♥

time

abstractthots — Thu, 01 Nov 2018 07:45:18 GMT

doesn't make the pain any easier. if anything, it only serves to remind us of your absence.

in the wake of your absence lie memories that trigger a cascade of emotions — helplessness, sadness, loneliness and emptiness.

i never imagined it to be so hard. grief robs you of joy, paralyses you and reminds you of all that could have been. you flounder around, engaging in counterfactual thinking, imagining a thousand other scenarios in your head. only to come to terms that cancer is a losing battle; we never could have won. that death and loss are certain. but so is God.

you desperately cling onto the hope of the gospel. the certainty of the resurrection. and the eternal life we will receive when all that is left of us is dust. that is the only anchor we have. everything else is vanity.

you learn that all is vanity and a striving after wind. nothing stands. you begin to hate everything that is wrong with the world. the sin, the brokenness, the pain and suffering. and you long for the new creation where all will be made right. where the former things shall not be remembered no more. where we will reunite again.

you pray for dreams to see him again because the memories created from here on will never contain him. and you wait with hope, to see him again when you are finally Home.

all we have is christ

abstractthots — Thu, 08 Mar 2018 09:16:14 GMT

Didn't think i'd be back here, thought i had outgrew this space. might or might not be the last post but i just wanted to document what life feels like at this moment. taking a snapshot i suppose?

we both took a leap of faith back then, it was prolly harder for you than it was for me. couldn't have made it this far without christ being our foundation - i used to question how it would look like to have a r/s built in christ and i see it now. i see it when you put your interests aside and put mine first, going the extra mile to make me smile (cringe), stepping out of your comfort zone to meet mine, reminding me time and again of our cornerstone, choosing the right and loving words to say when i'm at fault. you've displayed so much grace in our r/s, i understand what it means when christ said "go and sin no more" - it means to not be self-seeking but respond with grace too, because of the grace that i've been shown. i've been struggling w eczema for a few months now (it comes and goes but unfortunately, it flared up at the start of the year and worsened recently) and earlier on in the day before you proposed, i just felt so grossed out by my own skin. my mind was so occupied with this disgusting eczema and the impending itch that comes aft every meal, i didn't think you'd propose. but you did and i bawled like a baby when i heard your speech. you reminded me of the good and bad times (tbh the bad times weren't that bad when you're such a good person), what we would be going through and how christ has helped us throughout these 2 years. it was a future promise to put christ first, just as how he has put us first and died for us when we don't deserve it. i'm excited for the next phase of our life. we shall keep learning and loving, striving to display christ always! to God be all the glory forever and ever.

loved beyond skin-deep, only because of the unconditional love that christ has poured out for us all.

(title is as such because of a random memory that sprang to mind: we were in the car, i was getting upset and worried about the future but you continued to encourage me as "all i have is christ" played in the background. oh dear me i am so very blessed)

--

2018: started my first job learning about what i love, alongside passionate people who are sooo smart. the offer dropped into my lap, without me hustling (not that i can hustle i think i'm underqualified lulz), just pure rest in christ. began reading John with a lovely girl from church. joined a cg tgt w cliff, hoping to journey w these god-loving, god-fearing people. bolder in sharing the gospel w my fam. hoping to start volunteering. not sure what lies ahead but am committing every step of the way to God, knowing he will guide my path and make it straight. am vvv blessed, God has been so good.

roots

abstractthots — Wed, 10 Aug 2016 02:43:44 GMT

wow, it's been awhile since i last visited. so much has happened the past 12 months... losing, loving, learning. went back to using a journal to document the thoughts i have and the things i go through, just to rmb God's goodness and faithfulness through the many seasons in my life. and it's so helpful to rmb and to reflect on the promises that have come pass. and also, to rmb the conviction that i have at that point of documentation. it's so easy to forget and doubt again :( but writing it down brings to mind all that i felt at that very point and reminds me to never take it for granted. this past year has been a rollercoaster ride.

and through it all..... i am glad :> it takes more faith to believe that God isn't real. When i look at all that You have created, the people You have made to reflect Your image; how is it possible that You don't exist? and when i consider my answered prayers, the love that i feel everyday; how is it possible that You don't exist? i can't ever fully grasp the idea that everything happened by chance.. i rmb learning physics back then and thinking, wow how can it be that the pressure earth experiences is just right. how's it possible that so many things just fall into place nicely? this has gotta be the master's design!

