j

OMG.

2002-03-26T21:41:35Z

I got into NYU. Full ride (not for merit reasons, for employee benefit reasons).

Thank you, ye gods and little fishes.

Oh, yeah. And you too, dad.

Augh!

2002-03-26T16:50:10Z

I might as well ink my teeth with, "Insert foot here."

I win.

2002-03-21T19:21:23Z

What did four years of high school apathy get me?

A $20,000 scholarship.

Fuck modesty. I win.

Motion.

2002-03-12T15:48:04Z

Today I woke up late & staggered to school. I listened to Billy Corgan in the morning when it was cold and the world was sharp and in focus.

I bought water and drank it. Math was boring. The enlightenment of inverse trig functions eludes me.

English. Sylvia Plath. "Daddy." I called it yesterday, anticipating, but it really doesn't matter. I was proud of myself for expecting it, and I was half-thinking that I should have kept her diaries for myself instead of sending them off as a gift to S. Oh, well. Teaches me something valuable about altruism.

Daddy. Electra Complexes. I smiled smugly and folded my arms and ignored the buzzes of static voices around me -- except for the bursts of indignation from the Fundamentalist in front of me, babbling inanities about how depressing Sylvia Plath was. I was hoping that she'd go and gas herself afterwards, but I saw her fifth period, so no luck.

Human behavior. "Psychopaths are predators that display no remorse for their crimes." Pleasant. Talked about Neruda in undertones.

My French class is wrapped in a fine net of self-absorption; two in the corner, chatter chatter chatter chatter chatter overexaggerated whisper gasp! To which I reply: shut the fuck up, you bovine bitches. I like my teacher. She's sweet and funny. She helped me with my knitting once. I think it's obnoxious and unspeakably rude to carry a conversation in class at that volume. Pass notes like the rest of us, biatch.

Chemistry. Wherein nothing is done because I tutored people who had less of a clue than I. Tsk, tsk.

And study hall, wherein lunch is eaten and families are in denial about the homosexuality of some of their members. Comments are made. Nothing too profound.

And the ubiquitous cop-out gym class with an ostensible connection to Eastern philosophy. I want to give the underclassman who's always on her cellphone a smackdown -- right at her sixth chakra, d00d -- for she is muchly annoying and her roots show.

Also, there is an Oompa Loompa (spelling?) in that class. She's orange, bright orange. Tanning booths are the devil, yo.

And history, which reminds us that we never learn from our mistakes.

Came home & all was well. Except for the Calculus test I haven't studied for. I'm going to take a nap (short, never fear) & study. Or that's how the game plan goes.

Zen Master.

2002-03-11T17:26:07Z

In truth, I don't have much use for humanity-- except for the part of humanity that loads vending machines, but I'm just pragmatic like that.

Otherwise, I have little to no attachment to the world around me. I feel like I've spent my entire life shuttering myself inwards, growing in instead of out. But I don't feel bad about that; all I can see is the awful mess of the human condition and the depressing stupidity and mindless hedonism of even those who affect understanding & empathy. Sometimes I just want to walk up to everyone I see and tell them sadly of the pathetic vision they are, little pieces of meat wanting love, craving attention, sucking in the importance of the world. Their small dramas unfold and explode. The world goes on. Let go.

I don't want to be important. I don't want to be original. I don't want any of that at all.

Lately, that delicious feeling of detachment has returned. But it's not that familiar emotional freezerburn, it's that infinitely comforting sensation of ascension. I'm tired of high school and half-assed homework assignments. I'm tired of social pretention and affiliation. I'm tired of adolescent politics and bullshit. I'm tired of my own cynicism, and I'm tired of the entire anthem of misunderstood youth. We're not misunderstood: we're bored. We battle evils our own inventions. And I admit that I tried hard for three and a half years to do things right, but I've been letting go. Who needs this leering farce, day after day?

Paraphrasing Beckett, from Endgame. Oh, dear.

