Everyone seems to be in a Monty Python mood today, so here's half of my contribution (I spent about one period today singing Life Of Brian). Anyway, tis particularly apt because I'm doing Philosophy...

Immanuel Kant was a real piss-ant
who was very rarely stable
Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar
who could think you under the table
David Hume could out-consume
Schopenhauer and Hegel
And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
who was just as sloshed as Schlegel

There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach ya
'bout the raising of the wrist
Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed

John Stuart Mill, of his own free will
after half a pint of shandy was particularly ill
Plato, they say, could stick it away
half a crate of brandy every day
Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle
Hobbes was fond of his dram
And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart
"I drink, therefore I am."

There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach ya
'bout the raising of the wrist
A lovely little thinker, but a bugger when he's pissed