In less than 2 weeks' time, i'll be off for my very first adventure in Europe (and USA!) and i rly can't wait to see w open eyes the creations of Your hand and to experience Your presence in a faraway land.

God, You are SO SO BIG. and i pray i'll never limit You and the works You wish to do.

When I consider your heavens,
the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars,
which you have set in place,
what is mankind that you are mindful of them,
human beings that you care for them?
- Psalm 8:3-4

---

Would you come and tear down the boxes that I have tried to put You in
Let love come teach me who You are again
Would you take me back to the place where my heart was only about You
And all I wanted was just to be with You
Come and do whatever You want to

it is well with my soul

abstractthots — Tue, 01 Sep 2015 16:56:05 GMT

And through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
And through it all, through it all
It is well

And through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You

So let go my soul and trust in Him
The waves and wind still know His name

It is well with my soul
It is well with my soul
--------------------------------------------------------------

Every crisis is a test of faith, an opportunity for our faith to be tested again and again. until we know from the very core of our soul that God is still good, He is still sovereign.

and with every season that life brings, God is still present. and perhaps i am just learning to take comfort in the fact that nothing is permanent, not even the seasons that i'm placed into. it is hard but we learn from every situation. some days the sun is hidden, some days you feel alive again. fall only to get back up again, in time to come. a whole new level of low, but it's alright - we all go thru this (perhaps in diff forms). it gets easier, not all the time but slowly. it feels like a series of moving back and forth, with much inertia dragging one backwards. it will be okay. we will be okay, in His time.

all is vanity.

tonight

abstractthots — Sun, 18 Jan 2015 18:53:15 GMT

feels weirdly strange, as tho i have been transported back to the past. the thot of staying up at night while the lights slowly go off.... i rly like how it is at night, when the light in people's homes go off one by one as if they are all safe and sound and ready to sleep. i always associated it with the feeling of victory, like a day has been conquered and i love how the entire family is sound asleep. it gives off much peace :>

tonight makes me feel insignificantly tiny.. tumblring and seeing what a vast world it is out there. and perhaps my thots feel the same as well. its funny cos my mind does feel far away and i cant rly access what i am thinking exactly? prolly too much. just need someone to drive me arnd aimlessly. or you to keep me company till the dawn breaks

its like a million things to do but yet i chose to bask in this weird strange feeling ahhh my readings.

feels like i just wanna be held to sleep tonight, till morning comes and i feel normal again

HOW IS IT FRIDAY ALR

abstractthots — Fri, 13 Jun 2014 03:23:39 GMT

woweee hi there blog. it's been a rlly rlly long time :'(

in short, summer has been rlly good to me, esp gg HK and manila and boracay - all in the month of may! now that im back, i just started work and i think i'll be working for june AND july ;( but oh wells i need the money to cover my spending overseas haha its scary how fast my bank depletes T_T so yes werkwerk to try and top it up so i can travel next year too ^_^

Have had 2 good reads so far alr - freakonomics and a thousand splendid suns. WHICH IS SO AWESOME. had to stop myself from crying cos the author is so so good at breaking my heart hurhur. Finished emergency couple which was so so and started on BOF which is kinda stagnant now that i've started work. in addition, been catching up with old friends:> who always bring me much joy and i just wish time stood still. and also a v smooth sailing period w peng hehe but we've both been bzbzbz since i started work and he has like 2 music classes. but still v thankful for our r/s, thank God for bringing us tgt and keeping us tgt. Met charis on wed, walked to katong from paya lebar and we never seem to run out of stuff to say! always thanking God everytime we're tgt, much much edification and encouragement. :> and then i walked back home HAHA champion wee. i met clar the other day too hehe BBFL best bro for life omgosh i love you so much haha we need more broventures and exploring every nook and cranny of the east! and ytd i visited ah ma and had fun walking home w suikor and shaney!! it has actually been a rlly rlly nice week, although i shld spend more time aft work at home! yes need to block out more slots haha.

cant wait to read more books and watch more movies and drama and also, COOK. yes pls wee you need to be more domesticated instead of just eating all day. i wish i could cook legit food instead of just pasta/ maggie. would love to try chinese food and whatever i can get online:> rlly hope this summer wont go to waste!

hope i can be a better servant that God can use, esp to invest more time love and care into ppl. sometimes it gets hard to connect and i get worn out. admittedly ive been relying on my own strength too much. and i just cant wait for God to move in ppl that i try and start chionging the process. need to be more patient and faithful, to trust in God that He's doing a work in people incl me!!

