Special Agent Alicia "Ali" Sullivan

Cutest Godson Ever

2010-05-28T11:03:30Z

Sort of makes me feel like giving it another shot...

For musebyrp

2010-04-01T08:48:22Z

LINK: Oh my god, it's been two months since any disasters. Am I in the Twilight Zone?

Just in case, I'm touching wood left, right and centre.

And damnit, I'm 30 in a few months. I shouldn't still giggle-snort at "touching wood", nor should I have an urge to blow bubbles in my chocolate milk.

musebysentence | 53.1. Mother

2010-02-05T11:41:51Z

LINK: More to it than belly rubbing and glowing prettily like a goddess dancing through daises.

44.8. Disbelief

2010-01-06T11:42:46Z

LINK: I baked... a cake... and now I need to be committed.

musebysentence | 42.7. Brave

2009-12-28T04:57:40Z

LINK: Ali wasn't religious, even if she was Christened when she was a baby, and she wouldn't know why she found herself in front of a church plucking up the courage to go inside and light a candle for her lost babies except that she felt like she needed to.

42.6. Bitch

2009-12-27T00:02:07Z

LINK: She didn't care if she was a bitch, or had a reputation for being one, and if anyone didn't like it, they could kiss her fucking pale (slightly less firm due to childbirth) English arse.

New Years Meme

2009-12-25T10:19:57Z

1. Was 2009 a good year for you? Why? The best of my life, because I married the love of my life.

2. What was your favorite moment of the year? I have three. Being proposed to, hearing Andrew say 'I do', and my baby girl's first word.

3. What was your least favorite moment of the year? The miscarriage... miscarriages

4. Where were you when 2009 began? On the bathroom floor with Andrew while we vomited our guts up.

5. Who were you with? Andrew

6. Where will you be when 2009 ends? Probably at a party if I can move out of the comfy chair.

7. Who will you be with when 2009 ends? With the critters and my family My family.

8. Did you keep your New Year's Resolutions of 2009? I don't make them, I never fucking keep them.

9. Do you have (a) New Year's Resolution(s) for 2010? No, fuck off.

10. Did you fall in love in 2009? I fall in love with my husband every day. Cheesy, I know, so fucking sue me.

11. If yes, with who? Andrew

12. If yes, do they know? Of course he knows, he married me.

13. Are you still in love with them? Yes, always will be.

14. You regret it? Never.

15. Did you break up with anyone in 2009? No.

16. Did you make any new friends in 2009? Sort of... more I got to know people better than I already did.

17. Who are your favorite new friends? I'd have to say Andy's Leila and her soldier, plus his sponsor is a sweetheart too.

18. What was your favorite month of 2009? June, October, and November. Shut up, I'm hormonal, I'm allowed to have more than one.

19. Did you travel outside of your country of residence in 2009? Yes.

20. How many different states / provinces did you travel to in 2009? Just Jersey and Boston in America.

21. Did you lose anybody close to you in 2009? My unborn babies count.

22. Did you miss anybody in the past year? Yes, my best friends.

23. What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2009? The Hangover.

24. What was your favorite song from 2009? Haven't had much time to listen to the Top 100

25. What was your favorite record from 2009? See above.

26. How many concerts did you see in 2009? Had a pretty damn awesome one for my wedding.

27. Did you have a favorite concert in 2009? See above.

28. Did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2009? None.

29. Did you do a lot of drugs in 2009? I smoked a joint, but I'm not saying when.

30. How many people did you sleep with in 2009? One, just many many times.

31. Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year? Yes.

33. What was the worst lie someone told you in 2009? "I'm fine."

34. Did you treat somebody badly in 2009? Inadvertently.

35. Did somebody treat you badly in 2009? No.

36. How much money did you spend in 2009? As much as I fucking wanted to.

37. What was your proudest moment of 2009? Accepting Andrew's proposal, getting married, Sunshine's first steps.

38. What was your most embarrassing moment of 2009? Oh fuck, I don't know. I'm always embarrassing myself.

39. If you could go back in time to any moment of 2009 and change something, what would it be? I'd be happy I was pregnant right off the bat.

40. What are your plans for 2010? ~~Give Andrew a baby of his own.~~ Get an arse tattoo.

musebysentence | 41.1. Abandon

2009-12-24T08:28:09Z

LINK: Time to give up trying... at least for now.

musesandlyrics | 2.7. Unknown quote

2009-12-24T06:30:35Z

2.7. "Promises are like babies: easy to make, hard to deliver."
Unknown

Co-written with agentfraser

James let himself into Ali's apartment with the key he had, just like she told him to when she called. The place was dark, all the blinds drawn with just a couple of lamps on here and there. She hadn't gone into much detail on the phone, just asked him if he could come around and keep her company while Andrew was in Chicago for some conference. He wouldn't be home until Christmas Eve, James knew Ali well enough to know just from the tone of her voice that she really could use some company. He found her curled up on the sofa, a blanket wrapped around her legs and wearing one of Andrew's large paramedic jerseys. She was nursing a mug of something, and the TV remote control was in easy reach while the large screen mounted on the wall looked like it was playing an old Eighties movie of some sort, if the clothing and hairstyles were anything to go by.

He shrugged his coat off and draped it over the back of the nearby recliner before dumping his wallet and keys on the coffee table. Taking the seat beside her, he stroked his fingers through her hair and took her hand. For the first time in a long time, he was able to drop everything and come to her when she asked. He didn't let her down this time. For some reason, he had expected her to be in tears, but she wasn't. She just looked tired and down. Maybe she wasn't feeling well? "Is there a reason for the Bat Call, or do you just want me to sit here quietly and not say anything?" he asked her with a small smile. But he frowned as he looked over her face gave his head a slight shake. "What's wrong, Al? Something's not right."

Ali pressed her lips together and shook her, but she managed a faint smile in return. "Nope, not really. But I'm okay. Will be okay. I just didn't want to sit here alone. I tried calling Iz, but Fi said she was sleeping, so I didn't want to bother her. I'll give her a call a bit later." She paused, drawing a deep shaky breath and letting it out slowly. "I was out with Sunshine doing some last minute shopping, she was crying and there were people everywhere. I had stomach pains, and they just got worse. They had been there on and off for a few days, so I made an appointment with my doctor. I didn't want to be fucking sick for Christmas. I got a cancellation appointment about an hour later, so I went right there. In the elevator up there, I got dizzy and felt like I was going to pass out, so I knelt down on the floor. I swear, I thought I lost control of myself and peed and crapped myself, but I was bleeding. I was pregnant, Jimbo. I didn't even know. About three or four weeks." She shook her head. "Wasn't meant to be... again."

James was surprised he didn't fall off the sofa in shock. It was the last thing he expected her to say. "Are- Are you okay? Al? Are you okay?" he repeated in concern. He took her hand, holding it between his as he watched her closely. "Why aren't you in hospital like last time? Does Andrew know? Did you call him, is he coming home? What can I do? Where's Sunshine?" He knew the questions were falling from his lips like some sort of unintentional interrogation, but he wasn't sure what else he could do. She needed to call the shots, he didn't want to do something that might just upset her. All he wanted to do was help, in some way. If possibly even could. Two miscarriages in six months, it seemed barbaric, and he was wondering how she was holding it together so well.

"She's sleeping. She's fine, just exhausted from shopping. I just... I think I'm okay, maybe I won't be at some point, but I am now. I didn't know, so I'm just confused about whether I should be grieving or not. Three weeks pregnant isn't much. My doctor said it's a natural miscarriage, it'll just end itself after a few days of bleeding, feeling like crap. The last time I was... it was too far along. It needed..." She waved her hand, not sure she could say the words. "This will just pass on it's own. I called, but he was unavailable. I left a message, but I-I didn't tell him. I didn't want him getting upset and maybe... drinking, alone, in Chicago. But I realised I wasn't giving him credit and I was just scared, so I called the hotel and left a message asking him to call me when he gets in. I know he has to know. See? I'm sane. I just... I thought I had my period, a few days ago. There was some cravings, maybe a slight bit of nausea, but not enough to make me think. Why would I, you know? I know after everything it probably seems like I should be freaking out and crying and all the other things I've hardly been able to control before, but I'm... okay. I am. Just feel a little flat, and I miss Andrew. I'd just give anything to have him here right now."

James looked at his watch. "Do you want me to try and get a hold of him again? I can pull some strings, get him on a flight this afternoon. He'll be home tonight. You just have to say the word, Al," he told her, watching her closely. He sighed softly and kissed her hand. "When are you going to get a break, huh? I'm so sorry, love. I know how much you want this. How hard you're trying. Why don't I go get Iz? She can come over and we can all eat loads of junk food and watch... Dirty Dancing? Grease? Monty Python? We'll stay until Andrew comes home, we can help you out with Sunshine. And if you want to cry, you can cry, and we'll be here with loads of Kleenex and ice cream."

The reflexive part of Ali's brain was trying to kick in and turn down his offers so she wasn't a bother for him. But the stronger side had her nodding and squeezing his hand gratefully. It was like the old days, they were always there as a threesome when things went wrong, Monty Python marathons more than a tradition when one of them was having a bad day. "I'd really like that," she agreed quietly and leaned forward to kiss his forehead. "And if you can pull some strings to get him home, it would... really mean a lot to me."

James just kissed her cheek back and gave her a long hug, rubbing her back. He was awed that she was crying when his throat felt tight like he wanted to himself. He meant it when he promised her he would make up all the bad times for her, and he would walk to Chicago himself to bring Andrew home if he had to. But that all aside, even though it came on yet another heartache for Ali, for the first time since he walked out on their lives and then returned, right at that moment, he felt more like his old self than he had in a long time. How had he missed for so long that nothing was ever going to feel right without his two best friends beside him?

Word Count | 1,276

musebysentence | 41.2. Acknowledge

2009-12-21T06:55:21Z

LINK: How can you miss something you didn't even know was there?

Fuck it all to hell

2009-12-06T09:08:20Z

That's it. I'm having a smoke.

~~And I want to get drunk.~~

RP LOG with agentfraser & isabelowens | Intervention

2009-12-06T03:46:48Z

[Way back-dated to the day after THIS. Follows THIS and THIS]

The night before for Ali had been sobering. She and Andrew had gone for a drive to a quiet place just beyond the border, though it was evident, despite their earlier joking, that Andrew was quite subdued. They were rugged up in thick coats and got out to sit on a park bench together. At first, they just sat quietly watching the stars of the chilled night with Ali stroking her fingers affectionately through Andrew's hair. But they started talking, and Andrew admitted that since their wedding, he had been really missing his Dad. It just wasn't helping that it was getting close to teh anniversary of his death, and the whole thing was just making Andrew sad. He told Ali is was like a rollercoaster of emotions. On one hand, he was ecstatic about their wedding, and being married, and the prospect of them about to celebrate Jamie's first birthday. All that was the prominent feelings for him, but sometimes, when he just couldn't stop them, the saddness crept up on him and that's when he started feeling the urge to drink. Just like that night. Ali asked him what it felt like, and then told him of her decision to give up alcohol too. Andrew had been touched by her choice, but also tried to talk her out it. He didn't want her to go without just because of him. But Ali had always been characteristically stubborn. She made her choice, and that was it. If she couldn't at least do this for him, what could she do. Inevitably, though, Andrew eventually got upset thinking about his Dad, and they ended the evening with Ali just sitting and holding her husband while he cried quietly. The drive home was quiet when Andrew, drained from the emotions, fell asleep while Ali navigated her way back into New York. It gave her a lot of time to think, and she decided that even if it did hurt James didn't at least call her to tell her about his son's birth, life was just too fucking short... often shorter than anyone could anticipate.

