What we see and what we seem are but a dream, a dream within a dream

Art for Nearsilence's CBB (NSFW)

a_dreamwithin — Wed, 09 May 2012 13:42:10 GMT

Adam/Tommy/Mikey. Three of my favourite boys in one fic? Sign me up buttercup! (Art is NSFW! Some butts showing)

I Need You to Need Me

a_dreamwithin — Thu, 29 Mar 2012 23:51:20 GMT

Title: I Need You to Need Me
Author: a_dreamwithin
Bands/pairings: Brendon/OMC, Brendon/MikeyWay, Brendon/Spencer. Spencer/OMC
Rating: NC-17
Word count: 6k
Warnings: Some graphic sex, a liberal amount of swearing
Summary: Brendon’s can’t remember exactly when he realised he was in love with Spencer, but he thinks that it’s been several years now, and his feelings haven’t diminished.
Author’s Notes: for ohnoscarlett’s bandomreversebb. Such a challenging and rewarding mix to write for! Much thanks to the ohnoscarlett for being so wonderful and patient, and to the mods for all their hard work and dedication in putting this event together.

June 10

Brendon tucks his toes under Spencer's thigh and waits for Spencer to settle back and hit the play button.

“Comfy there?” Spencer laughs, looking at Brendon’s socked toes wiggling under his leg. Dimples pinch Spencer’s cheek softly. Brendon beams back and chirps, “Yup,” in reply.

Brendon’s heart thumps loudly in his chest as heat radiates off Spencer’s leg. “Blanket?” Spencer asks.

“Please.” Brendon tips sideways a little to pick the two open bottles of beer off the floor and cradles them to his chest. Spencer’s body is warm against Brendon’s side, their body heat leeching together where they’re pressed arm to arm. Brendon is curled up in a little ball but still manages to take up half the couch. Spencer’s not really sure how he does it, but flings his arm around Brendon’s shoulder anyway and pulls them together more firmly. Spencer spreads the blanket over their legs, winks, and Brendon’s heart catches.

“How many times have we watched this?” Spencer asks as Brendon passes one of the beers over and the opening credits roll.

“I don’t know, a lot?”

“Why don’t we ever watch something else?” It’s a conversation they’ve had a dozen times before.

Brendon laughs. “We do. We just come back to this. We have no lives.”

“Speak for yourself!”

Brendon smiles, “Okay, I’m lame, I live the life of the boring, work-obsessed teacher, and you, good sir of the corporate world have no extra-curricular activities planned for your Friday night. That sound about right?”

“Unfortunately,” Spencer sighs dramatically.

“You should be thankful I didn’t pick The Bodyguard again.”

Spencer shudders, “Swear to God, I can only stand to watch that movie once a year, when I’m really drunk and, or, depressed.”

Brendon opens his mouth and Spencer yelps, “No!” and presses the hand that also holds his beer to Brendon’s mouth but the words of Whitney Houston can’t be muffled.

“Iiiiiiiiiii, will alwaaaays love youuuu,” Brendon wails over the top of Spencer’s protests, managing to hold for a few more tremolos before he dissolves into the giggles.

“You’re a terrible person, Brendon Urie,” Spencer deadpans.

Brendon’s eyes twinkle with mischief. “But somehow, you still put up with me! Ah ah!” Brendon says, as Spencer goes to retort. “Shush, the movie’s starting.”

Star Wars marathons happen more often that Brendon and Spencer would like to admit. They know every line, can mimic every sweep of a lightsaber, and Brendon does a cracking Yoda impression that never fails to make Spencer fall over laughing.

They’re fifteen minutes in when Spencer’s phone rings. Brendon doesn’t see the caller ID before Spencer answers, can’t hear the words on the other end of the line, but he knows the voice. Spencer is smiling and flirting, and promising that he “can be there in half an hour.”

Spencer hangs up. “Spoke too soon!” He detangles himself from the blanket and passes his beer off to Brendon. “I got lucky.”

“So it seems,” Brendon mumbles under his breath as Spencer disappears into his room to change. He only takes a minute, emerging in dark jeans and a dark button-down that Brendon figures won’t be on Spencer’s body for long.

“Do you mind postponing our movie date?” Spencer pops a mint into his mouth, patting his pocket for his phone and keys.

A New Hope plays on, but Brendon’s stopped paying attention. “I- sure.” Bit late to be asking that now you’ve already made plans, Brendon thinks. “I’ve got some marking I should probably do.”

Spencer flips open his wallet, checks one of the compartments and grimaces. “Got any condoms? I’ve run out.”

Brendon forces himself to smile. “Check my wallet, I think. Actually, you might want to check the date on them first. Just- you know.” Brendon points to his desk where his wallet is sitting in one of the little stationary boxes.

Spencer flips open Brendon’s wallet and pulls the two condoms out. He briefly checks the expiry - they’re still okay- and slides them into his back pocket. Brendon lifts the beer bottle to his lips and takes another swig, just for something to do with his hands. His chest feels tight; knowing that Spencer knows it’s been a while since Brendon last had someone to hook up with.

“Look okay?” Spencer asks, holding his hands out to his sides. Spencer’s hair looks soft, falling in little waves that frame his face beautifully. Spencer’s blue eyes are bright underneath his dark lashes. Spencer’s lost weight in the last few months, replacing some of the remaining baby fat with muscle from surfing. He looks good, really good. Brendon swallows and nods. He beckons Spencer forward and reaches up to brush some lint off Spencer’s shoulder.

“All better.”

“You’re a star, thanks B,” Spencer grins. He kisses Brendon on the cheek and heads for the door. “We’ll do this another time, yeah?” He’s gone and the door slams shut before Brendon can reply.

“Yeah,” Brendon sighs to himself. Fuck, fuck, fuck, he thinks. He throws the blanket over his head and groans in exasperation. “Fuck.”

~*~

June 18

Brendon’s can’t remember exactly when he realised he was in love with Spencer, but he thinks that it’s been several years now, and his feelings haven’t diminished.

He and Spencer both got accepted to the same college, escaped Las Vegas and moved to California together, roomed together in the dormitories, saved some money and moved out together. They studied together, played music together, learned how to surf together.

They’re sitting out beyond the break together as the sun rises behind them and their boards rock gently with the swell. Being so far into winter, only a handful of other surfers have braved the icy sea to catch a few waves.

“You haven’t brought anyone home in a while,” Spencer comments, breaking the silence.

Brendon shrugs. “I guess. I haven’t really thought about it.”

“No-one’s caught your fancy lately?”

“I’ve been busy. I work too much.”

Spencer laughs. “C’mon B, that’s such a bullshit excuse and you know it. Go out and get laid! I’m worried about you, you know?”

“You know it’s different for me,” Brendon says softly. “I want a connection. My dick isn’t going to fall off just because I haven’t fucked anyone recently.”

“Bren-”

“This wave’s mine,” Brendon says, abruptly turning and paddling out as fast as he can. He drops over the lip of the wave and vanishes from sight, leaving Spencer confused at Brendon’s defensiveness. Brendon can’t describe the feelings churning inside his chest, having Spencer comment on his sex life, or lack thereof. He wonders if Spencer truly knows the reason why Brendon hasn’t been on a date.

By the time Brendon makes it back, Spencer has an apology waiting on his lips.

“I’m sorry, B, I didn’t mean to pry.”

Brendon pulls out a smile that’s only a bit forced. “Don’t worry about it. I shouldn’t have snapped.” He swings his legs through the water slowly. “I’ve been stressed lately, I just need to unwind a bit, I think. A couple more waves and I’ll be fine.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, it’s cool Spence. I’m just being an idiot.”

Spencer frowns a little like he doesn’t believe Brendon, but he quickly brushes it off. “You want to grab some lunch later? Chill out at home for a while and watch another movie? I owe you one, remember?”

Spencer’s eyes are impossibly blue, twinkling in the morning sunlight. He looks hopeful, and beautiful, and Brendon swallows a lump in his throat. He convinces himself that everything will be fine, when he knows that it’s getting harder and harder to hide how he feels.

“My pick?”

Spencer laughs. “Sure.”

Later that night, Spencer cooks dinner for them both, convinces Brendon to leave his lesson preparation for tomorrow and they settle back on the couch to re-watch A New Hope.

~*~

June 22

Spencer has never really enjoyed classical music, but he always finds himself fascinated when Brendon plays. He watches Brendon’s fingers move over the keys, finding each note from memory. There’s no sheet music in front of him, but Spencer recognises the Bach piece that Brendon has spent weeks trying to memorise and perfect.

When Brendon comes to the end of the piece with a flourish Spencer claps and cheers, “Bravo! Encore!”

Brendon laughs. “It would sound better on a real piano, not my electric.”

Spencer scoffs. “You’re a maestro, B! You’re so fucking talented, for the life of me, I can’t figure out why you didn’t join the orchestra, and make squillions from performing in front of thousands of people every night.”

Brendon twists around on the piano stool and rolls his eyes behind his glasses. “I don’t think it works quite like that,” he laughs. “I’m really not that good.”

“Don’t sell yourself short, babe. You sound amazing. Those students of yours must be in awe.” Spencer smacks a kiss against Brendon’s cheek.

“Thanks Spence,” Brendon says with a smile. He looks up at Spencer wishing that those lips would touch his, just once.

~*~

June 25

That weekend Spencer convinces Brendon to come out to a club, buys him a drink or two, before he disappears off into the dance floor. During the week Spencer works hard, putting in long hours at the office, making sure his projects are managed and finished perfectly. He’s methodical and absolutely meticulous, but on the weekends the Spencer you see isn’t the Spencer you see at work.

Ordinarily, both of them would be out dancing, working up a sweat as they bump and grind with anonymous bodies, but Spencer seems to have taken the lead tonight.

