At last month’s First Tuesday dinner, like most First Tuesday dinners so far, the guests were a mix of people who had met before and people who hadn’t. At this particular dinner, there was one friend of mine who was meeting everybody else for the very first time. I’ll call her Laura because that’s her name. (Hi, Laura!)

Dinner (as usual) was lively and fun, full of friendly chatter and easy conversations. It didn’t take but a few minutes for Laura to fold right in with our other friends, all of whom were at least acquainted beforehand. (Hi, Amber, Rachel, Vicki, Duston, and Gabby!)

As the evening wrapped up, there was a flurry of activity for a few busy minutes as people were clearing the table, putting dishes into the sink, grabbing their things, exchanging hugs, calling out thanks for coming/thanks for having us, dogs barking their disapproval at the departures all the while.

“Gosh, I sure love those dinners!” I exclaimed to James as I closed and locked the front door, following him back to the kitchen in the relative quiet.

And there stood Laura, a bemused look on her face. She’d been part of the commotion as we were all tidying up, but had dipped down the hall to the restroom just as the other friends started filing out the door.

She’d missed the whole “good bye” part.

Laughingly, she cast her eyes towards the empty foyer and called out, “It was really nice to meet everyone!”

I laughed too, in an “oh shoot!” kind of way, and then something caught my eye.

It was Gabby, emerging at the front door with a smile, gently tapping on the glass.

“Oh!” I said, quickly glancing around, “I wonder if she left something behind!”

But then.

I see Duston behind her, then Vicki, followed by Amber and Rachel, too.

Everyone was back.

I opened the door, quizzically, to a mix of voices all expressing the same thing:

“Where’s Laura?!”

My friends had left our house and walked down the driveway, chatting amongst themselves, and the way I understand it, as they started to disperse to their individual vehicles, someone said, wait, where’s Laura?

There was consensus: I thought Laura just walked out with us!

There was consensus: I didn’t say goodbye to her, either.

There was consensus: We’re going back.

And they did.

They came back. They weren’t going to leave without saying goodbye to their new buddy.

(The dogs were thrilled.)

Laura was beaming. It made her night.

I was verklempt. It made mine, too.

I’m adding it to the pile of affirmations I’ve been collecting for the better part of a year: moving here was right, starting these monthly dinners was right, nurturing these friendships was right, choosing to build community and invest in relationships here was right, creating a regular container where people feel welcome is right.

And here I am telling you the story almost a full month later, and I notice I’m smiling, feeling those warm fuzzies all over again.

That also feels right. That feels like the kind of life I want to be living.

Well done, me.

As expected, this past month was a busy one where it seemed like I spent almost as much time an hour away in Madison as I did at home.

My niece turned 18 on a Monday and graduated high school the following Friday; my other niece “promoted” to high school on the Wednesday in between. My sister and I went to see a singer/songwriter we adored in college, Melissa Ferrick, at a small neighborhood music venue, and we laughed so hard we cried. My mom had dental surgery, and I drove her to and fro. There was a graduation party, and my parents also moved into a new apartment, so I made a couple different trips to assist with that endeavor, too.

There’s also been a lot going on in the city we actually live in. Brunches, dinners, weekly friend walks, and James’s inaugural trip to Summerfest, which, according to the Guinness Book of World Records, is indeed The World’s Largest Music Festival. We’d been to the festival grounds before, years ago for Harley Fest, and also weeks ago for Pride Fest, but Summerfest is the OG, so we had to make it happen.

No regrets.

❤️ This Month’s Pocket of Peace: Let’s Get Outta Here

It’s been ready, set, summer over here, but no matter where our calendar is taking us, I take solace in knowing that what I carry with me - literally and figuratively - can help me feel grounded, cared for, and even more socially confident.

A Few Things I Typically Have At the Ready Because I Like It That Way:

• A Pouch of Quick, Effective Self-Care Basics Think: hand lotion, cuticle cream, lip balm, lipstick, mints, lozenges, ibuprofen, eye drops, band-aids, hair ties, barrettes, a nail file, eyeglass cloth, etc. I use these items for their intended uses, but only sometimes is the need legitimate - a tickle in my throat, say, or dry lips. The rest of the time (most of the time), they are used as props to give my hands something purposeful to do, which is a calming technique I use often to soothe myself in social situations.

