Useless opinions.

Understanding Children

January 28, 2015

Carolyn 1950

Me, age 2.

When a child is born, it has no language, thoughts or intentions. It is a small, totally dependent being whose needs are simple. The child needs to be held, fed, changed, kept warm. The child needs love. Children in orphanages who were fed and clothed and changed, but not held, died.

     For the first two years, the child is developing its ability to control its body, to speak and to relate to people. The small child who is not yet speaking has no intentionality beyond its need to develop. The progress and stages of the development of a child are pretty much the same for every child, except in cases of physical or mental handicap. For details on that, see “Piaget’s theory of cognitive and affective development.”

     If you impute intentionality to a young child, you are ascribing to the child intentions that do not exist. You are projecting on the child your view of the world and of the child. A young child is totally loving, curious, trusting, open, honest and self expressed. Any behavior in a young child that is not consistent with the above is caused by the actions of an adult with that child.

     As a child acquires language and develops mentally and physically, it begins to form its self-view, its view of other people and its world view. The first time something upsetting happens to the child after he or she acquires language, the child makes a meaning about it, and that meaning becomes the theme of the child’s life. The purpose of the meaning the child makes up is to make sense of the world and protect itself from any future threatening occurrences. It makes up a meaning about itself, about other people, and about life. It also makes up a strategy to cope with that kind of occurrence.

     These things form the child’s personality and identity. The child may decide that he or she is “not good enough,” or “bad,” or “unlovable,” or “not doing it right,” or “worthless,” or any of a myriad of things. It may decide that other people are untrustworthy, or dangerous, or mean, or undependable, or uncaring, etc. It may decide that life or the world is dangerous, or uncaring, or unfair and so on. The child develops a strategy to survive. It may choose a strategy of compliance, or hiding, or fighting, or not caring, or being good, and so on.

      In the case of the child who decides to be good, it may say something to itself like: If I be very good, then Mommy (and people) will love me. The child may decide that people are untrustworthy or undependable. The child may decide that he or she will depend only on him or herself. His strategy will be to not trust people and to be self-reliant. If the child decides that it must fight to protect itself, this mode of adaptation will show up whenever the child feels threatened. The child will fight with others frequently.

     When the child’s basic trust has been damaged or destroyed, it will act out as it tries to protect itself. It will fight, or hide, or run, or manipulate, or lie, or cry and so on, to avoid what it is afraid of. None of these behaviors means that the child is bad. The child is just a very young human being trying to figure out how to protect itself in a situation that it sees as dangerous. If the child’s trust has been badly damaged, it will take a long time and a lot of patience and persistence to restore the child’s trust. Very likely, the person who caused the child’s loss of trust is not the person to restore it.

     So what does a child need? Between birth and about a year and a half, the child needs to be fed when it’s hungry, covered when it’s cold, changed when it urinates or defecates, and held when it is distressed. The child needs to be held most of the time in the beginning, and it’s need to be held gradually tapers off as it grows. At two, the child will come to the parent when it wants to be held. Eventually, around 10 or so, depending on the family, the child will stop asking to be held. The family that continues to hug are happier families. It is the parents who set the tone.

     Very young children are sensitive to the emotions and energy of the people around them. The child feels if the person who is holding it is happy or sad, contented or angry, and it responds to that energy. If the child is crying and a person who picks it up is happy and loving, the child stops crying. It is comforted. If the child is contented and someone who is angry or sad picks it up, the child will cry, and try to get away if it can.

     Children are capable of communicating their needs and feelings, if the adults take the time to listen, and if they can listen without judging or trying to turn it into a teaching moment. Like everyone else, the child just wants to know that it is heard. If you listen to the child and communicate to it that what it said has been heard and understood, whatever is bothering the child will disappear. The conversation will be something like this: The child is crying, you say, “What’s the matter Mary?” “I’m sad.” “What are you sad about?” “I’m sad because Johnny took my toy” “You’re sad because Johnny took your toy?” Yes, and I’m mad too.” “You’re mad too.” “Yeah, I’m mad. I’m very, very mad at Johnny.” “You’re very, very mad at Johnny.” As the conversation continues, the child will be less and less upset, until it is clear that the child’s upset is gone. There is nothing else to do.

     Whatever the child does, it is not because the child is bad. It is out of the child’s needs. Needs for love, food, self-expression, safety, need to explore, need to learn, need to move. The children need correction. The child doesn’t know what is acceptable behavior until someone teaches it. The child doesn’t know that picking his nose and wiping it on the wall is not acceptable until someone tells him. The child doesn’t know that grabbing a toy from another child is not acceptable until you tell him. He is not bad, he just doesn’t know.

The reasons for the rules should be explained to the child. “I don’t want you to run into the street because you could get hit by a car and hurt badly or killed.” “It is wrong to grab a toy because it makes the other child sad, and the child won’t want to play with you.” “You must go to bed now because you have to get up early tomorrow, and if you don’t get enough sleep you will be tired and grumpy and you might fall asleep in class.” Sometimes, “Because I say so.” is a legitimate reason.

