OUAH! JE SUIS PARFAIT EN TOUT!

one month into my third year, and all is....

aestover — Thu, 29 Sep 2016 09:54:19 GMT

It's been about twenty days since my third year began. All is well, for now.

I still can't wrap my head around the fact that I'm teaching. That I'm a teacher. That I'm working a real job with real pay and real benefits. It's surreal to me, that I am this fortunate, especially when I can say definitvely that yes, I actually like my job.

On another note: maybe I'll up date more. Or maybe I won't. It depends. I haven't been on LJ since Tumblr, but I don't exactly want to leave LJ. Nostalgia, and the like, you know?

tomorrow marks my 2nd year

aestover — Mon, 07 Sep 2015 17:12:35 GMT

School officially begins tomorrow. I have a few hours before the second academic year begins.

I'm not ready. I don't want it to start. I haven't been lazy enough, and I don't want to own up to my actions, to my students' actions, to anything, really. I don't want to deal with kids with shitty attitudes, I don't want to deal with teaching a class of kids who can't help but be distracting and be a bit of a shithead because they're at that age and they don't know how to control their misbehaviors.

I don't want to be a teacher yet. I want to be a kid.

I'll be turning 24 this year. To be honest, it's terrifying to think that I'm 24 years old but feel like I'm 14, and be responsible for the education of 150 kids. I'm in charge of teaching 3 different curriculums this year, because I'm the only social studies teacher, and I don't want to take on that responsibility just yet.

I don't want to fail anyone: not my kids, not my colleagues and administration, and not myself. But I don't have the luxury of preparing anymore; I wasted that time acting like a shitty kid and procrastinated, just like my own kids.

One day, I'll look back at this post and just laugh. Not becuase I've become wiser or more mature, but because I'll be so enamoured with the shitty chaos and discord my kids are bringing every day along with their small successes and great victories. One day, I'll laugh at my misery because my kids will have given me the strength and the courage to do so.

But until that day comes, I'll just sit here and pout, just like my shitty kids.

take a deep breath

aestover — Tue, 26 May 2015 19:13:06 GMT

I made my first PID home call. In Korean.

It wasn't the best thing in the world that I've had to do. I've been dreading to make the call, actually. Nobody wants to call a parent to tell their child is at risk of moving up to the next grade. I did the right thing; I told her what she needed to know about her kid (even if that meant ruining summer plans that she'd been planning so hard for) and forwarded the ELA teacher's email address. As the SS teacher, I have no idea what the kid's ELA grade is. So talking to the parent is pretty much useless unless I'm serving as the translator.

This is probably going to be the first of many calls. (in Korean).

I just have that feeling.

Honesty time! Let's share something meaningful!!!

aestover — Sun, 04 Jan 2015 19:54:35 GMT

Holy fuck I don't know what I'm doing with my life anymore. I don't know if I can handle being a teacher, hahaaha somebody help me please.

I'm Officially A(n employed) NYC Public School Teacher

aestover — Wed, 20 Aug 2014 00:09:19 GMT

I got a job.

I'll be teaching in New York City come this September. I'm the new social studies teacher for the 6th and 7th grades; two 6th grade classes & one 7th grade class, two of the three being ICT (Integrated Co-Teaching)/CTT (Collaborative Team-Teaching) classes, as well as a Media/Technology class. So, four classes a day, five days a week. And that's not including extended day programs, planning/development periods, observation/feedback sessions, and self-reflection time.

Busy can't even begin to describe what my life will be. I'm terrified at the sudden onslaught of responsibilities, but I'm also determined and excited to make changes in my students' lives.

I won't be blogging much on LJ anymore; maybe during the off-days to summarize what I've been doing. And I definitely don't think I'll be doing anything fandom-related for a while. But I do plan to do a weekly blog, focused primarily on my experience as a first-year teacher: from my job searching craze to the hectic hiring process, and of course my teaching methodologies, classroom management successes and disasters, end-of-the-year results, and the next steps. Tumblr will serve as the platform, just because it's easier to use on both a PC/laptop and phone app.

So, yeah.

Let's survive.

Jamaica in Queens

aestover — Sat, 28 Jun 2014 13:26:21 GMT

I went to Jamaica, Queens yesterday to return my cable boxes (thus ending my cable relationship with Time Warner) and ~~my mom~~ had to drive locally on the way back... We drove through Jamaica Avenue, where gentrification was at its worst and had squashed out so many of the mom & pop shops that the area used to be known for.
And it made me so mad. You see these kids ambling about with their pants hung low and and the girls with fake nails and glitter everywhere. It's was a school day. And it wasn't even lunch hour. They were supposed to be in school. But they were hanging around in the corner of a street together, laughing and smoking something together and I just got so mad. Not at the kids, but at where they were. All they see is that. There are posters of shit rappers on the stores, there are ads filled with voluptuous ladies wearing the latest shit called clothes and makeup, and there are three McDonalds, two Burger Kings, and two Wendys within a five-block radius.

