i just got back from the symphony, which i thoroughly enjoyed despite the part where i inadvertently pissed off a boy in a red jacket by mentioning i didn't care for mozart (his jaw tightened and stayed that way the rest of the ride home). some of the kids i've met at the musical performances are such diehard fans that it proves difficult to approach them; i'm reminded of the boy so passionate about shostakovich he nearly arranged to send me esoteric tapes through mail. i can admire that sort of love; it just means it's difficult to step into a circle for a night, as someone relatively out of the loop. but.


the security guard at the door teased me about being dolled up (i'm not really, which has been a bit on my mind lately...should i, as a girl of nearly twenty-one, be wearing make up? i know i know, you can rant all you like about independence from ideas of what i "should" do etc, and how just because everyone does it doesn't mean i need to etc ... but lately i seriously feel like a freak for being the ONLY nakedfaced, neglectedhaired girl i ever see on campus. anyway), said she had to keep an eye on me to make sure i wasn't running around with too many boys. i easily recognize that she does this out of kindness; she probably thinks by now i've never had a boyfriend or anything of that ilk due to the -lack of- company i keep. she's sweet this way. i wish there was a subtle e.s.p.-ish way to let her know that i am okay with my life in this regard. usually, anyway.

(um)

...

anyway, i am still all dressed up. and stir crazy, restless. i want to go out again. i wish people were awake and present.

mrmm.