Children are a delight to be with. They are open, honest, direct, loving, accepting, inquisitive, curious, affectionate and kind. If you find them otherwise, take a look at yourself. What stories are you telling yourself about what the child should be, or what the child’s behavior means. That is what needs to be corrected, not the child. So, if you find being with children a delight, you are a natural at the mentoring and care of children. If you find them annoying, you have the wrong attitude. Do yourself and the kids a favor and stay away from them

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Children, Family relationships, Love and marriage, Musings, My theories

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Breaking and entering as a metaphor for rape.

June 11, 2014

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Citizen: “I want to report a break-in”

Officer: “Are you sure it was a break-in, and not morning after regret”?

Citizen: “What are you talking about, you can see the damage the burglar did”?

Officer: “This place is pretty attractive, with the nicely mowed lawn, and the flowers, and the well maintained building, maybe you

were asking for it.”

Citizen: “Are you crazy? What does how attractive my house is have to do with anything?

Officer: “Well, you know if you make your house too attractive, it would be hard for a burglar to resist the temptation.”

Citizen: “I know who it was, I saw him as he was running away. He was here one day last week to do some work.”

Officer: “Oh, so you invited him in before? So naturally he assumed he had the right to come in again. How many other people have you invited into your house?”

Citizen: “Whose side are you on? I have a right to be secure in my house and my person, and nobody has the right to enter my house without my invitation.”

Officer: “Well now, if you get a reputation for letting people into your house, people will think of you are easy and available to anyone.”

Citizen: (Speechless)

Officer: “Are you sure to want to make a report? Why don’t you just chalk it up to experience, and be more careful from now on?” “You know if it gets out that your house was broken into, the community will see your house as less valuable. You’ll get a reputation, and a lot of people will say you are lying.”

Obviously, this kind of conversation doesn’t happen when someone reports a burglary, but it does when someone reports a rape. There is no justification for blaming the victim and defending the criminal.

There is no justification for rape. There is nothing a woman, child or man can do that can force a perpetrator to commit rape. It is a voluntary act, committed intentionally by a man who disregards the rights of his victim, with confidence that he will get away with it, and all too often, he does.

And when a woman reports the rape, It’s she who has to defend herself from accusations of lying, or being complicit in her victimization; by the police or the university and the community. She is the one attacked by members of the community, not for what she did, but for telling on the one who did it to her.

Rapists are not excoriated for what they did, they are not shunned. They don’t have to move away to escape the condemnation of their community. They get a pat on the back and a “boys will be boys” from their friends and their community.

It is a twisted logic that turns the victim into the perpetrator and the perpetrator into the victim.

Being attractive or sexy is not an invitation. No means no. Being drunk or on drugs is not permission. A rapist is a rapist, and a woman who says she was raped should be believed.

 

 

Category:

Feminism, Male/Female relations, Politics, vices

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How To Be a Good Wife…

April 9, 2014

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To start with, to be a good wife, you need to choose a good husband. 

A good husband loves his wife and kids, supports them, spends time with them and does not have any major vices, like drugs, drinking, gambling, womanizing, violence, criminal activity, or the like.  He is not perfect, but he does his best. 

A good wife is emotionally supportive of her husband. She encourages him to pursue the career that he is passionate about, even if it means doing without while he is building his career. She also does not have any major vices like the ones I listed above. 

A good marriage results from honest communication and a willingness to listen. A good spouse wants their partner to be happy, and is a sympathetic listener when their partner is upset or depressed. 

It also takes a willingness to forgive your spouse if she or he gives in to human weakness, understanding that trust once lost is difficult to get back. 

One of the most important components of a good marriage is integrity. This means doing what you say you will do, when you say you will do it, or letting them know you can’t do it, in a timely manner, and re-promising. Broken promises lead to loss of credibility, and loss of credibility leads to cynicism and resignation, and often, divorce. 

A good spouse is not one who fails to speak up when their partner has disappointed them, for fear of confrontation. That’s being a door-mat. 

A good spouse is honest about what they want and need, without being stuck on how it should look to get it. 

Sometimes negotiation is required, if the two of you want things that seem to be at odds. Compromise by both parties may be needed.  You are in a partnership, and both of you need to be considering the happiness of the other as well as yourself. 

The one thing I have done that has resulted in a happy marriage with my husband of over 20 years, is the Landmark Forum, and other Landmark courses. I highly recommend them. 

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Musings

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I have so much to do that I can’t decide what to do. (Sound familiar?)

March 25, 2014

So much to do

I don’t have a wage-earning job. I am home most days all day. I also have a long list of things to do. When I look at this long list, I find that I don’t know how to choose one to work on. I don’t seem to be able to determine which one is most important.

Here is the list, with only the headings:

1. Seminar homework (The Landmark Money Seminar)

2. Make a promised baby blanket (For a great-grandchild on the way).

3. Make a promised knitted cap (For cancer patients)

4. Work on getting my textile arts business started. (12 items).

5. Work on weaving a baby blanket for other great grandchild on the way.

6. Scan my deceased mother’s diaries and letters, so I can make them available to my nine siblings.

7. Routine housework.

8. Home improvement and repair to our 114-year-old, eight bedroom house to get it ready to sell. Inside: 15 items. and Outside: 8 items. (With Hubby.)

