you know, as bad as this headache is and as much as i need a cup of coffee right now, writing critically and tying in bias and clinical detachment/hypocrisy with dilthey's Verstehen aim is kinda fun. could just be the delirium talking, though. ...and i'm still screwed, in terms of this week's demands.

but it's fun, somehow. it's fun, mary beth. say it to yourself.

i have yet to peek at the grades posted online, for the descartes exam. i feel like a kid rushing to the bulletin board, empty halls and things...it shouldn't make my stomach do flip flops the way it is. if i didn't do okay, that course in particular has lots of soft padding...i can still make it up. it's more just a pride thing, i think. i want to think i can do well, that my brain's decent. it's hard to know what's what lately, where i stand. it's weird, the guage for that sort of thing...it's always unclear, at least a bit, to me. hm.

(so now i think of polina. does polina like saul bellow? did that whole having-saul-bellow-as-a-professor thing ever ? could it?)

too, i'm wondering right now where the new pornographers show will be held, and if i'm going to have to worry about being too young as usual. i hope to attend--that's an ideal school night. (laugh)

for some reason tonight i keep thinking about how this year i'm going to turn twenty, and how that freaks me out.

(blink blink)

rubbing the hurt from your eyes.