A cute blonde eyes Brendon from the other end of the bar and he decides, fuck it, he’ll take a leaf out of Spencer’s book for the night, just one night. Brendon looks the blonde up and down pointedly and beckons him over with a slight jerk of his head.

Brendon gets blown in the bathroom, and returns the favour, but after the condom is discarded and the pair part ways, Brendon just feels sick. He doesn’t know the guy’s name, how old he is, what he likes, what he hates. Brendon knows it doesn’t matter, that he’ll never see the guy again, but that’s also half the point. The relentless thumping bass presses in on Brendon’s skull, the heat radiating off the dance floor is suffocating and the strobe lights hurt his eyes.

He scours the dance floor and finds Spencer, or what might be Spencer in the darkness, locking lips with a piece of tall, dark and handsome, and Brendon quickly decides to leave. He fires off an ambiguous text, letting Spencer know he’s out for the night.

He catches a cab back to their apartment and once he’s secured inside, picks up his guitar and plays through as much of Radiohead’s discography as he knows, trying to quiet down the whirlwind of thoughts in his head.

~*~

July 15

“Wow, you’re really going all out tonight,” Brendon comments, leaning on the kitchen counter and watching as Spencer pulls nachos out of the oven.

Spencer grins and sets the dish on the counter. “We haven’t had a proper movie night in ages, B. Can you grab the guacamole out of the fridge for me?”

Brendon opens the fridge and retrieves the appropriate bowl. He picks out the sour cream and sweet chilli sauce as well, just before Spencer opens his mouth to ask for them.

“Mind reader,” Spencer accuses.

“I’m working on it,” Brendon winks. Spencer is caught by the way Brendon’s smile seems to light up his whole face. Spencer hasn’t noticed Brendon smile like that in a long time. “Is there something on my face?” Brendon asks, touching his cheeks. “You’re staring.”

Spencer shakes himself out of it. “No, just- it’s nothing. There’s nothing there.”

Brendon’s eyebrows quirk in amusement. “Sure?”

“Yeah. How’s school?” Spencer asks, taking the opportunity for a change of subject and a chance to catch up on what Brendon has been teaching lately that Spencer has missed out on.

After one and a half movies and a few hours kicked back on the couch, they’re both pleasantly full, and pleasantly inebriated. They’ve moulded together on the couch, giggling helplessly and singing along to Monty Python’s ‘Always Look on the Bright Side of Life’. Brendon whistles loudly at the appropriate moment, while Spencer’s whistle barely makes a puff of sound.

They're barely inches apart now. Brendon's breath catches in his throat, Spencer’s lips are just right there, and he thinks that Spencer notices too. Spencer’s hand traces up the outside of Brendon’s arm, sending shivers down Brendon’s spine.

In the blink of an eye, the gap between them is gone and Spencer presses his lips to Brendon’s. Brendon’s heart hammers in his chest, he can’t believe this is happening, but he doesn’t have time to savour the moment before Spencer pulls away, giggling. “Oops,” he hiccups. “I’m a little drunk, I think. Sorry, B, shouldn’t have done that.”

Brendon looks back at Spencer and brushes his fingers under Spencer’s jaw gently. “It’s okay,” he says, and leans back in. Spencer’s tongue laps at Brendon’s lips and Brendon shuffles a little closer, pressing their bodies together.

Spencer pushes Brendon back and looks at him curiously. “Spencer, please?” Brendon whispers.

“We shouldn’t - I - I'm sorry, we shouldn't have done that," Spencer bites out. Brendon's stomach falls so quickly he feels sick.

"Why not, Spence-?"

"Don't. I - I've got to go. That was - I don't feel that way about -"

Brendon watches helplessly as Spencer stumbles out of the room, into his bedroom and shuts the door with a loud bang. His heart clenches painfully inside his chest, full of mixed emotions. The whole situation spiralled down so fast Brendon could scarcely believe it happened at all. He touches his lips softly, as if that will bring back the sensation of Spencer's smooth lips pressed against his own.

What have I done? Brendon thinks. His head is still reeling hours later, and sleep does not come easily that night.

~*~

July 16

The next morning’s yoga practice doesn’t make Brendon feel any better. His head is no clearer and he hasn’t heard a peep from Spencer since the door shut behind him last night. He moves through his morning routine quickly, prepares two mugs of coffee like usual, and hopes that Spencer will at least talk to him this morning.

Brendon finishes his cup before Spencer emerges from his room half dressed, running a hand through his hair.

“Morning,” he says.

Brendon replies with a smile, “Hey.” He nudges the coffee over to Spencer’s side of the counter. Brendon could hear a pin drop in the conversational silence as Spencer gets out his cereal and a bowl.

“Um, hey, about last night,” Spencer starts awkwardly. “I…”

Brendon shrugs, turns away and puts his mug in the sink. “I was a bit drunk last night too,” Brendon lies. He only had two beers the whole night. He can’t face Spencer, can’t watch Spencer while Brendon lies to him, it’ll be written all over his face.

“We can laugh it off, yeah?” Spencer asks.

“Yeah, no that’s fine. It was just something silly, that’s all.”

“Awesome,” Spencer smiles. He leans over and kisses Brendon’s cheek, and then tucks back into his cereal.

“I’ve have to head off to work now. I’ve got a senior class to whip into shape.”

“Are you home tonight?”

“Yeah, but probably late again though. I’ve got tutoring.”

~*~

July 21

“Hey, you okay, Brendon?” Dallon asks during their lunch break. He whispers, so the rest of the gossiping faculty won’t overhear.

Brendon carefully chews and swallows his bite of sandwich. “Yeah, of course I am. Why wouldn’t I be?”

Dallon shrugs. “You just look a bit sad, that’s all. Is there anything on your mind?”

Brendon shakes his head. “Just boy trouble, it’s nothing.”

“Look, I know I’m probably not the best person to talk to about those kinds of things, but you know I’ll listen if there’s anything you need to get off your chest, okay?”

Brendon smiles. “Thanks Dallon.” It means a lot that Dallon asked, but Brendon won’t be telling him what’s on his mind any time soon. He just can’t make sense of anything.

~*~

July 29

Brendon rubs his eyes tiredly with the back of a hand. He worked late, had a few piano tutoring sessions with struggling students and finally tackled some marking until musical notes and staves ran together in a blur. He stumbles up the stairs, fumbles with the key in the lock and jars his shoulder when he crashes into the door on his way inside.

“Jesus, fuck! Oh my God,” Brendon claps a hand over his eyes.

Spencer laughs and groans but doesn’t stop.

Brendon rushes through the apartment, trying to keep his eyes glued to the floor but the image is burned into his brain, Spencer fucking, Spencer, pressing into a guy, bent double over Brendon’s posture seat, hands gripping Brendon’s desk, sending his work sliding out of their haphazard piles. He can’t un-see the sweat covering their bodies, the way Spencer’s hands grab at the guy’s shoulders, pulling him back into each thrust, Spencer’s head tossed in ecstasy, his hair matted to his forehead in stringy locks.

He dumps his box of papers on his bed and legs it back out of his own flat, leaving Spencer and his fuck of the night to their business.

He’s halfway down the street before he notices the prickle-pain of tears in the corner of his eyes.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, he thinks. Seeing Spencer with another guy hurts more than Brendon thought it would, but knowing that Spencer didn’t really care that Brendon saw him, somehow hurts even more. There’s a late-night coffee shop a few blocks away that he decides to head to for a few hours, maybe clear his head and drink his weight in tea. He wipes his eyes on his sleeve harshly.

He wanted that guy, that guy kneeling on the floor to be him.

It’s warm inside the shop and the lights are thankfully dimmed. Brendon slumps heavily into an armchair and spends several minutes staring blankly at the steam rising from his teacup before he shakes himself out of it. He reaches for his phone, debates texting Spencer but fuck if he knows what to say. He’s angry, upset, disappointed, devastated, he doesn’t really know.

Need help, who to call? Brendon thinks. He pulls out his phone scrolls through his contact list until he reaches to the right number and dials. Please pick up, please pick up.

“Hey you,” the voice says after only a few rings.

Relief floods Brendon’s body. “Hey Mikey, how’s things?”

“I’m good! You?”

“I- not great really. Do you have a minute to talk?”

Mikey usually does deadpan so well, but he laughs and the smile shows through his voice when he says, “For you, Brendon, I have several.”

It takes Brendon the better part of twenty minutes and three-quarters of his cup of tea to tell Mikey what’s been on his mind lately.

“Fuck, that asshole,” Mikey spits vehemently. “I’m in Washington, checking out some bands for the label right now, but I’ll be back in LA in a few days. Want some company?”

“I’d love some, Mikes,” Brendon sighs. “I don’t know what to do.”

Mikey makes a thoughtful noise. “Okay, here’s the plan.”

~*~

Brendon texts Spencer before he decides to go home and waits for the all-clear signal that his house guest is gone. Spencer looks appropriately sheepish when Brendon returns. He can hear Mikey’s voice in his head; he needs to know that fucking in front of you, and on your things, isn’t okay. Tell him that his constant hook-ups in your shared space have got to stop. It’s not fair on you, okay Bren?

“Sorry, we got a bit carried away.”

“I can see that.” Brendon becomes flustered, promptly forgetting everything Mikey told him. Spencer’s voice is playful and it reminds Brendon of how they used to poke fun at each other, make jokes, play video games. They haven’t done that for a while, and Brendon thinks that it’s probably his fault.

“I forgot when you’d be home.”

“Yeah.”

“It was kind of spur of the moment.”

“I’m in love with you.” The words are out before Brendon can stop them. “I have been for a long time.”

“I- B, I’m not.” Spencer looks pained.

“I know you’re not.” Brendon bites back tears. “I know you’re not in love with me, and I’m trying hard not to be in love with you, trying to move on, but… I can’t hide it anymore.” Brendon ducks his head and lets the tears fall.