It was that which had Ali finally coming to the hospital to visit James, Harri and their new addition. Andrew joined her with Sunshine, so at least she was going in with a united front in case her anger decided to kick in anyway. It had hurt not to be involved, feeling like it had further clawed open the gap she was already feeling between herself, James, and Izzy. Part of her did blame them for their constant sexual dancing around each other which had finally ended with some resolution. But she knew that couldn't be where the entire blame got laid. There was just a lot of hurt on her part, and she knew she was self-preserving because of it. She didn't trust them like she used to, and she had to get that back if they wanted to nurture that friendship they used to have.

It seemed, though, that she wasn't the only one who thought that. One minute, she was standing in the hall with Andrew, who had been nursing Sunshine, and then the next, he disappeared and returned with Izzy and James. Ali had questioned him, and wondered why James was asking Andrew if he was okay, but all in the blink of an eye, Andrew expertly lured them into a family room on the Maternity Ward, and then with a smirk, exited the room without a word and slammed the door closed behind him, Jamie still nursed securely in his arms.

Ali's new husband, the supposed innocent one, had just locked her in a room with her too semi-estranged best friends. Her hand on the doorknob, she gaped at the back of the door with a small squeak of surprise when she couldn't get the door open. She turned around, her eyes wide. "He's locked us in!" she gasped in shock.

Izzy had been trying to visit James after the last disastrous attempt that had her bumping into Cameron. She had yet to tell Ali, or James about it, but apparently she had her chance now. She had to hand it to Andrew. He had done something that made her as a prankster immensely proud of Ali's new husband. She watched Ali panic, but Iz just moved to take a seat as she made herself comfortable. She was starting to understand why pregnant women weren't exactly happy while they glowed. "It's always the quiet ones you have to watch out for. They lull you into a false sense of secruity so you believe they wouldn't hurt a fly, then just go and lock you in a hospital room."

James didn't realise what was going on at first. One minute, Andrew was standing there saying he felt really sick and needed them to help find Ali. Of course, James and Iz jumped into action to help Ali's husband, but were confused to find Ali standing out in the hallway in easy line of sight. Now that they were clearly holed up in a hospital room together, it was like a whirlwind of actions and the penny dropped that they had just well and truly been trumped. "He said he didn't feel well!" he protested, moving over next to Ali to try the door for himself. He banged his hand against the door. "Hey, this is locked! Open up!" he protested.

Ali felt her face heat up as she probably turned red from a mixture of anxiety and irritation. She pressed her lips against the crack in the door, even though she really couldn't be sure they could be heard on the other side. "OI! YOU ARE SO NOT GETTING SEX TONIGHT, CONNOR!" she growled, trying to see through the crack with no luck. She spun around, slumping against the door with a frown. This could potentially be awkward. "Is there such a thing as temporary divorce?"

"Sure, it's called separation. The thing you do before you get a divorce to see if you want to be divorced." Iz was still looking at both of her friends now with amusement. She was the only one not fussed about being locked in, and she strongly suspected it was because she just wanted to sit down and not stand anymore. Standing was overrated. "Something tells me he's not opening that door until the three of us pull our fucking fingers out and remember we're all BFFs."

James let his hand drop from the door knob and looked at Izzy in confusion. "I don't get it. He knows we're friends. What's he locking us in here for? If this is about the Campbell thing, I'm sorry! We just wanted you to have an awesome honeymoon because you needed the time together and we didn't expect him to come when he did, he wasn't due for another two weeks! It was really quick, too, and probably around the time you guys would have been having awesome consummating married sex. Did you really want that interrupted? Married sex! It's supposed to be fucking brilliant!" he protested, waving his hand helplessly and backing away just a little in case Ali decided to turf one of the plastic chairs at him.

Maybe not quite a chair, but Ali did grab him by the front of the shirt and pressed him roughly up against the door. "By my fucking married arse, Jimbo!" she growled and gave him a sharp forehead slap. "That's for thinking like and idiot! What, are you fucked in the head? How could you think that? You get one shot at a first born and you promised me you wouldn't keep anymore secrets, you gigantic lying piece of toe fungus!"

Izzy's eyebrows went up as she witnessed the forehead slap. "James, James, James... Have I taught you nothing over the years? No distance is enough for a chick intent on a slap. And for the record, thanks for letting Fi be the one to tell me about the birth. Ali doesn't believe me, but it's true, isn't it? And since we're on the topic of not keeping secrets, thanks for warning me Cameron was in the hospital when I was coming to visit."

James tried to struggle out of Ali's grip, but she was bloody strong when she wanted to be. "What the fuck?!" he finally snapped, staring at Izzy like she had gone mental. "I left you four friggen voicemail messages on your phone before Harri even got through the first part of the labour! I only left a message on Fiona's voicemail when you wouldn't fucking answer! And how am I suppose to fucking warn you of something when you're avoiding me like the plague and I haven't seen you?! You know what? This is fucked! Neither of you are ever going to trust me again, so maybe we all should just fucking go our separate ways!" He finally dislodged himself from Ali's hands and stepped away from them, looking at them like they had both literally slapped him in the face simultaneously. This sucked. He was supposed to be goddamn happy.

Ali lost her strength when James started to protest back, taking her off guard and giving him the ability to break free. When he made the comment about the trust, she faltered, even if she was still frowning. She could think of about five hundred things she wanted to yell at them both, but every time something came to the tip of her tongue, she just felt like crying instead. "You both suck!" was all she could manage, her voice wavering as she tucked her arms protectively around her and fought the urge to pace.

"I'm sorry," Iz said to James, her hands up in the air in surrender. She aimed it at Ali as well, her shoulders slumping in defeat. "I don't even know how things got so fucked up. Besides... fucking. And you can't divorce friends! We're meant to be the ones that last forever. Marriages are supposed to come and go, but friends are meant to last. And I'm not avoiding anyone! Much. I don't want to go our serparate ways. I miss you both. I miss us. The three of us us."

"Marriage leads to getting incarcerated in a bloody hospital room!" James threw back, his eyes landing on Ali in exasperation. "You said he was innocent! This isn't innocent. It's unlawful kidnapping! If we kill each other, he could be liable, you know." He growled softly and started to pace, unable to fight the urge like Ali was doing. "How are we ever going to go back to how we were? You both can't trust me enough to piss on me if I was on fire, Ali wants to dangle my balls from the ceiling in a bloody mess. I'm tired of trying to get everything right only to continuously fuck everything up all over again. I don't know what to do to make things better anymore. I can't believe either of you would think I would choose not to want you here for my son's birth. I wanted you both here. I tried calling you, Iz, but I just assumed you didn't come because of Harri, and Al... you were so happy at the wedding with Andrew. Bursting happy. I haven't seen you like that since your early Mark days. You needed a break. I made a stupid decision because I wanted to help you, not hurt you. And Iz, I... I just... I stopped trying to call you when you didn't call me back. I didn't even think you might not have got the messages, and I'm sorry. If you had, you might have slapped some sense into me and told me to call Ali anyway and all this fucked up shit wouldn't have happened, you would have been some of the first people to meet him, like it should have been. Just like we should have been some of the first people to meet Jamie."

This was the first time Ali had actually heard James acknowledge his regret over missing Jamie's birth. She was going to start crying, of course she was. She had been like a bad pelvic floor muscle leaking all over the place since she had been pregnant with Jamie. A small sob escaped before she could catch it and she just nodded in agreement. She wasn't going to point fingers again, lay the guilt trip on for them leaving her alone. All she wanted was acknowledgement of what they missed. That was all.

Iz got up off the sofa, and made her way over to Ali. Sometimes there were things that were worth standing for, even when you wanted to chop your feet off at the ankles. Izzy put her arms around her friend as best she could and kissed the top of Ali's head as tears of her own started to well up in her eyes. "You know I would have been there as your yelling board if I hadn't been so fucked in the head. But you're right... about everything. About why things got fucked up, and I'm sorry." Isabel glanced over at James. "You know I wouldn't have missed Campbell's birth for anything. Or at least you should have known that. No amount of potential ex awkwardness would have stopped me. I honestly didn't get any of your messages. Guess my voicemail has it in for me and you, too."

"I didn't know," James told her quietly, looking at her sadly and regretfully. "I don't know a whole lot with either of you lately, and I wish I did. I just thought it got too far, there was no turning back. Jesus, Al, all I seem to be able to do do lately is hurt you or not be there when you need me. And then Jamie started to pull away from me, and that really hurt. It stunned me how much it hurt because I realised what a fuckhead I've been, and it was even worse because I was trying to make things better and it was just all compounding all around me again. I just wanted to get things right for once. Just once. I thought going back to Iz would be that, but it was just... something wasn't missing. It wasn't. Just, other things were added. Cameron and Harri. Campbell, and whoever is in there," he said, gesturing to Izzy's stomach. "Sunshine, and then Ali turns around and becomes a wife before any of us really have a chance to stop and realise that maybe we all did fucking finally grow up and stop running away."

Ali wanted to protest that she hadn't run anywhere, but it wasn't true. He was right. He was so painfully right that it cause more tears to spill over her cheeks and probably mean Iz would be left with a snot trail on her jacket. She might not have physically run anywhere, but she had been running from herself ever since the break up with Mark. She was forced to stop when she became a mother, it just took a year for the rest of her to catch up with herself. The terrified part that was scared to change. "I'm just kinda glad the door is locked so neither of you can bugger off on me right now," she said tearfully, trying to wipe the wetness from her cheeks. "Because ever since you both got back, I just keep waiting for you to go again, and I don't know how to stop that," she said with another sob, feeling guilty about the admission.

"I..." Iz started, swallowing down a lump in her throat. The conversation with Cameron was replaying through her mind, and she sighed. In the interest of not keeping secrets there was something she had to tell Ali and James. "It's not running if it's a move for a different reason, right? Not an escape, but going to something. Cameron's... he's going home after Christmas. England home," she clarified. "And I said I'd follow him if that was what he wanted. Because he was right. I never once offered to go to him, or follow him anywhere. It was all about me, and me yanking his chain, and he doesn't even feel anything towards the babies because I yanked it all away. I grew up the same moment my ass went crashing to Earth and left me with fucking gravel rash. And the whole thing with James--with you--" Iz held James' gaze as she stroked her fingers through Ali's hair, "you're still my rock. You're still my constant when everything else is fucking up around me, and maybe that's a mistake. Harri and Campbell are your rocks now. And me and Ali will always be... something rocklike but not rocks. I need to find my rock again. I got lost when everything suddenly changed around me, and I didn't recognise anything. I'm sorry to both of you. So much."

By the time she was finished talking, James was just staring at her, an odd sick feeling settling deep in his gut. It seemed that they really were never going to have a chance to get back on track. She wanted to move away to England. At least, that's what it sounded like. She didn't actually indicate anywhere there that she had reunited with Cameron. Pat or Aiden hadn't said anything along those lines either and James realised that he really didn't want her to go. Trying to live without her and Ali had been a big portion of what screwed with his head. But he found himself nodding, even if he was swallowing heavily. He felt close to tears himself now, and when he spoke, his voice was hoarse and choke. "Sure," he agreed softly with a nod. "You gotta do what you gotta do."

Ali was nodding, even if her face had crumbled more and more tears spilled over like a waterfall now. Hearing that Izzy wanted to move away was a shock, and she had to sit down herself, taking the chair closest to her. She knew she was just jetlagged and hormonal, but it wasn't easy. None of this was. It was well overdue and they all knew it, and Ali found herself drawing on the comfort that her husband and daughter were somewhere on the other side of the door waiting for her to try and make peace with her friends, because said husband had picked up on how much it meant to Ali without her having to say much about it. He was more than her rock, he was her bloody whole meteor. It just didn't make it less aching to hear Iz might just not be a big part of her life anymore. She dug around in her handbag for tissues, but all she could find was one of Jamie's bibs, which she used as a makeshift hanky. She hated the times when the tears felt like they would never let up. "Fuck, at least I know I'm not pregnant."