9. Finish organizing stuff being stored in guest room, and set up a bed. (see number 6)

10. Personal health: exercise, diet (nutrition), meditate, yoga.

11. Update family website.

12. Get my book published.

13 . Babysit the two great grand-children who live with us.

14. With Hubby, manage finances.

So. It’s a pretty long list. Some of the items are things I enjoy doing. Some of them feel like things I should do. Some are things I have to do if I don’t want my life to spin out of control.

I haven’t included the two things I end up spending the most time on: The computer/internet and TV.

My grand-daughter is expecting a baby within the next two weeks, so if she’s not feeling well and her Mom is not available, I babysit. That’s a pretty high priority. And that makes it hard to do most of the other things on the list.

Another thing I didn’t list is this blog.  I would like to post something at least once a week.

I am planning on taking a “Design to Win” Workshop. I will get some structure and guidance in managing my projects there. It’s in April.

If you are better than me at managing multiple projects, I would be happy to hear about it.

 

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Art, food, health, Money, Musings

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Why using the word “don’t” doesn’t work

March 15, 2014

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Have you ever noticed in the movies when the hero says to the damsel in distress, “don’t look down” she always does?

There is a reason when you say “don’t” it doesn’t work.

The function of the conscious mind is to make decisions. The function of the subconscious mind is to carry out those decisions. The most important decisions we make in life are often decisions we don’t remember making. They are the decisions about who we are going to be, about what strategies we will use to win in life, and how we will avoid repeating bad experiences.

We make them when we are young, and our subconscious minds make sure that whatever we decided about who we are, what we are capable or not capable of, and how we will relate to people, will be carried out.

It’s as if the conscious mind is the programmer, and the subconscious mind is the part being programmed.

Hypnotists understand this, and know that it is the subconscious mind that they must address to be effective at planting suggestions that the subject will carry out when he is conscious, and he is often not aware he is doing it, or does not understanding why he is doing it.

There are ways of getting at those hidden decisions, bringing them into the light, and addressing them. Hypnotism is one, but you are putting your subconscious programming into the hands of someone else. Do you really want to trust something so important to someone else, especially if he or she is a stranger?

Another is to find a competent Dianetic auditor. Good luck with that, without getting involved with the C of S. (You know who I mean). I don’t recommend that path.

The last one is to register in the Landmark Forum. This is an education that helps you uncover your hidden decisions and create new possibilities for being that are empowering.

Back to the original point of this article. Why you should not use the word “don’t.

The subconscious mind does not comprehend negatives. No, not, don’t, won’t, can’t, etc. get translated into the positive form, especially “don’t.” So if you say, “I won’t forget my keys.” You are sure to forget your keys, because your subconscious mind translates it into “I will forget my keys.” Then it carries out the order.

So, whether you are talking to yourself, your spouse, your child, or anyone, say it in positive terms: “I will remember my keys.” “Be careful.” (not, “don’t hurt yourself”), “I am healthy and strong.” instead of “I hope I don’t get sick.” “I hope I succeed,” instead of “I hope I don’t screw up.” To a child; “Be good.” instead of “Don’t be bad.”

You get the idea.

Another place to be very careful about how you talk to yourself or your child is in the careless use of language relating to the body. For example, if you are in the habit of saying something like “It’s a pain in the ass,” or “you’re giving me a headache.” or “oh my aching back!” to describe frustration, annoyance, or some other negative emotional state, you are creating a state of physical illness in your body.

That’s because your subconscious mind and your body will carry out your commands.

My husband had a friend from college. He lost track of her, but a few years ago he got back in communication with her. She was very ill and soon after died from colon cancer. All her life she was in the habit of saying “it’s a pain in the ass” to describe any situation she was unhappy with.

If you’re annoyed, angry, sad, or irritated, say that, don’t say something about the condition of your body. It’s ok to say “I’ve got a knot in my stomach right now,” as a means of communicating how you are feeling about a particular situation, but don’t say “you make me sick.”

I first came across this idea in an article in Co-Evolution Quarterly magazine, which I subscribed to in the 70’s and 80’s. The article in titled, “Language, Thought and Disease” by W.C. Ellerbroek, M.D. The article is available to read on the internet. The issue is number 17, Spring 1978.

So, “Live long and prosper” my friends and fans, and treat yourself and your body like the precious things they are.

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Musings, My theories

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What is the value of me?

March 13, 2014

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It occurred to me while reading an inspiring story about the spiritual role of pets in our lives (http://yoursoulsplan.wordpress.com) that my self-esteem issues are unworthy of the respect that my higher spiritual self merits.

By entertaining stories in my head about my unworthiness, I am forgetting that I am a spiritual being, a child of God.

I am one of those people who is really reliable for other people. If I say I will do something, I’m very good at doing it when I say I will do it, or if I find that I can’t do it when I say I will, I let the person know, and make a new promise.

But when I put something in my calendar where I am answerable only to myself, my track record is lousy.

