aeslis @ 2008-08-02T10:54:00

2008-08-02T02:18:21Z

ɜ1◦❹ says: (4:19:11 PM) wanna know what's weird?
ɜ1◦❹ says: (4:19:54 PM) Amy and I were like, talking on and off all day...

Nino-Yoshi says: (4:22:01 PM) ooh~

ɜ1◦❹ says: (4:22:24 PM) .. what's that supposed to mean? D:

Nino-Yoshi says: (4:24:29 PM) what?
Nino-Yoshi says: (4:24:33 PM) am i supposed to be happy?

ɜ1◦❹ says: (4:25:10 PM) no? i don't know? i wasn't looking for any particular response but "ooh~" I can't interpret.

Nino-Yoshi says: (4:25:29 PM) did you have fun?

ɜ1◦❹ says: (4:26:46 PM) well it wasn't difficult or annoying or any of that. like, negative.

Nino-Yoshi says: (4:27:51 PM) that's good

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (4:39:47 PM) still talking to her?

ɜ1◦❹ says: (4:40:19 PM) Yeah sorta.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (4:40:24 PM) cool
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (4:40:31 PM) maybe ill just go then

ɜ1◦❹ says: (4:40:34 PM) What's the matter?

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (4:40:43 PM) you talking to amy who's really mean to me?
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (4:40:46 PM) there could be that

ɜ1◦❹ says: (4:40:55 PM) Did she do something?

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (4:41:12 PM) yeah, yesterday. i dont want to talk about it.
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (4:41:12 PM) but please
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (4:41:15 PM) continue to be friends
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (4:41:18 PM) even when she tells me she hates you

ɜ1◦❹ says: (4:41:26 PM) I don't trust her.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (4:41:31 PM) well woo hoo

ɜ1◦❹ says: (4:42:12 PM) I can't forget what she said about me that time.
ɜ1◦❹ says: (4:42:28 PM) I know she doesn't like me... she fakes it really well, though...

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (4:42:33 PM) okay

ɜ1◦❹ says: (4:43:05 PM) what do you think i should do?

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (4:43:15 PM) whatever you want

ɜ1◦❹ says: (4:43:22 PM) I'd still like an opinion.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (4:43:43 PM) well i don't know. whatever you fucking want.

ɜ1◦❹ says: (4:46:25 PM) I'll think about it then.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (4:46:33 PM) okay then

ɜ1◦❹ says: (4:47:54 PM) she still talks about me like that?

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (4:49:46 PM) i don't know

ɜ1◦❹ says: (4:50:32 PM) hnn..

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (4:51:12 PM) whatever, keep talking to her! what do i know.

ɜ1◦❹ says: (4:51:24 PM) plenty.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (4:51:40 PM) well obviously you're enjoying yourself~

ɜ1◦❹ says: (4:51:58 PM) why are you talking to me like that?
ɜ1◦❹ says: (4:52:14 PM) i'm bothered, i'm not ignoring what you're saying.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (4:53:02 PM) yeah. okay.
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (4:53:06 PM) why do you even talk to her in the first place?

ɜ1◦❹ says: (4:54:11 PM) yesterday she asked me to bring sho along and it just... she talked to me so i talked to her. and today she was telling me what krystal was doing and i was appalled and we both have a common enemy in krystal, so.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (4:54:22 PM) ok then.

ɜ1◦❹ says: (4:54:49 PM) i feel pretty gross now though.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (4:54:54 PM) ahaha
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (4:54:55 PM) oh yeah?

ɜ1◦❹ says: (4:55:02 PM) yeah. why's that funny?

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (4:55:14 PM) because maybe you should think more about how what you're doing is going to make you feel.

ɜ1◦❹ says: (4:55:28 PM) ... uh

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (4:55:33 PM) uh.
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (4:55:34 PM) what?
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (4:56:09 PM) telling you all the time how people being close to amy and acting like she's great makes me feel gross
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (4:56:13 PM) and then you do like, the same thing?

