Hola! Haven't written in here for a while (oooooh, a day.....) so here we go, update:
Exams:
Drama - A
English - A
French - A
History - B
Maths - B
I know most of my friends have done worse than they expected, and I really do sympathise with you! I do know what it feels like, and I'm sorry for you! My theory about this is that you need some extra motivation - if you fail an exam, or set of exams, or just disappoint yourself, it motivates you to revise much harder for the next set of exams, so you do really well. (At least, that's my theory!) I know it doesn't seem much of a comfort, but at least be glad it wasn't your real exams!
Still on the subject of exams, (kinda), I seriously don't understand why one person seems to be so bitchy at me at the moment. Yup, tis Aylson (I know I'm a broken record, sorry!).
She has been bitching about me for doing well when she failed most of her exams. Whose fault is that? She was talking about me to Kirsty in English today, and they both gave me evil looks and laughed at me. Why? What have I done to her? She was the one who caused all this unhappiness, not me. If it comes to that, where does she getr off crying at the Mission on my birthday? It was her decision, her and her friends' cruel words, not my choice. I said nothing horrible, actually, as far as I remember, I said nothing at all, I was so shocked.
So why has she been so nasty to me all along? Was it not enough to ruin my birthday and our friendship, and leave me upset to this day? Why does she keep saying horrible things to me? I've tried so hard, and succeeded (apart from one outburst months ago) not to say anything to her, let alone do anything to her, spread any rumours, bitch, or get any friends involved. God knows, enough people offered to batter/kill her. Okay, I have indulged in the odd bitching session, but not to her face, only to peopl I know will tell no-one else - I much prefer to keep my evil thoughts to myself, and my diary.
Why try to make up, then spurn all my offers of friendship? Why bitch? (Actually, if it comes to that, why does she bitch about everyone? When we were friends, no-one was afe - my family, all my friends, even Kirsty and Alison C - her so-called best friends. I would never bitch about a friend, to their face or otherwise. And while we're at it, do her friends really need to be horrible to me too, writing things about me in diaries - I don't just mean Kirsty - which make people who don't even know me slag me?)
WHY?
What can man do against such reckless hate?
There is no wound so deep as a loved one turned against you.
Okay, chavs! Why is it that whenever there's snow, they throw snowballs at anything that moves? People, cars, buses... They run into people's gardens to take snow, pelt as many people as they can, and any car coming along Craig's Road is hit my multiple snowballs, whether they have babies in them, old people, or anyone else. Buses get hit by twice as many snowballs. It's so dangerous, because a few vehicles swerved when they were hit, and if a chav hits a car, causing it to swerve into him and kill him, the driver would be charged with manslaughter. There's nothing that can be done to stop them. It's bloody annoying!!!! You don't know how lucky you are, Babz!
Okay, ranty style entry over... comedy entry...
If Star Wars was set in Glasgow...
Darth Vader would referred to as 'Auld Helmet Heid' or in moments of stress
'That Dome-Heided Basturd'.
Chewbacca would look roughly the same except he'd only be about 5ft tall,
from Blackhill and called Shug. He'd have the same amount of body hair but
would also have tattoos, would permanently smell of drink and sport a
Rangers top.
Obi-Wan Kenobi would invariably be referred to as Chief or Big Yin by his
cohorts. People trying to start a fight with him would address him as
Wanky-Nobby.
R2D2 would refuse to go out on the streets after 10pm because of the number
of drunks who would try to stuff chip papers in his head casing or piss on
him. He would also refuse to go near groups of wee boys at any time because
of the high risk of being spray painted/dumped in front of a speeding
train/set on fire.
Although proficient in over 3500 languages C3P0 would still be unable to
understand anything anyone from the East End of Glasgow said. He would
regularly get beaten up for being a 'greetin-faced poof fae Milngavie'.
The Millenium Falcon would have static strips, tinted windscreens and
extra-flared exhaust ports. It would have a Daily Record I Love Scotland
sticker in the back window and a saltire bumper sticker.
Princess Leia would get captured by Darth Vader because it's hard to run
very fast when you're wearing 5 inch platform heels and a tiny silver
mini-skirt which keeps hiking up over your arse every two steps. And you've
been a heavy smoker since you were 6.