What I saw about that, thanks to the Landmark work I’m doing, is that I am reliable for others because having people like and approve of me is one of my strong suits. That means my inner child has it that my survival depends on it. On the other hand, I don’t take the promises I make to myself seriously, because my inner child also has it that I’m not important.

So, in the context of “I am a spirit which inhabits a body.” I am creating a possibility of being: “A child of God, whose needs, wants, desires and aspirations are important.”

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Musings, Self-esteem, Spirit

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Why do Police and Judges blame rape victims and support rapists?

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All it takes is a cursory review of news items on the internet about how Cops and Judges handle complaints or charges of rape to see that their sympathies go to the perpetrators of these crimes, rather than the victims of them.

Why is that, I wonder? Could it be that they are sympathetic to rapists because they are rapists, or consider themselves capable of rape?

Could it be because they see women and girls as objects to be used, rather that human beings with feelings and rights?

What could possibly be the motivation of a judge who gives a man, over forty and a teacher, 30 days in jail for raping a 14 year old student? Could it be that he isn’t capable of looking beyond the fact that the rapist looks like himself, and the victim doesn’t?

What reason could there be for police officers to discourage a woman from reporting or pressing charges when she has been raped? Would they support a law that would make it legal for men to rape women?

What’s behind the notion that how a woman is dressed or whether she has been drinking or whether she is a virgin has any bearing on the culpability of the rapist?

If male law professionals saw women as people with the right to choose whether they have sex with a man, or be safe in her person, in her home or on the streets, these questions would have no relevance.

Also behind that notion is the assumption that men are not capable of controlling themselves, that seeing an attractive and vulnerable woman makes them lose all control of themselves, and that they should not be held responsible or liable for what they do.

I propose we take the stand that anyone who takes the side of a rapist against his victim is as guilty of the crime as he is.

All of the above applies to any and all men in positions of authority who do anything less than vigorously act to protect the safety of the women and children in their community.

There are some communities that do the right thing when dealing with the crime of rape, and they are to be commended. The rest of them need to get with it.

Just a note: If I receive any hate mail about this post, I will repost it to Facebook.

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Feminism, Male/Female relations, Politics

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Why women say they are not feminists.

March 4, 2014

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Before I get to the point, I think you should know my feminist background.

My Mom believed her Mom was a suffragist. She didn’t know if that was true, but she said she remembers as a kid thinking “It’s too bad feminism is over.” Her mom was a single working woman until she married my grandfather at age forty-one. She lived and worked in Washington DC. So it’s possible and even probable that grandma was a feminist.

In the early 70’s Mom and I were active in the feminist movement together. We were among the founding members of the San Fernando Valley chapter of the National Organization for Women. We both held office in the local chapter of N.O.W. and I wrote and published a newsletter, called the NOWsletter. We both went on marches and demonstrations, and I gave speeches in public gatherings.

I read extensively on the subject of women’s status, feminist theory, the laws relating to women and marriage, and women’s history.

So, back to the point.

When a woman says she is not a feminist, what she is saying is she is not what the anti-gay, male chauvinist media propaganda says that feminism is. If you ask a woman if she believes in equal rights for women, equal pay for women and equal protection under the law for women, she will say yes.

She is a feminist, she just doesn’t know it because she hasn’t done her homework.

Thanks to the extremism of the conservatives, women are having their consciousnesses raised. They know they don’t want their right to choose whether to have a baby taken away. They know that they aren’t getting equal pay. The are aware that their health, freedom and livelihoods are threatened, and they are starting to take action.

The young women of today believe in their rights. They won’t lay down and let them be taken away by a bunch of extremist right-wing religious fanatics.

Sisterhood is powerful!

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Family relationships, Feminism, Male/Female relations, Politics

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What is Love?

February 28, 2014

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What is love?

That word is used for all kinds of things. I love candy. I love this movie. I love my dog. I love my hobby. I love you.

It is also often used to mean sex. “They made love.”

Whenever someone says “I love you” their meaning is unique to them. No two people mean exactly the same thing by those words.

Often what they mean is: “I’m addicted to you”

Or: “My self esteem is so low that I will stay with you even when you abuse me.”

Or: “You are beautiful and I love to show you off, so people will admire and envy me.”

Or: “You fit my idea of what a spouse (or whatever) should be.”

Or: “When I’m with you I feel happy.”

Or: “you belong to me, and I will kill you if you try to get away from me.”

Or: “My parents approve of you, and you’re not too bad to look at.”

Or: “My parents disapprove of you, and I will use you to piss them off.”

Or: “I find you interesting and exciting, and when that wears off, I will tell you I fell out of love.”

Or: “I’m bored with my wife (husband) and your are younger and prettier and make me feel like I’m sexy and exciting, so I’ll take you as a mistress (lover).”

Or: “You remind me of my Dad (Mom), so I want to be with you.”

Or: “I am an alcoholic, and you are an enabler, so we fit together, let’s get married.”

Or: “I want to have children, and I guess you’ll do, so let’s get married.

Or: “I want someone to support me and take care of me, and you’re financially sound, so let’s get married.”

