i mean:

everything works differently.


things work again, that i haven't felt or been able to feel in a long time. and i get reminded so bleakly, so bluntly how much i've suppressed and how much i'm still suppressing. as long as i stay here alone. why do i separate myself from the three, maybe four people in the entire universe who care about me unconditionally?


i don't know what to make with these ingredients in my hands.