A fool indeed 2/2
The moment Choi Siwon made his way through the
bar’s door, Kim Heechul held his breath. It was not because he was extremely
handsome. Well, he was, tall, well build, dressed in good suit that made him
look like a millionaire. But the reason why Heechul lost his thoughts was the
fact that this man looked exactly like the first man he ever killed.
The pain in his head started suddenly thumping,
until Heechul realized he was still holding his breath. It felt just like that
night, when he felt as if the ground had been taken from under his body. He was
falling, falling, his face covered with his tears.
The bar was dimmed but Heechul clearly saw as
Sungmin reached the tall man and wrapped his arms around Siwon’s waist. The
heir looked down at him and smiled, ruffling his hair. A guy beside him who
looked exotic for some reason, had a smirk plastered to his face. He had to be
the bodyguard, Heechul assumed.
At some point, when Heechul was still
dumbfounded, he swore that along with Sungmin’s quick glance at him, Choi Siwon
looked at him, too.
He came back home as if he was drunk.
--
He didn’t dare to come back again next day. He
lay on his bed all day, only occasionally taking more alcohol from the fridge.
Maybe he shouldn’t do this.
In the evening Henry knocked at his door, tried
to draw him out from the apartment, or at least make him open the door by
shouting at the door. He left after thirty minutes of banging on the hard
surface and Heechul finally closed his eyes and drifted away.
--
He came back to the bar on the third day. He
sat on the stool at the bar and ordered a drink. Choi Siwon had been already
sitting there, in the dim corner with Sungmin on his lap and his bodyguard
sitting beside him with a glass in hand. The heir was running his fingers
through Sungmin’s hair as the other was whispering something into his ear with
a soft smile.
But that moment, Siwon’s and Heechul’s stare
crossed.
Heechul swallowed with difficulty but smirked
at the man and stood.
Then he walked out.
--
On the fourth day something snapped in Heechul.
He returned to the club, of course, but when he
sat at his usual place, he didn’t catch a sight of Choi Siwon. The bar seemed
desolated. But nevertheless he stayed, waiting for the man to show. However he
didn’t expect him to grow out from behind him.
“Are you waiting for someone?” a warm breath
hit his nape and Heechul instinctively quickly moved away. “Why so jumpy?” the
voice chuckled.
Then the handsome face appeared in front of
Heechul, with a gentle, dimpled smile. The older male shuddered.
“In fact yes, I am” he composed himself and
send him a tempting smirk. He discretely look around to see if that damn
bodyguard was there but it seemed like he was not. “Or rather was”
Siwon’s eyes twinkled with amusement and he
moved a little closer to Heechul.
“So now what are you going to do?” he asked
with husky voice.
Heechul had already an answer in his mouth however,
he felt a feather like touch of Siwon’s outer side of fingers on his neck. It
was only soft brush on his skin but it was enough to make him stiffen. His
breath quickened slightly and then it almost disappeared, making him dizzy and
angry. The feeling of rage grew in his stomach as the touch was still there,
and Heechul felt sick again.
“I’m going to let you watch me leave” he
hissed, trying to not to sound pissed.
He stood and yet again, he walked away.
--
He didn’t want to go to his flat so he decided
to take a random, empty street. The rage that was in him veiled his mind with
red. He wanted to do something with it. Do something… Something…
It was not his fault that happened in that
alley. They came to him by themselves. They provoked him. They made him do
this.
He was still pissed when two men appeared on
the street Heechul was walking. They were obviously drunk, walking from one
side to the other, laughing and singing. When they spotted him, they exchanged
glances and knowing smirks and approached him.
Heechul didn’t give a damn that some older guys
were heading to him, he was in his own world. But as one of them grabbed his
arm tightly and snorted a “What’s up, pretty?” and “Wanna have some fun with
us?”, he crooked his nose and tsk’ed with disgust. However, he was not prepared
for a sharp tug and hard landing on the asphalt.
He was being pressed, face first, to the
ground, his arms twisted to the back by one of them. Heechul roared with rage
and tried to wriggle and kick with his feet but it did nothing. He felt a taste
of blood in his mouth, apparently his lower lip was cut. His cheek stung, too,
because of the harsh concrete.