2nd cup of milo in the span of an hour, haaalp

2014

abstractthots — Sun, 05 Jan 2014 03:24:04 GMT

first time touching this page in like a million year. feels abit tiring having so little holidays- flew off after finals, arrived back just before christmas and that leaves me with like 2 weeks of holidays before sch starts tmr.

i just wanna thank God here for keeping me sane!!! ok will be back tmr to talk more. rlly need to type to reflect hahaha i miss writing here <3

---

19/2/2014

just a few more days before recess week!!! am q tired from school deadlines and what not. but strangely enough i havent reached the panicky mode and in fact, feel somewhat peaceful? typing this in aw now heh. so many things to catch up on once recess week is here, looking forward to summer break! its scary how busy life gets without you realising it and then bam weeks fly by and then months and before you know it.. an entire year :o

late but im rlly thankful for all that has happened in 2013, my longest holiday ever! and also thankful for the friends and people He has brought into my life :) thank you all for sowing into my life <3

re:thinking

abstractthots — Sat, 19 Oct 2013 16:56:51 GMT

Loads and loads of thinking to be done ever since friday. started reading the happy student which pj lent me long ago and it sparked some questions in my mind that still linger there. i havent finished the book but a few takeaways: Run your own race. but before tht, know the race you want to run. and i think now, i need God more than ever to guide me and to help me to run His race. it does get hard sometimes and its easy to be distracted. but yesss alot of thinking to be done!!

went for crusades for my first time ever!!! and i think it was the best decision ever. they invited dr tan lai yong- someone whos now someone i look up to and respect greatly- a humble yet great man of God who knows and understands his calling in life to serve. and he is so genuine and sincere and his heart is just amazing. so big and generous so reflecting of God's heart. i think he's someone who's truly deserving of the title doctor. someone who serves and doesnt focus on money making.

ahahasdsakjdnsandas i cant spell out his entire sharing. but hes so... inspiring. it just makes me requestion and rethink of my journey thus far. and what am i focusing on and even in future, to always reflect on the things im doing, to be christ-centered and not self-centered. but yes, im still sad idk my calling :(

but sitting there in svc today, a few things just hit me which were kinda unrelated to svc. but i was v distracted that i zoned out abit. a few things-
1. cambodia children. one day this will come t pass!!! when i get married/parents trust me more, i wanna sponsor kakada/chen's trip to singapore. i rmb telling them to visit me in singapore and my church in future but i realised that they were financially limited. so yes, i hope one day i can do that!
2. how can i better serve God? my community? foreign workers? i guess i need to start small by mtg at least a need once a day. i hope that overtime it cultivates into a habit and becomes a part of me.

TYJ for my salvation. im far from perfect but thank you for going to such great lengths to save my soul. <3

kingdom

abstractthots — Mon, 14 Oct 2013 00:31:24 GMT

You could love me more in a moment than other lovers could in a lifetime.

brings me so much peace, thank you jesus for your love!

this love is so deep, it's more than i can stand
i melt in your peace, it's overwhelming

aftermath

abstractthots — Thu, 10 Oct 2013 13:08:34 GMT

spent 3 hours trying to recover deleted files/videos of CNY's eve, where my uncles and dad were high on alcohol and very very very happy :')

but to no avail :( am quite sad that the vids and photos are nowhere to be found. its as though a part of memory just died.
anyway, here's what i discovered. hahah featuring my drunk dad and sa-zek who was going arnd hugging his brothers.
:')

my heart still hurts

OMGGGG I FOUND IT I FOUND EVERYTHING :'''')

thank you jesus :)

loss

abstractthots — Thu, 03 Oct 2013 16:25:13 GMT

3rd loss in 1.5 years. im alr at a loss of what to feel. to begin with, i think i tend to avoid reality. despite talking about it and explaining the situation, my mind still wanders off from time to time, reminiscing and feeling v weirdly. its as though nothing has changed yet everything has changed.

the weird part is thinking about the past, esp the night before where you know everyone just goes to sleep assuming it'll be just a normal thurs. and suddenly in just a moment, things arent quite like what they used to be. and gone is your "normal" thurs. and suddenly everything just goes bam in your face and you struggle w the truth, w the loss. and you dunno what else to do but to pray and ask God to comfort you, to strengthen you and to let you accept the truth.

