you think you know...

hey

2007-09-21T16:47:57Z

i made a tour LJ.

add it.

benontheroad

before i leave, lets get lunch :)

6stringskank @ 2007-07-03T16:52:00

2007-07-03T20:52:14Z

i just remembered my livejournal password.

welcome back, sukkas

6stringskank @ 2006-11-01T15:06:00

2006-11-01T19:06:30Z

lets make this one as cliche' as possible... k?

my friends are incredible. they put up with an immense amount of crap, and i can only hope to one day be a sliver of what they've been to me.

the band is more fun, every practice. we are finally all on the same page musically, mentally, spiritually, whatever. its working, and that makes me happy.

the drama.. will always be there. no matter what. it can start from something as stupid as a holloween costume, to something straight up like calling someone out on BS. either way, its here now, and it always will be.

ive been trying to get a job for weeks i have 12 applications out right now... even labor finders (the day labor people..) dont have any jobs available. i would do anything to be able to pay bills, or be able to buy my sister a wedding gift.

oh yea, my sister is getting married on sunday.

im a fan of free food and dancing, so it should be good.

-this should make for an interesting story to tell one day.

6stringskank @ 2006-10-27T16:32:00

2006-10-27T20:32:23Z

how do you delete this thing?

6stringskank @ 2006-10-26T14:18:00

2006-10-26T18:35:40Z

well...

for those who didnt know.. ive been SUPID SICK the past few days...

102.5 fever, throwing up, pooopin, sweating, but freezing, then burning up, unable to talk, throat was swelling up causing problems breathing, drinking fluids, and eating, which lead to dehydration, not to mention dizzyness, and ask anyone i talked to from late sunday till yesterday afternoon, nothing ive said makes any sense. (not that it ever REALLY makes to much sense but..)

so it was pretty rad, id say.

im a lot better now, so its ok.. but it got scary tuesday morning and i woke up in a panic attack because i couldnt breathe...
after a little bit, iw as able to get enough breath to take a shower ( i had been sweting profusely, so im sure i smelled great) and drive myself to the hospital... at around 11.

if you dont have insurance, they dont care about you.

i had a 102.5 fever, and i spent 1 1/2 hours in the waiting room... under "reason for visit" i put "throat swollen shut, cant breathe"

thats worth waiting off... right?

either way, i get in, finally they take my temperature, and flip out.

ask me if i can take tylenol to bring down my fever..
-i cant even swallow my own spit my throat is so swollen-

so awesome, it was put up my butt.

they took 7 vials of blood, a huge cotton swab to the inside of my throat (which felt friggen great, lemme tell ya) and had me on 4 different IV medicines (from pain killers to antibiotics) then started treating me for my dehydration, because i wasnt able to drink water for so long.

i love it.

turns out i had pharyngitis.. meaning, of course, my pharynx was swollen shut. thats your voice box.

so it sounds like this dudes just now going through puberty, i love it.

i take 14 pills a day. from prednisone (which is supposed to make you fat) to Clindamycin (which kelly told me they perscribe for acne)

so chubby, smooth skinned ben is back, and ready for the weekend.

sorta.

oh, that and a perscription for vicodin, but i really dont want that at the fort, people always coming in and out... people we dont know.. i dunno, i just dont think its a great idea...

that and im not really in that much pain.

either way, im done talking about how rad my sickness is.

subject change.

boy likes girl.
a lot
girl likes boy.
a lot.
and theres nothing either of them can do about it.
awesome.

another subject change.

this weekend will be fun as crap..

i really wanna go up to see anberlin/jacks mannaquin/mae/story of the year (yea not really my kind of bands, but i know some dudes)

but nobody wants to go with me..

so ill just stay down here and pass out flyers for saturday..
unless....????

call me.

321 525 0797

and the show saturday will be amazing.

that is all

i just wrote a friggen novel.