The best way to destroy the Death Star would not turn out to be a desperate
all out attack. Two easy ways would be - alter its orbit so it passed
through Bridgeton and tell the locals it was full of kafflicks, or - leave
it unattended in Easterhouse.
Lines from the film as they would be uttered in the vernacular:-
Han Solo "I've got a real bad feeling about this"
"Ah'm shitin' ma sel' here boy"
"Bring 'em on! I prefer a straight fight to all this sneaking around."
"Come right ahead then c**ts! Fight the f**ing lot o ye!"
"There's no mystical energy field controls my destiny." "
The Force?!! D'youse think ah came doon wi the rain?!"
"Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at
your side, kid."
"Nae messin aboot wi the god squad and auld rubbish, wee man. Get yersel' a
decent shooter"
Ewoks would run aboot shouting "No Bad"
Darth Vader trying to shoot down Luke Skywalker:
"The Force is strong in this one"
"Stop shooglin' ya wee b*stad!"
Princess Leia:
"You're a little short for a Stormtrooper aren't you?"
"Ah didny think they took short-erses in the polis?"
"This bucket of bolts is never going to get us past that blockade."
"Wuv goat NAE chance in this pile o' sh*te"
Admiral Motti:
"Don't try to frighten us with your sorcerer's ways, Lord Vader."
"You think you're that hard, Vader so ye do. Well we're no feart ae you!"
Obi Wan:
"I felt a great disturbance in the Force."
"F*** me! whit wiz aw that?"
Luke to the Emperor:
"Your overconfidence is your weakness."
"Oh ye bloody think so?, i'll make you feel the f***ing force pal!!"
li G's Sister is pregnant and has a car accident and falls into a deep coma.
Asleep for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them."
The woman thinks to herself, "Oh no, not my brother...he's an idiot!"
Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"
"Denise," the doctor says.
The new mother thinks, "Wow, that's not a bad name! Guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise!" Then she asks the doctor,
"What's the boy's name?"
The doctor replies, "Denephew."
A
young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."
She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony.
She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams and so it goes on.
The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you?
She says "No, I'm really a blonde".
"I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."
Beckham on a horse
H
e mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady rhythmic pace as Posh stands back in admiration, but then he begins to slip from the saddle. In terror he grabs the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. He tries to throw his arms around the horse's neck, but he slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly unaware of its slipping rider.
Finally, he gives up his frail grasp and he attempts to leap away from the horse and throw himself to safety. Unfortunately, his foot has become entangled in the stirrup, now he is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as his head is struck against the ground over and over again.
Posh stands there frantic, unable to do anything to help as his head is battered against the ground. He is mere moments away from unconsciousness, perhaps death, when to his great fortune.....
The Sainsbury's security guard sees him, leans over, and unplugs the horse.
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them is hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars!
There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."
Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely! This must be a sign from God!"
The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."
Then she hands the bottle to the man.
The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.
The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man. The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police."
Moral of the story:
Women are clever bitches. Don't mess with them.
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blond female neighbour came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.
She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house.
A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"
To which she replied, "There certainly is!"
My stupid computer keeps saying "YOU'VE GOT MAIL"
A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud, "Lord grant me one wish."
Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the
Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish"
The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive over anytime I want to."The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me."
The man thought about it for a long time.
Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say 'nothing', and how I can make a woman truly happy"
After a few minutes God said, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?
You are the Dark Lord Sauron, You arn't out to do
evil deeds you just wan't what is
yours.....which to you is everything. (Please
Rate!)
Which Evil Guy are you (Seven possiblities, with images*updated*)
brought to you by Quizilla
Nominated for 12 BAFTAS and 11 Oscars... Winner of 4 Golden Globes, recipient of Empire Magazine reader's best film ever, (FOTR) and positon 3 (TTT) and, even thought it wasn't allowed to be in the poll as it wasn't released until a month after the poll started, ROTK came in at number 8 - they had so many votes, even though it was technically not allowed, they felt they had to include it...