ɜ1◦❹ says: (4:56:18 PM) I'm not close to amy.
ɜ1◦❹ says: (4:56:25 PM) and i certainly don't think she's great.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (4:56:33 PM) no, you just had to point out that you spent the whole day on and off talking to her! woo fucking hoo!

ɜ1◦❹ says: (4:56:58 PM) yeah, i pointed it out because it was weird. and something that would also be weird if i hid?

ɜ1◦❹ says: (4:57:13 PM) it's not like, oh happy day, me and amy are talking!

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (4:57:17 PM) go be best friends with her and let her warp you to dislike me too, how's that.

ɜ1◦❹ says: (4:57:19 PM) it's like, what sort of time reality warp just happened?

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (4:57:28 PM) yeah, it's because you're so great
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (4:57:33 PM) that she wanted to talk to you

ɜ1◦❹ says: (4:57:33 PM) yeah. sure.
ɜ1◦❹ says: (4:57:41 PM) ... that's a point.
ɜ1◦❹ says: (4:57:46 PM) i don't know why she even would.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (4:57:55 PM) because you're so awesome~

ɜ1◦❹ says: (4:58:00 PM) oh cut it, obviously not.
ɜ1◦❹ says: (4:58:09 PM) ... i don't mean that in a mean way, just a.
ɜ1◦❹ says: (4:58:14 PM) ... that doesn't come through well in text.
ɜ1◦❹ says: (4:58:20 PM) the mood i meant by it.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (4:58:24 PM) ok

ɜ1◦❹ says: (4:58:46 PM) i meant it sorta like 'duh, no'. but, yeah. sorry, that sounded sort of rude.
ɜ1◦❹ says: (4:59:27 PM) i'm so fucking confused.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (4:59:36 PM) oh?

ɜ1◦❹ says: (5:00:18 PM) yeah. usually i can read people really well, but amy throws me through a loop and i really don't like it. obviously the her that shows in communities, i can't stand. obviously i'm even sort of the same, like, talking about her behind her back, negative shit, and then chatting amiably enough with her to her face...

ɜ1◦❹ says: (5:00:22 PM) but why WOULD she even wanna talk to me?
ɜ1◦❹ says: (5:00:25 PM) i can't figure that out.
ɜ1◦❹ says: (5:00:29 PM) i don't understand her
ɜ1◦❹ says: (5:00:58 PM) and this whole situation has me totally brainfucked.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (5:02:28 PM) maybe it's not about you

ɜ1◦❹ says: (5:02:52 PM) like, she's talking to me for different reasons? or i'm being too egotistical thinking about myself right now?

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (5:04:09 PM) maybe both

ɜ1◦❹ says: (5:05:20 PM) *sigh* Maybe I should just stop thinking about it because it's not really going to help anything?

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (5:05:34 PM) Whatever you want to do.

ɜ1◦❹ says: (5:05:55 PM) Mmn, no, what? I can tell you're thinking something.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (5:07:51 PM) Doesn't matter if I am.

ɜ1◦❹ says: (5:08:03 PM) Why's that?

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (5:10:09 PM) Because
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (5:10:16 PM) I don't like this conversation

ɜ1◦❹ says: (5:10:40 PM) All right, then the end.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (5:16:34 PM) okay, well, i think i'll just go so you can enjoy your conversation with amy!

ɜ1◦❹ says: (5:16:41 PM) we're not really talking anymore.
ɜ1◦❹ says: (5:16:43 PM) don't go.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (5:16:54 PM) why does it even FUCKING MATTER what i fucking do,.

ɜ1◦❹ says: (5:17:35 PM) .. it matters a lot.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (5:17:39 PM) yeah sure

ɜ1◦❹ says: (5:18:06 PM) yeah. it does.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (5:18:18 PM) well thanks for fucking thinking of my feelings at all

ɜ1◦❹ says: (5:18:31 PM) i fucking am, but thanks for talking to me like this again.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (5:18:46 PM) oh, okay, because yeah
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (5:18:51 PM) i should always be timid tash

ɜ1◦❹ says: (5:18:54 PM) no.
ɜ1◦❹ says: (5:19:04 PM) i didn't say that. i want to hear what you think but i don't want to be yelled at.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (5:21:11 PM) I think that it was rude of you to bring up talking to Amy like it was some big special deal.
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (5:21:17 PM) There, no yelling, how about that.