6stringskank @ 2006-10-22T08:17:00

2006-10-22T12:17:47Z

life is too good sometimes.

other times.. its just like it has been for me lately.

im not sure i can handle more of this... the worst part is.. i put myself through it, and drag the people i love into it also.

im sorry

6stringskank @ 2006-09-27T14:00:00

2006-09-27T18:00:11Z

ok, last weekend= incredible

everything was in its place, and i had a blast the whole time.

i just got a call from the police station on vero. something about my name, and MSC being spraypainted on a wall..

he wants me to come down and check it out.

i dunno if its good, or bad, but its still weird.

whatever, people are lame.

finally got a lot off of my chest. and i feel much better that atleast some people know most of the truth.

today was hard, while programming my old house number, it was the first time i did it and it was just "mom" not "mom and dad"

i dont want him to be forgotten.

and it just stirred up a lot of crap in my head that setlled to the bottom until now.

so today is the "write songs on an acoustic guitar day"

see you tomorrow.

-ben

6stringskank @ 2006-09-25T01:28:00

2006-09-25T05:30:02Z

i dont know how/where to start.

so i wont.

i love it.

-ben

6stringskank @ 2006-09-19T22:06:00

2006-09-20T02:11:13Z

the past week was incredible.

its nice when you get to make up for a crappy first impression, and make friends with someone who thought you were a douche bag

the band is practicing its balls off. and its showing...

everyone should email josh benfield, and tell him to put my band on later...

( booking@littlereggies.com )

hung out with catterson a lot, saw a lot of bands, ate some good food, ate some horrible food.

friday was easily the best, thankyouverymuch
made some money, spent to much money.

snapped my bass in half, broke ryans mirror off, got a flat tire,

is this cloud nine?

im stoked.

6stringskank @ 2006-09-08T00:09:00

2006-09-08T04:29:09Z

ever wish you had super powers? not so people would think you were neat, or whatever... just so you could actually make a difference? make the bad guys finally pay.. ya know? \

i feel so helpless sometimes because all i can do for you is hurt. i cant fix problems, i dont give great advise... all i can do is just feel some of your pain for you... i wish for once i could make things better... the people who deserve the world are getting hosed, and the jerks, and liars, and cheaters, have everything..

God is a funny dude, if you think about it. He just sorta watches us flip out about stupid things, worry about things we cant control. try to fix problems that arent ours to begin with.. we try to get money and stuff and "cool" friends because to us, it all equals points and the more points we have, the "better" we are..

i bet he laughs his ass off when he takes a good look at us.

its almost like we treat life like a life boat, theres 6 people trying to get in, and only 5 can stay.. so who gets to stay on? the people with the most points...

think about how many selfishly-motivated things we do... everyday...

selling our time for money, which we trade back for points, only so we dont get booted out of the lifeboat...

im tired of it.

screw however many points i have,

this is me: i drive an old truck, i have 3 dollars, i listen to lame music, i worry.. alot, im scared people wont like me, im scared that if i really look at myself, i wont like me... and the list goes on...

im so tired of people trying to figure out how many points i have.. who gives a crap about who i associate with. we have all put ourselves on a really poorly done version of survivor...

think of how miserable this mindset is... only do something, if it benifits you.

how many people do we know like that? why do we still support them by laughing at their jokes that put down other people, or hang out with clicks of people that your either "in" or "out"

im sick of it. i want people who know me to love me, because they know the real me.

and the people that dont like me, i want them not to like me because they know me, and they dont like it. but only after given the same chance they would give anyone, regardless of how many points i have.

im done.

for now.

-ben!