Suddenly, they turned him over, keeping his
limbs tight. The older looking male fumbled with Heechul’s belt buckle, as the
other one prevented the young man from escaping. Heechul didn’t have the time to
even think, alone to do something, when a cock was shoved brutally into his
mouth.
His lips extremely stung. The man pushed his
member deeper and deeper into Heechul’s mouth, until it hit the back of his
throat. Heechul gagged and choked. It was the only chance for him. He bit the
member hard, causing the male to wail in pain and withdraw. Heechul kicked him
with his heel. The other man who was holding him, pushed himself away from
Heechul with astonishment.
Heechul took the opportunity, lifted his pants’
leg and pulled out a knife he always carried with him.
They didn’t have a chance to run away, not in a
condition they were. While one of the men was stumbling and crawling, Heechul
stabbed the other one. He hit his leg first, then he tore his stomach open and
finally, he stuck the knife in his throat. Hot blood was flowing at his hands,
covering them completely. Heechul licked his lips, feeling not only his own
blood, but new, fresh and oh, not his.
The whimper the other male made, made Heechul
remember about him. The excitement was increasing along with an amount of the
blood on Heechul’s body. The other man ended up with ripped throat, too, but
when he was already lying lifelessly on the street, Heechul knelt beside him
and pressed his thumbs into the opened wound.
He pressed, and pressed and couldn’t forget.
--
Heechul
found himself back at the bar on the sixth day. He didn’t have time. He quickly
found Siwon and sat beside surprised man, ignoring the sour look he got from
his bodyguard.
“Do you still want to know what I’m going to
do?” he whispered into his ear.
Siwon looked pleased. He smirked at Heechul and
indicated the direction of private rooms with his chin. They stood up, but as
the Chinese man did the same, Heechul crooked his nose.
“He’s going with us?” he hissed.
Siwon frowned and looked first at Heechul, then
at his bodyguard.
“So?” he asked.
Heechul raised his brows and glared at Siwon.
“You’ve gotta be kiddin’ me”
The heir’s stare on him was intense, but
Heechul kept it, and finally, Siwon sighed.
“I guess yes” he turned to the other man,
“HanGeng, go find MiMi and occupy your time”
The Chinese man wrinkled his forehead and did
not move.
“Geng” Siwon’s voice softened.
“I’ll go if you allow me to search him”
Heechul’s eyes went wide. Of course, it was
foreseeable. That’s why he didn’t bring anything with him. Only his hands.
He let the hands wander, searching for any
possible weapon.
“Enjoy yourself as long as you can” he smirked
at the Chinese man.
Han Geng only clenched his jaw and pushed him
after he made sure he had nothing with him.
“Same goes to you” he growled and turned on his
heel.
“Shall we go?” Heechul send Siwon his charming
(forced) smile.
--
The room was small, it contained only a bed and
a drawer in which, Heechul assumed, there were some toys. He immediately made
his way to it, looking for one, certain object.
He thought about it earlier. Choi Siwon was
one, big man. In a good way. But it was a problem for Heechul who didn’t even
had a knife with him, alone a gun. He only had his hands and the handcuffs he
found inside the drawer. He took it, turned to Siwon with a smug smile and spun
the handcuffs on his finger.
“You don’t mind, do you?” he approached Siwon.
Siwon curved his lips into a smile and opened
his shirt. He let Heechul run his fingers up and down his torso and slide his
shirt down his arms with sensitive brush of Heechul’s hands. Siwon made a move
with his arms to his neck but Heechul quickly grabbed his hands and forced them
to rest on his butt. His own hands wandered to the younger’s face and cupped his
cheeks. The kiss they shared was strong, hot and wet. Then the older male
pushed the heir right onto the bed and straddled his thighs. He leaned down and
licked a path up from Siwon’s bellybutton to his collarbones.
“Hands up, big boy” he purred, suggestively
rolling his hips.
After he handcuffed him, Heechul let himself
hover above the body beneath him. He looked deep into Siwon’s brown eyes and
stuck his tongue out. He licked the other’s lips slowly, his one hand going
down, straight to Siwon’s groin. A pleased hum escaped tied up man’s lips and
it seemed like the amusement in his eyes grew.
