adam at 5.46am (not 12.43am, but it's still coffee and lifting eyes)

(turns pink)

raoul at firefly office mentioned me today. eek. i feel shy and undeserving.

he has always been very kind to me. with his time, his words, and his laughing. we have mutual friends, like the amazing aarti and also wise polina (i don't think i'm ever really going to be able to separate your name from that word, pol; sorry :) and amie, who is beyond sweet. also kore, who i think everyone wants to be friends with ;).

i shall have to thank him.

and he's right; i need to write something. how sad that my small dingy blackboard is now archival. mm...

i need new things to do. things that were already there, just waiting for me to place them in my hands (elaine equi, on her muse: "things are so lovely that i am forever asking him to hold things so i can name them," something almost like that...).

i want to be a construction worker and curl my toes at how shockingly beautiful scaffolding is, again.

(or maybe i just need to go insane again)