Or: “I’m old and rich and you’re young and beautiful. We’re a perfect match, let’s get married.”

I could come up with a hundred more examples, but you get the idea.

I have experienced all kinds of relationships, from one night stands, to six week relationships, to five year marriages, to being happily married for the last twenty-four years.

I never kidded myself that a one night stand had anything to do with love, and they always left me feeling dissatisfied, until I realized that what I really wanted, and was no longer afraid of, was a serious relationship, with love in it.

One of the things I have learned along the way was that I had a subconscious belief that nobody loves me, and nobody ever would love me. Once I uncovered that, gave it up, and created the possibility that I am loved, I was able to see the love that the other person had for me.

I think one of the most important things that has to be there for a marriage to succeed and thrive is that you like, respect and admire you partner. So choosing carefully is of the utmost importance to having a long term loving relationship.

Make sure you are consciously aware of what you value in a partner. They should match you on all the important things, like religion, politics, personality type, whether they have kids, or want kids, depending on where you are with it.

Don’t think that you can change or fix the other person. They are not going to change for you, even if they say they are. Find someone who is the way you want them to be to begin with.

I believe that if you have someone you respect, admire and enjoy being with, love is something you create. All it takes is to declare it: Just say, “I love you.” You might not feel it at first, but the more you say it, the more you will feel it.

Finally, remember to appreciate them for their positive qualities, and allow them their short-comings. Love them for who they are and who they are not, both positive and negative.

Love is yours to create, it is not a description of feelings or circumstances. You choose.

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Children, Family relationships, Love and marriage, Male/Female relations, Musings

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Money

February 26, 2014

Money

Money is a meaning that we agree to. One meaning is that currency has value and you can exchange it for goods or services. This meaning depends on the continuing acceptance by the majority of that meaning.

Runaway inflation is when people agree that the value of money is declining at a noticeable rate.

Everybody has their personal meanings about money.

One of the predominant meanings in my family about money was that it is scarce. My parents were of the depression generation. The slogan of that generation was ‘Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without.’

As a result of the influences of my childhood, I value finding things that are old and refurbishing them. I also value getting a good deal, so I like to shop at Goodwill and yard sales. I also occasionally go dumpster diving.

I had to overcome my past to be able to buy clothes for myself, and I don’t spend much on them.  Being able to sew contributes to that. After all, why spend $100 on a dress if I can make one for myself for much less?

What your beliefs are about money have a direct effect on you relationship to money. If you believe that all rich people are evil, you are very unlikely to get rich.

If you believe that you don’t have what it takes to become wealthy, you will be right.

Before you can change what you believe, you have to be aware of what your beliefs are. They won’t occur for you as beliefs, they will occur as the Truth or Facts.

None of your beliefs and ideas about money are true because all meanings are made up. You either inherited your meanings from the people who raised you, or you made them up yourself.

Write down all of your thoughts and beliefs about money, look at them in black and white, and ask yourself if those beliefs are a hindrance or a help to you in your experience of money.

If the meanings you have about money are hindrances to your having the abundance you want, drop them and replace them with other meanings that empower you.

A new meaning you could create might be “I am powerful and successful.”

What you will have to contend with is your little voice. Your little voice is what you probably think of as your thoughts. If you pay attention you will notice that most of the things your little voice says are negative. “I can’t do that”, “I don’t want to do that”, “I’m not smart enough”, “It’s not worth it”, etc. etc. etc.

Once you get that your little voice is not you, and is not helpful, you have taken the first step to taking charge of your life.

One place I know that can teach you how to do that is the Landmark Forum. To find out more about it, go to http://www.Landmarkworldwide.com and watch an online introduction to the Landmark Forum.

Category:

Economy, Family relationships, Money, Musings

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Coffee, chocolate and marijuana

February 23, 2014

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Coffee is my one vice, and chocolate is an occasional indulgence. As it turns out, they are both good for you. Although I have used marijuana, I don’t indulge these days. But I do know that it is a far healthier way to be intoxicated than alcohol.

The cool thing is, all three of these turn out to have health benefits.

Here are some of the benefits of coffee:

1. Coffee Can Improve Energy Levels and Make You Smarter

2. Coffee Can Help You Burn Fat

3. The Caffeine Can Drastically Improve Physical Performance

4. There Are Essential Nutrients in Coffee

Coffee is more than just black water. Many of the nutrients in the coffee beans do make it into the final drink.

A single cup of coffee contains (22):

  • Riboflavin (Vitamin B2): 11% of the RDA.
  • Pantothenic Acid (Vitamin B5): 6% of the RDA.
  • Manganese and Potassium: 3% of the RDA.
  • Magnesium and Niacin (B3): 2% of the RDA.

5. Coffee May Lower Your Risk of Type II Diabetes

6. Coffee May Protect You From Alzheimer’s Disease and Dementia

7. Caffeine May Lower The Risk of Parkinson’s

8. Coffee Appears to Have Protective Effects on The Liver

9. Coffee Can Fight Depression and Make You Happier

10. Coffee Drinkers Have a Lower Risk of Some Types of Cancer

11. Coffee Does Not Cause Heart Disease and May Lower The Risk of Stroke

12. Coffee May Help You Live Longer

13. Coffee is The Biggest Source of Antioxidants in The Western Diet

source: http://authoritynutrition.com/top-13-evidence-based-health-benefits-of-coffee/

Coffee could reduce your chances of getting skin cancer (if you’re a woman).

