i wish that i could understand.

thought about that marring again. the inconsistency in a different light. you know the contradiction. well it isn't really, but. how so often this life is miserable, yet always at the same time there's that thread of gaping beauty. concurrent hymnals, it's like. he's moved on but that tree over there, it still stands and it still gets you every time you pass. such awestruck insane, almost livid horror in the everyday yet. branches there. birds grouped together, look like leaves up there, red egg-shaped flat2dimensional leaves, slanted. so much... your mother is dead but the sky still has things to say, some such a beautiful shade of purple. purples, reds. vivid in the mist of hurt. someone's reading pound right now, someone's reading frost out loud, someone's turning the page, someone's lifting a leaf, someone's spitting phlegm, somebody's kicking somebody else, somewhere jerry springer is on. everything listening at once and i can't stand to hold the amalgam of this all. i still don't understand it, not really.