IT'S LOTR!!!!!!!!!!!!
Exams:
Drama - A
English - A
French - A
History - B
Maths - B
I know most of my friends have done worse than they expected, and I really do sympathise with you! I do know what it feels like, and I'm sorry for you! My theory about this is that you need some extra motivation - if you fail an exam, or set of exams, or just disappoint yourself, it motivates you to revise much harder for the next set of exams, so you do really well. (At least, that's my theory!) I know it doesn't seem much of a comfort, but at least be glad it wasn't your real exams!
Still on the subject of exams, (kinda), I seriously don't understand why one person seems to be so bitchy at me at the moment. Yup, tis Aylson (I know I'm a broken record, sorry!).
She has been bitching about me for doing well when she failed most of her exams. Whose fault is that? She was talking about me to Kirsty in English today, and they both gave me evil looks and laughed at me. Why? What have I done to her? She was the one who caused all this unhappiness, not me. If it comes to that, where does she getr off crying at the Mission on my birthday? It was her decision, her and her friends' cruel words, not my choice. I said nothing horrible, actually, as far as I remember, I said nothing at all, I was so shocked.
So why has she been so nasty to me all along? Was it not enough to ruin my birthday and our friendship, and leave me upset to this day? Why does she keep saying horrible things to me? I've tried so hard, and succeeded (apart from one outburst months ago) not to say anything to her, let alone do anything to her, spread any rumours, bitch, or get any friends involved. God knows, enough people offered to batter/kill her. Okay, I have indulged in the odd bitching session, but not to her face, only to peopl I know will tell no-one else - I much prefer to keep my evil thoughts to myself, and my diary.
Why try to make up, then spurn all my offers of friendship? Why bitch? (Actually, if it comes to that, why does she bitch about everyone? When we were friends, no-one was afe - my family, all my friends, even Kirsty and Alison C - her so-called best friends. I would never bitch about a friend, to their face or otherwise. And while we're at it, do her friends really need to be horrible to me too, writing things about me in diaries - I don't just mean Kirsty - which make people who don't even know me slag me?)
WHY?
What can man do against such reckless hate?
There is no wound so deep as a loved one turned against you.
Okay, chavs! Why is it that whenever there's snow, they throw snowballs at anything that moves? People, cars, buses... They run into people's gardens to take snow, pelt as many people as they can, and any car coming along Craig's Road is hit my multiple snowballs, whether they have babies in them, old people, or anyone else. Buses get hit by twice as many snowballs. It's so dangerous, because a few vehicles swerved when they were hit, and if a chav hits a car, causing it to swerve into him and kill him, the driver would be charged with manslaughter. There's nothing that can be done to stop them. It's bloody annoying!!!! You don't know how lucky you are, Babz!
Okay, ranty style entry over... comedy entry...
If Star Wars was set in Glasgow...
Darth Vader would referred to as 'Auld Helmet Heid' or in moments of stress
'That Dome-Heided Basturd'.
Chewbacca would look roughly the same except he'd only be about 5ft tall,
from Blackhill and called Shug. He'd have the same amount of body hair but
would also have tattoos, would permanently smell of drink and sport a
Rangers top.
Obi-Wan Kenobi would invariably be referred to as Chief or Big Yin by his
cohorts. People trying to start a fight with him would address him as
Wanky-Nobby.
R2D2 would refuse to go out on the streets after 10pm because of the number
of drunks who would try to stuff chip papers in his head casing or piss on
him. He would also refuse to go near groups of wee boys at any time because
of the high risk of being spray painted/dumped in front of a speeding
train/set on fire.
Although proficient in over 3500 languages C3P0 would still be unable to
understand anything anyone from the East End of Glasgow said. He would
regularly get beaten up for being a 'greetin-faced poof fae Milngavie'.
The Millenium Falcon would have static strips, tinted windscreens and
extra-flared exhaust ports. It would have a Daily Record I Love Scotland
sticker in the back window and a saltire bumper sticker.
Princess Leia would get captured by Darth Vader because it's hard to run
very fast when you're wearing 5 inch platform heels and a tiny silver
mini-skirt which keeps hiking up over your arse every two steps. And you've
been a heavy smoker since you were 6.