ɜ1◦❹ says: (5:22:12 PM) I didn't realize it would come across that way, at all. Maybe it did...
ɜ1◦❹ says: (5:22:42 PM) It wasn't how I was thinking of it, but I'm sorry.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (5:24:00 PM) Do you want to be liked by her or something?

ɜ1◦❹ says: (5:25:38 PM) Not... no, I don't care if she likes me or not. But I'd rather not have that negative tension, I guess. I'm... I get bothered when people have the wrong impression of me, too, so I guess part of me is like, maybe she'll realize I'm not the person she thinks I am. But I'm not trying to be friends with her or get in good with her.
ɜ1◦❹ says: (5:25:46 PM) She's not the kind of person I want to be friends with, really.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (5:25:55 PM) Yeah, okay, so that's why you talk to her.

ɜ1◦❹ says: (5:26:41 PM) yeah. it's childish. and makes me feel stupid, too... but i can admit it. i just don't like people hating me.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (5:27:52 PM) You're misinformed if you think she's going to change her opinion of you.
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (5:27:55 PM) It's stupid.
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (5:28:08 PM) But if it makes you feel better to talk to her and play nice when neither of you like each other
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (5:28:09 PM) Whatever

ɜ1◦❹ says: (5:28:23 PM) You're probably right.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (5:28:27 PM) No matter how people around you feel
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (5:28:30 PM) if it makes you feel better, then hey!

ɜ1◦❹ says: (5:28:34 PM) well... no.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (5:28:42 PM) Well, then what the fuck are you doing.

ɜ1◦❹ says: (5:29:08 PM) I don't know.
ɜ1◦❹ says: (5:32:54 PM) ... I just don't know.

ɜ1◦❹ says: (5:33:29 PM) Can I ask a question?

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (5:33:33 PM) what

ɜ1◦❹ says: (5:33:43 PM) If she bothers you so much and hurts you so much, why do you stay friends with her?

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (5:34:03 PM) Yes, because this should totally be turned around to be about me..

ɜ1◦❹ says: (5:34:08 PM) No, I'm just wondering.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (5:34:13 PM) Well keep wondering.

ɜ1◦❹ says: (5:34:20 PM) ... Yeah. Right, okay.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (5:34:47 PM) Because I don't like to give up on people. Because I'm a fucking nice person. Despite whatever you're thinking.

ɜ1◦❹ says: (5:35:28 PM) So not because of her.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (5:36:35 PM) What?

ɜ1◦❹ says: (5:40:08 PM) I'm being nitpicky, I suppose. But your answer is because of your own strengths in character, not Amy's. So... you've said you know she has a good person inside her, but... since your answer didn't really reflect that... I mean. This is going to sound weird I guess, I don't know how to explain it well, but I'll try.

ɜ1◦❹ says: (5:42:01 PM) ... Lord. I suck at this.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (5:42:09 PM) I don't care, I don't want to hear it.
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (5:42:15 PM) All you're doing is making me upset.

ɜ1◦❹ says: (5:42:22 PM) Then I'll stop.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (5:42:52 PM) I'm not sure you can.

ɜ1◦❹ says: (5:43:36 PM) Stop talking, I meant.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (5:44:22 PM) Maybe you should just give up on me.
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (5:44:25 PM) Go date Amy or something.

ɜ1◦❹ says: (5:44:33 PM) ...
ɜ1◦❹ says: (5:44:59 PM) I'm so incredibly baffled. Where did that come from?

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (5:45:16 PM) Because all you've been doing lately is arguing with me!