im still struggling, even after today at the hospital even after seeing the truth in my face. its like arghhhhhhh. how did it even happen. thinking so much abt life and death now..

my uncle was a nice man, very very generous and selfless. he doted on my cousins and i even though we weren't his children. he was always the one buying food, ensuring we had dinner to eat if we were at my grandma's. he was always generous, helping us when we weren't well off. he was quite a joker too, telling ghost stories and trying to scare us sometimes. and just last year, we all went on a family trip to KL where he brought us drinking. ah ma used to tell me stories about him whenever i asked her to tell me stories about my uncles and aunts and my dad when they were younger. it's weird now, that i cant picture him in future family dinners or gatherings. its just so... idk. prolly cos i can always imagine and picture him bustling about in the kitchen or giving me rides home. and when i was much younger i rmb he'd drive us arnd after dinner. i forgot what he used to call them. i'll always rmb the satay beehoon he bought from lagoon, he always made sure everyone had enough to eat. thank you for making a difference in my life.

i struggle wondering what happens aft death. is salvation still possible? what's God's plan?

i guess thats where faith kicks in and you lean on Him and trust Him, knowing His ways are higher than yours. to understand and know that God is your anchor.

got this from rainft and it was so apt: Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.

goodnight.

Longing

abstractthots — Sat, 21 Sep 2013 16:35:18 GMT

Never thot I could miss my friends so much when they're overseas. The physical dist feels so terrible because you can't make plans or dates or meet up whenever or just pop by. It just feels so surreal. I don't think I'll ever have the courage to leave for years. I'm a very attached person/ I get attached to things and ppl easily. Not that I resist change. Idk how to put it too haha I like change but I'm easily attached. Conflicting man.

Today was a tiring day for me, emotionally and physically. So last night we had supper at 85, our last supper for the year. Enjoyed the food and company v much, I rlly love these ppl despite the excessive army talk haha ok but guys need to maintain abt the army. Hit me how fast time flies how we have grown up tgt and despite occasional drifting, we're still stuck tgt. It's so comforting and I just feel so blessed. We shared a cab back which was super fun to me idk why. Today we sent Toh off to UK :'( it sucks that I can only see her in 9 months' time. Feels so long ugh!!! Rlly miss her even now. It feels like Singapore seems less lively because of her biking arnd everywhere, yolo-ing and doing anything and everything hahah. Charging her phone in restaurants, climbing over stuff etc etc. sigh haha so funny :))

Cell+church today! Blessed by both sharings!! ESP the one by ar bernard. We rlly gotta step up and take more initiative in offering ourselves to God rather than waiting for the church to set the mood and all.

Ok I need to sleep abrupt ending x 1 hahah goodnight:)

2am

abstractthots — Thu, 19 Sep 2013 18:25:19 GMT

hahaha up at 2am doing nothing gosh. i love the world at this time- so peaceful and quiet and just.. serene. like the only sounds i hear now are the occasional cars and the letters on this keyboard :)

it's end of week 5 and i've so much to do. although i feel quite mild compared to everyone else. i wonder why hasnt anyone exploded yet?? lol sorry guys i suck at being busy w hw :( but yes the stress is starting to sink in.. the amt of readings and catching ups and hw and projects on top of that!!! it's like i need a day off- a day of 100% productivity which is kinda impossible.

but ok I CAN DO THIS!!! sometimes its nice being up at night but sometimes my thots eat me alive- to the point i have to force myself to sleep. i wonder who is awake now haha.

the scary thing abt life is tht it's all memories. its so so scary to me, it feel so temporary/transient/fleeting. perhaps thts why there's this desire deep down to seek for sth permanent, sth more than this.
it just keeps going on and on. and relationships move from phases to phases. been thinking recently abt how we are never back at the same "place". it's same same but diff. ok idk how to express it into words, im such a terrible writer :/ but i guess my point is a reminder to myself to cherish the moment before its gone, before another moment comes. because you never know when that moment will be gone.

