insight07's blog

life is a lovely chaos

about

My name is Devika. I like to read books, watch fantastical content, and express my thoughts in any way that I can. Follow along for a reflective read in these rushed times. For I too, try to find some solace in this corner of the internet.

Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.

  • Friday Feature #5

    I am unable to inject a single bone into my body anymore.
    206 is there, but it feels like 124.
    The form and strength of the physicality escapes.
    Thoughts are fluid, and so am I
    Swimming in and out of what is
    And what isn’t.
    The pain has spread from the organ to bones and beyond
    There is nothing but that pulsating point where the world has dissolved.
    Nothing is helping, even in the place where solutions are found.
    I try to find faith, and your hands
    In the middle of this chaos.
    What I find, surprises me. Not music, love, or patience.
    But just a miniscule relief from the pain, and
    Memory of an ice cream from yesterday.

    ~insight07

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    Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.

  • Better

    Sometimes I fear confusion
    Not just of my mind but
    Of bones and limbs.
    What is they forget how to join?
    A knee in an elbow with a thigh.
    Sometimes I fear fire
    I imagine it losing its form and coming after me
    Like air between my fingers-
    Reaching bits of anatomy that are not even physical.

    Sometimes I fear intimacy
    A love that tangles in warmth and bitter sweet
    Rush of the life.
    Maybe just the sour taste remains after a while.
    Sometimes I fear time
    The rat that is always after me
    Nibbling at peace and gnawing at broken skin hungrily.

    I close my eyes and I see utter dark.
    I am scared to sleep and sleep without light.
    It’s a hide and seek game I play each night.
    Voices from yesteryears creep in my head as I
    Lose weight to illness and
    Fatigue gives way to activity and
    Daziness swifts over my mind.
    It’s a battle that is beyond time, reason, and space
    I stand facing a mirror
    Bare faced.

    The same fingers that have grown with me
    Grip each other as I go up and down
    Hours at a time.
    Nothing matters but the urge to become better-
    Lift a rock from the bottom of the sea
    Expose it to the white sun
    A healing sun that breathes
    And rub paint of imagination and expression on it-
    One of colour and peace.

    ~insight07

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    Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.

  • Frailty

    The frailty of a dark night
    A leaf holding its green as it droops to the human touch
    A pluck and it’s over.
    Barks of endless trees in a crown
    Over a moon that pulls the tide to robe
    Its light beauty.
    A lonely frail wave lulls a lonely mind to sleep
    Thoughts become oceans then clouds
    A reign that lasts for a few hours
    Its light beauty comes down
    To the leaf
    To the forest.
    I am where I am
    A fish in a fishbowl
    That could have been an ocean
    That could have been a cloud-
    Or maybe just a drop.
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    ~insight07
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    Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.

  • Fruits

    This city opens up to me again and again
    Each time I say a goodbye
    Sunlight so harsh and hot
    Suffocating, engulfs me
    There is magic floating in the air, right above this layer of pollution that controls
    My breaths and life. I’m five years less, today

    There’s a platter in front of me
    Fruits of different sizes.
    Banana, strawberry, mango, kiwi
    Each bitten by different teeth.
    There’s so little left to eat.
    Yet, I must eat.

    The fruit is the same. But I reduce in size.
    An ant. This is the whole world.

    Fruits of labour. Fruits of love.

    Cities need to change. Fruits need to change. For my mind needs better.

    I need better.

    ~insight07

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    Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved.

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