~*~

July 30

When Brendon’s alarm goes off the next morning, he still hasn’t slept a wink. He’s on autopilot when he moves his yoga mat into the living room, clears the space in front of the TV and slides through some Sun Salutations. He loses himself in inhalations and exhalations, moving from one pose and into the next fluidly.

The strangling feeling of melancholy still hasn’t left him by the time he finishes his practice, but he feels at least a little more calm, more refreshed than he thought he’d feel and a little less like dying from exhaustion. He showers, dresses, puts the kettle on and eats an apple for breakfast and doesn’t notice Spencer emerge from his room and pause to watch Brendon’s routine thoughtfully for a minute before joining him in the kitchen.

“Hey,” Spencer greets softly.

Brendon nearly jumps out of his skin. “Jesus!” He recovers quickly and pushes a cup of coffee towards Spencer, almost as a peace offering.

“Thanks,” Spencer murmurs.

Brendon takes a deep breath. “Spence, I’m sorry about last night. My outburst was…inappropriate. I didn’t mean- I don’t want this to ruin our friendship.”

“You know I care about you a lot, right?” Spencer asks. Brendon can’t pick the emotion behind his words. “But Brendon, I’m sorry, I don’t love you that way. You’re a truly wonderful friend.”

Brendon swallows. “I know. I just…might need a bit of space, okay? I’m… confused, and hurt, and I need to figure out where to go from here.”

“I- sure. Whatever I can do to help you… Let me know. I don’t want to lose you.”

Spencer couldn’t know it, but his compassion was making it all the much harder for Brendon to break away.

~*~

August 5

Brendon deliberately works late for the next week, staying behind in the staff room long after all the other teachers have left. He powers through the marking of his sophomore classes compositions, bookmarks all of the textbook passages he needs to use for his junior’s lessons on syncopation and even gets a head start on next term’s assignments.

It’s a thin veil for avoiding spending any time alone with Spencer.

A text from Mikey breaks Brendon’s concentration. Come out with me tonight. See some bands, have a few drinks. I have something I want to run by you. xM

Before Brendon can reply that he’s busy, another text from Mikey arrives. You can’t work all the time.

You caught me, when and where? Brendon texts back.

If he was asked, Brendon couldn’t exactly be sure how he ended up here, with Mikey’s body pressing him up against the wall outside Brendon’s apartment.

"Time to make him jealous?" Mikey asks, smoothing his fingers over the lapel of Brendon's blazer.

Brendon answers without hesitation. "Absolutely."

“I have the best plans,” Mikey tells Brendon’s lips.

“And you’re modest too.”

There's pure heat and mischief in Mikey's eyes as he pulls Brendon in for a steaming hot kiss. Brendon's hands come up to frame Mikey's jutting hips and make small circles over the warm skin. Mikey smiles into the kiss and starts pushing Brendon backward. They clatter into the door and kiss against it for several moments before Brendon digs his keys out of his pocket. It takes a few goes for him to slide the key into the lock when Mikey is valiantly trying to distract him by nibbling softly at his neck.

Mikey keeps pushing him through, as Brendon opens the door. Brendon briefly spots that Spencer has company, another tall, dark-haired man, but Mikey doesn’t let him stop to look. He seizes Brendon’s lips in a kiss again and makes him groan. They back into Brendon’s room and kick the door closed, frantically pulling at each other’s clothes.

Brendon stumbles a little as he tries to toe off his Converse but Mikey catches him and laughs into their bumpy kiss.

"Careful," Mikey grins and nips at Brendon's full lower lip.

Mikey makes quick work of stripping Brendon and himself naked, pushes Brendon back onto the bed and quickly moves to straddle him. Brendon thought he might be nervous, or shy about seeing a good friend intimately, but mostly, Brendon just wants to fuck someone he knows well. He wants to feel Mikey between his thighs, feel Mikey press deep inside and coax uncontrollable shivers of pleasure from his body. He feels excitement race through his nerve endings.

“Fuck, it’s been so long,” Brendon laughs in between kisses. “I think there might be cobwebs.”

Their chests are pressed together tightly. Mikey can feel his heart thumping against his ribcage. He rocks his hips against Brendon’s taut belly almost unconsciously. He nips at Brendon’s throat and starts shuffling his way down Brendon’s body, kissing and nibbling as he goes.

“Let me check for you,” Mikey replies cheekily, looking up at Brendon through his eyelashes. He slides between Brendon’s legs, hooks his hands underneath Brendon’s thighs and pulls them outwards, spreading Brendon wide. “Looks okay from here.”

Brendon jerks and gasps in surprise as Mikey’s tongue swipes over his hole. He keens, again and again as Mikey rims him thoroughly, alternating licking deep inside with little flicks around his hole’s sensitive rim.

“Fuck!”

Brendon briefly hears the noises of Spencer and his plus one for the night, but when Mikey sucks on a finger and before sliding it into Brendon’s ass, Brendon can’t focus on anything else. Mikey’s long fingers crook inside Brendon’s body, drawing helpless, needy moans from his chest.

“Please, please fuck, I want you.” He tugs on Mikey’s hair and pulls him into a desperate kiss.

Mikey preps Brendon efficiently, rolls on a condom and lines up, kneeling between Brendon’s spread legs.

The feeling of Mikey pushing into him takes Brendon’s breath away. His toes curl and he arches his back, trying in vain to fuck himself further onto Mikey’s cock.

Mikey doesn’t ask if Brendon is ready before he starts to move, slow drags in and out, gaining gradually in speed and intensity. Brendon loses himself in sensation. He can’t contain his noises as Mikey thrusts, harder and harder against his sweet spot. Mikey’s hands hold Brendon’s thighs back, giving him full access to Brendon’s tight little hole as Mikey watches himself fuck in and out. One of Brendon’s hands braces hard against the headboard while the other grasps his cock firmly.

“Fuck, harder!” Mikey groans and shoves his hips forward a little more, watching Brendon writhe in mindless desperation on his cock.

“Fuck, you’re gorgeous,” Mikey groans. “I’m so close.”

“Come on me,” Brendon demands. “Want to see you.”

Mikey pulls out, quickly strips off the condom, gives his cock a few hard strokes and suddenly he arches in release, and he’s coming in ribbons over Brendon’s cock, slicking the way for Brendon to push himself over the edge as well.

Mikey braces himself on shaking arms. “Well, fuck,” he laughs.

“Jesus,” Brendon agrees. His legs are quivering and the pool of come on his belly is starting to slide off the side. “God, I needed that so fucking bad.”

“I hope he heard,” Mikey snickers, not unkindly. “Round two?” he suggests.

Brendon surges forward and uses his momentum to flip their positions and land Mikey on his back. “You bet.”

~*~

August 6

Mikey pads into the kitchen, deliberately shirtless. Spencer is already there, having shown out his bed guest only fifteen minutes before, and tries not to glare too obviously. Spencer eyes Mikey carefully over his mug, cataloguing the finger-shaped bruises splattered along Mikey's hips and several dark marks snaking up Mikey’s lean chest.

“Morning,” Mikey says, reaching for two more mugs in the cupboard next to the fridge. Spencer can’t remember the last time that Mikey was in this apartment, let alone figure out how Mikey knew where to find the mugs. Spencer feels a mild, yet irrational irritation build, but shrugs off his annoyance quickly and masks it with a question.

“I thought you didn’t speak before you’ve had your first cup of coffee.”

A tiny smirk pulls at Mikey’s lips. “Reports of my coffee habit have been greatly exaggerated, I fear.” Mikey’s monotone gives away no hint of emotion. Spencer can’t tell whether he’s joking. Spencer watches Mikey as he fills and reheats the kettle, spoons some coffee granules into each mug and dips the same spoon into the sugar bowl. Spencer flinches, Mikey doesn’t notice. Spencer will have to dig out the coffee grains left in the sugar bowl later.

Spencer takes another sip of his coffee. “Sounds like you and Brendon had fun last night,” Spencer says. It comes out a little harsher than he’d hoped but Mikey doesn’t seem to notice, -or if he does- he doesn’t seem to care.

“We did. He’s quite something.”

“He definitely is,” Spencer murmurs. Spencer doubts they’re talking about the same thing.

“Brendon has such a big heart, I’d hate for you to do nothing but watch it shatter in your hand.”

“Excuse me?”

“He hasn’t stopped loving you. He came to me, because he was desperate for someone to connect with, but it’s not me that he wants to be with, even for one night. You haven’t been listening to him, Spencer. You see him, but you sure as hell don’t see what he needs.”

“Don’t you think it’s a bit rich of you, spending one night in my apartment and then lecturing me about my best friend?”

“You can’t tell him he needs to get laid, reject him, rub it in his face and then get jealous when he finally does sleep with someone that’s not you.” Mikey’s face is completely calm. “Either, tell him that he has no chance with you, cut the cord and leave him, or open your eyes Spencer. He’s been waiting for you for so long. As much as I dislike you for being a dick right now, you’re good together. You would be.”

“I don’t feel that way about him.”

Mikey is silent as he pours boiling water into each mug, tops it with milk and gives them a stir. He looks back up at Spencer, and Spencer feels as if Mikey’s staring right through him. “Really?” he asks.

~*~

August 27

Spencer hates that Mikey’s right.

He hates that Mikey can see the way that Spencer mellows out Brendon’s silliness, and the way that Brendon eases Spencer out of his neuroses, when he becomes too wrapped up in the tiny details of his work.

It’s always been Spencer and Brendon, Brendon and Spencer.

Fuck, Spencer thinks to himself. Fuck, what have I done?

He hasn’t seen Brendon’s famous grin for a while now. He hasn’t watched him play and sing Muse on the piano. Spencer frowns when he realises that he hasn’t seen Brendon play guitar for weeks; something that Spencer could always count on, on the weekends when they went surfing together, Brendon would play Sublime, and Spencer would drum his hands on his legs.