OK WHAT AM I SAYING HAHA GOODNIGHTTT TGIF!! gosh life is happening so slowly and quickly at the same time. shall end w john mayer's words: won't someone stop this train

a month

abstractthots — Fri, 13 Sep 2013 06:52:31 GMT

it's almost a month to being in schhhhh and despite the short sch days my days seem to fill up so easily and quickly. the exhausting part is realizing you don't have enough time for everyone and i think that's where i suck at prioritizing and learning to say no...

i dont actually know if im tired sometimes. juggling so much and over-committing. and sometimes im worried cos i like planning my weeks out.. but i kinda suck at it so i end up having to chiong work and sticking to commitments.

ok worries aside, i need to update this so when i look back i can rmb things and not be lost in the sea of activities that i've succumbed to and what not. looking back on these 4 weeks, i'm actually quite blessed, in a sense i've met friends that care abt me. and also i like being arnd them! sometimes it feels like such a relief seeing them arnd sch and then catching up later thru wapp. in particular, christian friends that have sowed into my life although it may be small. and my nice classmates. im quite anti-social actually, rlly depends on my mood. so initially i was quite.. worried?? abt classes friends etc. wednesdays are my fav days actually, despite it being the longest. prolly cos i've friends in both classes, and ltb is quite enjoyable. these 4 weeks, i've gotten used to walking to classes alone and going home alone! i actually enjoy this time of being alone, it's so peaceful walking without rush or needing to socialize. been trying to email charis now and then too, who keeps me updated abt her uni life in US. and im super blessed by her stories, it makes me stronger and inspires me to know God more.

joined quite a few ccas although i havent gone for any yet, well except the eye investment session w cass where we ate free desserts. haha but that aside, i rlly hope to enrich myself more and also have more fun. SMU challenge tmr!! oh but ok i rlly enjoy lessons cos of the content we deal w now. its so.. open and worldly. like its applicable and not just tb-based. so tht makes sch quite exciting :))

need to free myself up to study more!!! and also be more attentive to the hw. im like a super lazy sloth. didn't do hw cos idek (lol sotong) and actually did the wrong hw.... #whywee #weepls so that was rather demoralizing and sian cos i ended up chionging hw twice in class and that made it hard to pay attn, i suck at multitasking. ok academics aside, i'm heading to india this dec!!! that's the highlight of sem 1 for me. thank God for this opportunity! rlly excited cos i think its outta my comfort zone in the mountains and i rlly dunno what to expect! but im happy! doing social enterprise so thats gna be fun cos we gna try cooking stuff i think!!!

omg such a long post. i've eaten so many mooncakes today, sitting like a fatty typing this in the office. got loads of work to clear this weekend, GOD BE WITH MEEEEE:)) okie bye abstractthots, i'll be back soon!

new phase

abstractthots — Sun, 11 Aug 2013 17:05:58 GMT

how scary time flies. funny how when we were younger, uni seemed like the peak of one's life- the transition into adulthood and the responsibilities that come along with it and follow after uni. it's a strange feeling, to be so close to sth you've been looking forward to. and like omg after this is done idk what to expect next :(

i just wanna be a taitai. hope you read this someday pj LOLZ

and seeing many of my friends entering medicine.. wow. i've never felt so proud of you guys :') from my primary sch classmates to friends i brought to church to the ri guys. you guys are so amazing. i feel like some proud motther goshhh how can my friends be so smart?! hahaha my future MCs depend on yall man :P

uni starts next monday for me, a week left to enjoy myself. slightly nervous yet feeling rather excited for classes where my friends are enrolled into as well :)) plus the amount of things i wanna try in uni is crazy butttt this shall be a yolo season. gna try as much as i can!! this feels quite exciting!!! hope i have time to do other stuff as well. idw to be drowned in some sea of hw and proj and assignments wht not

but anyway im not tht prepared for uni haven't even gotten any stationary lol my pens all died aft A's!! and i threw my bottle away and shoes too so i need new shoes and new everything i think hehe. but on the bright side, im typing this from my new laptop hehe haven't used a com for personal stuff in ages. okey time to kunz, here's to a productive fruitful week ahead! FIGHTING :>

Start of sth new

abstractthots — Thu, 01 Aug 2013 05:41:19 GMT

Typing this on the bus cos I feel so tired and busy now ;(

Just ended camp ytd! Which was a good start to uni life, getting to know fellow freshies, seniors etc. Loads of htht which I'll miss for sure, my group is so genuine and funny!

Otw to meet cass for some lib quest thingy and matriculation! Quite tired from all these pre uni stuff. Sighhhh!!! Still have more stuff to buy settle blah dah it's a never ending list of things to do? :/

Need to draw strength from God.

Fast car

abstractthots — Fri, 19 Jul 2013 20:59:47 GMT

Draw me, o draw me away
Messiah today,
To Your presence to stay

O Jesus now change me,
And mould me
That I may be
Evermore true to Thee

Years

abstractthots — Tue, 16 Jul 2013 16:45:40 GMT

Feel so stirred and troubled at the same time. Need to pray for the right things to say or.. Ignore it? Meh.