It comes down to this: the people I used to admire disgust and/or bore me.

It comes down to this: the people that I talk to now make me happier than anyone before did.

It comes down to this: I went to sleep way, way too late last night, and I'm really feeling the backlash now.

I'm so happy to exist, though. I've been staying in afternoons and nights, writing poetry, reading good books, avoiding calls, sleeping, watching TV, eating. Life is good for me. I feel substantial, so really, I can fuck the rest of everything, can't I?

Tomorrow I'm going to wake up and make myself happy again.

Helium.

2002-03-09T21:51:16Z

Sometimes I think I could just float away.

I remain hopeful.

I'm politically involved.

2002-03-03T17:50:33Z

Word, Dennis.

***

A Prayer for America
The following speech was given on February 17, 2002 in Los Angeles, California at an event sponsored by the Southern California Americans for Democratic Action.

I offer these brief remarks today as a prayer for our country, with love of democracy, as a celebration of our country. With love for our country. With hope for our country. With a belief that the light of freedom cannot be extinguished as long as it is inside of us. With a belief that freedom rings resoundingly in a democracy each time we speak freely. With the understanding that freedom stirs the human heart and fear stills it. With the belief that a free people cannot walk in fear and faith at the same time.

With the understanding that there is a deeper truth expressed in the unity of the United States. That implicit in the union of our country is the union of all people. That all people are essentially one. That the world is interconnected not only on the material level of economics, trade, communication, and transportation, but innerconnected through human consciousness, through the human heart, through the heart of the world, through the simply expressed impulse and yearning to be and to breathe free.

I offer this prayer for America.

Let us pray that our nation will remember that the unfolding of the promise of democracy in our nation paralleled the striving for civil rights. That is why we must challenge the rationale of the Patriot Act. We must ask why should America put aside guarantees of constitutional justice?

How can we justify in effect canceling the First Amendment and the right of free speech, the right to peaceably assemble?

How can we justify in effect canceling the Fourth Amendment, probable cause, the prohibitions against unreasonable search and seizure?

How can we justify in effect canceling the Fifth Amendment, nullifying due process, and allowing for indefinite incarceration without a trial?

How can we justify in effect canceling the Sixth Amendment, the right to prompt and public trial?

How can we justify in effect canceling the Eighth Amendment which protects against cruel and unusual punishment?

We cannot justify widespread wiretaps and internet surveillance without judicial supervision, let alone with it.

We cannot justify secret searches without a warrant.

We cannot justify giving the Attorney General the ability to designate domestic terror groups.

We cannot justify giving the FBI total access to any type of data which may exist in any system anywhere such as medical records and financial records.

We cannot justify giving the CIA the ability to target people in this country for intelligence surveillance.

We cannot justify a government which takes from the people our right to privacy and then assumes for its own operations a right to total secrecy.

The Attorney General recently covered up a statue of Lady Justice showing her bosom as if to underscore there is no danger of justice exposing herself at this time, before this administration.

Let us pray that our nation's leaders will not be overcome with fear. Because today there is great fear in our great Capitol. And this must be understood before we can ask about the shortcomings of Congress in the current environment.

The great fear began when we had to evacuate the Capitol on September 11.

It continued when we had to leave the Capitol again when a bomb scare occurred as members were pressing the CIA during a secret briefing.

It continued when we abandoned Washington when anthrax, possibly from a government lab, arrived in the mail.

It continued when the Attorney General declared a nationwide terror alert and then the Administration brought the destructive Patriot Bill to the floor of the House.

It continued in the release of the bin Laden tapes at the same time the President was announcing the withdrawal from the ABM treaty.

It remains present in the cordoning off of the Capitol.

It is present in the camouflaged armed national guardsmen who greet members of Congress each day we enter the Capitol campus.

It is present in the labyrinth of concrete barriers through which we must pass each time we go to vote.