Where is the library? Where are the schools? Where is anything that values learning?

Instead, the only building that even remotely alludes to something intelligent is the supreme court building smack dab in the middle of the city. To these kids, it's a reminder that Big Brother is out there; it's a warning not to fuck up when you're doing shit, or you'll end up in there -- where your dad is, maybe, or where your mother or your brother or your uncle or your best friend is.

And I just. I can't. I hate this. I hate everything. I want to wipe out the street and start fresh. Build a park. Build better schools. Put in a fucking library, for once.

But I can't do that. Because that is completely out of my control.

...

aestover — Fri, 23 May 2014 02:52:15 GMT

Pearson has agreed that edTPA (the big teaching certification exam I'm taking) is flawed. The exam may be suspended indefinitely, starting next year.

Well.

At least I didn't have to pay for that shit :V

(also I thought the exam was pretty well designed. and fun. (?????!!) oh well?)

~~(also I graduated from grad school so now I am big adult /o\)~~

oh, look. what's that over there?

aestover — Fri, 04 Apr 2014 10:37:23 GMT

Ah. It's just me.

Just me.

I'm still alive.

Morning of Sleet

aestover — Wed, 05 Feb 2014 12:59:07 GMT

Despite the terrible weather in New York, public schools remain open. I didn't mind. I was looking forward to doing the follow-up lesson from yesterday, especially after I got such wonderful feedback from my CT and my field specialist.

Unfortunately, the neighborhood I live in seems to think that none of its residents ever leave the area (which is true, to a certain extent). So the bus doesn't stop by the route near by house and instead terminates halfway. Knowing this from the many traumatizing experiences of hiking in knee-deep snow as a student, I dressed appropriately and trekked the seven blocks against the whipping sleet and ice to where the bus would come.

At 5:30 AM, about 10 minutes into my journey, I joined a troupe of fellow snow-trekkers. Along the way, we shared details of our short but brutal walk and laughed about the fact that, by tomorrow, all this would seem like a dream. We finally managed to get to the stop and huddled together under the plexi-glass bus shelter. 30 minutes went by, and there was no bus. That wasn't odd; we expected that. We passed the time by sharing where we were headed and whether we were students, workers, or anything else. It was a good, sociable time.

At 6:44, the bus arrived. We rejoiced; some raised their arms and some clapped each other on the back and shoulder with good cheer. Quickly, we scurried on the bus; students were let in first, to get first dibs on seats, then the elderly. Then we the workers climbed in. It was warm, and the windows were completely fogged up -- so were my glasses. We arranged ourselves inside, some standing and others sitting. The bus closed its doors and the driver shifted to continue driving.

The bus jerked forward an inch, but moved no more. The sound of tires grinding endlessly against wet slush sounded mockingly in our ears.

We were stuck.

Oh well, I thought, having foreseen such a possibility. I pulled out a sandwich and a thermos of hot coffee from my bag. At least I'm warm.

aestover — Tue, 31 Dec 2013 01:29:10 GMT

when i look back at what i've done so far, i feel proud.
but i look back at the things i want to do...

and then i don't.

digesting adolescence

aestover — Fri, 28 Jun 2013 19:10:31 GMT

It's been a thought on my mind for a while — the purpose of that awkward adolescent stage, that is. It's a frustrating in-between of sorts: you feel as if you've gained all this knowledge, but find that you either can't do anything with it or it isn't enough. A stomach full of food and a body starved of nutrients; your adolescent years are spent digesting what you've been fed.

it took just one capsule of aleve—

aestover — Mon, 24 Jun 2013 14:13:31 GMT

—to put me in a life-threatening state.

I'd been sick with sinusitis two weeks ago and was taking acetaminophen along with some antibacterials. Everything had been going just fine; I was slowly but surely getting better. So, then, why did I take Aleve? Right. Let me get to that.

I have a bottle of Aleve at home, despite my parents' warnings not to take Aleve (they each had a bad reaction to it), because it worked for my menstrual cramps. Tylenol worked too, but I was like "hey, I can just pop two of these pills in one sitting and be pain-free the whole day!"

So, on approximately 11:30 last Monday, I took one capsule of Aleve.

