aborted 😟anxious

So Alice in Wonderland. Oy, vey.

...hours later, I'm still running around in circles muttering something that sounds like, "Arggghhhbwlagofffrgghl!"

Look, what if we're really bad together? What if we both get on depressive cycles? What if I find chivalry annoying? What if I start psychoanalysing him? (Computer nerds: what is it that when you move your fingers one key left for all the letters for "him," you get "gun"?)

And we wouldn't be able to make pasta sauce with meat because he's vegetarian.

And I see his mother everyday.

And you realize that you build everything up so high, and it's this-- precarious balance that always maintains itself by a miracle or deep denial.

I don't know. So-- we know that j is about Tolkien and Harry Potter and NYC and other such lovely affairs, but j just also happens to be about drinking & drugs & self-construction, and that's sort of a lot to subject anyone to.

Oh, right, and that being really, really, really good friends with The Ex deal.

Agh! I sound like a loser, so I give up.