Iz stood for a moment in the same spot she'd been comforting Ali, just looking at James. She was trying to read past the nod because she didn't think he did agree. He just wasn't going to say otherwise. And she actually hadn't said she would move. She doubted Cameron wanted her following him now. She was just a reminder of how much he'd been screwed over. Between the knee, the pregnancy, and Izzy abandoning him, she really couldn't blame him if he had just told her outright to fuck off. But he didn't. Iz continued to look at James, and ran her tongue along her lips in thought. "I didn't say I'd be going. I just said... Cam was just right. As are you, and Ali. None of us are quite making the right moves. Except Ali when she got married, and you when you went back to Harri. They were the right moves. I'm still figuring mine out. Maybe all he needed to know was that me following him was a possibility. Sometimes it's just a verbal give and take that's enough." Isabel was moving over to Ali again, offering some tissues of her own from inside her handbag. "I'm sorry it's not working out yet, Al."

James moved one of the other chairs over up close beside Ali. He wasn't sure if he should touch her at first, but he slipped his arm around her and kissed her head. Ali hadn't mentioned anything to him about how her baby-making attempts were going, but Iz's comment was enough to alert him. He looked up at Izzy helplessly, even though he knew this really wasn't something either of them could help Ali with. It was just one of those things you would give your right nut to help, though. It really was time for him to start realising that Ali still needed a lot of support. She was still floundering in shit alone. She needed her best friends. Izzy probably did too, but again, James wasn't sure how he could help her if she moved away to England. How they could be a threesome BFF unit again. She was the turning point for him, the reason he put himself in a coma to come back as James. Sure, he did it for Harri and Campbell, but he could have continued undercover and still been there for them. He came back this old life for Ali and Izzy. He just never expected it to be this hard. He only realised he was still looking up at Izzy in bewildered confusion over her choice, still not offering anything as to his thoughts. He just cleared his throat and averted his eyes from her. He couldn't be any bearing on her decisions anymore. He would get another partner, and he would continue trying to make things up to Ali, while Izzy tried to find what she needed in England.

"There's nothing to be sorry about, it's fine," Ali said, taking the tissues to wipe her eyes and nose. "It's just on the sidelines, no bother." They had to at least get through December first. She wasn't sure how well Andrew was going to cope with his recent falling off the booze wagon. She didn't think it was going to be easy. At least they had Jamie's first birthday to look forward to. And if Izzy decided to go away, then email would just have to work. Or Ali would need to learn how to lean on other people.

Izzy still had the feeling her two friends had her bags packed, and she wasn't even going anywhere. It had been an idea. It just seemed like no matter what move she made she'd be leaving someone behind. Of course, it really was all premature. There was no way Cameron was taking her back anytime soon. She just hoped the fact he had the ultrasound photo now would give him something to start to bond to the kids with. He would be a good father if he just let himself. Even if Isabel just had to accept the fact he'd be in her life for them, and no other reason. She'd take them to England to see them if that was where he wanted to stay. She'd just learn to deal. And hopefully it would be better than her usual attempts. "Well, we're here if you want to talk. Both of us. And if you want to do the distraction thing, we can do that, too. I have a billion balloons for Jamie's party."

Ali was digging around in her handbag looking for her cell phone. She wasn't going to yell at Andrew. Or maybe just not yell loudly. But the little pocket she usually kept the phone in was empty and a string of colourful expletives fell from her lips as she sniffled back more tears. "Bloody fucking Australian piece of shit wanker tossers," she cursed, shooting James a default glare. Andrew had taken her phone, too! He knew she would probably try to call him to tell him off for his stunt. "What is it with me and Australians?" she complained. It wasn't fair, either, because a year and a half quitting, she really wanted a friggen smoke. "I need a fucking smoke!" she had to declare in frustration and kicked the bottom of a nearby chair for emphasis.

James pressed his lips together. "Don't look at me. The building is non-smoking. I haven't got any with me. I probably need to try and quit anyway, for the kid," he realised, even if he knew he was going to fail miserably. Smoking was stress relief. "I need a fuck, that's what I need. If he doesn't let us out of here soon, I'm getting myself off. Just a warning." He glanced up at Izzy and then exhaled heavily. It didn't take a genius to know there was no way either of them would probably be as close friends as they were trying to be again if she went to England. But life was full of shit choices. James knew that better than anyone, because he kept making the wrong ones.

Izzy smirked as she met James' gaze. She didn't want to dwell on the negatives anymore. "Don't look at me, Fraser. I gave up sex when I stopped fucking you. You're just going to have to turn around and jerk off into the corner. Not sure Harri would be too impressed otherwise." She then bit her lip as she looked sheepishly at Ali, and reached into her purse to fish out a packet of cigarettes and a lighter. "I haven't been smoking!" she exclaimed hastily. "I just... carry them."

Ali took the cigarettes with a groan. "You weren't supposed to give them to me!" She squished them between her hands and scrunched her nose up. "No, I have to be strong. I do. Andrew isn't going to want to kiss an ashtray." It was tempting to just light up, though. Once a nicotine addict, always a nicotine addict. But if they set the fire alarms off, they would probably be stuck in here even longer and she was pretty sure she could easily tap into a latent claustrophobia if she tried hard enough. "If his arse wasn't so fucking hot, I would be kicking it by now. He's on my naughty list. You all are, just saying."

James scratched his forehead with his thumb. "Yeah, don't I have a permanent spot on the top of that list already? Written in blood, probably?" he said wryly. The smokes were tempting him, too. Now he wanted a fuck and a smoke. And maybe a pee. "I need a pee," he felt the need to share with them. "Maybe a crap, too. Just saying," he added with a smirk.

"I need a pee, a fuck, a smoke, a crap, and a cry. Just saying," Izzy replied with a grin. "Maybe chocolate. And hugs. I can deal with the naughty list so long as it means we're still friends." She pressed a kiss to Ali's temple and rest her head against her friend's. "You're going to get angry make-up sex. If this even counts as a fight. Just think about that, Al. I'm never going to get sex again, and James has to still wait five weeks."

Ali tilted her head in thought. "Hm. He really does give a good pounding when spurred on enough. I'm still angry at him, though, and it's not fucking fair. You both made me want to pee and crap too. The power of suggestion. Anyone says a threesome and I might actually be up for it," she joked. "And I am such a bitch, but I am so fucking proud of myself right now that I'm getting lots of awesome sex and you both are getting none. Ha. This is payback for last year when you were bollocking each other at every turn and I was vomiting with hemorrhoids and flatulence. And payback for when I had a miscarriage and couldn't get fucked while you were fucking each other again. You can whine all you want, but I've got no sympathy for either of you. Come back and bitch to me when you've had a four year drought. Welcome to my world. I think I might fuck my husband in the hot tub, tonight. Multiple orgasms, lots of tongue action."

James groaned. "You're an evil bitch," he agreed with a nod. "It's worse knowing we deserve it, too. Is it really six weeks you can't have sex after you have a kid?" he moaned, rubbing his hands over his face.

"Hm," Ali agreed non-committally. "Unless you like anal." She merely smirked when James' mouth dropped open and he fell silent.

"Does Harri like anal would be more to the point," Izzy felt the need to insert considering she was the one still pregnant in the room. And right now she didn't like the idea of anal given just how much flatulence she was suffering from. And the hemmoroids. As if her body felt need to remind others of the fact, a loud fart escape and she held her hand up in apology. "Personally I'm okay with a drought. I don't need sex fucking with my head again. I'll just stick with a vibrator. Less trouble. Hey, maybe Harri can stick a big rubber dildo up your ass, James. Since we all know you like anal. Although if Al did want to fool around a little bit I wouldn't say no. Maybe girls are safer. Less cock trouble. Think Andy would like to watch?"

"Yet, you're the one bitching about not getting any," James threw back with a small frown. "And that was a fucking low blow, Iz. Thank you for bringing that up. Appreciate it."

Ali rubbed at her head. "I meant Harri." She could already feel comments building in her ready to jump to Andrew's defense. "I asked for it. I asked him to do it. I wanted to have sex with him. I was falling in love with him and I didn't want to wait any longer. I'm not apologising for it. It had been a long fucking time since someone loved me enough to have sex with me no matter how shit I looked or felt."

"Sorry, I didn't mean it as a low blow," Iz mumbled. And she hadn't. It was perhaps just a comment that had come out blunter than she'd intended. "Was just trying to help. And I wasn't bitching! Just stating a fact. I'll shut up now, okay?" She looked at Ali. "You don't need to explain. I think it's nice that you two had a way. Maybe James and Harri should have a way, too. How long until you take her and Campbell home?"

It wasn't that James forgot he was bisexual. It wasn't something anyone forgot. He had just never thought about it in a physical sense since David was killed. He hadn't slept with a guy since then, and he couldn't help it if it hit like a low blow. Maybe it always would. His mind did turn to his son briefly. He couldn't help but wonder if Campbell would be straight, gay, or bisexual like James. With James and Harri like they were, and Campbell's godfathers being gay, it could really swing either way. Then with that train of thought came an unbelievably strong urge to protect his son from everything and he was so lost in his thoughts, he hadn't realised he had fallen silent.

"He's thinking about Campbell," Ali guessed quietly with a small, fond smile. She gave James a small poke to drag him out of his daydream. "This is my whole point. Sex, fucking, everything. Plays second when you have a kid. It just does. Runny noses, and baby spew, and pee, and filled nappies, and fevers, and crying, and fear and worry... all takes over. No matter how scared shitless you are, there just seems to be something inside that makes you know what you need to do."

"You're both going to be there, right?" Iz felt the need to ask. "Because I'm seriously fucking scared shitless. And you two... you're great. Al's the best mom anyone could hope for, and I know you're just going to love that boy like he's the whole world, James. You won't break him. You're going to love him too much for that to happen. I just... I have two of them! I can't even keep a fucking plant alive."

Ali fell silent. She pulled her lips in between her teeth, unable to speak at first. She hugged herself, then unfolded again and shifted in her chair. She couldn't help that part of her wanted to say no, to punish Izzy for running away and leaving her alone in exactly the same scenario she was pleading she was terrified of now. She was soon hugging herself again and her leg was bouncing a little as she looked down at her feet. She stayed quiet, really wishing Andrew would just open the door again. It might have been a year ago, but she still remembered how horrible it felt to give birth without anyone she loved there to hold on to.

"Is it really a good idea for me to be there?" James had to ask quietly. He had been watching Ali squirm, waiting for her to say something, but nothing came. "I mean, I can be there, but maybe not in the thick of things. Not if you want there to be some sort of open avenue with Cameron. The dude hates me. I had to make myself scarce while Pat introduced Campbell to his brother. I don't know if that's ever going to change. I hurt him just as much as you did. He's not going to appreciate me being there when his kids are born." As the words came out of his mouth, he realised just how much he hated there being a huge rift like that in his family now his son was here. It didn't seem fair. Maybe he needed to try and talk to Cameron? His brow furrowed in thought.

Iz nodded in agreement with James, but her eyes were on Ali. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I am so fucking sorry. I would give you a pound of my flesh if it would make you believe me. I can't take it back, Al. I can't change anything other than being here now. And I know I've fucked that up, too, but I'm... I'm trying." Iz reached out to tuck Ali's hair behind her ear. "I won't go to England. I won't go anywhere. You'll get so sick of me you'll start to tell me to fuck off. You don't have to be there. I mean, I wasn't there for you. I wasn't your yelling person, and I should have been."