The whole afternoon, I felt as if there was something stuck in my throat. I kept drinking water, swallowing, even eating to try and get it down. I thought the pill was stuck in my esophagus and didn't really think too much of it (until I read that that sort of thing could burn a hole in your throat—yikes!). I went to class, finished class, and went home.

That's when the fun began.

That "stuck-in-my-throat" feeling from earlier? Yeah. That was an allergic reaction. The beginning of an allergic reaction. The real blow began around 7PM to 8:30 PM, when my throat started burning, and then in the night, when my throat fucking swelled up and I felt like there was a fucking flower blooming inside to fill it up because my epiglottis was swollen. Super.

Our whole family never re-newed our health insurance, so I was in quite the predicament. The family and I agreed not to go until I had trouble breathing; which was nerve-wrecking for everybody because they all felt obligated to stay by my side and monitor be at all times. My mom found chances to slip in those "I-told-you-so" scoldings every so often, but not as much as I'd anticipated, haha. It turns out the "bad reaction" my parents had were quite severe allergic reactions to Aleve; my mother suffered like I did while my dad had stomach bleeding.

So the rest of the week, I learned to live with a swollen epiglottis and tongue. I lived on water and applesauce the first three days, slowly moved onto jello and canned peaches on Thursday, and began eating solid food for the first time on Friday.

Now, I'm okay. It's as if nothing had ever happened. The bottle of Aleve is in the trash, and I'm still enjoying my applesauce and jello (I hadn't had that since I was in grade school, and my mother refused to buy me any because I needed to be eating "real food," aka Korean food).

My whole take away from this experience? Don't take Aleve. Listen to your parents.

the road of uncertainty

aestover — Mon, 20 May 2013 01:54:42 GMT

Graduated yesterday, and am free from collegiate duties for the rest of my life. It's weird — surreal, even. I still remember how anxious I was about starting college. It seems like it was just a few days ago, even now. I continue my graduate studies tomorrow (I have a summer session this year), and then I have a job July to August. I begin student teaching this Fall and Spring semester, and it's just... overwhelmingly new to me. I feel like I'm starting college all over again.

I don't think I'll have much time to write or update anything fandom related for a few years if I start working as a teacher after I graduate, or even the coming academic year. I don't even know if — if I'll even get hired. That's the frightening part — the uncertainly of my future. I can put as much preparation as I can for my future, but nothing's ever a guarantee. Being hired will always be one of those things that just happens; not because you plan for it. You can prepare yourself to be the best you can be for the interview, but you never really know until it happens.

Sometimes, though, it just never happens.

This is considered sexual harassment, right?

aestover — Mon, 11 Mar 2013 22:34:16 GMT

I recently received a review from a user, currently going by the name eoitgooiug (User ID: 4471971), for one of my fanfics on FFN. While I've received my fair share of strange and unorthodox comments (and a few hate messages every so often) during my stay at FFN, this particular review is admittedly a new experience for me.

The review received reads as follows:

eoitgooiug 3/11/13 . chapter 1

How to give good head

1) Tongue

Use your tongue to loll up and down the shaft and around the tip. It will immediately insight interest. Don't hold back, cover the shaft with your tongue completely. Do not put it in your mouth yet!

2) Tip

Engage the tip of the penis by gently suckling on it, and once again, using the tongue to rummage around it, creating immense pleasure.

3) Down the shaft.

Move gently down the shaft. I implore you to do this very slowly, and send him into shivers of pleasure. Once again, continue using your tongue to envelop his cock and create a small amount, not too much, of pressure by suckling on it.

4) Suck

Begin moving up and down. Again, slowly. Twist your head in different ways around his penis and still, continue using the tongue as an added bonus. One technique that is useful is to rub the tip of his penis against the roof of your mouth. The tip is very sensitive, so it can almost put him in pleasure shock if you aren't careful. Or make him ejaculate.

5) Deep Throat

Take the penis all the way to the back of the throat. Relax your throat muscles and take as much as you can. If you can force it all down, immediately stop, and do as much as possible. Increase speed and continue using the tongue and move your head quickly around his cock.

6) Spit or Swallow?

It is a sign of appreciation for your partner if you swallow the semen. Also, you may enjoy the taste, albeit, it can take some getting used to. If not, you can dispose of it in a tissue. Also, if you are VERY naughty, you can let him ejaculate on your face. This will be a surefire way of pleasing him.

Practice makes perfect. You don't have to be a world champion deep throat or anything. Just do your best and make sure he returns the favor. :) *wink*

So... Do I report this as sexual harassment? (Or spam, at the very least; it's not relevant to the content of my fanfic and it's definitely a form of advertisement.) Or should I just keep this up for laughs? I've screen-capped it and everything, though I don't know if I'd have to (just in case, I guess?).