Coffee can make you a better athlete.

source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/17/coffee-health-benefits_n_4102133.html

Health Benefits of Coffee

“I scoured the internet to find reliable sources of the health benefits of coffee. Type “coffee” into pubmed (the database of medical research) and your get almost 7,000 results back. Below are some of the major findings about health, life expectancy and coffee”.

  • Heart Disease (up to 25% reduction in mortality risk (for women))
  • Diabetes (up to 60% reduced risk)
  • Dementia (up to 65% reduced risk)
  • Colon Cancer (up to 25% reduced risk)
  • Cirrhosis (up to 80% reduced risk)
  • Gallstones (almost 50% reduced risk)
  • Parkinson’s Disease (up to 80% reduced risk – probably because of caffeine)
  • Headache Relief (because of the caffeine)
  • Asthma Relief (caffeine again)

source: http://longevity.about.com/od/lifelongnutrition/a/coffee_health.htm

Here are some health benefits of chocolate:

  1. Chocolate decreases stroke risk
  2. Chocolate boosts heart health.
  3. Chocolate can help you feel full, so you’ll eat less.
  4. Chocolate can reduce the risk of diabetes by increasing insulin sensitivity.
  5. Chocolate protects your skin from UV damage.
  6. Chocolate can calm a cough.
  7. Chocolate boosts your mood.
  8. Chocolate improves blood flow, so it has has anti-clotting, blood thinning properties.
  9. Chocolate may improve vision.
  10. Chocolate may make you smarter.

source:  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/03/28/chocolate-health-benefits_n_1383372.html

Here are some health benefits of Marijuana:

1. Cancer
Cannabinoids, the active components of marijuana, inhibit tumor growth in laboratory animals and also kill cancer cells. Western governments have known this for a long time yet they continued to suppress the information so that cannabis prohibition and the profits generated by the drug industry proliferated.

THC that targets cannabinoid receptors CB1 and CB2 is similar in function to endocannabinoids, which are cannabinoids that are naturally produced in the body and activate these receptors. The researchers suggest that THC or other designer agents that activate these receptors might be used in a targeted fashion to treat lung cancer.

2. Tourette’s Syndrome
Tourette’s syndrome is a neurological condition characterized by uncontrollable facial grimaces, tics, and involuntary grunts, snorts and shouts.

Dr. Kirsten Mueller-Vahl of the Hanover Medical College in Germany led a team that investigated the effects of chemicals called cannabinols in 12 adult Tourette’s patients. A single dose of the cannabinol produced a significant reduction in symptoms for several hours compared to placebo, the researchers reported.

3. Seizures
Marijuana is a muscle relaxant and has “antispasmodic” qualities that have proven to be a very effective treatment for seizures. There are actually countless cases of people suffering from seizures that have only been able to function better through the use of marijuana.

4. Migraines 
Since medicinal marijuana was legalized in California, doctors have reported that they have been able to treat more than 300,000 cases of migraines that conventional medicine couldn’t through marijuana.

5. Glaucoma 
Marijuana’s treatment of glaucoma has been one of the best documented. There isn’t a single valid study that exists that disproves marijuana’s very powerful and popular effects on glaucoma patients.

6. Multiple Sclerosis 
Marijuana’s effects on multiple sclerosis patients became better documented when former talk-show host, Montel Williams began to use pot to treat his MS. Marijuana works to stop the neurological effects and muscle spasms that come from the fatal disease.

7. ADD and ADHD 
A well documented USC study done about a year ago showed that marijuana is not only a perfect alternative for Ritalin but treats the disorder without any of the negative side effects of the pharmaceutical.

8. IBS and Crohn’s 
Marijuana has shown that it can help with symptoms of the chronic diseases as it stops nausea, abdominal pain, and diarrhea.

9. Alzheimer’s 
Despite what you may have heard about marijuana’s effects on the brain, the Scripps Institute, in 2006, proved that the THC found in marijuana works to prevent Alzheimer’s by blocking the deposits in the brain that cause the disease.

10. Premenstrual Syndrome 
Just like marijuana is used to treat IBS, it can be used to treat the cramps and discomfort that causes PMS symptoms. Using marijuana for PMS actually goes all the way back to Queen Victoria.

Source:  http://www.trueactivist.com/still-believe-nature-got-it-wrong-top-10-health-benefits-of-marijuana/

So to be healthy, have a couple of cups of coffee, eat some dark chocolate, and if you are sick or just want to feel good, don’t drink; smoke pot.