6stringskank @ 2006-09-04T04:05:00

2006-09-04T08:16:03Z

so i drove down to do sound for the shows this weekend...

saturday was cool, the same show, same venue, same kids, but in a way, thats nice..

we played ultimate kickball/dodgeball/karate/whatever outside in the rain... awesome.

it was late, i was tired.

today was nuts.. sound for the supervillans in cocoa beach.. always fun, made some much needed money, and got to hang out with benfield..

but thats when things got weird...

basically, its come to my attention that im easily the biggest jerk any of you will ever meet.

and i know its a serious problem, because i didnt even know i was doing it... which tells me its my basic instinct to be an ass.

i dunno, i just hit really hard, like, if something were to happen to me, i would be "ben the freaking a-hole"

awesome.

and josh didnt tell me this stuff to tear me down, he said its a hinderence to my career, because im a jerk to bands...

i dunno.. kinda shook my whole cage so to speak... it explains a lot of why im never invited to stuff, but i guess i always figured if i was an asshole, someone would let me know, instead of letting me treat everyone like trash, meanwhile, im completely oblivious to the harm im doing.

basically?

im sorry...

if im this way to strangers, i cant imagine how i treat you guys...

anything i can do to fix it?

-ben

6stringskank @ 2006-09-01T21:11:00

2006-09-02T01:15:34Z

life is good..

i havent shaved in like 2 weeks...

the job? well, its the job or the beard.

and despite that looking like a lumberjack is prolly the best thing ever...

billz, dawg... you know..

other than that.. the band is doing well, we practice all the time.. and the select few that have heard us seem to enjoy it.

thats good.

this town has tons of awesome-potential..

but everything cost so freaking much.. meh, whatever.

oh yea, my drivers license is suspended in a week.. lovely.

peace sukkas

6stringskank @ 2006-08-23T12:55:00

2006-08-23T17:01:44Z

i quit empire-today.

that job sucked... the money was good, but the work made me want to take a nap on I4..

whats the price of happiness?

a dollar less an hour.

i work at discount music center www.discountmusic.com

wayyy better then selling carpet... LAME

the band is doing quite well, im pretty stoked with what we have so far... we have 2 shows lined up, one for sept 1st(hustler), and one for sept 23(vero heritage center)..

on the Little reggies site, we are listed as "ben bruns' new band"

ill admit. "lol"

the name of the band is bleed the fight... im not a fan of it, but i lost the vote.

im making a myspace today for it. its gonna be www.myspace.com/bleedthefight

we will have music up soon, but keith (the singer) lives in gainesville, so its kinda hard to get him down for every practice....

just being in the band cost me 50 a week in gas... and that would suck, if the band sucked, but at this point, id say it was worth it.

in other news, call me, if im not at work or band practice, im at home eating and watching cartoons.

ben!

6stringskank @ 2006-08-17T00:09:00

2006-08-17T04:44:44Z

i really need to get a computer..

orlando is going well.. everything is expensive ( tolls, just to and from work is about 4 dollars a day) and if the speed limit says 55, it really means no less than 70, or people will honk and get pissed at the new guy in town who freakishly obeys traffic laws..

band? very well, we have a show booked the 23 of sept, at the heritage center... should be good..

and in other news: my mom and i are on good terms... enjoying civil conversation, on a regular basis.. anyone who has known me... knows what news this is...

just thinking about what shes been through.. it really breaks my heart...

imagine if you will, meeting your soul mate, starting a family, and even though there are rough times, its still a family that has stuck together through it all...

30 years later, the youngest child, now 18, and graduating in a few months.. you and your husband are making plans to travel, because the nest is finally empty.. "we" can finally focus on "us" so to speak..

tragically, your husband is diagnosed with a terminal illness, and is put in the hospital.. the outlook grim, but the whole family tries to be optomistic.

soulmate is transferred back to the house he built with his bare hands, over 24 years..

wife now puts action to the words "in sickness and in health" and does everything from preparing meals, to the less glorious task of changing diapers.. out of love..

step back for a second.. falling asleep next to your soulmate for 30 years.. everynight their heat.. their heartbeat.. right there, to assure you that you are loved..

and said soulmate, is now downstairs, on a breathing machine.. while your upstairs, wondering when the bed got so big.