Rlly not sure what all these years meant.. At times it feels so superficial and.. Yeah I rlly dunno. God help me :(

Misfit ugh.

july

abstractthots — Mon, 08 Jul 2013 07:14:49 GMT

typing this in the office cos i need a reminder of the dreams i have when i'm 19! i hope that even as time passes and i grow older, my passion and love for the things i love to do now will not die out.

so... the hols are ending i've been spending and reading up on recipes but that hasn't amount to anything yettt:(

had a long talk otw to dinner ytd while on the bus and suddenly, my dreams scare me. i guess that means it's a rlly big dream haha thanks pj for magnifying it 10x. plus he came up w a rough structure on the spot which like amazed me. so we both got some kind of revelation on the bus.

don't work for money!!!

am kinda excited for the future yet afraid i'll be conformed..
---
very thankful to God for being ever so faithful w His promises :) back at suntec to celebrate His goodness and faithfulness!!! i rmb the day it was announced heh on my bday or the same week i rmb. in the marketplace for the marketplace to penetrate the marketplace- this has indeed come to pass!

---
actually nth much to write abt.. just hope that the remaining days will be fruitful and productive and restful for my soul :)

God of my youth i remember

abstractthots — Mon, 01 Jul 2013 04:37:44 GMT

My holiday is rlly coming to an end.. :( #mondayblues

wanted to blog about emerge youth camp finale night tht happened last fri! awesome night. i rlly love being a youth, being young and excited and on fire for God :)) as i was worshipping last fri, He showed me a flashback of the years in church.

emerge means so much to me. as a young christian back in the past i wasn't rlly exactly rooted and on fire per se. i didn't rlly catch the fire of revival. but emerge came and there i encountered God. the feeling of surrendering, wanting to be used etc etc. its just so amazing how God has touched me and made me more aware to a life with Him. to get to the point of being a baby christian, wanting to receive to being one that is hungry for the kingdom- that's a work of God. sth in me changed that night when i watched performances, youths being so excited for christ and being so hungry to receiving more of God.

i'm just amazed and thankful for all that has happened throughout my walk! and i'm rlly happy to be a youth- church camps, emerge nights, jumping and praising God ^_^

Your will

abstractthots — Wed, 19 Jun 2013 16:41:54 GMT

"Take all your desires and squash them. Squash all your own desires before you pray. Pray and ask God to reveal His will to you. Only when your desires are squashed will you be able to hear from God and know that it's Him and not of your own mind" -pj

Did that and God didnt disappoint. He came and He showed me a way. TYJ :') my burdens are so heavy and He sent a verse in my way in psalm where it says to cast your burdens onto Him and He won't allow the righteous to be moved. Loads of wonderful verses too, to calm this unsteady unsure heart of mine. But the last thing that spoke to me:

Do everything in love.

What are my intentions? How can I ensure that I'm seeking not after my own well-being but others'?

Questions ill need to answer before I take a step of faith. But until then, I'm grateful for the help that has come my way. I hope for everything to be okay but ultimately..
Your will be done, not mine.

Time to get a good sleep before camp revelation! Feeling so light headed and happy now, God is so good!

good times

abstractthots — Thu, 30 May 2013 09:04:19 GMT

"yoyoyo.u all of a sudden become so chim eh,took me so long to understand,u become so mature le...good !lol,concentrate on studies lah,dun tink bout bgr thng,wait first,study goodgood,then go for your dream boy!lol,i also become mature le..anyway,best of luck for every thing u do!!!!!

cheers,
ah pui"

Found this comment from one of my early posts back in sec 1. Sorry brb tearing now :') love you ah pui

cos im bored in the office, i shall aim to read ALL my posts in this LJ.

2007: EMO KID sorry im so ashamed of myself in the past and the lame colors and the lame caps and bold and underlines and strikethroughs /slaps self. read the comments as well and gosh my primary sch friends. i rlly like looking back and rmbing stuff. its like it's sth concrete and.. permanent in your mind even if it's gone now. days of msn w waye, songs sharing- omg i bugged all my friends to send me songs SORRY FLENZ i heart yall v much. its so strange how we were so close in the past!! gosh i miss you guys. i miss those moments. i miss you charm tzy kangning (sir stamford raffles club lol). and haha i rlly complained abt sch in sec 1 man. suck it up wee you suck!! hahaha and like omg the marcus migrating incident and me crushing on jon HAHAHA wee you are so funny. and and like DID I BLOG EVERYDAY?!?! no wonder still complain abt sch.

