the typical listlessness after trying to sleep, you know this bit

you know...

despite the ache of farther and further and lines and maps and miles. this, the longing. --i went for a walk earlier today, looking for leaves to swirl and vendors to talk randomly to. and i felt alone. i had a moment.

i feel
irrevocably in love with him.

i do.

that's how i feel. it's not "right" or not, it's how i feel. i don't know how long i've been in love with him. but i am certain that i am.

and how strange it should be, yet it feels just fine this way. comfortable. like i fit into this shell, and can lay inside it and listen to sounds beating and draw in wonder. tracing fingertips. very clear, very calm, very subtle and natural sounding.

i begin to think i was never in love until, well, now and him and this and. you will tell me that's ridiculous. also that i am a now person once again. still i wonder. i'm beginning to feel it tide through me, this belief.

hopefully now i can rest, for a little while.