Ali welled up again and shook her head, more cursing falling from her lips. It wasn't fair all this had to happen the day she got her period because she hated hormones. She had a feeling she was probably going to spend all of December in a snotty teary mess. "I'll be there, but only because it's horrible to face it on your own. You can't even... you just..." She stopped, huffing out a heavy breath to regain her composure. "It doesn't matter anyway, because if it ever happens again, Andrew will be there with me. I'm not rubbing anything in here, but you guys really need to take a leaf out of his book. You need to stop and realise that sometimes people just need to be taken care of, above what you want yourself. Harri and Cameron, for example. You're never gonna be on the same pages with them if you keep thinking of yourselves as a single unit. When it's the real deal, you've gotta become part of each other, alright? Even if you suck at it sometimes. Izzy, I know you're all scared of how Cameron is going to react when you confront him and all that shit, but go back to him. Drive to Princeton and find him and tell him you want to help him. Don't be a bloody wuss, because he needs you, you don't just need him. And James, get your fucking finger out of your hole and realise this little boy is your fresh start. David's dead. Things with Izzy have ended. Harri and Campbell. We aren't going to be able to fall easily back to being your friend if you keep half your brain and your cock in the past."

Izzy hugged Ali tightly and gave her another kiss. She turned to look at James, not even sure she could say anything more after Ali. Now days if she opened his mouth to him she just wound up hurting him, and that hurt her because he really was a huge part of her soul still. She left Ali for the moment and moved to give James a hug. Or as good as she could give with the baby bump in the way.

James hugged her back and then reached to tug Ali up into the hug too. This was better than killing each other. Ali was right. James did need to get his finger out of his hole. Maybe he needed therapy or something. Time to offload everything piled up in his head so he could move on from it. Campbell really was a fresh start, and even though James was terrified at how much committment the baby boy had created, it wasn't a horrified fear. He was excited and hopeful he could manage to pull it off. He just knew now that he needed Izzy and Ali to pull it off. He had always needed them. It was when he took himself away from them that his world fell apart. Now matter how much they had hurt each other, it was time to realise where the priorities were lying now.

Word Count | 6,368

Been awhile since I did one of these

2009-11-27T12:13:17Z

You are NOT ALLOWED to explain ANYTHING unless someone comments you and asks.

Kissed any one of your LiveJournal friends? — Yes
Been arrested? — No
Kissed someone you didn't like? — No
Slept in until 5 PM? — Yes
Fallen asleep at work/school? — Yes
Held a snake? — No
Ran a red light? — No
Been suspended from school? — No
Experienced love at first sight? — No
Totaled your car in an accident? — No

Been fired from a job? — No
Fired somebody? — No
Sung karaoke? — Yes
Pointed a gun at someone? — Yes
Did something you told yourself you wouldn't? — Yes
Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? — Yes
Caught a snowflake on your tongue? — No
Kissed in the rain? — Yes
Had a close brush with death (your own)? — Yes
Saw someone die? — Yes
Played Spin-the-Bottle? — Yes
Smoked a cigar? — Yes
Sat on a rooftop? — Yes
Smuggled something into another country? — No
Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes? — Yes
Broken a bone? — Yes
Skipped school? — Yes
Eaten a bug? — Yes
Sleepwalked? — No
Walked on a moonlit beach? — Yes
Ridden a motorcycle? — Yes
Dumped someone? — Yes
Forgotten your anniversary? — No
Lied to avoid a ticket? — No
Ridden in a helicopter? — Yes
Shaved your head? — No
Blacked out from drinking? — Yes
Played a prank on someone? — Yes
Hit a home run? — No
Felt like killing someone? — Yes
Cross-dressed? — Yes
Been falling-down drunk? — Yes
Made your girlfriend/boyfriend cry? — Yes
Eaten snake? — No
Marched/Protested? — No
Had Mexican jumping beans for pets? — No
Puked on an amusement ride? — Yes
Seriously & intentionally boycotted something? — Yes
Been in a band? — No
Knitted? — Yes
Been on TV? — Yes
Shot a gun? — Yes
Skinny-dipped? — Yes
Given someone stitches? — No
Eaten a whole habenero pepper? — No
Ridden a surfboard? — Yes
Drunk straight from a liquor bottle? — Yes
Had surgery? — Yes
Streaked? — No
Been taken by ambulance to a hospital? — Yes
Tripped on mushrooms? — Yes
Passed out when NOT drinking? — Yes
Peed on a bush? — Yes
Donated Blood? — Yes
Grabbed electric fence? — No
Eaten alligator meat? - No
Eaten cheesecake? — Yes
Eaten your kid's Halloween candy? — No
Killed an animal when not hunting? — No
Peed your pants in public? — Yes
Snuck into a movie without paying? - No
Written graffiti? — Yes
Still love someone you shouldn't? — Yes
Think about the future? — Yes
Been in handcuffs? — Yes
Believe in love? — Yes
Sleep on a certain side of the bed? — Yes

Paging isabelowens!

2009-11-25T06:30:07Z

You there?

musesandlyrics | 4.15. Juno quote

2009-11-25T06:26:46Z

4.15. "Find a person who loves you for exactly who you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, the right person is still going to think the sun shines out your ass. That’s the person worth sticking with."
Juno

Co-written with paramedically

Andrew sat stiffly on the sofa as he watched Ali rushing around the apartment trying to do ten different things at once. After all the excitement and squealing and sloppy baby kisses that afternoon that came from seeing her Mummy and Daddy again after so long, Sunshine was exhausted and was fed, bathed, and sleeping soundly in her bed by six pm. But Ali was primed waiting for James to call her back so she could blast him about not telling her when baby Campbell was born. Andrew knew she was really hurt by it, and coupled withjetlag , it was manifesting into what Ali termed her Bitch Mode. It had been important for her to be there for James during the birth of his first child, and Andrew suspected she was now feeling even more shunned by her best friend because of it. It seemed to be just one thing after another with her friends. If it was Luke or Leila who had their first child on the way and didn't tell Andrew, he knew he would be pissed off too.

Normally he would be sympathetic, and understanding. And he was, but right now, he was going to have to try and catch her attention. He needed her attention, and he needed her not in a bad mood. "Ali," he said, wringing his hands in front of him as his knee bounced anxiously without him even realising he was doing it. "Can you just stop for a minute, please?" he requested quietly as she roughly shoved a handful of diapers into Jamie's baby bag so they would be ready for the visit to the hospital in the morning, as was apparently arranged.

Ali paused and looked over a him, a small frown on her face that she was struggling to fight. It helped stop her starting to cry in frustration. She knew she would feel better once she tore James a new one and got it out of her system. "I need to pack her bag," she protested. "I don't want tofriggen do it in the morning when she's tired and cranky. Or when I'm tired and cranky... more tired and cranky I should say." But when she moved to shove some spare pacifiers into the side pocket, it dawned on her that something was off with her new husband. Husband. That was still a term she was trying to wrap her head around. Now they were back from the over-sexed, relaxing honeymoon, it was all starkly real that she actually was married now. "Are you okay, baby?"

Andrew shook his head slowly. "I want a drink," he admitted to her, the last word coming out hoarsely. "Can you just come and sit with me for a bit?" He didn't know what was bringing it on so abruptly, but he had a suspicion deep down. He hadn't gone near an AA meeting since before the wedding because things had just been so hectic, but it was also veering extremely close to the two year anniversary of his father's death. On top of all that, even though he was overjoyed for them, hearing James and Harri's happy news about the birth of the baby stirred up lingering pain from the miscarriage, and with Ali so discontent over the whole thing, it seemed he was coming crashing down in a heap after the euphoric honeymoon. He contemplated calling Leila or Luke, and then Rachel, his AA sponsor, but he wanted to try and fight it first, with Ali. She was his wife and it was important to him that they deal with their pain together now. At least as a first port of call.

Ali immediately abandoned the diaper bag and was by his side in a heartbeat, taking his hand and kissing his fingers. "What do you want to do, sweetheart? Get some takeout? Watch a movie? Have a bath together? I can give you a massage. Or I can callIz to come over and stay for a couple of hours with Sunshine, we can go for a little drive, get some air?" She watched him closely and brushed the fingers of her other hand through his hair. "I'm sorry for being a bitch today. Just boot me up the arse for it, okay? I've just never felt more separated and isolated from James than I have this past year. We can't seem to get our acts together. I feel like I'm losing my friends. But I won't offload on you. Are you feeling okay? Do you want a cup of tea? Hot chocolate?"

"Offload," Andrew urged, looking at her with a small nod. "You don't have to walk on eggshells because I'm craving, okay? Please, don't ever do that, beautiful. But in saying that, a drive and some air sounds good. Do you think Izzy would mind? If she can't, I can maybe call in a favour of one of my work mates. I don't think Sunshine is going to wake up anyway." He gave Ali's hand a soft, grateful squeeze, and let his thumb brush over her wedding and engagement rings. He wondered if he knew how much they suited her.

Ali did actually have a slight moment of wondering if Iz really would be able to help her out. It was just paranoia, probably, stemming from Ali's recent concerns that the three once extremely close best friends would ever end up on the same page together again. She cleared her throat. "I'll ask her. If she's busy, I'll think of something." She paused, and gave him a devious smile. "We could always find a place to park and have hot awkward sex in the back of the car. I won't even wear any undies and we can pretend we're teenagers."

Andrew laughed, a wave of relief washing over him that Ali just seemed to have this way of being able to tip the scales from a threatening slump of depression to something naughty or fun. It's exactly what he needed. Distraction was the best tactic for coping with alcohol cravings, and she just seemed to get it. "Or how about those Little Miss Naughty undies I found that you tried to stash at the back of your drawer behind the lacy ones?" he asked, managing to meet that smirk of hers that he loved so much.

"Oh, Andrew Connor, I do believe you're tapping into your not-so-innocent side there. What will your family think?" Ali said through a feigned gasp of horror. She leaned forward and kissed him softly, cupping his cheek on her palm. "Only if we stop at Ben and Jerry's, and I get to lickKaramel Sutra off that gorgeous chest of yours," she bargained. Whatever was pissing her off before was shoved deep down in favour of her husband. She would be the first to admit how great he was for her. Even if it was a sensitive subject and she knew it wasn't easy for him to admit to his cravings when it felt like he was failing, she just knew that she needed him as much as he needed her, and if that's what being married and being a wife was, bring it on.

Andrew bit down on his lip, always having found Ali's ice cream addiction hot, especially the way she licked it off the spoon or her fingers. "I think we've got a date, babe."

Now, if only he didn't want to booze up like a teenager, too...

All muses referenced with permission and are from the princeton2nyc universe

Word Count | 1,240

musebysentence | 28.4. Irate

2009-11-22T06:25:22Z

LINK: Am I REALLY that much of an evil bitch that everyone has to continuously keep fucking secrets from me?!

musebysentence | 31.2. Surrender

2009-11-11T20:05:55Z

LINK: Well fuck... there really is such a thing as too much sex.

Ali & Andrew's Wedding | Reception & Halloween Party!

2009-11-01T07:08:37Z

LINK: The wedding reception was off to more than a perfect start, and not one of the guests had failed in jumping right into both the wedding and Halloween spirit. In every sense of it, it was a wedding reception, with the decor matching the church for the ceremony and a huge chocolate wedding cake standing proudly off to the side, which would be served with ever possible flavour of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream on offer as a side dish. Beside that, there was a large chocolate fountain in operation with every sort of fruit and sweets to select from for people to go back and forth all night if they wished. The meal had been lovely, the food proper soul food and none of the fancy shit with one carrot and drip of sauce on top of it. It anyone wasn’t already in a brilliant mood, the food certainly would have put them in it. The only people who hadn’t changed into fancy dress were the bride and groom who had mischievously decided to go to the party as a bride and groom because said bride refused to not get maximum benefit out of her designer wedding dress, already joking that Andrew was going to have to shag her in it while they consummated the marriage...