my mom borrowed my air mat, and set it up in my dads room, just to be in the same room as her husband... that room was right next to mine.

i often get up in the middle of the night and go pee, or drink milk out of the jug, and i would glance in the room, just to see him resting relatively peacefully...

at some point on one particular night, my mom crawled up onto my dads gurney.. just to be close..

i saw this, and it broke my heart..

the emotions captured in the final scene of the notebook try, but honestly, until you see it, you will never understand how deep true love goes.

and now, my mom sleeps in the bed they made, in the house they made. alone.

kinda makes anything i ever had against her fade away..

and just thinking back on it, breaks my heart...

all you can ever hope for is a love and devotion like that...

im gonna go.

but not before i say this..

prank phone calls? get a life. btw, you forgot to block your number the last time "joyce vonada"... good one.

6stringskank @ 2006-08-01T13:15:00

2006-08-01T17:24:07Z

work is fun. sorta..

i dont get payed until NEXT friday... and i have 27 dollars to eat and drive with until then.

but the check should be decent, and after that they are gonna be nice...

if i get pulled over between today and july 11th, i will be arrested. how cool is that?

my job makes me shave, and i would rather not.

they hate my hair too..

its the man, tryin to bring me down.

but at 10/hr plus commision... they can do whatever they want to me, save bending me over.

im driving to town tonight for band practice... i think you guys will be pleasently suprised with what we've come up with..

save the fact we dont have a name, or a myspace yet... we are getting things together

i figured a lot out the past few weeks, about me, and the nature of other people... it should be fun to finally understand things.

i miss some of you? come up to orlando... its warm and comfy.

after i start fullsail, im selling my truck and buying a motorcycle, purely for economic reasons.

i relized what i lost, what i gave up on, and what i pushed away. i sacrificed a lot of sleep to figure it out too..

im sorry.

call/text sometime, i have tues/weds off

6stringskank @ 2006-07-25T14:16:00

2006-07-25T18:17:58Z

i was just sent home from work, because i need to "shave and get a haircut".

i win.

6stringskank @ 2006-07-21T13:02:00

2006-07-21T17:12:33Z

k, so im totally moved in.
we got internet turned on yesterday,after 2 weeks without...

my job is awesome, and i will soon have exactly an assload of cash.

but for now im broke, and trying to play catch-up with all the money i owe everywhere.

the band (which has yet to be named) is doing amazing.. if you go to our first show, i advise you to wear adult diapers.

things in orlando are %100 drama-free... which is more than i can say for any given day in sebastian.

even after i moved away, rumors are going around about me.. lol..

hey guys... she wants you to talk about her.. she feeds off the attention..think about it. i move away, so im not able to stop the rumors.. if you buy into it, your all victims of sebastian. a town so boring that anything intersting to do, or say, has to be made up.

still believe it?

thats ok, your an idiot, and your opinions are exactly "bumpkus"

if anyone is in orlando, ever, or you feel like mailing me stuff..

1232 willow branch
orlando, fl 32828

stupid big house, with tons of room, come over and we can mess up stuff.

(house warming party soon)

MUST EAT.

ben!

6stringskank @ 2006-07-04T13:16:00

2006-07-04T17:31:58Z

"whatever you will end up being... for better or for worse.. today reinforces that"

friday was the battle... lots of hard work, FFTB did exceptionally well, and the votes proved it, MFV did what they always do, and the votes proved it, final stand.. wow.. their first show, ever. 3rd place. ryan (lead singer) has been a buddy of mine for a while, and i honestly never saw it coming, good job everyone.

saturday was another show melbourne jaycees, 4745634 predictable, unexciting breakdowns. 1 fantastic letdown.

sunday, pretty much the same thing.

monday (my birthday)- got up early and watched cartoons with ally (my neice)

went to the beach for a bit with michele, lynn, tony and sean shaffer. then taco reef. hillary came buy, and katie met up with us there. good times.