None of the guys he slept with ever held so much as a flicker to Brendon’s flame.

Oh fuck, what am I going to do now, I’ve ruined everything.

~*~

September 10

Spencer mulls things over for weeks, watches Brendon retreat further into himself, but still he doesn’t know what he could possibly say to make things better, to make Brendon believe what Spencer really feels.

He decides it’s best just to come out with it, to spread his heart on the line, like Brendon did for him.

"So, it comes to my attention that I've kind of been an asshole lately," Spencer says.

"Really," Brendon sighs as he turns around, poking the spatula through his stir-fry roughly as if he can vent his frustration through jabbing vegetables a little too harshly, and making a few florets of broccoli tumble out of the pan. Brendon tosses them back in quickly.

Spencer reaches out and brushes his hand over Brendon's shoulder, "B, listen to me."

Brendon turns around. "I've done nothing but listen to you, Spencer. I listened, every time you told me you ‘cared’ about me, and then left me alone while you hooked up with someone else. I listened, every time you had stories about the guys you fucked, every time you had something on your chest, every time you ever wanted to talk, I was here. We’ve done so much in our lives together, Spencer, but I won’t apologise for falling in love with you, not after everything we’ve been through.”

“Your strength, your resilience, that was what attracted me to you but B, you have the most gorgeous smile, the most beautiful, natural warmth that I can’t imagine living without anymore.” Spencer twists his hands together. “I was so blind. I fucked so many other guys that I got caught up in the motion, avoiding dealing with the feelings I had for you, and I didn’t see how much I was hurting you.”

“Feelings? What are you-”

“It sounds so cliché, but – I really like you, Brendon, - I”

"How on earth am I supposed to believe you, Spencer?" Brendon cuts him off exasperatedly. "How do I know that I'm not going to turn out to be just another one of your games, your toys that you pick up, use and toss out the door when you're done with them?"

"Brendon," Spencer whispers. He cups Brendon's jaw in his hands softly and smooths his thumbs over the slight stubble on Brendon's cheeks. "I've been an ass, I've abused your friendship, your care and affection, and I want to right those wrongs."

Brendon takes a step back, putting some distance between himself and Spencer. “I’m not something you can just fix, and have everything magically just go back to the way it was before.”

“I don’t want things the way they were before.” Spencer pauses. “I want the chance to fall in love with you too.”

“But-”

Spencer cuts him off with a sudden kiss, a hard press of lips together. Brendon kisses back. He can’t help the desperation that makes him clutch at Spencer’s shoulders to pull him closer and then push him away.

“I know you feel this, what we have.”

“I can’t – Spencer, I can’t. I can’t feel this way about you, and not have you feel the same way.”

“Please, give me another chance.” Spencer is begging now, tears welling in the bottom of his eyes. “I won’t leave you.”

Brendon looks up at Spencer, his emotions clear and open on his face. Spencer’s crystalline eyes shine bright. “Please,” Spencer whispers.

Brendon steps forward and slides his arms around Spencer’s neck. “You’re an ass, Spencer Smith, but an ass that I still love.”

“A monumental ass,” Spencer agrees with a watery smile. “I really want to fall in love with you, Brendon Urie.”

“I won’t give up on you,” Brendon murmurs. He presses himself against Spencer’s chest and hugs him close. Spencer’s arms wrap around Brendon to hold him tight. “No more guys, though.”

“No more.”

“And no more flirting.”

“No more flirting with anyone that’s not you,” Spencer amends.

“And no complaining about The Bodyguard.”

“Oh, what am I getting myself into,” Spencer smiles. He kisses the top of Brendon’s head affectionately. “We’ve got so much talking to do.”

Brendon tilts his head up. “Later,” he says, and kisses Spencer again.

Artwork for Verucasalt123's Mpreg Big Bang

a_dreamwithin — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 14:13:16 GMT

My first foray into drawing for the Buffy/Angel verse! I loved the relationship growing between Spike and Wesley, and Spike's hilarious stream of conciousness throughout verucasalt123's whole fic. This art is probably NSFW! (Naked bodies involved, although you don't actually see anything graphic)

I've played around a little with contrast settings, but apart from that the drawing hasn't been touched up at all. Comments and con-crit are loved and welcomed :)

Artwork for Stjra's Mpreg Big Bang

a_dreamwithin — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 13:57:33 GMT

I loved the intimate feel of this scene in stjra's Jared Padalecki/Jensen Ackles mpreg big bang so I hope my artwork does it justice :)

The first is the original version, and the second is the result after I played around with the contrast settings to get a picture that was a bit sharper.

Comments and con-crit are loved and welcomed.

Artwork for Lizibabes LBB

a_dreamwithin — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 12:27:51 GMT

My artwork for lizibabes lambliffbigbang
I really wanted to focus on Tommy's vulnerability in Lizi's fic, so I've concentrated mainly on his figure. Tommy's hands: Hand drawn and then inverted :) Brad and Tommy: This was my first major attempt at colouring a hand-drawing in photoshop :S I chose to keep in the messy outlines and keep the shapes a little rough. Comments and con-crit are always welcome :)

Art Post for susysunflower's CBB

a_dreamwithin — Mon, 02 May 2011 20:39:28 GMT

Art! for susysunflower's Silly Menage a Troiscockbertbigbang

Susy's fic was all kinds of crazy and adorable... so this is my attempt at crazy and adorable(ish?) Done in Japanese calligraphy pens.

bleh! exhaustment!

a_dreamwithin — Sun, 20 Mar 2011 11:55:00 GMT

Long time, no post. I can't even begin to articulate how up and down and all around the last few weeks have been so until then: meme from mmonroebpd

1. 5 things you can see without getting up: My phone, billsbillsbills, a pink highlighter, a book: Breath by Tim Winton and a cd: The Experiment by Art vs. Science.

2. Cake or pie? Caaaake. mmm yum

3. Favorite method for relaxing and forgetting your troubles. Listening to music by myself or reading. There's a particular rocky outcrop I like to go to and sit and overlook the valley and national park, particularly good for some serious introspection.

4. Latest obsession? Reading the entire Slave Breakers series. PERFECTION ON LJ I TELL YOU!

5. What do you hear right now? (Unfortunately) the rain just stopped, so I can hear my dad watching the car racing on TV.

6. Who was the last person you hugged? My best girl friend and her boyfriend as I was saying goodbye this afternoon :)

7. What is/was for dinner? Home-made hamburgers. yuuuummy!

8. What did you do yesterday? Fucking nothing, and it was glorious :) I slept in, did a bit of tidying, listened to music, watched some TV and chilled the fuck out. Hurray.

9. Dog person or cat person? Definitely a dog person, but I'm not opposed to cats. They're cute. But I have three dogs at home and I love them more ^.^

10. What's the farthest you've ever traveled? Vancouver, Canada.

11. What was the last thing that you bought? A tall caramel latte at Gloria Jeans while listening to my fucking ADORABLE dancing friend tell me about how he was planning to come out to his parents. I'm so fucking proud of him, it's ridiculous.

12. If you could afford to go anywhere in the world, where would you go? Aaaall over Europe, since I've never been there before. Ireland, Scotland, Finland (and all the other countries ending in -land), Norway, Denmark, Italy GOD I want to go to Italy too *dreams*

13. Where do you see yourself in five years? Hopefully working or traveling overseas and having an absolute ball! Or if I'm still here, I'd like to be having a ball too.

14. Favorite album? Now that's a dangerous question. I'll take too long because I have too many. Some: Hybrid Theory by Linkin Park would probably be my longest fave. For Your Entertainment by Adam Lambert. Howl by Empires. We Are Born by Sia. Saosin by Saosin.

15. What are you doing this weekend? *sob* It's almost over! It's Sunday night, no plans but I'm on call... so no plans :(

16. If you could play any musical instrument, which one would you play? Bass. Or really, I'd like to be multi-talented and play them ALL.

17. What place(s) have you visited that you could happily keep going back to? JapanJapanJapan! Although right now, probably not such a good idea, you know?

Art Post for Minxie's Souls In Growth LBB

a_dreamwithin — Sun, 13 Feb 2011 01:19:02 GMT

This is the art I created for the_minx_17 's Lambliff Big Bang 2011 called Souls In Growth.

HUGE thanks to Minxie for putting up with me and cheerleading when I took forever to get things done properly. I hope you like the end result :)

You can read her amazing fic here

Pencil with a watercolour filter overlay

Japanese Calligraphy pens

Pencil with a watercolour filter overlay

Comments and con-crit are always welcome :)

Tokyo

a_dreamwithin — Sun, 09 Jan 2011 12:14:22 GMT

I think I've fallen in love with a city and it's transportation system.

... not to mention the shopping. I've had only 2 and a bit days in Tokyo so far and it's been incredible! I loved Shibuya crossing today, the flood of people over the city streets is just fascinating.

/blitz post!

Be Good To Me

a_dreamwithin — Sat, 25 Dec 2010 11:52:27 GMT

Title: Be Good To Me
Creator: a_dreamwithin
Giftee: glitter_vampire for the gay_xmas_elves exchange!
Characters/Pairings: Adam/Tommy
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: sexual content! D/s
Word Count: 1,062
Anything Else? Happy holidays, bb! I’m sorry this is so short but I hope you like it :) A simple series of short vignettes looking into Adam and Tommy’s switch D/s relationship where both they need very different things from each other, threaded together with a common thread of love and affection.

Tommy throws his head back and screams. His legs, crossed high over Adam’s back shake violently in desperation. Every inch of his body is wired, electric and crying out for the release that Adam denies him. Tommy’s hands are locked firmly to the cross bar of the headboard, stretched out above him with tension coiled inside his muscles. Every thrust brushes over Tommy’s prostate. Tommy can hear his blood rushing through his veins and pounding loudly in his ears. Their bodies slide together through the sheen of sweat that coats them.