The trappings of a state of siege trap us in a state of fear, ill-equipped to deal with the Patriot Games, the Mind Games, the War Games of an unelected President and his unelected Vice President.

Let us pray that our country will stop this war. "To provide for the common defense" is one of the formational principles of America.

Our Congress gave the President the ability to respond to the tragedy of September 11. We licensed a response to those who helped bring the terror of September 11th. But we the people and our elected representatives must reserve the right to measure the response, to proportion the response, to challenge the response, and to correct the response.

Because we did not authorize the invasion of Iraq.

We did not authorize the invasion of Iran.

We did not authorize the invasion of North Korea.

We did not authorize the bombing of civilians in Afghanistan.

We did not authorize permanent detainees in Guantanamo Bay.

We did not authorize the withdrawal from the Geneva Convention.

We did not authorize military tribunals suspending due process and habeas corpus.

We did not authorize assassination squads.

We did not authorize the resurrection of COINTELPRO.

We did not authorize the repeal of the Bill of Rights.

We did not authorize the revocation of the Constitution.

We did not authorize national identity cards.

We did not authorize the eye of Big Brother to peer from cameras throughout our cities.

We did not authorize an eye for an eye.

Nor did we ask that the blood of innocent people, who perished on September 11, be avenged with the blood of innocent villagers in Afghanistan.

We did not authorize the administration to wage war anytime, anywhere,anyhow it pleases.

We did not authorize war without end.

We did not authorize a permanent war economy.

Yet we are upon the threshold of a permanent war economy. The President has requested a $45.6 billion increase in military spending. All defense-related programs will cost close to $400 billion.

Consider that the Department of Defense has never passed an independent audit.

Consider that the Inspector General has notified Congress that the Pentagon cannot properly account for $1.2 trillion in transactions.

Consider that in recent years the Dept. of Defense could not match $22 billion worth of expenditures to the items it purchased, wrote off, as lost, billions of dollars worth of in-transit inventory and stored nearly $30 billion worth of spare parts it did not need.

Yet the defense budget grows with more money for weapons systems to fight a cold war which ended, weapon systems in search of new enemies to create new wars. This has nothing to do with fighting terror.

This has everything to do with fueling a military industrial machine with the treasure of our nation, risking the future of our nation, risking democracy itself with the militarization of thought which follows the militarization of the budget.

Let us pray for our children. Our children deserve a world without end. Not a war without end. Our children deserve a world free of the terror of hunger, free of the terror of poor health care, free of the terror of homelessness, free of the terror of ignorance, free of the terror of hopelessness, free of the terror of policies which are committed to a world view which is not appropriate for the survival of a free people, not appropriate for the survival of democratic values, not appropriate for the survival of our nation, and not appropriate for the survival of the world.

Let us pray that we have the courage and the will as a people and as a nation to shore ourselves up, to reclaim from the ruins of September 11th our democratic traditions.

Let us declare our love for democracy. Let us declare our intent for peace.

Let us work to make nonviolence an organizing principle in our own society.

Let us recommit ourselves to the slow and painstaking work of statecraft, which sees peace, not war as being inevitable.

Let us work for a world where someday war becomes archaic.

That is the vision which the proposal to create a Department of Peace envisions. Forty-three members of Congress are now cosponsoring the legislation.

Let us work for a world where nuclear disarmament is an imperative. That is why we must begin by insisting on the commitments of the ABM treaty. That is why we must be steadfast for nonproliferation.

Let us work for a world where America can lead the day in banning weapons of mass destruction not only from our land and sea and sky but from outer space itself. That is the vision of HR 3616: A universe free of fear. Where we can look up at God's creation in the stars and imagine infinite wisdom, infinite peace, infinite possibilities, not infinite war, because we are taught that the kingdom will come on earth as it is in heaven.