Ali & Andrew's Wedding | 31st October 2009

2009-11-01T04:25:10Z

[Co-written by paramedically, notskywalker, asinthecity, doesntwaltz, aussielawyer, agentfraser, isabelowens, straight2point and agentsullivan]

ANDREW

Halloween 2009. October 31st 2009.

His wedding day.

Andrew had felt surreal when he woke up in Aiden and Pat's New York apartment that morning. It was like he was in a weird daze, and maybe having an out of body experience. He could hardly get himself to function correctly at first, almost bumping into a wall and doing a series of other stupid things when it was like his head wasn't attached to the rest of him. It made for a good laugh with all the guys, though, who wasted no time in pulling the piss out of him repeatedly over the course of the morning. He had been sick a few times, but he realised it was only because it was hard to get the nerves and excitement on an even keel. Riley gave him an injection of something to stop the vomiting, and then he felt much better, actually able to let himself enjoy the morning for what it was. Whilst, typically, the bunch of guys fell into time wasting activities such as watching the porn channel, smoking a couple of joints, and talking about tits and sex, Andrew fought not to just pace back and forth in the living room, grateful when Pat sat down next to him with a large cup of tea and a kind reminder that being married was the best thing ever. There was a lot of laughing and bad or crude jokes swirling around, with the inevitable farting competitions and tales of promiscuous pasts. It was a lot like Andrew's bachelor party a couple of nights before, only this time, Andrew could actually remember what went down. He had seen all of two minutes of video captured the night of his party with him as high as a kite on pot dancing wildly on a tabletop to a Britney Spears song for him to realise that forgetting was probably the best thing... and making sure that video never got out.

Now they were at the church, and it was feeling more and more real as the minutes ticked over. Andrew's excitement dwindled into just sheer anxiety and nerves. He was happy, though. His stomach gave the occasional little flip as he realised he was about to marry Ali, wondering how she was going to look and if she was nervous too. He couldn't stand still or stop moving, it helped to keep him standing there and not bolting in terror of being there in front of so many people about to say his vows and commit to the most gorgeous girl for the rest of his life. Ali made a point of telling him to relax when he heard I Don't Want To Miss a Thing by Aerosmith start to play. Up until then, it had been some soft mood music playing while the guests arrived, but Andrew had hardly been able to hear it from one of the back rooms of the church. He went out with Luke at his side just before the Aerosmith song started, and he was really glad to have Luke there as support, because Andrew wasn't sure he would have actually made it out there to the altar without him. He was still in a surreal haze, trying to realise that it really was his wedding and he was about to get married. He couldn't stop swallowing nervously, fighting the urge to tug at the collar of his shirt. That was part of the reason he'd randomly grabbed one of the pink roses from the arrangement at the door to the church. The other was because it reminded him of Ali. Pink roses were her favourite flower. It might be cheesy, but having a hold of that helped keep him grounded. This was it. Married. Becoming a husband... and Ali becoming his wife. All the 'to-be' labels were becoming a reality. He just had to get through it without vomiting.

When the song stopped, and Ali hadn't appeared yet, Andrew's heart leapt up into his throat. She wasn't coming! She didn't want to marry him! He must have turned white, because Luke grabbed him by the elbow, but before Andrew even had much more chance to react the curtains that looked like they were part of the back of the church dropped and the band was up there on a makeshift stage, Lachlan at the mic with a guitar and Tab beside him in her bridesmaid dress, Doc Martin boots, and her bouquet of flowers tucked into the end of her own guitar. What? Wasn't she just there across the aisle a minute ago? He saw her walk up the aisle! His mouth dropped open in a stunned gape as they started playing his all time favourite song, Shook Me All Night Long by the Aussie band AC/DC, Lachlan doing a perfect rendition of Angus Young, not missing a beat. There wasn't even any time to process any of all that before Ali finally appeared at the end of the aisle with her Mum and Dad on either side of her, wanting them both to give her away, her Mum nursing Jamie, and in the most gorgeous wedding dress Andrew had ever seen. She grinned at him, winking as she blew him a kiss and held her bouquet up in the air and started dancing to the beat of the song before starting to make her way up the aisle to him when the band reached the first chorus.

Andrew broke into a huge grin of his own and started to laugh, tears appearing in his eyes. He probably shouldn't have expected any less, but this was so Ali. She had told him to listen out for the Aerosmith song, leading him to believe that's what she had chosen to walk up the aisle to. She had refused any 'rehearsal shit', not believing something like a wedding should be rehearsed, and only agreed to a church wedding because Andrew's Mum had told her that Andrew's Dad had kept his faith. It helped they were both Anglican. Andrew couldn't take his eyes off Ali as she made her way down the aisle, but there was nothing traditional about it. She stopped now and again to touch people's hands or kiss their cheeks. It was so typically Ali and he could still remember her saying to him in the early stages of planning their wedding 'The fuck with tradition'. Seeing her now, how happy she looked and how happy everyone looked seeing her at her finest, he had to agree 100% to her statement. It was time to do it their way, and no one elses.

LUKE

Luke was actually proud how well Andrew had held himself together the morning of the wedding. Only three pukes before Riley had stepped in with an injection to stop it, and then Andrew was sparking on all cylinders. He had tried to stick by Andrew's side as much as he could, remembering how Andrew had been a constant presence as his Best Man the day of his own wedding, but Andrew seemed to have it together on a whole. Besides putting his shirt on inside out, spraying hairspray under his arms instead of deoderant, and nearly poking himself in the eye with his toothbrush, he was on top of things. The wedding wasn't until two pm, so the hours felt like they were dragging in the lead up to it. They had a lot of time to kill. It wasn't like guys had much more to do than throw on a suit and some deoderant, was it? So they were sitting around Pat and Aiden's apartment watching porn on the cable channels and sharing a joint. Only, Andrew swore with a lot of colourful expletives that he was never smoking pot again after his bachelor party on Thursday night. He basically spent all of Friday unconscious and woke up in the evening with the worst headache. But Luke as Best Man, and James and Max, Ali's brother, as the other groomsmen, were joined by Lachlan, Riley, Josh, Aiden, Pat, Cameron, and Keiran to 'hang out' and keep Andrew occupied so he didn't have a pre-wedding meltdown like Luke had. In a turn of weirdness, though, it was the first time Cameron and James had been in the same room together since everything blew up, and Luke feared for a worrying few moments that Cameron was going to belt James' face in and leave Andrew down a groomsman. Cameron seemed to respect it was Andrew's moment, though, and settled on giving James the coldest glare Luke was pretty sure he had ever seen and went to avoiding James like the Plague.

He knew Andrew was nervous, but he looked amazing. Ali had settled on light grey tuxes with pink shirts for the guys, and even though Luke thought it sounded poncy initially, it actually looked awesome and very tasteful. It wasn't like it was candy pink, it was more a light hint of pink and went well with the grey. It suited Andrew to a tee. At some point, Andrew had filched one of the pink roses from one of the displays without Luke's knowledge (or Luke would have made him put it back in case Ali kicked their arses for it) and was turning the stem over and over anxiously between his fingers as he exited out in front of the crowd of guests in the church. Luke had sought out all the familiar faces throughout the pews, smiling and waving to a few of them. Andrew had a light sheen of nervous sweat on his forehead, but he still seemed okay. He was still shifting his weight restlessly from one foot to another when music started playing over the sound system, the Aerosmith song that Andrew explained Ali liked. It was Andrew's Mum who walked up the aisle first, Luke's Aunty, smiling proudly at her son. Andrew and Ali both wanted her part of the ceremony and she looked beautiful in complimentary pale lavender, tears in her eyes as she saw Andrew in his suit. Luke knew she must be thinking about Andrew's Dad, and when he caught Andrew draw a rough breath out the corner of his eye beside him, Luke knew Andrew was thinking the same thing when he saw his Mum. Luke put his hand on Andrew's shoulder and squeezed it softly.

The bridesmaids came next. Izzy as Maid of Honour in a gorgeous soft pink maternity gown making it difficult to even see she was pregnant, followed by Leila and Tab in much more figure-flattering short gowns that looked more like cocktail dresses than anything else. Luke grinned at Leila, who looked tired but happy, shooting Andrew a thumbs up as she followed Izzy up the aisle. It was getting close now, and Andrew was still playing with the rose like it was some sort of lifeline to get him through the anxiety. Luke couldn't believe Andrew really was doing it. He was getting married to a girl he absolutely adored, and Luke started to feel teary himself, catching Tab's eyes as she made it to the top of the aisle and he blew her a subtle kiss, still grinning. But then the song soon came to an end and there was no Ali. In fact, the church fell silent just long enough for Andrew to turn the colour of the complimentary white roses, so Luke made a grab for his arm in case he was going to pass out. Seriously, what the fuck? No way would Ali skip out on the wedding, right?

Right?

Luke's mind filled with a chorus of 'Oh shits' as he glanced around, wondering what the fuck he should do if Andrew was about to be left at the altar. It didn't matter, though, because when the band appeared, Luke seemed to realise simultaneously to Andrew that they had been well-snookered and then Ali was there, like a bright shining light at the end of the tunnel, beaming up at Andrew, though it was hard to miss the mischievous way she smiled as Andrew's favourite rock song started and began moving to the music. All Luke could do was laugh in relief, looking to Andrew to make sure he was okay. He was. Better than okay. He was grinning back at her, watching everyone one of his bride's movements and Luke indulged in a small sigh of relief, turning to look up at Tab with a laugh, pointing to her to indicate he was going to get her for this one. Andrew was fine, maybe more fine than he had been in a very, very long time and that's all that mattered to Luke right then. He had waited a long time to see Andrew smile like that. Maybe forever.

TAB

Tabitha London Browne was standing in a lavender cocktail dress and wondering how the fuck she was going to pull off the biggest stealth mission ever. Better than anything Bond ever came up with, that was for sure. And even if it was in a dress, and the dress was lavender, she would still look better doing it than he did. She’d like to see Daniel Craig try and rock out in this outfit.

The hardest part had been not telling Luke. Even when he’d called her for the SOS to try and rescue his balls before Ali found an unconscious Andrew. She couldn’t believe her husband sometimes. He was definitely a deviant. Part of why he fit in with the group so well. He could be responsible, and have everyone fooled, but when it came to his cousins, and having fun—Luke was a deviant through and through.

Tab scrunched her nose as her dress made a swooshing noise, and was just grateful Ali had let her wear her Doc Martens. It was a compromise, and probably something Ali knew would make Tab agree to the dress. Wasn’t like she could be in a wedding party in leather pants. Not unless it was some S&M wedding. Tab tilted her head as she considered what the bride might be wearing.

She was still kind of thinking about it as she walked behind Izzy and Leila, but her eyes were on Luke standing up the front, and she broke out into a grin. Might have been a pink shirt, but he would never stop looking hot in a suit. Made her remember her own wedding day, and she just wanted to pull him aside and jump her husband’s bones. Since people were getting off at their reception, she didn’t think it would be in bad taste to get off at Ali and Andy’s... right?

She blinked, her eyes on Leila’s blonde hair, and her grin faltered. It wasn’t fair that Luke’s cousin had just found someone of her own, and now he was hurt. Tab didn’t know how she’d have handled a similar situation. She hadn’t even been able to handle the idea of going on tour and leaving Luke behind. Elliot had taken the piss out of her for that, but she knew she didn’t mind the marriage cooties one bit. There was a tug on her dress, and she turned her head to find the devil in question winking at her. Tab flipped him off, hiding her finger behind the flowers as she smiled sweetly. She passed her brother and Evie next, and gave them a wave. As they reached the end and took their places, Tab made sure Luke, or none of the other groomsmen were looking at her before she made her quick exit.

