just_1_word | 39.2. Heart
39.2. Heart
[Follows THIS]
It was amazing how slow a clock ticked over when you were watching it. He knew the stupid pot metaphor, but no one was watching a pot of water boil when their best friend was in surgery after losing her baby. James eyes remained locked on the ticking clock mounted on the wall of the hospital corridor across from him. At this point, too, it was questionable whether he would even be allowed to see Ali when she woke up. He had this uncomfortable feeling in his gut Andrew might now let them near her yet. James couldn't blame him for that. Not at all. How could he know he could trust them to take care of her with their history of leaving her when she was in the most pain? His offer to collect Jamie and take care of her had fallen flat. Andrew merely told them blankly that the baby girl was staying with his mother, end of story. It hurt James more than he cared to admit. Jamie was his niece and their trust in him even with that was wavering in Andrew's attempt to try and shield Ali from any more pain.
When the news had come that Ali had lost the baby, James felt like he had been punched in the gut. He knew as well as anyone that a world could come crashing down in a heartbeat, but he was struggling to fathom that it went from Ali joking with him while they had been dancing to her being rushed to hospital in an ambulance... all within a matter of minutes. This was supposed to be her fresh start, the thing that proved her she deserved to be happy. She had found love all over again when she had given up hoping for it, and she was creating a family with him. Now it had all been ripped away again.
He felt tears threaten, and he didn't attempt to stop them. He just dropped his head into his hands and let them come silently. It was all dawning on him in a different light now that he was veering closer and closer to fatherhood himself. He tried to put himself in Andrew's shoes as best he could to contemplate how it would feel if this was Harri in here losing his baby, and all he could feel was a burning, sickening pain in his gut. And he missed Harri, and stupidly wanted to hug her and try to tell her it would be okay. She hated him, though, and deservedly so. The email to was a helpless effort to just do something - anything - and if he could just get Harri to stay in touch with Ali, it was better than nothing, right? Through Harri's pregnancy, the two had bonded, inevitably, because they were so similar. Maybe that was what this was all so hard to cope with. Ali and Harri... they were innocent casualties in the crap tornado that was James and Izzy.
And now in the light of Ali and Andrew's devastating loss, James didn't know where his heart was anymore... or if it even still worked.
All muses referenced with permission and are from theprinceton2nyc universe
Word Count | 525
[Follows THIS]
It was amazing how slow a clock ticked over when you were watching it. He knew the stupid pot metaphor, but no one was watching a pot of water boil when their best friend was in surgery after losing her baby. James eyes remained locked on the ticking clock mounted on the wall of the hospital corridor across from him. At this point, too, it was questionable whether he would even be allowed to see Ali when she woke up. He had this uncomfortable feeling in his gut Andrew might now let them near her yet. James couldn't blame him for that. Not at all. How could he know he could trust them to take care of her with their history of leaving her when she was in the most pain? His offer to collect Jamie and take care of her had fallen flat. Andrew merely told them blankly that the baby girl was staying with his mother, end of story. It hurt James more than he cared to admit. Jamie was his niece and their trust in him even with that was wavering in Andrew's attempt to try and shield Ali from any more pain.
When the news had come that Ali had lost the baby, James felt like he had been punched in the gut. He knew as well as anyone that a world could come crashing down in a heartbeat, but he was struggling to fathom that it went from Ali joking with him while they had been dancing to her being rushed to hospital in an ambulance... all within a matter of minutes. This was supposed to be her fresh start, the thing that proved her she deserved to be happy. She had found love all over again when she had given up hoping for it, and she was creating a family with him. Now it had all been ripped away again.
He felt tears threaten, and he didn't attempt to stop them. He just dropped his head into his hands and let them come silently. It was all dawning on him in a different light now that he was veering closer and closer to fatherhood himself. He tried to put himself in Andrew's shoes as best he could to contemplate how it would feel if this was Harri in here losing his baby, and all he could feel was a burning, sickening pain in his gut. And he missed Harri, and stupidly wanted to hug her and try to tell her it would be okay. She hated him, though, and deservedly so. The email to was a helpless effort to just do something - anything - and if he could just get Harri to stay in touch with Ali, it was better than nothing, right? Through Harri's pregnancy, the two had bonded, inevitably, because they were so similar. Maybe that was what this was all so hard to cope with. Ali and Harri... they were innocent casualties in the crap tornado that was James and Izzy.
And now in the light of Ali and Andrew's devastating loss, James didn't know where his heart was anymore... or if it even still worked.
All muses referenced with permission and are from the
princeton2nyc universeWord Count | 525