Let us pray that we have the courage to replace the images of death which haunt us, the layers of images of September 11th, faded into images of patriotism, spliced into images of military mobilization, jump-cut into images of our secular celebrations of the World Series, New Year's Eve, the Superbowl, the Olympics, the strobic flashes which touch our deepest fears, let us replace those images with the work of human relations, reaching out to people, helping our own citizens here at home, lifting the plight of the poor everywhere.

That is the America which has the ability to rally the support of the world.

That is the America which stands not in pursuit of an axis of evil, but which is itself at the axis of hope and faith and peace and freedom. America, America. God shed grace on thee. Crown thy good, America.

Not with weapons of mass destruction. Not with invocations of an axis of evil. Not through breaking international treaties. Not through establishing America as king of a unipolar world. Crown thy good America. America, America. Let us pray for our country. Let us love our country. Let us defend our country not only from the threats without but from the threats within.

Crown thy good, America. Crown thy good with brotherhood, and sisterhood. And crown thy good with compassion and restraint and forbearance and a commitment to peace, to democracy, to economic justice here at home and throughout the world.

Crown thy good, America. Crown thy good America. Crown thy good.

Thank you.

***

Please send replies to Dkucinich@AOL.com

US CONGRESSMAN DENNIS J. KUCINICH

FUCK.

2002-03-01T15:58:49Z

Okay, when A (of the A&Z pair) said she never wanted to be in a relationship in high school, she hadn't met Z yet.

When I said I never wanted to be in a relationship in high school, I knew E.

Also, now that the endorphins are plummeting I'm beginning to think I was serious.

Fuck.

I'm going out tonight. I'm not nervous. I just have a bad feeling about the entire affair. I love SJ. And it's a lot more stable than the whatever you want to call it for E, and why compromise friendship over something as cheap as a high school pairing?

I need you guys this weekend. I know we're sort of estranged. Please. I'm calling in my favors. I need to figure out what the hell is up.

So Alice in Wonderland. Oy, vey.

2002-02-15T18:53:30Z

...hours later, I'm still running around in circles muttering something that sounds like, "Arggghhhbwlagofffrgghl!"

Look, what if we're really bad together? What if we both get on depressive cycles? What if I find chivalry annoying? What if I start psychoanalysing him? (Computer nerds: what is it that when you move your fingers one key left for all the letters for "him," you get "gun"?)

And we wouldn't be able to make pasta sauce with meat because he's vegetarian.

And I see his mother everyday.

And you realize that you build everything up so high, and it's this-- precarious balance that always maintains itself by a miracle or deep denial.

I don't know. So-- we know that j is about Tolkien and Harry Potter and NYC and other such lovely affairs, but j just also happens to be about drinking & drugs & self-construction, and that's sort of a lot to subject anyone to.

Oh, right, and that being really, really, really good friends with The Ex deal.

Agh! I sound like a loser, so I give up.

Okay.

2002-02-15T16:05:59Z

So, at the risk of sounding severely chemically imbalanced (re: last post), my endorphins are, uh, really, really, really high.

Um, of course, right on cue are the various sentiments of doubt and fear and everything else, but... I don't know. I wish I'd gotten to actually talk with him, but there it goes. He'll be basking on the west coast next week, and I'll be being pathetic on the east coast. Hell, yeah.

It's too much to hope that he'll call tonight, right?

j vs. World @ Large

2002-02-14T17:55:02Z

The only reason I'm not crying is because it's Valentine's Day, and I refuse to concede that much to cliche.

I'm sorry. I can't deal anymore.

Well.

2002-02-13T13:23:05Z

Everyone's been annoying the fuck out of me lately. I chalk it up to Valentine's Day tomorrow, which is a pretty trite excuse, but viable all the same.

People have become boring-- drones of desire or routine. The same rants and tirades and endless wheedling; high school is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. Even this is nothing more than a regurgitation of some earlier self-righteousness. Everyone expects more than their share empathy (hell, I sure do), and then we've just got this huge karmadebt.

