALL!). But the time for support groups is over (I still need the wine) (Please, hold that ~~bottle~~ thought, while I contact child services), and the time for battle is here (Pikachu...I CHOOSE YOU!). I have some opinions too, my friends, and mine are bolstered by almost inhuman levels of hormones (You don't say!) and righteousness forged in the fires of childbirth (I just got a vision of Frodo and Sam carrying a uterus into Mordor...).

1. Cease and desist with the whole “My neighborhood has been ruined by yuppie parents who overrun the streets with strollers and bring their babies into bars” thing. (Whoa, whoa, whoa... hold up! Is this article REALLY going to be about you getting pissed because people don't like seeing your baby in a bar!?!?! I'm sorry, but, WTF is wrong with you?!? Having a baby in a bar is... tacky! It's the complete opposite of classy. Also, it's highly inappropriate! Bars are an adult setting. It's not just for atmosphere... it's the law! I don't think I've walked into a sing bar which didn't have a sign hanging on the door that read, "Nobody under 21 admitted inside." WHY would you want your baby in a bar, anyway? What kind of parent want their infant child to be around a bunch of rambunctious, loud, drunkards? --not to mention some states still allow smoking in bars-- I think you may need to stop right here and take a good look at yourself and your parenting priorities)

I know it’s hard to be a super-legit young urbanite, living in an area that was totally cool before being gentrified (because you grew up here, right?), the kind of person who — and I’m just spitballing here:

a. went to RISD/Brown/Oberlin/“School in Cambridge”; (This makes you seem jealously angry at people who were able to receive a college education. But, in any case.. not me.)

b. now works at a gallery/website/non-profit (mostly on Tumblr/Twitter); (Um... not me, either.... but, there are plenty of non-profit organizations which cater specifically to children and families. Many, who's employees have children. So, I don't know why you'd assume this)

c. goes to readings for small presses/shows for obscure Danish bands/your coke dealer’s gallery openings; (Small presses? I don't know any obscure Danish bands. I don't have a coke dealer, either.... and, my weed dealer doesn't have a gallery)

d. makes art/writing/music before an overwhelming sense of failure and self-loathing necessitates whiskey/rye & rosemary cocktails/cheap canned beer in dark, super-authentic dive bars (with great jukeboxes); and (Well... maybe I make a little bit of art. I do like photography...)

e. sleeps drunkenly with inappropriate/unavailable friends and/or random strangers who get your cultural references/share your vital stats/haircut/jeans before writing/receiving overly long morning-after emails/texts about not being ready for commitment blah, blah, blah. (I don't think I do this... However, I might just be so drunk I don't remember! Gimme a second, let me text my husband and ask him about this one... he says, "No.")

Is that a terribly hackneyed cliche? (Yes!) Sorry! (I don't think you are) But yes, cultural stereotype to cultural stereotype (though, you've neglected listing my cultural stereotype. I feel so left out!), put me in my place for leaving the house in search of adult human contact and conversation with a stroller for my child who cannot walk yet (Oh, I remember the days when a stroller was a small thing... when folded up it was hardly larger than an umbrella. Why do I have the feeling you're not talking about that kind of stroller?), when I should just be inside, alone (But, you're not alone... you have A CHILD!), staring at my yellow wallpaper (You know, you COULD go to Home Depot and pick out something a little nicer than yellow wallpaper). On the bar front, there are two ways to approach this problem: either make nice and buy the baby a drink (Lets pretend that's not illegal. If I were to do this, I'd sit there and insist on watching the kid drink every drop of the double scotch I sent their way), or just get right up into that baby’s face and yell at that baby until he/she feels properly shamed and leaves your private drinking establishment. (I have a feeling you don't really want me to do this. But, if I did own the bar I'd tell you to get our 'cause I don't want a baby in my bar)

2. Stop calling people with kids “the worst.” (I don't think I've ever heard anyone just say, "people with kids are the worst." Mayhaps someone said to you, "people like you with kids are the worst.")

A lot of times, people will say, "Why are some parents the worst," (keyword: some) you know, like, “Why are my friends who can’t go a night without talking about the wonders of their little crapdoll so predictably boring and parent-y(Well... why can't you?) now when they used to be so cool, like, did all adult conversational ability exit my friend's vagina with the baby? (Well... did it?)” But you put ALL parents on notice, by extension positing that ALL people who have produced offspring in THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD are the worst (I completely agree, re: your mom) Ouch... burn.... An interesting position that can be explained thusly: “people with kids” are really tired (Understandably!), they can’t just “go out and get a drink” (You can buy liquor while out grocery shopping.. I mean, hell... where are you getting your wine?!)without three weeks of babysitter planning, and, you know, frankly, your life isn’t that interesting to them (If we're not interesting to you then why do you want to be around us???), and they are judging you CONSTANTLY.(You have a serious paranoia problem)