"Fren is like a bus ride.. they will alight and entr.. those who alight may be your fren.. but you may find another good fren when ppl enter.. I'm alighting but theres frens" "?! Wad makes you think you can alight" " 'Cos I got ezlink" - MARCUS love you so much lol.

and neoprints, all the fake twitting (iie lurbbz eu veh muchx w0rhhs)

6J'06 Rocks4eva!!! says:
i big size wat
6J'06 Rocks4eva!!! says:
so must big mouth also
6J'06 Rocks4eva!!! says:
wth
6J'06 Rocks4eva!!! says:
damn lame
(gosh i love you ruiyi <3)

2008: still managed to keep in touch w my friends, met up to celebrate birthdays etc. got to hang out w tzy cos of french and etc hahaha and of cos, failed attempts at mugging at the airport. we ended up youtubing david sides, doodling on MY tkam notes (eh thanks guys..) and fooling arnd w trolleys. got to know sophia and gerard as well cos of church! became quite close to them :) good times, stuff like 6terhood etc. this year i became closer to hydrus!! but i left at the end of the year -_- actually a whole load happened this year but i accidentally closed this window and all i typed disappeared :( oh yeah, surprised liu and runjia treated us to buffet hehe. this year i became closer to ppl like cas as well and cass rach and the dancers!! started a class cell as well :> and i rlly got close to bob and clayton who rlly made lessons so bearable and fun. i love you guys forever. and i became closer to 3rd lang ppl and kok! cos she joined dance hehe. hm what else!! visited taonan quite abit as usual.

2009: came into vjc and got to know the craziest classmates ever. you guys rlly make my vj experience count! e.g. stapling wj's pants, playing w fire, rlly funny chinese lessons, "why you so liddat, tell me why you so liddat~", hanging out w clar and abdullah for HBL heh, invigorate etc! and oh this was the stupid year ruiyi made me emo so much that i confided in jh and became closer to him!! oh we created the term "friding" too. it was actually supp to be "friend" hehe but oh wells.

Ruiyi says: you know why lightsabers move at lightspeed
!SAMANTHA says: are you even ruiyi?! O_O
Ruiyi says: haha
Ruiyi says: i am lah
Ruiyi says: cos...
Ruiyi says: lightsabers are made of light
Ruiyi says: and when they move,the light are speeding through the air
Ruiyi says: then
Ruiyi says: LIGHTSPEED
Ruiyi says: ZOOM ZOOM
Ruiyi says: ZOING

ruiyi tricked samantha with this LOL wth we were so lame on msn last time i couldnt believe it. loads happened this year- me growing fatter aft eating macs fries EVERYDAY. became hooked onto tumblr and koped pix all the time. and i think the later part of this year i became more like who i am now! we celebrated pantat's bday too and he sponsored us 60$ of arcade THX MCHNG luv you!! oyah, in vj i became more huachi and started eyecandying ppl, starting w this senior whom we nicknamed "tangtang" haha then it moved onto EC and JT. started the class cell and i'd like to say this rlly impacted me to want to play the guitar during QT to worship God. what small beginnings we had then. rmbed that gaofei spoilt my cam too and my class girls stood up for me HAHA i think he hated us but wtv.

looking back, i could tell that i grew in the way i blogged, the way my thots changed. it gets mindblowing to think back and wonder how did God manage to bring me here today. <3

2010: ip2!!! crazy busy year i rmb, w tons of projects and fear of retaining etc. this year was quite drama, starting w X-ctry! rlly became close to clar this year and im super thankful for that cos she feels like a mother sometimes. became close to van, sihui, jerrell too. hanging out at airport was rlly fun. this year i attended youth mtg, was so impacted by it that i ended my rs. it was quite a feat to get over the loss but im thankful for friends who have supported me and hung out w me :) yah inspite of my crazy addiction to some bubble game on sony ericsson (clar will know) and taptap. i borrowed everyone's iphone/itouch to play it ._. "sa ding ding frou frou cafe ga-li-lee" good times w boon and ry at cathay. this year, i did stuff like visiting OCH w some of the class ppl hahaha all these cheap thrills!! persecution still persisted that year. but now, it's all gone. GOD YOU ARE SO AMAZING, WORKING IN WAYS I DO NOT SEE. <3 this year we became more or less the polaroid kidz i think HAHA all the strawberry cheesecake binging :D got to know nick daryl and the sleptover at marcus'!! lol fun times. hung out almost everyday w cass too during the june hols and went airport to mug (ultimate fail yo we were pigging out on macs all the time hehe) and rlly spent alot of time w the polaroid kidz, going to museums and ikea hehe. and i was still a major tumblr freak lol i think i toned down abit now. hm was obsessed w JGL (still am), pearl harbor, despicable me (still am), inception etc LOL srsly spammed my blog w funny tumblr pix