ɜ1◦❹ says: (5:45:41 PM) I'm talking about the dating Amy part. That's just like, ridiculous.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (5:45:52 PM) Well you want her to like you!
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (5:45:56 PM) So why not take it a step further.
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (5:46:15 PM) I can't believe you're not past that
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (5:46:17 PM) and I thought you were
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (5:46:22 PM) the everyone has to like me thing

ɜ1◦❹ says: (5:46:22 PM) You're not either.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (5:46:29 PM) Did I ever say I was?

ɜ1◦❹ says: (5:46:31 PM) No.
ɜ1◦❹ says: (5:46:35 PM) But why get on my case about it?

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (5:46:42 PM) How old are you?

ɜ1◦❹ says: (5:46:49 PM) Excuse me? Are you going to lecture me about my age?

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (5:47:09 PM) Since when was I lecturing?

ɜ1◦❹ says: (5:48:15 PM) I told you, I think it's childish. And it's embarrassing. But yeah, it's something I still feel. Just because I'm five years older doesn't make me immune to shit like that.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (5:49:15 PM) Okay then.
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (5:55:00 PM) Still having fun talking to her?

ɜ1◦❹ says: (5:55:25 PM) Why ask that?

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (5:55:30 PM) Why not?

ɜ1◦❹ says: (5:55:43 PM) because the idea bothers you. it's like trying to rub salt in your wounds.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (5:56:07 PM) It's like trying to figure out what you're doing and where I stand.

ɜ1◦❹ says: (5:56:18 PM) ... where you stand..?

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (5:56:23 PM) ZHKgjilqykaweqb
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (5:56:31 PM) I hate having to FUCKING EXPLAIN EVERY THING I SAY
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (5:56:35 PM) ALL YOU DO IS ASK FUCKING QUESTIONS.
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (5:56:43 PM) it's like having a conversation with a THERAPIST AND I HATE IT.
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (5:57:23 PM) You don't understand the entire thing and then you turn it around to be about me
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (5:57:25 PM) and why I even talk to amy
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (5:57:27 PM) and it's annoying
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (5:57:28 PM) and i hate it
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (5:57:30 PM) i fucking hate it
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (5:57:38 PM) and then you act this way
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (5:57:57 PM) like you have authority over me, like you're older than me so you make so much more sense
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (5:58:07 PM) but no, just because you're five years older doesnt mean anything you say
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (5:58:12 PM) and its all contradicting

ɜ1◦❹ says: (5:58:39 PM) ... yeah. well. listening to that, i don't understand why you like me at all.
ɜ1◦❹ says: (5:59:02 PM) i'm frustrating, i'm contradictory, i do stupid things, i never understand.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (5:59:26 PM) because maybe you'll learn.
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (5:59:29 PM) or maybe i'll die, who knows.

ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:00:01 PM) maybe i'll LEARN? what, to be a better person? to live up to some expectations i don't even understand? i try to learn by ASKING. but you hate that, so.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:00:40 PM) i meant more like you'll learn more about me. but whatever, take it however the fuck you want to.

ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:01:07 PM) I've ... been trying, Tash, I've been trying so hard.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:01:15 PM) yeah. i'm just so hard to understand.

ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:01:31 PM) I didn't mean it that way.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:02:54 PM) just forget it. forget me.

ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:03:13 PM) You say that so easily. You should know the answer by now.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:05:14 PM) do you think i'm inferior to you?

ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:05:18 PM) No.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:05:29 PM) then figure out some way to stop acting that way
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:05:40 PM) please
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:06:05 PM) i constantly feel like all you do is look down on me

ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:06:07 PM) ......... I'm sorry. I.. see.. how it came across that way.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:06:11 PM) like im a sick person that doesnt make any sense
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:06:11 PM) ever
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:06:42 PM) and like youre so great you have to try to interpret what i say so that it will actually make sense
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:06:55 PM) and if you don't see how what you do comes across that way don't say you do

ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:07:19 PM) I meant that sentence up there. In retrospect. But on the whole, no, I didn't know it seemed that way.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:07:38 PM) then forget it

ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:08:59 PM) But there's a lot that I DON'T understand. You've said so yourself, and there's shit I never will.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:11:33 PM) so why bother

ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:12:37 PM) Because you're my friend. Because you're brilliant.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:13:06 PM) you have other more brilliant friends

ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:14:18 PM) .. are you trying to convince me to leave you? I don't want to.
ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:14:24 PM) And I don't compare.
ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:14:39 PM) It's not the kind of thing where, oh, I have this person, I don't need that one.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:14:53 PM) who's your most important friend then
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:14:59 PM) or is that 'comparing'

ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:15:02 PM) I don't have one.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:15:09 PM) sigh.

ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:15:22 PM) Sorry, but I don't.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:15:26 PM) yeah
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:15:27 PM) because
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:15:32 PM) amy is just as important as like, me?

ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:15:36 PM) amy's not my friend.
ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:15:47 PM) and no, it's... some friends i'm not as close to as others.
ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:15:51 PM) it's not that everyone's the same.
ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:16:01 PM) but the people i'm really close to i don't... distinguish between.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:16:14 PM) heh

ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:16:21 PM) something wrong with that?

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:16:28 PM) yeah, i don't like it.

ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:16:56 PM) too bad then, i guess.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:17:02 PM) yeah!
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:17:05 PM) too fucking bad for me!
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:17:08 PM) too fucking bad i'm not special!

ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:17:16 PM) oh fuck off, of course you are.
ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:17:21 PM) don't make light of shit.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:17:23 PM) thanks.

ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:17:36 PM) yeah? thanks right back, making it sound like i don't give a shit.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:17:40 PM) oheop asvr5j12iog jsea
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:17:44 PM) you are so FUCKING IRRITATING.
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:17:48 PM) i don't even have the fucking words.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:18:53 PM) oh, done talking to me?

ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:19:04 PM) No.
ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:19:11 PM) I don't have much to say to that, though.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:19:52 PM) You don't feel bad at all do you.

ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:20:48 PM) You've called me irritating so many times, Tash, and I have gotten depressed over it so many times... I want to stop feeling like a shitty person in your eyes, but I don't know that I can.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:21:18 PM) Yeah, so why not just give up on me since I'm so awful?

ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:22:02 PM) Is this how you really feel about me? Absolutely, truly, always? When you apologize afterwards is it a lie? I don't think it is...

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:22:28 PM) But you never learn

ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:22:43 PM) That sounds like I'm a dog or something.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:22:52 PM) oh for fuck's sake

ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:22:59 PM) well it DOES.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:23:01 PM) yeah because that's totally how i would mean it

ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:23:17 PM) you tell me to pay attention to my words, yeah? that I sound like this and that, even if I don't mean it that way, that I should be careful!

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:23:24 PM) fine
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:23:25 PM) you know what
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:23:28 PM) i'm just going to disappear
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:23:31 PM) and drop out of your life
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:23:35 PM) and that should do you good

ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:23:37 PM) don't you dare.
ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:23:45 PM) you'd give up on me?
ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:23:48 PM) don't do it.
ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:23:52 PM) i want you here, tash.
ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:23:58 PM) i love you, and that is not me just saying shit.
ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:23:59 PM) i do.
ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:24:07 PM) i'm going to cry--fuck that, i am crying.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:24:12 PM) awb
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:24:13 PM) gjwajklga
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:24:13 PM) oh yeah
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:24:17 PM) WELCOME TO THE FUCKING PARTY
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:24:22 PM) i've been FUCKING CRYING FOR TWO FUCKING HOURS
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:24:29 PM) so fuck off

ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:24:31 PM) ...

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:24:39 PM) yeah, not so nice when i say it to you huh.
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:25:41 PM) im not giving up on you, im giving up on me
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:25:42 PM) so
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:25:44 PM) enjoy yourself

ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:25:45 PM) ..... i'm asking this utterly... honestly. it might be a stupid question, it might come across as retarded, but... even with all this, do you want me in your life?
ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:25:55 PM) tash.

ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:26:13 PM) oh god anything i say right now will sound so flimsy and retarded.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:26:19 PM) no

ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:26:21 PM) no matter how much i mean it.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:26:22 PM) it will sound unaffected
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:26:25 PM) like you still sound

ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:26:27 PM) yeah, okay

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:26:28 PM) and have sounded

ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:26:28 PM) like that

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:26:42 PM) at least when youre swearing at me theres something there

ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:26:47 PM) i don't like swearing.
ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:27:28 PM) not AT people...
ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:27:53 PM) i don't like... shooting at people... i don't like FIGHTING. I don't... I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't.
ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:28:08 PM) but i'm NOT unaffected.
ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:28:36 PM) I've... lately... I've been trying to be.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:29:31 PM) to be what

ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:29:44 PM) unaffected.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:29:49 PM) why

ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:30:45 PM) because... It affects me too much. I don't know if I can actually stop being this person that irritates you, and it hurts so much to hear.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:34:38 PM) stop worrying
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:34:40 PM) ill go away

ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:34:47 PM) that's not gonna help.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:35:07 PM) youd get over it

ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:35:22 PM) no, honestly, i wouldn't.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:37:47 PM) just forget it, im done..

ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:37:53 PM) i wouldn't!

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:38:08 PM) im done

ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:38:11 PM) with what.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:38:25 PM) everything

ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:39:14 PM) what do i do? how do I show you how much i care? i'm desperate, i can't.. i don't know how to show you!

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:39:31 PM) no need

ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:39:36 PM) yes.
ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:39:38 PM) there is.
ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:39:43 PM) you need to know.
ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:40:11 PM) if i could rip it out of me and fuse it into you

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:40:41 PM) forget it
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:40:42 PM) really

ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:40:49 PM) no. really.
ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:40:58 PM) i'm not... i'm not that kind of person, tash.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:41:13 PM) stop saying my name, i dont like it

ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:41:28 PM) okay.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:42:34 PM) i mean just forget about this
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:42:37 PM) keep doing whatever
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:42:40 PM) talking to amy

ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:42:46 PM) i'm not talking to amy.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:42:47 PM) trying to make people like you
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:42:48 PM) whatever
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:42:55 PM) just forget whatever i said

ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:43:21 PM) i don't ignore people's feelings.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:43:40 PM) try then

ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:43:43 PM) but...
ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:43:48 PM) i don't want to.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:43:53 PM) but you're not going to change

ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:44:27 PM) ... i can't change who i am... but...
ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:44:37 PM) but is it really so horrible?

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:44:46 PM) that you look down on me?

ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:44:50 PM) i don't.
ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:44:54 PM) not..
ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:45:12 PM) i don't think i do.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:45:23 PM) okay
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:45:51 PM) i don't think i'm the only person who feels that way, though

ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:46:20 PM)... that kind of statement.... you're not going to tell me who you have in mind, are you.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:47:23 PM) i dont want to argue over names, i just want you to know that my opinion isnt just mine because i'm fucked up, there are others that feel the same way

ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:47:36 PM) ... that's really hurtful.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:47:52 PM) that other people sometimes feel you talk down to them?

ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:48:25 PM) no. that now i'm going to think everyone feels this way about me, that i won't know who thinks it, that i'll look at everyone and wonder, that i can't know, i can't fix it...

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:48:54 PM) it doesnt matter if you know who though
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:48:58 PM) ive told you that ive felt that way a lot
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:49:03 PM) and yet i still end up feeling that way
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:49:13 PM) not trying to put blame on you, honestly, im just saying

ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:49:47 PM) it doesn't matter if you're trying to put blame, it's... it makes me want to go and run and hide in a corner and not talk to anyone anymore.
ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:50:04 PM) because now, now i don't know who thinks what about me anymore.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:50:25 PM) does it matter? youd try to talk to everyone anyway and make them change their opinions

ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:50:45 PM) does it matter that i'm scared of people now?

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:51:17 PM) you dont even talk to the people

ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:51:27 PM) .. if i don't even talk to them... how can they feel i look down on them?

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:51:31 PM) im not even friends with any of your friends
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:51:42 PM) you used to
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:51:43 PM) or have
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:52:11 PM) besides im not going to just throw people under the bus and have you confront them about it

ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:52:25 PM) fine.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:52:32 PM) mad?

ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:52:36 PM) no. hurt. very.
ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:53:06 PM) a different kind of hurt.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:53:13 PM) what kind then

ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:54:02 PM) i feel almost betrayed. that... that you talk about me with people, that there are negative things people share with you about me, that... suddenly... i don't know who to trust anymore. this fucking reminds me of high school.
ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:54:22 PM) my best friend told me there were people that didn't like me.
ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:54:27 PM) she wouldn't tell me who.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:54:29 PM) yeah, youve told me this

ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:54:31 PM) yeah.
ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:54:37 PM) i feel now exactly like i did then.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:55:16 PM) yeah?
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:55:32 PM) its yuba amy and tess, just for who i can think of
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:55:35 PM) like that even fucking matters
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:55:42 PM) and i swear to fucking god if you bring that up with any of them
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:56:06 PM) thatd just be retarded.

ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:56:14 PM) .. i won't. i swear to... to something. i don't believe in god, but.
ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:56:30 PM) ... i know

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:56:35 PM) i wasnt saying it so that youd think about all this and feel betrayed and pity and whatever

ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:56:37 PM) i sound.. i don't know how i could be interpreted right now

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:56:47 PM) im saying that my opinion cant be completely fabricated
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:57:01 PM) or maybe its just me and everyone else interpret things the same
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:57:03 PM) who knows

ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:57:44 PM) ..... well... i don't.. like them. i talk to them differently than i talk to you. i especially do with yuba, i know I talk down to her sometimes...

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (6:58:12 PM) well maybe you dont talk as differently as youd like to think..

ɜ1◦❹ says: (6:58:33 PM) maybe.
ɜ1◦❹ says: (7:00:37 PM) i know you want me to think about it. and that's why you said so, that... maybe i'd realize it and figure it out.
ɜ1◦❹ says: (7:00:45 PM) but what if i can't?

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (7:02:17 PM) then i dont know if i can take it

ɜ1◦❹ says: (7:02:35 PM) even being friends with me?

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (7:02:51 PM) would you really want to be friends with someone who thinks theyre better than you
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (7:03:33 PM) do you want the really brutal truth? or no?

ɜ1◦❹ says: (7:03:38 PM) sure.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (7:04:56 PM) when i first talked to you, you seemed really...for lack of a better word, snotty. and that was a real turn off. but i liked you, didn't i? so there was sometime, something, whatever, that got past all that. except now we're going back to that beginning bit. maybe it's just a phase or something. i can deal with that.

ɜ1◦❹ says: (7:10:01 PM) i don't really know what to say to that at all... i've never been called that before, but... it... i can really see why. i just don't know how that makes me feel.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (7:11:05 PM) its ok. id be pissed, so.

ɜ1◦❹ says: (7:11:32 PM) i'm not... it's just... shocking to look at yourself in that sort of a way.
ɜ1◦❹ says: (7:13:07 PM) i'll.. have to think about it.
ɜ1◦❹ says: (7:14:01 PM) maybe it'll help. it... sort of opened some doors.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (7:14:11 PM) what kind of doors?

ɜ1◦❹ says: (7:15:39 PM) i don't know if i can explain, but like... how you say i'm always looking down on you.. if you say i act snotty it sort of changes the way i interpret that. and i can see how i do it. i think. maybe? it's different than i thought.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (7:16:19 PM) okie

ɜ1◦❹ says: (7:17:39 PM) i can't promise anything...

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (7:17:44 PM) i know

ɜ1◦❹ says: (7:17:47 PM) okay.

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (7:20:56 PM) should i leave you alone now?

ɜ1◦❹ says: (7:21:10 PM) No... I'd rather you didn't?

Screen1 トリカゴ says: (7:24:56 PM) okay, cause er
Screen1 トリカゴ says: (7:25:12 PM) ive gotten so bored of the computer im watching britney spears music videos on veoh

西向く士

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Fundraiser Update:

aeslis @ 2008-08-02T10:54:00