excited.

i may let myself think this is a sign. everything tells me, wait. and i may--because i just noticed i've been approaching all of this as if i have few choices, as if i don't have much control or power over academics. and i do. or that's the principle this morning has been going on. and this little paper letter in my mail box, it says wait. i have a bit of time to think things over--and i was foolish; i kept thinking about how all the prep work would go to waste if i change my mind...but it won't, because. because i really loved those classes. i don't know why i'm assuming changing majors or just changing how i decide to go about things subtly...i don't know why i assume that means relinquishing all the knowledge i got out of those courses. it doesn't mean that at all--and i have never cared about certification, really (which may come back to bother me when i look for a job, but...)...i can't help thinking like this. like i had this mask in my head about how invested i already am--when really, i'm not. it feels like pausing and second chance.

i'm really excited. and it's so silent, lately.