40 Days of Lent: 2013

aestover — Wed, 20 Feb 2013 01:44:56 GMT

This year, I'm giving up music. So no listening to music on commutes, nor at home, nor when I'm studying. No signing, either. Church music on Sundays (and some Saturdays) won't count; I don't have any option around that anyhow.

Let's see how this goes?

a common error

aestover — Fri, 01 Feb 2013 16:48:02 GMT

When I was in middle school, there was a big change in how to designate our years — you know, that change from using "BC/AD" to "BCE/CE."

When BCE/CE was introduced, it was explained as "Before the Common Era" and "Common Era." But to my still-developing child ears, I heard it as "Before the Common Error" and "Common Error." Which made sense to me, because I thought the "error" referred to a debate over whether or not Christ was born.

When did I learn that it was "era" and not "error?"

When I was a senior in high school.

a subtle aversion to... what, exactly?

aestover — Tue, 08 Jan 2013 21:57:22 GMT

What makes humans want to flee under duress? I've never understood that. Or maybe I do, somewhere deep down, and I just don't want to admit it. As long as the conflict doesn't threaten the health and safety of the persons involved, isn't it easier to just buck up and take it? To persevere? To endure?

Or maybe endurance and perseverance is just another way to say you're taking a coward's way out...?

three little elephants

aestover — Mon, 10 Dec 2012 16:07:28 GMT

Three little elephants dancing by the sea
One jumped too high and fell on his knee
His friends gathered round and said of little E
"My, what a silly elephant."

Two little elephants dancing by the sea
One heard a whale and ran away to see
The last little elephant said of little E
"My, what a silly elephant."

One little elephant dancing by the sea
He didn't have much fun because he was lonely
His friends came back with a picnic for three
My, what such silly elephants.

ocean blue

aestover — Fri, 16 Nov 2012 15:28:19 GMT

There are voices from the sea
magic secrets that they keep
and they're calling out to you
from the depths of ocean blue.

Can you hear their ancient song?
Tales of soldiers all day long
bravely fighting just for you
from the rolling seas of blue.

Strings of pearls and scales of light
merfolk dream of every night
hoping that their princess true
will come back to ocean blue.

happy birthday to me~~!

aestover — Mon, 12 Nov 2012 11:53:51 GMT

Of course, my day will be spent writing papers and doing research...
~~and eating cake. lots and lots of cake.~~

aestover — Fri, 02 Nov 2012 01:12:41 GMT

I am forever twenty-one
and in love with Chekhov's gun;
suspension placed on disbelief
is how I play away my grief.

farewell, sandy (and good riddance!)

aestover — Tue, 30 Oct 2012 20:38:42 GMT

Thankfully, the storm barely touched my neighborhood; no flooding, no power outages (the cable and phone lines were down for a few hours mid-day, but now they're back up), and no downed trees.

How are you all holding up? Are any of you in or near the NE coastal area? (In this case, I hope not :X)

Hello, Sandy.

aestover — Mon, 29 Oct 2012 21:10:17 GMT

Evacuations have been called, but despite the urgency of the situation there are people who stubbornly refuse to listen and choose to stay put. I suppose I can understand the decision to stay at home, but I don't think I will ever understand those who will put their lives at risk just to "catch a few waves" or "take a few shots" in this kind of weather.

aestover — Wed, 12 Sep 2012 17:48:52 GMT

the words i want to write are just out of reach

i can feel them slipping through my fingers and float farther away

never making breakfast without supervision ever again

aestover — Wed, 08 Aug 2012 17:42:49 GMT

So this morning, after my shower, I went into the kitchen to slap together a quick breakfast sandwich (egg + cheese + bologna). My first bite into the sandwich, I noticed the texture was kind of strange; it was chewy, but not in the way food should ever be chewy. As I was still half asleep, and because I could not give a damn, I swallowed and took another bite.

This time, however, as I pulled away, there was a thin, plastic string that I noticed sticking out from the sandwich in my hand — right where I took a bite. I recognized it as the plastic casing around bologna which often gets cut up with the bologna if the deli people don't pull back the casing far back enough. It's really no big deal, I told myself, I can just pull it out and—

Holy mother of God, I ate the plastic casing.

That chewy thingy I put in my mouth and chewed and chewed and chewed away and fucking swallowed was a piece of plastic casing.

Holy freaking—

Can I die from this?! But it was small...! No, there was just way too much chewing for it to have been just a small plastic thing; it might've been super long — maybe as long as the circumference of the bologna slice! Ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod—

*DIES*

* finding and reading THIS certainly didn't alleviate any freak-outs at all.