She loved Ali for getting the band to do this. If this is what it was like being a Bridesmaid, she’d happily do it again. Especially when she took to the small impromptu stage behind the curtain, and shared a grin with Lachlan. Nothing like a covert gig to get the adrenaline flowing. When they got their cue, the band kicked into gear, and Tab quickly found Luke again to lock gazes with him. She didn’t miss the threat inherit in his gesture, and just winked at him. She could take whatever he had for better, or worse, and all the rest of it. Just like Ali was about to take Andy.

LEILA

Leila hadn’t wanted to leave Rob. It had felt like she’d only just got him back, and now she had to leave him in the hospital for Andy’s wedding. Not that she was going to deny him getting married to his chalk. She’d pushed for them to keep the wedding on track. She wasn’t going back on her word. She wanted him happy, and she wanted him with Ali. It was still hard being here when her mind was with Rob.

She’d taken a moment to call him while the girls were still getting ready, just needing a fix to get her through the rest of the day. She’d had to struggle not to cry so she didn’t ruin her make-up. Last thing Ali needed was one of bridesmaids looking like she’d just come from an Alice Cooper gig.

It was only when the wedding was getting under way that Leila could get her mind to focus. She’d made sure her blonde hair was perfectly brushed, but she wasn’t putting it up. Instead, she had two braids along the side that her tied back to keep some of her hair out of her face. Ali had been good like that, letting her bridesmaids keep their individuality just like Ali wasn’t changing herself just to fit the wedding. The wedding was being made to fit her.

Leila gave Andy a thumbs up as she came closer to the altar, wanting to give her cousin her support since he really was looking a little nervous. Luke had told her all about the vomiting, but as far as she knew the boys had got it under control this morning.

Until it looked like Ali wasn’t going to come down the aisle. Leila watched Andy and Luke anxiously, but then AC/DC started to echo through the place, and Leila found herself grinning at the sight of Ali dancing down the aisle. It was enough to make a little jealous that she hadn’t had a big wedding, but her and Rob still had time.

She hoped.

Leila could feel tears welling up, and she found her family in the crown to share proud looks with them before giving Andy another thumbs up. He did good with Ali, and Leila was more proud of him than she could say. He deserved to be this happy.

MARK

Mark still wasn't sure how he was supposed to feel on this day. When he woke up, he felt slightly like he had a hangover and couldn't shake the coiled apprehensive feeling in his gut. Was it even a good idea for him to be going to this wedding? It was like this day was going to close the book on a lot of history, and he wasn't sure if he was ready to say goodbye to it all yet. His thoughts wavered right throughout the morning, and when he went to work to try and distract himself from them, he couldn't concentrate. Of course he was ready to say goodbye to it, but that didn't mean he had to say goodbye to Ali. She was always going to be special to him, and they had been together a long time, sharing a lot of good memories despite the awful way their relationship ended. And he still slept with her again when Jamie was conceived, feeling the passion like it had never been lost between them... and then again when she was further into the pregnancy. Only, of course, Mark didn't know at the time that she had been pregnant. He didn't find out for months after that, right before James went missing. It was James' "death" that changed everything. Now it was like all that history was someone else. Ali was getting married, and she was happy.

Mark couldn't just be a no-show. That would make him a coward and be in poor taste. Plus, James was part of the wedding party, as was Izzy, and Fi was also invited as a guest. Clearly Ali was holding no grudges, and Mark hadn't expected her to be either. Not after their conversation in his office that day. They had sorted things out and came to a truce. All Mark wanted was her to be happy. But considering he had one day wanted to marry her, and was now sitting as a guest at her wedding without being the groom, it had to feel strange for him.

And it did.

He tried not to stare at Ali's paramedic at the head of the church, standing with his cousin and looking every bit the good guy he was. But Mark was jealous of him, just not for the reasons he should have been. He wasn't jealous he was marrying Ali, he was just jealous of how happy he looked, even if he looked to be crapping himself inwardly. Mark wanted everything the guy had, with a girl he worshipped. He wanted a family, and a wife that loved him as much as he loved her. He wanted kids. He wanted the whole package that he hoped Ali would be the one to give him one day. It wasn't meant to be, though. By some freak seating coincidence, Mark ended up sitting beside Fi anyway, even if their relationship was still a secret between them. There had been no chance to tell Izzy and James, so they were now there as guests and still on the hush. But with the tall pews, and James and Izzy both in the wedding party, Mark couldn't help but smile faintly when he felt Fi's hand slip into his with a small squeeze. He glanced at her gratefully, knowing she probably knew exactly what he was thinking and feeling. In essence, this was Mark really and truly saying goodbye to what he had with Ali, and it wasn't meant to be easy. It would be, though. It would get easier now. That chapter was well and truly over, and when Ali arrived, walking down the aisle to a rock song completely unconventional for a bride's trip up the aisle, Mark finally managed to smile. She was glowing, and it was all because of that guy standing up the end of the aisle waiting for her. He was her One. Mark squeezed Fi's hand back. Maybe - hopefully - he would get his second chance soon, too.

JAMES

The morning had been a lot of fun, until Cameron arrived. James hadn't thought enough in advance to piece together the fact that Andrew was borrowing Aiden and Pat's large apartment to get ready for the wedding, that Pat's brother might actually be present. For the first time in a long time, he had been speechless and realised there just weren't any words he could possibly say to the guy that would make anything any better. So, he didn't. He just stood there like an idiot while Cameron gave him the filthiest look, and deservedly so. He was relieved when Cameron avoided him after that because he had no fucking clue how to deal with the situation. In fact, he was pretty sure that a lot of people were going to be facing demons that day. Ali and Andrew's wedding was effectively drawing a lot wide gaps together. People didn't want to avoid the event because the bride and groom were dear to them, after their tough times, people wanted to see them finally tie the knot. Today was going to be a day people buried away differences for a little while, or at least vehemently avoided them.

James couldn't help but think of Mark, knowing he was battling demons too. He automatically sought his brother out in the crowd from where he stood at the front of the church behind Luke. Mark was sitting next to Fiona, Izzy's sister, which was a relief for James to see. At least he wasn't stuck in the middle of a bunch of Andrew's relatives and expected to try and make awkward small talk. James knew Fi was a client of Mark's firm for her divorce, so they at least knew each other. Fi would be nice to him, and hopefully understand what he was facing. Or, on the other hand, she might want to knee him in the nads knowing how much he actually hurt Ali back then. But still, this wasn't about what happened back then. It was about what was happening today, and today Ali and Andrew were actually getting married.

He still had difficulty wrapping his head around that fact. Ali. Married. He had only just processed Ali as a mummy. Ali as a fiancee was surreal, but Ali as a bride? Holy fuck. The very wedding decor alone in the church was all Ali. James had known her so long that he just knew her tastes. Trendy, fashionable, but always elegant and tasteful. The wait was excruciating, and he couldn't help but wonder if Ali was going to pull an Izzy and be a runaway bride. It wouldn't surprise him. Marriage felt like herpes sometimes. An itch that was tempting to scratch, but once you did, it got red and cranky and turned into something almost unbearable. James knew he was still technically married to Izzy, but Mark was drawing up their divorce papers. James had asked if he could get it done before Harri gave birth. It just seemed like the right thing to do. James reflexively searched the crowd for Harri, then, finding her sitting beside Aiden and Pat about five rows back on Andrew's side of the church. Aiden had his arm around her and she was fanning herself with her program. She was due in just over two weeks, but she looked beautiful. She always looked beautiful. James had to press his lips together and look away. It should be him sitting there with his arm around her. Or at least sitting on her other side. He had learnt better than to come between Aiden and Harri, nor would he want to anymore. It was like Pat coming with Cameron, Aiden just was part of Harri's package. Harri's package that James was no longer a part of, and he was about to be a second-time divorcee. How had he fucked his life up so badly?

He was relieved when the music started and he had something to distract himself with. Izzy looked gorgeous, too, only he could see her looking in the crowd, not up at him. It was almost poignant. And fucking ironic. Izzy actually making a full trip up the aisle with no view to doing a runner. James watched her, and her eyes landed on Cameron so briefly that the glance could almost be missed. More demons. James wondered if she was going to be on the end of the icy look he had been earlier in the day. It was then that James realised he had followed Izzy's gaze, barely looking at Cameron before seeing Harri again, and this time she was looking back at him and their eyes locked. Was she watching to see if he was watching Izzy? He held her gaze, swallowing a little, but keeping his face unreadable before he cleared his throat, wetting his lips as he looked down at his feet. Ali was going to be walking up that aisle soon, and James was finally going to witness her get everything she deserved. He and his brother had been a huge factor of most of Ali's heartache. They probably didn't even deserve to be in the room. But they were, they both were, because she wanted them here. James loved both of his best friends, and Ali was like a sister to him. Later on, he was going to get a quiet moment with her and apologise for everything. He already had, but he needed to do it again today.

But that song. When James heard it, it was almost like he felt his angst slip away and he broke into a smile. He had been too lost in his gaze with Harri to notice that the gap between music almost caused Andrew to piss his custom-made pants. James' head whipped around to look at the band that seemed to appear from nowhere and then she was there. She hadn't done a runner. In fact, she was grinning like she hadn't done in far too long. That Ali smile that could light up a whole room. James put his hand up to his mouth as the emotions got too much and happy, proud tears escaped and slipped down his cheeks. And guilt. He wasn't sure he would ever shed the guilt he felt for almost ruining her life and leaving her alone when she needed him in her life the most. But that was why she was here, wasn't it? Because Andrew was her knight in shining armour, like she described him. Her knight with warm hands. With a small nod, not making any attempt to hide his tears, he resolved to talk to Andrew that night, too. Seeing Ali dance up the aisle to her husband-to-be, James knew that Andrew was the reason Ali even let James back in her life at all.

IZZY

Isabel was determined to make sure she was the best Maid of Honour ever. She’d had experience at Fiona’s wedding when she’d been a bit younger, but she couldn’t quite remember it. It was like the day was a blank because there had been nothing memorable about it. There hadn’t been anything particularly memorable about the marriage, either. Izzy had always felt lukewarm towards her brother-in-law.

She didn’t want that Ali, and knew it would never be like that for her best friend. Ali wasn’t settling. She had found the One, the guy that could compliment her, and be the father to Sunshine and the husband to Ali that they needed. He could be what the rest of them couldn’t be.

And as much as she didn’t want her mind to wander, she could feel it doing just that as she watched Ali get ready. Iz was no stranger to weddings; God only knew she’d had her fair share. It was the running away that made sure she was only going to be a onetime divorcee. Watching Ali she just knew that she wanted this, and she wanted it for the right reasons, and for keeps.

Everything that had passed between her and James was just... it was history. She loved him, and he was still a huge part of her, but he wasn’t the man she loved. The man she loved was at his brother’s apartment probably murdering James as she sat here rubbing her hand against her swollen belly. She loved Ali for picking a dress that hid the bump. And she loved her for giving her another chance, and letting them have their own Bachelorette night that had included a lot of Ben & Jerry’s, and plenty of cuddles with Sunshine.

Before Iz had to take the walk down the aisle before Ali, she gave her friend a kiss on the forehead as she squeezed her hand. Ali would be fine. Ali wasn’t walking down the aisle to anything scary, or unknown. Andrew had already proven himself time and again, and Iz couldn’t ask for much more from the man about to make a decent woman out of Alicia Sullivan.