went india this year w clar rach cass etc etc best trip i'd say. until now i still miss india and wish i could go back in time :) started work at bruno's too, awesome friends working w me <3 oh yes and i couldnt crack an egg and everyone was saying how i couldnt get married sobs idc pj you better marry me. oh yes and best part abt the last day of the year- spending NYE countdown in a cab w jon ant jj. happy 2011

2011: birthday highlight- overeating and puking whoohoo! and like going crazy over andre. i rmb being w jl when that happened.. hahaha and i was like "omg fate~" /slaps self. moving to suntec, getting my braces, confessing to my icandy (thnks pj for the stupid courage lol hatechu4eva!! nah kidding), cass' and jl's bday celebrations, msia w blenda and richard, failing badly, pw (burden!!) oh and forever confessing we gna marry ant/jon/jj. visited hk and cambodia as well!!! love going overseas! i rlly miss cambodia too. the kids esp.. thank god for facebook. and oh oh took a pic w joseph which made me go jelly and cry. i m s o w e i r d.

2012: browsed thru most of my entries and im just so thankful to God for bringing me thru always. lost both my grandma and uncle last year and i just have to thank God for keeping me sane and just comforting me :) loads of studying blah blah omg how did i ever survive?? thanks pj my study buddy. then came a levels prom and christmas etc and kl w the fam and yuppp!!! omg. sounds so boring. actually im pretty sure there were loads of fun times but like i didnt blog sadly :(

2013: taiwan!!!<3 looked thru our photos a few days ago and rlly miss you guys :') this year has been v happening for me. attended my first ldrs' mtg and im so blown away, attended kingdom invasion (will never forget the presence), wy gave me the chance to lead guitar, chcsa, children's church (easter i think), working w my bestfriends at obolo (FUN TIMES), working at EYS now, creating a convoblog, a level results (all glory to God), sydney, lkcsp and sleepover and omg idk what else my brain so pain now after typing all this :( oh yess how could i ever forget my crazy dates w pj<3

My God provides for me always. and i rlly mean it.. he never fails to bless me more than what i've given away. so thankful and touched!
------

so.. i'd just like to say. i'm just v thankful to God and my friends whether we have drifted or not. cos y'all have made a difference in my lives at some point. and i would never have gotten this far without you. i'd like to thank my family as well, for being a constant in my life<3 i'm just so grateful to everyone for accepting me and my flaws and imperfections and my weirdness... :)

and if you made it to the end of this post.. -HUG- for you :')

Limitless

abstractthots — Sat, 02 Mar 2013 01:47:46 GMT

That's what God is. Thank you for doing exceedingly abundantly above all that my mind could conceive.

Thank you to my parents, sisters aunts cousins and my ah ma too!!! And of cos my other friends who sent me verses or just texted me.. Am so thankful :') thank you vj as well, for all the teachers good company and all the fun these 4 years!

In every victory, let it be said of me
My source of strength, my source of hope
Is Christ alone

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Finale

abstractthots — Thu, 28 Feb 2013 10:22:03 GMT

Time w God is never enough. An afternoon wih Him and He has calmed my nerves, showed me His promises and spoke to me.

Whatever the results are, I will still continue to praise, hope and trust in Him. If there's a need for me to be sad or cry, yes I will let it be but after that I must not forget that my eternity holds more importance than this slip of paper. The things that can't be measured are the ones that matter. And a last point- my identity/ self worth comes from God, so let me be firmly rooted in Christ and let me not stumble and fall in such anxious times.

(Thanks johann!)

To God be all the glory forever and ever :) and if I shld glory tmr, let me glory in God and not my own works.

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Nov

abstractthots — Thu, 29 Nov 2012 17:41:05 GMT

there is no one else for me, none but Jesus

Posted via LiveJournal app for Android.