I envy people who somehow go through school with the same bovine expression on their faces everyday, amazed by each 'new' indulgent revelation of self. Bliss is the idea that time does not exist as an endless dimension. Bliss is the idea that thought does not equate into anything, much less action.

Grar. I'm cranky.

Hee!

2002-02-09T20:14:05Z

You arrogant wench.

BE FRIDAY ALREADY.

2002-02-07T18:38:45Z

Okay, Thursday, it's time to die your long, painful death! Die, motherfucker!

No, I'm not on edge or anything... *twitch* Why do you ask?

I just realized that you can edit entries. Whee! It's deletin' time!

Lackluster & nothing at all.

2002-02-06T06:35:50Z

Too emotionally brittle for school today.

That is all.

;p

2002-02-02T15:12:31Z

Uh, yeah.

K&K are at the game until God knows when. All I know is that I have a lot of pot and that K#2 owes me $$. (Before you interject with your "Why don't you ever smoke up with us?" spiel, please consider making a financial contribution and setting up a place and providing equipment, and then we'll talk. ;-)

Oh, man. If you ever get high, download the Geiss plugins from www.mp3.com and press play on WinAmp. It's hysterical; S has seem them (sober). The plugin generates this acid wash of colors and vibrating lines to go with the music, and I swear to God, I was in them last night. It was crazy. It was like traveling through space, or tripping through one of those tunnels of light those near-death-experience people always rave about; everything was in focus to this minute degree. It was, uh, deeply moving, or something. Wait, wait, I know: it was fucking awesome.

Heh.

Omnipresent angst? Nah.

2002-01-27T17:54:10Z

Tired and lazy; I don't even want to feed myself.

It's so warm in this room, I'm a little feverish. I swear, as soon as my body temperature rises, I lose coherency, so I just want to babble about bad dreams and the Zen of Self.

I have nightmares that feature thinly stretched figures with distorted features; no one recognizable, but the sentiment of--dare I say?--betrayal is there before it's wiped away by rage.

But I have uplifting dreams of the end of the world, everything smashed in contorted knots of steel and brick and asphalt. I want to think that that's what it's like to really ascend, you know what I mean? Maybe? I hope that they're be a string quartet playing when the world ends. Heh. Too much GYBE!? It's never too much.

I watched 'Requiem for a Dream' today, and I have a feeling that had it been nasty weather today, I would have killed myself, but let's not brood on that timing, shall we?

I'm going to take a shower. Yes.

Sadness.

2002-01-25T14:45:16Z

My computer is being slaughtered and crucified and painfully ressurected. (I.e., formatted, and then everything has to be reinstalled.)

Sigh. I'm lucky that my mother's a computer chick like I am. We have three computers in the house (she has three; I've got the fourth), and we're going to be getting a college laptop, so... yeah, I've always got these computers whilst I wait for my computer to clonk into complete oblivion. (Hee! I sound so rich and spoiled. Truth be told, my mom's a computer tech, and she built these computers from old parts and leftover stuff from her business, so don't worry, we're not that well off. ;-)

But yeah. I'm going to sulk for a bit.

Damn straight!

2002-01-19T15:14:13Z

</a>
Which drink are you?

Yay! I <3 Long Island ice tea.

I'm such a lush.

Damnation.

2002-01-19T15:13:03Z

It's snowing.

Okay.

I was supposed to go out tonight, I think. (And another brain cell bites the dust.) Um. But I'm not trusting my life to a bunch of kids who are stoned out of their minds, not with black ice and skidding and sliding and all.

On second thought, that sounds-- no, no, bad judgment call, j. Bad.

I was in New Haven with J yesterday, after we dropped S off for her romantic interlude at Grand Central; we wandered around the Yale campus for a little while, and I felt a little nostalgic, remembering when my dad was a grad student there and we used to go to this little Asiamart for rice and mooncakes. I got the last GYBE! CD I didn't have (another project of theirs, actually-- Silver Mt. Zion, etc.), and that was good. I got Joy Division (heh) and Spoon, and that was good, too. Yea, verily it was.