3. Pregnant ladies are not “smug.” (Pregnant Women are Smug by Garfunkel and Oates)

Pregnant ladies are filled with LIFE FORCE (coughsmugcough), an energy so profound and positive (smug) that it could literally transform the world with its power (smuggitysmugsmugsmug). It is hard to really understand — unless you have felt Gaea’s blood-sugar-sex-magick (smug-a-lug-a-ding-dong!) so fully inhabit your body WHICH YOU OBVIOUSLY HAVEN'T — the beauty of what we (who have been blessed by the Goddess) (Smug) call the “great dance” of pregnancy (SMUG!). So what you misconstrue as “smugness” is actually just the 100% justified inner peace that comes from knowing that all hope for harmony, life, and mankind itself resides within a pregnant lady's blessed-be uterus (The amount of smug in this paragraph is causing global warming.). Or/Also: pregnant ladies are filled with hormones (no shit) & anxiety & delusions & gas, which sometimes looks a little like smugness (You'd think it would be hard to be smug when you're sweaty, farting and wetting yourself).

4. There is no sinister conspiracy to make of you a breeder. (What do you want to do tomorrow night, Brain? Same thing we do every night, Pinky... TRY TO MAKE BREEDERS OF ALL OF YOU!!!)

Here is why your friends with kids are always “pressuring” you to start birthing: because plaaaaaaay daaaaates (So, you want your friends to have kids just so your spawn will have someone to play with, giving you a few moments of peace and sanity? Wow... that's not selfish at ALL!)! Because it would be great if you could do "brunch" at the IHOP at 7:45 a.m (Parent or not... you cannot do "brunch" at 7:45am. It's call breakfast no matter who you are.)! Because “hanging out” could mean sitting on a couch with beers/wine/booze (WE WON'T JUDGE EACH OTHER!) (OMG! Guess what! You don't have to have kids to have a friend like this. In fact, my best friend and I hang out once a week. All we do is sit on the sofa, chat, eat lunch, watch tv or a movie, knit... etc. But, we rarely drink... but, we could if we wanted to!) while the kids play, accepting that all conversations will be interrupted 42 times for conflict resolution/pottytalk (Ha ha! We can do it without the interruptions XD Sorry... had rub it in)! Because they won't have to explain how long it takes to get a babysitter, or why noisy chain restaurants that give out crayons are the coolest, or why there are many, many stains on their sweat pants (which you will no longer make fun of, because you get it) (Friends generally don't mind if you have stained sweat pants... but, they may worry about you if you constantly wear them out in public). People with kids want their friends to join the ~~horror~~ club so they can ~~have company in their misery~~ share their secret language with you! But I don't know you (You sure seemed to think you knew a lot about me a few paragraphs back), nor do I care about whether or not you choose to procreate. Really, there's no secret petition going around, no big underground campaign — don't have kids if you don't want them (Wow! Thanks! I feel so much better now that I have your blessing)! I respect that, I really do. Because that means less competition at our No. 1 choice cooperative Waldorf preschool (fingers crossed!) *eye roll*.

5. Don’t compare your dog/cat to my child. (Oh, there's no comparison! My dogs and cats are WAY BETTER than your child. Trust me on this)

Did you labor with your puppy for 28 hours (No. But, not all parents go through any labor. There's C-sections. Surrogates, Adoption...)? Did you go through an exhaustive and nearly bankrupting adoption process with your kitty (I might have. You don't know me)? Did your fertility struggles challenge your ability to have your bunny (No. My husbands allergies do)? Did any of these animals come out of your vagina (No. But, again... not EVERY parent has a child come out of their vajayjay)? Yes, yes, you love your animals, I love my animals too, shut up Dr. PETA (Not all animal lovers are members of PETA.. but, I won't get into that now). It is not the same, and no one with a child is like, “Oh thank God, YOU GET IT” when someone with a pet likens changing diapers at four in the morning to housetraining a Boston Terrier. (No... but, staying up late with two vomiting, dogs with the trots is EASILY equivalent staying up all night with a sick infant. Also, being a very involved aunt, I know all about the horrors of diapers, snot and other unpleasantries... so, just because a person has never given birth, doesn't mean they don't understand your parenting plights. And, while we're on the subject of "loving your pets like kids" I'd like to point you to google "cat human bond." There are many interesting studies.)

Jessica Roake ~~is a twat~~ has a BABY, and when she isn't playing trains and ruining your favorite places, she tweets and blogs.