Iz had felt her heart pounding in her chest as she took that trip down the aisle. Bridesmaid, or not, this was still scary for her. In the back of her mind though, there was just this knowledge that she hadn’t been lying when she told Cameron he was the one she’d stop for. If she had been walking down the aisle to him, she wouldn’t have run. She didn’t want to run. She smiled briefly at James, but her eyes were quickly scanning the crowd to see if Cameron was there. She wanted to talk to him, to ask him about baby names and to give him a gift... She’d been for another ultrasound, and had a copy of the photo of B&J for him.

But Aerosmith ended, and soon the band was playing, and Iz pulled her head back into Ali’s wedding. It was her friend’s day, and Iz wasn’t going to miss a second. Not anymore.

HARRI

Wouldn’t have been able to waddle down the aisle even if she wanted to. She also didn’t feel like there would have been a bridesmaid dress to fit her even if she had been asked to be a part of Ali’s wedding party. She barely felt like she was fitting in the dress she was wearing, the amount of cleavage on show far more than she was used to.

She was glad she had Aiden. He seemed to understand he was needed for BFF duty today, even if the idea of a wedding seemed to have him walking around with a goofy smile and sharing looks with his husband. She was envious of his happiness, her own love life far from salvageable. There hadn’t once been a day she had wondered what it would be like to walk down the aisle, but as they sat in the pews ready for Ali’s wedding... she was starting to entertain the idea of what it might have been like.

Especially when her eyes wandered to James standing up the front behind Luke. She had felt Aiden clear his throat pointedly, and before James had a chance to realise she was looking, she glanced away. But then she couldn’t stop herself as it happened again. His attention wasn’t even on Izzy like she expected. She thought about what it would be like to standing up there with James.

She wasn’t ready.

She wanted him back, and she still loved him, but she couldn’t do marriage. Even if she had him back would she ever been really sure that he wouldn’t stray? Did he even want her. Music started up, but Harri was surprised to find James’ gaze on her. Just like always his face was unreadable, and she was starting to realise just how much she hated that. In her office when he had been openly emotional for the first with her in a long time... she had kissed him. How could she not? He was the father of her kid, and he really was the man she loved. He glanced away, and Harri sighed. What the hell had the look even meant? How was she supposed to know anything when he just didn’t say? She got that he wanted to be a part of their child’s life, but what about hers? She’d heard rumours he’d split with Iz, but had yet to hear anything from the horse’s mouth.

Her gaze dipped down to his crotch, and she sighed again. She could have really used those ten inches right then. She wanted to shag him so badly. It was wrong, and it would lead to trouble, and Aiden would disapprove but he was married so he didn’t get to judge.

She turned her head to watch the bridesmaids, and found Aiden looking at her with a raised eyebrow. She just shrugged. Was he really going to give her another lecture on spending too much time thinking about James? This was Ali’s day. She wasn’t in the mood for an argument, and she was too tired to pretend like she didn’t care about her ex.

The music stopped, but Ali hadn’t arrived and for a moment she squeezed Aiden’s hand anxiously, not sure if they were about to witness a runaway. Ali wouldn’t do that, and as the band started up and surprised everyone, Harri just realised that a wedding really was a celebration. It wasn’t a life sentence.

It just took the right groom.

ALI

Sometime around 8pm the night before her wedding, Ali realised her nerves in the extreme seemed to want to have a tendency of turning her into a crazy woman with OCD. She check, re-checked, and checked again every single detail of the wedding. At 10.30pm she was still on the phone to the caterers making sure they had ample amounts of vegetarian food because the groom was vegetarian and a good portion of their guests were too. Then she was back on the phone to Luke making sure his bar had enough booze to keep an open bar going for that many people all night. When he laughed at her, she pointedly told him to go fuck himself and reminded him to keep texting her the next day to keep her up-to-date on how Andrew was faring. The obediant Best Man had done just that, probably worried Ali would take him out with one of the heels of her Manolos after plying her fiancee with enough pot to knock him out for nearly twenty four hours. But Ali was okay with it, even if she went around to Luke's Soho apartment to make sure Andrew was still breathing on her way to taking Sunshine to get her picture taken and drop in on the cake artist to make sure everything was right there, too. He was breathing, he also had various interesting messages written all up his arms, thighs and torso, none of which were innocent. She was so tempted to ask what the guys got up to at Andrew's bachelor party, but even she knew that was sacred secrets blokes business and she probably would never know. At least he wasn't pierced or shaved. If the worse they could do was knock him out on weed and write all over him, she could cope with that.

But now she was pulling up in front of the church in a limo, wedding dress in place and a chicken-fillet aided cleavage to compliment Mr de la Renta's design. Her Dad sat beside her, beaming at her, so she just laughed nervously and kissed his cheek. "Dad, you look like you've been on crack," she joked with him, always having a good and joking relationship with her family. They were probably a lot of the reason she was like she was. They had moved back to England a few years earlier, but they made the regular trek over to see their kids, and now Sushine as grandkid number one. "And I feel like I'm going to piss my five hundred dollar jocks," she admitted, putting a hand on her stomach and sucking in a nervous breath. In a car behind her, Izzy, Tab, Leila were arriving and then another with the Mum of the Bride and Mum of the Groom. She didn't think her brain would let her puke like Andrew had been doing that morning, but wetting her pants could be a whole other story.

Mr Sullivan just kept beaming at his only daughter, taking her hand and kissing her fingers. "You're the most beautiful girl in the world, cupcake. You're going to knock 'em dead and finally hook me a son-in-law with a bit of testosterone to watch footy with and take for a- pint of coke?" he added hastily, shooting her an apologetic look. "To hang out with. Max is my sonly pride and joy, but your old Dad could never come to the manicures and Cosmo quizzes."

Ali laughed and kissed her Dad's cheek again, rubbing her nose against his. "I'll give you that. Andy will drink you under the table on coke. And he'll spend as much time with you as you want. I'm pretty sure he could use a father-in-law as much as you could use a son-in-law." Her cell phone buzzed in her tiny evening bag, which was going to spend most of the night with her Mum after this. It was a text from Izzy, telling her they were there too. Ali nodded determinedly, shoving the phone back into the bag and turning back to her Dad. "Showtime, Daddy dearest. Still promise to catch me if I go arse-over-tit in this dress?"

"Only until you make it up the aisle, chook. Then that's Andy's job," Mr Sullivan reminded her, getting teary as he smiled at her. He gave her a warm hug, rubbing her back and then sliding across the chair to hop out of the car and help her out.

Those words went right to Ali's heart and for anxious, terrified moment she really did fear she was going to throw up. Maybe this was all too much weddingy shit? Maybe they should have just eloped? It had been a fucking difficult year for both of them and maybe following in Rob and Leila's footsteps would have been much better. She stepped out of the car, feeling a little woozy and needing to lean against the door for a few moments to regain her composure. She didn't notice a crowd of passersby on the sidewalk, waiting to see the bride arrive at the church. Ali remembered being one of those people now and again during her many days walking New York's sidewalks. She never had a single yearning to be the bride and maybe even wished a pigeon would shit on one of their heads just for her own personal amusement. Now she was here, and really was the bride. But that wasn't what it was all about, was it? The bells and whistles were for the guests, who were there for a wedding. For Ali, she was there for Andrew. She could it, and she could tie the knot, all for that adorable guy in there who had done nothing but make her life more better as every day passed.

She held her hand up before any of them could ask her if she was okay. If they did, she would probably burst into tears. She had worked herself into oblivion the past few days, weeks, even months. Now wasn't the time to crash. Once they got through the ceremony, there was a hell of a party to be had. She wanted to get Andrew onto that dancefloor and feel the benefits of those pants, and then she wanted to divest him of them as quickly as she could back at the hotel they booked for the night before flying out to their honeymoon the next evening. Sex with her husband. That's what she had been anticipating since he got down on one knee and proposed to her.

There was no puking, and no tripping, and no knickers wetting as she finally made her way into the church, Izzy expertly holding the small train on her dress up so the New York side walk didn't make it grimy. She still couldn't believe she was about to get hitched and be plucked off the bachelorette market for good. But even more unbelievable, she was actually happy and couldn't stop grinning to the point her cheeks were starting to hurt. This was really it. Finally. She indulged in a small excited squeak of anticipation, making sure her veil was smooth down the back of her hair. She had gone with one that just went to her shoulder blades with none of that shit with it covering her face. She wanted to be able to see Andrew clearly, and everyone else in the room there to share the day with them. She was more than aware of the variety of emotions a lot of people in the room would be facing, closest family and friends right up there on the top of the cake. The thoughts caused her to turn to Leila, taking her hand and pulling her into a soft, lingering hug. It was support and gratitude all in one. She knew it must be a pull to be away from Rob now he was freshly back on US soil and admitted to yet another hospital. Hopefully a little later, Ali would be able to make that up to the newlyweds.

Then it was time. Soon the girls were leaving her side to head up the aisle to the red-herring Aerosmith song. Ali was left there with her Dad, bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet as she impatiently waited for the song to end. Why had she picked such a fucking long song?! Her Dad's hand was gripped in hers right up until Ali heard the silence at the end of the song. She slipped her arm through his and drew a long, ragged breath to ready herself. They were down to minutes, now. In less than an hour, she would be Mrs Andrew Connor. She looked at her Mum, who appeared on her other side with Sunshine and as the AC/DC hit that always got Andrew going started, she kissed her daughter's tiny nose and moved out to the head of the aisle.

She couldn't help it. She had to dance to the music once she heard it. The band was rocking, as they always did and seeing the sea of familiar faces, Ali's happiness just burst up inside her. And then she saw him, standing up there waiting for him, with Luke, James, and Max at his side. He hadn't skipped out. They were going to do it. It felt like forever for her to get up the aisle, unable to resist stopping and greeting some of the people grinning at her from the pews. Her work mates, Andrew's family from Australia, her own family from New York, people from the Princeton bunch, and her own New York clan. Andrew's paramedic colleagues took up a whole section of the church, all in suits but with their paramedic t-shirts underneath. It was perfect.

But she made it, and was breathless when she stepped up in front of him, smiling at him so much her nose was scrunching up. She cupped his face in her hands after shoving her bouquet into her Dad's hand, and kissed his forehead, mouthing 'I love you' to him. When he held the pink rose up for her, smiling bashfully back at her with a small shrug, Ali had to laugh. The band was coming to the end of their song and took her flowers back, pushing Andrew's rose down into the top of it and hooking her hand into his elbow. "Ready, gorgeous?" she asked him, leaning close so only he could hear.

"I've been ready since I met you," Andrew told her, and blew her a kiss of his own.

And everything since was all suddenly worth it.

Word Count | 7,822

Wedding Round-Up

2009-10-31T11:10:29Z

Finally, FINALLY have everything done. With a few loose ends tied up, I can hopefully get some sleep tonight it preparation of the big day tomorrow. Still can't fucking believe that. My big day. I'm having a big day. Fuck me.

But first, updated Sunshine pictures!

By the time we got done, I was ready to join her in the backseat. Life is so much easier when you're a bub, and I was fucking jealous she could pass out like that while I had to stick to the wheel in rush hour traffic.

But it was all a result of getting this priceless shot by a professional photographer. I emphasise shot because this was the only decent pic we got. She spent the rest absolutely refusing to do anything cheesy or cute and sat in the pot plant he shoved her in with a frown on her face and the lip thing she does when she's about to burst into tears. I had to resort to drastic actions and sing and dance her favourite Wiggles song. I swear, I'm going to take Geoff out with his freakishly large dinosaur. Mummy maybe might have cried when she saw the photo, though. Next time, I'm asking Leila to take the photos.