That said, smoke responsibly:

1. Don’t get stoned if your are taking care of kids.

2. Don’t drive stoned.

3. Make sure you are in a safe, friendly environment.

4. Keep Pot away from kids and pets.

5. Don’t mix pot with anything else, like drugs or alcohol. It’s a waste of a good high.

The effect Pot has on you is that it mellows you out, it makes you a bit stupid, it makes you a bit paranoid, and it distorts your perception of time. It also makes you think your ideas are genius, when they are in fact nonsense, and it can make you laugh at everything. Pot can also make you unmotivated. When you’re stoned you are happy to just sit there and be stoned. Pot also makes you feel like eating, so have some good snacks handy.

Another benefit of Pot: It’s a great way to get you in the mood when your are with your sweetie.

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drugs, food, health, marijuana, vices

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The difference between how young people and old people use Facebook

February 20, 2014

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I started using Facebook a few years ago. I set up a Facebook page, then sent emails to all my relatives inviting them to get on Facebook too. When I go on Facebook my primary purpose is to see what my nieces, nephews, kids and grandkids are up to, and look at their baby pictures. I also like to repost political or consumer messages that I like or agree with. I do this in hopes it will help, entertain or inspire other people, or help a cause. I also like to play Facebook games.

I saw a documentary on “Frontline” last night about how young people use Facebook. They are interested in getting “likes” and view that as recognition, acknowledgement, validation and empowerment. The more followers they have, the more successful they feel. They do things to interest or entertain people in hopes of gaining attention. When the number of followers is large enough, it is equated with fame, and can lead to commercial sponsors.

I saw an article that said that young people depend on social networks to interact with their friends because they don’t have the freedom to hang out with friends in person. It said that parents are overprotective and keep their teens under their wings. It also said they over-schedule their kids’ lives, so they don’t have free time for hanging out with friends.

The frontline show also talked about how the commercial interests exploit the way young people use social media, turning “likes” into cash. Apparently teens and kids frequently “like” products or companies, which boosts the companies’ earning power.

One of the things that young people do on Facebook that someone my age wouldn’t do is put personal problems and issues on their wall. To me that would be equivalent to putting them on a billboard. I don’t think personal problems are meant to be broadcast in public. They are private.

However, I like it when one of my nieces or grand nieces posts that she’s having a hard time, because I want to know what’s up with them.

My family is large and far-flung. My Mom had 88 descendants when she died in 2012 at age 88. I have 3 kids, 14 grandkids and 6 great-grandkids, with two more on the way. Social Media is a great way to follow how their lives are going and get the baby pictures and videos. I don’t think there is any other way I could keep up with their lives as well.

My nine siblings, who are within 12 years of my age, mostly don’t use Facebook. I would love it if they did.

Friending is another difference. I have 130 friends, and they are all people I know in real life. I don’t want anonymous friends because too many friends makes it take too long to get through a day’s posts, and because I don’t want strangers having access to the information that is posted by my family members.

For young people, having a large number of friends, even though they are strangers, translates to popularity and fame.

So clearly one’s age and generational point of view influences how one uses Facebook.

I only hope that parents take the necessary care to see that their kids don’t get exploited, hurt or worse because of the way they use Facebook.

Category:

Children, Family relationships, Musings

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How to Choose Your Life Partner

February 15, 2014

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Choosing your life partner is the most important choice you will make. If you choose wisely, you will have a lifetime of happiness and you will raise happy children. If you choose poorly, or worse, marry without choosing, you will have a disastrous, probably short marriage, and children who will grow up without two parents to raise them, and with a multitude of issues and problems.

I have experienced both.

I married when I was too young to understand how the person I was marrying was going to impact my life. I was pregnant, and in those days marrying the father was what you did. I had three kids in under five years. I got no joy from that marriage, and a lot of misery. I divorced him and subsequently married three more times.

If I had been sensible and waited to marry until I was older and better able to choose wisely, my kids would have had a much better childhood, and I would have had a better life.

It wasn’t until my third marriage ended that I realized that if I wanted a marriage that would last I needed to choose wisely and not settle. I made up my mind that I was going to have the man I wanted, or not get married again.

I had a good idea of what would work for me, based on my experiences with my other husbands and boyfriends and my understanding of myself.

I had a mental list of traits and characteristics I was looking for. I knew that I wanted someone who was compatible. Someone who was like me in attitudes, personality, preferences, life experience, etc.

I met my husband through my mother. I called her to wish her a happy birthday, as I did every year, and she says “I have someone I want you to meet,” and puts him on the phone.

Now, my Mom was not the matchmaking kind, she had never done that before. Within a year we were living together, and we were married a year later. We have been married for nearly 24 years, and we are still happy with each other.

Here are the steps to manifesting your ideal mate:

1. Make a list of the traits and characteristics you are looking for. Be sure to include everything that is important to you. Make sure you include: “They love me as much as I love them.”

2. Make sure you have nothing that would be a barrier or hindrance to them being in your life. For example, if you are in a relationship, end it. Another important example: If you have attitudes and beliefs that say that there is no such person, or you don’t deserve it, get rid of them. A good way I know to do that is take the Landmark Forum. For info go to: http://www.Landmarkworldwide.com.

3. Ask for it. Say, “God (or Universe), this is who I want, I’m ready, please send him (or her) to me.”

4. Wait with complete expectation that he or she will show up. Don’t get attached to how it will work. Trust the Universe to put them into your life.