PS - Every parent I know thinks Jessica is insane and should be on medication.

alleykitten — Sun, 21 Nov 2010 00:52:57 GMT

I just wanted to say how proud I am that little Maggie Mae has finally learned, "down." It may have taken three months. But, she's got it!

So... to sum up Maggie's Training:

Come
Sit
Wait (though this is ongoing)
Paw (shake)
Up
Dance
Down

Emma at the Salton Sea III

alleykitten — Sun, 31 Oct 2010 02:43:23 GMT

Emma at the Salton Sea III, originally uploaded by alleykitten.

Emma on our road trip.

Emma's last haircut of the year (hopefully)

alleykitten — Sat, 25 Sep 2010 17:49:50 GMT

Emma's last haircut of the year (hopefully), originally uploaded by alleykitten.

Pinhole Camera

alleykitten — Fri, 24 Sep 2010 04:27:24 GMT

Carly and I have decided we're going to make pinhole cameras to use while on our road trip.

Here's the one we're going to make: http://www.matchboxpinhole.com/index.html

But, there are a lot of other neat kinds we may want to try.

"Dogs on Leash" Signs

alleykitten — Sun, 12 Sep 2010 17:15:14 GMT

Well, I was a little disappointed during our last visit to Placerita Canyon.

When we pulled in, we saw a new sign on the picnic area message board. It read: "Dogs must be on leash. Please, Curb/Clean up after your dog."

We though this might have been a new sign for the picnic area. And, well, I can't blame them... I wouldn't want strange dogs running up to me while I'm picnicking. However, as we walked on, we noticed this sign is posted at every trail head.

I understand it's for people safety, and nature safety... and even dog safety. So I'm not complaining. Just a little sad to see it end.

What a bummer. Oh well... so, there will be no more "free spirit puppy dog" photos taken at Placerita Canyon.

We've still got the river bed. So... eh.

Also, I know we have a few dog parks out here. But, they're little more than fenced in dirt. Besides, Maggie Mae and Emma are not comfortable at dog parks.

She wasn't even sleeping!

alleykitten — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 20:03:56 GMT

DSC02773, originally uploaded by alleykitten.

She was just laying there... staring at me... it creeped me out a little.

Packing List

alleykitten — Tue, 24 Aug 2010 20:37:55 GMT

Overnight trip: I'm totally gonna over pack XD

Clothes
- Shirt
- Jeans
- Sweater
- Delicates
- 2 pair socks
- Pajamas
Toiletries
- Soap
- Shampoo
- Deoderant
- Toothbrush/Toothpaste
- Brush
- Powder
Misc
- Cellphone
- Camera/Extra Batteries
- Pinhole Camera(s)/Extra Film
- Laptop/Card reader (for image dumps)
- Pillow
- Purse/Money/Wallet
- Travel Emergency Kit
Emma
- Food
- Treats
- 2 Folding bowls
- Harness/Leash/Seatbelt
- Baggies
- Shampoo/Wipes (just in case)
- Blanket
- Carrier

Barney...

alleykitten — Sun, 25 Jul 2010 22:37:32 GMT

I didn't really say anything about this because I didn't want to jinx it.

We decided to adopt another cat. A year and a half after Bella's passing, our hearts have healed enough that we were ready to bring another feline into our family. We weren't actively looking. But, when I typed in "munchkin" into Petfinder.com Barney's profile was the first to pop up.

After a few emails and exchanging of information, we had a home inspection by one of the volunteers [Chris]. We were horribly nervous! What if we weren't good enough for Barney!? Oh, we didn't even want to think such a horrible thought! We had already fallen so in love with this cat... a rejection would have been devastating!

Well, here's the email we got after our inspection:

Hi Stacey, Chris couldn't say enough wonderful things about you and your family (both human and fuzzies, or in case of the turtles scaled!). It sounds like the home I dreamed of for Mr. Barney!! I can't wait for you guys to meet him and if you fall in love and want to take him home with you on Saturday that's great. I will bring the adoption contract with me. As far as the adoption fee cash or check doesn't matter and it's a tax write-off as I'm a non-profit 501(c)(3). I have been SO blessed that so many of my adopters have become great friends and I'm hoping the same will happen for us. Thank you for allowing Chris to come over and again she just thinks you guys are wonderful and she's not easy to impress!! Let me check with the vet and make sure that we are good to meet there on Saturday at 10:30 otherwise I might have you come to my house. I'll email you tomorrow to confirm and give you the address. Blessings, Michele

That's right! Right now Barney is in our home! We all love him so much! He's rather scared at the moment... so, I'm not able to take any photos. But, if you'd like to see his petfinder page: http://www.petfinder.com/petdetail/16636007?rvp=1

If you want more information on the rescue Milo came from, please visit their website :) http://www.milossanctuary.org/Home_Page.html

Sand Puppy

alleykitten — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 14:45:12 GMT

DSC02516, originally uploaded by alleykitten.