The best way to destroy the Death Star would not turn out to be a desperate
all out attack. Two easy ways would be - alter its orbit so it passed
through Bridgeton and tell the locals it was full of kafflicks, or - leave
it unattended in Easterhouse.
Lines from the film as they would be uttered in the vernacular:-
Han Solo "I've got a real bad feeling about this"
"Ah'm shitin' ma sel' here boy"
"Bring 'em on! I prefer a straight fight to all this sneaking around."
"Come right ahead then c**ts! Fight the f**ing lot o ye!"
"There's no mystical energy field controls my destiny." "
The Force?!! D'youse think ah came doon wi the rain?!"
"Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at
your side, kid."
"Nae messin aboot wi the god squad and auld rubbish, wee man. Get yersel' a
decent shooter"
Ewoks would run aboot shouting "No Bad"
Darth Vader trying to shoot down Luke Skywalker:
"The Force is strong in this one"
"Stop shooglin' ya wee b*stad!"
Princess Leia:
"You're a little short for a Stormtrooper aren't you?"
"Ah didny think they took short-erses in the polis?"
"This bucket of bolts is never going to get us past that blockade."
"Wuv goat NAE chance in this pile o' sh*te"
Admiral Motti:
"Don't try to frighten us with your sorcerer's ways, Lord Vader."
"You think you're that hard, Vader so ye do. Well we're no feart ae you!"
Obi Wan:
"I felt a great disturbance in the Force."
"F*** me! whit wiz aw that?"
Luke to the Emperor:
"Your overconfidence is your weakness."
"Oh ye bloody think so?, i'll make you feel the f***ing force pal!!"
li G's Sister is pregnant and has a car accident and falls into a deep coma.
Asleep for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them."
The woman thinks to herself, "Oh no, not my brother...he's an idiot!"
Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"
"Denise," the doctor says.
The new mother thinks, "Wow, that's not a bad name! Guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise!" Then she asks the doctor,
"What's the boy's name?"
The doctor replies, "Denephew."
A
young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."
She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony.
She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams and so it goes on.
The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you?
She says "No, I'm really a blonde".
"I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."
Beckham on a horse
H
e mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady rhythmic pace as Posh stands back in admiration, but then he begins to slip from the saddle. In terror he grabs the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. He tries to throw his arms around the horse's neck, but he slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly unaware of its slipping rider.
Finally, he gives up his frail grasp and he attempts to leap away from the horse and throw himself to safety. Unfortunately, his foot has become entangled in the stirrup, now he is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as his head is struck against the ground over and over again.
Posh stands there frantic, unable to do anything to help as his head is battered against the ground. He is mere moments away from unconsciousness, perhaps death, when to his great fortune.....
The Sainsbury's security guard sees him, leans over, and unplugs the horse.
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them is hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars!
There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."
Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely! This must be a sign from God!"
The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."
Then she hands the bottle to the man.
The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.
The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man. The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police."
Moral of the story:
Women are clever bitches. Don't mess with them.
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blond female neighbour came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.
She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house.
A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"
To which she replied, "There certainly is!"
My stupid computer keeps saying "YOU'VE GOT MAIL"
A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud, "Lord grant me one wish."
Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the
Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish"
The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive over anytime I want to."The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me."
The man thought about it for a long time.
Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say 'nothing', and how I can make a woman truly happy"
After a few minutes God said, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?
You are the Dark Lord Sauron, You arn't out to do
evil deeds you just wan't what is
yours.....which to you is everything. (Please
Rate!)
Which Evil Guy are you (Seven possiblities, with images*updated*)
brought to you by Quizilla
Nominated for 12 BAFTAS and 11 Oscars... Winner of 4 Golden Globes, recipient of Empire Magazine reader's best film ever, (FOTR) and positon 3 (TTT) and, even thought it wasn't allowed to be in the poll as it wasn't released until a month after the poll started, ROTK came in at number 8 - they had so many votes, even though it was technically not allowed, they felt they had to include it...
IT'S LOTR!!!!!!!!!!!!