Heechul proceeded with licking his lips,
sticking the tongue from time to time inside the other’s mouth, as both his
hands run last time along Siwon’s body and rested on his throat. He let his
thumbs caress the Adam’s Apple for a while. The familiar sensation in his
stomach bubbled.
But as he tried to tense his muscles to grip
the throat tighter, he found out he couldn’t. Imagines from the past flooded
his mind, screaming, wailing, crying inside his head. He remembered the
coldness of the body he had had on his lap, the warm blood he had had on his
hands and the feeling as if he had a hole where a heart should be. He
remembered the weeks he had spent somewhere in the dark alley, behind the trash
container, freezing cold.
“What are you waiting for?” Siwon’s voice made
him go down to the earth. “Strangle me. Make me choke. Kill me”
Heechul choked on his saliva, feeling a single
tear making its way down his cheek.
“Why… do you want to die?” he whispered in
answer.
Siwon chuckled.
“No, but you were told to do this, right?”
Heechul widened his eyes and sat straight.
“Then if you knew, why didn’t you prevent it?”
the older male clenched his jaw, his feelings messing his mind. Oh, how he
wanted not to feel.
Suddenly, Siwon tugged at the handcuff’s chain,
which broke under his strength easily, and raised himself into half-sit with the
other male on his lap. Heechul frowned. A plastic chain?
“Of course I prevented it” the heir circled
Heechul’s waist with one arm. “Sungmin told me you were asking about me. I knew
you wouldn’t be able to kill me”
“How?” the question was barely a whisper now.
Siwon leaned forward, until his lips were
brushing Heechul’s ear.
“I know your past, Heechul” he breathed into
his ear. “I know everything. You killed your lover after he tried to choke you.
I don’t know really why did you do this, but you did”
Silence. Heechul always told silence was the
best to describe the moment. Moment like this.
“Do you want to know how do I know this?”
To be honest, Heechul didn’t know if he should nod or shake his head. He
felt like any movement would make him sick.
Siwon’s lips were now almost kissing his
earlobe and his fingers touched Heechul’s neck, like the first time, only
slightly but enough to make him hold his breath.
“That boy… Your lover… Was my older brother”
Siwon didn’t stop him when Heechul jumped from
the bed. No one stopped him when he made his way through the bar to the door.
He was alone when he started running.
--
He ran through the empty, dirty street. His
eyes stung, and he didn’t even know why. Why was his face wet? It didn’t rain.
Heechul run for his dear life until he reached the familiar district where his
apartment was. Even though he was slightly out of breath (damn cigarettes), he took the stairs (fuck that old hag) and ran to the door of his flat. His hands were
shaking, he barely took out the keys and as he was trying to insert them into the
lock, he swore he could hear the sound of his teeth grinding. His chest hurt,
something like a big, strong fingers clenching on his heart and air passages,
making him dizzy and sick.
He barely made on time to the bathroom where he
immediately knelt in front of the toilet seat. He felt so horribly sick, so he
inserted a finger inside his mouth and puked. Even though the acidic taste in
his mouth was terrible he didn’t mind. Heechul heavily breathed through his
nose but it made him only even more sick so he eventually gripped the edge of
the porcelain toilet seat harder and let it flow through him.
Finally, after few minutes crouching on the
tiled floor, Heechul stood up hesitantly, still feeling dizzy, and reached the
sink. He turned on the tap, waited until the water was cold enough and stuck
his head under the stream. He washed his mouth, because it felt like he had ate
an acid-taste sand. After wiping his hair with some old towel, Heechul left the
bathroom and reached the fridge. He took out two bottles of beers and grasped a
packet of cigarettes from the table and run out. He headed for the roof.
He sat on the rough ground just on the edge,
letting his feet dangle loosely in the air. With still shaky hands he lit the
cigarette and took it into his mouth, trying to open the bottle without
smashing it. Heechul gasped when it was suddenly pulled out of his hands. He
tried to grip it harder but he was too late and so he looked up at seriously
looking Henry’s face.
The young boy opened the bottle, then opened
the second one and sat beside Heechul. He said nothing and they remained silent
for a good while. The wind softly blew, making the strands of their hair dance
around their heads. Heechul sucked a big puff of smoke into his lungs again and
blew it out with his nose.
“Have you ever felt like jumping?” he asked
suddenly, throwing the remainder of the cigarette ahead. It ends up falling
down to the pavement. Then he took out another cigarette. “Have you ever
thought that it’s not worth it?”