DSC02444

alleykitten — Mon, 05 Jul 2010 21:23:16 GMT

DSC02444, originally uploaded by alleykitten.

Happy Independence Day, USA!

alleykitten — Mon, 05 Jul 2010 03:25:06 GMT

Maggie Mae and Emma are quite patriotic.

Maggie has been flipping out the last few days because people have been lighting fire crackers off early. So, we've opted for a quiet, at home Fourth.

"Why do you do this to us?

*sings* Celebrate for treats! COME ON! It's a celebration!

Emma's a Yankee Doodle Dandy!

Waiting for treats.

Done with the photo shoot.

It's tiring being a model.

Slender Man is coming for me!!!!

alleykitten — Sat, 03 Jul 2010 17:42:20 GMT

Yesterday, I spent most of the day researching The Slender Man. This really isn't out of the ordinary for me. I tend to delve into ghost and monster myths. It's all in fun... and I'm a creepy bitch ;)

Anyway... Slender Man is fucking terrifying! I had nightmares last night about him coming after me! I swear... I slept with one eye open all night!!!

Now... I understand that Slender Man likes to pick out people that do research on him... but, it seems his interest only passes to people who have touched actual, physical media that involves him (paper journals, video cassettes, etc). But... I'm still tempted to set my laptop on fire, now.

I, also, have the serious urge to draw Slender Man! I'm resisting the urge... RESISTING!

Meerkat

alleykitten — Fri, 25 Jun 2010 22:11:28 GMT

DSC02069, originally uploaded by alleykitten.

Happy Gotcha Day, Maggie Mae!!!

alleykitten — Fri, 25 Jun 2010 16:32:49 GMT

Dear Maggie Mae,

When you first walked onto our patio my mother fell in love with you.

I was not so sure about this scruffy, scared little mutt.

But, as the days passed, I realized that you just needed lots of love, treats, and to be told you're a "good girl."

And, it didn't take long for your sad face to form a smile.

On our first hike, you stuck to me like glue. You seems terrified that we were going to leave you there. You didn't even sniff around. But, after a few outings, you learned to trust that we weren't going to leave you behind.

We were told you were a quiet dog that never played and had no interest in toys. And, we would have been fine with that. Whatever made you happy made us happy.

But, we were surprised and excited to see you want to interact. And, with much enthusiasm, our Emma taught you how to play.

Slowly, but surely, you learned to love your new furry siblings. And, it's come to the point where you and Emma are virtually inseparable.

Although, you're still not to sure about that cat XD You have learned to have a common ground with her.

You've definitely found your place in our hearts and home.

We can't imagine our family without you! We love you so much!

Love,
Your Family
- Mama, Papa, Nana, Emma, Mia & the rest ;)

Stomach ache

alleykitten — Sat, 19 Jun 2010 20:31:16 GMT

I'm starting to get really sick of this dull pain in my stomach. Okay... it's not my stomach... it's lower... and to the right. Well... it's not really lower... I don't know... I can't describe where it is... but, it's to the right. I wouldn't even call it a "pain." It's more like... a "discomfort."

I can handle about 20 minutes of it before I start getting irritable. After a couple hours I become downright mean!

Mom thinks I could have a gallbladder infection or gallstones or something. I dunno. I just know I don't want to go to the doctor. And, I don't feel like I'm in enough pain to justify going to the doctor.

I better not have fucking gallstones. I'm gonna be so pissed. UGH!

Seriously, though... it irritates me enough that I just want to go to sleep and not deal with it.

An Idea from F!S

alleykitten — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 17:28:56 GMT

Someone in F!S said that TJ needed a bowtie. So, I obliged. ;)

Mia in a box

alleykitten — Sun, 13 Jun 2010 04:50:15 GMT

DSC01848, originally uploaded by alleykitten.

Just in case you forgot that my cat is every bit as awesome as my dogs ;)

Ha!

alleykitten — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 19:21:05 GMT

DSC01823, originally uploaded by alleykitten.

I was trying to take some random, candid shots. But, my ham of a pup had other ideas XD

Emmer-nemmer

alleykitten — Sun, 30 May 2010 18:26:21 GMT

Emma's famous!!!

alleykitten — Sat, 24 Apr 2010 15:23:30 GMT

The other day, I was outside with the dogs... and, one of my neighbors smiled at me and said, "I saw Emma on Cute Overload, yesterday!"

It made my day :)

Emma on Cute Overload

alleykitten — Wed, 21 Apr 2010 14:43:25 GMT

http://cuteoverload.com/2010/04/20/im-just-warren-c-doin-the-pee-pee-dance-here/