[LOCKED FROM ANDREW]
And now to wedding stuff. Not an exhaustive list, but bits and pieces for posterity.

The dress by Oscar de la Renta, HERE

The shoes by Manolo Blahnik, HERE

Sunshine's dress, HERE

Bridesmaid dresses, HERE

The bouquet, HERE

Buttonholes for the guys, HERE

Honeymoon Down Under, HERE in luxury for a week in Tasmania, and then HERE in Sydney for a week so Andrew can catch up with family.

I think that's all for now.

Fuck, I'm nervous. I need tomorrow to be perfect. If just one day in my life can be perfect, please make it that.

musebysentence | 29.4. Numbers

2009-10-27T07:36:44Z

LINK: Three days and counting...

musebysentence | 29.10. The Full Monty

2009-10-25T12:05:10Z

LINK: Anyone books strippers for a Hen's Night on my behalf, and I will Full Monty them up the arse with my sharpest and best Monolos.

musebysentence | 26.5. Caress

2009-10-16T05:08:35Z

LINK: As she nursed her baby daughter protectively against her, stroking her fine hair with her fingertips, Ali realised that not knowing she was made to be a mother is exactly what made her a good one.

... ah

2009-10-07T08:31:24Z

--> Passionate and Wild Sex Can Make You Conceive Faster

I call bullshit.

RP LOG | With paramedically

2009-10-07T06:32:08Z

Ali took a small sip of chocolate milk she had poured into a champagne glass and stood staring at herself in the full length mirror in their room. She had been at work that morning, and she was now just in her slim-line pinstripe tailored business pants and light blue camisole she had worn under her shirt. She ran her hand over her upper stomach and then brushed it lower to nurse her stomach where the baby bump had been, which was now flat again. These pants wouldn't have fit in the stages of pregnancy she had reached, but she hadn't even had to suck her gut in that morning to get the zipper done up. She hadn't stopped to dwell on it at the time, but now that she was home and had the apartment to herself, she couldn't help but return to it.

Unable to resist the urge, she set the flute of milk down and picked up a cushion from the bed, stuffing it up under her camisole to give the image that she was heavily pregnant and then looked at herself in the mirror again. She knew she was dwelling, thinking about stupid things that were gone and over, but for some reason, her body still wanted to believe she was expecting. The loss had been so abrupt that there was no time to prepare for it. It was why she also soon found herself taking a tiny newborn lemon jumpsuit from the top drawer of the dresser, pulling it from where it had been shoved right to the back. She ran her thumb over the soft fabric and then hugged it to her chest above the faux baby bump, looking back at her reflection in the mirror. It was another moment of weakness, which she seemed to have a lot of lately. She was so wrapped up in her own thoughts that she hadn't realised there was sounds of movement in the apartment beyond the master bedroom and she nearly jumped out of her skin and wet herself all at once when the bedroom door opened and Andrew was standing there, catching her with the cushion up her shirt and the baby outfit in her hand. "Andrew," was all she could gasp out, freezing like she had been caught committing a serious crime.

Andrew had been home with Jamie for the morning while Ali worked, and she had been well on her way and out the door before he or their baby girl even stirred from sleep. When he had woken up, he had a sore throat, headache, fever and stuffy nose, realising right away that he had a cold, if not the flu. When Jamie woke up, he discovered she was suffering the same fate, so he bundled them both up to go the pharmacy and get some infant Tylenol, extra diapers, tissues, and some adult cold pills. With them both feeling crappy, it had taken him awhile to get moving, Jamie not at all happy to do anything but be cuddled by her Daddy, meaning she wailed practically the whole time they were out. It just served to increase Andrew's headache and make her nose worse, so instead of pushing her in the buggy the few blocks back to the apartment, he had carried her and now his arms were a little achy too. She had only just given up on the miserable sobbing near the front of the apartment building when she fell asleep in his arms, so he was able to carefully put her back into the buggy for the trip up in the elevator. He had decided his first stop was the bedroom to get back into his pyjamas, having completely lost track of time to realise Ali would be home from work.

The sight he was met with did take him by surprise, but only because he had been wary whether Ali was ready to revisit anything to do with the miscarriage yet. He was about to say something in return, but instead had to hold up a hand as he was overcome with a sneezing fit and by the time he was done, his done was running like a fountain and his eyes were watery. "Fug'," he said nasally, in lieu of it's intended cousin 'fuck' which wasn't going to happen with a stuffy nose. He hastily went over to the nightstand to pluck some tissues from the box to blow his nose. "Jabie ad' me hab god a gold," he explained.

Ali tugged sheepishly tugged the cushion back out and tossed it onto the bed. She still had the baby suit in her hand, though, as she breached the gap between them to give him a hug. "You sound terrible," she told him and then pulled back to hold her hand to his forehead. "And burning. Where's Sunshine? Where have you been in this state? I know what you're thinking and I don't even know why I was doing it... not really," she added quietly and then glanced at the tiny suit in her hand.

Andrew's nose was a little clearer now, even if it was still sore from all the wiping. "She's asleep in the buggy. I gave her a few drops of the Tylenol and she went back to sleep. I don't think it will be for long, though. She's feeling poorly and isn't happy. I was just out at the pharmacy to get some things, completely lost track of time. Plan was to come back here and cuddle up back in bed with her to try and keep her warm. She just wants to be cuddled." He smiled tiredly and wrapped his hand around hers that was clutching the jumpsuit. "Why don't you join us, baby? We don't have to talk about this if you don't want to. I understand, okay? You miss being pregnant. There's nothing wrong about that."

Ali sighed softly and sat down on the side of the bed, looking down at the suit. "Maybe not so much missing the pregnant, because I still hate it. But I think my uterus is lost and sending weird message to my brain. It still feels like there should be something in there, but even the bump is gone completely now. I just don't feel anything. But I have to tell you something that I know I should have told you sooner. No time just seemed right, though. I still feel guilty about it sometimes, and now I just think... I think..." She pressed her lips together, trying not to get too upset. "I think I'm being punished, like I had my chance, and I blew it."

Andrew had sat down beside her when she starting speaking, and now he looked at her in confusion, taking her hand and rubbing his thumb over her palm. "What could you possibly have done that is so terrible to think your baby dying is punishment?" he asked in awe. "Ali, there's nothing..." he trailed off, looking at her sadly. He knew she felt she needed to be punished for a lot in her life, and it broke his heart that he couldn't shield her from that.

"I-I had an abortion when I was nineteen," Ali admitted in a small voice. "I was barely five weeks pregnant. I couldn't face it. I had just started college and I was fiercely ambitious. I didn't want anything to get in the way of my career. James is the only one I told at the time, and I know it's easy to try and draw conclusions, but it wasn't Mark's. I hadn't met him at the time. I just knew James had an older brother. It never even crossed my mind to keep it. I just went and had the procedure, like it was barely more than a trip to the dentist."

Andrew put his arm around her and held her securely, brushing his lips against her hair in a soft kiss. "Ali, beautiful, I know as well as anyone what it's like to just act in scary and stressful times. And to feel ashamed of the course of action in the wake of it. I'm sorry you felt that you couldn't tell me this, for whatever reason, but I'm not going to judge you. I'm not going to think any less of you. I'm not even going to suggest you made a mistake in doing what you did. Sometimes, you just have to react and bear the consequences. It's gone, beautiful. You aren't the only girl to have done that, and there is going to be many more in the future. Do you really think everyone who does that gets punished for it in this way? You're not being punished, Ali. We just were unlucky, and that hurts even more, because there is no explanation."

Ali listened and then nodded a little, swallowing back the urge to cry. "I just feel like I wished it away. I had an abortion, I nearly had a second with Sunshine but I couldn't go through with it. You knew that bit, though. And then, when I found I was pregnant again, I wished I wasn't, even though that changed after the shock wore off. Maybe some higher power up there is thinking I just shouldn't have anymore chances? Which I can't process in my head without wanting to bawl my eyes out because... because..." She hesitated, looking at him with a mix of fear and uncertainty, though with a slight glimmer of hope. "I want another baby with you. I-I want to try for another baby. With you."

"Right now?" was the first thing Andrew thought to ask with a slight surprised raise in his tone. But he bit down on his lip with a laugh, looking at her sheepishly. "I mean, I don't mean right now but, you just... you mean in general, right?" His forehead was creased as he tried to work out what she was saying. Actually, he had been doubting whether she really would want anymore children after what she went through with Jamie and the pain they had to face with the miscarriage. He was awed to here her admit she wanted to try again at all.

Ali had to smile, dropping her gaze briefly to look down at his lap, where she brushed her hand along his thigh. "Maybe right now," she conceded and looked back up at him, eyes sweeping over his face. "Even though you're all stuffed up andcoldy , you're still gorgeous, and you're cute with your sore nose and red cheeks. I know we haven't had sex since before the miscarriage, and that you've been really patient with me. But I think I'm ready," she admitted.

"Maybe right now for sex or to try for a baby?" Andrew asked, biting down on his lip with a smile of his own.

Ali moved her hand up and stroked his chest, hooking her finger into his shirt between the top two buttons. "Both?" she suggested. "If you're ready. I know that just because I think I am doesn't automatically mean you are. But we can go slow, just let nature take it's course. We can at least have fun trying, can't we? Or practicing until we get it right. I just know that Jamie's nearly one now, and every time I think about making a baby with you, a little brother or sister for her, my heart hurts for what we lost, but it has this tiny flip when I think about what it would have been like if we didn't lose the baby. Which would probably be chaotic and stressful, but that's us, isn't it? Maybe life for us is just meant to be unconventional and keep us on our toes. Maybe it's time to settle down, because I know that when I feel that happy unreachable warm feeling in my gut, it's when I'm with you and Sunshine, and we're doing silly, affectionate family things. But also that we might have a little bit more room in the nest for another Sunshine, or a Sunshine with a penis, even if I'm terrified to try again," she said, holding her hands up in the size of a small bundle.

Andrew nodded and started to smile. "Me too," he admitted softly, resting his forehead against hers. "Everything you said, right up to the terrified part. But besides marrying you, and being the best father I can to Jamie, I would give nothing more than to have a baby with you, beautiful. Are you sure it's not too soon? You can change your mind, you know. If you decide you don't want it, we can stop."

Ali smiled and undid the top buttons of his shirt, slipping her hand inside and rubbing her hand over his bare chest, toned from working out and his job. She pressed his lips to his in a soft kiss, continuing with the rest of the buttons. "I want to make love to you," she told him quietly against it lips and then kissed them again. "I want to try and make another baby with you. If we get scared or upset, we stop. If it gets too much, we stop. For now, we go gentle... slow. I like having you slow," she added, smiling as she teased her tongue along his lip. "Even if you have a cold. I hear you're supposed to sweat out a cold anyway, and orgasms are an awesome remedy for a headache."

"Oh really?" Andrew murmured with a husky laugh. Yeah, sure, he was feeling crap but he couldn't argue with the attentions. "Always was an avid fan of sexual healing... and you playing nursemaid," he added cheekily, moving to start unbuttoning her shirt. But it didn't escape him that she had paused, glancing at the door. He smiled knowingly. "Do you want to check on her, or I should I?"

Ali shot him a sheepish smile and rubbed her nose against his. "I will, but just to make sure." She stood up and stooped to kiss teasingly close to his nipple. "But you get naked. I have plans for my feverish patient that may or may not include a physical examination. But don't go letting yourself get a false sense of security. Afterwards I'm still getting out theVicks and eucalyptus oil for your hankies," she warned and patted his cheek softly. "Ah see, your darling Mummy has passed all her Mummy tricks onto me, including tried and true Aussie cold remedies," she added and winked at him as she ducked fro the room to check on the baby.

Word Count | 2,446