The cock ring locked tightly around the base of Tommy’s dick hurts, hurts, hurts. He needs to come, needs to take the pressure off. He screams again as bursts of pain and pleasure spike through his helplessly bound body.

“Please!” he cries, but Adam ignores him, won’t even look at him. He’s just a vessel, Adam will use him how he wants to and Tommy will take it all, every iota of scorching heat and pain and it feels so fucking good. Tommy’s head is ripped from his body, all he can think and feel and breathe is moreAdammore.

Adam strokes Tommy’s hair softly, cradling his love’s head into his chest. Tommy is boneless in their embrace, draped half over Adam, pressed up into the warmth and comfort of Adam’s body. Adam can feel Tommy’s breath in short little gasps, hitching every so often. Even though Tommy’s eyes are closed, Adam can see they’re ringed in red from where Tommy’s tears had spilled down his face, no matter how many times Tommy tried to squeeze his eyes shut and hold them back.

The marks have mostly faded from Tommy’s back, leaving barely a trace of the quick whipping Adam had given him. Adam had been pleased with how well the single-tail had marked Tommy, bright red, angry lines flaring over his back in a simple criss-cross pattern. These short bursts of pain were just a warm-up for Tommy, though. Each stroke of the whip and thwack of the strap bled a little more tension out of Tommy until he was limp and nearly unable to stand through the haze of pain, adrenaline and endorphins.

“I’m so proud of you, my sweetness,” Adam murmurs, lifting a section of blonde hair away from Tommy’s face and tucking it behind his ear. Tommy shifts against him slightly. They’re pressed together so tightly that Adam can feel when Tommy winces in pain when he moves. Tommy’s right arm winds a little closer around Adam’s torso as if he’s single-handedly trying to fuse their bodies and settle into Adam’s skin.

“I did ‘kay?” Tommy asks, his words slurring together, his eyes fluttering open tiredly. They’re still a little glassy but Adam can see the question behind Tommy’s gaze, and his desperate need for him to know that he’s done well.

Adam runs his hand down Tommy’s spine and brushes lightly over the back of Tommy’s bare thighs. The skin is raw and tender, still flushed vividly red and white and starting to bruise in several places. Adam bends in half and presses a kiss to the top of Tommy’s head. “You did more than I could ever imagine, baby. You took so much. I’m so proud of you,” he repeats.

A little smile crosses Tommy’s face before he burrows his face deeper into Adam’s chest. “Love you. Thank you.”

Tommy’s lips ghost over the freckled skin of Adam’s calves. The muscles twitch, no doubt it tickles and Adam makes like he’s trying to pull his leg away. Tommy’s hand comes down hard on his leg and digs in a little, halting all movement.

Tommy raises an eyebrow up at Adam. “You do that one more time and you’re going to find out what happens when I’m not pleased with you.” Adam breathes in deeply, exhales and relaxes, letting his breath hiss through his teeth. “That’s better.”

Tommy presses his lips back to the inside of Adam’s knees and continues his slow journey north, kissing, licking, sucking over every visible section of soft skin. His eyes are trained firmly on Adam, watching as he shakes, slowly relaxes and breathes out the tension with every exhalation.

He watches and notices the change as Adam stops letting his head toss around the whirlwind of thoughts that has him so wound up, things he has to do, things he has to say, things he has to organise, decisions he has to make and starts letting himself feel just what Tommy’s giving him. Little sighs leave his mouth each time Tommy changes position, pauses to pay closer attention to a particularly sensitive spot and nibbles delicately at the raised angles at his joints. Every movement Tommy makes is slow, careful and deliberate.

He gasps softly as Tommy brushes over sensitive skin on his inner thighs and licks at the crease of Adam’s ass. Each swipe of Tommy’s tongue feels electric, sending shivers up Adam’s spine. Adam’s hands are limp by his sides, still placed exactly where Tommy left them. Tommy slides his hands into Adam’s palms and interlaces their fingers, giving Adam a point of contact that anchors his feelings to Tommy’s actions.

Tommy hushes Adam quietly as desperate little noises begin to bubble up in Adam’s throat. He licks at Adam’s most intimate place softly, letting his tongue flick across Adam’s hole several times until Adam softens and goes pliant in his embrace, letting Tommy take care of him, and lather him in attention and discipline masked by affection, just for the night.

Afterwards Tommy has Adam curled in his arms. Adam is quiet, so quiet that he could almost be asleep. Tommy never asks him to speak after scenes like these, just lets him curl up and breathe.

Adam shifts slightly and raises his head to look up at Tommy. His eyes stand out, bright blue and clear. Earlier Tommy had carefully wiped the remnants of eyeliner from his lids and cleaned the layers of foundation from his skin leaving Adam bare underneath his freckles and now, laying in Tommy’s embrace he finally feels like he can let his guard dissolve completely.

“C’mere,” Tommy whispers, lifting Adam’s chin a little higher. He kisses Adam softly, moving his lips gently and coaxing his love into simple open mouthed kisses. “Sleep, baby. Let me take care of you.”

iz still brain ded

a_dreamwithin — Fri, 22 Oct 2010 13:01:04 GMT

my life is now complete.

Okay, so Wednesday night I went to see Adam motherfucking Lambert. I went with my best friend's brother who is pretty much the most faily, adorable gay man ever. And Jewish, which makes things all the more hilarious and becomes relevant later. (we had a blast, but you know, I'll tell the whole story, from the beginning with way too much tl;dr)

Took me forever to get ready, J and I were texting bach and forth, both having just as much trouble deciding what to wear. He said he couldn't decide on an appropriate level of camp, the silly bean! I replied that more is more. I ended up deciding on my black and red skull jeans that I'd repaired the stitching on earlier, and a black top with a cut-out half-moon between my shoulder blades and lace paneling at the sides.

I was pretty happy with my makeup though (that was the easy bit!), simple black liquid eyeliner on the top with loads of mascara and just a dash of electric green eyeshadow in the outer corner of my eye, lightly blushed cheeks and glossy lips. And my beaded, feathered black headband :) I'll need to remind myself later to re-dye my hair. By the time I'd figured out what to wear I was running pretty late.

I think I checked I had the tickets in my purse about a dozen times before I stuffed it into my tiny Winnie the Pooh backpack, along with my keys, phone, deodorant, half-cardigan, mints and mp3 player. Got a few odd looks on the train and stared at by the train conductor when I had to ask what platform I had to be on for the Inner West line. Slightly creepy but mostly flattering seeing as that doesn't happen very often.

Met J at a coffee/pizza shop right on Enmore Rd, near the theatre to sit down and chill out for a while. J was happily people-watching the queue in front of us, cooing over a few of the hot guys in line. I appreciated :) We both especially liked the guy brave enough to rock a purple glitter sequined cardigan and huge black rimmed glasses without a hint of irony.

We finally decided to amble in to the theatre about 20 to 8 when the concert was to start at 8. I think it started shortly after that, which is pretty good considering how often shows start heaps late... J's knowledge of current pop music is amusing. He knows the songs but gets the titles and artists hilariously wrong. "Katy Perry?" "...no, honey, that's Gwen Stefani."

The opening act, Morgan Joanel was surprisingly good. She consisted of an acoustic guitar (called Penny Lane), a tambourine and a pedal board (called Jimmy? i think) which she used to loop herself over. Girl has some serious talent! Powerful set of pipes and decent songwriting skills. While she was soundchecking she said Adam wandered over and told her she should play the Katy Perry 'I Kissed a Girl' cover that she was practicing. And of course, what Adam Lambert says, goes. It was a really enjoyable cover. She also played a cover of a Rihanna song that I can't remember the name of. Please Don't Stop the Music, maybe?

J and I ditched our place about halfway back in the theatre, towards Tommy's side to go to the bathroom. Some other girls and I sighed over the line in the mens never being as long as the ladies loo. Alas. On the way back J bought an overpriced container of Pringles and I uhmm-d and aahh-d about buying a $90 green-and-black Adam hoodie. I bought it :) J offers me Pringles, scowls when I take only one and keeps scowling until I take another. I think he's taken it upon himself to make me eat more whenever he's around. It's one of the hilariously Jewish things that I love about him. He raised eyebrows at me until I took more briskett at Rosh Hashanah...

We were a little further back on the floor when we went back inside the theatre, but since the floor sloped downwards a little, we still had a pretty uninterrupted view. Well, I think he did at least. He's taller than me. Everyone is fucking taller than me. FML. I don't usually mind being a shortass until it hampers my viewing at concerts. I may have shown off my inner (or outer) nutcase as I sang along to the entirety of Michael Jackson's 'Beat It'. I love that song.

I haven't trawled through the entire back catalogue of Adam's Glamnation performances so it was a REALLY DAMN PLEASANT surprise when Lady Gaga's 'Bad Romace' bled into the band's intro. FUCK YES! ADAM LAMBERT WAS ON STAGE! HE'S REAL! IN THE FLESH! Voodoo instantly became even sexier than it is on CD. Holy fuck, this was only the first of several nearly-melting experiences to be had for the night. Adam totally killed it. His voice filled the whole theatre and he just oozed sex. Perhaps several people became pregnant instantly. Ovary explosions etc. etc. [Hopefully not in the same person because that would end messily]. I never thought I would actually like his giant purple coat, but somehow he made it werkkk! He seemed to have a couple of issues through Voodoo, because he dashed over to the sound guy quickly. Not that you could tell at all though. He was doing crazy vocal acrobatics left right and centre and KILLING THEM ALL DED. Hot shit he let loose! I believe a twitter!person used the words 'WAILING LIKE I'VE NEVER HEARD' in Ring of Fire. This would be an accurate description with a dash of awesome thrown in over the top.

