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Mon 16 May, 2011 05:52 pm
TRUMP TAKES CREDIT FOR GETTING TRUMP TO DROP OUT
May 16, 2011 NEW YORK, N.Y. (SatireWire.com)
– Donald Trump dropped out of the presidential race today, a “huge and monumental” decision that he claimed never would have happened if he hadn’t intervened to talk himself out of running.
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“As you all know, earlier today Donald Trump announced he would not run for president, and I can tell you now that all of the credit for that should go to me,” Trump said. “For his own reasons, Trump strung us along and we all endured needless speculation. ‘Is he for real?’ ‘Will he run?’ ‘Are Americans really that stupid?’ None of that matters now, thanks to me.
“I am really honored, frankly, to have played such a big role in hopefully getting rid of this issue,” he added.
Trump went on to say he was proud of what he’d accomplished during his speculative candidacy, which included getting Barack Obama to publish his birth certificate, putting the issue of China on the table, and bringing job creation to the forefront. But his greatest accomplishment, he said, was standing toe-to-toe with the shameless, egotistical hustler that only he could take on.
“Look, people don’t understand Donald Trump like I do,” he said. “He’s like the Chinese. He’ll try to screw you at every turn. You need a tough guy to go in there and say, ‘Hey, we’re not going put up with your crap.’”
In terms of heroics, Trump said his action was “right up there with the killing of Osama bin Laden in terms of making America a safer, more secure place to live.”
As for the future, Trump promised to continue fighting for America’s middle class by continuing to keep himself from running.
Copyright © 2011, SatireWire
I, for one, shall miss him. I would love to have a presidential race with both he and NEwt duking it out.
Much fun has been lost from the race.
@farmerman,
Ha, but he made you look didn't he. Trump is the modern version of P.T. Barnum....and he is very good at what he does.
The world's worst comb-over and more hubris than the College of Cardinals and the Pope combined . . . i'm glad Donald was able to talk Trump out of embarrassing himself and the nation . . .
@Setanta,
I think that the presidency is too important to take seriously.
@farmerman,
Well, at least we have Gingrich to fuss over. His peckerdillos and his Periodic "outing" can make for an interesting season.
@farmerman,
Gingrich is only in it to star in the Viagra ads when it's over.
@parados,
He so looks like little Stay Puf.
I listened to Trump's speech in which he sort of stated that he really "didnt have time to take away from all his other frying pans " to devote to something as minor as running for president. He is such a schmuck .
@farmerman,
He quit before the voters could fire him.
@rosborne979,
you always have the nack to tightly focus on the basic facts
@farmerman,
farmerman wrote:
you always have the nack to tightly focus on the basic facts
That's because most people have a short attention span, so you have to ram your thoughts into as few words as possible (sorry, that sentence ran on a bit long
)
@parados,
Or he could join Fred Thomson in AAG ads.
Kind of wish he would go back to L & A, I like Jack McCoy better as assistance attorney and I didn't like that new guy at all.
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