it was a painful relization how few good friends i actually have. i can remember somebodys b-day that i busted my balls for, just to make sure it was good, because thats what i think friends should do. and not that they should do anything expecting something in return, butit would have been nice... hey guys? myspace comments mean nothing to me.. honestly. myspace means nothing, its to easy, to.. fabricated. how many other people did you comment that day? so how much did it actually mean? thank you for gracing my myspace with a few shallow words and a picture of you.
and dont get me wrong, i appreciate everything about yesterday, especially because now i know for a fact who gives a crap about anything but themselves.

the results arent suprising, but still, very sad.

today i slept in too late to see the parade, my and my big sister watched aladin. im a party animal

i dont have plans yet for the rest of the day.

i havent moved yet because of everything going on, but tomorrow is my first day in orlando.
tonight is my last night in town. and i cant wait for it to be over.

- ben

6stringskank @ 2006-06-28T00:32:00

2006-06-28T04:36:31Z

http://www.wmgi.net/rentals/homeDetail.asp?AD_ID=426

july 1st.

later, sukkas.

-ben!

6stringskank @ 2006-06-23T14:59:00

2006-06-23T19:04:26Z

i dont think im doing anything for my bday, last years show at zoom was the closest thing to a party ive ever had, which people automatically went to because it was a show.

if i were to plan anything, and it turned out like it always turns out, it will have been a huge waste of time, and a horrible reason to get my hopes up.

(and if this sounds melancholy, dealwith it, its the truth.)

6stringskank @ 2006-06-23T01:46:00

2006-06-23T05:53:31Z

i wish you knew how much potential you had.

that you are selling yourself short, and i dont mean with your crappy boyfriend, or decision not to go to school.

(and this goes to all of you)

i want to run into you one day, like 6 years in the future, and ill be doing my thing, and you will be doing yours.

but i pray that whatever you do, your actually happy with, in the long run...

im not saying you will be miserable unless you have a butt-load of money and a hot wife, but damn, you are all so capable of doing so many awesome things.

whatever you do, just promise me, that you will do it with all your heart, and live up to the potential you have, im scared for you, that you will sell yourself short just because your afraid.

balls to the wall.

"were goin nowhere, and its happenin fast, a dim future, and a darker past, somewhere, away from here, the best mistakes they often learn, at farenheit, 451, you close the doors and let it burn."

i have no idea why, but its been on my heart to type that.

wow

2006-06-21T07:08:30Z

i just got the most unexpected message, from the most unexpected person,

and it made my day.

thank God that whole mess is over, finally.

gah, im so happy.

6stringskank @ 2006-06-19T01:04:00

2006-06-19T05:09:37Z

1st off,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MICHELE...

love that kid, wow.

next order of business...

saturday was bust my balls day, i was at the jaycees from noon, till 4 am.... but the stage is done, and the boxes i built are done.

today was rough.. went to sleep at 9:30 am. slept til 1, maybe...

today is the first fathers day since my dad passed away... RIP dad-dude. its still really hard to deal with, but i do have a couple amazing friends.

and i spent all afternoon/night with some of them.

good times,

im tired.

ben!

6stringskank @ 2006-06-17T02:35:00

2006-06-17T06:38:24Z

i need a job, so bad, its silly..

i havent done anything except yesterday i went to lunch with lynn and kelly, (which was awesome, btw) and bowling last night

i figured out how to throw the ball so hard, that even if its a total gutter ball, i still knock down 7 pins.

went to BJs tonight, that was pretty fun.

i made brownies.

my sister is engaged as of last night. wedding is Nov 18th. neat, huh?

got me thinking a bit, but nothing prolific, dont worry.

im really tired.

and i like the blue barracudas a lot.

ben!

6stringskank @ 2006-06-14T15:43:00

2006-06-14T12:45:00Z

yesterday ruled, last night sucked,

today made me wish it was last night.

thanks