I got really excited when Fever came up in the setlist BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT HAPPENS HERE BITCHES. J, was ignorantly unaware, until he wasn't anymore. Adam seriously licked Tommy's chin and gave him the filthiest kiss I have ever seen him give on stage. J commented that Tommy was really cute, and did a double take when I told him that I'd have more luck than he would, considering he's straight. Lol's ensued :) Fever was so hot I think I was wearing too many clothes...

Lighting fast costume change (I can't remember if a dancers interlude went here? I think it did. If so, it was damn fucking gorgeous and my love for Taylor grew exponentially... The poor child needs to smile more though!) and Adam's in my very favourite costume. Fuck-me laceup pants and loooong jacket that makes his legs look like nomnomnom!

Dancer's interlude is beautiful. Nuff said. The acoustic set was breathtaking. So fucking beautiful. Adam's voice was perfect. Sleepwalker was one of my standout favourites on the album, and while the youtube vids were good, nothing compared to actually seeing him sitting on a stool, pouring his heart into a microphone and straight into your soul. AMAZING vocal acrobatics and soaring notes at the end. He giggled a little at himself and said something along the lines of "sorry, got a little carried away there."

nobody at all minded, okay? pls, keep doing this forever.

He gave a little spiel about love and lovers and sometimes just knowing how to ask the right questions. Which leads into Whataya Want From Me. It was sped up again but he held some beautiful notes and just... ugh, my heart. Please, take all of my arteries. I don't need them anymore. PEOPLE WERE BLISSFULLY SILENT during Soaked, only cheering at appropriate moments. Except for one random guy screaming "I love you, Adam!" But we'll move right along and ignore his blip on the radar. Adam was wearing shoes, moment of pout there. Only a moment though.

At the end of Aftermath, people started throwing things on stage, glowsticks etc. and what looked like a golden wig? Adam laughed and told us to "stop throwing shit onstage! I have dancers. You throw things at us and we think you don't like us anymore!" Oh boy. You're too adorable.

Sure Fire Winners was electric. It's one of J's favourites so after the concert it's all he could hum. And somehow, even though it's one of my favourites, I've managed to miss watching all the Strut videos that were ever filmed. My bad? I heart-eyed at Terrance giving Adam his cane and tail-coat. Yumm, is all I can say without my brain turning to mush yet again. I haven't re-watched videos of it, but I'm reasonably sure my memory believes that Adam grabs Tommy's neck and hangs on in Music Again. I briefly think that we might get another kiss, but kisses come later! I also think that this move must be something Adam does in bed, especially since it's becoming more and more prominent in the show and he seems to take such pleasure in being a toppy bitch THE WHOLE TIME.

Adam says he's thinking about doing something that he's only done once in the US, but he thinks he could do it again. I promptly CROSS MY DAMN FINGERS AND PRAY HE'S GOING TONGUEDIVING. J and I are nowhere at all near the front, we can't even see who IS at the front but oh well. I fill J in on what's going on and he laughs. Adam puts his hands on his hips like the HBIC that he is and contemplates whether he's a cocktease while he tries to pick out a boy. I think the answer is a pretty resounding YES, YES HE IS. He seems utterly delighted when he finds the right boy, mashes faces for a good couple of seconds and hops back up. He asks whether anyone is offended... please boy! PLEASE! Moar.

Band intros, Tommy's bass solo does ~things to me. From where I stood it looked like he briefly stuck his ass out for Adam to smack on his way back to his corner of the stage. Videos seem to suggest otherwise? But I know what I saw ;) Monte's solo could have melted your face off, as did Isaac. Boy is crazy awesome on the drums! J laughed at him being typical drummer with jeans that didn't reach to his ankles and a lack of shirt. Not that he was complaining, of course. I commented that I wished we could have heard Cam at a few other points in the concert, rather than just Soaked and her intro. She's majorly talented and people neeeeed to hear!

Somehow the little spiel he does before the start of If I Had You is even more endearing. So much hip shaking and shimmying. Sex and sexy seems to be a recurring theme, no? :) Then he dives back into the crowd for some more tongue shenanigans. BDP later informs me that the boy he was looking for, and was denied by, was Matthew Mitcham. Nevermind though, Adam says he doesn't want to force himself on anyone and pashes someone else. Hops back up with sex hair that could be seen from space and he just... looks thoroughly debauched. His hair doesn't recover.

Dancers intro was incredible as always. Terrance's booty pop, Sasha's slinky sexiness, Taylor's quirky hiphop I LOVE IT. Brooke is just effortlessly graceful and hot. I think all my eloquence has gone out the window. There were cute Terrance/Tommy moments where they giggled at each other and bumped fists. The whole song really embodied what Adam's Glam Nation show is all about, love, friends, sexuality (whatever it may be) and FUN. The crowd was so diverse, boys, girls, gays, straights, undiscloseds, some kids and parents! There was a woman standing near us, in probably her 60's singing along to every word. There was singing, dancing, gyrating (from the crowd and, you know, Adam :P) and it was an absolute fucking party.

If the show had ended here I could die really, really happy.

but!

Encoreee! He totally didn't even make us wait that long :) Long enough for Tommy to put lipstick on and come back out. I totally forgot about the intro for 20th Century Boy, so there was a fleeting thought in my head that we might be getting Whole Lotta Love, even though it usually comes up earlier in the show? But no, considering how ELECTRIC the show was, he gave us 20CB. SO MUCH SQUEE HOT DAMN. Boy went crazy! With all the floor writhing, mic jacking and hopping up behind Cam's keyboards to grab her hair and lick her neck. I missed that bit, but the internet gifs did not! I think I may have left a few melty-bits of myself on the Enmore Theatre floor.

cannot properly describe how fucking amazing that gig was!

J and I managed to wipe our jaws off the floor, catch our breath (so much dancing!) and make our way towards the exit when lights came back up. The concert seemed like it ZIPPED BY, when in actual fact it was over an hour and a half long. Yikes. Adam Lambert must also possess quantum mechanical skills as well as sex appeal. Hmm. We collected our tickets back from the ushers with some serious fucking stars in our eyes and wandered over for a drink at a nearby cafe to rehash the AWESOME that went down. We cooed over stripper heels (of which he says he needs a pair. HEART EYES!) and coffee beans and Adam's stage antics.

The only problem with my hoodie? It zips up American/boy style, with the zipper/catcher on the right side. My poor leftie brain has to think about it before I zip it up. Does this problem afflict other people also, or is it just me?

I may have left some things out somewhere along the line, but my brain is seriously fried.

Dancers. Amazing. Adam. Amazing. Band. AMAZING. SO MUCH AMAZING, GLITTER, SEX, DANCE AND ROCK AND FUCKING ROLL.

i'll be over here, ded now k :)

also, i took photos on my phone, but there's no zoom so they're crap, and i can't find the cord that connects my phone to the computer :( lamesauce.

wotcherrrr

a_dreamwithin — Fri, 08 Oct 2010 12:26:04 GMT

Okay, so, I lied.

I didn't end up going out dancing. I nearly had my outfit together, and then I decided that I didn't really want to go. So I'm sitting here with a decaf cappuccino with a dash (or two) of Baileys in it instead.

Trying to chill out. But it's not really working, and I'm not sure why.

Maybe I'm lonely? Probably.

shinyness

a_dreamwithin — Fri, 08 Oct 2010 10:03:40 GMT

I've had a couple of days off work recently, and this afternoon I went out and about, and was reminded of how much I actually love Sydney.

I decided to catch the train to Circular Quay, get the ferry to Watson's Bay and climb up some rocks there to do some writing. The last time I was at Watson's Bay years and years ago I remember Mum and I doing one of the several walks around the area that have beautiful views of the Harbour. In the end I left home a bit later than I should have, and found that I wouldn't have much time at Watson's Bay before the last ferry left, so I caught the ferry to Rose Bay instead.

I got to lay around in the sun, listen to Silverchair and start work on the lambliffbigbang that I signed up for. [related note, if anyone can help me out with an Anne Rice-esque Lambliff fic I will love you forever and ever, or more than I already do :) ] I got to wander up to a tiny set of old-style general stores, order an iced coffee and nom on some really yummy strawberries that I brought with me. It was so nice to just do something for me, and to not have to rush through my day, or even think at all about the horror week at work that I had been having. I'm thinking that I will head over to Watson's Bay on my day off on Monday instead.

I've decided to turn my weekend that had previously been filled with a whole lot of nothing when my plans fell through, to something EXCITING. I'm going out (maybe) drinking and dancing with some friends tonight, going to drive up to Newcastle and go to circus tomorrow. Then perhaps I'll wander around Newcastle, catch up with some friends and either find someone's couch to surf or drive back home. Monday shall be for Watson's Bay, and then Tuesday I go back to work.

What's new with everyone else? :)

a brief catch up maybe?

a_dreamwithin — Thu, 23 Sep 2010 13:00:42 GMT

I muchos dislike working so much :( I've been single for nearly two months now and I haven't even been able to go out, drink and dance the night away because I'm always rostered on. Damn it.

Soon though, I'll have a week off and I'll day trip out to Watson Bay, feed seagulls, listen to music and CHILL. Waaaahayy :D I'm going to the beach this weekend too, so hopefully one of my friends can teach me to surf :D

Also, I'm eyeing tickets on ebay to go and see Adam Lambert in October. MEGA YAY!

So I think I haven't done one of these in a while? Taken from sharpisignature. Here, have a meme.

1. What curse word do you use the most?
Damn it.

2. Do you own an iPod?
Nooo! I have a Creative Zen :) iTunes is an evil, evil program!

3. What person on your flist do you talk to the most?
Uhm, that's a pretty good question.

4. What time is your alarm clock set to?
It depends on what shift I'm on at work! It's usually 6am. Though tomorrow I'm on the afternoon shift so I get to sleep in ^.^

5. Do you still remember the first person you kissed?
I do.

6. Do you remember where you were on 11/9/01?
Asleep. Seeing as, you know, it was about 7am in Australia when it happened. Mum woke us up to tell us to come look at what happened :(

7. Would you rather take the picture or be in the picture?
Usually take. I don't think I'm particularly photogenic!

8. What was the last movie you watched?
Oh wow, I don't think I can actually remember... It's been ages since I've watched a movie. I think it might have been Star Trek?