• Aromatherapy Don’t sleep on the power of scent, my friend, especially if you also tend to need calming techniques in social situations. My go-to is primarily in the form of oil rollers (lavender to calm me down, On Guard for germ protection, eucalyptus for congestion, and mint for digestion), but lately I’m real into these things called MoxE essential oil blend…sniff sticks? My friend Tiffany introduced me to them (Hi, Tiffany!) and now I have a bunch, stashed all over the place, including my desk, purse, and car.

• Mantra(s): When I climb into a car, my own or otherwise, I try to picture my destination, send love ahead, and offer up the following request: quickly, safely, and without incident. As in, may I arrive as such. When I am on the road driving amongst traffic, I repeat a variation of this thought: I am so grateful to be surrounded by careful, cheerful, conscientious drivers, every day but especially today.

• Tissue (this is a know thyself addition - as we’ve established, criers gonna cry, so I try to avoid having to sniffle into my sleeve if I can help it.)

💌 What creature comforts do you take out and about with you on a regular basis?

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Putting a Shape Around July

🧡Guiding Thought: Clear is kind.

💛Top Goal: One of my besties from California has the chance to visit me for 29 hours at the end of the month, and I am full of joyful determination to make the most of it - she has a short list of activity requests that I am only too happy to indulge (i.e. “your favorite thrift store”). I can’t wait to have her here.

💚Looking Forward to: a safe trip north to spend some time in a rustic cabin on a beautiful lake with a group of high school girlfriends in honor of the year we all turn 50. I was touched to be included and am very much looking forward to it: re-connecting with friendly faces is sort of my favorite thing to do these days.

🩵What I Love About This Time of Year: fireflies/lightening bugs; thunderstorms (sorry, Georgie); s’mores; sparklers; Freedom Democracy Truth

💙An Ideal Outcome this month looks like: successfully navigating the train to and from Chicago for a day to meet with a client!

💜Reading, Recently:

• 📖Everything is Tuberculosis by John Green - I read it for book club, which means I got to watch an author meet with him about the book, and it’s really quite fascinating, the way tuberculosis (tb) has shaped, well, pretty much everything around us today. One of the “fun facts” that stuck out to me: Pasadena, California, was first founded as a tb colony!

• 📖The Last Black Unicorn , by Tiffany Haddish, another random thrift store find. I knew who Tiffany Haddish was before reading this, but now I feel like I KNOW know her, which is sort of the point of a memoir, so hats off. I’d read her again in a heartbeat; I like her writing style.

• 📖The Tell, by Amy Griffin. Another memoir, even touching on some of the same themes, but this one written in a much heavier tone, and with more loose ends. Not my favorite, but I applaud any author who will stand up and tell their story in hopes of it helping someone else out there.

• 📖Heirloom Rooms, by Erin Napier. Stories (with gorgeous pictures) about how beloved rooms came to be. Right up my alley.

🩷Watching, Lately:

• Sirens (Netflix): A little quirky, a little puzzling, a little intriguing. Great cast.

• And Just Like That (Max): I’m going to level with you, it’s not great. But SATC runs through my veins, so I’m not sure how to not watch. So be it.

• Theresa Caputo: Raising Spirits (Hulu): I don’t believe in guilty pleasures, but if I did, I think this show would qualify. It’s almost identical in format to her former show (Long Island Medium), with the only real changes being that she’s divorced now and has bigger hair.

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In closing, I want to tell you how I recently re-connected with a college pal (from the dorms freshman year!) for the first time in decades, and James and I accepted an 11th hour invitation to attended her 50th birthday party on the Solstice, where I was re-introduced to a handful people I used to know…peripherally…for a brief time…way back when, people I had legitimately forgotten about.

One woman caught me off guard with a gigantic bear hug when she spotted me, and as she swayed me back and forth squealing with delight, I thought to myself, Oh dear, this is so embarrassing - she clearly thinks I’m someone else, she thinks I’m someone she knows.

As our hug released, she immediately turned and introduced herself to James with a smile, and all my memories clicked into place. I am someone she knows. Or at least, I used to be. In any case, it took zero more seconds for my delight to catch up with hers.

What a treat, to be flooded with happy recollections all at once like that. She gave me a gift by just existing, how about that.

It turns out for all her light, her bright, her bubbly, this woman has known deep sadness since our lives last overlapped, and as my husband and I drove home that night, I pondered all I’d learned at the party. I’ve been thinking about it ever since.

Truly no one gets out of this life unscathed.

Everyone is carrying something.

How incredible, then, the way people can wear that invisible weight of the residual trauma, tragedy, suffering, and sorrow, and show up anyway.

We are resilient creatures. This is so, yes, but also…

It is no small thing to be kind.

Enjoy July.

with love,

Alex