Please let me know how this works for you. If you want coaching, let me know, I will be happy to help.

Category:

Children, Family relationships, Love and marriage, Male/Female relations, My theories

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Children

February 14, 2014

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As the third oldest in a family of ten children, I began my training as a mother at a young age. There was always a baby in the house. When I married at the age of seventeen, my youngest sister was only five.

My first child was born before I was eighteen, and even though my husband was worse than no help, I took to mothering pretty quickly.

I found that I had the ability to calm a baby just by holding it, and it seems to work for any baby. When my granddaughter was a new mother she would be holding the baby while it cried, and I would pick her up and she would immediately stop crying.

I like kids and I enjoy being with them. There is an openness and honesty you don’t find with adults. they are also affectionate, always ready with a hug. I enjoy watching them develop their mental and language abilities and answering their frequent questions with candor and honesty.

I enjoy being with young children so much that when my kids were in grade school, I started working in day care.

Here are some things I understand about kids. The way they are when they start out as young children is completely open, honest, innocent and trusting. There in no subterfuge, no hidden agendas, no manipulation. If you see those things in your children, look at yourself. You are reading that into their behavior. Children don’t lie until you teach them to. They don’t withhold affection until they learn that they need to to protect themselves.

If you ask them a question, whatever their answer is is the truth, and if you punish them for their answer, you are teaching them to lie.

When they are about two, and they begin to speak, they become aware of themselves as separate beings, and they begin to have desires and intentions that are different from their parents. They learn to say “no.” This is a crucial part of their development, and it is important to talk to them and explain things. Tell them why you don’t want them to do something. “I don’t want you to run into the street because a car could come and hit you and you could be badly hurt, and maybe even killed.” “I don’t want you to yell in the store because it would annoy some of the people here”

They won’t necessarily do what you say, but they will learn language, and they will learn to think about the things they do.

If you need to make your child do something, do it without emotion. Just pick them up and carry them where you need them to be.

Whatever emotion you may bring to an interaction with your child comes solely from you. Your child is not the cause of it.

Your child is a good and loving angel recently arrived from heaven.

When your child cries it means they need something: Food, a diaper change, burping, holding, love. It doesn’t mean anything else. It doesn’t mean they are being bad. It doesn’t mean they are trying to annoy you. It doesn’t mean they are disobedient. It doesn’t mean ANYTHING, except that they need something.

There are no bad children, only bad parents.

A bad parent is not one who’s child cries, a bad parent is not one who’s child gets dirty.

A bad parent is one who causes harm to a child either physically, emotionally or psychologically.

Calling a child bad or stupid or ugly or any other negative thing is bad parenting.

Children believe the things you say to them about themselves, because you are their parent, and they have no choice but to believe you. Calling a child bad will make the child believe he is bad, and he will behave like a bad child as a consequence.

Your child is not here to provide you with anything you need or want. You are here to take care of the needs of the child. To the degree you try to make the child meet your needs, you cause mental and emotional damage.

That said, a child can be very rewarding if you are open to seeing them as they are; innocent, loving, learning beings. They will love you completely.

That said, I don’t intend these remarks to apply to children with special needs. I do not have any expertise on children who are not normal. If you have a child with special needs, seek help and advice from people who are experts, particularly other parents of children who have your child’s special needs.

Finally, don’t let the advice of well meaning people cause you to doubt your abilities as a parent, especially people who don’t have children.

Category:

Children, Family relationships

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The Generation Gap

February 11, 2014

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The conflict between the generations has probably always been here.

When a person reaches their teens,  part of the process of becoming an adult is to question, criticize and reject whatever their parents do and believe in. This allows young people to form their own ideas about what they value and who they are. They are forming their adult identity. These styles also create cohesion within the generation. It’s a way to belong with and to your own age group.

So they adopt a style of dress, language, music and dance that is carefully calculated to offend their parents’ generation, and most likely the older ones as well.

And the parents are happy to oblige. They say the younger generation dresses wrong, dances wrong, talks wrong and likes the wrong music.

I remember the 50’s and how the older generation were all upset about rock and roll music and dance, blue jeans and leather jackets. I was a little young to be a part of it, but it was all over the media; TV, movies, etc. The phrase was “juvenile delinquents.”

My generation was the Hippy generation. Young people called older people “hypocrites” and held demonstrations against war. They practiced egalitarianism, to the best of their ability. They hung out with people of all races, and they tried to treat women as equals. Their hair was too long, their clothes were too colorful and they practiced “Free Love” which was a rebellion against the repressive sexual mores of the older generation. They participated in demonstrations against racism and segregation. They tried to free their minds with Pot and Acid and other drugs. The older generation called them “Dirty Hippies” They called themselves “Flower Children” and “Freaks.”

The rebellion of the young generation serves to create an environment of change. It is my theory that if it weren’t for young people, nothing would ever change.

Whatever your children do when they get to be teenagers, you can be sure you won’t like it. Just remember, you had your own rebellious youth.

Category:

Family relationships

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