9. Do any of your friends have children?
A few.

10. Has anyone ever called you lazy?
In a jokey way probably! I hope...

11. Do you ever take medication to help you fall asleep?
Nup. I'm usually out pretty quickly. My body and I love sleep.

12. What cd is currently in your cd player?
The Quilt by Gym Class Heroes

13. Do you prefer regular or chocolate milk?
Oh don't make me choose! I love milk :)

14. Has anyone told you a secret this week?
Sooort of? Actually the thing that would have been most 'secret' I was told at Rosh Hashanah the other week. That was fun ;)

15. When was the last time you had Starbucks?
Yesterdaaay! Yum!

16. Can you whistle?
Yes but not very well!

17. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
Uhm, hair :) Probably hair, haha.

18. What are you looking forward to?
Hopefully going to see Adam Lambert in a few weeks! *FINGERS CROSSED!*

19. Did you watch cartoons as a child?
A little bit.

20. Do you own any band t-shirts?
I do indeedy have quite a few. The Academy Is..., The Used, Green Day x 2, Linkin Park x 3, The Matches, Saosin, Underoath, City Riots and The Getaway Plan. Yikes... That's actually alot :S

21. What will you be doing in one hour?
Hopefully counting z's!

22. Is anyone in love with you?
Uhm not anymore I don't think.

23. What was the last song you heard?
Not really sure but I've had Taio Cruz's Dynamite stuck in my head for like, two days straight. NO MORE, BRAIN, OKAY!

24. Last time you cried?
A couple of weeks ago? I think.

25. Are you on a desktop computer or a laptop?
Desktop.

26. Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos?
Yess. I'm probably going to take my number of ear piercings up to three on each side, maybe a belly button? I don't know, haven't decided that one. And I'm still vaguely considering a tattoo. It has to be the right design first though. Can anyone draw phoenixes?

27. What’s the weather like?
It was overcast today but it didn't rain where I was... It's night now :P

28. Would you ever date a girl/guy covered in tattoos?
Hell yes I would!

29. What did you do before this?
Just got home from late night shopping. I now have several new bras, undies and pants for work. Hurraaaay :D

30. When is the last time you slept on the floor?
Aaaah months ago, I don't remember.

31. How many hours of sleep do you need to function?
Ahh not many. Will need coffee though!

32. Do you eat breakfast daily?
Yes. Breakfast is my favourite meal of the day :) I love cereal.

33. Are your days fast-paced?
It depends on how many clinics are running on which day :S Thursdays are usually busy though. Much like today.

34. What did you do last night?
That's a good question. Probably nothing? Caught up on my f-list and all the Lambliffy goodness that has been going on.

35. Do you use sarcasm?
Nooo >.>

36. How old will you be turning on your next birthday?
Twenty-two.

37. Are you picky about spelling and grammar?
Usually, yes!

38. Have you ever been to six flags?
Nup. I couldn't even tell you where that is. Except that it's in the US.

39. Do you get along better with the same sex or the opposite sex?
Both. My friends from school are girls (cos I went to a girls school...) but most of my friends from uni and circus are guys.

40. Do you like mustard?
No, no I don't >.<

41. Do you sleep on your side?
On my side or my tummy.

42. Do you watch the news?
I do. I watch it in the morning, in the tea room before work. And it's usually on at the same time as dinner.

43. How did you get one of your scars?
I walked into a post covered in chicken wire in the dark. It ripped my skirt (sad face!) and a nice one inch gash in my thigh.

44. Who was the last person to make you mad?
I don't really get mad. Irritated, or mildly annoyed, but not mad or really angry. Probably Mum though, if she's been bugging me.

45. Do you like anybody? Are you ‘straight’, ‘bi’, ‘gay’, or attracted to palm trees?
Not particularly at the moment. I'm attracted to who I'm attracted to. Gender or sexuality of said attraction doesn't matter to me.

46. What is the last thing you purchased?
Bras, undies, pants for work and a new mascara tonight :)

47. What side of the heart do you draw first?
Always the left.

48. Can you dive without plugging your nose?
Yup. Diving was one of my favourite parts of swimming!

49. What colour is your razor?
Aah, purple.

50. What is your blood-type?
A-negative.

51. Who would you want to be tied to for 24 hours?
Mmh Adam Lambert. Dude has such a crazy life, the poor thing! It'd be hell interesting though!

52. What is a rumour someone has spread about you?
I don't think there is one?

53. How do you feel about carrots?
I'm partial to carrots :)

54. How many chairs at the dining room table?
Six.

55. Which is the best Spice Girl?
Baby Spice used to be my favourite. I don't have one now though cos, you know, my music tastes got better.

56. Do you know what time it is?
Yes, yes I do. There's a clock right over there ---> It says 10:44 pm

57. Do you know all the words to the Fresh Prince Theme Song?
Nup.

58. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator?
Sit down and wait?

59. What’s your favourite kind of gum?
Strawberry bubblegum :)

60. T or F: All’s fair in love and war?
False.

61. Do you have a crush on anyone?
Mmm a few.

62. Do you know how to use some words correctly, but not know the meaning?
Haha probably! I haven't really thought about it.

63. Do you like to sleep?
Yes, yes, yes! Love it.

64. Do you know which US states don’t use Daylight Savings Time?
US Daylight Savings times aren't really on my list of Things to Know, sorry. I barely even know when ours is!

65. Do you know the song Total Eclipse of the Heart?
lol, yes.

66. Do you want a bright yellow ‘06 mustang?
Mm I do like Mustangs. Yellow isn't my favourite colour though. Red, maybe. Or green!

67. What’s something you’ve always wanted?
A horse.

68. Do you have hairy LEGS?
Shut up. I will shave tomorrow morning... whenever I get up.

69. Would you rather swim in the ocean or a lake?
Ocean! I'm going to the beach on the weekend :D

70. Do you wear a lot of black?
Haha, yes a reasonable amount.

71. Describe your hair:
Just shoulder-length, honey-blonde with a few red tints and brown streaks that is my natural colour showing through.

72. Do you have Entomophobia?
No, except for cockroaches! I'm cockroach-phobic.

73. Are you an adult?
Mostly ;)

74. Where is/are your best friend(s)?
Scattered across Sydney!

75. Do you have a tan?
No :( I'd kind of like one but I'm mostly okay with my pale skin.

76. Are you a television addict?
Not particularly anymore.

77. Do you enjoy spending time with your mother?
Every once in a while :) Like tonight.

78. Are you a sugar freak?
No? I don't think so. It just depends on the day I'm having/how bad the coffee is as to how many sugars I put in my coffee. Mmmm coffee...

79. Do you like orange juice?
Yus :)

80. What sign are you?
Aries.

down here, standing where you left me

a_dreamwithin — Fri, 23 Jul 2010 11:58:10 GMT

Meme from melonfucka , who gave me the letter R.
[comment this entry and I'll give you a letter and then you post your 5 favourite songs starting with that letter etc. etc.]

Just as I was beginning to despair and flail my arms wildly and proclaim that there are LIKE ZERO songs starting with R (or that I really love, anyway) I came across probably my most favourite(est) From First to Last song:

Ride The Wings of Pestilence - From First to last.
I'll hide you in my walls
Your body will never be found
I'll wear your skin as a suit, pretend to be you
Your friends will like you more then they used to
This song makes me giggle. Teeny tiny Sonny singing about killing bullies and wearing their skins. HEE!

The Resolution - Jack's Mannequin
I'm alive
And I don't need a witness
To know that I survived
I'm not looking for forgiveness
Yeah, I just need light
I need light in the dark
As I search for the resolution
Mm Andrew McMahon is a fantabulous songwriter and musician. This was the song that hooked me into Jack's Mannequin and never fails to cheer up my swingable moods.

Reflection - Mulan Soundtrack. It's apparently by Lea Salonga if that matters.
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
Why is my reflection someone I don't know?
Somehow I can not hide
Who I am, though I've tried
When will my reflection show who I am inside?
Oh, oh Disney. Please have more heartfelt songs like this, please?

Ready to Fall - Rise Against
Wings won't take me
Heights don't phase me
So take a step
But don't look down
Take a step
A song that will get you jumping up and down. And it did actually get me jumping up and down: they're one of the best live bands I've seen.

Reinventing Your Exit - Underoath
It starts again
Can you feel it?
It takes your breath away
Stop saying that we're invincible
Whenever I find this album instore it's so expensive it's not funny. I wantz it :( I love this song to death, and I don't even have the album it's off. Spencer Chamberlain is a teeny tiny man (like Sonny) with the hugest pair of lungs (also, like Sonny. Coincidence? Hm). He makes me happyyy.

Honourable Mentions (because they just missed the cut):

Ride - The Vines
Obligatory Aussie band. Craig Nichols is a crazy, crazy man and the band has all but faded from existence now, but they were great, trashy, flat-voiced fun when they were at their peak. Ride also has an awesome video clip :) I would find it for you, except that I already tried to find videos for the above songs and I got distracted by Adam Lambert. Whoops? :D

Rumored Nights - The Academy Is...
I totally just tried to put a 'u' in 'rumored'. Damn American spelling!

Roll On - The Living End
Another fantastic Aussie band. So much fun, even though it's actually a pretty political song. Love themmm
We'll roll on with our heads held high
Our conscience in the gutter
Our dreams up in the sky

Raintree - Still Naive
I wish that we, I wish that we
Could fly to be immortalized
Thrown high into the sky where the
Angels dwell and maybe we could be in heaven
Such a beautiful song. Whenever I tried to search up these guys, Google was a failure. Here, have a video that I just found. Ignore the photo people, just listen.