Henry didn’t even look at him. He only stared
ahead, looking at the setting sun. It had vivid, red and pink color, and it
seemed so far away it was almost sad. Even though Henry didn’t know why. He
snorted, not knowing himself if he laughed at his weird thoughts about the sun
or at Heechul’s words. Maybe both.
“Probably more times than you” those words were
dripping with bitterness. “You’re at least at your own. And me… I have the most
fucked-up grandmother ever. I live like a slave, I work as a slave and she
tells me I’m nothing. There’s no better
place than this”
Heechul’s mouth curved up a little bit. Well,
it was nothing new, that old hag. As if she was born to mess up with people’s
lives. She could do with her drug booth everything she wanted, destroy every
life she wanted. However, it was sick to make a damage to this kid’s mind.
Heechul didn’t like people. He didn’t like anybody. But it was not like he
cared for Henry. He just hated her.
The feeling of sickness returned, but it
accumulated and Heechul suddenly felt the need, the urge, to walk down the stairs, right to the certain door and
run his fingers to the neck… old, wrinkled neck. He felt as if a hand squeezed
his guts in excitement. Heechul wanted to stand up and run, just do something,
because this feeling was slightly annoying, but so, oh so wonderful.
“Would you like to end it?” Heechul asked.
“What? My life?” Henry raised his brow and
finally looked at the older male. “I’m too much of a coward to do this”
“Yes. Your life, but in a different meaning”
Heechul stood up and flicked his pants from the gravel and dust. “End your old
life and start with a new?”
Heechul swore he saw Henry’s eyes shine.
“As I thought” he snorted. “Do you have something
with you that won’t have a conflict when put up with alcohol?”
Henry frowned and rummaged through his jeans’
pockets. He took out a variety of different colored pills and gave the sapphire
blue one to him. Heechul looked at it, as it changed its color when the last
sun rays touched it, and shoved it into his mouth. Then he took his bottle of
beer and drank it in one go. The feeling in the pitch of his stomach increased.
He turned his head to Henry.
“Throw those pills away. Do not take any of it.
Go straight to the “Phoenix”… yes, I know they won’t let you in” he added,
seeing as Henry was ready to point it out. “Tell them Heechul send you there
and ask for Sungmin. He’ll take care of you. Once I’m done, I’ll join you and
then we’ll think”
The young boy tilted his head as if he couldn’t
understand what he was saying, but he didn’t disobey. He stood up, took the
rest of the pills, threw them firmly ahead, so they landed somewhere on the
streets and looked once again at Heechul.
Maybe the boy did understand what Heechul was
going to do, because as he was about to go through the door which lead to the
rooftop stairs, he turned his head to him and flashed him a beautiful, innocent
smile.
A boy who did care about his own life.
--
Did he become like this because he was all
alone?
--
It was worth it. Henry’s smile was worth it.
He wore a leather gloves, because hey, he did
not want to get caught. That hag had enough enemies to make suspects out of
everyone in the town. The satisfaction he got when he smacked her with the
handle of his knife, the excitement when he gagged her mouth with some random
scarf (“See, I cannot wear any scarf so
I’ll make you wear one. So fuckin’ pretty”), the ecstasy when he put his
long fingers around her neck and squeezed. The drug mixed with the beer took
control over his brain in that moment. The room, even if it was already a
night, was so red, so brightly red. Everything was spinning around but the firm
grip on the neck remained. He hold onto it, it was the only way to not
collapse.
He didn’t know where the blood came from. He
couldn’t remember it when he tried to wash it. He had to hurry, to take all the
money that witch had. He was slowly going down from his high when he reached
his own apartment. Heechul rummaged through his stuff, taking out every single
won he earned. His job was very well
paid so they shouldn’t worry about money for the rest of their lives. After few
seconds of thinking, he left the money that Mr. Park (Mr. Fuckin’ Park) gave him. He didn’t need it, he had his own and
it was enough to live. Heechul almost didn’t care about the words he once was
told (“You don’t want to know what I’d do
to you if you won’t complete this task”).
--
As he was going downstairs and stopped for a
little while to look for the last time at that
door, he pondered why hadn’t he dyed his hair red yet?