I got home a little after seven, and then MM and SJ (oy, all this secrecy ;) wanted to do something, so we got together to watch a movie. Okay, "Clueless" is a masterpiece of humor. I can't even believe what I didn't catch the first time I saw it--of course, because that was in 1995 and I didn't hit my Radiohead phase until 1996... well. Well, well, well. It was just so fucking funny.

Anyhow.

W00t. I am a productive member of LiveJournal, yo.

Um, yes.

2002-01-17T15:22:47Z

I need to write more entries so I can showcase my intellectual, um, whatsit, ohyeah, wit.

First day of midterms--can you tell? ;) But I, keen academic that I am, kicked The Mighty Collective Arses of AP Calc and AP English and made it back home to watch "Like It Is," a British gay love story.

(Incidentally, I'll return it tomorrow, J, and pay the late fines, so don't freak that I still have it.)

"Like It Is" is actually a horrible, horrible movie. I was in it for the boyflesh objectification, and I'll admit to that. The terribly conflicted cramming-self-into-closet lead had an absolutely gorgeous body--that sort of lanky and chiseled grace, surprisingly muscular underneath his skin, and folks, we saw a lot of his skin.

Anyhow. So I have to get into the habit of updating this so that I'll remember that I'm supposed to keep in touch with people when I pack my bags off next year. Blame my carelessness on a transient childhood: my relationship timecards were supposed to have been stamped out last year, but here I am, and here you are... I don't know if this is extremely fortunate or extremely bad, but you can't blame my zeal for a change of scenery.

Lifted from ashleigh (igounnoticed, who's also listening to Sunny Day Real Estate, strangely enough) because I'm bored and feeling self-indulgent.

Name: j
Birthday: 2/28
Sex: XX-chromosome
Location: Rustic New England
What does your livejournal name mean: Without getting into the Freudian implications, it's just something Sam thought up because we're both pretentious dorks.

Seven things that scare you:
1. Attachment
2. My own stupidity
3. Thought vs. Action (too much Hamlet; die already, you bastard)
4. Being a failure
5. Never getting out of my suburban box
6. Ignorant people in high places
7. Being awake at two a.m. because I can't sleep and not being able to close my eyes because I'm convinced that something terrible will happen if I do

Seven things that make you laugh:
1. Alex, when she's being stupid-funny
2. Katie's flipbooks
3. Badly written romance novels
4. Being stoned
5. Harry Potter (books 1-3; 4 was traumatic, yo)
6. People who take themselves much, much too seriously (pot, kettle, black; I know)
7. Bek

Seven things you love:
1. New York
2. Mango sorbet
3. Shumai
4. Poetry on late nights
5. Fervent typing
6. Dancing half-naked around in my bedroom
7. My ma

Seven things you hate:
1. Mindless stupidity
2. Inaction
3. Arrogance & self-importance
4. Hypocrisy
5. Sycophancy
6. Statis (along with Inaction)
7. Uncertainty

Seven things on your (computer) desk:
1. GYBE! - Slow Riot to New Kanada
2. Three mix CDs
3. Portishead - Dummy
4. Massive Attack - Blue Lines
5. Tibetan jewelry, a heavy crystalline pendant, a heavy silver ring
6. Gold Bond Medicated Body Powder
7. A Harry Potter cup

Right now you are:
1. Unbathed, with K's number scrawled on my arm
2. In my underwear
3. Very warm and cozy
4. Hungry
5. Restless
6. Itching to know about college
7. Sick

Seven facts about you:
1. I'm the most ambitious person I know.
2. I'm a fucking awesome cook.
3. I am plagued with self-doubt about my ability and my nose.
4. I'm a voracious reader.
5. I enjoy success.
6. I regret not being a musician.
7. You'll be sorry when I leave.

