"the color of your eye like that of a chocolate boat," he says. he says.

or, inthemail. in the mail i promise. i swear.

/

my right eye looks like it's leaking blood--inky red threads unraveling, diluting in the white sea. bordering the iris now. hideous, grotesque looking...it goes a bit beyond simply having red tinged eyes. is that usually symptomatic of too much drinking, caffeine, or stress? or does it reveal how i can't sleep these days? i'm tired of being convinced there's a pistol under my bed about to go off and break my skull completely. no amount of pillow punching and cautious pats to the lumps in the mattress helps. nor counting farm animals for comfort from loneliness and being afraid. "being afraid," that's slightly different from the separate-entity-unto-itself, coldness of "fear." different from the universal indifference, or general bleakness. you can be different... i love words and writing and speaking yourself through. but it means i'm a mess you can't get to, i'm afraid. that, i'm afraid, being afraid again.

(a mess)

and hey did you know, my body's a bog. my eye appearing to leak blood is only the tip-top of it.