Rosetta Stoned and Reflection by Tool also make the list because of my metal-y love for this band. Reflection was one of my first Tool favourites, being over 11 minutes in length. Rosetta Stoned is crazy and the vocals are amazingly dynamic.

happy faces cannot express my GLEE!

a_dreamwithin — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 11:21:09 GMT

SOMETHING CORPORATE!!!

ARE BACK! HELLZ TO THE YES! MY FACE TOTALLY LOOKS LIKE MY ICON RIGHT NOW I'M SO HAPPY!

WOOOOOOO!

If I could make my text all sparkly and shit to show my happiness, I would.

Jeepers.

Work has been kicking my ass. I'm sorry I'm a terrible el-jayer =[

a_dreamwithin — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 21:01:25 GMT

WHAT THE HELL SPAIN?! HOW?!

I don't understand! Germany have been ruthless! Yet I'm astounded at how Spain just made Germany look like infants.

...It's kind of fantastic :)

I'm bummed Uruguay got knocked out but a Spain vs Netherlands final shall be interesting to say the least.
Dare I say, fond_ofyou , you were right!

YAY WORLD CUP!

yay!

a_dreamwithin — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 03:45:57 GMT

It's been a little while since I last el-jayed, like usual I suppose. But I decided to bite the bullet and upgrade to a paid account :D HURRAY! I uploaded some more userpics and I'll probably be on the hunt for more soon. It's a gooood feeling :D I feel the need to update my layout again too but I can probably put that off for a little while.

Especially since my last foray into header-making I now dislike a bit. I entered the mikeyway_daily graphics challenge and I'm afraid that mine has probably been put to shame. SHAME I TELL YOU! How embarrassment. I did finish two separate pieces of art for the bandombigbang which is pretty exciting :) I hope they turned out well, and I don't hate them yet so that's probably a bonus.

Aaaand I'm getting my hair ~~cut~~ trimmed on Thursday :D Yay! It's taking a lot of my willpower not to cut it all off again because I'm trying very hard to grow it out. Maybe I might colour it properly again or try curls. I haven't decided. Ideas anyone?

/rambleness

...confidence?

a_dreamwithin — Thu, 13 May 2010 12:03:02 GMT

I'm going out tomorrow! YAAAAAY! I have a social life again! :D I'm going out to Kings Cross to meet up with some circus friends I haven't seen in about 5 months, and we're going drinking, hopefully dancing and to see this AWESOME band from Adelaide play, called City Riots. CAN'T WAIT! Tomorrow night can't come fast enough.

Although, Kings Cross is known for it's strip clubs, prostitutes and questionable behaviour... and I'm worried the outfit I've picked out is going to make me look slutty. =[ I'll see how I feel about it tomorrow morning I suppose. Confidence is usually the key, right?

a_dreamwithin — Tue, 04 May 2010 00:07:38 GMT

Okay, melonfucka has been nudging me again and telling me I've been a bad el-jayer.

So I've bombed out of my Wave 2 BBB because I just never found the time to write it... Which sucks. I really love(d?) the idea and I hope that I'll get around to writing it, but between work and dancing I had a bitch of a case of writers block. I had ideas but they just wouldn't come out on paper. Or text.

Anyway, I've claimed my first story for art and I hope to get started really soon. THAT'S EXCITING! :) I need to finish the art I started for bandomvalentine ages ago too... I was really proud of that one but apparently I've fallen off the wagon. Again.

I bought Mulan on DVD yesterday and I think I'm going to go and watch that before I do some cleaning, go and pick up my printed photos from Harvey Norman, and then go to work for the late shift.

p-p-p-poker face!

a_dreamwithin — Wed, 14 Apr 2010 00:37:08 GMT

Meme from devilswhore_x and fond_ofyou

SIX NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Kirsten
2. Kaye
3. KT
4. Kirsty
5. armsarewings
6. a_dreamwithin

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. Track pants because I'm a lazyass and I'm still in my pj's! Heehee
2. My Sydney 2000 Olympic Games Opening Ceremony t-shirt
3. My new red University of Newcastle hoodie which I'm very attached to now.

THREE THINGS YOU WANT VERY BADLY AT THE MOMENT
1. To not have to babysit anymore.
2. A drink of water. Or coffee. Probably coffee.
3. For me to be able to write my damned BBB!

THREE PEOPLE WHOM YOU HOPE WILL DO THE MEME
1. dierre101
2. pixiebullets
3. sharpisignature

THREE THINGS YOU DID LAST NIGHT
1. Finally updated my LJ about graduation and my birthday.
2. Watched Top Gear. Wheeee!
3. Made plans for tonight

THREE PEOPLE YOU LAST TALKED TO ON THE PHONE:
1. Justin
2. One of the girls from work about swapping shifts on Friday
3. I can't remember... probably mum?

THREE THINGS YOU ARE GOING TO DO TOMORROW:
1. Go to work =[
2. Work
3. Come home from work.

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE DRINKS:
1. Coffeeeee
2. Water
3. Milk :) especially when it's in a milkshake! ~~I swear I'm not two years old...~~

THREE THINGS THAT MADE YOU SMILE TODAY:
1. My dog(s)
2. sharpisignature 's reply to my comment :)
3. I HAVE A DAY OFF TODAYYY! And I'm going out to a swish Chinese restaurant tonight with a friend that I haven't caught up with in ages. HURRAY!

my writing is like a grade four kid trying to tell a story... crapola!

a_dreamwithin — Tue, 13 Apr 2010 13:14:22 GMT

3 awesome things in 3 days! ~~Not that you can tell from my tragic recounting of events though.~~

I graduated last week :D It felt a bit strange because I haven't been at uni since about October/November last year, and I've been in a full-time job for the last 4 months. But nevertheless it was pretty damn exciting. I got to dress up and wear a fancy University gown and one of the crazy flat hats with a tassel that kept swinging in and out of my peripheral vision. The main thing though... I didn't trip up or down the stairs to the stage and make a fool of myself. I think I felt more accomplished about this feat than I did about actually receiving my Bachelor's degree.

Aaaand then the next day I turned 21. HURRAY! I went to the Easter Show with my Dad and dogs in the morning, and then to work in the afternoon because I was on the evening shift. But my parents gave me a pair of gorgeous diamond stud earrings for my birthday! Lucky lucky me! So happy. My boyfriend got me an adorable multi-coloured lamp in the shape of a tortoise. I named him Mr Sparkles and the boy laughed at me. I stand by my Mr Sparkles.

I had a party at home the next day, a BBQ with family and friends and stuff and it was great fun :) Sooo much cake! We still have leftovers... and some was put in the freezer too. I'm reasonably sure that we have enough to last us until the zombie takeover... or something.

My BBB is going disastrously and I think I may have to pike out and just concentrate on art. Grah =[

listens to too much lady gaga...

a_dreamwithin — Sat, 03 Apr 2010 09:30:58 GMT

hot damn, i feel like crap =[ i got a cold this morning and it sucks rather a lot. i just want to curl up under a blanket and sleep for like a thousand years until it's gone. i wish tissues didn't hurt my nose so much. crapola.

in other news i watched The Shining today for the first time ever and while it was pretty awesome and interesting it was not scary or horrorish AT ALL. wtf kubrick.

i'm going to go to bed soon and hopefully my cold will have MAGICALLY DISAPPEARED by tomorrow, when I have to go to work. it's my first weekend shift and i was really looking forward to it. but not really now.

also, lady gaga keeps giving me ear worms. Monster has been stuck in my head for at least two days (albeit non-consecutively). i'm not really complaining though. she's pretty awesome.

spam me pretty pictures someone? pls? i need happy =[

yes i can see ya

a_dreamwithin — Tue, 23 Mar 2010 10:18:32 GMT

So, I may or may not be completely failing this year on my bandombigbang story. I bombed out of Wave 1 because I'm a lazy bum and I completely forgot when the deadline was. Then I'm freaking out a touch because I thought the deadline for drafts for Wave 2 was the 1st of April like it was last year... and I have barely 1000 words written. FML. But the deadline isn't til the end of April so not all hope is lost.

It's a Brendon/Spencer, Brendon/Shane with a touch of Gabe. I'd love an extra set of eyes if someone would be interested in giving bits a read over and bouncing ideas around? Idk, I'm struggling atm and it's sad :( I'd love some help.

My brain is too tired for a longer update :( I've been doing some early shifts at work and the 5am 'wake up and be out the door!' is not computing terribly well.

Also: I MIGHT BE GOING TO FIJI IN MAY/JUNE! THIS IS AWESOME!

the (mis)adventure

a_dreamwithin — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 04:59:46 GMT

So my hair dye adventure yesterday turned into a bona fide DISASTER. Holy fuck. For the last 20 hours or so, my hair has been orange. Like a carrot, I kid you not. It was not supposed to be orange. It was supposed to be 'amber blonde'. A TEENY TEENY bit of red in a dark blonde, light brown colour. My hair is a medium-dark shade of brown, plain, boring brown. So the stupid box told me to lighten it first. MISTAKE! Never again. Lesson learned. Do not listen to the hair-dye box.

I was so upset I didn't go to the ceroc dance party. My Saturday night was ruined.

It's not an awful colour. It would be okay if I wanted to be totally outrageous and dye the tips blue as well. I'd like that someday. But it's kind of not okay for work. I did go to dance this morning with orange hair... and walked through the city. But then I bought a new box of hair dye. "Golden Brown" that will hopefully cover up the carrotness. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE red hair, I love people with red hair (see icon of gorgeous Aaron Gillespie), just... not me right now. Bad idea.

I'll find out in 10 minutes when I wash the colour creme out how the NEW one will look. *fingers crossed*