Seven things you plan to do before you die:
1. Write the Great American Unpretentious Novel
2. Learn how to draw
3. Have nice abs
4. Fall in love
5. Break it off before it withers into nothing
6. Become a Guru of Design
7. At the moment before death, I want to be injected with heroin. Seriously.

Seven things you can do:
1. Type at over 100wpm
2. Make good egg drop soup
3. Navigate petty high school politics
4. Um, integration!
5. Procrastinate
6. Recite "The Lay of Earendil"
7. Make a fool of myself

Seven Things You Can't Do:
1. Wrest myself from apathy
2. Become invisible
3. Whistle
4. Snap my fingers
5. Organize
6. Admit defeat
7. Eat healthy

Seven Famous People You Want To Meet: (living or dead)
1. e.e. cummings
2. Pablo Neruda
3. Sylvia Plath
4. Stephen King
5. Kurt Vonnegut
6. Douglas Coupland
7. William Gibson

Top 7 songs people should give a listen:
I'm a songmonger. Also, I'm afraid that GYBE! will break up even there's even a hint of mainstream success. Dammit.

Top 7 things that turn you on about your sex of choice
1. Facial structure
2. Eyes
3. Collarbones
4. Hands
5. Laugh
6. Sincerity
7. Humor

Top 7 things you say the most:
1. Fuck you <-- uh... heh
2. Your mother
3. Ostensibly (+ statement)
4. Dude!
5. W00t
6. HON HON HON (le rire francais ;p)
7. No

Yes.

2002-01-12T19:29:37Z

I'm so trashed, it's... funny.

Heh.

NYC.

2001-12-27T21:05:44Z

Putting off college applications for yet another evening to revel in the wonderful quiet of the late hours.

One day, I'm going to live in New York, in an apartment with high ceilings and a little bathtub raised on lionfeet. The side of my building will be painted red, and the black fire escape will wind down it, across the brick. On summer nights, I'll sit by the kitchen window and sip iced tea and laugh at the sweetness of it all. I'll have white cloth curtains, wispy and light, and if Mozart isn't playing, then GYBE! will be. I'll drink Manhattans with whiskey-soaked cherries in the evening and listen to the automation of traffic. I'll have a puppy that I'll adore and take for walks down Greene.

Sometimes I wonder if I want to share all this-- it's a lot of beauty, and my little mind can only bear so much-- and I begin to consider roommates, live-in friends, significant others, adopted little Russian boys, but really, I'm so fucking content with the idea of being on my own and falling asleep on the couch with my dog, under a nice, thick afghan.

But I'd dearly love an Irish boy to share in all this for a month or two. ;)

Obligatory Teen Angst (PII)

2001-12-18T17:18:25Z

My mother, for all her other redeeming qualities, is still a spineless waste of estrogen trying to live vicariously through the sole offspring her whithered ovaries could choke out.

Things like "stop," "please be quiet," "I'm sorry," and "I'm tired" don't process with the parental units. What is it about aging that makes people lose their empathy? I think empathy is the foremost quality of humanity-- empathy and intimacy. I'm convinced that it sheds with our skin, and we slowly outgrow the beautiful perception of the world we had when we were kids until we are driven insane by our own callousness and revert back into an insincere form of sympathy for our own sake's.

Altruism is a joke. Fuck, yeah.

I think being loved pointlessly is disingenuous, quite frankly.

Obligatory Teen Angst.

2001-12-15T16:32:18Z

I HATE MY FUCKING PARENTS. I CAN'T FUCKING WAIT TO GET OUT OF THIS FUCKING LITTLE BOX AND TO STOP LIVING THIS FUCKING LITTLE LIFE.

They haven't even said "I'm sorry" yet about the fucking mess my life is. I haven't gotten one fucking word of comfort, and I hate being so needy and wanting it.

Fuck you, mom. Fuck you, dad.

FUCK YOU.